"This matchmaking business is stupid." Mulan was sitting in front of her veranda with a stack of papers in her hand. Ling and Yao were sparring and Chien-Po, with the excuse he had no sparring partner, sat down and watched them while occasionally dipping his hand inside the bowl of peanuts. He leant and peered closer.
"I mean, what kind of questions are these?" Mulan whined.
"'Describe yourself in 3 words or less'." Chien-Po read out loud.
Mulan groaned. "I'm done with match-making for the day. Done, I tell you. I have hundreds of other better things to do." And stood to pick up her wooden sword. "Chien-Po, our turn." But he didn't move.
Chien-Po flinched when she poked the tip of her blade on his belly. "Ping, you're never going to find a groom this way."
"I am not getting married, perhaps ever," Mulan told them. That she could hear a thud as Yao and Ling dropped their sword gaped at her. "You are not?"
"Sure. Why? Anything wrong with a single, capable, young woman?"
"Mpphh…" Ling was thinking. "But someday you'll become a single, capable, old woman, no?"
Mulan chose to ignore Ling's mutinous remark.
Initially, Mulan wasn't worried at all about all this finding groom business, especially after meeting Shang in Wuzong, she considered the job done. But it turned out that her invitation for Shang for dinner only led to exchanging war stories and discussion over a tall list of soldering exercises. She had witnessed first hand of Shang's social ineptitude but never thought the condition to be this chronic. He was completely oblivious even when Grandma Fa dropped the hint by asking him to sign her up for another war! So, if she ended up becoming a grumpy, sword-wielding spinster, she would blame it on Shang, at least part of it. How could one see a potential groom after spending the entire six month training, bathing, sleeping around a good looking man like Shang? For heaven's sake, he even looked attractive in his sleep, that disgustingly hot, emo creep! So yes, perhaps the fact that Shang didn't see her as bride material stung her a bit.
"Is this because of Captain Li?" Ling's remark interrupted her thought. Mulan briefly marvelled at Ling's telepathic ability but tried her best not to look affected.
"Hell, no."
Yao and Chien-Po stared at her disbelievingly, perhaps even they knew something that she didn't. Or perhaps everyone secretly had an advanced degree in physiatry.
"Good, I mean, he always thinks that soldering isn't for girls," Ling added with a fake sense of sympathy, "Definitely not the right life partner for you."
"Never consider him as one," Mulan scoffed.
"You should turn your matchmaking questionnaire into a resume for the job the Emperor offers you," Yao suggested.
"You go girl," Chien-Po gushed, balling his meaty fist in the air. "Helloooo independence!"
"Yeah, who needs a man when you can make a man out of yourself!" Yao chimed in, "Although I heard… you can end up dead. Y'know, occupational hazard and all."
"Good, then if I die, you can let Captain Perfectionist know I totally would've mowed his ass like grass. That way, I can laugh hysterically at his emotionally-constipated expression from the afterlife."
And she walked off, completely ignoring the shocked look on her comrades' faces at her unnecessarily brutal comeback. She only heard Ling whisper, "What did I say, guys? A girl who lived for love will kill for love."
It started at the end of the lunar festival celebration when a few outstanding soldiers from each regiment took part in the parade. As the most notable members of Wuzong encampment, Shang and Ping were invited to join.
As it turned out, a few critical minutes before the opening ceremony, Shang realised Ping had completely forgotten to bring her helmet (or her father's), which was deemed crucial for the act.
"How could you miss this important detail? Did you not read the instructions? It said, 'come in full uniform'", Shang barked with a suppressed voice to avoid others hearing him.
"You never wrote 'helmet' on the list!" Ping argued.
"Complete uniform means including the head, Ping!"
At this point, Shang and Ping started having some kind of whispered disagreement that turned into a more vocal argument — that was cut off by the out-of-nowhere laughter of the Emperor, but also obvious stare from the large swaths of the crowds of combatants and spectators alike.
