So how about that new Fire Emblem game, huh? I'm still only a short ways into it myself, due to life life-ing all over me lately and cutting into my gaming time, but what I have seen has been damn promising.


Chapter 22: Scars

In stark contrast to the first day, the rest of the journey back to Ylisstol actually goes quite smoothly. I manage to walk the rest of the trip back to Gelida Dominus, and most of the way home from there. The cart still beckons to me from time to time, but for the most part I'm able to keep up. After everything I've been through, the sense of normalcy that comes with marching alongside my fellow Shepherds feels damn good. Even more so when I consider the ludicrous pace that Frederick has been pushing us at.

On the other hand, I'm suffering a serious crisis of conscience that makes it mentally taxing to talk to my fellow Shepherds, so there's a bit of balance there.

Ever since my discussion with Anna I've felt that urge building up again. I want to go home. You'd think the time spent in a literal prison cell would have done plenty to make me feel homesick, but I think I just overruled all that with spite at the time. And the rock concert at the Arena was just one big (futile) effort to make myself forget after what had happened.

Nostalgia and sadness don't make me long for home, I guess. All it took was a little bit of hope.

Still, letting that weird, bitter, mishmash of emotions affect the others would be a dick move, so I've done my best to act normal around them. In that regard Anna's little stunt on day one worked out in my favor. Even if it did mean a lot of nervous hovering from Lissa for the next few days. Covering up the context of my discussion with her made it a lot easier for me to act normal.

Hiding so much is exhausting, far more so than the march. The mental taxation of appearing normal is a strain I've long been used to, but it never gets any easier.

A bloody axe. My ruined body, still impaled. Chungus' leering face peering through the bars of a cage. Ben the Butcher. Anna's revelation. The coming apocalypse. My home, out of reach for over half a year now. Lucina's grudge. Severa.

Well, on the bright side, if I haven't lost my mind by now I probably never will!

Haha… heh… yup.

It all sounds very grim (because it is). But life goes on. And I have to as well. I have to keep recovering, keep struggling. The good part of all this is that as much as recent events have caused me some grief, they've also given me more reasons to live.

I have hope now, hope that I can go home, even if it feels like a total longshot. And Severa…

I haven't forgotten the way she acted that night I nearly died. I probably never will. And I care too much about that kid to put her through that again. I've still barely begun to unpack the internal conflict between going home and looking after her, but I'm going to make sure she'll be alright no matter what I decide to do in the end.

Anyways, at the end of the day depression is just faulty brain chemistry. I'm not going to let myself get done in by that after surviving an arrow to the lung! That would be just plain stupid.

Perspective is a hell of a drug.

Of course, if we're talking about good ways to stop the human mind from killing itself with emotions, there's few things better than a familiar comfort. Which is why when we reach the top of the winding road up to the castle I'm practically skipping.

"We finally made it!" Lissa cheers from behind me. "Home sweet home!"

"Indeed, it is a welcome relief after this long journey." Chrom chuckles, waving a cheerful hello to the guards as they salute. "Unfortunately, we'll have little chance of rest yet, dear sister. We still need to give our report to Emm."

"Aww…" Lissa visibly deflates, before springing back up like nothing happened. "Oh! But we get to see Emm again! Alright, let's go!" She grins and runs ahead, rushing for the castle gates.

"Well, that was a quick turnaround." Chrom says bemusedly. "Not unexpected, though. At any rate, Robin, Frederick, I'll ask you two to accompany me. Sumia, if you could take care of things at the barracks?"

"You can count on me!" Sumia replies with a grin. Our leaders all head off after Lissa, while the rest of us return to the barracks.

The barracks are in sight, just across the training grounds, and they make for a welcome sight. The midday sun reflecting off snow casts the building in a cheery glow as we approach, and the castle guard wave friendly hellos to us as we march past. On the far side I see the Pegasus Knights training, running some sort of diving drills against targets on the ground. A familiar flash of red hair catches my eye, but I turn aside after only a moment.

It's a testament to how tired I am that I'm able to ignore Cordelia even after everything that's happened recently. Who cares if I adopted her future kid, I want sleep and I'm damn well gonna get it!

Of course, all hope of fulfilling that desire is blown away when Sully voices an innocent, but all too terrifying question.

