I am so sorry for the late update! I wrote 3 different versions of this chapter before solidifying how exactly I knew Jane would act, and was able to write her justly according to the character I created, so yay!


Seven: These Non-Terrible Things

Jane's POV

I changed my mind about 100 times in the span of a few hours before never really making up my mind, but having to live with it nonetheless.

At this point my head was spinning. I had never wanted a man or human or object to kiss me so much in my entire life, and yet I had basically begged him not to. It was because I wanted him to kiss me so much that I couldn't ever have him do it, and yet here I was, completely losing sight of how terribly this would definitely end and instead inviting him over at 3 am, like that wouldn't be pushing the boundaries to the extreme.

All I wanted was to go on a date with Seth, and after he almost kissed me, I hadn't been able to stop thinking about it for longer than five seconds at a time. Only, the more I thought about it, the more I realized how terrible of an idea it was. Seth and I weren't even in a relationship, and yet I was consistently losing my mind about him. It would only get worse if I let it. It would hurt Seth when I cancelled, but it would help him in the long-run.

Only, I could not help the doom seeping through my veins to be accompanied by something else, and that something was happier. It made me jittery and nervous, and brought on butterflies that flew around in my stomach at a surprising speed. I was so excited for tonight.

And so I was stuck in this completely confusing battle in my mind between two choices that couldn't be more opposite. On one hand, I wanted to set up a romantic fort in front of the fireplace and make passionate love to him all night long. On the other, less novelistic and more realistic hand, I realized that we were one, not in love, and two, I was definitely not ready not ready to lose my virginity tonight when I wasn't even able to let Seth kiss me.

What was the worst that could happen? I asked myself, only the answers were actually too much to bear. In fact, I could think of every terrible, humiliating, gut-wrenching way that we could end, it was the good that was harder for me to conjure up.

The thing is, I didn't care, and that terrified me more than anything.

I laid down on my bed and stared out the window at the moon that was illuminating my room in a bright, blue glow. I took deep breaths as I willed myself not to cry. Romance novels lied. This wasn't fun. Nothing about this was fun.

I pressed my eyes tightly together and then rolled onto my stomach, burying my face in my pillow.


I awoke to the sound of rain pelting against the roof, lulling me from a deep sleep. I rubbed my eyes and stared out at the darkness. The moon was still bright, the sky even blacker than before. The sound of the rain forced my eyes closed again, but the promise of Seth coming back made me sit up.

I took a deep breath and then rolled my neck from side to side, checking the alarm clock next to my bed, that flashed 4:39 in bright, red letters across my screen. I blinked a few times at the blurry numbers, making sure that I was reading right, before realizing that Seth must not have been coming.

That hurt more than I would have cared to admit.

Now, I moaned. I was in yesterday's clothes, makeup on, and my head hurt because I fell asleep with a ponytail in. I stood up, waited for my tunnel vision to adjust to the new position, and then headed for my bathroom. I pulled my hair out of the ponytail and tried not to yelp when I accidentally ripped some of my hair out; not that I was too upset about losing any of it because, let's face it, I had some to lose. I moaned at my appearance. Well, I was up now; I might as well be productive.

I brushed my teeth, washed my face clean, and then stripped out of my clothes and bra to slip on a long tee-shirt. I had so much schoolwork and a good amount of household items that needed attending to, but I knew that I needed to play first. If I ever felt this need to play, I had found over the years that anything that I tried to do would be absolutely, positively pointless until I got it out of my system. It was like it sat in my head, the notes that I would play and the melody that I would make until I let it out of me, and until then it would drive me mad.

Once when mom, dad and I would go on family vacations, we got stranded up in a cabin with no wifi or cell-service up on a mountain in Colorado due to a snow storm. We were snowed in for a week before we were able to get a flight home, and in that time I literally thought I was going to lose my mind. I didn't have a piano, and I think both my parents and I realized that I wouldn't be able to live without it.

I descended the dark stairway down to my kitchen, and didn't bother turning the lights on as I walked into the living room. I smiled at the view, because that beautiful, bright moon was doing wonders for the piano tonight; it literally looked as if it had a spotlight on it just for me.

