Chapter 5 – Luke and Leia

Author's Note: Warnings are at the end. :)

Also, yes, Padme nearly died. Anakin did warn her. Lol.

~ Amina Gila


Anakin is unsurprised about the untraceable commlink Obi-Wan is keeping with him, but he's not expecting it when a hologram of Padme appears. "Padme?" Anakin blurts in surprise, tensing.

She looks tired, worn-out, but she feels strangely happy – far more so than he's sensed since everything started falling apart. But she's alive for now, and...

"Anakin," she sounds equally happy to see him. A fond smile crosses her face. "You were right about having a girl, but I was too."

His eyes widen, and for a moment, all he can do is gape. She's saying – "She – the baby was born?" he asks, faintly.

"The babies were born, Anakin," Padme replies, "Luke and Leia both. Luke was first."

He's feels frozen, because – He's – they – "Are you okay?" he asks, distantly.

"I will be," she promises, and he notices how weak her voice sounds, how worn out she looks.

"Will be?" Anakin echoes, fear suddenly clenching in him. He saw her die, can still hear her cries in his nightmares, even if he strangely enough hasn't kept seeing it, and –

"The medical droids say I will need some time to recover," she replies, "But I'll be fine eventually. The babies are okay, too. I told you, you didn't need to worry, Ani."

But that doesn't make any sense because he saw her death. He'd sensed it too, even if he did everything in his power to not accept how inevitable it was. Something changed, though, but he doesn't know what. The visions had stopped, for some reason.

"Worry about what?" Obi-Wan asks, confused.

"He had a vision," Padme replies, before Anakin can say anything, "About me... He can explain it to you if he wants."

Anakin can feel Obi-Wan's gaze on him, but he ignores it, not looking away from Padme. She's alive, and okay, and so are their children.

Children.

He's a father. They have twins. "Can I see them?" Anakin asks.

"One second." He sees the hologram moving, before it stops, hovering near the twins. They're tiny, and – Leia looks like everything he imagined his daughter as looking like. And Luke looks so much like him. They're – they're perfect, and he doesn't know what to say, how to react, but all he wants to do is be there with them, to hold them in his arms – to be the father to them he should be. He already knows he would do anything for them; he already has.

But apparently, he didn't need to. Everything he did, it was for them and Padme, and he didn't need to. To be fair, he doesn't know when the change happened, and a part of him is half-hysterically wondering if Palpatine was able to do something to save her even without Anakin's help, but it's... unlikely. Probably.

"They're... perfect, aren't they?" she asks.

"Yes," Anakin rasps, somehow finding his voice. Luke opens his eyes then, suddenly, wide with confusion and wonder at the strange device near him, or maybe it's at the hologram of Anakin, he doesn't know. But he wants to be with them so badly it physically hurts. This is all he's ever wanted. "Do you need help with them?" he finds himself asking, finally.

They're alive and safe, and he's never been so relieved in his life. But there's so many other emotions tied to that, ones he can't begin to sort through right now. "We can find a way to manage, but I'd much prefer if you were here," Padme replies, turning to give Obi-Wan a pointed look.

"I still can't say that would be safe right now," he replies, as though he isn't calmly denying Anakin the right to be with his own family. Maybe Anakin isn't locked up right now, but he may as well be for how much he feels like a prisoner.

It's worse that this is – this is his master's choice. It's Obi-Wan doing this to him, taking away something he knows is valuable beyond words to Anakin.

"Padme wants to see you. I question the wiseness of it, considering that you have no problem turning on the very family you were raised in."

Obi-Wan words from before echo through his mind. Or is that why? Because he thinks Anakin would be a danger to his own family too, after what happened to the Jedi? How did he even find out about him and Padme in the first place? He doesn't want to think about it. It hurts too much.

The Jedi were still traitors, and none of this changes it, but it doesn't stop that he's suddenly being flooded with guilt, and a crushing depression more than he knows how to handle. It feels wrong to feel this way right now, because this should be the happiest day of his life – the day he became a father. But it isn't.

He is happy, but there's so much else going on...

"And when will it be safe?" Padme demands, sounding no happier.