"Do you suppose the maids knew we were getting back today?"


As it turns out, the maids weren't expecting us back at all; Frederick's absurd marching pace causing us to arrive well ahead of the typical travel times for such a journey. Our presence at the barracks was something the poor women weren't at all prepared for, and the end result was Sumia consoling two teary eyed maids who were thoroughly distraught at the situation. The job of cleaning the place out after such a long absence would normally be the work of at least a dozen castle servants working half the day, but the surprise of our arrival meant two was all that could be spared.

Thankfully, while Sumia is certainly from a noble family she's also no stranger to domestic life, given the extent of her time spent watching the barracks, and most of the Shepherds are from a humble background as well. The decision to split into groups and divide chores was easily agreed upon by all(though Virion seemed a bit put out at the thought). Anna and Donnel went to the market to resupply our kitchen until regular shipments could be resumed. Stahl, Kellam, and I volunteered to clean out said kitchen. And the rest of the Shepherds banded together with the two maids to clear out bedrooms.

It certainly did put a damper on the general mood of the group, though.

"I blame Frederick for this." I snarl, scrubbing months of dust from the kitchen counter. "His ridiculous marching pace is the reason we arrived a week ahead of schedule."

"This certainly isn't much fun." Stahl nods in agreement, scrubbing the cookware clean. "But just think: in the end it'll mean an extra week of sleeping in a proper bed!"

"And an extra week of proper training now that we have the field to work with." I give a crooked grin. "No doubt that's what Frederick's thinking of now."

"No doubt." Stahl chuckles, stacking the last of our plates next to the sink. "Well, that's everything. Thank goodness for the plumbing, I don't want to think of how long that would have taken without it."

"Tell me about it." I groan. "I come from a place where you can get running water everywhere, if I had to head for the nearest well or river every time I wanted a drink or a wash I'd go bloody well crazy."

"I always forget that you're from another world, honestly." Stahl nods along, grabbing a bucket from the cupboard and scooping soapy water from the sink. "I swear sometimes you act as though you've lived here your whole life."

"I've had plenty of time to adjust by now." I shrug, hopping up onto the counter as Stahl pours the water across the tiled floor. "A big part of that is where we're staying, of course. The luxuries afforded this place are… well, not on par, but at least somewhat comparable to the general standard of living back home. And magical innovations bridge a lot of gaps that I'd struggle with otherwise."

"And I suppose even this dusty kitchen must feel luxurious after those cages." Stahl nods along thoughtfully as he scrubs, then blanches as his words catch up to him. "Gods, Ben, I'm so sorry! I swear sometimes my mouth runs wild and it's all my brain can do to keep up."

"Chill dude." I give him a half-hearted smile. "Anyway, you're not wrong. It was hell. And compared to hell, a dusty kitchen like this is nothing."

"Hasn't stopped you complaining though." Stahl shoots back, and I burst into surprised laughter.

"Hey man, no matter what I've seen, a filthy kitchen is still a filthy kitchen." I get down and help Stahl push the rest of the nasty floor water towards the drain, and fill the bucket up with fresh water from the pump to rinse the soap away. "When we're done though, we'll be able to cook up a storm in here!"

"Really, we're nearly done now…" Stahl muses as we finish cleaning the floors. "Other than the stuff we brought on the road this was a rather easy job. Though I think we should keep quiet about that."

"Oh absolutely. Sumia might put us to work elsewhere otherwise." I grin conspiratorially. I pause for a moment, and look out the door of the kitchen. "How are those tables looking, Kellam?"

"Nearly done!" Kellam calls back with a grin. "And if anyone asks I'll say it nearly killed me."

"That's the spirit!" I chuckle. "How long do you suppose it'll be before Donnel and Anna get back with the groceries?"

"Well, Anna clearly knows her way around a market, but it's a long walk there and back. She probably likes to take her time haggling, too… I'd say another hour at least." Kellam muses.

"Sounds like we have enough time to get a bath in before we have to start cooking, then!" Stahl chimes in.

"See Stahl, this kind of keen intellect is why we're such good friends."


Our belongings remain with the carts while the others clean out the bedrooms, so the three of us are able to grab a change of clothes and head for the bathhouse without disturbing Sumia's operation in the other half of the barracks. The sun's growing low by now, the unfortunate side effect of the short winter days, and by the time Anna and Donnel return with ingredients for dinner I have little doubt that the sun will be setting.

