A/N: Oh. My. God. I have been waiting to finish this forever. I am so sorry about the wait, but you won't be disappointed, somehow I managed ten pages for your viewing pleasure today, and I hope you all enjoy what you read. All of your wonderful comments and reviews have helped me so much, so thank you for that. Hopefully, I won't take so long with the next chapter. In any case, read and enjoy, this has become my favorite chapter so far…so let's see what you all think.
Disclaimer: See previous chapters for disclaimer.
…
Twenty minutes.
Bryan glowered at his watch before raising his head to look at the wooden door across from where he stood, arms crossed, leaning against the wall. He had been standing there like that for an entire twenty minutes and still he couldn't bring himself to open the door.
Maybe it was because on some level, even though he acted bravely, calmly, and cold whenever his uncle was around…on some level, Boris Balcov scared him. The man was capable of so much, and just behind that door was the room where he sat and planned, and typed and calculated…that room.
The one room in the house that Bryan had never before dared to enter.
Even when the police had been there, he had waited in the kitchen. But only because they needed to ask him a few questions. Had he any choice in the matter he would have stayed at Tala's apartment. And when they shut that door after the investigations were over, he'd left it that way. He hated to think of the things that went on in that room; he had no desire to know anything about it.
Technically, he rationalized; there wasn't any real reason to go in there now. He had just gotten a little carried away with his conspiracy theories, that was all.
Albeit, conspiracy theories that made a hell of a lot of sense…
"Fuck." His pale eyes narrowed in contemplation.
How could a room…a door, the handle of it even, hold him on such a tight leash? It made him angry, to think that he couldn't even do this; this one thing for Tala and Kai. It may prove to be nothing, but what if it wasn't nothing? Would he be able to live with himself if anything more happened to the two people in this world that he cared about the most, knowing that he could have done something to prevent it?
He shut his eyes, and growled.
Boris had done so much…to Kai, to him, to Tala. He knew that Kai had gone through the worst of it by far, Boris knew better than to bodily harm children that would be seen by the public. That would cause suspicion, and when Tala's mother had been living, she'd have killed him herself. Bryan smiled fondly, remembering Mrs. Ivanov. She had never judged him. All that she had asked was that her son be taken care of.
Immediately a spark of guilt ignited something inside his chest.
He needed to do this. He needed to keep his friends and his lover out of harms way. If that meant that he was required to walk through Hellfire in order to battle the Devil himself then he would do it.
He'd made that promise to himself a long time ago.
Still, he hesitated. Bryan's scrutinizing gaze slipped momentarily from the door of his uncle's study to the phone at the end of the hall. Maybe he should call Tala first. He hadn't spoken to the redhead in a long time, days, come to think of it. The guilt flared, as well as the worry that had been plaguing his mind since the day that he let go of his koi.
What if something had happened?
Pushing himself off of the wall, he stood in the middle of the corridor, and watched the phone. They had agreed that he would only call when necessary. Tala agreed to the same. There was too much riding on the whole case for them to be calling each other every half an hour. Too much to be done.
Slowly, he relaxed. Breathing out deeply, he ran a hand through his hair and jammed the other one into his pocket.
Tala and Kai were just busy. That was all.
Still…he felt like there was more to it than that. Bryan was painfully aware of the panic rising in his chest now, and his hand twitched to reach for the phone.
And then he noticed the door, looming over him on his side, reminding him that he should be busy as well. Tala would find a way to get in touch with him if anything was wrong. Until then, Bryan would do everything he could with what he had.
But if his redhead didn't call by tomorrow afternoon, he was going to call him up, regardless of the promises they had made.
With that, he turned slowly, glancing one last time down the hall before stepping forward and taking the brass knob in his hand. Pushing his fears from his mind, he turned the handle and opened the door a crack. Silently he slipped in, and shut it just as quietly behind him.