"I don't know," Obi-Wan replies.

He can feel her frustration, which turns to worry when she looks back at him. "Are you alright, Ani? You don't look good."

"I'm fine," he answers, hollowly.

"You don't look fine."

"I am... recovering." It's not as if he matters right now, anyway. There's so much more he wants to say, but he's not comfortable doing so when they have an audience.

Padme sighs. "I mean aside from that. You look..."

"I don't want to talk about it," is all he manages to say.

She doesn't look any happier with that answer, gaze darting almost questioningly between him and Obi-Wan for a moment. "Alright, but you know you can call whenever you want." As if Obi-Wan would let him. Anakin seriously doubts it, and he's not comfortable even thinking about asking. "This is untraceable, and... Even if we can't be with each other in person right now, at least we can still be together."

"Yeah," he mutters shakily, ignoring how his mind is screaming in protest. It doesn't make up for any of what he's losing right now, and he doesn't know when he'll ever be able to see them in person again. He doesn't know anything, really. He could still try escaping, but without the fear of his family dying hanging over his head, the fear of failing and having to deal with Obi-Wan's reaction is greater than his desire to be free. It's easier not to try. Easier to just stay here and try to be invisible.

Besides, Obi-Wan would just call Padme, and she'd tell him that Anakin was with her, and... He doesn't know. He doesn't know anything, or why he once dreamed that when the war was over, he'd be able to live happily with a family. That has never been true even once in his life, and he questions if it ever will be.

The holocall pretty much ends at that, and Obi-Wan puts the comm away.

Anakin sinks onto the floor, feeling like all remaining energy was zapped out of him. (Yes, he knows what that feels like, too, thank you.) He doesn't want to do anything except sit here and cry. Doesn't have the strength to.

He joined Palpatine to save Padme and their child. He sold his soul for them. He turned on Obi-Wan to save them, except now, there was nothing wrong at all, and he was willing to destroy the Jedi because Palpatine told him to, and he brought the 501st to the Temple. Force knows how many of them survived that. How many... of everyone survived. They were his responsibility.

That means everything he went through was for nothing, and if all his would have happened anyway – if Padme would go into hiding from the Empire and everything, he might as well have... he doesn't know. He doesn't know anything anymore. All he does know is that he feels used and violated in some way he can't begin to understand and just... dirty.

Obi-Wan shifts next to him, and he stops himself from flinching only out of sheer willpower, because moving hurts. He can still feel Obi-Wan's lightsaber on his skin, burning. Hurting him. Obi-Wan was – was supposed to take care of him. He has no idea how they've fallen this far.

"You had a vision?" Obi-Wan asks, frowning. (As usual.)

As though if Anakin wanted to talk to him about it, he wouldn't have already. "I did," he snaps.

"Of what?"

Anakin can't say why he's bothering to answer. "Of – Padme. Like the one about my mother." That's been haunting him ceaselessly even more, now that they're on Tatooine.

His frown only grows. "Why didn't you tell me?"

He asks him that now, after all that's gone down between them the past couple days?! After how he told him his nightmares about his mother were nothing? After he – everything, really. "How could I?" he asks. He doesn't want to have this conversation. He probably should have talked to Obi-Wan in the first place and none of this would have happened. He should have... something. Just something. Anything to not be where he is now. "Master Yoda told me to let them die. He told me –" He cuts himself off, a strangled sob escaping him. He hates himself for crying so much. He hasn't in... well, it's been a very long time. "He told me to rejoice in their deaths. I – I couldn't – I can't." I'm not that cold hearted, he wants to say, except he is. He was going to...

Force. He wishes Obi-Wan had finished it back at the Temple. It's not that he wants to die, but he just doesn't want – can't – live like this.

He wants to be with his family, but Obi-Wan is taking that from him, and he deserves it, because he doesn't deserve to be happy or with his family when he destroyed someone else's, does he?

"And?" Obi-Wan prods. He's doing that again, isn't he? Trying to see how much it will take before Anakin snaps entirely? "That does not explain why you never spoke with me."