Perhaps as a result of this, the knights that were training outside are already in the process of concluding their drills. Equipment is being gathered up and set aside, and eyes are drawn to us as we pass by. The knights practically drip with sweat despite the cold air, breath coming out in large, visible puffs of fog.

"Looks like we're just ahead of the rush hour." Stahl chuckles as we enter the men's side of the baths. "Good thing too, it's always nicer to bathe with fresher water."

"Oof, honestly never thought of that." I grimace. "How often do they change out the tubs here?"

"They change them out around an hour after the knights conclude their training." Kellam answers. "It's part of why Frederick tends to conclude training when he does. He starts earlier and ends earlier so we don't have to reuse their water."

"Thank you Frederick." I reply, feeling a bit ill. "I'm still getting used to the idea of sitting in full view of everyone while I bathe. If I had to use somebody else's dirty bathwater too…" Ugh. Yeah, gonna stop thinking about it before I throw up. Fuck medieval hygiene standards right to hell. God damn.

"Oh I agree! When I think back to the old days when I had to share bathwater with my brothers…" Kellam shudders. "Thankfully there's enough tubs that it's typically not much of a problem, but if you make the mistake of entering at the wrong time… Well, don't. It's bad."

"Duly noted." I deadpan as I start peeling out of my clothes, still filthy from travel and the cleanup afterwards.

When I hear a gasp from behind me I realize my mistake.

Washing on the road is a tricky affair, which typically takes the form of a brief dip in a cold river unless there's time to set up a bathing tent (Something that didn't happen nearly as often as I would prefer, given the pace we moved at). It's a very unpleasant experience, done very infrequently this time of year. Miriel's heat spell works wonders to stave off much of the danger, but it's still intensely uncomfortable.

All of this is to say there hasn't been too many opportunities for anyone to see what my fucking torso looks like. Severa, Noire, and Donnel all know because they saw me during my recovery, and Lissa and Frederick have seen it as well due to being my healer and personal trainer respectively. But aside from them, nobody has seen it, not even Chrom.

Until I got so desperate for a bath that I completely forgot about this and decided to take my shirt off in front of two of my closer friends. A lapse of thought that has bared the absolute mess of new scars I've picked up for all to see. I don't want to think about how they'd react if they saw my chest first.

As it stands there's a soft 'thwump' of clothing falling to the ground, a sharp hiss of air from Stahl's teeth, and a low muttering of 'Gods!' from Kellam. I feel my body tense up against my will, and immediately rack my brain for an answer to just how I should handle this bullshit. I shouldn't have to put up with this kind of ordeal, I just want to clean up properly for a change!

The perfect strategy comes to me immediately. I… continue undressing as if nothing is wrong. I carry on like normal, climb into a bath, and start washing. And when Kellam and Stahl follow me in a minute later they start doing the same thing.

Apparently they took the hint that I don't want to make a big deal out of this. Huh. That was easier than I expected, though I suppose it helps that my companions are… well they're just nice, I guess. Not really a better word for it.

There's a minute or two as all of us scrub clean where the room is filled with a somewhat awkward silence, before Stahl finally comments. "We should try to make this brief, I guess."

"You think so?" I frown, wondering to myself if he's worried about the knights seeing me. "Why's that?"

"Well, last time the guards came in while Kellam was bathing, one of them didn't see him in the tub and tried to get in with him."

"Stahl! Don't tell him that!" Kellam yells indignantly.

Naturally, I burst out laughing at the revelation. "Holy shit that's incredible! What did you do?"

Kellam groans, sinking low in the tub until only the top of his head can be seen (which promptly seems to fade away in the haze of steam. "Well, yelling at him didn't work, he didn't notice me, so in the end…"

"When the guy tried to climb in Kellam punched him in the face!" Stahl exclaims with a grin. "And get this, the guards still didn't know Kellam was there! They thought the poor bastard slipped and hit his head!"

"What!" I roar with laughter alongside Stahl, as Kellam grumbles and takes it all in stride.

After the laughter subsides, and the three of us return to regular conversation, I realize what those two are up to. The tense atmosphere is gone completely, no thanks to me, and we're back to joking like nothing ever happened.

