I'm back. Not gonna lie to you fine people, this chapter fought me. That might seem obvious to you all, since this is the longest I've gone since first publishing this story. Just over two months. Not great. I'm feeling pretty great about how this one turned out though, and it's officially the new record holder for longest chapter. So I hope you consider this worth the wait!


Chapter 43: Choices

It turns out that helping to kill the despotic king of an enemy nation doesn't leave one with a lot of energy to spare. So rather than moving to rejoin the rest of the army, I make the executive decision to sit back and catch my damn breath.

Of course, the immediate vicinity is filled with bodies, most of which I dismembered. So I make a point of moving a good distance away. I'm not feeling inclined to test my newfound resistance to trauma. It takes a little while before I'm at a comfortable distance, even with Owain moving in to help.

"You seem alright now," I comment as the kid helps me settle in next to the shade of a large tree on the edge of the woods, "Gangrel's lightning wearing off already?"

"My body has fully recovered!" Owain proclaims triumphantly. "There is no evil strong enough to quell the scion of legend for long! My strength is infinite!"

"Bold claim." I note with amusement, "Then again, after seeing you fall from the sky like you did, I suppose I can't really doubt it. It's a wonder you didn't break every bone in your body."

"Not every bone," Owain scoffs, "It was mostly just the left side."

"What." I blink, looking up uncertainly. I must have misheard him, right?

"One break in my upper arm, two in my forearm, three broken ribs, and a fractured collarbone." Owain lists off proudly, "My landings have improved greatly with age! I expect once I reach my prime that I'll be able to manage-"

"What the fuck!?" I attempt to scramble to my feet, intent on checking the poor kid over. My legs take issue with this though, spasming and collapsing the instant I put weight on them. I don't let that dissuade me, continuing to shout even as I struggle not to fall over sideways, "You've been fighting all this time with three broken ribs, are you insane!?"

"Uncle! Uncle, I am fine!" Owain waves his hands placatingly, looking rather alarmed. "Please, do not stress yourself, you've been through much and your body doesn't recover as mine does!"

"Stress? Damn right I'm stressed, I should have realized you couldn't have fallen like that with… without…" I pause, processing his words. "Recover?"

"Well yes, I-" Owain pauses, then looks down in sudden understanding, "Of course, in the heat of things I had forgotten about the gaps in your knowledge! You've never been told of my power!"

"What power?" I ask, still assessing him for signs of injury.

"The holy light of Naga that runs through my veins!" Owain proclaims, striking a triumphant pose. "The blessing of renewal, inherited from my mother the Exalt, said by many to be the greatest of Naga's gifts to mankind!"

Renewal. Another skill from the game. Which means… "You have a healing factor?"

"I have a healing factor!" Owain nods excitedly.

A healing factor that let him heal from all those broken bones to the point where I couldn't tell he'd injured himself. He was hidden in that smoke for no more than ten seconds, and that was long enough to recover enough for another fight. This is… this is Wolverine levels of regeneration here! I can't help but stare slack jawed as the extent of his power sinks in, saying in quiet awe, "That is so fucking busted."

"Your older self said much the same. On many occasions!" Owain says, swelling with pride. "With this power, plus my mighty blade Missiletainn, I am-" He stops suddenly, looking around in alarm. "Hold a moment. Uncle, where has your weapon gone?"

"Gone? Nowhere." I shrug, holding up a trembling hand. "It's exactly where I left it. Hands aren't exactly cooperative at the moment. Figured I'd wait to pick it up once my fingers could be trusted to actually keep a grip on the damn thing."

"What!?" Owain gasps in horror, running back towards Gangrel's body. "That weapon is an antique! You can't just leave it in the grass, it's so undignified!"

"Tell that to my literally fried nerves." I reply with a roll of my eyes. "It's just a weapon Owain. A very good weapon, but I'm still not going to risk fucking up my hand even worse by trying to lug that much weight around."

"This is not just a weapon, Uncle Ben!" Owain protests emphatically, stumbling his way back with the axe in hand. "This is Armads, one of the legendary weapons of the Saga of the Blazing Blade! It is said that it was wielded by the mighty Lord Hector of the mythical Kingdom of Ostia!"

"Hector?" I look up in interest, "Always liked that guy. This was his axe? I thought that was Wolf Beil."

"Wolf Beil was the axe he used normally, and Armads was the axe he used when battling the Dark Mage Nergal." Owain recites easily. "Legend says he returned it to its resting place when that battle was done."

"And then it ended up here. From all the way over in some mythical kingdom. You sure this isn't a prop or something?" I joke, looking the axe over curiously.

"This is no prop!" Owain protests, looking thoroughly scandalized, "It's a legendary weapon from a kingdom lost to myth! It even has a blessing of protection on it, surely you must have noticed when fighting earlier."

"Sure didn't protect me from lightning," I note my still trembling hands.

"Well no, it doesn't protect from magic." Owain says, looking somewhat abashed. "But… it is said to protect the wielder from weapons."

"They… didn't really get a chance to hit me." I note, thinking back on the fight. Guess I can't verify the axe's power then. And hopefully won't have to for a long time to come. Current plan is to just wait here until I can't hear anymore fighting, and hope that the next people I see coming over that hill between me and the battle are riding horses.

I'm ready to be done with fighting for a while now. Looking forward to the peacetime coming up now that the war is wrapping up. I want to see my kids again.

Speaking of which, "Hey Owain, where did Diana fly off to?"

"Oh!" Owain jumps, looking suddenly nervous. "That's right, I should- hold on, let me call her." He jogs away from the trees and whistles sharply. There's a minute or two spent in silence, save for the muted sounds of battle from across the hill, as Owain peers into the distance. Then he turns to me and calls out, "She's almost here, just flying over the ridge." He waves eagerly, staring up over the treeline as I hear King call out a shrill greeting.

King has barely touched the ground before Diana is throwing herself towards me, nearly tumbling from the haste of her dismount. She crashes into me at top speed, and I have to suppress a wince as the back of my head cracks against the tree. My lungs empty in a single big gasp of air, and I have to fight not to cry out in pain. For somebody who seems to shy away from physical contact normally, when she hugs she goes all out.

"I thought you were going to die." Diana whispers, clinging to me with a desperate sort of relief.

A part of me wants to deny the danger I was in. Put on a brave face for her. But the other part knows better. She knows all too well the reality of war. All the kids do.

"It was pretty scary for a minute there." I say instead, "But you saved the day. Both of you." I look up to Owain, standing awkwardly to the side. "You both saved my life. Thank you. I couldn't be more proud of the two of you."

Owain brightens a bit at that, though he remains silent. Doesn't seem to want to intrude on the moment. So I focus my attention on Diana instead, holding her close and lightly ruffling her hair.

Of course since I'm still a bit electrically charged at the moment, my touch sets her hair standing on end. So before long the hug starts to look a bit ridiculous. I chuckle at the sight of her hair floating around, and she moves to see what I find so funny. Which proves enough to trigger a loud pop of static electricity that sends her scrambling away with a startled yelp.

"You alright?" I ask, "That didn't hurt you, did it?"

"Not really." She replies, blinking in confusion. "Just surprised me."

"Yeah, probably should have seen that coming." I chuckle, "I might have been a bit… electrocuted just now." I pause, looking down at my arm. Most of the damage is healed, but there's still a telltale pattern of scars running along my hand and forearm. "Okay, a lot electrocuted. Still feeling a bit tingly."

Well, at the very least I can say this is probably the coolest scar I've been given. A big pink pattern like tree branches running along my arm. A thicker line across the palm of my hand forms the trunk of the tree, and as if to complete the metaphor my fingers are covered with roots. It's a hell of a lot more interesting than all the surgical scars, that's for sure.

