GOS: Wow... sorry it's been awhile since the last chapter. I have busy with school with studying for ACT and writing 4 papers --.

Shrimpy: And I was busy playing games!

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Chapter 8:

Are We Dead Yet?

'Well...at least it's a peaceful night,' Link thought to himself. 'The sky is green, and the poes are singing...yep...everything is just fine.'

Link sighed, and pushed himself into a more comfortable position against the tree he was currently sitting against. He'd been on sentry duty all night, and was honestly getting a little sleepy.

'Wait...is the sky supposed to be green? I don't think poes sing...' Link listened to the heavenly strains. '...Like that...or wear sparkly pink tutus.'

The Hero's eyes narrowed as he bent all his powers of thought on this problem.

'Wait...I'M ASLEEP!' He screamed, panic-stricken. 'Zelda will kill me!'

"AHHHH!" Link woke, screaming. Sitting in the now quiet, poe-free night, he sighed, softly. "Okay, I don't think she heard us, Epona."

His horse gave him an equine glare, pushed her nose right next to his ear and spoke, in Zelda's cranky, angry voice. "Don't bet on it, Kappa!"

"AHHHHHHHH!" Link woke for the second time, into the early morning light, this time the into REAL early morning light.

Panting furiously, he stared around with wild eyes, looking for signs of another dream. Seeing Epona he scrambled back against the tree. "You better not talk!"

Epona only rolled her horsey eyes and went back to munching the grass.

Link took a few more minutes to take deep breaths and calm the desperate beating of his heart. "Whew...it's only a dream...huh?"

A little ways away, undistinguishable in the early-morning gloom, there came a second flash of white light. "Argh! I can't get this right...okay, maybe if I..."

Zelda's voice trailed off, followed by a 'poof' and a flash of white light. "Damn it!"

Link, clutching his blanket, carefully stood up and made his way silently towards the sound of her voice. "...Zelda?"

"Gah!" The princess cried, pulling the spell-book she had been working at beside the fire behind her back hurriedly. "W-what in the world are you doing, up!"

"Somebody was making loud noises...So...what are you doing?"

"Nothing!" Zelda exclaimed, clutching the book behind her protectively. "Nothing at all!"

Link glared, unimpressed. "Uh-huh...what's behind your back?"

"Nothing, so back off!"

"No way, you have to show me now...I saw you reading some kind of book!"

Guiltily, Zelda brought out the humongous, leather-bound volume. "It's just...a little spell book?"

"Little! If that thing's little, then Epona's a fairy!" Link cried, outraged. "Besides, if you had this spell-book all along, then why didn't you just read it and use some kind of uber-powerful spell of doom on some of those creepy things!"

Link jerked the huge spell-book away from Zelda, peering grumpily at the pages of the ancient tome. After several long minutes he looked up at Zelda incredulously. "These are words! No wonder you're so messed up all the time...this chicken-scratchy stuff is bound to make anybody into a psycho!"

"Give me that!" Zelda snapped, snatching back the book angrily. "These are ancient runes! The language of Magic!"

"...So? What do I care about some magic-thingy like that?"

"Once again," Zelda told him grumpily, dusting off the book's edges with exaggerated care. "Magic is not a 'thingy,' not that I'd expect a country-bumpkin like you to understand that!"

"I understand that you've been holding out on me! You stupid little girl, this is the real world! We could have both died, and you've had this...this trump card on you the entire time!" Link had taken two steps towards her as he was speaking, his face was filled with anger. Zelda almost took a step back, he was so frightening.

Then, her face turned bright red, and she stepped up, putting her angry face right up in his grill "Oh, yeah, and what do YOU know about magic, huh? I'll have you know that if I tried a spell that's beyond my abilities, I could be seriously injured, or worse!"

"Like how! You're not gonna just pass out in the middle of a fight, are you?"

"As a matter of fact, I would!" Zelda waved her hands about furiously

"...oh," Link said, stepping back. "Well, I guess...yeah, sorry, then."

Zelda stared at him incredulously. "You really are an idiot..."

Link sighed and went to pick up his saddle. "C'mon, let's just get moving...we're sure to get to town today, and maybe even up the mountain some."

"Er..." Zelda said. "Wait, Link!"

Link turned, one eyebrow raised questioningly. "Yeah, what?"

"Wanna...see my new spell?" She asked shyly. "I've been working on it all morning."

Link 's eyebrow went even higher, but he turned and sat on the saddle on the ground. "Go ahead, why not...just don't aim it at me."

"Okay," The princess said excitedly. "It's not exactly finished yet...It's not perfect, but...well, anyway, I was thinking that when we got into town, I'd be a pretty huge target if I went in as myself-" She was cut off by a loud gasp from Link.

"You...you were actually THINKING about tactical stuff like that? I'm so proud!" He cried happily.

"Oh, shut up!" She said, shoving the heavy book into his chest before standing back. "Okay, here we go..."