It's something I feel that I can't help but voice as we towel dry and get dressed again. "You guys are good people, you know that?"

Stahl looks surprised, but recovers quickly. "We're just making conversation, Ben. It's nothing to fuss over. I'm sure if Kellam were still here he'd say the same."

"I'm right here… Come on, guys."

"Oh, Kellam, I thought you'd left ahead of us!"

The three of us manage to slip out just as the guards all storm the baths, eager to clean up and get out of the cold. I'm the last to leave, and find myself practically pinned against the wall as they rush past. By the time the coast is clear I realize that Stahl and Kellam have already managed to escape the building, and jog to catch up.

By the time I see Cordelia enter the door it's too late to stop myself, though that doesn't stop me from trying. I do my best to stop, but fail to realize that the guards tracked an absolute shitload of snow and mud in.

I guess even a Canadian can fall victim to the snow if he doesn't know to look for it.

My foot goes sideways, and I see a brief glimpse of Cordelia's startled face before the rest of me follows. "SHIT!" I yelp in surprise, and for a brief moment I'm worried I'm about to catch a face full of mud. It would suck to need another bath so soon after the last one.

Strong arms catch me before I can hit the ground. Cordelia is apparently no slouch when it comes to upper body strength. Of course, she's still half a foot shorter than me and a whole lot lighter. So there's a brief moment when it looks like I'm going to drag her down to the floor with me before I manage to reach out and steady us both by grabbing the door frame. I'm left leaning half against the door frame, half into Cordelia's arms for a brief moment, staring up into her eyes in shock.

"Ben? Are you alright?" She looks down worriedly.

Perhaps it's because I'm so startled by everything, but I immediately find myself saying the first thing that comes to mind: "My hero!"

"I beg your pardon?" Cordelia tilts her head in confusion and I promptly burst into laughter.

"Hahaha! Oh man, sorry about that! I just- that catch was like something out of a bad romance novel!" I tug against the door frame, and Cordelia helps me upright. It takes considerable more effort on her part though, since I'm still laughing my head off like a total jackass.

"I suppose I can see the similarities, now that you mention it." Cordelia responds with a wry grin. "Though in most stories it's the gallant man who sweeps the woman off her feet."

"Eh, I believe in equal opportunities between genders." I say, still giggling a little bit to myself. "Who says women can't take the lead once in a while? Aheheh… right, um, pfft-"

"Perhaps I should give you a minute." Cordelia gives me a bemused smile. "Allow you to collect yourself?"

"Nonono, I'm good." I say, clearing my throat. "Ahem! Right, you okay? For a second there I thought I was going to bowl you over."

"Oh, I'm quite alright." Cordelia says, now smiling fully. "You managed to redirect that potential mishap firmly towards yourself."

"Glad to hear it." I respond, still not quite able to wipe the stupid grin from my face. "That was a good catch, by the way."

"I certainly try." Cordelia nods. "Rescuing those in danger is part of a Pegasus Knight's duty, after all."

"I imagine so. So, I guess you all just finished your training?" I crane my head past her and peer out the door. "Are the other Pegasus Knights heading our way?"

Immediately Cordelia's face falls. "Oh no, they'll already be inside. I had to remain behind to feed the Pegasus. 'Little Lady Genius' is so very good at Pegasus care, after all. And our Pegasus deserve nothing but the best."

Wow, that was some incredible levels of sarcasm. I'd be impressed if I wasn't so irritated. "They're still pulling that shit? One would hope our Pegasus Knights were capable of finding better things to do."

"One would hope." Cordelia replies. "Oh but listen to me, I shouldn't be bothering you with this; you just got back from a long trip just a few hours ago. I hope it was a fruitful journey?"

"Very much so." I grin. "I'm pleased to be the first to tell you that Chrom has successfully negotiated an alliance with Regna Ferox."

Cordelia flushes a little at that. "I knew he would succeed. He does so much for Ylisse, after all, how could he possibly fail?"

"Yeah, it wasn't easy, but we managed to pull it off." I nod along, graciously pretending her little crush isn't just… absurdly obvious. "Had to jump through a lot of hoops to get there though."

"Oh dear. I hope it wasn't too dangerous."