"When have you ever gone against the Council?" Anakin shoots back, "When have you ever disagreed with them? When have you ever stood by me?"

"You speak as though you weren't one of us," Obi-Wan says, no small amount of... either bitterness or anger in his tone, Anakin can't quite tell which.

"You know as well as I do that I never was," Anakin retorts, "You pretended I was one of you, but it was all a lie."

"You were always one of us, until you chose to turn your back on the Jedi for a Sith," he snaps.

His master never understands; he never listens to anything he says. Or maybe there's just something wrong with him and he's imagining it. He doesn't know anymore. "You're never going to let me see them, will you?" he questions instead, voice shaking. He loathes how he sounds so defeated.

Obi-Wan is quiet for a long moment. "Perhaps, if you prove yourself trustworthy."

He doesn't even know what that means. "What do you want from me?" he asks, miserably.

"You tried to return to Sidious only last night."

What does he want him to give him?! It's not as if there's anything he even can give him, at this point. He doesn't know if he would even if he could – he's so very tired of constantly giving. "I thought I needed his help to save them," Anakin whispers, trying and failing to even out his breathing. All he wants is to be with his family; it's all been ripped away yet again, and he doesn't know if he ever will be now. (Does he even deserve to be?)

"You thought," Obi-Wan repeats flatly, in that tone, that always makes Anakin start to question his own sanity. (That always makes him feel so worthless and insignificant.) "That Palpatine was going to save Padme's life."

"He promised me."

"And you were foolish enough to believe a Sith Lord," Obi-Wan's tone is snide. "You should know by now the Dark Side does nothing but destroy. Your own actions show that well enough."

"When have I ever done anything except destroy?" Anakin snaps back, "That is the only reason the Council was willing to accept me – because they wanted to use me. I was their weapon. I was your weapon."

"You were my brother," Obi-Wan retorts sharply, "Until you chose this. I taught you to do far more than 'destroy.'"

For a moment, his mind screeches to a halt, because what?! Obi-Wan has never said or so much as implied that he feels towards Anakin in a... familial manner, but the fact that he says this only how after everything, instead of back when it would have actually mattered, makes him furious. "You don't," Anakin denies. "You can't – you wouldn't have done this if you cared." His hand hovers lightly over the stab wound – it's not blackened anymore, thanks to the bacta Obi-Wan put on it, but it's still deep and the entire area is swollen. Normally, it'd be nothing, But the fact that Obi-Wan did it is...

"I had to stop you," he replies, icily, "You gave me no choice."

"Like Ahsoka never gave me one?" Anakin yells. "She was trying to kill me for absolutely no reason, and I never hurt her! Even when the Council sent me to chase her down."

"She never embraced the Dark Side," he defends.

"We didn't know that! You told me she did." He's shaking now, and he tries to push himself to his feet if only to get them on even ground, but he feels weak, and his limbs are shaking enough that he drops back to the floor.

A flicker of concern flits across Obi-Wan's face. It's the first time in a while he's shown anything of that nature. His master reaches for him, and the move is sudden and fast enough that Anakin has to forcibly stop himself from pulling back instinctively – part of his mind whispering that Obi-Wan is going to hurt him, except his master would never do that because it's not who he is. Instead, his hand lays against Anakin's forehead, just feeling, the same way he did last night.

He leans into it, the rare moment of human contact. He wants more. It's been so lonely since he came here, and it's making him feel... isolated. It doesn't help how there's a part of him that wants to curl up in his master's lap and just sleep.

"You should rest," Obi-Wan tells him, and somehow that stings more than anything else he could have said, because it doesn't hold the underlying worry or exasperation or annoyance that it always once did. Instead, it's cold. Hard.

He's hurting as much as Anakin is.

They both lost the only lives they ever knew.

Anakin wishes there was something he could do about it, but that's also something beyond his reach.

He suspects the only reason Obi-Wan doesn't pull away immediately is because he feels the same about the limited human contact he's had.

Something in his master's eyes looks... pained in a way he's never seen before. He can't shake the distinct feeling something else is wrong he doesn't know about. Hesitantly, Anakin reaches up to touch his wrist. "Are you alright?" he asks. It's such a stupid question, but he doesn't know how else to say it.