"We are no strangers to soldiers becoming closer than blood," one of the generals said, twisting his thick fingers in Shang's direction … and then Ping. "But having two soldiers who are emotionally invested in each other? We have found that to be complicated and dangerous."
Fa Zhou pinched the bridge of his nose.
Fa Li's jaw dropped.
Grandma Fa's grinned.
Shang almost lost his poise and stumbled backwards.
Ping? Ping exploded.
Thankfully, the Emperor seemed to be entertained by their pre-mating ritual and ended the rather embarrassing situation by announcing, "I know our feelings can be easily exploited; but isn't that what makes us human? For love in battle is sure to conquer any enemy."
So Ling wasn't at all surprised when Ping developed a strong aversion and was unnecessarily brutal at every mention of Captain Dark, Tall and Handsome.
But there must be a reason why the public often mistook Shang and Ping for a couple despite them hissing insults at each other, right?
Yao and Chien-Po thought that Captain Li was in denial (or deliberately dense). And Ping didn't have a good set of working eyes.
Ling, however, had the distinct impression that Shang and Ping were going to become the national poster couple for Saga Battle of Romance. After all, love was essentially hate in disguise.
So, to straighten up public misunderstanding and clear unresolved sexual tension between two emotionally obtuse comrades, Ling decided to write an epic staged dialogue and hoped plenty of alcohol was going to serve as social lubricant to smoothen the act.
Mulan thought that Shang was destined to be her nemesis, her rival.
Okay, when it came to the combat basics, he got the upper hand. Fine. But if there was anyone in Wuzhong who could take Shang twice in a row, it was her.
Shang might not be as creative-thinker as she was, but he certainly had wit. Not to mention, he was an excellent mentor and an exemplary leader. Yes, his method was merciless borderline torture, but it instilled good discipline in the recruits. (And she couldn't get over how he could execute such an offensive sequence fluidly yet deadly. Plus he was nice on the eyes too). Which perhaps ignited some infatuation on her part. (Ling said it called :'a crush')
Truthfully, she enjoyed Shang's company, which was why she felt rather betrayed when he disappeared from her radar after that helmet incident. She conjectured that perhaps he moved back to Chang'an, pursuing his fast-moving career as a General leading an elite regiment, way too busy to write anything to her. Besides, she thought that keeping in touch would be bad for her effort to #moveon (even when deep down, she was curious about what Shang was up to). In all honesty, she missed him.
So when the boys invited her to the bar (which normally was only filled by half-drunk sweaty men after work), and heard Shang was in town and going to come, she was torn.
"No, I'm not good at holding up. Alcohol is my weakness," she told Ling.
That was a heinous lie, Shang was her weakness. That alcohol was a complete cover-up.
After five minutes of intense hackling by Ling and Chien-Po throwing free home-cooked breakfast for a week, she acquiesced.
That early evening, the four of them walked together to the bar. Mulan picked the table by the window. She kindly took the order for the others when suddenly the door burst open, and through the sunlit opening, a figure stepped in in the most melodramatic way like a knight in shining armour (yes, that was in her imagination).
Shang was in his usual rather spartan training outfit, sweaty and flushed and still stupidly, effortlessly attractive. (Freak'in unbelievable!)
He went in with his usual, determined stride, thrifting his smile for necessary occasions, directly headed to their table, saluting them one by one and very apologetic for his tardiness.
"Ping, good to see you." She didn't expect him to call her by her 'male' name, but since they were all in their training outfit (Ling said for the old-time sake), the appellative was perhaps appropriate.
"Captain Li," she saluted him, returning in kind.
The boys exchanged pleasantries while Mulan tried very hard not to ogle at the distractingly inviting pectoral muscle imprinted on his rather damp shirt.
She was, obviously, not the only one noticing the gorgeous bachelor in the room. The bartender, a girl with a voluptuous figure (and an alarmingly high slit as if the tailor had overshot while cutting it), swept her flirtatious gaze up and down Shang's body before passing him a glass of beer. Thankfully, Shang was (as usual) completely oblivious to her blatant attempt to seduce him and completely focused on the pricelist.