…
A pale, slender figure shivered slightly, curling himself tighter under the large comforter. Kai had left earlier, after he had thought that he was asleep. Part of him was glad. Another part of him wanted to call Kai back into the room with him, just so that he wouldn't have to be alone anymore.
Tala moaned softly, burying his head deeper into his pillow. Pain kept him in a semi-conscious state. His temples throbbed, and his cheeks were stinging. Slowly, he reached up and gently dabbed at the sensitive skin with his finger tips.
He felt sick. His stomach churned and his throat tightened painfully. His bright blue eyes, once full of life and determination, now half-lidded, were dull and filled with apathy.
And he knew it too.
He hated crying. It made him feel even worse; helpless and humiliated, lying in a puddle of emotion. Feeling so lost that there was nothing else to be done, and all he could do was let the weight of sorrow and grief pull him down.
With a deep, shuddering breath, he tried to push the memories and emotions from his mind. He tried so hard to tell himself that he was being irrational, and that nothing was his fault.
Wearily, he rubbed at his eyes, feeling hot tears collecting again on his long lashes. Growling in frustration, he squeezed his eyes shut and swallowed hard.
Briefly, he saw the image of Kai, tears streaming down his scabbed face, porcelain skin marred by four blue triangles that seemed to cut into his cheeks. He was surrounded by garbage, eyes red and chest heaving, lying in a dirty bed with nothing but thin sheets to cover him in the cold.
Tala's pale lips parted in a gasp as he threw himself forward, sitting up suddenly. Instantly his face melted into tears, and his eyes fluttered shut.
He couldn't believe that it wasn't his fault. He could have stopped this from happening. He could have saved him…
Sobbing quietly, the redhead threw the comforter off of his body, ignoring the cold that attacked his skin. Swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, he stood. Swaying dangerously, he grabbed for a hold to keep him upright.
The bedside table crashed to the ground with him, the glass and clock that had been sitting atop it cracking dangerously against the carpet, the bulb in the lamp shattering as it hit the wall. For a moment he didn't move, too tired to try anymore.
"Tala!" The distressed voice hollered up the stairs accompanied by heavy footsteps woke him with a snap. His eyes were clouded with tears as he pulled himself to his feet, but he knew where he was going as he scrambled for the bathroom door. Just as he slammed it shut, locking it with a definite "click", Kai burst in from the hallway.
…
"Tala?" Kai called into the room, assessing the situation quickly. The redhead was missing, and the bedside table was on the floor along with the lamp, a cracked glass, and an alarm clock that was now blinking the time. His crimson gaze slid to the bathroom door.
"Tala?" he called softer this time. He didn't think that the redhead was in any kind of immediate danger, but his mind kept bringing up the worst possible scenarios. He didn't get an answer. Gingerly he walked across the carpet, briefly taking in the ruffled sheets on the bed before reaching the bathroom door.
He knocked.
For a moment he listened before knocking again. "Tala? Answer me."
…
The older Russian cringed when he heard the knocking. Pushing himself further back into a corner, he tried to compose himself.
"Yeah Kai?" he cringed when his voice came out barely above a whisper. No doubt the blunette wouldn't leave him alone now.
"Tala, are you alright?"
He swallowed again, feeling guilty at the worry that had seeped into his friend's voice. He had done that…caused this worry.
More tears streamed over his cheeks.
"I'm fine." He knew Kai didn't believe him, his icy blue eyes fixed on the door. He could practically see those crimson eyes narrow in frustration and worry. "Really," he added, even if it was futile.
For a long time, neither of them said anything else. All he wanted was for everything to go away. He wanted Kai to know that he was sorry for all of the pain that he had caused…for everything that he had failed to do. He wanted forgiveness; even though he knew that he didn't deserve it…that was all he wanted.
As quietly as he could, he lowered his head to his knees, and cried.
