CH.12

It was early evening by the time Buffy came back down from her room. It wasn't her choice but the need for food had become too much.

Sneaking down the stairs, listening for voices, making sure not to make any noise, it was moments like these that assured her she was the perfect slayer. She was built for this. Stealth was something that should be coined from her.

Peering into the kitchen to make sure the coast was clear she walked in and went straight for the fridge. Grabbing the first thing she could reach she was out the back door taking a seat on the steps, relishing the newly darkened sky and the cool breeze.

Why did I ream Xander so bad earlier? She asked herself for the millionth time that day. In her heart she knew why she had done it. She was defending someone she loved. But for some reason her brain couldn't comprehend that. It wanted logic not feelings and emotions.

A soft meow brought her back out of her thoughts. Looking down she couldn't help but let out a small 'aawww' at the sight of the small black and white face.

"What are you doing out here hmmm?" she cooed at the small ball of fur as she picked it up. "Oohoo you're so tiny" she continued to say.

As if talking back the small kitten meowed rubbing its small fuzzy head against her thumb.

"Are you hungry? Hmm little fur ball?" Setting the kitten on her lap she takes a piece of ham from the sandwich she stole, placing it in front of her new little friend. "You need it more then I do it seems."

As the kitten ate the meat in greedy bites Buffy scratched its back, running her fingers through the soft fur.

"You know I'm suppose to be out there right now. Protecting the ones who need to be protected. But honestly? I don't care. I could easily walk back into the house and not give a glace back. And yet I don't. I keep going out and risking my life for people who don't even care. I died and nothing changed. People are still killing each other, and things didn't get better. Why should I even keep trying?" She was exhausted. Not physically, but mentally. She was drowning under the pressure of trying to fight the good fight when she no longer believed in it.

The kitten meowed, looking up at her with big eyes. It melted her heart. "Things like you are why I still go out." Rubbing its little body causing it to purr loudly. "Is that not sad? I fight for kittens? Not to mention I'm having a heart to heart with one." Laughing quietly to herself, "what is wrong with me?"

She sat there for the next few minutes petting her new friend until its tiny form went lax in her hands.

Angel walked out the back door, taking a seat beside her on the steps. Glances down at her lap before looking at her with curiosity. "Who's your friend?"

Shrugging some, still watching the kitten sleep. "Dunno… it was out here when I came out and I felt bad." Nodding some she continues, "Its kinda cute you know? For a cat."

"Yea." Reaching out he scratches behind its ear causing it to purr again.

Grinning at him, "I think she likes you."

"How do you know it's a she?"

"Well…Because I say so is why." And the childish come back award goes to-

Angel chuckles some. "I see. So you going to keep it?"

Buffy opened her mouth then stopped. Keep it? She hadn't even thought about that. How could she keep a kitten? She couldn't even keep her sister home let alone take care of something this small. But every time she looked down at it her heart went out to it. "I guess I could… what do you think?"

"I think if you want it you should keep it. Plus" he picks it up from her lap, holding it close to his face, "how could you say now to a face like this?" Giving his best innocent face while keeping the kitten scooped in his hands.

The sight was more then she could take. Giggles soon erupted from her as she rolled her eyes. "Well who could say not to that!" Eyeing him some, "If I didn't know better I'd say you were attached to it as well…tell me Angel…do you have a soft spot for the small and furry?"

Chuckling, "You caught me!" Looks around as if looking for people. "Don't tell anyone, it'll ruin my tough guy look." Grins a dazzling grin. Enjoying the friendly banter between them.

Buffy smiled, looking out at the night sky. Why cant people see how great he is? How he makes things less complicated and how much I miss him? She thought.

"Kitten for your thoughts" he said, offering the small creature.

Sighing deeply, she takes the kitten back, letting her hands linger in his larger cold ones for a second or two longer then needed. Bringing the kitten back to her lap. "I was just thinking about how different things have become."

Frowning some, "How do you mean."

"Just-" sighing in frustration, unsure how to say what she's thinking, "I just don't know how we got here. What changed to lead us to this point?" Looking at him, searching his eyes for the answer. "Was it me? Did I do something to drive you away? I tried to understand but Angel…I didn't…I don't. Did I do something wrong? Was it me?"

His mind was trying to wrap around what she was saying but there seemed to be a mental road block keeping him from understanding. She thinks it was her fault, her fault that i…she thinks I left because of- and then it clicked. "Oh Buffy, no… I-"

"Did I push you away? I push everyone away. My mom, Dawn, my friends. And I tried so hard to keep you but did I push you away? Did I not love you enough? Please Angel tell me what I did, I want to know…I need to know." The tears that welled up were involuntary. She hadn't meant to go this hard but her mouth had a mind of its own.

He did the only thing he knew to stop her. He hugged her. Pulling her close against his chest. "It was never you Buffy." Leaning back just enough to look in her eyes but keeping her in his arms still, "I love you, I loved you then and I love you now. Nothing could ever change that you understand?"

A slight nod urged him to continue. "You did nothing wrong. You are the kindest, funniest, most beautiful girl-woman I have ever known." Tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear, "I left because I didn't want to hold you back. I know it sounds like a line but its not. I wanted you to have the best life you could and I knew if I stayed you wouldn't."

"I didn't Angel… I-"

Shushing her some, pulling her back to his chest, resting his head on hers. "I know, and if I had known it would have been this hard on you….I…I would have stayed in town even if we hadn't stayed together. Buffy you are an amazing, loving person. You just have to remember that." Kissing the top of her head, "let me help you remember."

Buffy response was a mumbled something in his chest. He couldn't make it out but since she wasn't trying to push him away he figured it was some form of an okay. "I'm so sorry you hurt." With another kiss to her head he felt her shudder. "Are you okay?" he pulled back, looking at her with concern all over his face.

Biting her lip, nodding, "yea…I… it just licked me." Looks down weakly at the now awake kitten on her lap.

Chuckling. "Oh."

Smiling more. "Yea…"

After a minute or two she couldn't help but think oh great more awkward silence…my favorite. She had single handedly ruined the moment they had been having. A few more second went by before she quietly asked, "did you…did you mean what you said?"

Angel smiles at her, "every word." With that he slips one arm around her waist, scooting her beside him.

Buffy lays her head on his arm and sighs, taking much comfort in him. Letting the kitten walk across her lap and on to his and back.

"So are you going to keep him?" he asked, wiggling his fingers at it.

Smiling at him, unable to take her eyes off him playing with the small fragile creature on her lap. "Yea I'm going to keep her" grinning more. "I mean you seem to like her so much it would be cruel not to keep her."

"How kind of you" he quips, letting the kitten gnaw on one of his fingers. "Do you know what you want to call it?"

A thoughtful look appearing on her face, "uh… I like Wednesday… but that's too Adams Family"

"Too what?"

Eyeing him playfully, "Did you not live at?" Smiling an actual smile. "Okay so maybe Oreo… but is that too predictable since it's a black and white kitten?"

"I think its perfect." Petting the kitten, looking up at her. "Oreo it is?"

A few more seconds of thinking, but finally nodding. "Yea Oreo it is." Looking at the little thing, "Isn't that right Oreo? Hmm? Yea." Giggling as it licks her finger.

"I think this is a start of a beautiful friend ship." He nods, watching them interact.

Buffy laughs, "you big sap! If people only knew you as well as I do."

Angel laughs as well, "I don't think any one will." Smiling at her, still has his arm around her waist.

Sighing contently as she lays her head back against his shoulder, "I think I can live with that."

AN: yea I felt bad for not giving you guys any chapters for a while then giving you a super short one before so HERE! It's longer! ) THANKS for the reviews too!