It was then Ling, while swirling his drink in his glass, contemplatively said to her out of the blue, "The three words or less thing. What did you say?"
Mulan was quiet for a minute before she shrugged. "I quit before I could think of anything. Why?"
"It's a match-making questionnaire," Chien-Po kindly explained to Shang, the only party on the table that looked obviously confused.
"I think I know what it is," Shang piped up.
"You got it too?" Mulan couldn't filter her curiosity. How could a guy like him be 'looking' for a bride? They would have swarmed around him already. That smug, sweaty punk.
"I let my mother fill it. It's not that hard," he said, perhaps preening a bit before turning to Mulan. "I think kicking Hun ass would be a good quality for an ideal wife. Or maybe—… crossdressing?"
Did he just insult her? Mulan narrowed her eyes. She wanted to stab him and then laughed while he bled out all over the nice, clean bar new rug.
"I'm just wondering," Ling said, though his mischievous grin said that they're up to no good. "How would you describe yourself in three words or less?"
"Well," Mulan tapped her chin. "How would you describe yourself ?"
Ling cleared his throat. "Ok, let's ask someone for their unbiased opinion, probably it'll help you to…—"
"Brilliant, charismatic and determined," Chien-Po fired off with zero hesitation, and Mulan choked a bit.
"More like: clever, conniving and sneaky!" Yao said, jumping a bit in his seat. Across the table, Shang laughed into his drink.
"Hey!" Mulan protested.
"Well you never answered my question," Ling said. "How would you describe yourself?"
"Besides feminine, amazing and wonderful?" Mulan scoffed before becoming serious, genuinely thinking out an answer. "I dunno. Maybe loyal, trustworthy and goal-oriented?"
"That's two words," Shang pointed out, and Mulan frowned. Shang drove her crazy in a thousand different, weird little ways she couldn't explain.
"It has a hyphen in it. It's one word."
"Ping," Ling interrupted, "Describe Captain Li in three words or less."
The table is silent for a moment, Mulan giving Ling a deadpan stare. It was silent, at least, until Ling started laughing.
"Handsome, hunky… and scary, I think?" Chien-Po offered with a small voice. Shang gave him an intimidating glare. "See?" Chien-Po cowered from behind the napkin.
And Mulan thought that annoyed smoulder was definitely arousing. Ah yes, this would be a loooong night.
"You see this?" Yao whispered from behind his glass, watching the charming captain and their pixie cut friend bicker.
He looked at them calculatingly, "I thought they've learnt to get along after defeating Shan-Yu."
Ling made a mental note, even though they were back to butting heads near constantly, their ability to work together seamlessly in battle was not affected. "I don't get how they can be all buddy-buddy in battle, but then verbally eviscerate each other the rest of time."
"Maybe something happened during the dinner?" Chien-Po offered.
Yes. Ling thought, something had gone terribly wrong…. Or perhaps, terribly right?
The game ran on well into the night.
It becomes a battle of speed between Ling, Mulan and Shang, in which Ling would throw out a number and she or Shang would throw something out as quickly as possible. The rest of the boys seemed to be quite amused to be silent participants.
"1 word," Ling fired off, and Mulan didn't even blink.
"Shirtless."
Shang choked on his beer.
Ling snorted. "Okay. 2 words."
"Stoned face!"
Shang growled a strange noise of disapproval but Ling continued to fire, "3 words."
"Strict, bossy, judgemental," she said with a bright, winning smile. Yes, given the chance she would mock him. Mercilessly. Payback time.
"That's not true!" Shang called out loud enough it could well be penetrated out of the bar reinforced concrete wall, but Ling waved him off.
"4 words."
This time Shang beat Ping in speed and said. "Utterly terrible aiming skill."
She shot him a murderous glare but that seemed to fuel him even more.
"3 words."
"Very flat chested."
This one earned a squawk of protest from Mulan, who slammed her glass onto the table and leaned onto her elbows to better leverage himself to Shang's eye level.
"You want to prove me wrong, Ping?" he challenged, grinning proudly that his assault had hit her nerve.
