Hello again everyone! I am back with an extra big update for you all!
I'm sorry to have kept you all waiting for so long. It seems like time just keeps slipping away from me. Part of it is gaming, I will cop to that. Since the last update we had new Pokemon and Kirby games, two series that are very dear to my heart. And of course there's Elden Ring which I've sunk like 40 hours into despite not even being halfway through the game, there's simply too much to explore!
The other part of it is just a general sense of fatigue though. Not with the story itself, but more with pretty much everything else around it. Life circumstances for me right now are... not terrible, but they haven't exactly been good either for a long while now and that starts to weigh on the mind after enough time.
Chapter 50: The Shepherds
When I was first told that I'd be spending most of my time in Gelida Dominus away from the other Shepherds in time out I expected it to be a brief stay. Sit around for a few days, maybe have a team meeting before we hit the road so everybody can deal with the whole… me situation, and then we'd travel back to Ylisstol where everybody could hate me in the comfort of their own home.
This plan, which I thought was rather solid, unfortunately fails to pan out. Because despite being a solid contender for Top Ten Clumsiest Assassins Raimi somehow managed to at least nail down the escape part of her plan so flawlessly that nobody has a damn clue where she vanished to. Henry and Tharja's attempt to track her with black magic failed to produce any results, Flavia's trackers can't find a trace of her, and there isn't a healer in all of Regna Ferox who's seen a woman with the kind of injuries Raimi left with.
As one might expect, that complete lack of progress has also led to a complete lack of progress in getting out of the damn keep. Nobody wants to move on until this situation is dealt with. Which means there hasn't been any pressing need to deal with all the other shit going on in the Shepherds right now.
This also means I have been basically living in Raimi's stupid meeting room for more than a week. Nothing's been done about the tension between me and the rest of the Shepherds. Which means I'm still forced to stay out of sight. Which means I'm still stuck getting my meals delivered and sleeping and shitting in a completely different part of the keep from everyone else. After a while that sort of thing starts to weigh on a guy.
Not that it's all bad. I'm far from the most popular person in the Shepherds right now, but as time goes on I am starting to find that I'm not quite as disliked as I thought. Gaius and Nowi are easily my most frequent visitors outside of my kids (and Cordelia, who falls into a grey area between family and friend that both of us remain hesitant to properly define), but there are others who come to check on me as time goes on. Henry likes to visit when he's not helping with the whole Raimi situation, Virion likes to stick his head in to say hello on occasion, and Robin comes to visit when he can spare the time (which is admittedly rare). Maribelle doesn't return to visit after her first appearance though, having stated on no uncertain terms that while she disagrees with Lissa's assessment of me the princess will always be her first priority. And Lissa needs Maribelle's friendship much more than I do right now.
There's also the occasional Shepherd who seems to want to talk to me but can't quite work up the nerve. Of these the ones I see hovering around the most often are Noire and Owain, if for different reasons. Owain's hesitation is likely because his mother still hates my guts, but Noire seems more worried about running into Severa. The secret Noire kept for Diana all those months ago still seems to weigh heavily on that friendship.
Unfortunately there's not much I can do about that while I'm stuck hiding on the other side of a keep from my fellow Shepherds. Instead all I can do is sit here in the company of whoever stops by to visit. At the moment that means… just Nowi, actually. Cordelia and Severa are taking some time to train, Gaius usually doesn't show up before noon, and Diana and Lumír are off running errands. That leaves me to entertain the dragon girl.
Though that does beg the question… "Hey, Nowi?"
"What's up?" Nowi looks up from across the table. The two of us have been playing Virion's favorite strategy game in here to occupy ourselves. By which I mean, a completely bastardized version of the game that consists mostly of us doing whatever the fuck we want since I can only barely play the game and Nowi can't be bothered to learn the rules. Despite this I'm still somehow kicking her butt, as Nowi's capacity for strategy is completely absent no matter how many rules you strip away.
"Why are you hanging around with me when you could be spending time playing games with the rest of the Shepherds?" I ask.
"Oh, that?" Nowi shrugs, "I dunno. You seemed like you could use all the friends you can get right now."
"You know that's for a pretty good reason, right?" I raise an eyebrow at her.
"Eh." Nowi says decisively, "I guess, but I don't actually care that much?"
"You… don't care," I blink taking my attention away from the game and staring at her in confusion.
"Not… really?" Nowi says, thinking it over, "I mean, I never actually met the Exalt. I saw like, half of her big speech but I barely even remember that because I was totally concussed at the time, and then she was dead, and that was it. I don't like how sad everyone else is about what happened, but it doesn't really mean much to me personally. And I don't think it makes sense to blame you for it either. You were kinda dumb about it but you still tried to stop it in your own way, right?"
"My way kinda sucked," I reply drily.
"Yeah," Nowi agrees easily, "Though all your plans were way too complicated if you ask me! I mean really, you guys should have just let me fly in and grab her and burn everyone! I don't like arrows very much but they don't hurt me nearly as bad as they hurt pegasus! But that's not the point! My point is… well I guess it's about perspective!"
I find myself leaning forward in my seat, "Your perspective in particular is quickly becoming very interesting to me Nowi. Could you elaborate on that?"
"Okay!" Nowi happily agrees, then scrunches her face up in thought, "So, everyone is getting really upset because of what you did. And it's not like they don't have a good reason to think you were dumb, but in the end, that's all you were. You did something dumb, and… that's it. But everybody is thinking about what might have happened if you didn't do something dumb and saying 'everything would have been so much better!' but they don't actually know that, do they? Nobody can know what would have happened, because it never actually happened. All that really happened is you tried to fix things but you did it in a way that nobody liked. And that happens to everybody at least once in their lives!"
"Does it really?" I reply unconvinced, my gaze dropping to the floor.
Nowi hops to her feet in an instant, leaning across the table to poke me in the forehead. I frown, looking back up at her and find myself surprised to see that the Manakete is looking me in the eyes with the most serious expression I've ever seen on her face.
"Yes," She declares, "It really does. I've seen it. More times than I could ever count!"
"…I suppose you would have, huh?" I reflect. How often we all forget: Nowi is not human. Despite her childlike looks she's over a thousand years old.
"Yup," Nowi says, smiling kindly, "In all the years I've been alive, I don't think I've ever met somebody who didn't make a dumb mistake at least once. And yeah, somebody died because of yours, but you know what? That happens all the time too. People die for all kinds of reasons way more often than anybody would like. It's just… how the world works. Unless you're like me, that is, because then you have to just watch it happen over and over again and get left behind."
A transformation seems to come over Nowi in that moment. Her smile doesn't budge an inch, but suddenly there's a weight there that I couldn't see before. Her eyes, her posture, the press of her hands against the table, all suddenly express a tiredness that's entirely foreign to me. Nowi the childlike magical being is suddenly gone. In her place is a being that has lived for centuries, and I realize only now that I've barely got even the slightest idea of what that truly means.
"…I gotta say, Nowi," I say leaning back in shock as the weight of her words and experience hits me, "You are a lot wiser than you let on."
And just like that, the illusion returns, and Nowi is back to beaming at me and bouncing in her seat like a child again. "Yup!" she says proudly, "I try to keep it a secret, but I actually know all kinds of stuff."
"Why keep it a secret?" I ask, looking on in interest.
"For one thing, nobody takes me seriously," Nowi shrugs, kicking her feet in the air, "I'm pretty sure my body just decided to stop growing a couple centuries too early or something, so people just look at me and see a dumb kid. When I say I know more than humans about pretty much anything they get all huffy. Or they freak out."