Not for the first time, I was in awe and a bit overwhelmed at the perfection of the baby grand that could do the most magnificent things with just the littlest of touches. I ran my finger along the edge of the smooth, shiny surface and admired it for a moment before sitting down.

I pulled the bench closer to the piano, to the perfect position, took a deep breath, and then hovered my fingers over the keys like I always did. This was my favorite part, imagining what was about to happen, the adrenaline shooting through my veins, the feelings readying that were shacked up and locked away inside of me about to be set free.

I could hardly contain myself.

I pressed my fingers into the keys timidly at first, but the immediately my eyes closed and my fingers ran away from me. It was like my brain was spilling out onto the keys. I wasn't thinking anything except for yes, yes, yes, as Beethoven's Tempest Sonata filled the air around me. And then once that ended, I couldn't stop.

What always happened, happened again, and after that song another one flowed right out of me, running together perfectly as if there wasn't a break between the pieces at all, and instead, it was one big, emotional story. From happy to desperate to sad and lonely, it all continued together, telling the truth behind what I never admitted to anyone, not even myself.

Time stood still in my mind, and before I knew it, hours passed when my fingers slowly began to lose power and propensity. I let the last notes linger longer than they needed to, but that was for selfish reasons, really. I never wanted to stop. Not ever. If I had a choice I would play until my fingers bled, and I had done that before. But I had to stop, because this was a dreamland, and life was waiting. This was easy, but life... life was harder.

Silence echoed around me as I took a deep, trembling breath and then slowly opened my eyes. I stared down at the keys, still hearing the echoes of the notes in my ears even though they weren't there anymore. I had an urge inside of me to keep playing. My soul wasn't satisfied yet. I had more to give. More. More. More.

I forced my hands off of the keys and into my lap, and then I suddenly gasped back. There was a large, black shadow hiding in the midst of darkness next to the windows.

"I- I'm sorry," Seth quickly stood. He had been sitting on a chair, right in my peripheral vision, and I hadn't even noticed him.

"Seth?" I attempted to control my breathing. "How- How long have you been there?"

Seth's mouth opened but then it closed. With every passing second of my eyes beginning to adjust to the light I was able to make out his features better, but Seth had beautiful, rich, dark skin, so his expression was still a mystery to me.

"Long enough," He finally answered. "Jane, that was... wow."

I diverted my eye contact. "You weren't supposed to hear that," I said quietly, suddenly embarrassed. I had a habit of completely losing myself when I played, which is why I hated performing for people. It used to be a big fight among my parents and teachers; if I had this amazing gift, they could not understand why I wouldn't want to share it with the world. But it was my gift; I didn't need anyone else to hear it.

"Why not?" Seth stood, walking over to me. I stiffened, sitting up straighter, as he sat down facing the opposite direction as me, right next to me on the stool. It seemed like sacred, intimate ground that he was treading on. He was in my space when I was most vulnerable. He had just witnessed a completely unguarded, mess of my emotions, those of which I never would have showed him if I knew he was in the room.

"I thought you weren't coming," I averted his question.

"I told you," Seth's eyes softened. "Sometimes my friend's emergencies run late."

"What was the emergency?" I whispered.

"Something possibly dangerous that I had to help take care of."

I tilted my face towards him. "Did it have to do with the other night?" I asked.

Seth smiled gently at me. "It doesn't matter. What matters is that you're safe. I'll never let anything hurt you, Jane. No matter what it is."

My face fell, and suddenly, I was staring at his perfect, masculine but still somehow soft features illuminated by the glowing moon. His lips were so perfectly formed into a heart, I just had to taste them.

I leaned in, because all rational thought had left me long ago when I had lost myself on the third song. I forgot to be afraid, but I knew I should be.

I pulled back just a little. "Don't hurt me," I whispered to him, honesty forcing my eyes up to meet his.

"I won't, Jane. I couldn't," Seth whispered back, and I didn't understand what he meant, but it wasn't enough to keep me from leaning in closer. Seth leaned in too, so close that I could smell his scent. He smelled like dirt and sweat and laundry detergent. It was so intoxicatingly sexy that my world turned on its axis just a little bit. Time stopped, kind of like when I play, and all I could feel was his hot, hot breath against my lips.