In a normal, sober situation, Mulan would've grumbled and back down and perhaps plotted to shave him bald later in his sleep. But not this time, to hell with diplomacy! She had to subdue this blunt, a-bit-too-realistic jerk!
But when she stood and dramatically ripped her robe open, Yao and Chien-Po (who had so far, become the passive behavioural analyst), pulled her down. She took note to thank them later for not letting her strip in front of her commander.
Nearly two hours and many, many drinks later, Mulan stared at the flushed boys from across the table.
"How would you describe yourself?"
The words are very blended, a colourful display of all of the alcohol she's consumed tonight, but Shang seemed to understand her well enough.
"Effortlessly perfect at fighting….Uh, maybe cool?"
She laughed tipsily, "I said that's very untrue. That's your ego talking!"
"Then how would you describe me?" Shang asked, jabbing a finger in her direction.
Mulan ticked the words off on his fingers.
"Big. Annoying. Bully."
She expected anger. Maybe Shang's signature I-will-dissect-your-body-and-feed-your-corpse-to-the-animal kind of glare. What she didn't expect, though, was for Shang to laugh.
His cheeks were pink, eyes squeezed shut as he laughed boisterously and leant backward in the booth, sliding down a bit in his chair. The corner of his eyes crinkle, and he snorted a bit as he laughed! It was stupidly… adorable! How on earth could her heart take this?
"That's cuuuute," Shang slurred out. He looks at her, the remnants of a smile still fading on his face. "You are very cute." It's suddenly very hot in the bar, Mulan thought.
Did he just call her cute? Whatever it was, the sceptic side of her would have gagged at the ridiculous cheesiness of it.
Suddenly Ling piped up beside her, pointing his finger towards Shang.
"2 words."
Mulan swallowed hard, bracing for impact. Shang pressed his lips together, glancing at her before saying. "Soft Lips."
Mulan had a cardiac arrest.
Another hour had passed, and their tables were littered with numbers of empty bottles and glass. Being ever such a good host (with excellent business sense to milk money out of hardly conscious customers), the same flirty bartender had come again this time placing an alarmingly blue coloured drink on their table as their free top ups. But after that amount of booze and hilarious repartee, no one seemed to notice her anymore.
"I think you've had enough."
"No, you have had enough."
"Ling, please. You don't need another drink."
"Ping, please, let me do what I want."
But it turned out that Shang (the tallest, with the longest arm) was the overall winner in speed despite being severely inebriated. He snatched the glass and tipped it down his throat in one swift, military move.
"One word," Ling pointed his finger tipsily towards Shang who just wiped his mouth with his sleeve.
Shang was silent for a moment, and Mulan thought for half a second that he was going to faint…..or drop dead. But then he said his word.
"Adorable."
Mulan nearly spat her drink
"Did you say adorable?!" (she began to think Shang wished to fatally damage her heart by overdriving).
It comes out as more of a screech than a question, all one word with very little pause. Shang lifted his head, holding up the side of his face with his hand. He looked in the opposite direction of the bar.
"Yeeees," he slurred. Mulan could have died from the cliché nature of it all except she had a strong feeling it was the alcohol talking.
"2 words," Ling said from beside her.
"Amazing archer," she directed her answer towards Shang, and Shang didn't hesitate to banter. "Hot Badass."
That was unexpected, her mouth parted, but no sound came out.
"3 words," Ling continued, looking at his nails in mock interest.
Shang hummed. "I like her."
Mulan opened her mouth, not sure how to respond when all ability to respond abandoned her in a sudden spasm of discomfort. The games clearly had changed its course.
It took her about a minute to finally let her head catch up with her heart. But just as Mulan was about to question the truthfulness of Shang's statement. Suddenly, he gasped, head thrown back and body bucking against his will, ears ringing in a chorus of wrongness that made his limbs twitch.
"Shang!"
Mulan's father taught her at a young age that ingesting weird blue substances was a big No-No (maybe try with a small amount, not the entire bottle! Duh!); she's not surprised that Shang - a socially-inept lone wolf- somehow missed that domestic memo.
