Twisted Love

Beta'd by mysterychic. Many thanks to her for beta-ing.

Disclaimer: Don't own Supernatural, but I do own Johnny, Kit, their parents, Jack Foel, and Newbridge Falls. Lyrics are for the song 'Asleep' by The Smiths. That means I do not own the song either.

Review Answers:

Spuffyshipper – Thanks, glad you think so. Well, love makes a person do strange things… I personally have no experience in it, but it's what I've heard.

jka1 – Exciting, unexpected. Both of them are good. I'm guessing you mean Sam and Johnny (if you aren't I think I wrote the chapter a little wrong). I'm pretty sure you are though, because, yes, they did come close to killing each other during their sex.

talon81 – Really? Thanks, that's good to know. Here's pretty much how it all plays out. This soon enough for you?

Inuyashas' Plaything – Wow, thank you, thank you, thank you, to all those nice things you said. This soon enough for ya?

DixieBelle51 – So many nice things you say to me. It's good to know my work is appreciated.

Rosalene – Still like? Well, as long as you still like, no problems. However, we're nearing the end of the story, so updates won't be coming for very long.

vinsmouse – Yeah, I'm glad you think so. It took me a little while to think of a good name for it, I'm glad you think it suits it so well. Here's some more, soon enough?

puplover77 - Nice to know. I'll write as much as possible.


Chapter 12: Release

Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I'm tired and I
I want to go to bed

The kiss deepened as the time passed, and Sam hesitated in breaking it off. He reached up with one hand and laid it on the back of Johnny's head, pulling him down just a little, pulling him closer. He felt Johnny's lips twist up into a smile; he was obviously enjoying the kiss as well.

"I do love you." Sam whispered through the kiss. He hadn't told anyone (not his brother – whole different story, not going there) those words since he'd been with Jess. Back then; he'd said them almost every day. Now the words sounded foreign. And at the same time, they seemed like they belonged.

He closed his eyes, steeling himself up inside. Johnny felt the tension through the kiss, and pulled back, looking at Sam with confusion on his face. Sam didn't wait. He struck.

Johnny gave a startled jerk, and a gasp of surprise and pain escaped his lips. Opening his eyes, Sam pulled his hand back, and the knife along with it. Johnny's eyes widened in shock when he saw the knife, the blade covered in his own blood. He looked down at his stomach and saw the small hole in the front of his shirt, and the blood already starting to soak it.

Johnny fell back against the bed, head hitting the pillows, his eyes wide with shock as he stared up at Sam, who immediately dropped the knife, kneeling down beside the bed, looking both heartbroken and shocked by what he'd just done.

Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
And then leave me alone
Don't try to wake me in the morning
'Cause I will be gone

"Sam…" Johnny gasped; Sam gently lifted the younger man's leg up onto the bed, laying him out straight, and then was right by his side again. "You…?" Sam nodded sadly.

"I told you… a consecrated weapon…" Sam's voice cracked. Johnny just stared at him; but there was none of the anger in his eyes that Sam had expected to see; only… acceptance? Forgiveness? Relief? And a lot of pain. Sam stared at him, not sure what he should do. What do you do when you stab the man who's just told you they love you?

"Johnny-"

"No." Johnny said forcefully, though Sam could see in his eyes that it took a lot of effort to sound that commanding. "I don't want to die alone." He gasped. "I've been dying alone for four years." Sam wiped his eyes, taking Johnny's hand in his.

"You won't be… alone." He said. "I'll be here." Johnny's eyes shone with tears, and he smiled sadly at Sam, acceptance evident on his face. He knew he was going to die.

Don't feel bad for me
I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart
I will feel so glad to go

"Johnny, I-" Sam began again.

"Sam." Johnny said, raising in eyebrow. "Still don't know when to shut up." He smiled weakly, and Sam felt a few stray tears starting to break free. He quickly wiped them away.

"I'm sorry." He said, looking straight at Johnny. Sorry for stabbing you in the stomach with a weapon blessed specifically to kill demons like you. That was what he said in his mind. The younger man shrugged, or tried to, at least.

"Don't be." He said in a small voice. He tried to lean up, but found himself too drained to do anything. So Sam leaned down, and Johnny pulled him into a final kiss, with Sam helping him to wrap his arms around his chest, holding him tightly, not caring about the blood that was no doubt covering the front of his shirt. Again, he let the rest of the world melt away in favour of enjoying the touch of the younger man against him.

