Sorry for yet another long wait everyone. I had to delete a good 3000 words to get this chapter moving in the right direction. Omelette, eggs, you know the deal. Let's get going.


Chapter 24: The Nature of War

A week later and I've come to the conclusion that Battleaxes just aren't going to be a thing for me for the foreseeable future. It's a shame, but not something I can really do anything about at this point. The trauma there is just too raw, too brutal, for me to really deal with. The healthiest thing I can do is get used to a new weapon and forge my way forward once more.

When I consulted Libra about it he seemed to agree. "Your mind seems to have twisted the axe into a symbol of everything that went wrong that night." He had said, "If you are to take your reasons for fighting in a new direction, I think it is best that you take your method of fighting in a new direction as well. Build your reason, your skills, your mind, and your body back up together. The symmetry of it, the symbolism, will bring you even greater strength."

"More spiritual stuff, huh?"

"In a way. But you cannot deny that the logic is sound."

He was right, in the end. I held out for a couple more attempts, trying my best to wield an axe properly, but there was too little progress. Flashbacks seem to be less frequent and less intense than before, but I still feel sick to my stomach every time I hold the fucking thing.

So I guess I'm changing classes. Popping a second seal, making the jump to mercenary. Or just picking up a different weapon and swinging it around instead, since this world doesn't hold itself to game logic (thank fuck). I am now a swordsman. Or a swordsman in training.

I've run drills with Frederick for swords before, so it's definitely the best thing to be using for the moment. Though some of the maces in the armory look awfully tempting…

It's not a good idea right now though. Can't think about learning a new weapon while I'm so far behind my fellow Shepherds. I'm back to being the weakest one in the group, after all. I need to get back on par with them as soon as possible.

Nobody else knows it yet, but this country is already at war. Frederick's two week deadline has come, after all. The incident at the border has had ample time to occur. If I can't hold my own by the time this thing escalates then I'm pretty well fucked.

So I keep training, studying, meditating, and improving. Progress is steady now that Libra's set me on the right track, though in many ways it's still very frustrating to deal with. Mostly because in spite of all of Libra's symmetry talk, things are pretty fucking unbalanced in my development. My body is getting pretty close to combat ready, but my brain is being a big fuckup like usual and holding me back. I still drop my sword from time to time while training, and can't seem to stop flinching right before I hit. Until I've moved past this shit I won't be able to last in a fight worth a damn.

The frustration is not a good thing at all, since I tend to vent my frustrations on inanimate objects if it gets too bad. Nearest thing that fits the bill? The dummy. I've already had one incident the other day when I tore into the fucking thing with my hands and ended up vomiting all over the fucking place because of course that gave me another fucking flashback-

I'm losing focus again.

I retake my stance, eyeing the dummy in question spitefully. It's still a bit crooked, and looking a bit deflated in the areas where I ripped the straw out. Also stained, eww fuck! Okay, I'm burning this one once I'm done killing it for the evening.

Alright, now let's just… brace ourselves. Focus. Remember what we're doing this for. And… swing.

My blade flashes forward. A perfect horizontal slice. And I manage the follow through! Yes!

My face stretches into a grin as my sword erupts from the other side of the dummy. The whole thing is barely standing, wobbling in place now that I've cut it nearly in half. "I did it!" I crow triumphantly, throwing my hands into the air.

"PEGASUS KNIGHTS SPOTTED!"

"Huh?" I whirl around at the sudden cry, trying to find the source. I see a couple of the castle guard pointing towards the setting sun, and turn to follow their gaze- the dummy collapses on me. "Oh fuck off!"

I shoulder the thing aside and squint into the horizon. It's difficult to see anything, but after a moment or two of shading my eyes against the sunlight I spot what the guards did: at least a dozen Pegasus knights, little more than tiny shadows in the sky. They're finally here.

Well… I turn and eye the dummy.

I suppose I have a little bit of time yet.


Felicity ends up scolding me for setting fires on the training grounds, stopping to give me an earful on her way to the barracks. She doesn't stay long though, bustling along with the other maids to make sure there isn't a repeat of the last time the Shepherds returned to the barracks. It seems unnecessary, considering they've been gone only a fraction of the time, and I've been keeping the kitchen clean. Still, I have to admire their dedication.

I clean up my own mess with plenty of time to spare, as the incoming Pegasus Knights are still a distant sight as I reach the gates of the castle where the guards are assembled. My initial count was definitely off; there's closer to two dozen of the riders. Though one of them looks a little… off.

"Is that a Griffon?" I squint, trying to figure out what I can from the silhouette. Short, wide body, broader wings, no visible tail… yeah, that's a Griffon, alright. Ferox did have Griffons, but I only ever saw them from afar. Hopefully I get a chance to see this one up close. My childhood fantasies come drifting to the forefront of my thoughts.

"That Griffon rider has the Exalt!" A particularly sharp-eyed guard calls out from my right, setting the crowd to muttering. Can't say I blame them, since there sure as shit wasn't a Griffon with the group when they left Ylisstol.

There's a commotion from my right as the flyers draw closer, the sound coming from a group of pompous looking asshats in silks that burst from the castle doors. "Make way, make way!" One of them, a rather round looking fellow with long limbs that makes me think of a spider, shrieks as he waves frantically at the mass of guards in front of the door. "You must allow us to pass! It is of the utmost importance that we are there to greet the Exalt upon her return personally!"

