It was the middle of the night, outside it was raining softly and most people in the Swamp were asleep, all except for Frank who was on duty, and the little boy sitting on the floor leaning against his cot. He was dressed in red pajama pants and a white shirt with red stars on it. His hair was sticking up in all sorts of directions and he looked exhausted.
The blue and red hue from the little rocket night light shining over the cross-legged sitting boy with his pillow in his lap and Wally next to him, in his hand he held the small wooden box, which contained pictures of his previous life.
Chris sighed sadly, he woke up earlier because of a nightmare, well not a nightmare, it started nice enough. It was in a sort of living room and it felt familiar, both his parents were there, and they seemed happy. It was a bit hazy and he couldn't see their faces clearly but it felt amazing to be with them, even though it was just a dream. That was of course before it changed.
The sunny environment started to get darker, and a storm had started to brew. He didn't like storms or rain, it just made him uneasy, but that didn't stop him from watching on, wanting to make sure everything would be alright, after all, it was just a dream. The cold winds blew through the house. The wind got stronger and the walls of the house cracked.
His heart was beating fast as he thought about what to do, but then it was gone, he simply woke up. And thankfully it wasn't screaming or crying, but the uneasy feeling lingered and he didn't know what to do with that. He desperately wanted that happy feeling back, so here he was with the box in his hands, and still he wasn't ready to open it. He was scared, scared of the sadness and hurt that came with it.
Chris looked at the box in his shaking hands, the blue and red colors around him helped, it made it seem more unreal. He glanced at his rocket nightlight and felt a bit more at ease. He had gotten the little light shaped in a rocket from his granddad, and he loved it. It was red, and white with blue wings and during difficult nights it was a little beacon, it let him know people cared about him.
He took a shaky breath. He wanted to see their faces again, he should just be brave and do this, he could if he wanted. He lifted the top of the box slowly revealing the contents. The first thing that caught his eye was a picture of them together, and when he saw them standing there, he let out a sob.
They looked so happy and it broke the boy's heart, another sob escaped from him, as he quickly wiped away the starting tears, the darker images appeared again, another sob broke and he tried to block it but they only became worse. He couldn't control his sobs and tears anymore, he buried his face in his pillow as he sobbed.
Hawkeye heard the soft sobbing far away in his mind, he was still asleep but the sound urged him to wake up, he heard it often enough to know he needed to wake up. He groaned and stirred in his sleep as he forced one eye open. He didn't see his son on the cot next to him, his eyes closed again as he drifted a little in his subconscious mind. The sobbing continued and Hawkeye forced both eyes to open and focus on the room. Where Chris was, he heard him and it seemed like the child needed him.
With a loud groan he sat up, he looked around and saw his son huddled on the floor hugging his pillow as he sobbed. The sight of it broke his heart, he couldn't even imagine how hurt he was. He stood up and walked over to him carefully trying not to startle him, he slowly lowered himself down next to his son and pulled him into his arms. He ran his fingers through his son's hair stroking him softly.
Sidney had told him that Chris will have to set his own pace in dealing with his parents' deaths and that he should support that, letting the boy set the pace but he wished it didn't have to happen in the middle of the night after a ten-hour shift of surgery. He didn't mind but he would've liked to sleep a bit longer.
"Come on Kiddo, apparently we are doing this now, " He said gently and soothingly as he got the boy standing. He collected the little box from him, while Chris grabbed him around the waist. He threw the pillow back on the cot and lay down on it, he moved to the side so that Chris could snuggle close, the boy was still sobbing and seemed very distressed.
Hawkeye put his arms around his son and pulled him close, " Hey, hey, It's okay, You don't have to go through with anything if you don't want to, I will always be there for you" he whispered in his ear and ran a hand through his hair. The kid sniffled but did not try to pull away so Hawkeye thought it would be okay to open the box, Chris needed to deal with this. He held up the first picture, it was a wedding picture, they looked so happy together. Hawkeye looked at his sobbing son, the boy didn't say anything, but looked at the picture with big wide eyes, tears streaming down.