Unbidden, the image of Ezra's sneering face jumps to my mind. "…Nothing I couldn't handle."

Cordelia pauses at my tone, then looks me up and down, apparently trying to determine my sincerity. There's thankfully little to be gleaned from that, since I'm dressed for the cold weather. No scars to give me away. Or so I think, but she still manages to figure something out, because of course she does. "Well the trip seems to have done well for you, at any rate. You've lost weight."

She doesn't know, Ben. Don't be an ass.

"I suppose I have, haven't I?" I chuckle. "Yeah, that cold mountain air does wonders for your health. Anyways, I should be going, I'm supposed to be helping Stahl with cooking duty tonight."

"Oh!" Cordelia blinks at the abrupt turn in the conversation. "Well, I suppose I should apologize for keeping you, then."

"No, no! Don't worry about it. I enjoy talking with you, I just… gotta go. Good night!" I grin disarmingly and step past her towards the door.

"Of course. Good night…" Cordelia still looks puzzled, and I leave before she can think to press me further.

I hadn't realised how... visible the evidence of my trauma was. To think that it could be noticed so easily, even without the scars...

The rest of the night is spent in shutdown mode. I cook dinner, eat quickly, speak to no one, and head to bed. Then I spend the next two hours kicking myself for being an absolute ass until I finally manage to fall asleep.


I awake the next morning to absolute pandemonium. Footsteps ring out down the hall, and I hear the sounds of voices yelling. For a moment or two, all I can do is stare blankly at my bedroom door in confusion, wondering what the hell's going on.

Then I hear somebody mention Themis and clarity snaps me out of my drowsiness like a fist to the gut. Themis? Now? That can't be right!

I dress myself in a hurry and burst out the door to see my fellow Shepherds in a similar state of disarray. "Lon'qu!" I yell at the nearest one. "What the hell's going on?"

"An attack by Plegia, from the sounds of it. The King has taken some nobleman's daughter hostage, and your Exalt goes to parley." Lon'qu grumbles. "And as I understand it, we go to ensure the Exalt keeps her head."

"Fuck!" I snarl, diving back into my room to grab my jacket and bracers. The weight of the chainmail is something I'm honestly not sure I can properly handle just yet, but the protection is something I'll need in my current state. I'm in no way ready for this.

God damn it, of all the times for the game to prove accurate! Events have been happening weeks apart if not more compared to the game's representation, and I was fucking counting on that to get by here. With all the travelling that's been done I've barely begun with my rehabilitation. My legs are stronger from all the marching I've done, but my upper body is lacking. I lifted some weights while riding the cart, but that's no substitute for proper physical therapy.

I grab a hand axe, the only one of my weapons to have survived the ordeal at Kidnapper's Keep, and re-emerge into the hallway to see that the others have already left for the carts. Shit, I'll need to move fast.

First thing's first, I rush for the armory on the first floor. No way in hell I'm facing the opening act of a full blown war with just a fucking hand axe. I need proper weapons. I give Virion a nod as he exits the room, arms laden with loaded quivers, and make my way inside.

I start by grabbing a second hand axe, checking several before I find one with a similar weight to my own (I'm still not good enough to compensate for the difference on the fly). I consider the swords for a moment or two, but decide against taking one. My specialty remains with axes, and this isn't the time to experiment. I grab a battle axe from the wall, and-


Ezra gasps as my axe finally finds purchase in his chest. His thrashing ceases immediately as the blade bursts through his ribs. There's a long moment where I stare down at the fatal blow, almost surprised to have properly hit him after the long struggle, but it's true. Ezra stares down at this chest in similar disbelief. He mutters something, or tries to at least, but his lungs are well past functioning at this point. An almost peaceful expression slips across his face as he dies.

The sight of such tranquility on a man such as him drives my fury to the boiling point once again. My blade makes a sickeningly wet sound as I tear it away.

I bring down my axe, driving it into his chest cavity once more, and shattering his remaining ribs completely. I bring down my axe, mangling Ezra's calm visage and opening his skull. I bring down my axe, and as I tear it out of the body I send entrails flying behind me. I bring down my axe, and Ezra's head splits completely, his eyes bursting from their sockets. I bring down-


"GAAAAHHH!" I bellow in horror, the battle axe slipping from my fingers and falling to the ground with a loud clatter. I barely have the presence of mind to hop backwards, avoiding a potential accident from the falling blade, and lean heavily against the rack of spears in the middle of the room, gasping for air. That was one of the worst episodes I've had to date…

I take a minute to recover, then try again, reaching for the axe to-


Blood flecks across my skin as I pound the corpse into paste-


Nononononononononononononononono. No. Fuck no, we're having none of that.