"Freak out? That seems excessive," I comment.
"Well the freaking out usually happens when I'm talking about sex stuff," Nowi explains, her expression growing mischievous as she takes in my rapidly paling face, "Yeah, exactly like that. Everyone always gets so worked up when they find out how much I know."
"You shouldn't know anything about that!" I choke out, looking towards the door as if a part of my brain is expecting the cops to come crashing through.
"Ben," the look Nowi gives me can only be described as fondly exasperated, "Most people can barely last until they're twenty before they try having sex. I have been alive for like, fifty times that long. I have experience."
"Nowi, I'm pretty sure anybody who would have sex with somebody who looks as young as you should probably be murdered slowly for sex crimes," I snarl.
"Only most of them," Nowi says, shrugging her shoulders, "Over the centuries I've gotten pretty good at figuring out who I can have a good time with and who should just get their house burned down. Preferably while they're in it!"
"Nowi you-" I cut myself off. I was going to say she's a child, but that expression from a few moments ago has suddenly hit me again.
"Only on the outside," Nowi answers my protest anyways, a knowing look in her eyes, "That's kinda my point, Ben. I can't help how I look. But how I look means everything to people. They look at me and they see a child. And that's how they've seen me for centuries. I could try to fight it, and I did for a while, but do you know what happened then?"
"…What?" I ask hesitantly, already having a guess as to the answer.
"The people who I spent years convincing I wasn't some stupid little girl died," Nowi says with a serious expression, "And guess what happened next? The next friends I made went right back to treating me like a child as if I hadn't just spent fifty years earning some respect as an adult. So, I figured I had two options. I could keep reliving the same argument with different people over and over again for the rest of my life. Or I could just stop caring about that and act childish, which is much more fun and much less stressful."
That does make a rather horrifying kind of sense, doesn't it? "That raises the question, though," I say, raising an eyebrow quizzically, "If you're so content to act like a child, then why tell me all this?"
"Because you asked, silly," Nowi giggles at that, "Everyone in the Shepherds knows what I am, even if most of them don't understand what that actually means. So if you sit there and ask me something seriously and I know how to help you it'd be pretty mean of me not to tell you!"
"Wow," I say, taking a moment to process that, "was that… your way of telling me off for keeping secrets just now? Because it sounded like you're trying to indirectly tell me what I should have been doing all this time."
"Well geez Ben, just take all the fun out of it why don't you?" Nowi says, rolling her eyes, "It's much more fun when I can say something subtle like that and watch people give me funny looks for the next week."
"We're not really having a conversation conducive to that sort of reaction," I point out.
"You say that, but when I go back to being a goofball you will start questioning whether you imagined this whole conversation," Nowi says, grinning impishly, "I've seen it all before."
"You're still planning on going back to acting like a kid after all this, huh?"
"Of course!" Nowi replies lightheartedly, "I told you already, remember? Acting like a kid all the time is much more fun. There are all kinds of perks to being immature."
"Are there really?" I prompt her bemusedly.
"Totally! For example…" Nowi raises a finger to her mouth, taking on a thoughtful expression, "Look at… our board game! You're winning right now, and I don't like that very much! Now, a mature adult would be forced to accept their loss gracefully and try harder next time. But since I'm acting like a kid… I can just do this!"
She flips the table in my face, sending the game flying. I shout in surprise, narrowly saving Virion's board, but while I'm setting it aside Nowi grabs a handful of pieces and throws them at my face. From there things escalate until the two of us are sheltered behind opposite couches, screaming elaborate threats and throwing pieces at each other while cackling like lunatics.
Credit where it's due: Nowi's use of the game is a lot more fun than my idea was. Especially when Virion comes in and sees what we're doing.
The next day sees the first notable change in my personal status quo since I got out of my cell. And it all starts when my room sees a sudden and unexpected visitor. He bursts in without so much as a knock, but comes to a sudden stop upon seeing us, an expression of bewilderment on his face.
"Khan Basilio," I blink in surprise as the man in question looks around, "I didn't know you were in Gelida Dominus. What brings you here?"
"Just arrived," Basilio grunts, gazing between me and the kids in confusion, "We're supposed to be having a meeting…"
Flavia arrives at that point, glaring daggers at the man, "Basilio you oaf! Don't just go wandering off like a simpleton! I'm using a different room for meetings right now, which you'd know if you didn't blow me off in my own damn keep!"
"Well why didn't you say so sooner?" Basilio lets out a booming carefree laugh, much to Flavia's clear frustration, "Lead the way Flavia."
Flavia rubs at her temples, grumbling to herself, then starts to move. She's barely taken two steps though before Basilio turns back to me, "You should probably be there for this one, pal."
"Me?" I blink in surprise. I look over at Severa in confusion, who just shrugs.
"Well you're a general, aren't you?" Basilio replies.
"Technically…" I say hesitantly.
"Come on then! War meeting!" Basilio declares.
I look over to Flavia, who has been watching the exchange with a thoughtful expression. After a moment she nods, "He's right, we'll probably need you for this one."
I still have my reservations, since I haven't heard anything from the Shepherds about a war meeting, and I'm not sure how welcome I'll be with everyone else. But I have both Khans telling me to follow, so I do the only smart thing. "Okay then," I nod, getting out of the chair and turning to Severa, "Don't get up to anything too crazy while I'm gone, okay?"
"I'm not making any promises, just in case Nowi shows up," Severa shakes her head, "But yeah, we'll be fine. Good luck."
I give her a smile that manages to be only slightly strained and head off down the hallway with the two Khans. It is… intensely uncomfortable, knowing that I'm travelling with two people that could effortlessly dismantle me if they wanted to. I mean, the only people I know who could take these two on are Gregor and possibly Frederick, but I find myself far more aware of it than I normally would be with all that's going on.
"So, Ben," Basilio speaks up, as if to prod at my already fraying nerves, "Never actually spoken with you before. You did a good job in that last battle."
"If this is about Gangrel, I wasn't actually the one who killed him. That's just a bunch of rumors getting out of hand," I say dismissively.
"You don't say?" Basilio hums at that, "Well that's fine, wasn't just talking about that part. I was also talking about that fort you tore down. I thought I made damn good time taking Fort Zera, so I was pretty goddamn surprised when I found out you nearly beat me."
"And I didn't even have a Manakete helping me," I can't help but point out.
"Ha! From what I heard those dark mages you're friends with were about as destructive on their own," Basilio says, chuckling good naturedly.
"True enough," I concede the point. For all the good work Kellam and the others did in fighting their way to those gates it was definitely Tharja and Henry who did the most damage in that part of the battle.
Basilio nods along, "So there you go, a win for me, fair and square! But then you had to go off and fight the Mad King himself and completely upstage me. Even if you say you didn't actually kill the bastard," he looks over at me curiously, "You really didn't kill him?"
"No. I killed several of his guard, but when I fought Gangrel himself it was completely one sided. That stupid lightning sword of his gives him far too much of an advantage in melee. The only reason we won that fight is because one of the other Shepherds stabbed him in the back before he could finish me off."
"I see," Basilio nods in understanding, "Yeah those magic weapons can be difficult to deal with if you don't know the trick to fighting them. Hell, they're difficult even if you do know the trick."
"That's because there isn't a trick at all," Flavia says, scowling at her fellow Khan, "You just dodge until you can hit them."