"I think we'd better get you to a healer." Diana says, looking me over critically. "I can't do anything for electrocution. Not without a staff. And I don't know how to use one yet."

"Such a shame Brady isn't here!" Owain says mournfully.

"Or Severa." I mutter, trying once more to get to my feet. "She's got that sheath of hers, right?"

"Oh no, she only knows the Ward spell." Owain replies. "Healing spells require much more training to use."

"Huh." I reply eloquently, focusing hard on standing without falling over. My legs are still wobbling, even with the tree supporting much of my weight. "Shame. Would have liked a chance to see her. Where is she, anyways?"

"I'm afraid we were forced to leave her in Auream Dominus." Owain says. "King could only travel with two people, and she wasn't really fit for battle."

"What!? Why? What happened?" I look up in alarm.

"She's fine." Diana rolls her eyes. "She sprained her ankle a while back, and refused to keep off it. Being stubborn."

"It's not entirely her fault though." Owain says defensively, "She pushed herself too hard perhaps, but it was for Morgan's sake!"

"Morgan?" I blink in surprise, looking to Diana, "Just how many time travellers did you two find on this mission of yours?"

Owain and Diana give each other a strange look at that, before Diana looks back to me. "Just the two."

…I feel like I just missed something important. More future secrets, maybe? I'm starting to notice a worrying number of those, but it's hardly an easy subject to approach. For all the traumatic shit I've been through since being dumped into this world, they've been through worse. These kids watched the destruction of their… everything. For all the ways they act like kids, they have personal demons that I can only speculate at. Things they keep hidden away so thoroughly that I don't dare touch them. Like an iceberg, their problems run far deeper than it might first appear. That little incident just now with Owain and that shovel is a prime example.

And before I can take the time necessary to consider my approach to this, the moment has passed. Owain and Diana are already helping me into King's saddle.

"Wait." I say suddenly, as King gets to his feet. For a moment I consider just trying to push them for info, but… no. Not without knowing what I'm actually pushing at. "We should bring Gangrel's sword. It'll be that much easier to stop this war if we have proof their King is dead."

"Of course!" Owain cries out eagerly, "I shall fetch it now, swift as the thunderbolts the blade summons!"

"Too fast for my liking then." I joke drily, flexing my newly scarred hand. "You just killed an evil king Owain, you can take it a little easy. You've earned it."

Owain chuckles a bit at that, but rushes off all the same. Diana sighs as she watches him go, "I'm not sure that boy knows how to take it easy."

"Current experience points to no." I reply, turning away from him to face my daughter. "Are you alright? I saw Gangrel fire at you, but I couldn't tell how close it was."

King clacks his beak irritably at me, and Diana titters with laughter, "Now King, that doesn't mean there's any doubt in your skill. Ben's just worried." She looks up at me and smiles reassuringly. "Not so much as a singed feather."

"That's good." I say, smiling in spite of the slight sense of disappointment. Back to Ben, are we? I'm starting to think that I'll be needing to treasure every rare moment this girl actually calls me Dad. Though that may be presumptuous of me. Hopefully I'll have time to close that gap between us.

If not though, I can't hold it against her. I want to be there for her, but there's no denying that I'm not the man who raised her. Even if the DNA is a match. She has twelve years of a life with her father, and I don't share in that experience. Her father shares my name, shares in more than two decades of my life, but he is still a different man.

I wonder what that man would think of the person I've become since coming here...

"Horses." Diana says suddenly, cutting off my line of thought. I look down to her and see that she's pointing ahead, to the hilltop. I follow her line of sight to see half a dozen Ylissean cavalry riding towards us.

"General! We have come to offer our assistance!" The woman at the head of the formation calls out sharply.

I can only sigh internally at the sight of these people. I suppose that's as much of a breather as I'm getting for now.


True to my fears, upon returning to the others I see that Stahl will need help in organizing matters with the worn down cavalry. Frederick's once proud cavalry has been torn apart, cut down by Sully's initial failed charge and the chaotic disaster of a battle that took place after Frederick's injury. Only a third remain in condition to ride. The rest are dead, injured, or without a mount. And the rate of recovery is slow, as they only have six riders with troubadour training and at least one of those looks to be injured themselves. I shudder to think what sort of state they'd be in if Stahl hadn't managed to rally them.

First order of business becomes clear as I ride up to Stahl and Sully. They need to be separated. Because Stahl is pissed. And Sully is indignant. Stahl isn't pleased about all the losses they've suffered, and seems to be blaming Sully for leading so many to ruin. Not entirely unfairly, in my opinion. It's the sloppiest I've ever seen Sully act. Her usual discipline couldn't hold up with King Gangrel right in front of her, I suppose.

Still, having the two highest ranked members of the cavalry a few short steps from tearing each other's throats out is a recipe for disaster. They're keeping quiet for now, but there's a tension between the two that looks ready to snap, and there isn't a person present who can't tell. "Owain, wrap up that sword." I say quietly, before calling out to my fellow Shepherds. "Stahl, Sully! Good to see you two alive!"

"Ben!" Stahl and Sully jump in surprise, spinning to face me. Then without a moment's hesitation the two rush forward, anger momentarily forgotten.

"When I realized Gangrel had slipped away and saw that you were missing I feared the worst!"

"You crazy bastard! I'm really starting to wonder what it's gonna take to kill you!"

"In my experience…" I muse, "Approximately thirty extra seconds without interruption. If these two hadn't shown up to save my sorry ass we wouldn't be talking right now."

"You're that delivery girl…?" Stahl looks at Diana in confusion, "Oh wait, I remember now. You're Severa's younger sister, right?" He turns to Owain next, "So that makes you… another of her mercenary friends?"

"I am no mercenary!" Owain protests, "I am Owain Dark, scion of legend, hero to all in need! Er, but our parents did work together, yes." He hastily amends at the look I give him.

"He arrived just in time to rescue me from several members of Gangrel's guard." I explain, "And struck the blow which killed the King himself."

A hush falls over everyone nearby at that. Stahl looks up at me in disbelief. Sully stammers in shock, "You serious? That mad bastard is dead?"

"I wouldn't be here talking to you if he wasn't." I reply coolly, "Which brings me-"

My next words are cut off abruptly by the triumphant roaring of the Ylissean cavalry. Right, should have expected that. I'm forced to wait patiently as the soldiers converge on Owain and me, a chaotic mess of relieved and victorious soldiers. I let it go on for a little while, but after they've had their moment, I lean down to talk to King. "Would you mind?"

King obliges immediately, shrieking loudly enough to drown out the revelry and shock everyone into silence. "Thank you kindly." I grin, giving the griffon an affectionate scratch on the neck before looking back to Sully. "Right then, Sully. You're the fastest rider here, yeah?"

"Damn straight."

"Cool, then you've got the job of delivering this to Robin." I gesture to Owain, and he runs forward, to hand over the Levin Sword. "Faster you deliver it, the faster this war can end. And the rest of you! Get back to work! I'm as glad as you are to see that bastard dead, but the war's not over and we still have wounded to tend to! Speaking of which, I need a healer over here as soon as one is available. I have nerve damage!"

By the time I've finished speaking everyone is back to rushing around and Sully is already riding away. Stahl looks up at me worriedly. "It'll be a while before our healers are available. We only have two with the skill to work on nerve damage and they'll be busy with Frederick for a long time yet. You'll have better luck flying north."

"Shit." I grimace, turning to Diana. "Think you can get me there in one piece?"

Diana gives me an indignant look at the question.

I turn to Stahl. "Okay, we're flying north. Can you handle things here?"

"I'll manage." Stahl replies. "It'll be a miracle if I can provide reinforcements after all of this though."