And then he felt Johnny's hold around him loosen, and he got heavier in Sam's arms. Sam let out a slow, shaky breath, still trying to keep himself under control.

He let Johnny fall back onto the bed, eyes closed so he didn't have to see his face. His whole body shook as he tried to make sense of all the thoughts and feelings filling his mind. But all he could feel was pain as he opened his eyes and stared down. He was torturing himself, staring into Johnny's half-open, dead eyes.

The door behind him opened, but he didn't turn around to see who it was. He continued staring straight at Johnny. Besides, he was pretty sure he knew who it was.

"Sam?" Dean's voice fell on deaf ears. Sam completely ignored him, brushing a stray lock of hair from Johnny's forehead. Then he gently moved his hands down and fully closed Johnny's eyes. Dean stood back, giving his brother some space. Mostly because he had no idea what to say or do, so it was just easier on both of them if he stayed back.

Kit joined them a few seconds later (they'd been in her car- not as much an embarrassment as Johnny's had been- so she had to park it while Dean practically jumped out before it stopped moving), and she froze when she saw Sam kneeling on the floor beside the bed, with Johnny lying on the bed. She made to go forward, but Dean grabbed her arm and shook his head.

"Not now." He mouthed, and Kit glanced back over at her brother's body, and at Sam, and then back to Dean. She sighed and stood back with him.

Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I don't want to wake up
On my own anymore

Sam eventually acknowledged they were there. He glanced at them as he got up and walked out of the room. He didn't say anything; just took a quick look at them and then continued on out the door. Then came the problem of what to do next. Neither Dean nor Kit were exactly eager to move the body, but they also couldn't just leave it there for someone else to discover.

Dean took a step closer. He saw the bloody knife on the floor, and the blood covering Johnny's front; it was obvious Sam had killed him, what didn't make sense was why. Judging by how adamant Sam had been about killing Johnny the day before, Dean found it hard to believe he had done it willingly. Still, if that were true, what had he been doing with the consecrated knife that had been at Dean's belt at the other motel room?

"He's out there, covered in my brother's blood." Kit said. She turned to look at Dean. "Don't you think that might be a little suspicious?" She asked. Dean's eyes widened.

"You're right." He ran past Kit, leaving her alone with her brother's body, and went in search of Sam.

He hadn't gotten far; the younger Winchester was leaning against the wall outside the room, his hands hanging limply at his sides, staring straight ahead. He glanced over as Dean came out; Dean returned the look, waiting for his brother to say something. After a few long minutes, Sam sighed and started talking.

"I killed him," He said, as if Dean didn't already know. "I looked him in the eyes, told him I loved him, and then I stuck a knife in his gut." His voice cracked. "What kind of person am I, Dean?" He asked, looking down at the ground. "What kind of person kills the ones he loves?"

"I don't know," Dean admitted, leaning against the wall beside Sam. "But as far as Johnny goes, I think the guy you loved was already dead." Sam turned an exasperated looked on his brother. "I'm just saying… would you even have considered taking that knife if he was the same man? But he wasn't." He probably shouldn't be so hard on Sam. But dammit, when was he going to learn to distinguish the difference between a man and a monster? "Johnny died when he took that step over the line and killed his father." Now Sam looked like he wanted to hit Dean.

"He-"

"Yeah, I know the guy deserved it; that's not the point." Dean said. "But he was still… human. It wasn't for Johnny to decide whether he should be killed or not."

"But it was okay for you to decide Johnny deserved to be killed?"

"Johnny wasn't human." Dean said. Sam opened his mouth to retort, but found himself unable to say anything to that. Dean suddenly wished he could take that back, as true as they were, they weren't what Sam had needed to hear right then.

Don't feel bad for me
I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart
I really want to go

Sam turned away, his breaths short and shallow. Dean could've kicked himself for being so blunt with his brother; in the space he was in right then. He took a deep breath reached over laying a hand on his brother's shoulder.

"Sam-" Sam shrugged Dean's hand away. "Sam, I-"

"Don't." Sam snapped. "Just, don't, Dean. I killed him. Killers don't get comfort. They get… punished." He still wasn't looking at Dean. "This is my punishment. I shouldn't have left… but we did. This is my punishment."

"What?" Dean asked. "Sam, there's nothing wrong with… okay, yes, you left me unconscious in a room, in favour of going with an incubus, but-"

"Not that." Sam said, turning around and looking at Dean; his eyes were red from rubbing them too much, trying to keep the tears at bay, and his face was stained by the tears that got past. It took a moment, but Dean figured out what his brother meant.