Shang was floating perfectly contented in the white nothingness, minding his own business (which had nothing to do with soldering, he swore!), when suddenly there was a gigantic mosquito landed and bit him on his arm.
He's unceremoniously thrown back into his body, veins pounding as his nervous system was overloaded with what felt like a power surge. He struggled to open his eyes, but from his bleary vision, he could see the three misfit recruits crouched over his body. Yao was peering at his face in concern.
"Do you think it worked?" he asked Ling, who was still busy with a very thick scroll in his hand. That's kind of worrying, he never knew Ling read for pleasure. So when he did, it sort of implied he was…
"I told you giving him that blue shot thingy was a bad idea," Chien-Po's voice cut his thought. So, that blue drink was Ling's doing? What the hell!
"Maybe the dose is too low…" Yao pointed to some random place on the scroll. "Captain Li is twice as buffier than y…"
"I know," and before Shang could voice any protest, another bite came to his arm. And abruptly, his lungs were heaving, his body arching up off the ground as the rush passes unrelentingly through his senses.
"What the hell was that?" Shang bolted up, finally taking in his surroundings: they appear to be in a small room, judging by the way it smelt, it was likely to be in the vicinity of the bar.
"I believe the words you looking for are 'Thank' and 'You'," Ling said somewhat proudly. Shang caught the glimpse of dubious vials with faded scribbles on Yao's hand. He earnestly hoped it was just a caffeine shot.
"No kidding. You've nearly killed me." With his weakened condition, he thought it was best not to inflict further worsened the situation by scolding his recruits. Knowing them by heart, he should be thankful that this was only the extent of damage they inflicted. It could be waaaay worse. "What is that blue drink anyway?"
"Love potion."
"Love what?"
"Potion. Apparently, they said the chemical would react against your brain cell and took away your natural inhibition."
Oh.
So underneath his jibe was a cloaked feeling, his true and honest self, who had been sitting on the edge… waiting..
There was no edge, actually. It's a slope that Shang had been sliding down since day one.
"It was never meant for you," Yao continued, sharing a sheepish glance with Chien-Po who just came in with a glass of warm milk. "But you drank it anyway."
Oh, so that meant for Ping. And that moment he realised one very important thing: Ping wasn't there.
"Where is Ping now?" Shang asked.
"Probably outside." That's Ling again, a little too-helpfully and too-innocently. "Want me to go get her so that you both can resume filling the room with unresolved sexual tension?"
He stared at him blankly.
Ling's eyes zeroed at him, "She likes you? Can't you see it?"
No. Actually not. He couldn't see it. No. Nadah. Not a speck.
"Captain, hope you don't mind me saying," Yao said in a matter-of-factly tone. "For an incredibly handsome man, you are a little obtuse."
Shang narrowed his eyes. "I thought she hated me. She called me 'jerk'"
"That's what girls say to the man they like."
"Calling them a jerk?" he challenged, not breaking his glare-off with the stocky recruit next to him. "Why can't she just say it outright if she liked me?"
Ling cleared his throat, waving his finger at him patronisingly. "Unfortunately that's a mystery of a woman's mind, but let me tell you, a woman who's falling in love can't be trusted." And he continued, "Let me ask, has your father forgotten his wedding anniversary?"
"Yes." In fact, quite a few times.
"Now, how did your mother react?"
Shang shrugged. "Upset… I guess?"
"When your father asked what's wrong, did she say she was fine?"
It was a rare moment of epiphany for Shang. And he thought Chi-Fu was the only one with an impossibly convoluted mind. Alas…"So, you think Ping liked me but didn't want to ask me out?"
"She invited you to dinner!" Yao said a little impatiently.
"Yes, at her home. There was an audience there," Shang defended. "I thought it was her way of thanking me for returning the helmet."
And Ling, ever the diplomatic force between them, said, "Ping comes from an emotionally balanced family unit. This subtle hint was common courtesy from a girl with her background."
"English please."
