Apologies for the wait everyone, the holidays were not nearly as conducive to productivity as they were last year.


Chapter 28: The Price of Heroism

Once the fight is over I do whatever I can to slip away. It takes some time, as Frederick, Virion, Chrom, and many of the other Shepherds seem determined to talk. For most of them a few words is enough to pacify them, though I have a proper conversation with Chrom to talk about Gaius. As soon as I've confirmed that the thief's life won't be in danger I disappear. It's a bit of a shitty thing to do, but I have no patience to spare. There's plenty of work to be done still, more than enough to keep the others busy and let me sneak off to the infirmary.

By the time I've arrived Maribelle has moved her temporary station in the Library here, and is managing things as her patients are transported into proper beds. Maribelle holds a lot of clout within the castle as a medic, apparently. Not as much the head physician, but trusted all the same. And her complete lack of tolerance for bullshit means that she's spreading her influence throughout the castle. Every bedroom in the castle is within the scope of her ambitions, and she claims them one by one without mercy.

A fun way to say that there aren't enough beds in the infirmary for all the wounded. Hooray.

Unfortunately, even with all the work she has to do, Maribelle still manages to catch me before I can sneak my way over to Severa's room. "You have some nerve, showing your face around here after all you've done!" She barks at me, cornering me against the wall. "What, have you come to recruit more soldiers from the dying? Not satisfied yet with the fools you've already indoctrinated into your self-destructive ways?"

A part of me wants to snap back at her, but a moment's thought reminds me that she has every right to be upset with me. I essentially spat in her face by going over her head and drafting injured men to fight, even if they never left the room they were treated in. And honestly, even if I did want to pick a fight with her, I really don't have the energy for it anymore. "I just want to see Severa." I reply listlessly. "I need to see Severa."

Maribelle looks like she's ready to tear into me, but after a moment seems to decide that I look miserable enough already. "She can't be seen at the moment." She says with a sigh. "She needed enough internal healing that we were forced to perform surgery. She will be fine!" She exclaims, cutting off my panic before it can properly start. "Ben, my word as a healer, her life is not in danger. But the fact remains that until they are finished you cannot be near her."

"Sanitation." I croak. "I understand."

"You'd be one of the few." Maribelle sighs again. I get the impression it'll be too damn long before she stops doing that. All the fighting I've been doing is nothing compared to the work that her, Lissa, and the other healers have been busy with.

"Put me to work in the meantime." I say, coming to a sudden decision. "I'll stay here and make myself useful until I can see her."

Maribelle blinks in surprise, then gives me a small smile. "I'd appreciate that Ben, thank you."

I spend the next three hours hauling furniture out of rooms to make space for more beds. As soldiers trickle in I start drafting anyone who isn't immediately busy to relay crap all the way to the main hall where it won't be in the way. After a while of this the Church is finally allowed to come in and offer their aid, along with a fuckton of portable cots. It catches me off guard at first, but I'm reminded shortly afterwards that the church is responsible for training most healers in the Halidom.

By the time that work is done I find that Maribelle has already fallen asleep after being relieved by the healers from the church. It ticks me off a bit, but I'm well aware that the poor girl's been kept far too busy already. One of the church members directs me to Severa's room instead, where I grab a seat by the bed and finally get a chance to sit down for a while.

Severa looks… pale, but peaceful. She sleeps soundly, though a quick look at her medical information tells me that the brat was put to sleep with magic for not sitting still. According to the few details I managed to wring out of Maribelle, along with my knowledge from my time in Ferox, surgery is far safer than it is back home (which is saying a lot by the standards of modern medicine). Complications are rare since most of the work is done with healing staves, and as a general rule surgery is only necessary for delicate internal work and for examining what's wrong with a patient to begin with.

The statistics are strangely skewed when it comes to survival rates here. Compared to home, the chances of dying before reaching a medic are disastrously high, but once a patient is seen by a medic their chances of survival are the same as home or even higher. Magic can fix some crazy shit, apparently.

It's not perfect, of course. The nature of healing magic means that few healers know much of anything about sustained care or things such as life support (a problem I suffered from first hand). And of course the fee for a healer's service often costs more than a goddamn house if you don't have a noble footing the bill like the knights and Shepherds do. From what I've heard Emmeryn is pushing for a healthcare plan, but she hasn't gained much traction yet…

I'm getting distracted. I shake my head clear and refocus on my daughter's medical information, doing my best to ignore the way the words seem to blur on the page in front of me. I'm too fucking tired to be trying to parse this shit out right now.

All information points to what Maribelle already told me. She'll be fine. Out of commission for a while, but fine nonetheless. A full recovery.

"God, that was stupid of you." I mutter, looking over to her sleeping face. "And the worst part is I know I can't even get that mad with you. Because I already put you through worse. You came out of your reckless dumbass decision a hell of a lot better than I did."

A light knock on the door disrupts my train of thought. I turn to see Chrom standing in the doorway. "How is she?"

"According to this?" I hold the papers up, "She'll be back to normal in a week or two as long as Lissa or Maribelle keep an eye on her."