"Sam, do we have to go back to this?" He asked. "How many times am I going to have to tell you this? It wasn't your fault; she would've died, whether you were there or not."

"But I would've gone with her!" Sam cried. Dean was completely thrown off by the outburst, and Sam took advantage of the silence to continue. "Don't you get it, Dean? I hurt everyone I…" He swallowed, trying to keep his voice steady. "At least if I'd been there… if I'd died with her, then…" But he couldn't continue; his knees buckled and he fell. And Dean was there to catch him. Finally, Sam could hold on no longer; he let it all out, crying desperately into Dean's jacket, feeling his brothers protecting arms around him like they hadn't been since he was twelve.

Dean, who was horribly out of practice at being a comforting big brother, just hugged Sam to him, like he had when they were younger. In the protective circle of Dean's arms, Sam felt safe to let everything out, because that had been the only place safe from their father's heart hardening training for years.

Neither brother paid attention to how long they were out there. They were just there as long as they needed to be. As long as Sam needed to be. But finally the tears stopped, and then they stayed there a little longer while Sam recovered from the small outburst. Then finally they got to their feet again, Sam looking shaky, but otherwise okay. Minus the fact that the front of his shirt was covered in dried blood.

There is another world
There is a better world
Well, there must be

"Come on, let's go get you cleaned up." Dean said, guiding Sam back toward the room. Sam seemed hesitant, at first, and only went in after Dean called out to Kit to cover the body (well, he said Johnny, because it would've sounded just a little too suspicious if he had said body). They closed the door behind them, took a quick look around the room; Kit was sitting on the bed, and there was a bulge under the sheet she'd covered Johnny's body with. Sam visibly shook, but Dean guided him towards the bathroom, making sure to hold his head so that he was facing that direction (because, for some reason, Sam's eyes seemed to lock onto Johnny's body without proper guidance, even though it was probably the last thing the younger Winchester wanted to see).

Once they were in the bathroom, Dean helped Sam strip down to his underwear, then helped him into the shower and pulled the curtain across. A second later, the underwear was thrown over the top of the shower. The sound of running water soon followed, and after a minute Dean gathered up Sam's clothes (even the pieces that weren't covered in blood) and took them back out to the room, finding a bag and dumping them all into it.

Bye, bye
Bye, bye
Bye...

"Remind me to take that out and dump it somewhere later on." He said to Kit, who nodded absently. He glanced over at the bed, and then back at the young woman. "How're you doing?" She shrugged. He could see she'd been crying, but like Sam she seemed to have gotten it all out.

The thought that Sam had gotten it all out was dashed when they heard the sounds of crying coming from the bathroom, barely heard over the sound of the shower running. Dean sighed; like so much to do with his brother these days, he had no idea what to do about this.

Kit came up with the solution after a minute. She walked over to the fridge, and took out two beers, handing one over to Dean. He looked at the bottle, then up at Kit.

"Won't we have to pay for these?" He asked. She shrugged again.

"I'd say we'll be too busy with the police to worry about paying for a couple of beers." She said. She noticed Dean's eyes widen when she mentioned the police. "Don't worry. I don't blame Sam for what he did. True, I wish he… well, I wish there'd been another way. But I don't blame him, and I'll make sure you two are well away from here before I call the cops." Dean nodded.

"I'll just take some clean clothes in to Sam, then I'll, uh…" He glanced down at the bottle, then set it down on the table and suddenly realized Sam and Johnny hadn't brought anything with them when they'd made their escape.

"Here." Kit said, handing Dean her car keys. "Get back to the motel and get some of Sam's clothes. We can go back later for the rest." Dean nodded, taking the keys.

"Okay, thanks." He said, and turned, heading for the door.

"No problem." Kit said with a sigh. She took a swig of her beer, and then went and sat down at the table, doing her very best not to look over at the bed. Outside, the sun had begun to set (had the day really gone by that fast?), and all three of them knew that they were in for a very long night.


A/N: sets up barricade Please don't kill me. Okay, so I killed Johnny. I've told you all before, I'm twisted, and I find pleasure in torturing the characters emotionally. This seemed like the best way to do it. Plus, I like writing brotherly moments between Sam and Dean, so extra for me. So, yeah, review, let me know what you think. No need to tell me I'm evil though, because I already know that. Just the epilogue to write now (yeah, that's right, story's just about over). Until next time, Cyas.