…
Kai could hear the soft sobs through the door. They seemed to permeate the entire building, and they echoed in ears so loudly it was painful. He felt his own eyes stinging with that familiar sensation…it hurt him to know that Tala was all alone, crying, and for once, he had no idea what was going on. He didn't know why this was happening…
"What do you want me to do Kai?" he bit back. "Tell you that it didn't happen so there's nothing to worry about?"
His mind drifted back to that moment, his crimson gaze fixed on the door separating him and his friend.
"Tala…"
"Well? Is that it? You want me to tell you that everything is okay? That I can fix this and everything else?"
"No, that's not it at all"
Tala…Tala had thought that…he needed to fix everything? His eyes widened in painful realization. No…no that couldn't be it. Tala couldn't think those things; he'd never—had he? Had he really been making the redhead feel that way?
"Because I can't do it Kai! I can't fix everything!"
Tala had brought himself down with his burdens. 'My burdens…'
"Why would you…?"
With a sniff of his own, he stopped mid-sentence blinking his tears away and quickly surveyed his room. Walking towards the closet he opened it and reached in between the folds of various clothing that he had inside it. Producing the small lock pick, he returned to the door.
Bending down on one knee, he took hold of the knob.
"I'm sorry," he mouthed to the face of the door, inserting the pick.
…
Tala didn't hear the click of the lock until it was too late, and his head snapped up in surprise when Kai pushed open the door. He sat, frozen on the spot, his eyes wide and wet from crying. Kai moved into the bathroom before Tala could protest, and shut the door behind him.
Turning his head sharply, the redhead fixed his gaze on a spot between the two tiles beneath his feet, and refused to look at his friend. He couldn't stand to have Kai see him like this.
"Why are you doing this…?" The timid question just barely reached his ears. The blue-eyed young man looked up from the floor, genuinely confused.
"This?"
Kai looked devastated. Sniffing loudly a few times, Tala rubbed his eyes again.
"I just need to be left alone for a while Kai." The blunette shook his head. His friend glared, new tears welling up in his eyes out of frustration.
"Damn it Kai, LEAVE ME ALONE!" he yelled. "God just…leave…" he choked, pressing his forehead into his open palm. "I don't want to talk right now."
"I'm not leaving," came the firm reply. "You don't talk to me anymore Tala; I can't trust you to come to me."
"Fuck you!" he yelled. But something in his voice made him seem so desperate, for anything. His pride wanted to be left alone. Tala wanted something else.
Crouching down to his level, Kai stayed there, but didn't approach the other man. It was like gauging the reaction of a wounded animal. As calmly as he could, he tried to get through to Tala one more time.
"Please…talk to me. We promised each other that we'd do anything…do this for me. Tell me what is wrong."
He waited as Tala glared into the floor, until his expression softened, and more tears rolled down his pale cheeks. After another pause he opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, he choked again, and leaned forward, sobs racking his slender body. This time he wasn't holding back. He cried out loud, unable to voice such strong emotions.
Kai grabbed him then, too suddenly for the elder Russian to protest, and pulled him firmly against his chest. Unable to struggle, and in too much pain to care, he buried his face into the soft T-shirt that his friend was wearing.
"I'm so sorry," he managed between his tears. "I didn't…I wanted to…but"
"Why are you sorry? Why?" the blunette asked him softly, pulling him closer and rocking him back and forth. "You didn't do anything to me Tala!"
"It's all my fault!" he yelled angrily, but it was directed at himself, not Kai. "ALL OF IT!"
"No!" he yelled back, softening his voice again when the older teen in his arms cried harder. "No, HE did Tala. Voltaire did. Boris did…you saved me. You were the only one who ever cared enough—the only one who ever worried about me! How could you ever think that anything that happened to me was your fault?"
"Because I didn't stop it!" he hollered into his chest, hands fisted in the fabric of his shirt. "I could have ended it the day I found you! I could have…it could have all ended, but I was too afraid!"