Obi-Wan pulls away, shaking himself from whatever it was he got lost in. "Lay down. I'll finish up outside."

Anakin knows better than to argue, but he can't stop thinking about it either. Something is wrong, and he doesn't know what. Something happened that he doesn't know about.

**w**

"The years have made you weak."

"I see through the lies of the Jedi."

"I hate you!"

"You were my brother, Anakin."

"I am what you made me."

"Now you will suffer, Obi-Wan."

The images of Mustafar and Mupazo swim in front of his eyes, blurred together. Maybe it's easier knowing it wasn't Anakin who did any of it, but his mind has yet to fully accept that.

Something touches his arm, and Obi-Wan jolts awake, instinctively jerking away from the figure hovering next to him through the darkness, because what, why is there someone here, he was –

"Obi-Wan?"

Anakin's voice.

"Anakin?" he asks, trying to shake the sounds of screams and fire from mind, his mind rapidly trying to catch up to where he really is.

"Are you alright?"

The figment of his imagination doesn't disappear because – right. He's – he's in the past. And he isn't with Anakin, because that isn't him even if Obi-Wan suddenly wonders from the that look of concern he can see, shining in his blue eyes, even through the darkness. Assuming he's really in the past and this isn't his imagination. For a moment, he could almost wonder.

Obi-Wan pushes himself up, eyeing Vader through the darkness. He's had enough nightmares to know how to try and shake them off, and when that brilliant presence is right beside him – Anakin or not – it gives him something else to focus on faster.

It would be easier to look at him and say "Vader" if he didn't look so... worried, and if not for earlier this afternoon when he'd, strangely enough, asked him the same question.

Every time he's looked at him, all he could see was Vader, remembering everything he'd done even in the future, and it didn't quite click until right now that... they're not entirely the same. Not yet. Anakin may have already lost himself, but he isn't quite as far gone as Vader was in his time. At least not yet. Unless it's just Obi-Wan trying to see what isn't there, again.

"Why are you awake?" he asks instead.

Vader draws back a little, looking an odd mixture of uncomfortable and uncertain. "I could sense you," he answers, quietly. He looks a little better than earlier, Obi-Wan notes idly.

Now that he's awake, he doesn't want to sleep again. More than that, he doubts he could, at least not with Vader right beside him. No matter if he's not as dark as the... other one. He doesn't know what he'd say, anyway. Their interactions are beyond awkward now. He didn't expect anything else. Hesitantly, he lays back down, only because he doesn't know what else to do.

Vader rolls onto his side, holding himself oddly tense. It takes Obi-Wan a moment to remember why. Seeing the look of pain and fear and vulnerability on Anakin's face at that moment when he stabbed him had hurt. It hurt then as much as it did on Mustafar. Hesitantly, clearly awkwardly, Vader reaches out, his mechanical hand touching Obi-Wan's wrist.

He stills, looking from the Sith's hand to meet his eyes. He looks... Obi-Wan can't quite name it, but this hurts. It's – He wants Anakin back so fiercely for a moment he can hardly handle it.

He can't say what it is – maybe it's almost an instinctive reaction, with how much he wants this, even if he knows it's in the past forever – that makes him take his hand.

He traces his fingers over the gloved hand – he knew it's feels so well from the Clone Wars, but the last time he remembers touching it was Mustafar, when Vader nearly strangled him to death.

Anakin is gone, though, but Obi-Wan can't stop seeing him everywhere. Right now, he can see Anakin with such clarity, it makes him want to weep.

He can't help reaching for him with his other hand, laying it on Anakin's cheek. They're not this... intimate with one another, but he finds he doesn't care. He wants this. He traces his fingers across Anakin's jaw.

"Master," he asks, leaning into Obi-Wan's touch, "What's wrong?"

He doesn't know how to answer that. It's not something he ever thought he'd have to explain. It... Except the question jars his mind back to present. This isn't Anakin, and he needs to remember that. Obi-Wan automatically pulls back, trying to ignore the way he senses a flare of pain and frustration shoot through the other. This isn't his Anakin. It's not his friend. It's not his brother, his light, his star, his... everything.

