GOS: I am sooooooooo sorry it's been so long since we've posted a chapter. I've been very busy with school. Oh and to all those whiners out there all I have to say is this.Yeah,yeah,yeah... I know that Link and Zelda are OOC. There is a really big reason why they are and if I told you why it would ruin the ending and that would defeat the purpose of reading. There is a method to my madness so just shut up and read, it will all be explained later.

Shrimpy: Besides, if Link and Zelda were completely in character, Zelda would be conspicuously absent, and Link wouldn't have a speaking part!

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Chapter 9:

I Feel Pretty, Witty, and Gay?

"We need a room for the night. One night."

The innkeeper looked up from the paperwork he had been scribbling on at the bar. "Pardon?"

It was a small place...half bar, half short-term residency for the bedraggled former-high-class citizenry of Hyrule. The place was slightly dirty, mostly dark, but it was warm and the food was cheap and the booze was decent-quality. The Innkeeper wasn't the most moral man...he had seen quite a few strange and not-socially acceptable things in all his years as a moderately -successful businessman...but the look of the blonde lad and the tight-panted and decidedly feminine fellow now in front of him...strange couple of boys they were...well, one of them was at least...The one in the forest-green wasn't so weird, but the other one...

"I said, We need one room for the night, sir." The boy repeated politely, in a charming tone of voice that decided the inn-keep right away: This boy was odd.

Giving him a weird look, the man flipped open a small and greasy leather-bound book, squinting blearily at it he glance questioningly up at Link, who sighed borededly at the stubbly man. "We...uh...only got one room. It's only got-"

"We'll take it," The other said, shifting his weight comfortably under the annoyingly tight cloth of his pants.

"O...Okay..." the Innkeeper muttered, reaching below the bar for the keys. "You pay half now, half when you leave, y'hear?"

"Thank you, that will be quite acceptable," The youth said, nodding politely, and dropped a small bag of Rupees onto the bar with a gentle 'chink.'

The barkeeper shook his head incredulously as he passed the key to his new customer, and watched the two lads make their way to one of the low tables dotting the tavern-like floor of the resturaunt-like first level of his establishment. "Kids these days..."

Sheik and Link settled themselves comfortably onto the firm wooden stools around a low, circular table, signaled a waitress for two mugs of the cheap beer and soup that was common fare here, and settled down with warm food and cold drink for the first time in more than a week. Sheik shifted uncomfortably, feeling the unaccustomed itch between her...er...his shoulders... That itchy-crawly feeling of someone watching you.

"It is just me...or are they all staring at us?" he asked in a low voice, nervous about the unwanted attention from so many partially-drunk and hairy men.

"Well, genius, let me see...most of these people have probably never even seen a 'Sheikah' or whatever is it before...no wonder they're staring...geez...great disguise, Zelda."

"Shh!" She hissed, very girly-style, then calmed down back into her male-style nonchalance. "I told you to call me 'Sheik'!"

"Yeah," Link said after taking a long draft of the cool and foamy beverage. "That's a stupid name, we've been over this."

Zelda...er...Sheik opened his...her...mouth to say something insulting, but never got the chance. A smooth and softly curving arm snaked it's way around her manly shoulders in a way that would have been very sexy indeed...had Sheik really been Sheik and not Zelda in disguise. As it were, it only served to make the secret princess cut off short in surprise and shocked dismay.

"Hey, there, hotty...You look tired...have you been traveling? Why don't you come upstairs and we'll...relax those tired muscles of yours..."

Zelda opened her masculine mouth in a gaping, stunned expression at the scantily-clad woman now draping her rather voluptuous self over the princesses very convincing male shoulders, and tried to think of what to say, when there was another voice from her...his other side.

"Yeah...all you need is a little...tenderness...I'm sure we can..." And the second curvaceous woman wrapped slender, sensual arms around Sheik's muscular bicep. "...get rid of all those..." the woman pursed her lips suggestively, "...little aches you men are always getting."

Across the table, Link drained his drink hurriedly. 'Here's trouble...better finish my drink before she explodes.'

Calmly, Sheik placed both hands on the table, inhaled deeply, closed her...er...his eyes frustratedly and turned to the first woman with an annoyed look on her face.