Pulling Tala back, Kai took his face in his hands. It hurt him to see the redhead this way. His eyes red, his cheeks stained with the tears that seemed to endlessly cascade over the smooth skin, his sharp features creased in pain and frustration. Tala was still gripping his shirt; eyes shut tight, lips parted in gasping sobs.
"It wasn't your fault," he replied loudly. "IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT."
The other male couldn't answer. HE kept shaking his head, as if he couldn't believe what Kai was saying.
Momentarily, they were both lost…lost to the grief, pain and desperation of their past together. For a moment, Kai could think of nothing to do. He blinked, feeling hot tears trail down his own cheeks, over the dark ink that pierced his skin.
"IT WAS HIS FAULT!" he screamed suddenly, letting go of the redhead. "IT WAS ALL HIS FAULT!" Tala flinched, pulling away.
"Kai…"
"What do you want me to say Tala?" he cried desperately. "What can I do to make you believe me? I never once in my life thought that any of this was your fault. NOT ONCE! You were my anchor! If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be here right now! I wouldn't have had all of the opportunities to live that you gave me! I wouldn't have seen the sun before my death if it wasn't for you! What more can I say!"
And now they were both crying, silently, waiting for something to happen. Fire and ice clashed, water forming between them.
"Tell me that you forgive me." Crimson eyes widened in astonishment.
"W-What?"
"Tell me that you forgive me."
"I'll always forgive you Tala. For anything and everything—but not this. THIS WASN'T YOUR FAULT." Opening his arms, he waited for the taller male to move into them.
"Do you understand that? Can I ever make you understand that?" He closed his scared arms around his best friend, his savior, his angel, and prayed silently that Tala wouldn't fall because of him.
"I hate myself for this…that you would think…that I let you think that I could ever hold you responsible."
"Don't do that…" Tala sniffed loudly. He was still shaking, but his tears had ebbed, and he allowed himself to be cradled.
After that, neither of them said a word. A small bridge had formed between the two; it wasn't completed. But it was a start.
When Tala shifted, Kai brushed his fiery hair off of his damp face, running his hands through it, knowing that Tala loved it. Long dark lashes fluttered shut, but he didn't sleep. Kissing him lightly on the forehead, Kai hugged him close one more time.
"Why don't you take a shower?" he suggested quietly. Silently, the older of the two nodded, wiping at his face with his arm. For a moment he paused to look at said appendage, glaring at it.
"Damn." Kai furrowed his brows together.
"What is it?"
"My mascara's running." When he looked up, he and Kai shared a look. Crimson and sapphire blinked once, twice, three times…
In a split second they were laughing together, Kai playfully shoving his friend's arm away from his face.
"Go take you're shower," he chuckled, helping the redhead up. "I think you smudged your eyeliner too."
…
Kai smiled as he walked down the stairs. It was good to see Tala laugh again, although he did roll his eyes, thinking back to his remark.
"My mascara's running," he smirked, shaking his head. "Of all the…"
Stopping on the stairs he listened to the water turn on and he felt a strange sadness overtake him. He never wanted to see his best friend like that again, for any reason, least of all because of him. He vowed to make sure to that it wouldn't happen again, praying to any God that was listening to strike him down on the spot if he failed.
Tipping his head to the side until the bones in his neck cracked, he continued making his way into the kitchen, heading for the phone.
Now that he had his explanation, Rei needed one too.
…
The shrill ring of the phone alerted Max from where he was seated on the couch watching a documentary that happened to be on TV about white wolves. For a moment he considered letting the phone ring. He loved these things, and he was fascinated by wild animals. Suddenly an idea sparked in his mind and he picked up his notebook and hastily scribbled it down.
'Tyson is going to love this…'
The phone rang again, and he briefly considered his options. Rei had taken off for a few hours (understandably)…so deciding that he should get the messages himself, the American youth hopped the back of the couch and picked up the phone on its final ring.
"Hello, Max here, Rei is out."
