:A/N: I do write for Billy in this fic, having him be more OOC. I do love Dacre and his performance as Billy, but do not condone or support any of his shitty behavior. In this fic, I chose to write him as more so just aggressive/borderline abusive as a result of struggling with his trauma and will not be making him racist. I do not support the decision to be abusive to deal with your own trauma either. If you choose to continue reading, I hope you enjoy it.
The thing about death is that it never ends with you. All it does is shift your pain to someone new. The sudden absence of your presence in someone's life can be jarring as it is, but in Hawkins it's proven to be twisted in manipulation and lies. If one more person tried to prove just how sorry they were for the loss of her boyfriend Billy Hargrove, Aurora Ross was going to lose what little grip she had left on her mind. The apologetic greetings and sorrowful sideways glances had died down over the past few months, but not quite enough to feel like she hadn't been stamped with the title of the town's newest poster child for grief. It was ridiculous how strangers made themselves known to her and his family as if they somehow cared for any of them outside of what the condolences would offer their own consciences. Billy, however, would've reveled in the attention.
After witnessing the hellish battle at the Starcourt Mall, it was a miracle she hadn't allowed the darkness that was left imprinted in her bones by the mound of molten flesh nicknamed The Mind Flayer to rot her from the inside out. She had vaguely heard whispers about the creature being a shadowed arachnoid apparition in passing from Jonathan and Nancy as they fought to free Will the year before, but back then she just assumed they had been discussing a new horror movie of some sort. Like The Thing that had just come out around that time. That is until Billy started acting weird. The poor boy often struggled with controlling his anger, especially after learning that the principal had personally asked her to help a fellow student succeed just enough to graduate in hopes that the class clown Eddie Munson would no longer be a problem he had to resolve for what felt like every hour on the hour. To make up for the disappointing news, Aurora would go on even more outings with Billy to counteract her time with Munson as if Billy could smell him on her, and like a dog, he had to replace it to make sure Eddie knew who she belonged to. He had been making great improvement for her sake in his anger management and working through his trauma with her, but even he had warned her that she was his and the second Munson or anyone else tried to take her from him he'd kill them. She understood his possessiveness after losing his mother and became his safe place by dropping everything for him at a moment's notice. It was a wonder her parents didn't notice she was barely available, always sneaking out or sneaking him in. The summer he passed, she had even offered to help fix Billy's car after the accident he had at the old steel mill while on his way to her, but under the watchful eye of his father, he deemed a woman unfit to do it correctly. Instead, she made herself useful by helping his stepmother and sister prepare dinner the next night. Even going as far as to bring the boys out beers periodically, earning a soft kiss on the cheek after each one. She told herself it was his way of keeping her out of his father's reach after realizing just how terrible Neil Hargrove was to those trapped around him.
It seemed that the bracelet she had made out of Billy's saintly pendant put an invisible neon sign above her head, calling for the attention of everyone that passed her upon her return to Hawkins High. She hoped after a few weeks away and putting some serious effort into blending in that the prying eyes at the very least wouldn't bother her anymore, but she was wrong. It seemed like everyone could see the scars left on her by that beast and no matter how many times she told herself she wasn't wearing the same lilac crop top and denim shorts she had gotten covered in both the black liquid that was spewing from the beast but the blood of her boyfriend, the weight of their stares screamed otherwise. She caught herself rolling her left shoulder several times a day, pressing her fingers into the thickened scar tissue over her shirt during class in between flashbacks to that cursed neon-lit lobby. It especially hurt when her favorite little redhead bobbed by with her head down, safely tucked away in the waves of Kate Bush's lyrics as if that was where her comfort lay in her absence. Her stomach churned at the thought, knowing she broke the promise she had made to the tiny warrior when she and Billy first started dating. She needed her to be her big sister then and protect her more than ever but in her grief, she chose to run. She didn't know if Susan had ever told Max that she had been calling to check on them since she got back from her Aunt's house in Georgia, but she hoped that her tiny warrior still knew she'd do anything for her if she needed her. Aurora didn't want to force her to come back into her life, but she'd be lying if she said she didn't think about running across the trailer lot every night she went to study with Eddie to hug that poor girl.