"My dear woman, would please be so kind as to remove your..er...arms from my shoulders?" She delivered in her best 'icy-iceberg of death' voice, turned to the other woman and finished his...er...her cruel monologue. "I have no interest in you...loose women as it were, and I truly do wish you would remove yourselves from my person. Or shall I make you?"

The two whores backed off a few steps, dumbfounded, then frowned at Sheik grumpily. "Fine! We don't like up-tight men like you anyway!" The first girl stuck her tongue out at Sheik pertly.

"Hey, what about his friend?" The second lady pointed out. "He's pretty cute."

"You're right.." Agreed the leader apparent of the duo. Link, who had been shoveling soup into his face as fast as possible, as if a Zelda-triggered armageddon were about to happen, suddenly froze at the sensual touch of the whore-ladies.

Eyes wide, Link raised shocked and fearful eyes to Sheik's form, all-but-oblivious of the sexual propositions of the two slut-women that he normally would have been very distracted by, indeed.

"Hey, there, sweetie...you're pretty muscular..." said the first, drawing a finger down the side of Link's face. "Yeah," Agreed the other, lips inches from the hero's neck, "He's so strong...You're some sort of swordsman, aren't you?" The slutty woman trailed a hand erotically down Links muscular arms. "Yeah...strong," she crooned sexily into his ear, and Link's eyes widened, frozen on the spot like some sort of perverted religious statuary.

Sheik's expression went dark, and he stood, slamming both hands down in a dish-rattling, conversation silencing bang. The room went quiet, and into the deep hush Sheik spoke, low and menacing, and Link thought, a little hurt, "Listen, you two whores, you think you can come around here and do whatever you want? I hate people like you...you have no respect for yourself or for others and I have no respect for you. You're cold and stupid, and one day, you'll end up dead in a gutter somewhere." Sheik tilted her...er...his head up to glare at the two women, and Link, with one malevolently burning red eye.

"Now, leave, we have no need of the questionable 'services' of two such gutter snipes such as you."

For a moment, the two Hoes stared, frozen on the spot, lost for words and shocked beyond thought. Then, their faces transformed to utter outrage in a bare second. "Fine, bastard! We didn't want to touch your ugly bodies, anyway!"

Huffily, they stormed away to the nearest male, a burly-looking guard, resuming their illicit profession there, though they both sent glaring daggers at the two travelers over the shoulder of the newest 'client.'

Link collapsed gratefully back into the comfortable slouch he had previously adopted. "Damn..." He sighed softly at Zelda. "Thanks...that was close... I didn't think they were gonna leave..."

Still standing, Sheik sighed softly, so softly that Link looked sharply up at her. "And you, you just sat there and let them do it, didn't you?"

Link swallowed, gazing up at Zelda's male, yet still strangely pretty face breathing softly. "I didn't, I mean I wasn't going to..."

"Look, it doesn't matter." The disguised princess sighed down at him. "I'm going upstairs, okay?" She looked at him for one last, long moment, eye full of anger...and surprisingly enough, tears.

Turning, Sheik strode swiftly to the stairwell and up.

Link hesitated, swirling the mostly-empty mug in his hand, then stood decisively and followed at a fast walk. At the top of the stair, he paused, looking left, then right, and saw a flash of color disappearing into a room. "Zel...I mean, Sheik? Wait..."

Down at the bar, the bar-keeper sighed, polishing a glass with two hands. "Geez...Kids these days...we never saw that sort of thing in my day...guys like that are just plain...well..."

Upstairs, Link quietly pulled open the door to the room he presumed was his. "Sheik? I'm sorry I didn't mean to..."

The door squeaked open and Link peeked around the corner warily. Sheik was nowhere to be seen, but there, by the window, there stood a bright-shining vision of beauty...Framed by the silver glow of the moon, Zelda looked like she was made of spun-silver...even the tears on her cheeks were beautiful...sad, but beautiful.

Link, who had not been expecting to see the princess in her girl form, gasped at the sight, and quickly shut the door behind him...

"Look...Zelda...I'm sorry I..." Link stepped up behind her, hands twisted in nervous sorrow.

"I thought you were...different. I thought you'd at least stop them...but you just sat there like some kind of idiot...I can't believe you!" She choked back a little sob, and it showed in her voice in a way that was heartrending.