"That's good." Chrom shows a relieved smile which quirks a little bit as he steps into the room. "You know, Frederick was furious with you for sneaking off. Also that whole situation with Gaius, though I've mostly sorted that out now."

"Eh, if Frederick has a problem with me he can come tell me himself." I shrug.

"He can't at the moment, actually." Chrom shrugs. I give him a questioning look and he explains, "None of the Shepherds know you're here yet. Cordelia told me I'd probably find you here, but she seems to be keeping quiet on the topic."

"Bless that woman." I grin, falling back into my chair. "Lord knows I don't have the patience for all of this anymore."

"I can relate. It's a wonder I was able to get away at all." Chrom nods, taking a seat next to me and groaning in relief. "Naga, that feels good after this damnable night."

We sit in companionable silence for a while, content to revel in the feeling of just relaxing for a change. After a while though, I feel like I should say something. "For what it's worth, I am sorry for leaving. Well, a little bit at least. I just… had to be here."

"I understand." Chrom nods. "She's your daughter, after all."

I blink in surprise. "Well, not officially. Not yet, at least. I was going to talk to her about it after this mess was over. Was it that obvious?"

"Well, it was either daughter or lover. And I've seen you shrug off my sister's flirting often enough that I feel confident you're not looking for romance at the moment."

"Definitely not." I reply calmly. Wait, did he just say... "Hold on, Lissa was flirting with me? I thought she was just being friendly!"

Chrom stares at me blankly. "Ben, she may be friendly with everyone in the Shepherds, but there's only one man whose lap I've seen her use as a pillow."

Oh fuck me I'm an idiot. "God damn it I didn't know I could be that dense!" I groan slapping a hand to my face. "She's like, a decade younger than me, I've never even thought about her like that!"

Chrom bursts into laughter. "I thought you were ignoring it a bit too easily! Wait until I tell Sumia about this!"

"You've just been gossiping about me this whole time, haven't you?"

"Can you blame us?" Chrom grins.

"…No. No I cannot." I sigh, before giving in and laughing along.

After a while the two of us finally settle down. Chrom looks over at Severa, clearly thinking something over from the look on his face. "So, you're a dad, huh?"

"Yeah." I can't help but grin a bit at that. "I'm a dad."

"Does that make Cordelia the mother?"

"What?" I look back at him, but his face remains neutral. In a way that's even more troubling. It means he isn't teasing me right now. "Chrom, I'm not sure what you've heard, but me and Cordelia aren't that close."

"Oh, I know that." Chrom turns to face me fully. "I was talking more about the future."

I feel my heart stop for a second.

No Ben, don't panic, play it cool! He can't possibly know, right?

"That seems like a bit much!" I chuckle nervously. "We've had, what, five conversations? I think you might be reading too many of Sumia's romance novels, dude."

"Ben." I stare at Chrom blankly as he scrutinizes me. "I had a very interesting conversation with Marth this evening."

Ah, shit. Does she really reveal it this soon in the game? Or is this just my presence sending things off the rails again? I wish I could remember what sort of bullshit is going on here! "What sort of conversation, exactly?"

"She told me that she and her companions are from the future. A future in which my older sister died on this night. A future in which the world falls to ruin, and all of humanity is driven to the brink of extinction."

Okay, he knows. Now what? Do I tell him I know as well? Do I keep him guessing? Can I even trick him? He clearly has suspicions of me at the very least, if he sought me out on my own.

"So you're here under the assumption that Severa is one of these companions."

"It would explain how she and Noire are familiar with Marth's group. And how they became such skilled fighters at their age. It would also explain how they became so familiar with the Shepherds and the barracks so quickly."

"When you put it like that, it does seem somewhat convincing, I'll admit…" I reply uneasily.

"All this time, I thought something was odd about them. And crazy as it sounds, this is the answer that made the most sense to me." Chrom shrugs. "I can't help but believe Marth's words to be true. And out of everyone in the Shepherds, you're the closest to Severa and Noire. If anyone would know about this, I thought it would be you."

"…Yeah." I sigh in defeat. "Yeah, you caught me. I knew that Severa was from the future. Noire too."

"What did they tell you?"

"Not much." I shrug. "And that's probably for the best. With Emmeryn's assassination prevented, none of the information they had will be useful now anyways."

"I suppose so." Chrom replies, eyes burning a hole in the floor. "You know, I was rather furious when I discovered what Severa and Noire had been keeping from us."

"Oh?" I stare at Chrom, feeling my protective instincts stirring at his words.

Chrom glances at me and takes pause, holding up his hands in surrender. "Easy there, Ben. I have no ill-intentions towards them. I was upset to find that they knew this attack was coming, but…" He looks over to Severa, still fast asleep. "How could I hold their silence against them, after seeing what they're willing to suffer through for our sake?"

"I'd just as soon not see her suffer at all." I frown, following his gaze. "I don't want her fighting like this Chrom. Especially not after what happened tonight. She's too young to be so experienced in all of this fighting and killing."