"I'm sorry," Vader says shakily. "I didn't mean... for it to go this far. For any of it. You're right. I – I have no excuse. I should have known better. I just..." He closes his eyes, breathing out, shuddering. "I don't want things to stay like this, Master. I know you're angry, but I can't... live like this."

He has no idea how to respond to that. He never thought about how Vader felt about this. He's been too overwhelmed with seeing him again and with the fact that he's in the past and that the Jedi are gone, and... everything, really. He's ten years in the past, and Padme is alive again, and Luke and Leia are ten years younger. The first decade he spent on Tatooine was for nothing.

Vader – he looks so much like Anakin – pulls his arm back, searching Obi-Wan's face for something. He doesn't know what.

"What is it you want?" Obi-Wan asks finally.

The lighting is too dim to see the look on the other's face. "I don't know. Just to stop... hurting."

Obi-Wan doesn't really know what to say to that. In truth, he didn't bring Vader here to help him, it was to make sure he wasn't a danger – and keep him from going back to Sidious. He doesn't know how to help him either. He doesn't even know if it's possible. "I don't have a way of giving you that."

Vader looks away, saying nothing.

A heavy silence falls between them, and he tries to focus on something other than the constant ache in his chest, of how much he wants Anakin back. He'd grown used to it, as "used to it" as he thinks he could ever be but being back here has reawakened everything.

It doesn't matter, though. The only thing they can do is continue doing what he has been this whole time: trying to live here.

**w**

Everything from last night keeps haunting Anakin, leaving him thoroughly worn, even if he's been sleeping for hours. He doesn't know what's wrong with Obi-Wan, but it's definitely something. He's never seen him have nightmares before, and if he has, they certainly never distressed him that much, that Anakin could feel it so keenly.

Through their bond he'd picked up flashes of something. Things that felt significant somehow, though they made no sense to him. He'd seen a brief flicker of his own face – full of pain and fear – but there was more. An armored cyborg. And fire. Nothing that made sense.

It feels like he's missing something major, but he can't fathom what that could even be.

He hardly has the energy to try and figure it out either, especially not with the guilt eating at him. He's still sick, too, even if maybe it's getting better. He – he just wants things to change with Obi-Wan, but he doubts that will ever happen. Any caring his former master shows him now is fleeting, as though he quickly remembers how angry he should be with him.

It hurts, even if he deserves it. Even if he – He can't handle this, though. Not for the indefinite future. Not forever.

"Obi-Wan?" Anakin asks finally, when they're working through more of their mechanical madness. They haven't actually started arguing yet today, but he's still reluctant to initiate a conversation.

"What?" It's that same clipped tone again. Anakin tries and fails to smother the sting.

"How long have we been here?"

"Several days."

So, he wasn't unconscious any longer than it seemed. None of this makes sense. "We don't have unlimited supplies here," he points out slowly, "We cannot stay in here forever."

"We can find work in the town once you're better," he replies, "You can't go anywhere right now."

It's only a 'we' because Obi-Wan doesn't trust him enough to let him out of his sight. He's not surprised but it... Everything hurts.

Obi-Wan's clearly done a lot of thinking on how they're going to survive here, though. When did he learn so much about Tatooine anyway?

WARNING: Emotionally abusive relationships

Final Notes: If you want to join our Discord to receive updates or just hang out, here's the invite link, and please delete the spaces! :) discord . gg / nqSxuz2

You can find us on tumblr at fanfictasia (which is our more serious blog which does have controversial posts on it; I won't be offended if you choose to block it, promise), and disastertriowriting (which is our fun blog with crack posts or incorrect SW quotes; we also advertise our SW gift exchanges on there)

And! We have a YT channel for tributes! Please delete the spaces in the link. :D youtube channel / UC_g1M5rSCxJUzQCRS29B6pA

Finally, if you're interested, you can submit a SW gift fic request via the following form (delete the spaces): forms . gle / rmXWtRomMMaULuPa6