There's some disgruntled grumbling as the guards reluctantly part to let the men and women strut their way to the edge of the crowd, standing front and center as the Knights make their landing.

I look back to the group and feel a deep sense of relief. It's not just the Griffon with an extra passenger; several of the other riders have passengers of their own as well. The first faces I see jump out at me are Maribelle and Lissa, riding behind Cordelia and Sumia respectively. Wing Commander Phila is there as well, with Noire of all people riding behind her. There's Ricken, near the back, and Donnel, who falls to the ground on all fours after dismounting. And Lon'qu, with a mess of bandages across his torso that his clothing barely hides.

Actually, looking again, nobody here seems to be in very good shape. The whole group looks exhausted, right down to their Pegasus, who huff so loudly that it practically drowns out everything else. And Lon'qu is far from the only one here with an injury. Ricken's head is heavily bandaged beneath that ridiculous hat of his, Donnel has a clear limp, and most of the Pegasus Knights are similarly injured.

The only people in the crowd who show no signs of wear or fatigue are Phila, standing proudly beside her Pegasus, Cordelia, doing her best to emulate her commander's example, and the Griffon rider, who tends to a bundle strapped closely to her chest as she helps Emmeryn dismount.

"You there… Ben, was it?" I snap to attention as Phila calls over. "I need you to come tend to this one."

I jog over and Phila practically drops Noire into my arms. The girl is awake, but only barely, tottering unsteadily on her feet even as I hold her upright. "Is she alright?"

"She'll be fine. She merely pushed herself too hard." Phila gives me a soft smile. "She must have shot down at least a dozen wyverns single-handedly. Add a two day long flight after that and this is what happens."

"Damn, way to go, kiddo." I give Noire's shoulders a pat, before looking back up to Phila. "Wyverns, you said? So that means…"

"I'm afraid so." Phila replies, expression turning grim. "Now then, I must be tending to the Exalt. Please excuse me." She stalks away before I can say another word, taking Emmeryn from the Griffon rider. The Exalt looks despondent for the brief moment I see her, before seeming to find her strength and walking forward to the rest of the crowd.

The guards are silent, seeing the state of the knights and understanding what the sight must mean. Only a handful of the nobles seem to have the same grasp of the situation, the rest blustering and strutting about like peacocks as Emmeryn approaches.

"Everyone." Emmeryn's voice rings out over the crowd despite her gentle tone. "It is with a heavy heart that I must return with grave news. My mission to Plegia has been met with failure. While we managed the safe return of Lady Maribelle, it is at grave cost. The King of Plegia has… declared war upon our Halidom, despite my best efforts to maintain peace between our countries. We must stay strong now, and remember that our greatest duty now must be the protection of the Ylissean people."

It's a short speech, but evidently all she has the strength for at the moment, because she makes her way towards the castle the moment she finishes speaking. Several of the nobles attempt to stop her, but Phila scares them away. They scatter long enough for the Wing Commander to hustle Emmeryn into the castle, though several of them trail after her, desperately begging for more information.

"That was not handled well." I mutter, grimacing as the silent crowd begins to move. "They needed more from their leader than just a few short sentences."

"It's been a rough couple of days." Noire murmurs, still leaning heavily on me. "We flew straight here with as many of the injured as we could. Barely any time to rest. It's why Lady Emmeryn was with that Griffon, they can fly much better over… over long distances." She yawns loudly.

"Okay, looks like we'd better get you to bed. Come on." I glance over towards the barracks, where the other Shepherds are already heading.

"I-I really don't feel up to walking right now." Noire groans pitifully. "Carry me?"

I stare blankly down at her for a moment, before shrugging. "Eh, what the hell." I drop to one knee. "Climb on, let's go."

"Piggyback?" She asks dubiously, walking slowly behind me.

"Well I'm certainly not about to carry you all the way back to the barracks bridal-style. Would you prefer a fireman carry?"

"U-um, I don't-"

"That's the one where I drape you across my shoulders sideways."

Her arms link around my neck a moment later. I hook my arms around her legs and haul myself upright, then take a moment to readjust so her tits aren't quite so squashed against my back. This girl has ludicrous proportions for somebody who can't be any older than Severa. And those are not okay thoughts to be having about a girl ten years younger than you Ben, you creep.

"You good?" I ask my passenger as I finish shifting around.

"Uh-huh." Noire replies sleepily. "Thanks, Uncle." With how tired she is there's no way her voice carries anywhere past my ears, but I can't help but feel paranoid that she just called me that. I find myself glancing around nervously to see if anyone overheard. Cordelia gives me an odd look as she walks nearby, leading her Pegasus to the stables, but I'm pretty sure she's just wondering why I'm carrying a teenager on my back. All I can do is tilt my head in as near a shrug as I can manage, smiling helplessly. She gives me a weary smile in return, then pauses, her eyes drawn to something behind me.

I turn to follow her gaze and see the Griffon and its rider, both still standing awkwardly by the gates. Oh right, everyone kinda just ran off on them, huh? I turn back and call to Cordelia. "I'll handle it, go get some rest!" For a brief moment she looks like she wants to protest, but a nudge from her Pegasus changes her mind in a hurry. The poor thing's probably more tired than she is.

