Alex woke with a start. She had been having a lot of stress-dreams since London. They weren't quite nightmares; she didn't wake in abject fear and terror, and she could usually fall back asleep after a minute. But they did interrupt her sleep and left her miserable in the morning. She couldn't shake her stress and anxiety. She had the feeling that something was wrong, and there wasn't anything she could do about it. She tried to pretend that there was, yet she couldn't even lie to herself. Nathan could easily tell she was struggling. He woke next to her in bed and instantly tried to comfort her, "You've been stressed lately. What's on your mind?"
Sighing, Alex tried to relax in Nathan's arms. Lying her head on his chest and listening to his heart beat did calm her down. She was able to breathe and settle her nerves. However, she couldn't turn her brain off. Maybe after a few more minutes, she could settle into some sort of doze. Nathan was caressing her softly, and she could feel herself melting in his warm embrace. Her thoughts just wouldn't silence, especially since her boyfriend had asked her to open up. She couldn't ignore it any longer. She had to say something, find some sort of relief, "Have you ever just felt like you've gotten in way over your head?"
"What'd you get yourself into?" Nathan asked quietly. Alex sighed again. A part of her almost considered telling him everything. He had taken her excuses and half-truths in the past. But there had to be a point where he wouldn't take her avoidance any longer. She also couldn't continue lying to him. She felt guilty everytime she did. Although she knew it was important to keep Nathan in the dark to keep him safe, she felt guilty hiding so much from him. It didn't seem fair to be in a relationship with someone who didn't know the real her. She had to confess. She had to tell Nathan everything.
"I don't even know anymore," If only the words didn't get caught in her throat, then Alex could've found relief from everything. Nathan probably couldn't solve her problems with Division and Semak. But he'd be a great sounding board. She could vent to him, and he could comfort her. Bottling everything up was going to kill her faster than anything else. Her stress needed to be handled. Yet she didn't have the courage to bare herself to Nathan. What if he didn't like the real her. What if he left her all alone.
"Is there a way you can escape it?" Wrapping his arms tighter around her, Nathan wondered. Alex tried to hide by burrowing into his side. If only that was a real means of escape. She would love nothing more than to hide forever in her boyfriend's warmth. Revenge certainly didn't exist there. There was no death, no heartbreak, no disasters, no fear. She could just live peacefully and without any hint of anxiety. Unfortunately, life didn't work like that. She had gotten herself into that mess; she had made that deal, and she had been hellbent on getting revenge on both Semak and Division. There was no escape.
"I don't know," Alex didn't feel as defeated as she probably should've. There were a lot of negatives pulling her under. Yet the prospect of murdering the man responsible for her parents' death held her afloat. She didn't care how she got there- just that she did. Even if she got burned by Division, she wouldn't care as long as Semak was dead. With the way things were going, though, Division might burn her soon. She had to complete her revenge as soon as possible. She couldn't wait on Division anymore. She needed to find a way to steal the resources they promised and strike on her own.
Although she was determined to start getting her revenge, Alex didn't move from Nathan's arms for a while. Her desire to pretend everything was normal and warm and safe outweighed her need to kill Semak just for a little bit. Then she had to get out of bed and meet with the rogues. They needed to talk to her about something important. It probably had to do with her role in London. She wanted to discuss that as well. She still had no answers for it; Amanda never explained further. Alex was still so concerned about it, especially since no one else in Division seemed to care.
Kelly didn't seem to mind that Alex had replaced her on a rogue mission. And Percy hadn't questioned her debrief. He had accepted every lie, then had ordered her to go home and heal her broken arm. That was the same response she received from Amanda. Alex didn't like how easy it all was. She could've been paranoid. However, she fully believed something was wrong. The team of rogues agreed with her, after all. They immediately mentioned the situation in Division as soon as she entered the loft, "Hey. We've been thinking about your deal with Division. Maybe it's not for the best."
"You think I'm gonna get screwed?" Alex responded to Nikita. She probably was already being screwed over by Division- especially by Amanda. Ever since her detox after she had been held in the brothel, Alex had the feeling that Amanda was planning something. But Division couldn't back out of their deal. They wanted Semak dead almost as much as she did. She had intimate knowledge, and she was well trained. There was no reason not to use her as a weapon. Unless there was more to the deal than she thought.
"Or you could die," Michael wasn't trying to scare Alex as he replied. He was simply being realistic. Division loved to burn their assets when they were done with them. The instant a source, a witness, an agent was of no use, they were canceled. The same thing was going to happen to Alex. She might claim that she didn't care about her life as long as Semak died. Yet others cared. Also, Michael was certain that with Nathan and the rogues in her life, Alex had changed her attitude regarding her death. After he realized he wasn't alone (which honestly took him too long) he had changed his mind. She could too.
"I can't just leave, can I?" Alex couldn't believe she was considering escape. Yes, she wanted to hide with Nathan. But that was different- wasn't it. She wanted to kill Semak, and she knew Division's resources could help her. However, was it really worth being an agent. She had the killer training, and she had information about Gogol and Zetrov from the rogues. What did Division give her besides an Alpha team. She could maybe go without that. Especially if it might lead to her death. She could argue how much she didn't care about her life, yet others did.
"We can fake your death. Give you a new ID. Help you kill Semak with resources that won't doublecross you," Nikita seemed to already have some sort of plan in place. She glanced at a packet on the computer desk, yet she didn't show it to Alex. The young agent began to believe that the rogues had thought about her escape from Division for a while. They simply waited for her to make a decision. She wondered what the rogues really thought of her deal. How dangerous did they consider it. Did they think it was worth it. Obviously, they believed revenge was. But what was the true cost of getting vengeance.