"You'll never last trying to fight like that," Basilio shakes his head, "Magic swords are devilish things. You can't deflect them and they have an advantage no matter what range you try to fight them at. I've fought a few people who used them over the years and they were consistently some of the most difficult fights of my life. Best thing I've found for dealing with them is sleight of hand."
"Sleight of hand?" I look over at Basilio in interest.
"That's right," Basilio nods, "See, the one flaw a magic weapon has is that they're simply too powerful. Barely sounds like a flaw at all, I know, but I'm being damn serious here. There isn't a weapon out there that can match up, aside from maybe your Prince's fancy sword. It makes a person overconfident, wielding a weapon like that. They're holding a tool so powerful that even an unseasoned rookie could overcome a practiced veteran by wielding it. And so when you fight somebody with a magic sword you just have to wait until that moment where they know they have the upper hand in the engagement…"
He flicks his hand and suddenly he's holding three throwing knives between his fingers. I blink in surprise and he grins, waving them for emphasis, "Yeah, they never saw it coming either. Until I planted one of these in their eye socket, that is!"
I make a mental note to have Gaius teach me knife throwing once I resume training. From the look on Flavia's face she's making a similar mental arrangement. "Now that I think about it Gregor was pretty skilled with throwing knives as well," I comment, remembering the time he effortlessly turned one of Gaius' knives back on him.
"He's the one who taught me!" Basilio says with a chuckle, "I may be better than Gregor in a proper duel but I've never met anyone who knows more dirty tricks for settling a fight than him. Hell, considering I've been stuck dealing with politics for years while he's still been working as a mercenary, I wouldn't be surprised if he was stronger than I am by now. Though don't go telling him that!" He booms with laughter.
"In here," Flavia interrupts, walking towards a set of double doors that has two guards posted outside. One of them moves at her approach to open the door for us, and I'm brought into Flavia's war room.
Immediately I can see why Flavia and Basilio wanted me here for this. The far wall of the room is covered in maps, and while some depict the Feroxi coastline the vast majority are of Valm. Though given that they all seem to be called Valentia, it seems a safe assumption that none of these maps are current. It would seem that the Khans have decided to make the most of things while we're all here, and discuss my predictions for the future.
Though, judging by the surprised expressions of everyone else in the room, my inclusion in this meeting wasn't discussed beforehand. Chrom's look of shock when he sees me is almost comical. "Ben!" He exclaims, leaning back in his seat, "What are you doing here?"
"I stumbled across him on my way over here and decided to bring him along," Basilio says, raising an eyebrow at Chrom's reaction, "He is a general, isn't he?"
"Yes," Robin says absentmindedly, poring over another map with Virion.
"No." Frederick protests, glaring at me.
"It's under review," Chrom declares, giving Frederick a warning look.
"Under review?" Basilio looks around as if there's some sort of joke he hasn't been let in on.
"Perhaps you've missed the rumors, but I'm something of a pariah around here at the moment," I say dryly, not moving far from the door. The Khans are probably right that I'd be helpful at this meeting, but if Basilio hasn't even been informed of the shit I've been up to I shouldn't expect to remain.
"Ah, right, that." Basilio nods, "Well, even if he isn't a general, he's involved in damn near everything I came all this way to talk about, so I want him here anyways."
"I must object to this," Frederick shakes his head, "Ben cannot be trusted after what he's done. Bringing him into a war meeting is a terrible mistake."
"Are you dense man?" Basilio stares at Frederick incredulously, "The whole reason we're planning for this war with Valm is because of Ben's say-so. If you can't trust him then why the hell am I here?"
"The stories of Valm's warmongering have been corroborated by an outside source," Frederick explains, gesturing to Virion, "Virion is the duke of Rosanne, one of many nations to have fallen to Walhart."
"Indeed," Virion nods grimly, "It is no exaggeration to say that this meeting provides a chance which I have awaited for several years."
"Unfortunately your wait will not be coming to a close for some time yet," Robin says, looking up from his map, "We simply don't have the means to fight another war right now."
"Of course, of course!" Virion smiles and flourishes, "I did not acquire my considerable knowledge of warfare and tactics without learning the basics of building a proper army, my friend! But even so, to see the leaders of such great nations gathered together to combat this threat as one… it does bring me no small amount of satisfaction." His eyes narrow as he says this, his smile becoming something far more vengeful than usual.
"Well, since that's settled then, let's talk about what we need to do going forwards," Flavia says, moving to her place at the head of the table, "We've got a lot to do in the wake of this damn war, especially if there's another one on the horizon."
"Yes, two years is not nearly enough time to recover from what the war with Gangrel cost us," Chrom shakes his head grimly, "Ylisse was caught completely unprepared, and we've suffered heavy losses to most of our military assets. The pegasus knights in particular will likely have to be built up completely from scratch and without even proper guidance, unless Cordelia should be blessed with a miraculous recovery."
"It's possible she might be able to serve as an instructor from the ground," Robin comments, "Cordelia may not be able to fly at the moment, but her eyes are as sharp as ever. And Sumia's abilities have advanced by leaps and bounds. I realize that she will soon be busy in her new duties as queen, but I'm sure we can find a way to ease those burdens enough for her to assist."
"Both of those ideas have merit," Chrom nods, "I'll discuss it with them after the meeting is over. Frederick, I'll be counting on you to bring our cavalry back to full capacity. And as for our infantry…"
"I am more than capable of handling both matters, my Lord," Frederick bows his head.
"Don't be ridiculous, you'll work yourself to death doing that!" Chrom shakes his head, "At least have some of the Shepherds help you."
"Stahl would be best for helping with the cavalry," I interject, "He handled things brilliantly after you were brought down by Gangrel. If not for him your cavaliers would have been completely decimated."
Frederick glares at me, but nods all the same, "I have heard much the same from the others. It's clear he has the composure necessary to serve well in this role." The entire time he says this he continues to make angry eye contact with me, as if he resents me for giving good advice. Honestly he probably does resent me for that. Hard to pretend I don't exist when I'm saying so many reasonable things.
"Thankfully, our greatest assets managed to escape the war relatively unharmed," Robin continues, artfully dodging the tension in the room, "Ylisse's magical users suffered the fewest casualties in this war by far. They mostly served a defensive role in the war, and… well. We all know how difficult it is to combat a trained spellcaster in a proper defensive position."
"Unless I am there to remove them, of course!" Virion boasts.
"He's not wrong," I comment, "Well, speaking of having our mages defend, we should ready a similar strategy with Basilio."
"What, you're going to lend me some mages?" Basilio asks.
"Not my call to make, but I think it would be a good idea," I nod. "We may be preparing ourselves for war with Valm, but we can't afford to take the offensive. Not to begin with at least. After how the war with Plegia went it's clear we need to take every fucking minute we can get building ourselves back up. Even if we know it's coming the war is still going to start when they say so."
"I agree," Robin nods, "From what I've seen it's clear that Ylisse is in desperate need of a complete military reform, and I need time to make sure this is done right. If we rush the process in an attempt to stop Valm's initial attack I fear that we will be woefully unprepared for the war itself."
"So you're saying there's not much we can do to stop Valm from attacking my cities on the coast," Basilio scowls.
"Stopping such an attack would involve pushing our schedule forward by months at least, and Ylisse needs every damn day it can get," Robin says grimly, "But while we can't stop the attack, with our mages working with your soldiers we can greatly dull the impact of their initial assault."