"We'll just have to hope seeing their King's magic sword in enemy hands is enough of a morale killer to end this damn fight then." I sigh, sliding back in the saddle so that Diana can climb up and take the reins. "Good luck to you. I'll leave Owain to help out. I'm sure the hero to all in need here has no problem with whatever manual labour you need."

"None whatsoever!" Owain replies eagerly. "Your every requirement shall be met with the greatest of ease, Sir Stahl!"

"Good man." I grin approvingly. "Right, let's go Diana. Not too fast though. Not sure how tightly I can hold on at the moment."


One nice thing I've discovered about being badly electrocuted: you don't have to deal with all the logistics of drawing an end to the war. When Diana flew me to where our healers were stationed Lissa took one look at my arm and decreed me confined to the tent. Nerve damage is a tricky thing to cure in general, and Lissa doesn't seem to trust in my new-found power to heal myself. I don't get to leave the medical tent until she's completely certain that my arm healed properly.

That said, my injuries are debilitating, but by no means life-threatening, so as soon as they determined my pulse was normal I was stuck in a cot and left to wait. I felt bad for taking up a cot, but apparently they have to give me one due to some bullshit regulation relating to my position. I tried to reason with them. Pointed out that most of the top military folks in our army were Feroxi and didn't give a shit. But it didn't work. I think it's mostly that Lissa wanted to keep an eye on me. Make sure I don't get myself nearly killed again.

So with nothing to do, and Diana leaving to help the healers, I decide to give in to my sense of exhaustion. Rest my eyes for a while.

It feels like I've been asleep for maybe a minute when somebody's moving the flap to my little corner of the tent. I look up, see somebody standing there. My glasses are on the table next to me, so I can't make out any details…

Still, that hair is rather hard to mistake. "…Cordelia?"

She shifts uneasily, still standing at the entrance, "You're awake."

"Yeah." I reply, trying to sit up. It proves a challenge with my arms still feeling a bit noodley. "You… came to check on me?"

There's a long pause. I take the time to prop myself enough to reach for my glasses, but once I have them in hand I do nothing, letting them sit idle in my lap. Still too scared to look her in the eye, I guess.

My heart is hammering in my chest by the time she finally answers me. "I did," She says quietly. I look up at her at that, wondering if that's all she has to say. As the tent falls into silence once more I'm forced to conclude that it is.

"Well." I say haltingly. "Thanks for that. You didn't have to."

"They didn't say what kind of state you were in." She explains. "I thought you might have been…" And once more she falls into silence. She clearly wasn't ready to talk to me again. Probably would have been better for both of us if I hadn't woken up.

"I… It was close. Closer than you'd think, by just looking at me. I came seconds from death more than once. And…" I stare at the fresh scars on my arm. Hide them again when I realize Cordelia is also staring. "I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?"

Damned if that isn't a loaded question. My first thought is that I'm sorry she has to see my ugly fucking scars again, but that's me projecting again, and would be pretty horribly insulting to her for a number of reasons. So I keep that thought to myself and put some thought into answering her properly. "More than I could possibly count." I reply, thinking hard, "But most of all, I think… That night we spoke in that little Plegian town, you told me you were in awe of me. That you thought I was strong, and determined, and caring. And that… it meant a lot to me. It felt as if you were seeing something in me, something great. Something I've never been able to see for myself. And I wanted to be that person for you. But I couldn't. I couldn't be that person. And I'm sorry for letting you down."

"Ben. Look at me."

I lift my eyes to stare at her blurred form, and she shakes her head. "No. Put your damn glasses on and look at me."

I raise my glasses to my face. The crack is still there, so my vision is still off. But it gives me enough clarity that I can see her glaring at me, intensely enough that I have to fight the immediate urge to look away. "Let's get one thing clear here, Ben. You didn't let me down because you couldn't be that person. You let me down because you could have been. You could have been, and you chose this instead."

I feel as though the Levin Sword has struck me once more. My breath leaves me, and my heart roars in my chest. Her words hurt me far deeper than the magic that struck me today, unbearably potent in their undeniable truth. And when she leaves the room without another word, her absence screams to me of my failure.

Over the next several hours many others come to visit me. Chrom, Robin, Gaius, Virion, and more. They speak to me of the triumph of this day. They tell me how happy they are to see me safe after what happened. How impressed they are, and how grateful for what I did today. And I smile, and I nod, and I laugh with them.

And beneath the surface, I know better.


The trip back to Auream Dominus is spent largely in silence. When the others ask I simply tell them my silence is due to exhaustion. It works, for the most part. I haven't been asked to recount everything that happened yet, but what little everyone has pieced together is enough for them to respect my desire for space.

There's a few people who keep giving me suspicious looks though. Diana first and foremost. I don't want her to worry, but telling her what's wrong would be… I dunno. Inappropriate, probably. The kids all have far more to deal with than anyone their age should. It doesn't seem right to saddle my own problems and inadequacies on them. And… I don't want them to hate me. After losing my friendship with Cordelia, the thought of my kids turning their back on me is more than I can bear.

So I keep to myself as we prepare to march home. Keep to myself when walking back. Keep to myself all the way until we're past the Longfort and well into Ferox. As long as I can get away with it. I'm still not sure what I'll say when people ask me what's been going on with me lately. I'm not sure I'm mentally equipped to answer what I had for breakfast this morning.

I just… don't know what to do anymore. The sense of clarity I felt when fighting Gangrel and his men seems like an illusion. A part of me is almost longing to be back in that battle. To know what it feels like to have absolute confidence in what I have to do next. The simplicity of it is practically intoxicating. Now I'm torn between regret and fear, too confused to find a way forward.

And I know that my position is caused by my own actions, and my own shitty attitude. I know I'm entirely to blame for the pain I'm feeling. I know it's not helpful. But I just can't seem to shake this attitude. If my rational mind is trying to move forward, then my emotions are a bog weighing down my every step.

"Ben?" I'm snapped out of my thoughts at Diana's voice, and look down to see her giving me a very concerned look, "Chrom's asking for you."

"Chrom is?" I raise an eyebrow. "And he sent you to get me?"

"Not exactly." I look up to see Chrom standing directly in front of me.

"Uhh…"

"So, your Prince can't get a response out of you even when he's standing three feet in front of you, but as soon as Diana speaks up you're at complete attention." Chrom accuses, with a hint of mirth in his voice, "I'll be sure to remember that trick."

"What can I say," I reply sheepishly, "the kids get priority over everything. Even my own dumb brain. So… what's going on?"

"I had something important to talk to you about. It's about, well…" He hesitates, eyes shooting to Diana.

"Ah." Comes my eloquent reply, "Well, I suppose we can march in parallel for a while."

"My thoughts exactly." Chrom nods, relieved to see that I understand. We move off the main road together, walking through the forest a far enough distance away that the others will be able to see but not hear us. As soon as we're away, Chrom turns to me with a concerned expression. "Before anything else, I have to ask: are you alright?"

"Chrom." I give him a flat look, "We both know the answer to that question. Now before you say anything else: I appreciate that you're worried about me, but I'm keeping this private."

"Are you sure? Talking might help. I know Cordelia's been confiding a lot in Sumia lately." When my face twists at that he hastily amends, "I don't think Sumia has all the details, but I think it's helping Cordelia just to talk about how she's feeling. You can do the same if you want. We're friends after all."

"That's… Thank you Chrom, really." I sigh, "But I think what I need right now is time enough that I can think things over with a clear head."

"Alright… if you change your mind though…"

"You'll be the first to know," I assure him. "Now, what did you need to talk about?"

"I suppose… I wanted to ask your opinion regarding what we know about Marth's warning. And the other children from the future."

"My opinion on what, specifically?" I ask, looking away to where Diana marches with the other Shepherds. She's sharp enough to have guessed what we're talking about, and keeps sending us nervous glances.