Noire grumbles as I walk away from the barracks, but after a moment she seems to decide she doesn't actually give a shit since she's not doing any work. By the time I've wandered over to the Griffon rider she's already dozing off.

The Griffon takes my attention at first, a large, proud creature that immediately fixates its gaze upon me as I approach. The head makes me think of a Golden Eagle, with beautiful russet colored feathers that flow seamlessly into chocolate colored fur.

"Oh, you are beautiful." I whisper in admiration as I stare up at the beast. It seems to understand, because it puffs out its chest and chirps proudly.

"His name is King." A soft, almost melodic voice calls out. "He was a gift from my father." The rider leans past King into view, my first chance to get a proper look at her.

She's a young girl, looking to be roughly twelve years old by her face, though she's clearly no stranger to travel. She's wearing very well worn riding leathers, dyed a deep blue, and has all sorts of pouches and bundles and bags strapped all over her body. The largest of these bundles is a mess of blankets with a sleeping toddler. Her hair is a light brown, tied back in a short ponytail. This hair color catches my attention in particular since it's a mismatch to the toddler's pale blond curls. I put that aside for now though.

"Your dad gave you a Griffon as a gift?" I look down at the kid quizzically. "Seems an odd choice for one so young."

"Well, he was intended to serve as a bodyguard of sorts." The girl shrugs. "He's looked after me for five years now, and my brother since his birth."

"Heck of a guard." I mutter, looking up at King once more, who preens at the compliment. "Man oh man, if I wasn't carrying a teenager right now I would be petting you so much."

"Perhaps next time." The girl gives me an amused smile. "I think for the time being we will need to head into town to find an inn."

"An inn?" I look down at her in disbelief.

"We've been staying in a barn near the border for the last few months, but it's too far to fly back tonight. And King is very tired from the journey here, even if he doesn't like to show it." The Griffon squawks in protest, prompting the girl to start giggling. "Pride comes before the fall, King. And when you fall it's from very high up indeed!"

"Okay, well you won't be needing an inn. Come on, I'll take you to our barracks. Plenty of extra beds."

"I wouldn't want to impose-"

"Kid, you helped save the leader of the country, you've earned free room and board at the very least." I hoist Noire further up on my back and start leading her across the field. "So tell me, what's your name?"

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I should have introduced myself. My name is Dahlia. My brother is Lumír."

"It's nice to meet you. My name is Ben."

"Ah, yes. I heard one of the Pegasus Knights call your name." Dahlia nods to herself. "Miss Phila. She's the one who asked me to help carry Lady Emmeryn here."

"Yeah, been meaning to ask. Why did you end up getting wrapped up in all of this?"

"Well, I don't know all the details, but I guess Lady Emmeryn was fleeing a battle? I was taking my brother for a stroll through the woods when they stumbled across us. And because they had been fighting so much already, and because Griffons are excellent long-distance fliers, Miss Phila asked that I take Lady Emmeryn home."

"Just like that?"

"There were wyverns everywhere. They were desperate. And I had a Griffon that wasn't hurt or tired." Dahlia frowns. "Though I think the Prince helped convince her, too. He thought it was a great idea."

"He would think that, wouldn't he?" I chuckle at that, before trailing off at the still sullen look on the girl's face. "What's the matter, what's wrong?"

"He's too trusting." Dahlia's pace slows, and she looks up to face me. The weight behind the look she gives me takes my breath away for a moment. "Trust is dangerous. It gets good people killed."

"That's… an odd opinion to hear from a kid your age." I reply, trying not to show how uncomfortable I am right now.

"My family trusted somebody once. Now they're dead. And I must care for my brother alone." Her tone of voice still keeps that melodic lilt to it even as she says this, but it feels vastly more disturbing. Then she perks up as though nothing happened, looking to the left. "Oh, you have an excellent stable here! I'll get King settled in."

She runs off towards said stable, leaving me standing in stunned silence in front of the barracks. Huh. Hadn't even realized we'd arrived. After a minute or two I realize she's probably going to be busy for a little while, and make my way inside. When Dahlia finds me in the kitchen later, following the scent of the stew I'm making, she's back to acting like the polite and cheerful girl she was earlier. She thanks me for the meal, grabs herself a bowl, and starts feeding Lumír.

The prospect of a hot meal eventually draws in the other Shepherds present as well, but the dinner remains an unnervingly quiet affair. Mumbled thanks and the sight of the others silently emptying their bowls are about all I get from them.

The only person with even a shred of enthusiasm is Ricken. He's eaten at the barracks before, but apparently now that he's an official member of the Shepherds he's seeing it all in a different light. The long flight clearly took its toll on him, but even if he's not babbling like usual he spins his head around as he eats, trying to take the room in as much as he can. Wait, he has a head injury, that can't be good for him…

I can't really be bothered to babysit the kid though. He'll learn soon enough.

The others head to bed quietly, hardly saying a word. It's a bit worrying, but I suppose it's reasonable, too. They've had a long flight over, a good portion of which was spent being harassed by Wyverns. Can't blame them for feeling wiped out. Dahlia and Lumír practically pass out in their seats, though the girl does manage to eat something herself before doing so. I manage to catch Felicity and a couple of the other maids at the front entrance to help her to a spare room before they go, and set about cleaning the kitchen.

By this point Noire, who I left napping in a seat in the mess hall, wakes up and finishes off the last of the stew while I do the dishes.