"At least you seem to have prepared her well for it." Chrom smiles half-heartedly. "Between yourself and Cordelia I'm sure she's had excellent teaching."

"You're rather fixated on this Cordelia thing, aren't you?" I frown over at him.

"Sorry!" Chrom chuckles lightly. "It just seems so obvious. She takes after Cordelia a lot; the resemblance is uncanny."

"It's not what you think." I protest. "Cordelia is her mom, but I'm not the father. Not by birth, anyways. Apparently, I adopted Severa after her mother died."

Chrom looks stricken. "I didn't realize. Gods Ben, I'm so sorry!"

"Not your fault." I shrug. "And as far as I'm concerned it doesn't matter. Severa is my kid. That won't change regardless of what happens."

"I see." Chrom replies. "A commendable attitude." He frowns at that. "I don't suppose you know the parentage of any of the other children, do you?"

He probably has his suspicions about Marth. It's only natural he would after seeing her sword and hearing her story. Well sorry Chrom, I'm not letting anything slip about that. Not my secret to tell. Besides, with how Lucina seems to get around me she'd likely gut me for telling him. "Sorry Chrom, I don't even know who Severa's birth father is. And from what little Noire's told me, we haven't even met her mother. The whole topic of parents is... a very loaded subject. For all of them, I'm sure."

"Oh. I see." Chrom frowns, losing himself in thought.

"You okay?"

"Fine, fine. Just…" He shakes his head clear and lets loose a small laugh. "It's nothing. I'm overthinking things. How about you?"

Looks like he's given up on the subject. For now at least. The truth of how he and Lucina are related won't be a secret for much longer at this rate, though. It certainly won't take him another two years to figure it out like it did in the game. I imagine the next time he sees her he'll probably start pushing for details again. Hopefully by making it clear that it's a painful topic I'll at least put it off a little longer. If not though... well there's not much I can do but keep playing dumb.

Chrom gives me an odd look, and I play my moment of thought off as reflection on his question. "I'm about as good as I can be, all things considered." I shrug, gesturing to the bed. "I'll feel a hell of a lot better once she's back on her feet, even if I know she'll be right back to driving me insane with worry when that happens."

"That's good…" Chrom muses. "I was worried you might be… distressed. Often one's first experience with command can be traumatic. Even without family getting involved."

"Oh." I sigh. "I… haven't thought much about how all that went. Preoccupied with this. I guess it does come down to a complete failure on my part though, doesn't it? If I'd done a better job, Severa wouldn't have had to pull that stunt and Panne wouldn't have needed to come to my rescue."

"I can't blame you for seeing it as a failure, but I think you should know that historically speaking battles against enemy spell casters-"

"Frederick gave me the speech." I cut Chrom off firmly. It had been easily the most unpleasant of the conversations I evaded earlier. Frederick had been eager to give me the typical casualty numbers for defended dark mages. Apparently a typical battle results in three times as many deaths. Hearing the numbers from Frederick felt like receiving the statistics for a natural fucking disaster.

I can only imagine he thought it would help to hear our survival rate was so much higher than normal. Maybe he wanted to show that I'd done far better than anyone could expect. Maybe it was just simple praise. Doesn't matter either way. "It doesn't help. You can tell me that I'm in the top percentile for survival rates against dark mages all you want, that doesn't change the fact that it was a fucking slaughter. That was not a victory."

"Maybe not." Chrom replies. "But I can safely say I don't think I could have done much better myself."

"Heard that too." I roll my eyes. "Jeremy wouldn't shut up about it. He seems to think it was all worth it to kill that bigshot Plegian priest."

"Jeremy is…" Chrom winces. "A very opinionated fellow."

"He's also of the opinion that Panne's interference had nothing to do with our victory." I growl. "I heard him babbling away about the strength of the Shepherds after the fight. Tried to pretend she doesn't exist." It was somewhat jarring after all the fighting, finding out the man who helped me lead those soldiers into battle was a racist piece of shit. A part of me still wants to see him as dependable. The rest of me feels dirty for thinking of him in that way.

"There are a great many people who don't take kindly to the thought of owing their lives to a Taguel." Chrom sighs. "It's not right, but we can't exactly force them to change their mind."

"I know." I frown. "I'm hardly a stranger to the concept of racism."

"Then I'm sure you've noticed that such opinions remain commonplace in Ylisse, particularly in the higher ranks of society." Chrom says, face twisting unpleasantly at the thought. "Our country has long been tainted with ideals of elitism, despite my sister's best efforts to drive them out. For all the virtues the Halidom upholds we are not devoid of faults. Not at all."

I can tell from the look on his face that he's torturing himself over it. It doesn't take me long to think about it before I decide to set him straight.

"Chrom, there isn't a country out there that doesn't have its fair share of bullshit. Ylisse has its racism, Ferox has its history of banditry, Plegia has its state religion dedicated to worshipping a harbinger of the apocalypse…" Chrom smirks at the joke, and I count it as a small victory. "My home was no different. When our country was founded we took the people who used to live in that land and forced them to live in tiny areas where we wouldn't have to look at them. Then we formed special schools for their children and abused them until they conformed to our way of life. Many of the atrocities happened well before I was born, but a lot of the oppression lasts to this day."