I snarl down at my trembling hands as I recover, "You weak fucker. Get over it. That was hardly the first time you killed, and you don't have the luxury to let it be the last." My breathing turns to sobbing as I collapse to my knees. "Aw fuck, this is going to be a problem, isn't it?"

I can't use a battle axe. It's not possible. And as I think this, my body somehow manages to pick it up and set it back in its place without issue.

Apparently touching is fine, as long as I'm not attempting to resolve myself to… bring it down. Fuck.

Now what? I can't go in there without a proper melee weapon. A sword, maybe? I suppose that's my only choice. I head back for the swords, and gritting my teeth, grab for the closest one. My hand closes around the grip and… nothing. Well, not nothing, I'm still shaking like a leaf, but I can hold this thing, which means I can fight!

"There will be no need for that, Ben."

"WHOA! What the fuck!" I whirl in shock to see Frederick eyeing me from the doorway. "Don't sneak up on me like that, Frederick! You trying to give me a heart attack?"

"Hmm, how odd. I've been standing here for a while now. I wonder, is this how Kellam feels?" Frederick muses. "It makes one wonder the sort of things he must have seen while beneath his veil of obscurity."

"Is that so?" I gulp, "And, uhh, what sort of things have you seen?"

Frederick gives me a pitying look. "Well, I arrived shortly after you screamed and dropped your axe."

"Oh."

"Yes, for a moment I was of the impression that you had somehow injured yourself, but when you started speaking to yourself it became all too clear what was truly going on."

"Peeking and eavesdropping, then." I snark. "Unbecoming of an honorable knight."

"Perhaps so." Frederick replies with a sigh. "But at the very least I can say that this has helped me make the correct decision now."

A weight settles in my gut. "No, Frederick, don't you fucking dare-"

"You will not be joining us." Frederick cuts me off sternly. "You are in no condition to defend yourself if things should go south on this trip, as we all expect it might."

"Fuck you."

"Your physical recovery is lacking enough as is, but seeing now that your mental recovery is so very far behind."

"Fuck! Off!" I snarl, clawing at my hair, feeling the too short length between my fingers like a badge of shame, feeling the jagged scar that is only barely covered. Feeling with every fibre of my being just how right he is and how infuriating and demeaning that truth is.

"Ben." Frederick sighs, placing a hand on my shoulder. "I'm not doing this to punish you. There is no shame in this, save for the shame I feel myself. I should have realized sooner. Had it only occurred to me, the extent of your suffering…"

"What can I say, I'm a damn good liar." I mutter.

"Indeed." Frederick manages a wry smile. "But lying to yourself will not get you through this. I know. Believe me I know all too well. You are not the first man I've seen try it."

"I believe you." I reply, noting the somber tone in his voice. "But that doesn't mean I can just sit back and do nothing while you all face a potential war without me! Let me go with you Frederick, I know I can do this!"

"Perhaps you can." Frederick replies. "Naga knows you have performed a great many acts I believed to be beyond you since you came to this place. But those successes of yours have come with high costs. Horrible injuries. Broken hearts. Every time you tear yourself apart for the sake of prevailing in an impossible battle it drives your friends mad with grief and worry. I have seen it often enough already in the short time since you've joined us."

"I'd rather they worry than see them die."

"And they feel much the same about you." Frederick replies firmly. "No, I will not budge on this Ben. With every passing moment I feel all the more strongly about this. Your apparent desire for martyrdom makes it all the more clear to me that I have left this alone for far too long. Stay at the barracks. Dedicate yourself to your recovery, both physical and mental. We shall be back in two weeks' time, and you shall be here waiting for us. Consider it an order."

There's no talking him out of it. My next few attempts are cut off before they can even begin. I follow Frederick out of the barracks, and stand back at the doorway as he tells the others.