"You've got quite an appetite, huh?" I tease the girl as I start scrubbing out the emptied stew pot. "Guess I was right to carry you in."

"Surviving o-on only travelling rations agitates my condition." Noire sulks as she finishes her bowl. "Besides, I-I always liked it when y-you carried me."

"Did I do that sort of thing often?" I look over at her curiously. I don't get many chances to hear about what my future self was like, since the kids are all frustratingly tight-lipped.

"N-not often, no." Noire replies, heading for the sink to finish cleaning up. "But well… when you did, it was comforting."

"That right?"

"The first time you did it, it was because I was hurt. Hurt and… scared. Mom… she was in one of her moods. She'd have them sometimes after… G-grima. I thought… I was going to die. But then you came and carried me out of there. You said you would make everything better."

"…Did I?" One of these days I need to learn to stop asking questions I don't want the answer to.

Noire's face grows tense at that. "N-not everything. You helped me, because I wasn't hurt anymore, and I had you and Severa looking after me. B-but mom, she…" Noire turns back to her washing. "Y-you wanted to h-help her, too. Y-you didn't get a ch-chance, though. Mom died the next day, b-before you could do a-anything."

"…" I glare down at the inside of the stew pot. One of these days I need to fucking learn. "…Well, I'm glad I got there in time for you, at least."

Noire nods shakily, still not turning away from the sink.

"… You need a hug?"

She glues herself to me in response, so fast that it nearly knocks me off my feet. I let out a wheeze of air, but manage to recover enough to hug her back.

"I gotcha, kiddo."


The next day Emmeryn wakes early and gives a proper speech to the people of Ylisstol, calling the people together in the city square. Her heralds are sent far and wide, to alert the whole Halidom of what has happened.

It's a good speech, one that shows the absolute dedication of the woman who speaks it. Emmeryn extols the benefits of peace, and the evils of war. She damns the warmongering actions of both Gangrel and her own father. She makes it clear that she will do whatever it takes to resolve the conflict with as little bloodshed as possible. She tells the people of Ylisse that her first priority is to keep her people safe. The Halidom will not suffer in this war like it did the previous.

As nice as the speech is though, I can't help but feel that something like this would have done more if it only happened yesterday. As it stands, there's already talk amongst the guard about desertion. Not just hypothetical talk either, from what I've heard a couple are actually missing. And even the nicest speeches do little to ease the fears of the citizens. The topic of war is clearly something that weighs heavily on their minds. Which is fair enough, really. Most of the citizens here are old enough to remember the last one.

Hell, if I'd been here my whole life instead of just half a year, I'd remember it myself. And boy is that a weird thought. Like, I can't even think of a war that happened in Canada other than the one where we burned the White House down. And I don't even think Canada was its own country when that happened. Being invaded is a bit of a foreign concept to me.

Talk about First World Problems. Yeesh.

Anyways, Ylisse is all being informed now that war is a thing that's happening now. And nobody's taking it well. It's not quite panic in the streets, but… people are scared.

Hell, maybe I should be, too.

Dahlia leaves immediately after the speech, simply thanking me for the stew and flying away on King's back. Can't say I blame her. She probably doesn't want to stick around here if a war is starting, not with Lumír to care for. I'd like to do more for her, but I can't help but feel this isn't a good place for her, especially since I know an assassination attempt is due in the near future. So I trust in the giant feathery death machine to look after her and see her off, concerned but unsurprised.

What does surprise me is when I enter the barracks again and find Donnel heading out with a bag. "Whoa there, Donny. You good to be walking around? Thought you had an injury."

"Oh! Mister Benjamin, hello. I'm right as rain sir, don't you be worrying none." Donnel hops on one foot as demonstration. "Once Lissa had herself a proper night's sleep she fixed me up good as new."

"Well, that's good to hear." I give him a grin, before turning to glance at his bag. "So what's up, you heading into town?"

"Uhh…" Donnel frowns, suddenly unable to meet my eyes. "Little farther than that, I reckon. I'm going home."

"Home?" I blink in surprise. "You're… what, quitting?"

"Oh! No sir, didn't mean to imply that one bit!" Donnel shakes his head emphatically. "Just, with everything going south with Plegia, I thought… Well you know, I always considered things might start getting really dangerous for me once I joined the Shepherds, but compared to bandits a war is a whole different matter. After all that happened in Ferox I just… I need to go see my mother. I might not get another chance."

I find myself feeling immediately jealous that he has the chance. But that's a shitty thing to hold against a kid so I tamp that down just as quick.

"Right. That makes sense." I step to the side so Donnel can get to the door. "Safe travels Donny. I'll see you later."

"Absolutely! I'll be back before you know it Mister Benjamin." He gives me a bright smile and heads out, leaving me alone. I stare blankly after him, lost in thought.

"…Why are you standing about like a fool?"

I turn back to see Lon'qu, who's stopped on his way to the mess hall.

"Just saw Donnel off. He's going to see his mother before the battling continues."

"Hmm. For the best. Regrets can be a shackle as much as they can be a motivator. One cannot approach a war without a clear head."

"Yeah." I glance back to the door. "Yeah, that sounds about right."

I'm pretty much a mess of regrets though. So how am I going to handle what's coming my way?