"When do you think we should tell the others?" I look back to Chrom and see him looking at me with a grave expression. "Last we spoke of this, you advised secrecy for the moment. You thought the story Marth told could distract them from the task at hand. I didn't agree with that assessment. I still don't. But I decided to follow your advice in the end, in spite of my misgivings."

"Sounds like you've made up your mind already." I note drily.

"I know that what I want to do is the same as it has always been." Chrom replies, "But I still value your opinion. So before I do anything, I would like to know what you think."

"I appreciate it, Chrom." I nod gratefully, thinking over his question carefully.

For a moment I consider trying to push the reveal further back, to better reflect my knowledge of events. But I don't think there's a good way to do so, not without things getting even more complicated. Plus, I think I'd just like the information out there so these kids will have a good chance to know their families. After how many times I've nearly lost my chance to know my own children, I want the other future kids to have the chance they need to connect with their families as soon as possible.

I reflect on things for a while, before finally giving my response. "First thing I'll say is wait until we've left Auream Dominus at least. Let everyone celebrate the end of the war before we burden them with the end of the world."

"I agree." Chrom nods along, "I think we could all use a bit of time to just be happy without that weighing down on us. I know I often find myself wishing I didn't know the things I now know."

"Tell me about it." I reply humorlessly.

"…And after that?" Chrom continues on.

"Well… that depends, I suppose. The big thing to consider is that by bringing this information forward, you aren't just telling the Shepherds about the dangers to come. You're also going to be bringing to light the knowledge that many of the Shepherds are parents already. So I think you need to decide what sort of setting you want when you reveal to people that their families are a lot bigger than they might be prepared for." I frown thoughtfully, "And to be honest, I'm not sure at all what would be best for a reveal that big."

Chrom looks vaguely terrified at the prospect, staring blankly off into the distance. "Gods, I think I'd rather fight the Fell Dragon than tackle something so important. This is so much more complicated than an evil dragon. Do… do you know who specifically is related to whom?"

"I have a better idea than I did before." I say. "Uhh… I guess first thing I should tell you is that Owain mentioned his mother being the Exalt."

Chrom goes dead still at that, eyes wide with shock. "Wait, his mother? Emm- no, of course not. Lissa? He's Lissa's son?"

"Yup. Not sure where his brand is, though." I muse, "Arm maybe? Could explain the way he always mumbles about his 'all-powerful sword hand.' But uhh… yeah. You're an uncle. A real one too, not a fake uncle like I am. Congratulations?"

I stare nervously at Chrom for a moment, not sure how well he's taking the news. And that sense of nervousness only gets worse when he turns away from me without another word and calls for Owain to come join us.

Owain on the other hand, doesn't seem to know the meaning of nervous, grinning broadly as he joins us. "Greetings Milord! What use have you for me on this glorious day? Whatever the task, rest assured that I, Owain Dark, warrior hero extraordinaire, am more than up to the challenge!"

Chrom stares appraisingly at Owain for several long seconds before turning to me and raising an eyebrow. "This is my nephew?"

Owain misplaces his foot so badly at that question that he falls over completely, saved from face planting only because I manage to grab his collar. "W-w-w-wait, you know about that!?" He stammers wildly, gaping in shock as I set him back on his feet.

"I pieced most of it together some time ago." Chrom nods. "Ben filled in some details though. Including telling me that you're apparently Lissa's son."

"How'd you know?" Owain stares blankly at me.

"Not exactly a lot of options as to who 'my mother the Exalt' could be." I shrug.

Owain groans in distress, realizing his blunder, "Ah geez, Lu- er, Marth is going to kill me."

"Not too hard, I hope." Chrom replies bemusedly, "I imagine as your cousin she must hold back at least a little."

"You'd think so, but she's never seemed to- oh gods." Owain stares at Chrom in horror, realizing as I do what he's just been tricked into revealing.

I can't help but give Chrom a brief bit of applause for that one. "Well played, boss man." Chrom gives me a slightly exasperated look at the title, but seems proud nonetheless.

"Argh!" Owain cries melodramatically, "Now she really is going to kill me! It's bad enough I'm breaking the rules and joining the Shepherds, but now I'm spilling the beans about her being your daughter."

"I mean, she made it pretty easy to figure out." I point out, patting Owain on the back consolingly. "Same hair, same one of a kind sword, same flashy moves, dresses way too nice to be anything but royalty."

"She also informed me that she was trained in swordplay by her father," Chrom continues. "Honestly once she informed me she was from the future I knew who she had to be. I just needed you to confirm it since somebody insisted on playing dumb whenever I brought it up."

"And what a handsome rapscallion that somebody must be." I reply, pointedly ignoring the look Chrom is giving me.

"So… what happens now that you know?" Owain asks tentatively.

"We were just trying to figure that out, actually. It's a difficult subject, to say the least." Chrom muses, "We have five time travellers within the Shepherds, and another-"

"Uh, six, actually." Owain cuts in nervously. "I was not the only one Severa and Diana found. Though the situation is rather… complicated."

"How so?" Chrom asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, she has amnesia for one thing." Owain replies, looking very uncomfortable. "She remembers almost nothing of her life before reaching the future. Which is rather frustrating given the other thing…"

He goes silent at that, fidgeting nervously as he walks. Chrom and I trade looks, before I decide to prompt him further. "The other thing being…?"

"I… when we found her it was the first we'd seen of her in five years," Owain explains uneasily. "I'm not sure how much either of you know of the time we came from, but… it was far from safe. I dread to think of what sort of conditions she must have faced, or what she might have needed to do to survive. Nine years old, alone, in the middle of a war… I don't know how she could have…"

"Do you think she's dangerous?" I ask bluntly.

"Not at all!" Owain answers, looking shocked at the very idea.

"Then don't worry about how she survived. Just be glad that she did."

Owain brightens a little at that, and Chrom decides to pick up where he was forced to leave off. "Well then, as I was saying… We have six time travellers in the Shepherds, and at least three in Marth's group. Marth herself is… is my daughter, which means I'll be needing to talk to Sumia very soon. That leaves the other two… That knight is almost certainly Sully's daughter."

"Trained to fight like Kellam, but with her mother's ferocity. It checks out." I nod thoughtfully.

"You know, I always forget those two are dating." Chrom sighs, "But yes, it does fit rather perfectly in that regard. And that leaves the mage, who I can only imagine is Ricken's son…"

"Actually, Laurent was trained in magic by his mother." Owain supplies helpfully.

Chrom's face goes blank at that. "…Miriel? Really? I thought she had no interest in romance."

"Maybe she just needed to meet the right guy?" I muse. "I'll be honest, if Laurent wasn't here then I would absolutely have pegged her as the sort of woman to not want kids. Which reminds me… we should try to take steps to make sure that only those Shepherds who feel ready to come forward learn about who they're related to."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm saying… for the same reason I've instructed Diana not to reveal who her mother is… we shouldn't start revealing couples from the future willy-nilly." I say seriously. "If two people are meant to be together, then let it happen naturally. The last thing we need is for anybody to start feeling entitled or obligated to be in a relationship with somebody."

"Good point." Chrom replies with a wince. "As far as I know there are only two couples within the Shepherds right now. And no marriages. It does seem a bit premature to reveal such things."

"But!" Owain looks between the two of us pleadingly, but seems to rethink it rather quickly. "I… no, you're right of course. I would rather see my parents together out of love than obligation."

"Perhaps we should just ask for those open to the idea to come forward?" I supply. "It's not a perfect solution, but it would be better than nothing. Should help prevent most incidents at least."

"I'll trust in your judgement, Uncle." Owain nods agreeably. "Though… there is one other problem that has to be dealt with… one that myself and Diana have been struggling with for some time now."