"That makes sense," Flavia agrees, "Normally I would say that military work on the scale you're considering would be impossible in the time we have, but with you lot in charge it should just be doable."
"Damnit. Put like that I suppose I can't really argue, can I?" Basilio groans, rubbing at his head. After a moment though he plucks a map of western Ferox off the table and starts looking it over consideringly, "Well then I guess I'll have to take the brunt of the work. Just because you lot can't assist us doesn't mean I'm going to just roll over and let the damn Valmese ride all over me!"
"Military reform or not, you have my word that Ferox will have all the help I can muster when the time comes," Chrom says firmly. Robin sends Chrom a slightly despairing look at that, but it's clear from the resignation in his eyes that he knows this is one of those things the prince won't be changing his mind on. Chrom is going to do what he think is right regardless of the logistics involved. And Robin's job is to make it work.
It's a good thing Robin is so damned good at his job because he's really getting the short end of the stick here.
"So, we won't be dooming the world or anything by pounding Valm into the dirt when they show up, will we?" Flavia asks, looking over to me curiously.
"Would it stop you if I said you would be?" I ask.
"Hell no. I'm just curious about all this stuff," Flavia shrugs, "All this knowing the future shit you can apparently do. And this whole Grima thing you Ylisseans are all preparing for."
"That's fair," I nod thoughtfully, "So, let me start by saying, according to all knowledge I have, Valm's initial attack is doomed to failure regardless of what I say or do. By all accounts they're driven back before they've had a chance to even make a proper foothold in Ferox. That said, most of my knowledge of that invasion is utterly worthless from the perspective of logistics."
"How so?" Chrom asks, looking at me curiously.
"Short version: narrative liberties were taken most liberally," I say with a dry smile, "Long version: in this part of the story Khan Flavia receives word from Basilio that Valm is invading, sends word to the Shepherds for assistance, and somehow Chrom arrives in time to help drive them out before they've finished getting off their damn boats."
There's a moment of silence as everyone stares at me in disbelief.
"Are you fucking kidding me!?" Robin exclaims in outrage, "What kind of imbecile wrote this story? Have they zero concept of travel times!? Any proper invasion force from Valm would have taken half of Western Ferox by the time we'd heard of it! No offense, Basilio."
"Some taken," Basilio replies dryly.
"By all accounts they have zero concept of travel times at all," I push past Basilio's protest to focus on Robin's questions, "If things happened according to the schedule presented in the story I know, we'd probably have wrapped up the war with Gangrel in like, a week. I believe I've told you all this before: only the broader strokes of what I know of events are reliable. Dates, troop numbers, logistics, all of my knowledge of everything beyond the Shepherds is stuff that I've had to learn since coming to this world."
"Huh," Basilio says thoughtfully, "I suppose that's about what we should expect from a guy basing his knowledge on a bedtime story."
"That's… actually a pretty damn good way to put it, yeah," I nod along, "Anyways, yeah, the closest I have to a date is that whole two year deadline we're working with."
"Let me just confirm something here, two years from when?" Robin asks, "Was it from the end of the war, or is there some other event you can think of that this stretch of time begins from?"
"Did he not just say that he is unaware of the specifics?" Virion asks, raising an eyebrow.
"Yes, but if there's a general event we can point at to say 'this is where our timer starts,' it could be helpful to know. I'd like to know whether we're already months into our allotted time or if we still have some leeway," Robin explains.
"I mean… I'd still hesitate to rely on any sort of information I give regarding dates, but from what I remember…" I pause for a moment to think staring up at the ceiling, "I think Valm's invasion happens roughly two years after Chrom and Sumia get married."
"Does that mean I could buy us some time by delaying our wedding?" Chrom asks curiously, "If it meant saving the realm from further harm I'm sure Sumia would understand."
"No," I say certainly, "It doesn't work like that Chrom. Valm's invasion isn't in any way caused by your marriage, so that two years would have the same starting point regardless of when you get married. Assuming the timeline I know is correct we should make sure your wedding plans are altered as little as possible to make sure we have as accurate an idea of when Valm reaches us as possible. Besides, even if Sumia would understand, the people wouldn't be so understanding when your fiancé has a child out of wedlock. I'm sure there's plenty of nobles who will take issue with the timing of your heir's birth as it is."
Chrom grimaces at that, "You're right, I wasn't thinking."
"Neither of you were," Flavia interjects bemusedly, "Considering you failed to remember Basilio and I had no idea Ylisse had a royal heir already on the way."
"…Fuck!" I hiss in frustration. Chrom groans in agreement. Robin claps a hand to his head in exasperation. I can practically feel Frederick glaring at me from across the room.
Basilio chuckles at our reactions, "Couldn't wait any longer, huh Chrom? Ah, you kids, always so impatient!"
"If it makes you feel any better, Regna Ferox doesn't put much stock in that sort of thing to begin with," Flavia remarks, looking equally amused, "And we know how to keep our traps shut."
"Your discretion is appreciated," Chrom mutters, letting his head fall to the table.
"I'm so sorry dude," I moan, clutching at my head in frustration, "That was really stupid of me."
"It's fine," Chrom replies, head not leaving the table, "They'd have figured it out when we announced the birth anyways."
"Perhaps we should be turning our attention back to more appropriate matters," Virion tactfully interjects, "We have established that Khan Basilio will have Ylissean mage support in the defense of his ports and have a rough idea of the time of the invasion. Are there any other ways we might tip the scales further in our favor?"
"Establish a proper way to fight back, first of all," Robin says, eagerly leaping upon the change in topic, "If memory serves Ben's story had us procure ships from Plegia. Could we start upon that now rather than waiting?"
"That would not work, for several reasons," Frederick shakes his head, "The first is that we have already largely settled the matter of reparation payments with Plegia's remaining officials. We could ask them to pay in ships, but such a sudden change in arrangements would not go unnoticed by the Grimleal. And if we were to add warships to our demands after already writing a treaty Plegian attitudes towards us could easily sour again and reignite the war."
I nod grimly in agreement. Normally the loser of a war would be expected to do more than simply give from their coffers. It should mean preferential trade agreements and forced demilitarization of the losing nation at the very least. But since our victory was purely based on morale we have to be careful with our demands. Plegia's army remains far greater than those of Ferox and Ylisse, and that will remain the case until Robin can enact his reforms. "From what I know Plegia will be more than willing to part with their ships when the time comes anyways," I add.
"Just like that, huh?" Flavia says skeptically.
"Valm is as much a threat to them as it is to us," I explain, "And by funding our war against them they improve their position immensely. Regardless of who wins the end result will be in their favor. One of the two great forces that would stop them is destroyed, the other is weakened, and all it costs them is some boats and gold. Boats and gold that will be rendered worthless when Grima is summoned anyways, as far as they're concerned."
"Ugh, the bastards have it all figured out, don't they?" Flavia grimaces, "Is there nothing we can do to stop them? Take the fight to them before they have a chance to summon a damn god to their side?"
"No, because if we try to stop the Grimleal early we'll be fighting a war on two fronts," I say.
Virion is quick to back me up, "Ben is quite correct on this. I know from experience that Valm's leader is not a rational man. To Walhart the only options are death or surrender. Even a temporary truce would be a concession that he would not allow. If we direct our attention to Plegia then it is Valm who will see it as an opportunity to claim victory over the both of us."
"Damned if we do, damned if we don't," Basilio sighs, "Considering their goals though, would it not still make sense to handle Plegia first though? They're both looking to bring us down, but I'd say genocide is a higher priority than a conqueror."