"Gods…" Chrom looks at me in shock. "You've always spoken so highly of your country, I never would have suspected…"

"I'm hardly a stranger to the concept of nationalism either." I say with a wry grin. "It's human nature to turn away from the aspects of our life that we don't care for. I'm not like Emmeryn, I don't have the strength to carry those burdens with me wherever I go."

"I'm not sure I do either." Chrom says with a grim look on his face. "I… don't know how she does it, Ben. The way she faces the truth without flinching. I know the damage my father dealt to Plegia, I know that in many ways their hatred towards us is justly deserved. But in spite of knowing this, I see King Gangrel embodying that hate, and all I can find to answer it with is my own resentment. They hate us for what my country did, and I hate them for seeking retribution."

"I get it, dude." I shrug. "I'm in the same boat. We both know that Emmeryn's got the right idea, answering hatred with compassion, but that's difficult. It's so goddamn easy to just hurt the person who hurt you. I still fall into that trap."

I lift my shirt up and indicate the scars sprawled across my chest. "I got this because I decided to hurt the people who hurt me. I abandoned reason and became a monster. And I suffered for that choice. And you know something Chrom?"

He stares uneasily at the scars. "What?" He murmurs, face pale.

"I fucked up tonight in spite of that wake-up call." I growl, pulling my shirt back down so he can focus on my words again. "Two fights I was in last night. The first time I barely managed to stop myself from killing out of a misguided sense of pride, and almost paid the price for hesitating. The second fight… I lost my fucking mind. I acted like an animal."

"Because of Severa." Chrom nods solemnly.

"Yes, but that's not really an excuse, is it?" I shrug. "Chrom, I spent months doing everything I could to get past this. To learn from my mistakes and do better. And I failed. And you know what? I'll probably fail next time, too. And the time after that. This is something I'll probably struggle with for the rest of my life. I'm not Emmeryn. I don't have the strength required to do what she does."

"I'm the Prince of the Halidom though." Chrom sighs. "If I want to do right by my sister, to stand at her side and support her, then I have to find that strength."

"Maybe." I nod, thinking hard. "You have a duty to set an example. But… you have an example of your own to follow. And you know what you need to work at. I'm not the best at following this advice myself, but you need to face your own faults, and work to improve them, without wallowing in them. Don't do what I do and get bogged down in your failures. Just… accept them and try again."

"You make it sound easy."

"Do I? Well fuck, my bad, it's not. It's like, the hardest fucking thing." I smirk. "But you're a hell of a lot better off than I was when I started trying to figure shit like this out. The Shepherds make for one hell of a support group."

"… You're right." Chrom nods to himself, and pulls himself to his feet. "With friends like you supporting me I have nothing to fear! Together we'll see Emmeryn safely through this war and finally bring lasting peace to Ylisse."

All the acting skills in the world aren't enough to keep me smiling through a declaration like that. Lucky for me Chrom is too caught up in his own thoughts to notice.

"That's the spirit!" I drawl with enthusiasm I don't quite feel, clapping Chrom on the shoulder and leading him towards the door. "Now come on, let's give my kid a chance to rest."

"Right." Chrom nods. We've barely left the room before an eager grin stretches across his face. "Speaking of rest… You know Ben, I have it on good authority that the royal baths were left untouched during all this commotion."

"Damn, I could use a bath." I look down at my shabby appearance, still coated in sweat and grime from the past hours.

"Come on." Chrom's grin turns mischievous. "I think you've earned the chance to live like royalty for at least an hour. With all that's happened I doubt anyone would notice if I were to sneak you in."

The royal baths. To be used by the ruling family of Ylisse only. I've heard guards tell stories about their splendour. Not even joking, they're just that fancy.

"You know what, why the hell not?" I grin. "Could be my only chance to experience the life of luxury around here."

"Well, you could return Lissa's feelings if you're that interested…"

The scandalized look I give Chrom at that has him laughing loud enough that it wakes Maribelle several rooms away. She wastes no time kicking our sorry asses out of the infirmary.


It occurs to me several hours later that I've completely forgotten to talk to Chrom about what we're actually going to do about the whole 'future kids' situation. He's already returned to the castle to talk things over with Emmeryn and the other noble shits that are flailing around in the castle, so I suppose my chance has already passed. Those baths were distracting as hell, apparently.

I mean, if I wanted to I could probably find him easily enough, but I've already reached the barracks so screw that. I wouldn't go back in that castle today if they paid me… which they technically do.

Part of that pay comes with room and board though, and I need to take advantage of that. By the time I finally make it to bed I can already see the telltale glimpse of dawn beginning to break; the faintest of pale glows on the horizon. Only a matter of time before the sun's up to wake me again, so I head for my room as quickly as possible. If I had the energy for it, I'd be sprinting. As it stands, I manage a hasty stagger down the hallway and collapse into bed fully clothed. Thankfully I'm wearing some of Chrom's spare stuff instead of the filthy crap I wore through that bullshit invasion, so it doesn't pose much of a problem.