"Diana?" My gaze sharpens on Owain. "What's happening?"

"Well, you see… Morgan, the girl that I and your daughters found… wasn't an only child." Owain says miserably. "She has a sister, one who has believed her to be dead for years now. I've been struggling to figure out how to tell her, but it's no easy thing. If I thought Morgan would remember her, it would be another story, but Morgan can barely remember anything besides her own father, so…"

"Alright Owain, stop dancing around the issue. Who is Morgan's sister?"

"Noire." Owain responds. "I don't know how she's going to respond to the news when we finally tell her..."


Noire's response proves to be rather simple, as it turns out.

We wait until evening to tell her, after we've set up camp. Chrom leaves the reveal to Owain, Diana, and myself, pointing out that he's not nearly as close with Noire as we are. And so the three of us bring her aside, have her sit down, and tell her. "We found your sister."

And Noire looks at us all impassively, and responds with, "I have no sister."

And then she gets up and walks away.

Diana is the first to recover from her shock, and rushes to catch up. "Noire, what are you saying!? We're talking about Morgan here! Morgan!"

"Morgan is dead. I have no sister." Noire replies coldly.

"She's not dead! We found her! I'm not sure how it's possible, but-"

"LISTEN TO WHAT I'M TELLING YOU, YOU MEDDLESOME BRAT! I HAVE NO SISTER! SHE IS DEAD TO ME!" Noire whirls on Diana furiously, hand on her pendant.

I step in front of my daughter protectively, and Noire backs away, gasping for breath as she recovers from her fit. After a moment, she looks up at the two of us, her face once more schooled into barely maintained guise of calm. "I'm sorry for snapping. I have no family. Please leave me be." She says this softly, and then rushes away.

For a moment I think about following her, but Diana is shocked, and hurt, and blinking back tears, so hugging her becomes my first priority. "For my benefit." I say, as she tries to pull away. "That was a sucky conversation and I want a hug. Alright?"

There's a moment of silence, and then Diana's hands find my back and she nods into my shoulder. It's funny how similar my daughters are in this regard. Both so proud, so desperate to grow up. Looking for a hug from dad is like saying you can't handle things on your own, and there are few things they want more than to be able to handle the problems the world keeps throwing at them.

So if there's a bit of sniffling into my shoulder, I don't say a word. Instead I focus on Owain, who stares in the direction Noire left, looking very lost. I raise an eyebrow, silently asking him if he knows why Noire reacted the way she did. He can only shake his head, as stunned as the rest of us.

Well damn. There's only one person I can think of who might know why Noire acted like that, besides Noire herself. Hopefully Severa will have some idea of how we can help her.

"Owain. Did any of you tell Morgan that she has a sister?"

"We did. We told her everything we could think of about her old life. Thought it might jog her memory." Owain replies, looking rather ill.

"Ah geez." I sigh, "Alright, well let's just keep an eye on both of them for now, and we'll try to figure all of this out as soon as we can."


There's partying in the streets when we finally return to Auream Dominus. Which shouldn't be half as surprising as it proves to me. The country which takes pride in kicking ass just won a war. Of course people are celebrating. Yet when I see the streets packed with people I'm taken aback. The war wasn't exactly kind to any of the countries involved.

The reaction amongst the other Shepherds is mixed. Some eat it up, some are as uncomfortable as I am, and some look outright miserable at the positive reception. Robin is the worst off, still eaten up with guilt at how badly his first push into Plegia went. He hasn't forgotten the failures that lead to the desperate straits of that final engagement. The effects of Emmeryn's sacrifice are made all too clear in the aftermath of everything. If not for her actions, I could easily see the war lasting for years.

Actually, that's not at all true. Our first push into Plegia to rescue Emmeryn was so devastating to the Feroxi army that it could easily have ended in our loss. Emmeryn didn't just end the war. She's the only reason we won it.

So when Robin sees people cheering at our victory, I can imagine how terrible it feels better than most. Because knowing that my plan succeeded has yet to make things any easier for me either.

The other faces unhappy with the adulation are rather telling. Lissa, worn to complete exhaustion from endlessly working in the wake of the war. Stahl, still filling in for Frederick as the Knight recovers. Cordelia, lone survivor of her unit. Tharja, who went to war against her country, and unlike Henry has the capacity for empathy needed to feel the weight of that struggle.

This victory was paid for in countless lives. Some of us feel that loss more keenly than others. And that weight remains on the minds of those who dwell in it, despite the jubilation of others in our procession, and the cheers of those looking on.

All the way through the city we march, until we've entered the courtyard of Basilio's keep. By now our procession has dwindled, with most of the Feroxi having broken off to mingle with those welcoming them back. Only the Khans, their generals, and the Shepherds are allowed to stay as Basilio's personal guests. We'd need at least a hundred more keeps like this one to hold all the soldiers with us.

I'm surprised to see that Ricken has come to see our return, the young mage confined to a wheelchair at Maribelle's side. On Maribelle's other side, a dark haired girl in a purple coat is practically vibrating with excitement, head bobbing back and forth as she searches the crowd. The procession has barely come to a halt when she beelines for Robin, and I hear Diana let out a panicked whisper of a curse as she moves to intercept. That will be Morgan then, ready and willing to blow the plan Chrom and I had for a controlled reveal. Thankfully the sight of one of the few other faces familiar to her seems to distract her for long enough that my daughter can close in and supervise.

"Just how many kids were there in that mercenary company anyways?" Gaius asks from behind me, watching Diana calm an excited Morgan down. "Seems like every time I look away your kids have found another old friend of theirs."

"As I've come to understand it, too many." I reply jokingly. "Speaking of which… you see Severa anywhere?"

"No… no Severa." He says thoughtfully, double checking the courtyard. He grins a moment later, directing my attention toward the stables, "But hey, there's at least one fellow happy to see you!"

I look in the direction Gaius is pointing. See a big scaly head looking my way. And can't help the grin that takes over my face. "BOBBY!"

Probably not the best idea calling out to him in a crowded courtyard, because when he hears me call for him he gets very excited and dutifully bounds right over. Over the guards, over the servants, over several bales of hay that the horses aren't going to find quite as useful now…

Needless to say by the time Bobby actually reaches me everyone in the courtyard is losing it. Some people are losing it laughing, and some people are losing it screaming, but you'd better believe everyone is losing it.

"Hey buddy!" I grin, barely keeping my feet on the ground as the big wyvern noses at me eagerly. I follow along with the unspoken request, scratching at a spot on the back of his neck that he seems to love. "You missed me, huh? Did you behave for Maribelle? Were you a good boy?" I look over to Maribelle, dropping the puppy talk. "Was he?"

"Perfectly behaved." Maribelle says, an amused expression on her face as she watches the two of us. "Though you'd hardly believe it were you to ask anyone working here. I've had to deal with foolish squawking every time he so much as looked in somebody's direction."

I scratch at the sweet spot a little harder at that, and Bobby responds with a pleased grumble that sends several people nearby stumbling away. "I'm going to have to ask Virion about a nice treat for you. Yes I will! Yes I will!" As Bobby eagerly accepts my ministrations, I look back to Maribelle again. "By the way… I don't suppose you know where Severa's gotten to?"

Maribelle's smile drops a bit at that. "I'm afraid not. She went out into the city this morning. I had honestly assumed she'd rejoin you all while you were passing through."

"Hmm…" I look back towards the gates uneasily. "Hopefully she's back soon. I've missed her."


Severa does in fact return later in the evening, I am later told. But to my surprise, she doesn't come to see me. I don't actually learn of her return until breakfast the next morning, when I am told that I've just missed her.