"You're not wrong," I concede, "But there's something you don't know. The reason the Grimleal are staying their hand. There's another reason they're so willing to send us to war with Valm: the Fire Emblem."
"Ylisse's sacred treasure?" Chrom sits up attentively, "Are you saying they intend to use the war as an opportunity to steal it?"
"Not quite," I shake my head, "The war is a chance to rebuild it. The missing gemstones of the Fire Emblem are scattered, some here in Archanea, and some across the ocean in Valm. They intend to have us put the Fire Emblem back together so they can claim its power for themselves and remove our greatest weapon against Grima. They hold one of the gemstones themselves and will attempt to use it as leverage to claim the rest."
"And we can't get the gemstone from them first for the same reason we can't bother them for ships," Basilio grimaces, "The Grimleal will just threaten to restart the war if we try. Damnit all, we've got no choice but to play along with this script of yours, don't we? Our hands are tied!"
"I can't think of any way to stop them right now, no. Even if I had the balls to tell you all about my knowledge months ago I don't think it would help with this. I don't know where they keep it, but I have no doubt the Grimleal have as tight a grasp on their gemstone as one could possibly imagine. We'd never be able to claim it without destroying the Grimleal in its entirety."
"Then it seems we have but one course ahead of us," Robin concludes, looking around at the rest of us, "We must stay the course, prepare for war with Valm as best as we can, and use what little knowledge we have of events to come to ensure the scales stay balanced in our favor. We have two years to prepare. Let us ensure we make the most of them."
The meeting concludes shortly after that, with the Khans leaving to begin enacting their own preparations. A successful end to what will no doubt be the first of many such war councils in the coming years.
"I think that went well, for the most part!" Chrom says once they've gone on their way, echoing my own thoughts, "It's a long road ahead of us still, but at the very least we have the makings of a plan to traverse it."
Robin nods in agreement, but there's a bitterness in his expression, "It did go well, yes. Thanks in no small part to the Khans showing better sense than we did and bringing the right people to this meeting!" He turns to Chrom, plainly frustrated, "Do you see now why I said we should have called Ben here for this? Without his perspective we'd have been talking about this for hours yet!"
"That doesn't change the fact that he shouldn't have been allowed to attend!" Frederick interjects, "Regardless of what he knows it is the height of stupidity to invite a known traitor into a war meeting!"
"Enough!" Chrom interjects with the frustration of a man who has been forced to have this conversation far too many times already, "Frederick, you have made your point clear and I understand your reasoning, but Robin is right. Ben may be distrusted by many of the Shepherds right now, but his knowledge is invaluable. And whatever his faults he is still one of our generals!"
"I thought that was under review?" I comment, raising an eyebrow.
"Consider it officially reviewed," Chrom says, leaving no room for argument despite Frederick's clear wishes, "If I had any doubts remaining as to your qualifications this meeting has removed them. Whatever happens going forward I fully intend to have you remain as the tactical asset you have proven yourself to be."
"…By your will then," I say, feeling compelled to give a more formal answer in the face of Chrom's clear sign of trust, "I swear to you I will do everything in my power to ensure you don't regret this."
"I know you will," Chrom says, giving me a smile that is tired, but genuine. It fades a moment later as he continues, "With that being said though, there is the other matter that needs to be addressed. Your position in the Shepherds."
"You're kicking me out?" I ask, my heart dropping.
"Maybe," Chrom says, expression grim, "I've been thinking on this a great deal Ben. I said I trust you before, and I meant it. But even if I do trust you, I can't ignore the misgivings of so many of our friends. This isn't like the situation with Gaius, you're being judged for actions taken after joining us. There is no denying that you betrayed us, regardless of your intentions. If enough of them want you out, I can't justify stamping out their wishes in favor of my own."
"You're right," I say, chest feeling tight with anxiety, "So… what will you be doing then?"
"I'll be holding a meeting tomorrow night, one last meeting before we can finally make our return to Ylisse. We'll have much to discuss, with all the revelations that have occurred recently. And… we'll decide whether you still have a place with the Shepherds then."
Chrom's meeting is held in a room not that much larger than the meeting room I've been spending most of my time in for the past week and a half. As one might expect, that means that once all the Shepherds are squeezed in things start to feel a bit claustrophobic. The room itself is nice enough, with the typical Feroxi décor of furs and ornamental weaponry hung on the walls, and a chandelier glowing merrily overhead. Chrom stands in front of a fireplace that burns brightly to ward of the cold and dark of falling night, and the windows are left slightly open to ensure the room doesn't become too hot. The room is filled with soft furniture, with extra chairs brought in so that as many Shepherds as possible can sit comfortably.
And yet in spite of these comforts nobody rests easily. There is a tension here like nothing I have ever seen from the Shepherds, even on the eve of battle. Expressions are hardened, postures are stiff. At the front of the room Chrom stands before the fireplace looking as though carved from stone. Behind him Frederick looms in the corner, his expression somehow even darker. There is not a doubt in the minds of anyone here; whatever happens will affect the Shepherds deeply and in ways they can only begin to imagine.
All because of my actions.
By Chrom's request I am one of the last to arrive at the meeting, entering just before he calls it to order and swiftly moving to the back corner. The eyes of the other Shepherds follow me, their gazes like fire against my skin, but I can't bring myself to meet them. Not yet. Instead I move to sit with my family and friends, who gather around me protectively.
A moment later the last two Shepherds arrive, Panne and Virion. They separate as soon as they come in, Virion moving to sit near me with a reassuring smile. Panne, on the other hand, doesn't spare anyone in the room a glance, simply leaning against the wall next to the exit, closing the door behind her as she settles herself.
The moment Panne stops moving Chrom seems to come alive, looking around the room at everyone present. "Shepherds," he says solemnly, "I have called you here to discuss matters of great importance. Matters which a great many of you have come to speak with me personally about. There has been no shortage of uncertainty and strife within the Shepherds, even with the end of this war. And all of that tension can be traced back to one thing. A secret, one which I have been keeping from most of you for months now, ever since the night our home was attacked by Grimleal assassins."
The others shift uneasily at this, likely expecting as I had that this meeting would be primarily about me. Muttering begins to spring up amongst others in the group, particularly those outside of my little cluster of friends and loved ones, the ones who don't already know what Chrom is about to reveal. Finally the tension becomes too much for Vaike, who stands to his feet and gestures angrily in my direction, "Hey, I thought this was about-"
"Grima is returning."
Chrom's voice cuts through the room like a knife, striking Vaike and the others silent. He looks around to make sure he has everyone's attention, then nods, "Some of you haven't been here long enough to remember that night, so I will explain. The second battle of the war between Ylisse and Plegia took place when a Grimleal High Priest by the name of Validar brought a small army to Ylisstol and infiltrated our castle, with the intent of killing Exalt Emmeryn. He was foiled primarily thanks to two people. The first was Panne, who managed to kill the High Priest and saved a great many lives in the process," He nods to Panne, who does nothing to acknowledge him. Seeing this he pushes on, "The second was a young woman who called herself Marth. She and several good allies came to our rescue the night of the invasion, saving me from a potentially crippling injury and aiding in the defense of the Exalt until the enemy was finally brought down."