Zelda's face took on a serene expression, and her hands began to glow a gentle blue. she took a deep breath, held it, then raised both hands dramatically over her head. There was a flash of white light, and a cloud of blue sparkles, and when the little dots on Links vision had cleared, he was sitting there staring at the most magnificent, gorgeous...

"Dude!" Link exclaimed, pointing at Zelda. "You look like a dude!"

And for once, in his life, Link was right, Zelda did, in fact, look like a man. Her...er...his clothing was done all in blue and white. The chest of his garment was emblazoned with the symbol of the All-seeing eye, and the edges and arms of the cloth was covered in bold round depictions of muscle groups.

"Admittedly, your not a very...manly man," Link drawled, seeing the tightness of Zelda's new clothing over her new, buff male form. "...but I guess that doesn't really matter."

"I want you to cal me 'Sheik' in this form, alright?" Zelda said, then glared at him. "And what do you mean I don't look very manly?"

Completely ignoring the 'manly' response, Link had jumped back to the topic of names. "Wait, 'Sheik'? And you made fun of MY name!"

"This is the form and name of Sheik, the greatest warrior the Shiekah have ever known, and their founding member!"

"Well, he was a damn girly man, then...or maybe that's just you."

"I do not look girly, and neither did he!" Zelda cried, cocking one hip in a very feminine fashion.

"Er...yes, you do." Link told her "You can't walk around like that. Nobody will believe your a boy."

"Of course they will! I look like a boy!"

"Yeah, the image is perfect, but you don't ACT like a boy."

"Like how?"

"Your hips..." Link trailed off.

"What about them?"

"When you move, they go all...swingy, swingy, swingy...It's very girly."

Zelda glared at him, and took a step closer so that she could look down at him from above, like an angry mother chastising her stupid children. "I happen to disagree."

Link, on the other hand had been distracted by the realism of Zelda's male disguise. "It's so real..." He reached out a tenative hand and gave her now-within-reach chest-region a healthy prod. Squish, and his finger had pushed the soft, plushy flesh of Zelda's still very mamular bosom well out of shape. The now enraged princess-cum-prince glared down at him with murder in her eyes.

Dead silence reigned, as the terrified Link stared up at Sheik's furious face. The only thought running through his head was...'Oh, Goddesses, she's got man-boobs!'

"Link..." She growled.

"Oh," Link said, still too stunned to move his hand from her feminine attributes "So...that's what you meant by 'not perfect yet'."

"Gee," She growled, face a picture of death. "Do you think?"

One very large lump-on-the-head later, Zelda..er...Sheik, we mean, stood praticing her 'manly walk' while Link was saddling Epona and packing up camp. Son he finished, and Link mounted up onto Epona. Turning, he held out a hand to Zelda.

"Oh, hell, no, I'm not riding up there with you." She told him

"It's quicker, and your really bitchy when your tired. Just do it, alright?"

Zelda glared up at him for a moment before taking his hand a sitting side-saddle behind him on Epona. "Fine, but if you try anything, I'll hit you so hard, your little green girlfriend will feel it!"

"Like I'd every try anything on you! first of all, it's YOU, and second of all you look like a guy."

As it were, it took the entire day to get all the way to Karkariko Village. The sun was just setting as they entered the town, both tired and sore, Sheik atop Epona, as Link had gotten off to lead his tired horse when they had reached the town's limits. Looking up tiredly at the moon-and-torch-lit homes, he suddenly noticed something not right with the place.

"Ze...Sheik! Look..."

"I'm not looking at whatever interesting rock or spider or whatever it is you've found," She mumbled in her deeper disguised to be male voice, eyes closed.

"No, I'm serious, open your eyes."

Zelda raised her head, slow and weary, but as soon as she caught sight of the village and it's inhabitants, her head snapped up, fully alert. "Oh, my goddesses, it's worse than I thought..."

And it truly was bad...The once proud and tidy village of Karkariko was in shambles, dark and quite dirtier than before, hastily-made hovels crouched everywhere like starving turtles, their roofs and walls scrapped together from garbage and forest debri. The once-cobbled streets were tracts of mud and that same mud was strewn well up onto the walls by hundreds of rag-clad feet. And though this depressing, soul-killing sight was terrible, it was not the worst of it. The worst was the people. They were thin, covered in dirty or bedraggled clothing, they swept around the town, with a deep hopelessness in their eyes. These were a people lost, fugitive from their homes and businesses, betrayed by the now-poisoned land they had once called home.

"Oh, my poor people..." Zelda sighed, looking with a deep sorrow out upon the ragged and forlorn citizens of the once-mighty capital of Hyrule.

Meanwhile, Link was having his own epiphany. 'It's just like before...' He thought, remembering the hopeless and hunger-torn visages of peoples he had saved in the past. He remembered their fear and their loss, and seeing it now reflected in the eyes of his own people, he was deeply moved.

"Don't worry...We'll save them, Sheik." He told the disguised princess, in a voice not entirely his own. "Don't worry."

---------To Br Continued---------