Trying her best to hide under the radar of false support, she isolates herself within the confines of the cafeteria with her chemistry book and notes sprawled out in front of her as her Walkman boomed in her ears in an effort to drown out the voices around her. Losing herself in her work, she almost misses it when someone takes the seat next to her. At first, she tried to ignore them hoping they'd understand she didn't intend to be very social this year as if she had been after dropping out of cheerleading soon after Billy's passing, but they didn't seem satisfied with the notion as they grabbed her notebook out from under her.
"Have you talked to anyone today? Or even this week? I hear self-seclusion isn't good for your mental health." Hawkins' leader of the outcasts, Eddie Munson, smiles as he lounges across the table straddling the chair backward and tapping the bands of his rings against the back of it as he relaxes. For a moment, he tilts his head like a curious puppy and those big brown eyes of his were only furthering the comparison.
"Did Dustin tell you that? I'm fine." She lies just as she had practiced with every other passerby that commented on her well-being, taking her notebook back before he could draw on her notes just to watch her have an aneurysm like he had the year prior in their English class. The mood around them shifted quickly as he leaned forward toward her, sliding his hand up and down her forearm slowly in an effort to both comforts her overworked mind and signal silently that he would gladly assume a position within her support team.
"He didn't have to. You forget, we've spent a lot of time together over the last year and a half and I've seen you stressed. You're about one minor inconvenience away from starving yourself in favor of building a fort in your bedroom." He hums, the concern in his eyes darkening the bitter dark chocolate brown of his irises to an almost onyx black. He tilts his head again to further examine her features as if all her secrets were written on her freckled-porcelain skin, his long brunette curls falling over her notes. She squirms slightly under the pressure of his assessment as if he'd be able to see just how alone she'd been the past few months, her fingers nervously dancing with the curls that tickled her forearms as it curtained across her arms. He was right, more so than she wanted to admit as her stomach growled in response to the mere mention of food. She shifts, taking a drink from her water bottle to further stifle the pangs of hunger as she had many times before, and tries her best to nudge him playfully as if it'd disguise her truth to him despite what he could already see. Just like Billy, he could read her like a book. Part of her knew it was of no use trying to hide, but she had to try.
"Eddie, it's a full-time job trying to help you. If we can get you through Ms. O' Donal's class, you can graduate with me this year." She teases, smiling to force a happier demeanor for him in hopes of it shifting his concern to something more pressing and not so personal to her. Suddenly, as if her brain accepted the switch in her train of thought all too eagerly, she leans into him to show him a page in her notebook. Scribbled across the faint blue lines were songs, artists, albums, and the subjects or subsections of specific classes she thought each lyrical masterpiece he adored would fit best. He shifts the chair, causing it to squeal, and runs his fingers over the inked page as if the lines creating each letter were braille he desperately needed to graze. His eyes softened at the realization of her dedication to him and his future, almost shining a hazelnut caramel gold in the sunlight streaming in from the window.
"You-you did all this for me?" He whispers in disbelief, his eyes stuttering between her candy apple green eyes and her lush lips. The notion made her chew on her bottom lip slightly as she nodded, running a hand through her long black coffee tresses nervously.
"Of course. Principal Higgins asked me to do whatever I needed to to help you graduate. If we can prove this method helps you with test taking, I'm sure we can get him to talk to the teachers so they can ignore your humming if you need to hum a specific song or album for that subject. It's worth a shot right?" She almost laughs as if it was offensive to think she would've put in such effort for a man she deemed a close friend. Just like with Billy, it concerned her that he didn't see his self-worth. She wondered if he even truly noticed how thinly she was stretched between helping him graduate and building their friendship and putting Billy's mind at ease by continuing to be his safe place in this hick town he hated so much. They had already figured out a way for him to work through his anxiety and the painful stillness of sitting through a lecture by packing black ballpoint pens so he could draw on her while she herself took notes. She did have to admit he was her favorite part of those stupid classes and the best partner. He may not contribute much, but he did try his best to help her when she was stumped on where to go next in a project by shifting her train of thought for short intervals of time by teaching her how to make her own cassette tapes or even strum a portion of the rift he had been working on while she came up with a game plan. After a moment, she realized she had been staring and squeezed his hand as a blush warms her cheeks.