Link looked down at the ground, spread his arms in a defenseless posture and took a deep breath. "Look...I...I never had...anybody...do that sort of thing to me and...I mean, c'mon, Zelda...I'm a guy I'm not...I mean I just...react without thinking a lot, and it doesn't always..." Link trailed off, uncertainly. "...doesn't hardly ever...come out right..."

Zelda sighed, shaking her head. "You don't need to explain yourself. It doesn't matter anyway." She intoned, voice flat with disappointment.

"Bullshit." Link growled at her, taking her by the shoulders and turning her to look into his eyes. She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and a slightly shocked expression. "It matters, it matters a hell of a lot, to you. I get it, okay? You hate people like that...with no pride and no self-respect. Well, get this; I hate people like you...who lie about what they think. If you don't like something, say so, alright?"

Zelda stared up at his serious expression, caught again by the subtle and undeniable attractiveness of Link in the moonlight...What was it about moonlight that made people look more beautiful? She looked away, still struggling against herself not to think of her traveling companion in that way.

Link stepped back with a sad sigh, giving Zelda a slight push as he let go of her shoulders. He looked down at the ground, taking her look for rejection of his statement, and at a deeper level, Link's own self.

"Fine, be that way. Lie, cheat, hide behind whatever you want...just don't do it to me...I can't trust a person who's like that."

Zelda looked up at him sharply. That hadn't been what she had meant at all! Her eyes scrunched, and she tilted her head forward, a silent silver tear trailing it's way silently down her cheek...dripping from her chin to land with a quite 'tok' on the warped wooden floor of the bed-room.

"Hey, don't cry anymore..." Link's hand on her cheek was a shock...roughly callused yet gentle beyond what she had thought he was capable of. "I just...want you to tell me the truth..."

"No," Zelda told him, shocked once again by his looks and tenderness. "...It's not that...I..." She trailed off, heart beating so wildly against her ribs, she thought it would flutter out of her chest entirely. 'What's happening to me! I feel faint!'

"Then...what is it?" Link asked quietly, looking down at the shorter princess. 'Damn...She's starting to get pretty...or maybe she was that way all along? Either way...I'll never understand women...'

The silence stretched on, Link's hand smoothed gently over Zelda's features,carefully cupping her cheek...

"Uh...I really hate to cut your little moment short, guys..." Navi jangled annoyingly.

Link sighed, closing his eyes and clenching his teeth, though he didn't move his hand from Zelda's face. 'She's not punching me! This is great!'

Zelda sighed, and turned her eyes towards the glow-ball. "What is it?" she practically growled.

"Well...heh, heh...you may not have noticed, but...there's a slight problem with the room...thought you ought to know."

"What the hell're you blabbin' abou-" Link began, but cut himself off when he turned, finally taking his hand away from Zelda. "...oh...Bloody hell...you've got to be kidding me!"

Zelda turned to look at the problem and sighed exasperatedly. "What! This is unacceptable! There's...only one."

And it was true, there was only one...one bed, that is.

"So, that's what the innkeeper meant when he said there was only..." she trailed off thoughtfully.

Link frowned, thinking about sleeping on the floor, glumly. Then, a new thought occurred to him.

"Wait..." He said in a 'oh, god' voice.

"What?" Zelda said, raising an eyebrow at him.

"We walked in here...together..."

"Yes...obviously."

"And then, we sat down and ate together..."

"Yes, Link." Zelda drawled sarcastically, old fighting spirit showing through the stress and romanticism of the moments before.

"And, then..."

"And then, we came up here, together...so what?" She sighed, hands on hips. "Get to the point."

"Think about it...two guys, and one of us wearing ridiculously tight pants..."

Zelda stared at him for a full minute before it dawned on her. "Oh, Goddesses...they think we're...no wonder we were getting such strange looks!"

"And then you told off the 'Lounge Lizards'..."

"Oh, dear..."

"Yeah...we look totally gay..."

"I...oh, dear..." Zelda blushed furiously.

"How do you think I feel! I'm a real guy! I'll never get a girlfriend now...damn it!"

"...You're worried about something like that, now!" Zelda exclaimed, strangely hurt by the thought of him wanting a girlfriend.

"Well, duh! What, did you think I was gonna go out with you! I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life!"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean! What, am I not good enough for you, kappa!" Zelda cried, outraged.