Sleep comes swiftly… and ends every bit as swiftly only a few hours later, the sun easily surpassing my bedroom curtains and forcing me awake despite my best efforts. To say I feel miserable is an understatement.

"Weird." I grumble to myself as I drag myself out of bed. "I used to function on hours like this on a daily basis." Apparently my body has become used to getting eight hours of sleep since I came to this world. What a monumental horror my life has become, that my sleeping schedule should grow to be so very strange and unnatural.

I change out of Chrom's spare clothing before heading down, finding my usual stuff to be much more comfortable. Not as tight. Which is frankly unbelievable, but there it is. I've bulked up enough that Chrom's clothes are apparently too tight for me. Most of that is probably due to the height difference (a few inches goes a long way with how well-fitted the upper class folks like their stuff), but it's still a crazy feeling.

When I reach the kitchen it is, to my complete lack of surprise, almost entirely empty, everyone else still sleeping. Only two people are up, Sully and Kellam, both huddled over a kettle by the stove. They leap practically a mile in the air when I walk in, nearly knocking the kettle over before Kellam manages to catch it.

"Easy folks, it's just me!" I hold my hands up peacefully. "Didn't mean to startle you, sorry."

"Damnit Ben, you're going to give me a heart attack!" Sully gasps in shock. "The hell are you doing up so early?"

"Sully, I've been one of the earliest risers since I joined." I grin, walking past and digging a frying pan out of the cupboard. "I may not be as diligent as you or Frederick, but I have years of bad sleeping habits to help me keep up in the morning."

"Well sure, but you were one of the last ones to get to the barracks." Sully stares at me in confusion. "You should be dead on your feet!"

"How'd you know that?"

"Frederick mentioned it to me when he came in." Kellam replies. "I was getting up just as he finally went to bed. They had me sit out of the work last night because of my arm."

I look over in alarm and realize that, yes, Kellam's arm is indeed in a sling at the moment. Apparently even when I can pick him out there are still things about him that escape my notice. "What happened to your arm?"

Sully immediately bristles at the question. "That long-eared bitch-"

"We went over this, Sully." Kellam cuts her off quietly but firmly. "It was an accident. You know this isn't the first time I've been hit by mistake."

"First time you had your arm broken!"

"She didn't mean it, and I'm fine now."

A part of me suddenly feels like I'm intruding, but my curiosity overpowers the feeling. "Okay, what happened exactly?"

"Do you remember Panne? The Taguel woman?" Kellam asks.

"Yeah, the giant rabbit. She saved me and Cordelia last night." I nod. "What about her?"

Sully starts yelling again. "She kicked him in the arm!"

"She barely grazed me." Kellam replies, voice still calm as can be. "She was attacking a Plegian invader that was coming up beside me, but she misjudged her blow. Unfortunately, with her size and strength…" He gestures to his arm and shrugs.

"Damn." I wince in sympathy. "How bad?"

"The sling is just there because we're playing it safe." Kellam replies, placing his hand on Sully's arm before she can get worked up further. "Lady Emmeryn fixed it right away, and she's one of the best healers in Ylisse. We wanted to be careful since the healers have all been so overworked."

"Probably a good idea." I nod along, moving to the icebox and fishing out the eggs. Not a lot here… The castle does have its own hen houses, but the maids haven't had time to visit this morning, for obvious reasons. Plenty of bread though… "How about you, Sully? What's got you up so early?"

"Took a hit to my head last night, so they sent me off early as well." Sully shrugs. "Got a nice scar to show for it." She gestures to a shiny pink line above her brow.

"Not bad." I nod after a moment's appraisal. "Any serious injuries with the others I should know about?"

Sully and Kellam shift uncomfortably at that. Kellam speaks first. "Just Severa and Miriel. The other Shepherds are all fine."

"Well." I reply, trying to direct my attention towards the eggs I'm furiously beating. "I guess it's good to know that nobody else fucked up as badly as I did."

Both Kellam and Sully, being terrible with words at the best of times, fall silent at that. After a while of this I realize I should probably throw them a bone and change the subject. "So what's the kettle for?"

"Shit!" Sully gasps in sudden realization, pulling her kettle from the stove and nearly emptying its contents on the floor. After a moment or two of tentative sniffing she pours a dark liquid into a mug and has Kellam try it.

"Bit overcooked, but it should be fine." Kellam replies thoughtfully. "Could you pass the milk over here, Ben?"

I slide the bottle along and look at the beverage appraisingly. "Is that… coffee?"

"You know of it?" Sully looks at me in surprise.

"It's pretty common back home." I nod, sliding my frying pan onto the now empty stovetop and throwing some butter in.

"Common- what the hell? Do you know how hard this is to come by around here?" Sully asks incredulously.

"Uhh…" I look at her expression. "I'm gonna guess very?"