"We'll figure this out. We always do." She commented softly, shifting away from him as the bell rings to clear the cafeteria but before she could merge within the hoard he grabbed her hand. Something about the way he fidgeted with the lowest button on his denim vest over his leather jacket and Hellfire Club baseball tee made her heart flutter. She watched him bite his bottom lip as he swayed his weight back and forth between his feet nervously, the black bandana in his back pocket dancing in tune with his hips before looking up at her from under his shaggy bangs.
"Why don't we skip the rest of the day? It's only three classes. I'm sure they won't miss us." He suggested, those dark eyes gleaming mischievously as he steps up to her. She shifts her weight to one side and sighs, earning a whine and what could only be described as a slight temper tantrum as he stomped his foot and tugged on the sleeve of her flannel. "Don't give me the patented 'gentle let down' sigh." He chuckles, giving the nickname for her reaction the same voiceover he gave some of his DnD characters, poking his bottom lip out to better plead with her. "Come on, someone has to save that last bit of sanity in that beautiful brain of yours." He smiles, tucking hair behind her ear. "Besides Lite Brite, what's it gonna hurt?" He taunts her, nudging her hip while jingling his keys in front of her as if trying to amuse a fussy infant with the distinct sound and shiny metal. She groans at the nickname, suddenly regretting mentioning how she liked Holly Wheeler's decorative toy when dropping the notebook he had left at her house off during a campaign discussion last week but ultimately laughs, nodding in agreement.
"Alright, alright fine but you have to help me finish the breakdown for which songs go best with each subject you're struggling with. Deal?" She smiles, shifting her books to the side so she could hold out her hand for him to shake. He feigns the proper agreement of a gentleman, bending at the hips as he takes her hand gently and brings it toward his lips.
"Anything for you, sweetheart." He smiles widely, his warm breath wafting over her skin just enough to cause goosebumps to erupt up her arm, but before he could kiss her knuckles as he usually would he shifts forward and licks the top of her hand. She shivers, blushing more so than she would've liked as he pulls out of her reach laughing. "I licked it so it's mine. Now you're stuck with me." He laughs even louder as if he wanted the heartfelt sound to fill the room as he runs from her just in case she felt like swinging.
"You're gross, you know that?" She can't help but laugh as she follows after him, wiping the back of her hand down the side of her thigh.
"But you love me, now move. We've got a shred of sanity to save." He calls, jogging for the door down the long hall to hold it open for her.
Later that night, after spending what felt like hours finishing the list of songs she'd soon be associating with the subjects he needed help with most and sorting them into separate subcategories to later put on cassettes for him, Eddie makes the executive decision to put in a VHS tape of Alien before wandering off into the kitchen. He had wrapped her up in the blanket she had confiscated from his room and dubbed her favorite and ordered her to stay put, shrugging out of his jacket and vest on his way toward the kitchen. As she watched the slow progression of the xenomorph attacking the idling spaceship, she couldn't help but notice Eddie making a fuss down the hall. She stayed seated as he had instructed until the sound of boiling water concerned her in his absence.
"Eddie?" She calls, rushing to the kitchen to lower the heat for the water in the saucepan he was using.
"Hey! No! I told you to stay put!" He playfully scorns her, damn near tripping over himself to get back into the kitchen before her. She sighs regretfully, holding up the box of Mac n cheese that sat next to the stove.
"Make sure you save some for Wayne." She hums defectively, shifting out of the way for him. He blocks her exit, trapping her against the counter with an arm on either side of her.