In the end I decide to talk to Libra. As solutions go it's rapidly becoming one of my favorites. He's a man of great wisdom, after all; even when he doesn't have an answer for me he tends to recontextualize things in a way that set me on a different direction.

When I tell him this he seems quite happy.

"I'm pleased to hear you hold my advice in such high regard, Ben." Libra smiles warmly as we take our usual place near the back of the church. "Though I must confess, I am feeling no small amount of… trepidation at this."

"Yikes. Are my questions that bad?"

"Not at all. But from my discussions with you so far, and the unfortunate news of this morning, I have something of an inkling as to your troubles."

"Hmm." I frown, thinking of Emmeryn's speech earlier today. "I'd like to hear your thoughts first, if you don't mind."

"Certainly." Libra takes a moment to gather his thoughts before speaking. "If I were to guess I would say it's a matter of timing, first and foremost. You have barely begun on your long road to recovery, and yet you have already heard a call to action. The Shepherds have always been called upon to watch over the people of Ylisse, it is the purpose for which Chrom created the group. And now they shall be forced to defend them from their greatest threat yet. You will be pushed to fight soon; sooner than you realized or prepared for. And the war to come will have no shortage of moments to test your newfound resolve." He looks over at me curiously. "Tell me now, have I got the gist of it?"

I frown. "Well… no. Not at all, actually."

Libra blinks in surprise at the response, then slumps in defeat. "It would seem that you remain a difficult one for me to read. Perhaps I should refrain from making such assumptions and hear your troubles straight from your own mouth from now on."

"Eh." I shrug. "It's not like those aren't valid concerns for me to be considering, it's just… It all falls secondary to the fact that I don't understand what's coming for me."

"Well, certainly nobody can know the future, but that never seemed to be a concern for you in the past…"

"Not what I meant." I shake my head. "I'm trying to say that… I don't really know what war is. I have no real concept of it beyond books. Compared to the people of Ylisse, who have all suffered as a result of the war, my own understanding is… distant? I… feel like there's a better word, but it's not coming to me. Everything I know is all something I've heard from a different person, one who's suffered from war and its effects. War has never had a direct impact on my life."

"It sounds as though this home of yours, Canada was it? It seems as though it's truly blessed by the Gods."

"I've mentioned Canada to you before?" I look over at him in confusion.

"Once. The day we met you spoke of it. You said your family was there. I admit to feeling curious about the name, so I attempted to look it up after our conversation, but I found no records of such a place. It must be very far from here."

"More than you can possibly imagine." I frown. "That's part of why I started thinking about this, honestly. One of the other Shepherds is going to see his family before the fighting starts. And I… can't do that. And I didn't really think about doing it, either. It made it rather clear that I don't know what I'm getting myself into."

"Hmm." Libra thinks on that for a while, before nodding his head. "I could help you with this, Ben. But in this case I feel that such a thing should not be handled by me."

"You're not seriously saying I should go in unprepared, are you?" I scowl.

"Not at all. The questions you ask are ones I feel all the world should hear the answer to. If we did then we would perhaps have fewer wars to begin with. No, I simply feel that I am not the best person to talk to about this. There is one better suited to such a question than myself."

"Okay… who would that be?"


"I must say, it is a pleasure to finally be speaking to you face to face, Ben." Exalt Emmeryn says in that melodic voice of hers. "I must confess that I have had no small amount of curiosity about your situation ever since our first meeting."

I sit in a sort of rooftop garden in the castle, an honest to god greenhouse that Emmeryn seems to have turned into a home for different flowers. She also uses it to take her afternoon tea, apparently. She has a small table set up in the middle of the room, with two surprisingly simple wooden chairs. The sun shines brightly through the glass ceilings and walls, allowing the vivid colors of the different flowers to show their maximum appeal.

Apparently Libra has a lot more clout with the royal family than I knew, because he somehow arranged for me to meet with the Exalt here a mere three days after our discussion. I don't know how he managed it, and I'm not sure I really want to know. That's political influence far beyond what I would expect from such a soft-spoken man.

Still, while Libra now holds a far more intimidating position in my mind, that doesn't change the fact that he has done me a great service. There's potential for a great deal of gain in this conversation.

"It's an honor to hear such a thing from you, Lady Exalt." I nod in return. "I hardly consider myself worthy of such attention."

"Please, just call me Emmeryn. I would rather not weigh our conversation with such formalities. You are a good friend of my brother's after all."

"I… wouldn't object." I nod slowly. "I'll be honest though, that's something I'm likely to struggle with. You have a much more… regal air than your siblings."

"Hmm, do you think so?" Emmeryn looks at me curiously.

"Definitely. A part of that might be first impressions though." I grin. "I met you in a throne room. I met Chrom and Lissa in a pub."

Emmeryn bursts into surprised laughter. "Yes, I can see how that might color your opinion of me. Regardless, I still would much prefer our discussion remain casual while I am in a more private setting. After all, there is nobody here to listen but Phila, and she will not hold judgement against you."

"To an extent!" Phila calls from the doorway where she keeps guard. "Cordelia's told me enough about that foul mouth of yours!"

Really? Cordelia talks about me?

…Okay that thought just now? That was just sad. Moving on!

"I'll behave." I reply.

"You had better!" Phila replies sharply, though something in her tone tells me it's all in jest. I play along, rolling my eyes at Emmeryn, who can't help but chuckle.