"It's mostly produced in Plegia." Kellam explains, taking another tentative sip now that he's added some milk to his cup. "So it's rare to find here in Ylisstol at the best of times. Now though…"

"Geez, it must cost a fortune!" I grimace.

"Thank Naga I've made a point of stocking up whenever I find it in the market." Sully nods. "It's good stuff. Gets me through rough mornings like nothing else. Plus, I can't really do anything to ruin it since it already tastes like crap."

"Bet there'll be a high demand after last night." I nod absentmindedly.

"Well tough shit." Sully pulls the kettle further away from me. "It's my personal stash. I don't share."

I stare blankly at her, then look over at Kellam as he sips his cup. "Is that right?"

"Damn straight." Sully nods, before finally noticing where my eyes are pointing. "Whoa hey, the hell is that look for?"

I slowly turn back to Sully and stare blankly at her for a moment. Then start wagging my eyebrows.

"What the hell!?" Sully flails towards me.

"Hit me and you don't get a share of breakfast." I reply coolly. Her fist freezes in place over her head. I grin triumphantly and throw breakfast into the pan, taking my eyes off the two as I focus on my cooking. "So how long have you crazy kids been dating?"

"About a year now, actually." Kellam replies.

"Kellam!" Sully squawks in a panic.

"Honestly Sully, there's no need to panic. Somebody was bound to figure out eventually."

"So you two were dating before I even joined the Shepherds?" I turn back from the stove for a moment to stare at them incredulously. They nod in response and I feel my jaw drop. "I had no idea until just now. God damn Kellam, you really can't do anything without being discreet, huh?"

"We weren't even planning on keeping it a secret, honestly." Sully grumbles. "It just… happened. I'm not good at talking about mushy crap, so I never brought it up. And Kellam is… Kellam."

"Huh." I reply, not sure what else to say. "Well… congratulations, I guess. So, which of you lovebirds wants to taste test this? It's been years since I made French toast so I have no idea if I've done this right."

"Hell yeah, pass it over." Sully grins as I flip the French toast onto a plate and slide it over. I watch in mild trepidation as she takes a bite and chews thoughtfully. For how crappy a cook she is, Sully has no trouble calling other people out on their own culinary shortcomings. If I fucked this up she is going to make sure I hear about it.

"Hmm… Not bad." Sully shrugs. "Bit bland, but the texture is good."

I give a wicked grin in response. "That was just the trial run. Now's the part where we start going wild. Kellam, run to the henhouses and get us some more eggs. Sully, go drag Stahl's ass out of bed. I'm going to have fun with this."


Out of everyone in the Shepherds, there's no denying that Stahl is the best cook. The guy just knows food; he lives for it. But I like to think that I give him a run for his money when it comes to breakfast. My skills in the kitchen are mostly focused on prep work, chopping, peeling, dicing, and so on. But god damn can I cook an egg. I've enjoyed doing so my whole life. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day and all that.

So once Sully manages to coax (more of a drag, really) Stahl down the stairs and into the kitchen, I waste no time putting him to work. And with the Shepherds trailing into the kitchen a few at a time, I have plenty of time to get creative.

I pretty much tear through everything we have in the icebox. Bacon, bell peppers, cheese, tomatoes, mushrooms, and more. It doesn't take long for the kitchen to fill with the sounds and smells of bubbling bacon fat, sizzling vegetables, and diced potatoes frying in oil. And the thing to bring it all together, a sauce Stahl whips up to drizzle over the top, an old family recipe that packs a bit of zest and makes the whole thing just melt in your mouth. A bit like hollandaise, actually.

Something about it all feels much more satisfying than normal. I cook for the Shepherds all the time, but those meals are the sort of things you'd expect when trying to keep a large group fed. Soups, stir fries, the occasional giant meat pie or casserole. It's rare that I can put proper attention into an individual dish. I start taking requests from the shepherds as they file in, and make the dishes to match. Sully wants extra bacon, Ricken wants half of the vegetables gone, Virion wants the sauce on the side, and all get what they ask for.

If I'm being honest, it's pretty wasteful. By all rights we shouldn't be getting so carried away, but I shrug it off as an extra expense for the sake of morale. Everyone had a long damn night, and folks are feeling the pressure after being attacked in their own home like this. I'm much the same, emotions running high enough to keep me wide awake in spite of the exhaustion I feel. This makes for a much more useful outlet than training would. I need a bit less aggression in my life today, thanks.

The others feel much better after a good meal as well, and soon enough the dining room is back to its usual lively self.

"So you said this is called French toast?" Gaius comments, stuffing his face in the corner of the kitchen where the other Shepherds can't give him odd looks.

"Yup." I pile vegetables carefully on top of the next dish and nod to Stahl once I'm satisfied. "Sauce me." I turn to regard Gaius as Stahl moves in with his ladle. "Back home it's actually made more as a sweet dish, but we didn't have the stuff for that here."

Gaius leans in immediately. "How sweet are we talking here?"

"You're up, Anna!" I open the kitchen door and pass the plate along before returning to answer the question. "Pretty sweet, dude. You mix the eggs with cinnamon and vanilla, cover the toast in sliced fruits, and then cover that in syrup and powdered sugar."