"We've made progress today. Please eat. For me?" He playfully pouts pleadingly. "I've got blankets piled up in my room, too. We can build a fort when the movie is over. What do ya say?" He adds, tucking hair behind her ear. His fingertips traced her jaw, tilting her chin up slightly so he could better gauge the reaction in her eyes. If she was honest with herself, she didn't want to go home just yet. She knew going home would mean another lecture about the long face she struggled to hide around her father for a boy he deemed a bad influence and a troublemaker. No matter how understanding her mother was for her grief, she knew neither of them really knew just how close they were, and it terrified her to tell them that Billy Hargrove was in her blood. He was far more than just a bad boy that took her on the few dates she made known to them. He was hers and now that he was gone, let alone how he was taken from her, it was hard to hide her pain in the confines of a home she was made to feel like a fool for being sad in. But obviously, they didn't know the truth about their relationship and being around Eddie was easy. He made her laugh and for the time being, she forgot about her trauma, and it was nice. Something she needed more than the air she breathed. Since Billy's passing, Aurora had been hounded by seemingly every person possible in one way or another, but with Eddie, it wasn't as selfish. He had genuinely missed her and cared about her well-being but ultimately understood when she needed time away and even called to check on her every day while she lived with her Aunt in Georgia. It was innocent and sweet how excited he became at the sound of her voice and even now that she had been back for a few months, she never had to hide from him. He saw her for who she was and wanted nothing more than to help lessen the load on her shoulders. She couldn't help but smile as she leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder as her body finally gave in from the tension that settled within her muscles under the watchful eyes of Hawkins.
"Thank you." She whispered the breath that followed seemingly alleviating the rest of the weight from her. He nods, wrapping his arms around her, stroking her back soothingly before pulling away.
"Go call your mom, tell her you're at Delaney's or something. I'll finish dinner." He hums, proving yet again just how attentive he was to her. She didn't really want to call her mother, but even Eddie knew if she didn't, she wouldn't be able to truly relax as her anxiety ran through every horror scenario possible about her panicking over her whereabouts. The name he threw out there, however, stung a bit. Delaney Richards had been her best friend in cheerleading, but once she quit, she and the other girls seemed to hate her as if she had betrayed them. It was ridiculous, but she didn't question it either. She didn't have the energy anymore. Between discovering The Upside Down and having it ruin everything she knew about reality, her entire friend group shifted and she found herself slowly becoming closer with her cousin Robin Buckley and her friends. They had all been trauma bonding in one way or another, she assumed.
After dinner and building the fort he so lovingly suggested, just as she started to relax into the makeshift bed she had made next to him, it started to thunderstorm. Tensing, she tried her best to push the flashbacks away as the thunder booms outside the thin trailer walls but it was no use. Eddie knew her too well. In a clumsy rush, he fumbled with his stereo placed just under the window at their heads as if it were a shield for her in hopes of drowning out the storm and pulled her close.
"Talk to me." He breathes, tracing circles over her scalp as her head rests on his chest. She didn't like talking about her problems recuperating or even Billy's death since the town was lied to about it but the longer the storm went on the harder it pounded against the window above them, the more she clung to Eddie as those fireworks boomed in her ears over and over again. It was almost like her brain thought if she focused hard enough he'd be able to take the echoed explosions and the fiery brightly colored flares from her memory.
"I-I don't know what to say. There's so much going on, I-" She struggled to explain when he stopped her, kissing her forehead.
"What is your favorite memory of him?" He asked softly as if he was afraid the words would cut deeper than the memory itself. For a long moment, she stayed silent while she thought about what to say, careful not to say anything vulgar, intimate, or incriminating after the cover story aired but eventually she smiled through the tears and pulled back to look at him.
"The night he gave me his leather jacket." She started simply, toying with the saintly charm dangling from her wrist. "It had started raining the night he took me out on a date. He finally met my parents and wanted to take me to dinner." She smiled at the thought. "Afterwards we went for a walk in the park. He was impressed I didn't ask for anything fancy, saying how most of the girls he had dated wanted to be shown off extravagantly. I just wanted to spend time with him so he took me on a walk. We sat on the swings for a while just talking about our plans for the future. He pulled me into his lap, whispering for me to hold on when he started to swing with us both on the same one." She laughed, wiping her tears. "I was so scared I'd fall and embarrass myself but he held onto me saying how he'd never let anything happen to me." She looked up at him, trying to see if his eyes would give away any sign of boredom before continuing. "It started raining soon after that so he gave me his jacket to keep me warm while we walked back to his car. I love the rain and have never minded getting wet but he didn't want me to get sick." She nods, more so to herself as if confirming that she was finished with the retelling of her favorite memory. "I still have the jacket. I couldn't let Neil take it." She sighs, feeling terrible about the fact that she kept that hidden from his father no matter how terrible he was to him. Slowly, as if unsure of his actions, Eddie leans forward and kisses her forehead repeatedly. It was as if each kiss was meant to push away any fear or pain she still harbored while his fingers gently tangled in her hair to hold her to him. She closes her eyes, her hands resting on his chest as she tries to allow his kindness to soothe her, and rubs circles over the left portion of his chest where the widow tattoo rested under his club shirt.