He nods, "This was the third time Marth and I had met, and on that night she told me a story. The story of a world consumed by the dead, made powerless before the wrath of the Fell Dragon. She was born into that world. Raised in that world. Learned to fight in that world. And eventually, when the world was pushed to the brink of utter destruction, she fled that world with her allies. They came backwards through time, and arrived here with the intent of ensuring their dark future never came to pass."
"Is… is this some sort of joke?" Sully asks, staring at Chrom in bewilderment, "How are we supposed to believe any of this?" It's a sentiment I see echoed amongst most of the others who haven't been let in on the secret yet. Can't say I blame them. This is a big claim to simply accept on faith.
Thankfully Chrom seems to have a plan for this already, looking out at the crowd, "Owain, could you step forward please?"
Owain nods and rises from his seat, moving to stand next to his uncle. He turns to face everyone and begins to tug at his right bracer, "You all know me as Owain, a wandering swordsman who came to your aid during the final battle against Grima and struck the mad king down. But the truth is far greater than that. Observe!" He pulls his bracer aside, revealing the brand of the Exalt on the back of his wrist, "This is no tattoo, nor is it a scar. It is the Brand of the Exalt, same as the one upon Chrom's arm. I am of the same royal bloodline as he is… indeed, I am his nephew, and the son of Exalt Lissa come from the future to avert the coming destruction."
"You serious? Wait, Exalt Lissa!?" Vaike turns to Lissa in bewilderment, along with most of the room.
"It's true, apparently," Lissa says, an embarrassed smile on her face, "I only just found out a few days ago. But I believe him. The brand is real."
"But if you're the Exalt in the future, then that means…" Stahl looks back to Chrom, who nods grimly.
"Your suspicions are correct Stahl. In that alternate future I am long dead. I died in the same battle that saw Grima's resurrection," Chrom states, "From that moment onward we were doomed to fight in a losing war, one that eventually led to the fall of all of humanity."
"And our final desperate journey into the past," Owain continues, "At the peak of Mount Prism we were granted a final opportunity by Naga, not to slay Grima, but to grant the world a second chance. Marth chose to take that chance, and led us through an Outrealm Gate into a world where Grima had not yet ascended. Unfortunately the journey was perilous, and we were scattered."
"And… it's going to happen to us as well?" Donnel asks uncertainly, "That Fell Dragon's gonna come back and… we're all gonna die?"
Seeing Donnel look so frightened I nearly break my silence. He isn't one of my kids but I've still been looking after him whenever I could since he joined the Shepherds. Robin catches my eye before I can offer any reassurance though, silently telling me to hold my tongue for now. Clearly he and Chrom have a plan for how they want this conversation to go, and they don't want me drawing attention too early.
"I can't speak as to what will happen with the Fell Dragon, not yet," Owain shakes his head, "But as to the deaths of the Shepherds, we have already fared far better than in my timeline. By the end of the war against Plegia in my timeline several Shepherds had already fallen."
"…Wait, you're saying some of us are supposed to be dead?" Vaike says quietly, finally falling back into his seat, "That ain't funny. Who was it? No, wait, don't say it. I don't even wanna think about that."
"I think that's for the best," Chrom says solemnly, "My friends, I am not telling you this so that you will be trapped in despair at thoughts of a world that will not come to pass. We are soldiers. We all went into battle knowing we might face our death. This world which Owain and the others came from may be more real than that sort of hypothetical, but I want you to treat them the same. It is just another possibility. A dark one, but one we must strive to prevent. One we will prevent. Now that the war against Plegia is over I would have us turn our attention not to the past, or another world of other possibilities. We must look forward, to a future where Grima is dead and our children can inherit more from us than just a world of burdens."
There's a rousing cheer from the others, but Chrom's expression remains grim, "Thank you everyone. I know this is no small thing I'm asking of you all. And if we are to succeed in defeating Grima and putting an end to this evil once and for all, we have to do it as one. But that brings us to another issue."
I feel my stomach drop as I realize what Chrom is driving at. It's time for the part of the conversation I really wasn't looking forward to.
"I will not mince words with you all. The Shepherds are divided. Our sense of unity has never been weaker. And I know you all know why." He turns to me, expression empty of emotion, "Ben, please come forward."
I find myself suddenly wishing Chrom had given me some idea of what his plan was for this meeting. I didn't expect him to bring me forward like this. What's his goal here? Despite my fear though, I rise to my feet and walk forward on shaky legs, stopping once I'm face to face with Chrom. I try to keep calm, but from the way Chrom's eyes soften as they meet mine it's clear that my fear is showing in my face.
"Ben, I know that you're frightened right now, but regardless of what's happened, you have friends here," He says quietly, placing a hand on my arm, "And regardless of what happens next, that will still be true. I believe in you, in spite of everything. We have to give them a chance to do the same."
I try to muster a smile at his encouragement, but nothing comes. The most I can manage is a shaky nod. It sounds so compelling, when he says it like that, but Chrom's capacity for trust is in a league all its own. Still, I let Chrom turn me around, to face the others by his side. I can do that much for him. I can't bring myself to meet their eyes though. Instead I fall back on my years as a drama student, fixing my eyes on a point above their heads, and determinedly avoiding their gazes.
"It is an open secret amongst the Shepherds that Ben is not from our world. He is a traveller from beyond the Outrealm Gate, one from a land very different from our own. One with stories of our world, stories which he had us believe were meaningless. Empty tales for children. But the truth is greater than that, isn't it Ben?"
"It- it is," I reply, nodding stiffly, "The truth is, the story I was told, the one about Chrom and the Shepherds, was about… about all of this. The war against Plegia, the battles yet to come, and the return of Grima. The, uh, the children coming from the future as well. I knew about all of it. Including…" I swallow thickly as I try to push the next part out, "Including E-Emmeryn."
The room fills with outraged muttering at that, but Chrom pushes past it, "Whatever the rumors you all have heard in the past weeks, this is the truth. It is a truth that was known to many of the Shepherds before those rumors began to spread. Ben admitted all of this to myself and the other leaders of the Shepherds in Auream Dominus."
"What the hell?" Sully shouts, jumping to her feet, "You've been hiding something like this from us this whole time!? What the hell kind of person does something like that?"
"A cowardly one," I reply immediately, "In the story I knew, you all killed Grima, and saved the world. And I thought if I tried to change everything, that it could ruin that. Could set this world on the road to ending up just like the one the kids escaped from. So rather than take that risk I chose the easier option and just… said nothing."
"And in so doing damned the lives of a great many people," Frederick replies, finally stepping forward.
"Frederick," Chrom says warningly.
"I apologize Milord, on this matter alone I cannot bring myself to heed you," Frederick says, face stony, "There can be no mincing of words: in withholding his knowledge Ben has committed nothing short of treachery. His inaction left our plan to save Emmeryn woefully inadequate. It left our Pegasus Knights helpless to defend against the ambush that claimed their lives. The cost of his cowardice shall be felt in Ylisse for decades to come. And with that being the case I must insist that we move to cast Ben out of the Shepherds."
"Frederick!" Chrom snaps angrily.
"I agree with Frederick."
Chrom is struck silent at the sudden declaration, not just because it was made but because of who made it. I can relate. Even though I thought it likely that things would go this way, seeing it play out in front of me has me feeling sick to my stomach.
"Lissa?" Chrom says, gaping at his younger sister in shock. "You're siding with Frederick? I knew you were upset, but…"
"I'm sorry Chrom. And… I'm even sorry to you Ben," Lissa says, eyes watery, "I wish I didn't feel this way, I really do, but… you're the reason I can't see my sister. Gangrel might have been the one who tried to kill her, but you're the one who took her away from me. And I just… I can't stand it. I've tried but I can't."