He didn't know what to do but he was doing what he thought was right. So he started talking about it, seeing what kind of reaction his son would give, he told Chris his mom looked very pretty and happy, he had the same floppy ears as her. Chris started crying harder as he buried his face against the man, he snuggled close holding on to his dad like he was a lifeline to safety.
The terrible images kept flashing through his mind, and no matter how much he tried to block them, they kept appearing. He couldn't stop crying and couldn't stop the bloody memories flashing through.
He was so tired of fighting it, it never stopped. He just couldn't anymore, he sobbed as he finally stopped trying and let go, the memories started replaying over and over again. He felt his dad's hand brushing over his head and through his hair, and he felt cared for as he listened to the rambling of Hawkeye. Maybe it was okay to let go, he knew he was safe with his dad, and that the memories couldn't kill him but they still hurt.
"It's okay to cry, Kiddo! It's okay to be sad." Hawkeye mumbled as he held Chris close as he looked through the pictures, he kept talking about them, describing them to Chris. There weren't a lot of them but they were very nice, there were a couple of Chris's baby and toddler pictures that he will make copies of for Chris's grandfather. And some with Chris together with his parents, perhaps he should frame it for the boy. It was a pretty picture.
He notices Chris was a bit calmer now, the boy was looking at the picture Hawkeye was holding with big sad eyes. His heart burst with affection for the child. He hated to see his kid so heartbroken, but they couldn't change the past, and this was a very good sign. Chris was looking at the picture without breaking down.
"P-pap-pa?" The boy whispered as he cuddled closer to his dad.
"Yeah? "
"I-I also f-feel guilty," Chris said softly before he let out a big sob, he looked at his dad to the man's reaction.
"That's okay too, it's normal to feel that way," Hawkeye reassured the boy.
"R-r-really?" Chris looked up at his dad with big wide eyes.
"Yeah, of course! You feel like you're replacing your dad with me, but it's not like that."
Chris just looked at him waiting for him to continue.
"It's not replacing. You had no choice." Hawkeye reassured the boy, Chris didn't need to feel guilty, the child wasn't guilty of anything.
"And I know you still love your biological dad even though he's not here. You can love several people at once, that means that you are adding people instead of replacing them, you will always love your biological dad and I hope you will feel the same about me as your new dad. "
Chris nodded, it sounded logical, and it made him feel a lot better. He yawned widely and snuggled closer. His dad knows everything.
They sat like that for several minutes, just talking about it. Well, Hawkeye kept talking, and Chris was falling asleep. Hawkeye didn't even detect himself falling asleep as well, not until the box dropped on the floor which woke the man up. He impatiently but carefully picked the fallen pictures up and put them in the box on the nightstand next to the little rocket lamp before he lay down again. He looked at the peaceful sleeping boy next to him and gave him a quick kiss on his cheek.
The next morning Chris seemed a lot happier, the box was still on the nightstand untouched, so Hawkeye decided not to mention anything. He didn't want to be too pushy, because he knew that it would only hurt him. He was a bit worried the boy would still be upset but Chris was a bit more affectionate this morning and he even seemed giggly and playful, so he must've been doing things right.
During breakfast, Chris helped Francis with his crossword puzzle, and seemed completely happy again. That good mood continued after a very happy Margeret arrived back on the 4077th, the nurse just spent two days in Tokyo for some follow-up reports and seminars. She had told everyone that there was good news but she wanted to tell everyone in person instead of over the phone. She was very excited and kept giggling, as she told the doctors it was too good to be true and led them to her tent.
Frank told them earlier that he thought the good news was his promotion and Chris knew his dad hoped the great news would be the end of the war, and of course, Chris hoped the same, but it scared him at the same time. So he was a bit nervous, but Margeret kept giggling and it was infectious. She led the doctors into her tent and they sat down as she told them very excitedly that she was engaged.
Hawkeye seemed a bit disappointed, while Chris was a bit confused, he read enough fairy tales to understand marriage and he listened to every story BJ told him about his marriage, so he knew about the happy ever after but he never heard about a two-day fairy tale before, doesn't it take longer than that to find your soulmate, as Margaret kept calling her fiance.