"I must say, I do not get nearly enough opportunities to talk to people my own age these days." Emmeryn says with a grin. "It is a refreshing change of pace from my usual conversations with the nobility."

My grin falters at this. "Well, uhh, yeah I can see how that would be tiring…"

"Oh, please do not misunderstand me." Emmeryn becomes more subdued as well. "I am well aware that you have come here with serious worries that you'd like addressed. And I promise I shall do my best to help you." She smiles again and holds up her teacup. "I will not let that stop me from enjoying some pleasant conversation while I have the opportunity though."

"And I certainly won't begrudge you that." I nod back, taking my own cup as well.

Not really a tea drinker… but if the leader of a nation offers you tea then you damn well better drink. I sniff the drink curiously. Smells… fruity. I take a tentative sip. "Wow." I've tasted something like this before. Not the tea leaves, that's unfamiliar, but there's something else there. I think for a moment on that, then take another sip. "Am I tasting… orange?"

"Yes! I'm surprised you know the flavor. Oranges, even in tea, are a luxury item in Ylisse." Emmeryn replies in delighted surprise.

"I'd noticed. I haven't tasted oranges since… I came here." I blink as I realize I'm tearing up, and start wiping at my eyes in irritation. "Aww what the hell? I don't even like orange that much!"

"I'm sorry! I hadn't thought such a thing would be upsetting to you. Perhaps I should have a different flavor brewed?" Emmeryn leans forward anxiously, as though preparing to go brew a pot this very minute.

"No. No, it's fine." I smile in spite of myself. "I've never been a fan of tea, honestly. I think the nostalgia is doing a lot for the flavor."

Emmeryn relaxes a bit in her seat, though she still looks uncertain. "If you're quite sure?"

"Positive." I take another gulp to reassure her. "It's delicious, truly."

"Very well then." Emmeryn sits back in her chair, still looking somewhat put out. "I regret to admit that I hadn't considered the extent of the difficulties you must be facing, living here now. Homesickness is something I know very little of. In these troubled times, very few people find the opportunity for travel."

"Not your fault." I sigh. "This sort of thing just… happens sometimes. And it's often the smaller things that set it off. No helping it. We all have memories of better times we'd like to visit. My past is just… further away than for most people."

"I would be inclined to disagree on that point." Emmeryn says with a sad smile.

"Yeah?"

"The past is as far away for you as it is for myself, or Phila, or anyone else in the world. No matter who you are, or where you have come from, it is always an unreachable thing."

The future children jump to my mind immediately, but I put the sarcastic thought aside and properly consider the intent behind the words instead. "Heh. Yeah, you got me there. Not so alone after all, huh?"

"No one is an island." Emmeryn's smile feels a little more genuine now. "Especially not with the company you keep."

"The Shepherds do seem to abhor isolation, yes." I grin, before memories of the previous few days come to mind. "Though they've rather abandoned that philosophy lately. I can count the number of conversations I've had with any of the Shepherds on one hand."

"I suppose that is not surprising." Emmeryn sighs. "The shadow of war hangs heavy on us all."

"Some more than others." I sigh. A part of me hoped we'd be a bit longer in getting to this discussion.

Emmeryn seems to sense my change in mood and nods along, her way of telling me she's ready to hear me out.

I decide to keep it brief. "I don't know what war is."

Emmeryn blinks in surprise. "Pardon?"

"Okay, I should probably clarify." I back track hastily, "I mean to say that I don't understand war. I have a textbook definition, sure, but I don't… know. I've read about it. I've known veterans of war before, and read their memoirs. I know much of the politics behind this war, but… I haven't suffered from it like your people have. I haven't experienced such a thing. I have no idea what I'm getting into here."

Emmeryn frowns at that. "And so you are speaking to me."

"Well, I'm sure you recall that was Libra's idea. But it seems like a logical choice, really." I shrug my shoulders. "You fight against the concept of war with every fibre of your being. You've seen the suffering it causes and have carried the weight of it. Who better to ask?"

"There are a great many people more qualified to speak on the subject than I am." Emmeryn replies sadly, "I was ten years old when the war ended. Far too young to understand it myself. All I can tell you is what little I saw. The starving people. The broken families. The resentment and hate that has persisted even now. Understand this Ben, for all that I have spoken out against the evils of war I learned more about it in the past week than in all my years as Exalt prior."

"What have you learned, then?"

"The chaos of it. The fear. The horrible anticipation as life as you know it ceases to be. Across my nation my people are suddenly being drafted once more into battle. Fields are being left for children and the elderly to tend to alone. Blacksmiths put aside the tools of farmers and craftsmen and forge spears instead. Already my vision for the future is being replaced. No more do I see prosperity and healing. Instead I am haunted by thoughts of blood and steel and fire. I am forced to recall the mass graves dug in the wake of my father's war, and wonder if such a thing shall be necessary again. I remember the men forced to live the rest of their lives with missing limbs, or eyes; to carry scars that never leave them. I must watch my fellow nobles, as they prepare so callously for this war, with no thought as to how it may be avoided, only how it can be won. I must wait as our new deal with Regna Ferox is put to the test so soon after its creation, and our negotiations drive our country to even more dire straits!" She practically jumps to her feet in front of me with a frantic air, eyes wide with barely suppressed emotion. "Do you see, Ben? We have been at war for little more than a week and already my country suffers!"