"Sometimes I sleep with it. It still smells a little bit like him and I feel less alone with it next to me." She confesses, tensing once the gravity of her confession settles in. She opens her eyes and pulls back slowly, her eyes burning with tears of embarrassment as her cheeks redden. "I-I'm sorry, I've never told anyone that." She whispers, suddenly breathless and aching as if someone had punched her in the center of her chest. Quickly, in much more alarm than before, Eddie sits up and hugs her close.
"You're never alone. I'll always be here for you, Rory." He huffs, his chest tightening as well as he rocks her comfortingly. She wraps her arms around his neck and hides her face in his hair.
"Thank you." She whispers, just barely audible despite how close she was to him. It was hard to say much else, to sum up just how grateful she was for this man and his beautiful heart. She could only hope he felt a semblance of just how much he meant to her.
The next morning, she made breakfast and wrapped up what she had left over for Wayne before putting it in the fridge with a small note about hoping he had a decent night at work. She hoped that even if he hadn't in fact had all that great of a night that her trying her best to leave him something to come home to would help cheer him up. Afterward, she sets their plates on the small island and shifts back toward Eddie's room when she bumps into him.
"Hey, sorry, I hope I wasn't too loud." She apologizes softly, suddenly shy at the image of his sleepy form stretching in the doorway. The club shirt he had worn last night had come off in the muggy heat of sharing a confined space with someone under mounds of blankets with no real ventilation and now his grey sweatpants were rolled down just below his hips which only furthered the arrow-led happy trail of soft brown hair between the sculpted v formation against his muscles. She then made a mental note to always put a fan in their forts so they wouldn't get so hot again.
"No no you're fine. Did-did you make breakfast? It smells amazing." He grumbles in his sleepy rumble as he rubs his eyes. She laughs and shifts to take his hand, leading him toward his plate.
"Yes. I'm glad you approve." She teases, sitting him down before pulling his hair up for him using the scrunchie she held around her wrist. In his sleepy stupor, he didn't fight the notion much as he dived into the meal. She hums to herself as she quickly eats what little she set aside for herself before turning toward his room again.
"Do you care if I borrow some of your clothes to take a shower? We can always run past my house on the way to school so I can change but…" She asks, rambling as her nervousness consumes her at the idea of wearing his clothes. She had worn Billy's red button-down shirt before and stole his leather jacket so why this was making her nervous she didn't quite understand. He chuckles and nods, taking a drink of the orange juice she poured him.
"You can wear whatever you want as long as you keep cooking for me." He teases with a wink. "My shirts are in the closet, boxers and jeans are in the top drawer." He adds, waving her on her way. She smiles and kisses his cheek as a thank you before running off toward his room.
While she was in the shower, Eddie did his best to contain himself as his mind raced with all the possibilities of what would step through that door next. It wasn't every day a girl asked to wear his clothes and a part of him hoped it wouldn't be the last. After getting dressed, he grabs her books off his dresser.
"Hey sweetheart, did you put your notebook on the table? I can't…" He calls, stopping in the doorway when he sees her shaking loose her long wet waves. She wore his black and bleach tie-dyed Iron Maiden T-shirt over a pair of acid-washed ripped pale blue jeans with her white Velcro strapped Reebok high tops that were basically a smaller version of his favorite, more well-loved, and dirty shoes. She looked gorgeous despite the shirt being slightly larger than her and something about her smile once she noticed he was staring made his stomach do flips. She smiles wider as a blush creeps across her cheeks as she ties her flannel around her hips and points toward the table where her notebook lay next to him.
"Thank you so much, you're such a lifesaver." She beams, gently taking the stack of books from him so he could put his jacket and vest back on over his Metallica shirt.
"Come on beautiful, let's get you to class before Principal Higgins thinks I'm corrupting his best effort at getting rid of me." He laughs tauntingly, ushering her out of the trailer.