My lips were quivering now, shaking, even. I was falling down a deep, deep hole that I knew I needed to stop and try to crawl out of, but I couldn't keep from drowning in it.

I leaned in just a tiny bit, gently brushing my lips against his, and then in that instant of a thousand tiny, little pleasure needles poking every nerve in my entire body, Seth pressed his mouth entirely against my own.

His lips were softer than I ever could have imagined, and he was so gentle, and even timid at first. I felt a small brush of air when he quickly brought his hand up, but then hesitated with it in the air before gently placing it on my cheek. God, that felt incredible. Seth was so warm, and the way that he cupped my cheek in his hand and rubbed his thumb against my skin as he delicately pressed his lips into my own made my entire being melt.

I pressed in closer to him, deepening the kiss, loving the way that he felt and smelled and touched me, and then, annoyed with the fact that we were in different directions, I slowly lifted my leg overtop of the stool, and then shifted closer to him, straddling the stool. Seth turned so that he was facing me, and then his hands slipped behind my back to pull me closer. I lifted up and then his hot, hot hands gently stroked my thighs, before helping to lift me onto his lap.

Here, I breathed him in. I was so close to Seth; I could literally taste the way that he smelled, and his body was heating me to such an extent that I felt slightly dizzy, but dizzy in a good way. I stroked my hands from his shoulders to the back of his hair and then twisted my arms around his back, which I think was enough enticement for Seth to begin rubbing his hands up and down my thighs.

My desire for him was overwhelming me at this point. It had been so long since I had been touched like this, and something about it being Seth made it something that I had never felt before. Seth touched me differently. I couldn't understand it; all I knew was that I loved it.

I ran my hands along the contours of his chest above his tee-shirt and then reached for the bottom of it, sliding it up gently, trailing the edges of my fingertips along his rock-hard abs as I did so.

I felt Seth shake, and I smiled into the kiss, loving that I could make him feel a certain way just from the lightest brush of my fingertips. I had always been very drawn to sensuality, but not in the sexual way. I loved light touches, teasing brushes; I loved the simple art of knowing how to be sexy without actually having sex, and I absolutely adored touching Seth in a sensual way.

His hands slid to my back now, and he began rubbing them up and down my tee-shirt. I begged internally for him to reach beneath my shirt. I needed to feel hit hot, intense hands touch my bare skin. I needed Seth so badly I could have screamed.

I tangled my fingers in his hair and sucked on his lower lip.

"Ugh," Seth moaned and then reached for my head. He held me to him as he rubbed his fingers along my scalp, making it feel entirely amazing, and our mouths moved in harmony. Seth was an absolutely incredible kisser because he really took his time. I didn't feel like this was a means to him getting something that he really wanted, but instead, that this was what he wanted.

Seth's hands dropped down so that they were parallel to my waist, and then dipped even lower. He hesitated, I could tell, and I couldn't help but whine, a slight whimper slipping from between my lips, as I lifted my butt slightly so that his palm brushed the top of it.

I knew that I didn't have any pants on, but I didn't care. I wanted, no, I needed Seth to touch me. I needed him to touch me right now or I was going to explode. Finally, Seth's intensely scorching hands rubbed against my bottom, only a thin panty separating him from full contact.

I left one hand playing with the top of his hair and laced the other arm around his neck. God, Seth was so receptive. I loved exactly how he was kissing me and touching me. I was left craving absolutely nothing, except of course absolutely everything.

Seth pressed his mouth closer to mine, and he stroked his thumb against my chin before gently reaching for it and then slipping his tongue inside of my mouth. I reacted the only way I could. A small whimper escaped my lips as I gently danced my tongue against his. Seth tasted absolutely incredible. I just wanted more of him.

Now, this wasn't like me. While I enjoyed the subtle art of being a talented kisser, I also was only able to do that because I remained entirely and completely in control of my own desires. Kissing always led to some type of turn on, but with Seth it was like my body was practically on fire. I wasn't in control anymore, and I didn't care.