Gaius drops his fork and stares blankly at me, making me nervous enough to quickly raise my hands in surrender. "Look, I'll make it again some other time, alright, but again, we don't have the ingredients for it right now."

"I'm holding you to that, Chuckles." Gaius grins as he retrieves his fork and licks the sauce from the handle.

"I… yeah fine. Just don't expect me to make a habit of it." I roll my eyes as I start frying the next dish. "You know, there's more than enough room for you to eat out there."

"Eh… maybe some other time." Gaius pulls a face. "Most of the folks around here I know already are either in the infirmary or not a Shepherd. And the rest…"

"They just need time to get used to you." Stahl says reassuringly.

"Do you know anything about me?" Gaius gives him a skeptical look.

"I know Chrom welcomed you here." Stahl shrugs. "That's good enough for me."

"Huh." Gaius blinks in surprise, then goes back to cleaning his plate. "Well, I'm still going to take it slow. I got more than enough suspicious looks out there for my liking."

"They'll change their minds soon enough." I nod reassuringly. "I'm sure Lissa will drag you around for introductions first chance she gets. I'd do it myself but... well, social butterfly I am not."

"You've been talking to people well enough this morning." Gaius raises an eyebrow.

"This isn't conversation." I gesture to the plate I'm assembling. "This is customer service. This is my work face."

Gaius gives me a confused look, and I open my mouth to elaborate, when the slamming of doors interrupts me. Sumia stands in the doorway, shoulders heaving with exhaustion, before she straightens up and looks at me.

"Ben, you have to come with me, now!" She exclaims in a rush. "It's horrible!"

"What?" I look around to the others in confusion. Stahl looks alarmed. Gaius just shrugs, as lost as I am. "What's going on? More Plegians?"

"No, worse!" Sumia cries out in alarm, before stopping to think and backtracking frantically. "Well, not worse but… oh, just come on already! It's Cordelia!"


Stahl sends us on our way in a hurry, Sumia leading the way across the training yard.

"So, what's going on with Red?" Gaius asks, jogging along behind us.

"What?" Sumia looks back in alarm. "Do I know you?"

"I'm new. Now fess up." Gaius snaps back impatiently. "Red's one of the closest things I've got to a friend around here right now, so if she's in some kind of trouble I want to know about it."

"I think I can guess, actually." I say, looking ahead to the Pegasus Knight's stables, "They're deploying."

Gaius hisses a curse under his breath. I increase my pace, pulling ahead of Sumia, if only by a little. The Pegasus knights notice us coming by this point, and start squawking at each other. Little Lady Genius' friends come to play. Poor Little Lady Genius is too busy working to play hero with her friends.

I slow to a stop and stare them down as they chatter away. Still playing at their idiotic Alpha Bitch routine, even now. It takes force of will to keep the extent of my distaste from showing on my face. A pack of bullies, all desperately trying to drag down the woman who makes them look so pathetic so often. If my suspicions are correct, this will be the last time I see any of them. And as far as I'm concerned, it's no loss. I've hated people like them all my life, and they're among the worst bullies I've ever seen.

I will not mourn for these women once they are dead.

"Cordelia!" I call out, searching for the telltale red of her hair amongst the knights present. "Cordelia, where are you?"

I hear a faint call from the back and start making my way along, past lines of knights atop their Pegasus, all squawking at me as I move along. I find my expression growing stormier as I move along, barely able to hear myself think over the cacophony of voices. They've never been this hostile before. Something's got them more pissy than usual. Not hard to think of why.

God damn, I really got Cordelia in deep shit last night, didn't I?

I find her in the end, at the very back of the line. Under normal circumstances she'd be near the head, as one of Phila's best knights.

She sits tall atop her Pegasus, not a hair out of place, but it's easy enough to see it for the façade it is. It's plain to see from the tightness of her grip on the reigns, the slight strain in her face as she maintains her calm composure, the tiredness of her eyes.

I find myself seething in rage for a moment, until her eyes meet my own and some of that exhaustion she bears fades. She's stronger than them, I remind myself. Stronger than me as well; I know for a fact I'd never last against the sort of peer pressure she's being subjected to right now. She doesn't need me to be angry, that's just another burden. And I've been burden enough already.

"You've been demoted." I say simply, looking back to the distant head of the line. Off to a great start Ben, well done.

"A recent development." Cordelia's smile is a fragile thing.

"It won't last." I shake my head. "You're better than the lot of them by far."

"I'm nothing special." Cordelia shrugs her shoulders, though she seems a bit happier to hear it. Better.

"As somebody who got their ass kicked by you last night, I take offense to that, Red." Gaius chimes in. "But that's hardly important right now. Now fess up, what're they shipping you off for?"

"Border patrol." Cordelia's gaze draws westward. "After the attack last night, there's no time to waste. We need to increase our security, to make sure an assassination attempt like this doesn't happen again. All the Pegasus knights are being deployed, save for a few of Phila's best to guard Emmeryn."