This continues for the next two days. I'll enter the common area, only to find that she's just left. I'll go to meals and find that she's eaten early, or is eating in the city, or decided to skip lunch. And when I wake up extra early the third morning to catch her, I catch my first glimpse of her retreating around a corner the moment I'm distracted.

My daughter is avoiding me.

The others attempt to reassure me, telling me that it's just bad timing. Coincidence.

This would be a lot more believable if I didn't consistently see Noire doing the same thing whenever Morgan draws near. And if Diana didn't report similar issues with pinning her sibling down.

By the time lunch rolls around I'm starting to feel pretty annoyed, and make it clear when I see Noire escaping a room for the third time that day.

"I sure as hell hope you two didn't get this from me." I snap irritably as she runs by.

Noire nearly trips on a flagstone, before glancing back at me, face flushed with embarrassment. "I don't know what you're referring to," She says coolly, before making a hasty retreat down the hall. I look back to the room to see Morgan watching her sister run, face falling with disappointment.

"Don't worry. Severa definitely came up with this on her own." Diana says, looking as annoyed as I feel as she walks up to me.

"Do you know what's gotten into Severa?" I ask, trying to keep my tone level.

"Maybe." Diana replies thoughtfully.

"Should I be worried?"

"No." She says definitively. "If I'm right she's planning something stupid. But you don't have to worry, because I'm going to stop her."

And now I'm worried for both of them. "Alright… well be careful, okay?" I say hesitantly. "Don't do anything crazy."

"I'm not the one who you should be saying that to." She says cryptically, walking away with a determined expression that would look pretty adorable under different circumstances.

"Ah geez." I scratch at my head nervously as I watch Diana stalk off. "What's gotten into those two?"

"Family troubles?"

I look back to see Chrom following my gaze with a concerned expression. "Ah… it would seem so." I explain. "Though nobody in the family is telling me what's going on."

"Hmm." Chrom frowns thoughtfully. "Well if you're busy with that I suppose I won't bother you then."

"No, it's fine." I say despite my misgivings, "There doesn't seem to be much I can do short of hunting my daughter down like a crazy person. What do you need?"

"Well…" Chrom says hesitantly, flushing red. "I was hoping you might be able to help me with preparations for an announcement come supper."

"What sort of announcement?" I ask curiously.

"Well, you see…" Chrom begins, looking more nervous than I've ever seen him. "Sumia and I have decided… it's past time that we decided to become… engaged."

I feel my eyes widen in surprise. "You're making it official? Tonight?"

Chrom nods sheepishly.

A grin rapidly takes over my entire face, and I clap Chrom on the back so hard he's sent staggering, proclaiming my excitement the most eloquent way I can think of. "FUCK YEAH, DUDE!"

And then we spend the rest of the afternoon planning a party.


The announcement is received well, because of course it is. Hell, I'd say the Shepherds all cheered loudly enough to shake the walls of Basilio's keep. And when my preparations with Basilio's kitchen staff are revealed and the food and drink is brought in they cheer louder still.

What follows is the biggest party I've been to since Arena Ferox. And… I immediately go back to being a wallflower. For a party I helped Chrom plan. Because I do not parties. And likely never will.

At least I can say I'm not the only one now. With the Shepherds having expanded so much since the last party I attended, I'm now joined in my wallflower ways by other Shepherds who have a similar lack of interest in intense socialization. Tharja, Panne, Lon'qu, and I have all formed a sort of antisocial coalition, wherein we all sit at the side of the dining hall, nurse our drinks, and barely speak to each other.

It's a good system. I can sit on the side without looking like a total loner. Panne has somewhere to mutter about how ridiculous we all are. Tharja has a great vantage point from which to watch Robin (and boy has learning about Noire and Morgan made my feelings on that particular tendency of hers complicated). And Lon'qu can sit about ten feet away from the rest of us looking mildly terrified because I'm sitting near a couple of women and the man fears cooties. Everyone gets what they want.

Except now that the party has actually started I don't have anything to distract me from Severa's continued absence. Or the fact that Diana is looking increasingly worried as the night goes on, and continues to keep her silence on what exactly is going on. Whatever Severa is planning, it seems to be happening soon. And Diana knows it, and seems determined to stop whatever it is. And everyone is very determined that I not find out about it, which is starting to get alarming.

"You're starting to resemble the surly one over there." Tharja comments, indicating Lon'qu. "Should I be looking for somewhere else to sit?"

"Hmm?" I glance towards her, attempting to school my face back into something more neutral. "Sorry, am I bothering you?"

"If you were bothering me, I wouldn't tell you. I'd just skip all the boring middle steps and curse you." Tharja says drily. "Still, I've heard enough stories about the horrible things you do when you get upset to know that the look on your face means trouble."

"That depends."

Tharja raises an eyebrow.

"It depends on whether or not you're a slaver. Or I guess in the process of trying to kill me. But most of the stories people tell about me are the result of a run in I had with a certain band of slavers last winter."

Tharja hums thoughtfully at that. "What about the Sled Incident?"

"That was a group effort." I reply immediately. "And let me tell you, Gregor and Nowi were at least ten times scarier than I was during that debacle."

"Interesting," She says slowly. Then she simply shrugs and goes back to watching Robin as he talks excitedly with Chrom and Sumia.

"Okaaaaay," I reply uneasily. "Well with that settled, I think I'm going to go… get some more ale. You have fun."

Tharja waves dismissively, eyes now firmly fixed on the object of her affections. I take the out and head for the drink table. Might need to intervene in that somehow. Maybe. I'd have to talk to Robin first to see what he thinks of this, but that fixation is not healthy. Though… apparently it worked out well enough in the other timeline, if Noire and Morgan are any indication…

Yeah, you know what, I'm just going to keep my nose out of that whole thing. There's something about all this that reeks of unhealthy home life one way or the other, but until I know more I really have no business poking my nose into Tharja's business. Though I should at least try to figure out why Noire hates Morgan so much. Noire's angry enough and Morgan is persistent enough that the situation is going to blow up sooner rather than later.

"Or maybe you should consider dealing with your own problems first rather than messing with anybody else." I mutter angrily to myself. I stare at the tankard in my hand irritably, the damn thing still mostly full, and raise it to my lips. Who gives a shit, it's a party. I can break my alcohol rule for a change.

"Wow Chuckles, this may be the first time I've ever seen you with alcohol." Gaius says, having appeared in front of me while I was preoccupied with my drink.

"I don't make a habit of drinking, no." I reply blandly, "Did you need something Gaius?"

"Well, I was hoping to talk to you about something." Gaius says awkwardly. "Though… it's not the sort of conversation to suit the mood around here, I should warn you."

I give him a look, "Is it important."

"Very." He replies seriously, meeting my gaze.

"Hmm." I muse, looking to where I last saw Diana. She's gone. Doesn't seem to be anywhere in the room now. And I don't have the first clue where to find her. So my options are apparently: important talk with Gaius, or going on a wild goose chase. "Fine, I guess. Never been much of a party person anyways."

"Yeah, I got that impression." Gaius replies jokingly, looking back towards the area where my fellow wallflowers are sitting. "Come on, there's a balcony over there, we can chat in private."

I follow him outside, and note the noise of the room immediately dying down as we step outside. The air outside is cool, a welcome relief now that we're well into the summer.

The two of us lean against the guardrail, Gaius facing backwards towards the dining hall while I stare out over the city. The party is reduced to a dull white noise in the background, with only the faintest hints of music and the occasional loud cheer reaching us outside.

"They're really living it up in there, huh?" Gaius comments idly as a particularly loud round of cheering sounds out throughout the room.

"I guess." I say with a shrug. "Considering the circumstances, I'd say this feels about normal."

"True enough." Gaius grins, "It's a pretty big occasion, after all. Two of our friends getting married like that. A big old royal wedding on the horizon! And I'm going to be attending! As a guest! Who'da thought?"