"Do you really think that's what Amanda's doing? She's trying to set me up so Percy will cancel me?" Glancing between Michael and Nikita, Alex wondered. The rogues knew Amanda a lot more than Alex did. Would she go through all those games just to back out of the deal and cancel Alex. If the young agent wasn't following the cookie cutter mold of Division, maybe. But that theory seemed thin. It was more plausible that Amanda might've been trying to make a secondary deal with her. When she wasn't angling for something, she was kind and affectionate towards Alex. She could consider making a deal with her; the thought wasn't too outrageous.
Michael and Nikita didn't say anything for a minute. They were trying to think what Amanda could be up to. What she was doing with Alex reminded Nikita of the special attention she had paid her. It was almost as if she was trying to form her own soldier within the walls of Division- someone on her side instead of Percy's. It wasn't clear why she needed one, however. Or why she'd need Alex, who never thought of Division as her home, just a means to an end. Maybe she had something else in mind, like a game to catch a rat, "Could she be onto you?"
"What if she is?" Alex asked quietly. Sean could've said something to Amanda when he was spying on Alex that tipped her off. Or, the young agent could've accidentally said something while she was high and detoxing. If Amanda knew she was helping the rogues, it made sense why she sent her on that mission; she needed concrete evidence that Alex was a mole. What if, by being the only survivor, Alex had proven Amanda right. She might've had a broken arm, but the rogues had won, and another box was destroyed. Alex really was screwed.
"Then we gotta get you out of there," Michael decided easily. Alex wasn't dead yet. Amanda might not have had all the evidence she needed to kill the young agent yet. But she could soon. The rogues didn't have any time to waste. They already had a new fake ID for Alex; they simply needed to plan her escape. After she laid low for a bit, maybe she could continue her revenge mission. The recruit Nikita had saved, Sara, was living happily and healthily in her new life; she only had to be completely off grid for a little while before Division forgot all about her. Alex could have the same life.
Collapsing on the lone bed in the room, Alex felt as though she should just admit defeat. She thought she had been so smart. She thought she had had everything under control. She had completely believed that she had been duping everybody- that she had become a far better agent than Division ever could've trained her to be. She had thought that was the kind of agent who could kill Semak so easily. Nothing should've been in her way. She was so powerful, and she was going to get everything she wanted. However, the only person she had been duping was herself. Alex wasn't smart- far from it, "I thought I had it under control."
"In Division, never," Sitting next to Alex, Nikita attempted to comfort her. The young agent had been smart, careful, and in control for some time. However, Division never allowed anyone else to be in control for long. They'd find out the truth eventually and squash it under their heel. It wasn't Alex's fault that she had been caught. She couldn't have prepared and guarded against all the tricks Division would do to discover what she was hiding; no one could. She should just feel lucky that she had a chance to escape before anything horrific happened.
"Then how do I get out? Just fake my death? That seems too simple. Besides, when I kill Semak, they'll know I'm alive and will come after me," Alex shook her head. A faked death worked for a recruit like Sara, yet Alex was too high-profile. Division wanted her. There was no easy way for her to get out. Besides, even if there was, who was to say that Division wouldn't go after Nathan or Sean in the aftermath. Well, they certainly would go after her suspected boyfriend. She didn't know why she was concerned about Sean all of a sudden. He'd be fine. She should only worry about herself and Nathan.
"They're coming after us anyway," Nikita didn't have an actual answer for Alex. Escaping Division definitely wasn't a long term solution for her, not unless the rogues burnt the place to the ground. They could save Alex (her boyfriend too if it came to it), they could help her accomplish her goals, and they could ensure that she had the life she really deserved. The rogues were constantly trying to fight for the future they wanted, of course they could do that for Alex too. She had done all she could to help them. They had to return the favor.
"Once we destroy all the black boxes, we won't have to worry about Division anymore," Michael attempted to give Alex more hope. They already had two black boxes destroyed. And with Owen's intel on Guardians and Birkhoff's always scanning computer programs, they could find the others soon. Percy would have nothing protecting him from the full force of the rogues. They could kill him, and Division would fall. Michael honestly had no idea how they were going to kill Percy once the black boxes were destroyed. Yet, hopefully, an opportunity would present itself once his protection was gone.
"But how much time do we actually have to do any of that?" Alex wanted nothing more than to believe in Michael's hope. If the rogues kept raging their war as they were, Division could burn. But it wouldn't be immediately. There were so many things that had to be taken care of before the war could actually end. It could take another few years to wrap everything up. The team didn't have that time. Alex definitely didn't. She needed revenge- satisfaction for her rage- as soon as possible. She couldn't allow Semak to live for a few more years; she couldn't even allow him to live a few more months. There was no time in that war.
Nikita sighed deeply. The rogues were always running against time. They didn't have the luxury to sit around and think. They just had to act and react over and over again. Anything they did plan for had to be changed on the fly while out in the field anyway. They could scheme, they could form ideas, but it always boiled down to just acting. Getting Alex out of Division, unfortunately, wasn't any different. They could only try their best to think beforehand, then simply break her out when they could. The cast on her arm gave them some time, since she'd be away from Division for a while. But that was all they had, "We can just plan for the best."
Despite the dejected way Nikita responded, Alex found herself sitting up straighter. Overthinking and overanalyzing everything was the reason she was so stressed and anxious. Maybe just doing her best could see her the rest of the way through. She could rely on both her instincts and her intelligence. That had saved her in the brothel and on the streets. Division wasn't any different. She was simply lucky enough to have allies then. And she was going to use their help as much as she could, "Might as well start now."