It was that passionate spark that I honestly thought I would never experience, and the crazy thing was, that I had a little bit, but I realized now that the feelings I had for any boys prior were absolutely minuscule compared to how Seth made me feel. I had thought that, that romance novel spark just didn't exist; that I had already felt it, and that it was just a slight tingle, but now I was entirely electrified with it. My veins were filled with red, hot passion that made me do things like tangle my fingers in his hair and roll my hips on his lap and lean my chest into him as I flipped my hair to the side.

I just then realized that I didn't have any pants on... or a bra for that matter, but it only made me body heat up with more excitement. I could feel how wet I was, and I didn't think that I had ever felt such an intense, longing ache filling my lower abdomen then what I felt right now. I swear I didn't want to stop. I never wanted to stop.

My thighs quivered overtop of his, and from the way that I suddenly felt a bulge from his pants press into my center, I could tell that he noticed. Oh my God, I wanted him so bad. I had never wanted someone or something so badly in my entire life.

But we hadn't even been on a first date yet, a flashing yellow stoplight flew into my brain.

But I didn't care.

Seth's fingers found their way to the tops of my thighs, and he continued to strum them delicately overtop of my skin, making me shake so violently that I am sure he noticed. Finally, he lifted my shirt, and then I clung my arms tightly around his neck as he pressed his hands to the curve of my back and pushed my stomach close to him. I tilted my head back and let out a small sigh as I felt Seth's hot lips run along my stomach. He was getting lower and lower and lower. I was practically screaming out in need.

Seth pulled away, and the pulled me back to him. I flipped my hair up and before I had time to react in one swift motion, Seth pulled my hair to the side and tilted my neck, his lips now working dangerously incredibly against the sensitive skin of my neck.

My breathing was so loud it was all I could hear, now. Seth felt absolutely incredible, and I had no idea how he knew how to drive me this crazy, but I absolutely loved it. Seth sucked gently on a spot right between my neck and collarbone and I couldn't help but let a whimper slip.

I needed him.

His fingers hooked against the sides of my panties, and suddenly my entire body was on high alert. I was spinning. I felt the beginnings of a small tug.

"I've never done this before," I whispered into the air.

Seth's lips slowed against my neck, and suddenly his hands unhooked on my underwear, and rested against my hips instead. He stroked the backs of his fingers gently back and forth against the skin there was he breathed into the crook of my neck.

Finally, he kissed my collarbone gently, even chastely. I worried that I said something wrong, my body still on such incredibly high alert that it was internally begging and screaming at him to keep going.

"Seth," My voice was hoarse and shaky.

"Jane," Seth kissed the center of my chest and then lifted away from me. He cupped my cheeks in his hands and stroked my jawline with his pinky fingers. "I want this," He gently pressed his hand to my heart overtop of my shirt.

I frowned, pulled from my bliss and slapped in the face with cold, hard reality. "No," I blurted.

Seth grinned, both of his dimples exploding on his adorable face. It was so cute that I couldn't help myself, I tried to control my smile as I timidly touched my fingers into the two indentations.

Seth leaned in and kissed me slowly and gently, his incredible heat lingering on my lips even once he pulled away.

"Oh you're perfect, Janesie," Seth murmured, kissing my cheek slowly.

"I'm not perfect Seth," I blushed and spoke softly against his skin.

"No," Seth pulled back so that he could look at me. "Neither am I. But you're perfect when you're playing the piano and when you're kissing me. Two times that I am absolutely certain of."

I blushed. "I don't like people watching me when I play," I admitted.

"Why? It's beautiful."

I bit the corner of my lip. "I forget where I am when I play. It's intimidating for people to watch me because I completely let go."

"So you play like that all the time?" Seth inquired, using his pinky to brush a stray piece of hair behind my ear.

I nodded. "I used to play until my fingers would bleed, so my parents had to put a limit on it. If I had it my way I would play twelve hours a day."

Seth reached for my hands and kissed the tips of my fingers.

My heart felt like I was bleeding out. No guy had ever been interested in my playing. My ex had actually been bothered by it, because I would forget to reply and would rather do it than go to a party. But Seth. God. Seth was a living, breathing contradiction, taking everything that I ever thought true about men and being the exact opposite.