"Pretty crazy the way life goes, yeah."

"And now Kellam and Sully are talking about going the same way soon."

"Really?" I look towards Gaius, prompting him for more details.

"Oh you didn't hear? Sully was giving Chrom hell earlier for getting the jump on them. I guess they were making plans to get hitched once we're all back in Ylisse."

"Huh…" I blink in surprise. "Well good for them."

"Yeah."

Gaius goes quiet at that, taking a pull from his tankard. I wait as he does so, figuring that he's clearly trying to build up to some sort of point here. Nothing he's said so far would be out of place amongst friendly company.

"You know…" Gaius says after a while, staring grimly into his ale, "For a while there I kinda thought you and Cordelia wouldn't be too far behind them."

Oh. Should have realized that was what he was building up to. "Gaius, I really don't-"

"I know, okay? I know. Just- just hear me out here." Gaius cuts me off with a wave. "I get that this isn't something you want to talk about. I've heard about how you shut Chrom down a few days ago. And at first I wanted to just leave it be. We both know this sort of talk isn't really the sort of thing I'm good at. Which is why I've stayed out of it for as long as I have. I bugged you after things went bad between you two, yeah, but that was just to stop you moping all over the damn place. I didn't pry. Didn't think it was my business to pry."

"So what changed?" I ask grouchily.

"What changed…" Gaius echoes irritably. "Nothing changed, Chuckles! That's the damn problem. It's been weeks since you and Red stopped talking to each other. Weeks! And the two of you are both still wallowing in your misery! Neither of you are moving on, neither of you are cheering up, and neither of you are taking the time to properly talk to anyone about what happened! So now here I am, standing out here missing the party, so I can finally help you, my friend, get this off your chest."

"I don't want to talk about it, Gaius."

"Well you should! Bottling it all up like this isn't healthy for anybody. And I'm probably the best person you can possibly talk to about what happened."

"Oh yeah?" I snap, "And why's that? What the fuck makes you so special?"

"Because I know what it's like to have hurt the person you… you love." Gaius says, getting very quiet as he finishes speaking.

"I… you… what?" I blink in surprise, not expecting the admission. "Wait, you and Maribelle?"

Gaius gives me a look like I'm a complete idiot. "No, not me and Maribelle. There's just Twinkles, living her life, and me, the hopeless idiot in love with somebody he doesn't have a chance with. She's the daughter of one of the wealthiest families in Ylisse. I wouldn't have a chance with a girl like her even if I hadn't nearly ruined her life. Which is why I'm getting so ticked off looking at you right now!"

"What do you-"

"She loves you, you dumbass!" Gaius snaps, grabbing me by the front of my shirt and shaking me. "You two are both crazy about each other, and you're throwing it away day after day because you're too busy feeling sorry for yourself to try to fix things between you!"

"It's not that simple Gaius!" I snap back, slapping his hands away. "I ruined everything between us! We can't go back to how we were, not after what I did!"

"Chuckles, because of me Maribelle nearly lost her father." Gaius replies in frustration. "I damn near destroyed her whole damn family! Do you really think you've done something to top that?"

"I knew about the Pegasus Knights."

The way I manage to shock him into silence with that is almost satisfying. "What?"

"I knew what would happen to the Pegasus Knights. That all of them but Cordelia would be killed."

"You… no. No, that's not possible." Gaius stares at me uncomprehendingly. "You were right there with me when they left, you can't seriously be saying-"

"I knew." I reply. "I knew they would die and I said nothing. Did nothing."

"I don't…" Gaius blinks at me. Looks down at his tankard and drains it. Then he walks back inside, and for a moment I think he's decided he doesn't want to be around me either, until he comes back out with two full tankards clutched in each hand. He passes two of them to me, then takes another long pull from one of his own and says, "Alright, start talking. How?"

"How what? How did I know? How could I do it?"

"Whichever. Don't care." Gaius says coolly. "If I still have questions when you're done I'll ask then. But there is no way in hell I'm letting you off the hook with just that, so we're going to sit out here, we're going to drink our way through as much ale as it takes for you to get through this story, and then we're going to figure this shit out. Got it?"

I stare blankly at him for a moment. Then I empty my first flagon, the one Gaius didn't give me, and slump back against the railing, sliding slowly to the ground as I hold my remaining drinks steady.

And then… I start talking. I tell him about my old life. About waking up in Southtown. About realizing I knew this world, and then learning that I knew things about what was going to happen. And… everything since then. All the different times I've come close to dying. Ezra and the slavers. Severa, Diana, and Lumír. Cordelia.

It's… liberating. Finally talking about all this. Speaking of things that even Libra was never told. Liberating, but still difficult. More than once I have to stop during the story because I'm trying not to hyperventilate. And at some point during the story- I'm not entirely sure when- I start crying and find myself unable to stop until I've said everything I have to.

In the end there are only two things I don't tell Gaius. First, that the story which my knowledge comes from is in fact a game. And second, the details of my plan to save Emmeryn. Everything else, every violent act, every terrible deed, every event I failed to stop, I tell him.

And Gaius listens through all of it. He doesn't interrupt. He doesn't tune me out. He just sits there next to me, barely even touching his drink, and listening throughout the whole story, leaving only occasionally to bring me a refill. And when I finish the tale, and our balcony falls into silence, he lets out a long breath, slumps against the railing, and stares up into the night sky. "Well," He says after a minute or two, absentmindedly fishing in his pocket for a lollipop, "That's… a lot to take in."

I nod mutely in response.

Gaius pops the candy into his mouth. Then he evidently decides that one sucker isn't enough because a moment later he makes a dissatisfied grunt and digs up another. "You want one?" He asks, sounding a bit ridiculous with a sucker stick poking out of each corner of his mouth.

"…You know what? Sure." I mutter, staring off into space. Gaius wordlessly goes through his pockets until he finds another candy and passes it over, and I unwrap the thing and pop it into my mouth with a muttered thanks.

It takes another minute before Gaius starts talking again. "So… that time you stopped Cordelia from skewering me…"

"It's because I realized you were the thief from the story, yeah."

"Huh…" Gaius muses. "Well. Guess it's a good thing you were there then. How'd I get roped into this in the story if you weren't there?"

"You ran into Chrom. He bought your services with a bag of candy. And some money, but it was mostly the candy that did the trick."

"Heh. Yeah, sounds like something I'd do." Gaius says with a light chuckle, before falling into another thoughtful silence. "…You know, I never so much as saw Chrom that night. Not until well after everything was over, at least."

"No?" I blink in surprise.

"Not so much as a hair on his royal blue head." Gaius confirms. "First time I saw the guy was when he came to see Princess."

"Huh. Weird."

"I guess," Gaius muses. "So… that means the only reason I lived through that night was because of this story of yours."

"I don't-"

"No, seriously Chuckles, think about it." He says seriously. "If you hadn't known who I was, Cordelia would have stabbed me, that maid would have told you all that I killed the others so I could have her all to myself, and you would have gone on your merry way without a second thought. The only reason I lived is because you used your knowledge to save me."

"Yeah. I guess you're right." I concede.

"Thing is though, at the same time I'm learning this, I'm also learning that you chose not to use that knowledge to save dozens of other people the very next morning. So right now, I'm having a hard time figuring out how to respond to all this. Because that's… that's messed up, Chuckles. And even after hearing all this I'm having a hard time understanding it."

"I… don't think I have an answer. Not a good one." I say helplessly. "I just… I was scared. I don't know what else to say. Every time I have the chance to change something, there's a voice in my head… that screams at me all the ways it could go wrong. All the ways it could backfire. So I do nothing."