"And because you helped me last night instead of heading up to support the others like you were supposed to, you don't make the cut anymore." I frown. "If I'd known the backlash you'd face would be this bad-"

"Yes, that would be entirely why I didn't tell you." Cordelia shakes her head, smiling softly. "I knew what I was getting into Ben, make no mistake of that. I am not like the Shepherds, with the freedom to act how I see fit in battle. I am a knight. And last night I failed my duties in that regard. I am thankful to Phila that she has allowed me to remain under her command at all."

"Oh, Cordelia…" Sumia practically whimpers as she steps forward to take her friend's hand. I remember the story Chrom told me months ago and grimace. After giving up on her dream of becoming a Pegasus Knight, I can't imagine it's pleasant for Sumia to see her friend almost forced to do the same.

A part of me thinks I should apologize, but I'm smart enough to recognize that doing so would be more of an insult than anything. "Thank you, Cordelia." I say instead, drawing her gaze. "If not for you, myself and many others would be dead last night. Regardless of your duties, you did the right thing."

The eavesdropping knights start squawking at that comment again and I finally lose my temper, whirling to face them and bellowing. "She did more for Ylisse last night than ANY OF YOU."

Sumia claps a hand to her face and groans as the shrieking becomes an absolute cacophony of noise. "Oh Ben, that's really just… not at all helpful right now."

"True though." Gaius grins, jostling me with an elbow as I glare the other knights back into an uneasy silence. "Hell, if not for you, Ben and I probably would have just killed each other the instant we met. And then who would be here to see you off?"

"Well I would still be here, of course." Sumia says proudly. "And Ben would too, because I know Severa would have stepped in and handled you on her own before you got a chance to kill anybody."

"Yeah, that's probably true." Gaius grumbles. "I thought it was a good point."

"Thank you Gaius." Cordelia says, grinning at our antics. "It means a lot that you've all come to see me off. Truly."

"Of course we came!" Sumia says eagerly, squeezing Cordelia's hand. "You're our friend, we had to see you before you left!"

"How long you gonna be at the border, anyways?" I ask, looking to the front and seeing movement. "When are we going to see you again?"

"I… well I'm not sure." Cordelia admits. "I suppose I may be called on to deliver messages back to the capital, but other than that… it will likely be a while."

The first row of Pegasus takes off, and Sumia immediately moves to pull us back from the line as they start to move. Row by row, the Pegasus Knights of Ylisse break into a trot, then a canter, and finally take off, heading westward. Most, if not all of them, will never see their capital again. In spite of the disdain I feel a part of me feels horrified at the thought. I almost want to chase them down, tell them to stop, keep them here where Gangrel's armies can't butcher them all.

But I don't.

I can't afford to risk changing things like that.

Gaius and Sumia start waving as the wave of motion passing through the knights draws near to Cordelia. I force myself to join them. To see her off, even knowing the danger that she'll face.

"Take care!" I call out, forcing a grin onto my face. "Stay safe!"

"You too, Ben!" She calls back with a smile every bit as empty as my own. "I'll miss you, Sumia! Don't get into any more trouble while I'm gone, Gaius!"

"I'll miss you too, Cordelia!"

"Give 'em hell, Red!"

We keep waving until she's in the air, then watch quietly as she flies away. Well, Sumia and I watch, Gaius leaves as soon as Cordelia's off the ground. Neither of us blame the man; he doesn't have the connection to this that Sumia and I do.

"It's not fair!" Sumia grumbles as the Pegasus Knights become gradually smaller. "I can't believe she was punished like that!"

"I should have guessed it would happen." I reply, irritated with myself. "She even told me beforehand that she was breaking orders by helping me. I don't know why I didn't realize sooner."

"And now it could be ages before she comes back." Sumia sighs. "I hope she'll be alright…"

"She's tougher than the both of us put together." I say dismissively. "She'll be back in one piece." Sumia smiles gratefully at the words, seeming to feel much better at the reassurance.

Left unsaid is my belief that she'll be the only one to do so. And that 'back in one piece' doesn't necessarily mean 'she'll be alright'.

I watch the last Pegasus knights disappear on the horizon. With how that formation was arranged, it's safe to say that Cordelia's one of the last to vanish.

There she goes. Off to face the most horrifying moment of her life, without a friend in the world to help her through it.

And I just sat back and let it happen.

The feeling of guilt doesn't bode well. I'll be keeping quiet about this sort of thing a lot more in the near future.


Ben's greatest strengths are music, lying by omission, and cooking eggs. In that order.

If you guessed at Kellam and Sully's relationship before this, congratulations to you! I managed to include a couple of hints that they were close, but a lot of them had to be cut for the sake of brevity. I realise that may seem a bit ridiculous considering the absolutely glacial pace this story is moving at, but believe me, there is a great deal that I've cut for the sake of pacing. Subplots removed, character interactions cut back, stuff like that. Things seem so simple when I plot them out in my head, but fleshing them out in a way that I feel satisfied with seems to swell things to an insane size.

Heaven help me if I ever decide to write an original work.

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