"You're too good to be true, Seth," I let out a long sigh.

"Well if that's true than you're too good to be true too, actually, now that we're on the subject; where did you learn to kiss like that, Janesie?" Seth raised his eyebrows in a joking manner.

I blushed and shrugged my shoulders.

"So would you please go on a date with me now, Janesie?" Seth let out an exasperated sigh, but then winked at me.

"Seth," I moaned.

"Jane," Seth brushed the hair off of my shoulder and then kissed the skin there gently. "Please?"

I bit the inside of my cheek. "Fine," I let out with a shaky breath, but I swear that had more to do with him kissing my shoulder than anything else. God, his lips were inhumanly hot; it wasn't fair to ask me while he was using that. "But I'll only go if you tell me one thing bad about yourself."

Seth let out a surprised laugh against my skin. "What's that, Janesie?" He pulled up to look me in the eyes.

I couldn't help but grin. I timidly wrapped my arms around his neck and tried not to blush. "You can't be this perfect. I want to know one real, terrible thing about you."

Seth raised an eyebrow at me. "Jane," He began. "Come on."

"See!" I pushed.

"See what?" Seth laughed.

"This is why it's so unfair!" I argued. "You know so many complicated, depressing things about my life and you can't name one terrible thing about yours!"

"Jane," Seth scrunched his forehead just a little bit at me. "Yeah you might not have a simple life, but that isn't a bad thing at all. And nothing about you is terrible. Nothing."

"So these non-terrible things," I sighed. "Do you have any?" My voice had gone high and quiet, and my insecurities flew from my lips before I could slam them shut.

"Jane," Seth spoke slowly. "You're not the only one who lost someone."

My face fell. "Seth," I whispered.

"I didn't mean that meanly," Seth leaned into whisper to me. He stroked his fingers along my cheek as he spoke sweetly to me. "I just meant that you're not alone, you know? We all have our demons."

I bit the inside of my cheek, swallowing down the lump in my throat. "I have a lot of them," My voice cracked.

"I like them," Seth kissed me slowly. "I like you. Would you stop convincing yourself that I'm lying to you."

"I'm not convincing myself that you're lying," I lied.

Seth laughed against my cheek. "Sure, Janesie," He kissed my cheek.

"Can you stop being so sweet?" I complained.

"Can you stop being so beautiful?" He countered. "See? Impossible."

I laughed, because I really couldn't help myself.

Seth laughed with me and took my face in his hands, kissing my cheek again before standing and lifting me up with him.

"Ah!" I laughed and squealed at the same time. "Seth!" I giggled. "What are you doing?"

"Sit right here," He walked me over to the couch and set me down on it. I couldn't help but smile adoringly up at him after he pulled away; was it possible that he was really just this incredible? The more and more I was around him the more I found that it just might be, but I couldn't be entirely certain.

Seth grabbed a blanket from across the room and then flipped it overtop of me, pulling the sides around my shoulders. I took it from him slowly, not able to stop staring at him. It had been a while since someone had taken care of me.

Seth lit the fire in the fireplace right behind the couch and then turned it effortlessly, even with my weight. Okay, that was exorbitantly attractive.

He plopped down on the couch next to me and then rested his head on the back of the couch with a long sigh. "I haven't slept in 24 hours," He admitted. "Please tell me you're up for a nap."

"I just woke up," I bit the corner of my lip.

Seth's eyes were already closing.

I sighed and stood up. "Once second," I told him quietly, wrapping the blanket tightly around my shoulders as I walked back up into my room and grabbed the book I was currently working on. Much like the piano playing, reading was never something that had attracted guys before, but Seth was seeming more and more different with each passing second; I might as well tested my luck.

I rejoined him on the couch once Seth's eyes were already closed. He opened then with the new weight, offered me a sleepy smile, and then wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I leaned into him, rested my head against his chest, and opened to page 432, halfway through my novel.

I heard a quiet laugh slip from Seth's lips, but then it was quiet, the sound of the crackling fire the only echo left in the air.


I know it was a long wait, but was it sort of kind of worth it? What are everyone's thoughts about Jane and Seth's first intimate moment? Let me know below!