"You've got to be joking me." Link growled at her, disquietingly softly. "You're a princess, Zelda."

He shut his mouth glaring at her in the silence. The line in Link's mine was clearly drawn. There was Princess and there was commoner, and the two simply did not mix. Ever.

"I live in a tree. You live in a palace. I like living in a tree. You're going to grow old and have grandkids and marry some rich prince or something...I am going to die before I'm thirty...probably killed fighting something...If I even have grandkids, I'll never get t'meet 'em. For fucks sake, girl...get your damn head on straight."

"So, you think being royalty is some great thing, do you! I hate being a princess! You always have to do whatever anyone tells you to, and act proper and you can't choose anything for yourself." Zelda shouted, glaring at Link threateningly. There were tears in her eyes, "I'm not even aloud to pick who I marry!"

Link glared back at her, just as angry. "So, what? You think you wanna live like me, do you?"

"YES!" Zelda cried, impassioned. "Ever since I was a little girl, I've always wanted to go on adventures! But, I was never even allowed to go outside the castle! I want to live like you! I want to be free! Not some little bird trapped in some tiny cage, to look pretty and sing for my father's court and nothing else! The only thing that kept me sane was Impa's lessons!"

Link stood silent, staring at her, letting her end her tirade. His face was grim, angry, and when she fell silent, he calmly took off his tunic with one smooth movement. His chest was...attractive, that much is undeniable...but it was not as you might expect. The wild and free life Link had led was not without it's costs, and there was a myriad of scars crisscrossing his torso.

"It's not like that," He told a wide-eyed Zelda. "It's not free or easy...I've nearly died more times than I can count...I got these scars 'adventuring' as you put it."

He sighed and looked away, sadly. "Damn, it Zelda...you're better off in the damn castle...It might not be much fun, but I'd rather you be...safe...At least in there you don't have to be scared that you'll get sick or hurt and starve before you can find help or heal enough to hunt...you have doctors and stuff...and good clothes and...nice stuff like that ocarina...Living the wild life...sucks..."

Zelda nodded, then shook her head, not sure whether she agreed with him or not. "I guess I...understand...but I still wanna be free..." She trailed off, staring at him, raking appreciatively down the well-muscled body of the Hero of Time.

"Uh...Link...?"

"What?"

"Um...no! Don't move your hand!" Zelda pointed at his hand, which had been leaning on his hip, holding the tunic, which had trailed down to cover...certain parts of Link's anatomy...

"What? It's not like I'm naked," Link groused, looking down at the form-fitting tights that he wore for their flexibility.

"You might as well be!" Zelda covered her eyes with one hand. "Geez, and you whined about me having tight pants! Please, get dressed!"

"What? God, women are so damn weird..." Link mumbled, slipping back into his tunic swiftly. "It's safe to look, your majesty."

"Great, but if you guys are done with your little heart-to-heart...there's still the issue of the bed," Navi rang cheerfully.

"Oh, that's no problem," Zelda smile primly. "Link is sleeping on the floor."

"Like hell I am!" Link cried, outraged. "I got zero sleep last night, and I'm always the guy who fights things, so I'm sleeping on the fluffy bed, damn it!"

"Okay, then! But, if you come over to my side of the bed, I'll cut your eyes out!"

"Fine!" Link retorted.

"Fine!" Zelda replied angrily.

"It is," Said Link.

"I know," Said Zelda.

"Go to sleep, lovebirds!" Navi cried.

"We're not..."Zelda and Link both began simultaneously, then trailed off, glaring.

Link curled onto his side, under the blankets of his side of the bed, feeling the slight weight of Zelda's body-heat. 'Damn girl...she's so damn confusing...I could almost get to like her...but, that's stupid...she's a fucking princess, Link...it just doesn't work...' Link heaved a tired sigh, closed his eyes and tried his damnedest to go to sleep.

'What the hell is he sighing about?' Zelda thought to herself. 'I can't figure him out...one minute he's screaming at me, and then he's sweet and gentle...he's a bastard anyway! I don't care if I'm a princess! I'll do whatever I want!'

The sun was well down now, as darkness closed over the world of Hyrule, shadows deepening into deepest black with the darkening night. the stars emerge, and the moon rose over the heads of our two heros...who knows what the day will bring?

-----To Be Continued-----