Any thoughts I was making of pulling a Ricken and sneaking along fade immediately when I see the sheer relief on the faces of Severa and the others. I really have been driving them mad with worry, haven't I?

Well fuck. Guess I'm staying, then.

I hug Sumia, Lissa, Noire, and even Miriel of all people, and accept the customary clap on the back from Sully. I crack jokes with Stahl and Robin and Virion, and wish Chrom good luck. I wish Emmeryn good luck as well (because it'd be a dick move not to, even if I think her cause is hopeless), and am gifted with a beatific smile in response.

Severa comes after the others move back to the carts and surprises me with a hug of her own, muttering into my shoulder, "I'll look after them for you. Don't worry Dad."

"As long as you don't do anything I would do I won't have anything to worry about." I grin, patting her on the shoulder. "Now go on, before we start drawing weird looks."

"Right." She jogs back to the others, taking her place as one of the cart drivers and chatting with the other Shepherds like she's always belonged there. I wish I could have hugged her a bit longer. The part of me that longs to be open about my new-found parenthood is steadily getting more impatient.

"I owe you an apology." A voice says from behind me.

"AH! What the fuck is with people and sneaking up on me all of a sudden?" I whirl around irritably and come to an abrupt stop. "Oh. Cordelia. Hello again."

"I didn't mean to sneak up on you." Cordelia replies sheepishly. "I was waiting for an opportunity to talk to you, and didn't want to interrupt." She gazes over to Severa. "You two seem close."

"Uhh, yeah, I guess…" I pause, considering my words for a moment. I don't want to lie about this, at least not to Severa's only real parent. I settle for a half-truth instead. "I guess I've adopted her, in a way."

"Oh, how lovely!" Cordelia grins. "Sumia frets over her a great deal. She'll be thrilled to know."

"I'm sure she will." I give a half-hearted smile. "We're, uhh… We're keeping it discrete for the moment though, so maybe don't tell Sumia just yet. Not sure what you've heard about me, but my family situation is a bit… complicated."

"I see. Well, I won't pry."

The two of us stand in silence for a moment before I awkwardly clear my throat. "Ahem! So, uhh, you wanted to talk to me?"

"Ah. Yes." Cordelia winces. "I owe you an apology for yesterday."

"There's nothing to apologise for."

"There's a great deal to apologise for and you know it." Cordelia replies crossly. "I'm honestly mortified just thinking about it. The tactlessness I showed yesterday, it was just-"

"You couldn't have known."

"I did know! Not the specifics, but I knew you were holding something back, and I kept prodding anyways! Sumia was furious when I asked her about it, the maddest I've ever seen her get with me." Cordelia sighs despondently. "It was not my proudest moment by any means."

"It was an honest mistake." I sigh and shake my head. "You couldn't have known. Uhh, what do you know, by the way?"

"I was not entrusted with any details, and I think that's for the best." Cordelia replies, still looking upset with herself. "I was simply informed that you lost weight due to a traumatic experience, and that Ferox was far less kind to you than your fellow Shepherds."

"Hmm. We'll leave it at that, then." I look over to the rest of Emmeryn's retinue. "From the look of things you won't have time for that story anyways. It looks like Phila's about to call the Pegasus Knights together."

"Yes, I should be going." Cordelia nods. "Alright then. You're sure there's no hard feelings?"

"Positive." I give her a small smile. "Think no more of it."

"Very well." She holds a hand up. "Until next time."

A bit formal, but it's not the best time to be poking fun at people. "Until next time." I give her hand a firm shake and then watch as she rushes over to join her fellow knights. There's some jeering, barely audible from where I stand, and then the knights take off as one, flying as the vanguard on this journey, while the Shepherds watch Emmeryn directly from the ground.

The procession doesn't remain for much longer. Time is of the essence, after all; every minute that passes could mean death for Maribelle. The Pegasus descend past the cliff face, and the Shepherds drive their carts and horses forward. The Shepherds wave me farewell, and head off to face Gangrel. To face the start of another war, though they don't realize it yet.

And here I am, watching them leave.


Some of you may be disappointed with what this decision means, and I want you to know that in a way I am, too. The story put its foot down on this one though. Sometimes it has a mind of its own, and today was one of those days. The story says Ben needs a fucking nap, and I know better than to argue with my stories. Nothing good comes of fighting it. It always knows best.