"Max?" The blonde teen took a moment to register the voice that flowed through the speaker.
"Kai?" he responded intelligently. There was a sigh from the other end.
"Is Rei in?"
"No, he…left, I don't know where he went. He should be back soon though."
"Alright, thank you then." Gathering up his nerve, Max called into the phone.
"Kai wait! Rei told me about your friend, Tala, and I feel bad for what happened last night." There was a pause, and Maxie briefly thought that Kai had hung up on him.
"Why?" Taken aback, the younger teen sat himself down at the kitchen table before answering.
"Because, I obviously added to the problem, and he looked like he was going through a lot."
"It's fine," Kai answered curtly.
"Don't be angry at Rei. I didn't let him tell me everything." Sensing that the blunette was relaxing as well, he added, "and I just want to know if everything is alright now?"
If Max could see him, Kai would be staring blankly ahead, trying to decide how anyone could be so caring, after being left out and scared half-to-death. Rei was lucky, to have a friend like Max.
"Yeah," he answered softly, turning again to glance up the stairs. "I think he's going to be fine.
A sigh of relief passed over the line, and again Kai was confused by the amount of concern that this teen had for others. People who had intruded on his life. People he didn't even know.
"Well," the blonde started up again. "That's good to hear."
"And you know," he began quickly before Kai could answer. "If either of you ever need…a break or something, you're welcome anytime. I know things must be difficult for you and I'm positive that Rei would say the same thing."
Crimson eyes widened again for a fraction of a second. At first, he didn't know what to say, and the silence stretched on between them.
"I'm sorry," the other teen muttered after a while. "Maybe that was too forward of me." Kai shook his head suddenly before realizing that it was a stupid thing to do.
"No. Thank you for that." There was another awkward silence.
Looking around the apartment, Maxie's blue eyes scanned over the kitchen, living room, the bedrooms…everything was in order. He sweat dropped then, wondering why the hell he had so much time on his hands.
"If you like, I can figure something out," he voiced his thoughts suddenly. "Rei should be home soon. I'll have him call you then, and maybe you and him could meet up. Besides, this doesn't sound like anything that should be discussed over the phone." Kai considered this for a moment.
"What does that have to do with, 'figuring something out'?"
"Well, I want to apologize to Tala myself…I was thinking that if he'd like to, he could stay with me while you and Rei talk about…what ever it is that needs to be talked about."
Vaguely Kai realized that Max wasn't trying to intrude at all, like a nosy little roommate would. He respected Rei's privacy, as well as his, and didn't prod. Kai was extremely surprised by this fact, and noted that Max had just gained his respect in turn.
"I'll ask Tala. Rei will let you know when he calls back…." He stopped as if he had more to say. The blonde waited patiently.
"Thank you Max…" he answered quietly after a long pause. A soft smile spread over the American teen's pale pink lips.
"I'll see you around Kai." Hanging up the phone, he glanced out the window as he took his place on the couch again.
He didn't know what was going on, but he had seen the news reports, the theories and stories. He knew most of them weren't true…but he had seen Rei's name in the paper. And he had read the article involving Kai's grandfather and this…Boris? Was that his name? The sadistic scientist that had been Kai's "tutor"?
Reading that article on the front page made him cringe, because he knew that of all the reporters, Rei knew the truth. His heart had immediately clenched at the awful things he read about. He wouldn't pry, but he would help anyway that he could.
Rei had gotten his front page headline; he just hoped he hadn't gotten more than what he had asked for.
…
A/N: And there you have it. I hope I made everything painfully cringes at unintentional pun obvious for you. Now everyone knows what was bothering Tala and why Kai was so confused now right? If you don't…I've done something horribly, HORRIBLY wrong.
And if anyone can guess what Maxie wrote down while he watching TV, I'll give you a cookie. :)
Btw, I'm glad the name change didn't slip you guys up too much. I was kind of worried about that. In any case, let me know what you thought!
