GOS: We got really bored when we finished chapter 5 so we wanted to do something random and silly. This was nothing to do with the actual story, this is just us being bored, and having a sugar high.

Shrimpy: Let me tell you, we're sorry if this isn't very funny. everything is funny at 1 AM on nothing but Soul Caliber II and Mountain Dew.

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Chapter 5.5: Fun With Video Game Impossibilities

Zelda and Link had been walking for...oh...hours. The forest temple was long behind them, and a few of the things she had seen there were beginning to bother her.

"Hey Link?" She asked suspiciously.

"Yeah?"

"You know your...uh...bow."

"Yep, you mean this one?" Link whipped out his bow with a flourish. "...What?"

"How," Said Zelda, staring at him. "Do you do that. It's not as if you have a pack or anything. Besides, that thing is as long as your arm. Where do you keep it!"

"I don't know. I never question these things." Link stated, calmly.

"Well, why not!"

"Mostly because I've got bombs too," Said he. "Look." Link whipped out a large bomb, fuse already sizzling brightly.

"I mean, look at that thing; it's already lit! Imagine if I questioned this stuff, and it suddenly stopped working. I've got ninety-eight more of these things," He whined. "I'd pretty much die."

"Why not a hundred?"

"I don't know...I'm not questioning these things. It's the same way with arrows, but with them, I'm afraid I'll stab myself if I try and hold more than ninety-nine."

"Holy shit, Link! Throw that thing!" Navi jingled loudly.

BOOM!

Link and Zelda were thrown violently back from the exploding bomb in a cloud of orangey-black smoke. Navi, who was noticeably more intelligent, stayed completely clear of the blast, thus escaping unharmed. Zelda picked herself up, and dusted off her skirts.

"Well, we aren't dead."

"Yeah," Link said from his place on the ground. "Doesn't that strike you are weird? I mean, my arm should've been blown off at least."

"I'm beginning to see what you mean about not questioning things." She sighed. "Link, what are those things floating above your head?"

Link looked up questioningly. "They look...kinda like hearts. Damn! Why is such a girly shape hanging above my head?"

"I think they're your health," Navi chimed, all-knowingly.

"Then why," Link grumbled, "Are mine half empty?"

"You don't want to know." piped Navi, looking at Zelda meaningfully.

"Uh..." Zelda stalled, looking for a change of subject. "Hey! I've got some too! Mine is only missing a quarter-heart..."

"This is just unfair! I'm the Hero! I should have more hearts full! I've got to fight creepy stuff!"

"Look, even half-empty, you've got twice as many hearts as I've got, so stop complaining!"

"Speaking of stopping, we should get going," Navi tinkled exasperatedly. "The next temple is the Fire Temple, so we should head north."

"Navi," Link asked. "How do you know all this stuff?"

"Uh..." Navi jingled, hiding her extremely small copy of 'The Official Guide To The Legend Of Zelda, Ocarina Of Time,' "I'm a fairy! Fairies just know these things!"

"Like the names of enemies?" Zelda said sarcastically. "I think it's a little weird, don't you?"

"Actually," Link replied. "I'm pretty used to it. Me and Navi have been together since I was a little kid. In fact, I left the village the same day we met."

"It's still weird."

"Whatever." They continued in silence for a few more minutes until Zelda found she couldn't contain herself any more.

"Link, what else have you got behind that shield?"

"Uh, lessee...Um, I've got two empty bottles, a bottle with a fairy in it, some red potion, a longshot, some bombchus, this pretty scale, an ocarina, a bunch of arrows, some bombs, my bow, some money, a bunch of golden skulltula coins, my boomerang..."

"My Goddesses!" Zelda gaped at him. "How can you fit it all in there!"

"Like I said, I don't question these things."

"Didn't you ever...y'know, look behind your shield or something?"

"Nope."

"...You're not at all curious?"

"Not so long as all those lit bombs stay unexploded."

"Well, I am!" Zelda leapt for him, grabbing firmly on to his shield. "I'm gonna see for myself!"

After a good deal of wrestling, Zelda did finally managed to get Link pinned down. Ignoring his loud protests, she pulled back the shield to reveal...

"Oh, my Goddesses!"

"Holy Fuck! Put it back! Put it back!"

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