Yao lost his patience, "Ask. Her. Out." You idiot.
And for the first time in his life, Shang felt helpless. He was going to enter completely uncharted territory. An unknown warzone. "I don't know how to ask a girl out."
The three recruit's eyes grew as wide as a saucer before Ling, clearly the love cupid wannabe; smiled knowingly.
"I am sure a sip of blue drink will do no harm."
Mulan had sat by the corner coffee shop for more than two hours. Scrap that, perhaps even three… or four. Thankfully the owner was a really compassionate lady, who let her stay without ordering much. Perhaps the owner was under the impression that she was drinking her heart out after breaking up with her boyfriend. (Because after hours of drinking and no sleep, she bet she looked like a combination of stray cat and opera singer after a week of performance).
She wasn't sure why she was sitting there alone instead of helping Ling, Yao and Chien-Po. But after Shang's spontaneous confession, her heart could bear sitting there looking at his mute form with so many questions running in her head. Did he meant what he say? Or that was…- Anyway, she was saving her comrade from an epic angst session (and potentially soul-wrenching monologue) as if Shang would die without her confessing. But she decided, one way or another, she would have to dig the truth out of him.
Suddenly she was very aware of a very familiar silhouette entering the premises and heading towards the counter. Her heart stopped in her chest. It was unmistakably Shang, although he was looking like someone had just smacked him in the face with a wet fish.
"Shang?"
"Mulan!"
"Ling told me that you are here," he said, pulling the chair ever so casually and sitting in front of her. "Sorry for whatever things I call you in the bar, I was…"
"And I'm sorry too. I guess alcohol had removed brain to mouth filter, " Mulan said sincerely.
"Wait, let me finish…I think I owe you an apology…. And a dinner." That was unexpectedly so eloquent of him, especially considering the same mortal man was lying unconscious merely hours ago. Shang was acutely direct. But again, he was always known as a man of efficiency and precision.
"You are… asking me out?" By then her heart rate must have broken a few speed regulations.
"You've asked me out once… it's only fair if I return the gesture."
Oh. Mulan couldn't hide her disappointed face. So Shang was just returning the favour for that dinner.
"But it's not … This is weird, right? This isn't how … other girls do it, whatever … this isn't how it normally goes?"
Shang laughed. "You are a girl who dressed as a man and beat the hell out of Shan-Yu. Who cares about normal?"
Mulan nodded, his smile small but real. Something stirred in her chest. Now is the perfect time, she thought. No more missed opportunities to find out.
"So.. how do you feel?"
"Fine, I guess…"
Mulan huffed. "No, Shang. I am asking. How do you feel?"
"Oh," the look of realisation cascaded over his face and he blushed a little (which Mulan denied to be totally cute). "You mean…-"
"Yes."
"Well," he scratched the back of his head, looking untypically flustered (which was not adorable! At. All.)
"I'm sorry if I'm a bit callous," he smiled deprecatingly as he averted his eyes. "I'm not that good with women."
If he was, she should be worried.
"My mother died when I was young. I used to stay with various relatives until they, one by one, moved away too. My father is always busy and often away for work, so he appointed Ms. Hua as the house governess. She is quite a strict disciplinarian. I have very little time to socialise." His eyes were hard under a pinched brow, entirely focused on his hands. Mulan had never seen him look so… broken. "So I only have a handful of friends. And being favourably promoted into leadership very early in my career didn't help with that."
The revelation left her feeling sad seeing now that Shang was … lonely, maybe had been for long before Yao, Chien-Po and Ling met him.
"But now you are not," she assured him firmly.
"You have us."
Shang smiled and sat up taller and leaned closer to her to the point she could feel his warm breath against her cheek and whispered, "1 word."
Unfortunately, Mulan's brain was just being fried from the overwhelming emotion from Shang's brutal invasion of her personal space. So before she could get out a word. He grabbed her face between his hands and pressed his lips against hers.
It's a peck, and it lasted a second, and then it's over. Shang leaned back, releasing Mulan's face, and said that one word, "There."