"I… think I'm starting to." I gulp nervously.

Silence suddenly stretches between us. I suddenly wonder if I said the wrong thing. Still, this dread I feel as Emmeryn tells me all of this, surely it's related to that same dread that the rest of Ylisse feels!

Emmeryn looks me in the eye and seems to see right through me. "But that's just it," she replies softly, visibly deflating. "You don't understand. How can you? I am in the unique experience of seeing the full scale of the damage this war could cause us, and even I do not truly understand. I… wish I could help you understand. I truly do. It's not right, that you, and so many others, are being drawn into this situation without knowing. But war is something that can't be explained, not truly. Not in a way that can be understood by those who haven't seen it. All I can say about war is that… it is an evil thing. A truly evil thing. And that is why I continue to act in the hope that it might be stopped before all is lost."

But at what cost, Emmeryn? At what cost? I sigh sadly, knowing and now seeing full well just how deep her aversion to war is. Remembering what it will cost her.

"You do not believe in my cause?" Emmeryn asks, misinterpreting my sigh as something born of a lack of hope.

"I… don't know well enough to say." I reply, understanding full well I haven't been given the context to say anything of how I know this war will go. "I've said already that I know little of war. But if there's one thing I do know… it's that violence is a far easier thing to achieve than peace."

It's such an easy thing to respond to act with violence. I know that better than most now. It was pure selfish weakness that put me in my current situation, after all. I have killed because I wasn't strong enough to do otherwise, be it physical strength or mental.

Emmeryn juts her chin at me defiantly. "Perhaps in the short term. But I've seen enough to know that such a path leads only to greater difficulty in the long term. And I think you've seen that as well."

I raise my hand to my head, running my fingers along the scar hidden there. I think back on the mess of twisted flesh beneath my shirt, the sight of the countless scars across my body as clear in my mind as if I was still looking at them in the mirror. "Yeah. I guess I have." I sigh.

"Then you understand that this must be stopped." Emmeryn smiles, looking oddly relieved at my response. "You know that there is nothing to be gained here."

"I… yeah." I look up at her questioningly. "You're going somewhere with this."

"Chrom. I want you to look out for him. Keep him from going astray."

"What?" I blink in surprise. "You think… well, what the heck do you think?"

"I love my brother dearly, and I know him to be a good person." Emmeryn replies. "But he is young still. And reckless. He barely remembers his father, but seeing him when I spoke to Gangrel, seeing the rage that filled him… The similarities were greater than I would like to admit."

"You think he's going to go the way your dad did? Start committing genocide or something?"

"He would never go that far!" Emmeryn protests vehemently, but that defiance doesn't last long before she grows nervous once more. "Still, I can't help but worry. When I think of my father, I often remember the way he'd boast of his achievements in the war as he'd sweep my brother into his arms. A part of me worries that he might remember that on some level. That my father's hate could have influenced him. He was so young at the time…"

"Don't worry." I give her a reassuring smile. "Your brother may have memories of that time, but he has many years more of your influence to recall. He's a good man. The best I know, really. Just because he's still a bit of a hotheaded teenager doesn't mean he's going to lose that."

Emmeryn chuckles, looking much more relieved. "Yes, I suppose he is at that age. You're right. I'm overreacting."

"You're just looking out for your baby brother." I grin. "I've got a younger sister, I know what that's like. Granted, all I really needed to worry about with her was when she started bringing boys and girls home to meet the family."

"Ah, I'm familiar with that feeling as well." Emmeryn replies with a grin. "Though once I met Sumia that ended rather quickly."

"Same for me." I nod along. "I worried at first, but when I found out my sister was dating a girl with a good head on her shoulders I… well honestly I started worrying about the girlfriend instead. My sister can be a handful!"

"As the sister of Chrom, I understand completely." Emmeryn nods sagely.

We share a good laugh at that, Phila even laughing along from the doorway. But just as we're about to return to our tea and steer the conversation back towards more pleasant topics, a noise comes from the hallway. Feet pounding, armor clanking… it's one of the castle guard, who rushes at us so frantically he almost bowls right past Phila… almost.

"My Lady Exalt!" The guard shouts in excitement even as Phila is twisting his arm behind his back. "My Lady, Lord Chrom has returned to Ylisstol! He should be climbing the hill as we speak!"

"I see." Emmeryn nods. "Thank you for telling me, Theo. Let him be Phila, we must be going now."

"As you wish, milady." Phila spins the man about and sends him running back down the hall. "Mind yourself in the future Theo, or I'll be forced to tell Frederick about your conduct!"

"He's very excitable." Emmeryn says fondly as she watches him leave, "But he does mean well. Now then, I suppose that means we should be going."

"I suppose so." I frown at her tone. "I would have thought you'd be more excited about Chrom returning."

"It's wonderful to hear he has returned, but… well perhaps this is another of those things that cannot be truly explained." Emmeryn lets out a long sigh, then composes herself and leaves the room, addressing me one last time as she goes, "I pray we'll have a chance to speak again, Ben. I did quite enjoy talking to you."

"Uhh… yeah. Likewise." I blink uneasily, worried about the mood shift.

"You should come along, Ben." Phila calls from the door. "But be warned. This will be no happy reunion. If you wished to learn of war, then this could be considered your first lesson."