"Hold on now Lissa," Stahl interjects, looking between the two of us uncomfortably, "I don't think what Ben's done is right, but saying he's responsible for what Gangrel did is a little much even if he did fail to stop it!"
"To hell with that!" Sully snaps, "We're supposed to be on the Shepherds to save lives! As far as I'm concerned if you just sat back and did nothing while Gangrel was getting ready to kill her that's as bad as sending her to her death yourself!" She glares at me, "You know what, I'm with Frederick and the Princess on this. Anyone who sits back and just lets innocent people die isn't fit to call themselves a Shepherd, no matter what the reason!"
"Then perhaps I shall leave as well," Panne interjects from the doorway.
The room is shocked into sudden silence.
"…What?" I eventually said, "Panne, you're-"
"I am responsible for letting people die through inaction," Panne says, cutting me off. She moves away from the wall, expression twisted in grief and anger, "It happened on the day you Ylisseans came to make sport of my kind. The last day of the Taguel people. Before you had captured us one or two at a time for your hunts, but that day you manspawn decided such murder was not enough to sate your bloodlust. You gathered in great numbers to butcher us to the last. A hunt to end all hunts. We fled, scattering in all directions, and soon I was alone. Tired. And so very afraid. I found a hollow beneath an old tree and hid there, to recover and wait for the hunters to leave. And there I waited in the dirt while your people hunted us down all around me. Their screams haunt me still."
Sully looks horrified at the story, as does everyone else in the room. After a moment she looks towards me, and remembers her anger. "That's completely different though!" She protests, "Weren't you a child when that happened? You can't be held accountable for that!"
"Then shall I recount every time I have made such decisions since that day? Make no mistake, I have borne witness to no small number of atrocities over the course of my life. Murder, pillaging, rape, I have seen it all, and all too often turned my eyes. Decided that my life and my grudge against mankind was worth more than my morality. Even the night your Exalt was to be assassinated I thought of walking away. Had that fool over there," she points towards Henry who giggles at the attention, "not convinced me to come to her aid, I would happily have allowed you manspawn to continue butchering each other until not a soul was left."
Panne's sharp eyes move across the room, glaring everyone into submission, "Does this admission provoke in you this same sense of betrayal? Do you not see now the path you would lead us on? No? Then I shall continue. You would cast Ben out for his craven actions, and for failing to meet the standards you have envisioned for yourselves. Those standards are nothing more than manspawn delusions. To cast out the lesser of your species is the way of beasts, regardless of what empty lies you tell yourselves. And to set such an example once is to expose everyone here to such folly. Once it has been decided that we might cast out the unworthy at what point do we stop? Shall I be next for my hatred of your kind? Perhaps we shall remove this dark mage for taking joy in his twisted acts, and shirk all responsibility for what he might do without anyone to teach him better?"
"Hey just because we want Ben out doesn't mean we're just going to start getting rid of anyone who we don't agree with!" Vaike protests, "He's a traitor, that's completely different."
"I see no difference. Present whatever reason you shall, I will have no part in a group which would turn upon itself so easily," Panne replies coldly, "I have remained this long because I believed this group had a fellowship beyond what I have experienced from humans before. If you are so determined to prove my judgement wrong, then I shall leave. It is that simple."
The room is once more struck silent at that.
"…Does anyone else have something to say on the matter?" Chrom eventually asks, looking unnerved.
Gaius raises a hand, "Yeah I'll say something. I don't have a big sob story like Panne but I feel the same as her. If Chuckles goes, I go."
"Gaius, don't be a fool!" Maribelle snaps, glaring at him across the room, "The only reason you aren't being prosecuted for your actions the night of the attempted assassination is your position in the Shepherds! If you leave you'll be hunted as a criminal again!"
"Well, good thing we're having this discussion here instead of in the capital where all the city guards are around to chase me," Gaius jokes, "Sorry Twinkles, but I mean it. I didn't join the Shepherds because I'm scared of going to jail. I joined because I felt like you guys were the sort of people to give a crook like me a proper chance to make something of myself. And Chuckles was the one who convinced me of that. He spared me when he had every right to let Red here run me through, he put his trust in me when nobody else would have, and he's been a friend to me ever since. Best friend I've ever had, in fact. And where I come from you don't give up a friend like that for anything."
I can't help but tear up a bit at that, "Shit dude."
"Ah, don't get all weepy about it Chuckles," Gaius grins at me, "We ain't drunk enough for that right now."
The two of us laugh a bit at that, and I find that suddenly I'm not feeling nearly so nervous about where things go from here. Chrom was right; no matter what happens next I've still got friends there for me. Gaius, Virion, Nowi, Cordelia, Chrom, Robin, even if I can't stay in the Shepherds they'll still be there. I can see it in their eyes, not one of them is leaving me.
But Chrom, Chrom clearly isn't ready to settle for that, "I want it known here and now, before this continues, that I did not call Ben forward so that we might pass judgement on him," He says, earning a skeptical look from more than a few people, myself included. "I understand that many amongst you feel betrayed. I share in that feeling with you all. But even though he has hurt me I am in complete agreement with Panne. I do not wish for the Shepherds to become a group in which we judge each other as unworthy. I would far prefer that we take those amongst us who are lacking and make each other worthy. We are a family. And as a family I would have us be there for each other and lift each other up even during the hardest of times. If you all feel this strongly about matters, then I will abide by your decision. But before that happens I implore you all to think, truly think on this. Ask yourself if there might be a better way of moving forward. Because there is nothing that I fear more than the thought that we might be broken by this."
"…Can I say something too?" Donnel asks, raising a hand timidly.
"Everyone's welcome to share their thoughts," Chrom says gesturing for Donnel to speak.
"Right then," Donnel gets to his feet and looks up at me, "Well I suppose I should start by saying that I don't suppose I feel quite as strongly about all this as Gaius and Panne do. I reckon being a Shepherd means too much to me for me to quit. But I also don't rightly know if I'd be feeling the same about being a Shepherd if we were to give Mister Benjamin the boot. Because even if I don't want to leave I sure as heck don't want him to leave either!
"I'm as shocked as the rest of y'all to hear that Mister Benjamin did all of this. If anyone else told me he was responsible for all of this I'd have told them it was a bunch of horse pucky. Heck, I reckon plenty of you have seen me tellin' folks that already! And I don't know if I respect you quite the same now that I know those rumors were true Mister Benjamin, but when I think about it I don't rightly think it makes a difference. Because even if you did make a mess of things like everyone's saying, the reasons I respected you in the first place are still there."
Donnel turns to the rest of the room and nods, "The first night I met Mister Benjamin he saved my life. A couple of bandits caught me when I was running around on my own like a fool, and he got himself shot in the back helping me. The day we fought at the Longfort he saved my life again from one of Raimi's soldiers, and we all know how much trouble he's had to deal with for doing that. And when I got myself captured by slavers here in Ferox he saved me again, broke all of us prisoners out and nearly died doing it."
When Donnel looks back to me his eyes are brimming with tears, but his voice doesn't waver in the slightest as he continues, "See, you said you did all this because you were a coward. And I reckon you were plenty scared of all this fate of the world stuff. But I don't think it's right to call you a coward after everything you've done for me and everyone else since you joined the Shepherds. There isn't a person in all the Shepherds who I've seen take as many beatings as you have to save somebody. If somebody who can do all that is a coward, then I don't want to know what that makes me!"