"So… what? You're so scared of things possibly going wrong that-"

"No." I say firmly. "No, not possibly. I…" I frown, sitting myself up again and collecting my thoughts. "In my mind… things going wrong is not a possibility. I just… know it's going to happen. They will go wrong. They always go wrong. I... Gaius, I can't remember the last time I went into… anything with the genuine belief that things will work out in my favor. When I make decisions it's not about… not about what I could gain. It's about how I can lose the least. It's been that way for as long as I can think. I have things I've always wanted, but I've never believed I can attain them. I don't take risks, because every time I've tried it ends poorly for me. I don't reach out, because I've had my hands slapped aside more than I can bear. There is a part of me right now that is waiting for you to reach the point where you become so disgusted with me that you walk back inside and never speak to me again, because I've lost so many friends in my life for so much less than this. And since I came to this world it's become so much worse because any time I do anything there is a part of me that knows if I change things too much there is a very real possibility that the world will literally end. It will end the same way that it did in the timeline that Severa and all the other kids came from. And that is fucking terrifying to me because I know I'm not supposed to be here, I know I don't belong in this story, and I know what happens when I get involved with anything. So since I got myself involved, like the worthless fucking dumbass that I am, and since I can barely find so much as a hint as to how to get back home, I do nothing. Because if I do anything then that's like gambling with people's lives, and I know myself too fucking well to believe that I could ever make things better!"

"Shit Chuckles…" Gaius says, looking at me with something akin to horror. He doesn't have anything else to say for a while after that. Can't blame him for being speechless; that was a lot to dump on somebody. I can honestly say it's the closest I've ever come to putting the way I feel into words.

After several more minutes of silence, Gaius finally finds it in himself to speak again. "Chuckles, I… no. Ben. I don't know if I can help you with this." He says, looking far guiltier than he should given the circumstances. "I want to help you, but… I'm not good with touchy-feely stuff in general. And this is… the sort of thing that needs some kind of expert."

"It's fine." I reply, forcing a smile. "I didn't tell you all this expecting you to-"

"Hold on, I'm not done." Gaius waves a hand in my face to silence me. "I want you to know, I don't agree with what you did. And I don't understand the reason why you did it. But… that doesn't mean I'm going to walk out on you. Or that I believe all that stuff you said about yourself. I don't think there's a single person in the Shepherds who would. And I'm going to help you figure all this crap out, as best as I can. Because I know for a fact that meeting you made my life better. Freaky future knowledge or not, you've been a friend to me. One of the best I've ever known. And that isn't going away just because you've made a few bad calls."

"Oh." I stare blankly at him. Then the tears start again, and I start scrubbing at my eyes viciously. "Ah, shit. Sorry man, bawling all over the place right after you said you don't do well with this sort of thing."

"Hey, it's cool." Gaius chuckles. "I may not like touchy feely stuff, but I've had plenty of experience with weepy drunks over the years. And you my friend, are getting pretty drunk."

He gestures at the floor next to me and I blink as I take in all the empty flagons lying around the balcony. "Oh fuck… how many refills did you bring me?"

"Not as many as it looks." Gaius answers, patting me on the shoulder. "At least a third of these were water. You were too distracted to notice. But between the ale and all the crying you've been doing I don't envy the headache you're going to have tomorrow morning."

"…Is that why my vision's getting blurry?"

"That, and the spell Henry's been casting on your glasses wore off again." Gaius grins, hauling me to my feet. "Come on Chuckles. Let's see if he can't fix that up for you and then we'll get you to bed. You've got a miserable morning ahead of you."


I wake up to the sound of pounding on my door, and to the feeling of pounding in my head. The first ever hangover of my life. It's… certainly an experience.

"Ugh, shit." I groan, sitting up slowly and clutching at my head. Okay, what are you supposed to do when you have a hangover…? Water and greasy food, right? So I should probably head to the kitchen.

Somebody pounds on the door again. Okay, I should deal with whoever that is, and then head to the kitchen. I drag myself out of bed, noting as I do so that I seem to have been stripped down to just the pants I was wearing last night. I should change before I answer the door. I doubt I smell great at the moment and I'm pretty sure I spilled ale on these pants at least once last night.

I start to get up and notice a glass of water, a damp washcloth, and some medicine on the bedside table. There's a note from Gaius next to them, which reads "Figured you'd want these when you woke up. Remember to thank Twinkles for the medicine. See you at breakfast. Or lunch I guess, if you're a lightweight."

"Gaius, you beautiful bastard." I grin in relief, taking the medicine and washing it down with the water. The effect is immediate, my head feeling much less foggy, because magical medicine is the best shit ever invented in this and any other world. Still a dull pain in my head, but it doesn't feel like my brain is actively throbbing out of my damn skull anymore.

Another loud knock on the door, faster this time, and I remember I have yet to address whoever is trying to wake me. "I'm up already, just, give me you in a minute!" I call, wiping myself off hurriedly with the cloth while I scan my wardrobe for clean clothes.

"Ben, you get out here right this second!" A muffled voice calls out from behind the door.

I pause a moment, staring at the door as I register who's on the other side, "Cordelia? What's going on?"

"Will you hurry up already?"

"Give me a second, will you?" I reply irritably as I tug on a clean pair of pants. "I just woke up for crying out loud!"

"This can't wait!" She replies, and only now do I start to register the note of panic in her voice. "There's something wrong with Severa!"

I'm at the door within seconds, heaving it open with enough force to nearly rip it off the hinges. "What happened?" I snap at Cordelia, not caring that I haven't buttoned my shirt yet.

Cordelia looks as bad as I felt a minute ago, eyes bloodshot and unsteady on her feet. "I don't know!" She cries hysterically, looking back down the hallway, "She won't tell me! Ever since I woke up she's been curled up into a ball muttering to herself, and she won't respond to anything I do!"

I'm suddenly reminded of the way she's been acting lately, the so-called stupid plan that Diana was stressing herself out more and more trying to stop. The plan I did nothing about because Diana kept insisting she'd handle things. "Oh shit, Severa." I groan, tugging at my hair in frustration, "What did you do, kiddo? What the hell have you done?"

What tragedy have I failed to stop this time?


I hope that cliffhanger proves an adequate bit of foreshadowing for the emotional devastation to come.

So, a little bit of info about Ben's mental state... it's pretty accurate to my own. I've basically written a character with the same problems I'm currently working to overcome. And making his situation much shittier, because seriously folks, I have no idea what the fuck self-indulgent means. How did I ever think for even a single second that this story was going to be self-indulgent? Am I completely mental? All signs currently point to yes.

That said, I am in fact taking another shot at this whole 'self-indulgent SI fanfiction' thing. Some of you reading may have seen it already, but in the past month I've posted the first three chapters of a whole new fanfiction. It's another SI, but this one will be taking place in the world of Pokemon! The fic is called Throne of Mud, and will detail the adventures of Ben and his new friend, a happy little Golett friend named Ogrim, as they seek to be the very best like no one ever was, while navigating a world with a lot more bureaucracy and politics than they're really prepared for. So if you want to read a story in which Ben can relax just a little bit more and not worry about the fate of the world, definitely check it out. It could be your one and only chance to see Ben actually be... happy! Gasp!

Well, he'll get there in this fic too. Eventually.

I'll conclude by plugging the Fanfiction Treehouse discord once again. A great discord, with great people, many of whom have great fanfiction of their own. There's all sorts of different stories there, though SI fanfiction seems to be the specialty. And I also post snippets and updates for the next chapter there from time to time, so it can help ease your wait for the next chapter. You should definitely check it out, it's a fun community, and has lots of great resources for anyone thinking of writing a fic of their own.

discord .gg/9XG3U7a

Next chapter: Get ready for the answers to some of your biggest questions folks. I've been waiting years to write this one.