The Shepherds made it out alive. Every single one of them. After the ominous way Phila and Emmeryn were acting I find myself strangely relieved, in spite of believing full well that they'd be fine. Only the most capable fighters were left behind after all; everyone who was injured or unable to fight was sent back early, with a few additions such as Phila or Sumia, who were given a sort of VIP treatment.

That said, despite them all surviving, the mood amongst the group…

It's universally negative, that much is easy to tell. Emotions are a broad spectrum across the group though. Anger in Vaike, Sully, and Chrom. Sadness in Stahl and Kellam. Regret in Robin. Resignation in Frederick.

I stand uneasily behind Emmeryn and Phila, looking out over the group. To my left I can see the other Shepherds doing the same. Nobody here looks to be in good shape. Wounds everywhere, feet dragging from exhaustion, dark circles under the eyes from lack of sleep. They crest the hill one by one, marching slowly towards us.

Behind the Shepherds are the rest of the Pegasus Knights. They were the bulk of the armed force brought on this journey, and therefore faced the worst of the fighting, being the only ones suited to fighting the Plegian Wyvern Riders. When they left Ylisstol they were a hundred strong.

Little more than half of that number remains. And of those that still live to climb the hill, all are too weary to fly, many no longer have a Pegasus to ride, and most of them are being crowded by healers. The church of Naga must have emptied itself of clerics as the procession passed.

As more and more injured knights crest the edge of the hill and appear before the castle, Chrom comes to a stop in front of us. The other Shepherds stop right behind him. There's a brief pause, as everyone stills, with the exception of the healers.

Then my daughter suddenly pushes her way out of the crowd and runs into my arms, upset enough that she doesn't seem to care who notices. Quite frankly, I'm relieved enough to see her in one piece that I don't give a rat's ass who's looking either.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" I hold her close and murmur into her ear.

"I'm okay. I'm okay." She whimpers back. An obvious lie, but one I'll choose to believe for the moment. She's not so oblivious that she'll talk about her troubles here.

From there it's as if a dam breaks. All around me the two groups rush forward to meet each other. The rest of the Shepherds basically collide into one big group hug, with the exception of Chrom, Robin and Frederick. I see Cordelia and the other Pegasus Knights from the initial retreat run to their peers. Emmeryn ignores propriety and rushes forward to hug her brother, Lissa rushing over to join shortly after. Several of the Pegasus knights move to greet friends and significant others amongst the castle guard. Robin moves to address Phila, head hanging low.

In spite of all of this things remain almost eerily quiet, nobody raising their voice above a murmur. The returning group is exhausted, to the point where those of us rested still feel it just by sharing in their presence. We hold those close to us, whisper of our relief, and mutter prayers in thanks for sparing the ones we love.

And then the grieving begins.

It's an equally quiet thing to the greetings at first. A story told in sobbing whispers, and in searching eyes that don't find the person they're looking for. In cries of denial. In shouts of rage. In sobbing apologies. As the realization sets in for more and more people, as the weight of giving tragic news becomes too much to bear, the sound only grows in intensity.

If relief was a whisper, then sorrow is a cacophony.

After a while, Severa separates from me, going to find Noire instead. I approach the others slowly, just managing to catch some of what's being said.

"-just wouldn't stop!" Chrom hisses in fury. "Even after we'd beaten them, they just kept coming! Injured, dying, it didn't matter, they wouldn't stop until every last goddamn one of them was dead! They were more mindless in their rage than the damn Risen, the monsters! Plegian bastards!" Emmeryn immediately begins scolding him for the words, but even I can tell she has trouble putting her heart into it. The devastation weighs as heavily on her as anybody.

After what I've seen today, I'm inclined to believe she feels that weight more than those that remained to fight.

Frederick gives me a tired look from his position at Chrom's side. To my surprise a sad smile appears on his face, if only for a moment. "You look better than before, Ben. I'm glad."

"I feel better." I attempt a half grin of my own, but only manage to look pained instead. "A little bit at least."

"That's good." Frederick sighs. "That's very good. You'll be back to perfect condition in no time, I'm sure."

"I'm glad to hear you say that." I reply, looking out at the mass of people. "Because if you want me to stay home while you all face something like this again? Without me? You're going to have to kill me."

I turn back to him defiantly, and he gives me a sad look in return. "I can't say I'm surprised to hear such from you. No, you will not be left behind again. I fear none of us will know peace for quite some time now."


Real talk: the urge to write 'Let's get cracking' at the end of that first Author's note was off the fucking charts.

I feel like poor Emmeryn doesn't get nearly enough of an opportunity to shine in most stories, so I hope I did her justice here. The pressure of war sits more heavily upon her than any other, and I wanted to show that. Interestingly enough it's a complete divergence from my original plan for her, which was a lot more critical. A part of me is sad I never got to go through with it, because I had a pretty fun speech planned for Ben to give, but I think Emmeryn's speech on the evils of war holds a lot more power than the original plan would have.

I'm aiming to get the next chapter out before the story hits the one year mark next month. Well, ideally it will happen much sooner than that, but my other hobbies and work take up a lot of my time and energy these days. In the meantime, I invite you as always to leave a review. It always brightens my day to see you guys showing appreciation for the story.

Next time: Ben goes shopping! Also chapter 6 happens, I guess.