He was a bit curious about how stuff like this happened, so Chris started asking about him. What was he like? What kind of food did he like? Favorite color?
Margeret told them all about her Donald, he was tall, strong, and handsome. But she didn't know his favorite color or what he liked to eat.
"What's his favorite superhero? " The boy asked, making Margeret a bit speechless. He wouldn't marry someone without knowing their favorite superheroes first.
"That's an important question before getting married, " Hawkeye said as he gave BJ an amused look. Chris nodded very seriously.
"It is!" BJ said, "Peg and I got lucky." Chris looked at the man with interest so BJ continued. "My favorite is Superman and her's is Clark Kent."
Chris giggled, he liked Clark Kent too, he reminded him a bit of Radar but Clark was prettier. And a lot stronger of course.
Margaret told them not to tell Frank anything, she wanted to do that herself, telling the doctors that Frank would be so thrilled. Hawkeye and BJ shared a look but agreed.
Later it turned out Frank wasn't happy at all with Margaret's engagement and he spent the whole night sobbing. Chris was getting very nervous about it, he had seen everyone cry at least once in this unit but he had never seen Frank cry over anything, and Chris didn't even know why Frank was crying in the first place. His dad explained it like it was something like losing a friend, but Margeret was still here and they could hang out whenever they wanted, so he just didn't understand it.
He tried to cheer the man up, so he headed over with Wally, just so that they could talk, but Frank snapped at him "Get lost!", and to make things worse, his dad got irritated as well and told him to stay in bed.
Chris sighed but obeyed, "I just want to help" he whispered, his dad brushed his hair affectionately, making Chris feel better, he knew his dad loved him. "I know Kiddo, but it's late and there's nothing you can do to help, just go to sleep okay? " Hawkeye whispered back, he sounded half asleep already.
He tried but Frank kept sobbing through the night and it kept the child up, not only because of the sound but because it stressed him out not knowing why the man was so upset.
The next morning Frank became even stranger, he started being nice, which made no sense at all and it was highly out of character. Even Radar seemed shocked that Frank told him that he did a good job.
Frank even offered the clerk a job and invited him to visit after the war. It was a nice gesture but it lost some of its appeal after Frank told him the job was working in a pet morgue.
"Uh, ehm… No thank you, sir. I think death gives me a rash." Radar politely declined, which seemed a good enough reason for Frank.
Later in the Swamp, it was Chris's bedtime and Frank was nowhere to be found, Chris seemed a little upset by that, but Hawkeye insisted the boy went to sleep. "But dad!" Chris whined, he had done his nighttime routine and Hawkeye had him almost under the covers.
"What about Frank? " Chris asked as Hawkeye held the blanket up for the boy to crawl under.
"What about him? "
"He's not here!" Chris said, ignoring the slightly impatient look he received from his dad.
"He's often not here, so why is his being not here now a problem?" The man countered.
"Because he was sad? And acting weird? "
"Chris, Frank is a grownup and he can take care of himself, now lay down. I know you are tired. " Hawkeye said, Chris didn't get that many hours to sleep last night, and the boy was acting cranky all day. He needed the boy in bed.
"But paapaaaa! " Chris whined softly, giving his dad a pleading look.
Hawkeye sighed as he felt his irritation rise, he tried to keep his patience, but couldn't control the stern look he gave the boy.
Chris noticed the man's displeasure as well and he quickly crawled under the cover mumbling that he was sorry. His last encounter with his angry dad was still fresh in his mind, and he didn't want to take any risk of getting the man angry with him again. He let out a small startled squeak as Hawkeye gave his bottom a light tap.
Hawkeye almost chuckled at the dramatics of his kid, but he accepted the child's apologies, he was just very relieved Chris finally laid down.
The boy lay there for hours but he just couldn't sleep, even after Hawkeye went to sleep as well. He just laid there, thinking. He was worried about Frank, something just seemed wrong to him. Chris looked over to his dad, the man seemed to be asleep, or at least close to it.