There's a moment of quiet throughout the room, then to my surprise Miriel gets to her feet as well, "I concur," she says, "There is far too much conflicting evidence to simply label Ben as a coward. A coward would not have rushed into several dozen armed attackers while mentally unwell to save a room full of civilians. Nor would they taunt a High Priest of the Grimleal to preserve the morale of their men."
"Yes, anyone who is stealing a sled from under the Grimleal's nose must be a gutsy thing!" Gregor laughs.
"He saved me from Gangrel," Owain adds, "If not for him drawing the dastard's attention I could never have struck the final blow!"
"I think it's clear," Chrom interjects, "That if we were to take the time to list every moment in which Ben has risked his life to save another while part of the Shepherds, we would be here all night. There isn't a single one amongst you who would be unable to think of a time when he did so. I said before that Ben told us of his actions some time ago. If there remains any question in your mind as to why I let him stay in the Shepherds that day, here is your answer. His failings were significant. I won't argue that. But I don't want the Shepherds to be a place where we cast out those who stumble.
"We are a family. We are protectors. The Shepherds were made so we could be there for the people of Ylisse when times are tough. And I say that starts here, with us. If we can't be there to pick our comrades up when they fall, how can we hope to do the same for the rest of Ylisse? The rest of the world? And it is with that thought in mind that I say to you all: Ben has my trust. I first asked him to join us because I saw a man who would put his life on the line for others, and since that day he has done that and more time and again. He may have lied to us, and kept secrets, but the scars he bears are real. The lives he's saved are real."
"The lives he's cost are real too," Frederick interjects, "Would you have us forget them so easily?"
"Not forget," Cordelia says, getting to her feet. She looks across the room to me, gives me a reassuring smile, and turns to address the others, "I will never forget what Ben's inaction cost me, and he knows that. But I trust him all the same. I forgive him all the same. Because in spite of his failings he has shown me that he is willing to push forward. He has struggled to overcome the mistakes that brought him here, for the sake of never repeating them."
"That doesn't simply remove the pain he's caused!" Frederick snaps, "His loyalty is still questionable! Those people are still dead!"
"You're right Frederick, they are," I say, loud enough to draw all eyes to me, "People died, and I failed to stop it. That's something that will live with me for the rest of my life. And if some of you still have doubts or anger towards me, I don't blame you. Because I feel exactly the same way. But… I still want to move forward regardless. I still want to be a Shepherd regardless. Because even after everything that's happened since coming here becoming a Shepherd is the second most meaningful thing I've ever accomplished in my life. The uh, the kids are number one now, sorry. So if you have doubts as to whether I can be trusted, if you don't know if I can succeed, all I can say is this: just watch me. Because I have people I love who are counting on me to do this right, and I intend to make them proud."
Cordelia and the kids beam at me. Gaius shoots me a thumbs up. All around the room I see people acknowledging my words.
Finally, Sully lets out a loud sigh, leaning back in her chair, "Fine, I give. Don't expect us to be friends again any time soon, but if everyone wants him to stay this badly I'll leave it be. Just don't be surprised if I'm first in line to kick his ass if he messes up again."
Lissa speaks next, eyes brimming with tears, "I… I still don't think I can forgive you, but I'll leave things be. For… for Chrom's sake." She lowers her head quietly, letting Maribelle fuss over her with a handkerchief.
Vaike looks at me, looks around to the rest of the room, then finally slouches down with a scowl, "Fine, whatever. Not like I want the Shepherds to fall apart either."
"It looks like we're all in agreement," Chrom says firmly, stepping forward. He and I both give Frederick a wary look, but while the ever-wary knight still looks angry with me he holds his tongue. He hasn't forgiven me, but at the very least he seems willing to withhold his protests for now as well. Seeing this, Chrom continues with renewed confidence, "Ben, you made mistakes. Not one of us disputes that, yourself included. But you have worked hard to right those wrongs, and shown that you are willing to continue to do so. I won't stand on ceremony here. You were one of us before, and one of us you remain. Nothing more need be said on the matter."
"Thank you, Chrom. Truly." I bow my head deeply in thanks.
"Come on now, what did I just say?" Chrom jokes, waving my thanks away. After a moment he looks back to the rest of the Shepherds, "I would ask that all of you do your best to let this be the end of the matter. No more arguments. No more fighting amongst yourselves. You may have your doubts still, but let this be the last time we turn on each other. Dark days are coming, Shepherds. Darker even than anything we have yet experienced. The day will come when Grima's forces come to awaken their fell god and bring the world to its knees, and on that day we must stand united. But such a thing can only happen if we hold to that sense of unity now. We are Shepherds. A force for good in these times of strife. Let nothing change that, least of all ourselves! For Ylisse, and all the peoples of the world, we will face that evil down, and we will prevail!" He concludes with a triumphant shout, fist raised high, eyes bright with an energy that had been lost to him these past days.
And it is with a similar sense of triumph that I raise my hand in unison with my fellow Shepherds, the whole room shouting as one, "HEAR HEAR!" And I feel closer with these people than ever before.
There's still bad blood to be found. I'm not nearly so foolish as to ignore that. But that won't last. I won't let it last. Because yeah, I've burned some bridges with the shit I pulled. But that doesn't necessarily have to mean those connections are gone for good.
I have two years until the war with Valm. That should be time enough to build those bridges anew.
And this time the lies can stay out of it.
I don't think this result will surprise much of anybody. Chrom and the Shepherds have good reasons to distrust Ben, it's true, but they're still good people who want to hold to that trust anyways, no matter how difficult that trust may come. Despite what Ben might think, his friendships weren't just wiped away when he revealed what he did. He thinks he was tearing up the foundations of his friendships and his position with the Shepherds, but really he just... recontextualized it. And that new context is a significant shift, yes, but even when he's being a major fuckup he's still a good person at heart, and the Shepherds are the sort of people who will recognize that in someone even when they're doing their best to hide it.
As to the scene which will probably raise more questions with readers... let's talk about Nowi for a moment. Nowi is a serious problem in how she's handled by the game writers. Frankly speaking, she is a child. Tick that age number up as high as you want; it does not matter. She is a child in every way that matters. And the moral concerns that come with adding such a child as a playable character to a game where everyone kills the fuck out of each other are already a problem but of course things have to get so much worse. Because Nowi also has a kid, which means that were I to do the easy thing and just treat the child like a child that would mean a whole character gets cut out of the story. Is Nah such an essential character that the story would suffer without her? Not really. But I don't think removing characters should be my first course of action when I run into a writing problem that I find difficult to manage.
The result is as you see here. Give Nowi a sense of the wisdom, experience, and deep sadness a person would realistically have after living for 1000 years. Take those very heavy problems which Nowi lives with and show that they are something that truly matters to her, rather than just being half-assed about it and having her bawl like a child about it every once in a while like the game does. And beyond that, make sure that this is done while sacrificing as little of Nowi's character as possible. And suddenly instead of just a child you have a woman who has experienced far more than anyone would expect, a woman who hides her troubles behind her youthful appearance and a playful attitude. Frankly speaking, I think I did a great job! But there's always room for criticism so if you think I didn't do enough to make the dragon loli less creepy in execution let me know.
As always, I'll conclude invite you all to join the Fanfiction Treehouse. It's a great community full of great people who write great stuff and give great writing advice to anyone looking to start a fic of their own.
discord .gg/9XG3U7a