Maybe he could sneak out today, but today wasn't his normal guarding round. Normally he planned his sneaking out session around the one who stood guard that day, if someone Chris didn't trust, was guarding, he felt unsafe and needed to check for himself.
That also made his sneaking out random and his dad didn't find out about most nights he went out. The last one he got in trouble for was after Colonel Potter was planning to leave and that was also unplanned.
He'd weighed down his options in his mind, he was worried about Frank, but they weren't exactly friends and he also didn't want to take the risk of getting in trouble.
He heard his dad snore softly, and before he knew it he was out of bed, he stood still for a second watching his dad. The man stayed quiet so the child sneaked towards the door.
The moment he reached out toward the door, his dad spoke.
"Christopher, unless you were planning on going to the latrine, I want you back in bed," Hawkeye said softly but clearly, he knew his kid would try something like this, he saw the stubborn expression of his son as he put him to bed, and he knew that look well. And Chris didn't need to find Frank and Margeret somewhere doing what they did.
"B-but... " Chris tried.
"Chris don't make me smack your tushy, because I will," Hawkeye said, his eyes staying closed, but his tone was serious.
Chris sighed defeated and climbed back in bed, he felt terrible, he was worried, tired, and now highly irritated, but he just had to accept this. He let out an angry huff and felt his dad brush affectionately through his hair, making him calm down a little. He loved his dad but sometimes he wished Hawkeye wouldn't watch him all the time.
Hawkeye brushed some hair out of Chris' face with gentle hands. "Do you wanna talk about it?"
Chris shook his head and looked at his hands, they were shaking slightly and he clenched them into fists before releasing them.
The rest of the night Chris tried to sleep but he woke up every hour or two. His brain didn't stop racing with questions; he didn't know what to do anymore. He looked over at his father who slept soundly next to him. Chris knew he was supposed to sleep, but how could he sleep when his heart ached for someone? When his eyes finally closed, it was only to be opened again at six in the morning.
He groaned and pulled himself into a sitting position, rubbing at his eyes. It took a lot of effort for Chris to stay awake, he felt terrible and already irritated. Frank was still gone, and he wanted to go look for him, but his dad seemed to be waking up soon as well. Chris knew he would not be able to go alone.
"Chris... you okay?"
Chris jumped, not expecting his dad to speak to him so early in the morning.
"I'm fine dad."
Hawkeye rolled his eyes, his kid was definitely not fine. And looking at the stubborn expression he knew it was going to be a long day.
Hawkeye sighed and got up, no point in trying to sleep, even BJ seemed wide awake already. Hawkeye was just putting on his shoes as a frantic Radar rushed inside, telling the doctors they better come and see this. They ran after the clerk only to find Frank holding a Korean family hostage. He was pointing his gun and even the ox was a suspect. He looked like a crazy person, eyes wide open, war stripes on his face and everything.
Chris stayed safely behind his dad, Frank didn't look good at the moment and he was very grateful the Colonel showed up to take matters into his hands.
"Major burns presenting prisoners of war to be interrogated, sir! " Frank said loudly. He then told the colonel this family are guerrillas disguised as a Korean family.
Hawkeye sighed and he and BJ headed over to check the people out.
"Midgets right?" BJ asked Frank sarcastically as he checked the two kids over.
"Right!" Frank said.
"And the ox is a radio. "Hawkeye added. Frank looked a bit confused at that, he didn't even think about that being a possibility, but Hawkeye made a good point.
Colonel Potter saw Frank's mind starting to work and quickly ordered to have the family fed and looked over before he told Frank and the two doctors to meet him in his office. This needed to stop.
In the office Frank was pacing and rambling wildly, they tried to calm him down but the man was too worked up at this point to listen. They did their best to try and help Franks understand what was wrong with him, telling him everyone had been through a breakup, and he just needed to forget about her.
BJ tried to convince him to go to bed, as Frank hadn't slept in 48 hours.
Chris stayed close to his dad, standing behind the man. Frank looked like a wild animal right now, and he wanted his dad as a shield. He wasn't scared, as Potter, BJ and his dad are with him, but this was making him nervous.
Frank didn't seem to hear them, he kept going on about how he should stay alert and ready, he was pacing around with his gun ready and a wild look in his eyes.
"Major, pull in your reins." The Colonel said. "You're heading towards a section 8."
Frank turned towards them with a slightly crazy expression and pointed his rifle toward the group, as he yelled back loudly, "Section 8!"
The doctors jumped up and Hawkeye shielded his son by standing in front of him as BJ tried to calm the man, telling him to put the rifle down.
"Don't come any closer!!" the man yelled as he held the people at bay with his rifle.
"Frank put the gun down!" Potter tried, but Frank didn't want to listen; he looked like he was ready to shoot.
Chris tried to move toward the crazy man, but Hawkeye held him back, his kid had the survival instinct of a Dodo, and he didn't like it at all.
Thankfully Radar emerged from the door, telling Frank he had a phone call.
Frank looked at the clerk, "who would call me? " he asked.
"I don't know, sir. But they said it was urgent. " Radar explained.
Frank looked at the people he held hostage, thinking about what he should do.
Ohh I will take that sir, I will keep an eye on them. The clerk said as he slowly took the rifle from the crazy sleep-deprived doctor.
Frank nodded and petted the clerk on his shoulder before he left to answer the phone.
Radar let out a relieved sigh and slumped against the wall.
They heard Frank talk to the phone, "Mommy who? Ohh, my mommy?! Hi mom! "
He sounded a lot better already, well not better but more at ease. As the conversation continued Frank started explaining everything to his mother, he told her he had a friend who just pretended to be his friend, just like his dad used to do. He slowly started to cry a little.
Chris hugged his dad tighter, he felt for the man, he still didn't understand clearly why Margeret didn't want to be friends anymore but he understood how that must feel like. And it was just very mean, if Radar would do something like that to him, he would be heartbroken.
"That phone call couldn't have come at a better time, Radar. " The Colonel said.
"Yeah, great job Radar," Hawkeye said as he pats the late teen on his shoulder.
Radar shrugged and smiled, happy for the recognition, and said.
"Sometimes a guy just needs to talk to his mother. "
Frank continued but slowly started to fall asleep.
"You're right mom! Why do I care? I can always find a new friend, there's a kid here who keeps bugging me to play with him, maybe I will next time. " He said before yawning widely.
" Yeah, I'm kinda sleepy," the man said as the phone slowly slipped out of his hand and his eyes started to close.
"Nighty-night" the doctor mumbled as the phone fell on the floor and he slumped forwards and fell asleep completely.
The rest seemed very relieved that Frank was finally asleep.
BJ and Hawkeye slowly lifted the man out of the chair he fell asleep in, "Come on, Frankie. Time for beddy-bye! " Hawkeye said. Frank mumbled something in his sleep but didn't wake up.
Chris stayed at a safe distance but close enough to his dad, he was curious about why adults refused to cry, it clearly helped. Why didn't Frank call his mother sooner? He looked at Hawkeye who with BJ had Frank lifted, and together they started carrying him towards the Swamp. Chris was very grateful for Hawkeye, he understood now how lucky he was to have met the man, and to have a dad who understood how important it was to cry sometimes.
Chris always cried a lot and he felt terrible every time someone told him crying was for babies. Well, Frank was the one saying that the most, but other people also weren't happy if he cried. They all seemed to disapprove of it. But his dad never did, he always helped, and he loved the man for that.
"Frankie, if you're a good boy, mom will read you another chapter about Eeyore and Piglet. " Hawkeye said he was relieved the man was asleep, they weren't friends but it was hard to watch, and he felt bad for him.
"And Tigger?" Frank mumbled, making Chris giggle.
"Yeah, Tigger and Pooh, all your favorites. " Hawkeye said as he chuckled to himself.
They dropped Frank on his cot and happily sat down, as Chris prepared them a drink.
Chris handed the doctors their drinks and put his arms around his dad's neck and buried his face against the man. He didn't have a mother to talk to but Hawkeye was just as good, and maybe even better.
