Hello dear readers! I've been sitting on this story for the past six months and finally decided to start posting it. I'm currently writing Orange Sky and I promise I will continue to do so. I am almost done with the next chapter! If you aren't reading it, feel free to check it out!
I do want to clarify a few things about this story.
One: the flashbacks take place in the early 1900's where Ben and Rey first meet. They have a ten year age gap, which starts with her being 11 and him 21. While their parents are arranging the two to marry in the future, nothing inappropriate goes on between the two till she marries him at 17. I know, 17 is young, but that's how the culture was back then. So please, no comments screaming at me about how she is underage or of their age difference.
Two: politics and religion are two of the most divisive things right now. I will not touch on politics in this story, but I do put my own twist on religion. This story does deal with lesser gods, which you will see once the story picks up speed. If you get offended by me taking the basis of Christianity and adding my own spin to it, don't read this story.
Three: I am not good at writing period scenes. So please be kind to me when reading the flashbacks! Also, I'm starting this story in the year 2020, but labeling it as present day. By the time this story is finished, it's going to be next year anyway. lol
This chapter hasn't been read by my beta yet, so I apologize for any mistakes!
And that's all I can think of at the moment. If there's anything else, I'll let you guys know!
Chapter One: A Fog That Won't Lift
Present Day – April 26, 2020
105 years, 9 months, and 2 days.
3,337,459,200 seconds.
927,072 hours.
5,518 weeks… since his death.
It was like her body's inner clock was attuned to the day he had passed.
Rey closed her eyes, the book – though, she wasn't even really reading it – lowering to her lap as she tried to calm the rush of emotions inside her.
Guilt was a beguiling thing: it didn't lessen over time. If anything, it grew with each passing day as the excuses that were once believed faded from memory, as the line of thinking and justification became abstract. And all that was left were her own actions that stood out with crystal clarity.
It was her fault Ben had been killed.
No. Murdered.
She didn't want to dress it up with a nicer word. She wanted it harsh, the word like sandpaper dragging across her conscience. She wanted to use that noun to obliterate whatever was left of her true name, Lorraine Kenobi.
It really shouldn't be surprising anymore that she still constantly thought of Ben since the day he was taken from her – the way his lifeless eyes stared at nothing; the blood that haloed around his head on the floor; his lips that had once been crimson and had kissed her in parting turning pale and lifeless.
After all this time, she should be used to this by now. Having him everywhere – in her thoughts, dreams, making his home in her marrow and infusing with her DNA. Immortality was a curse, especially since it hit her at the young age of nineteen. It gave her too much time to think and reminisce. To hate herself and culminate an endless supply of regret.
Rey was from a different time, a different era. A relic, really. Something that didn't belong in the modern world.
Most of her youth had been spent on the outskirts of London on the Standen Estate, a more than modest country home that belonged to her family. The house had been beautifully constructed in the Wealden vernacular style with sandstone quarried from the land and locally made bricks and tiles, its layout holding enough rooms to accommodate a big family. The inside was poshly decorated with Morris carpets, fine fabrics and wallpapers, accented with furniture that was fashionably modern for the times. The flush gardens wrapped around the house, and there was even a glass-enclosed greenhouse attached to the kitchen, allowing the staff to grow their own herbs and spices at their leisure.
Rey had loved that house.
It was now a museum. That's what the Internet had told her when she had searched for it. She hadn't gone back to it since she left to be married in the States. She hadn't been back to Europe at all, actually.
America was where Ben was from, and America was where she stayed... for him. Though long dead, this country helped her feel closer to him. Nostalgia and all that. Especially here in New York.
In her tiny two bedroom apartment, Rey let her head fall back against her headboard, thinking of a time when things were simple and innocent. Among it all, she thought of him….
East Grinstead, West Sussex, 1906, Spring
Lorraine, daughter and only child of Sir Benjamin and Lady Satine Kenobi, preferred to be outside rather than confined indoors. A wildling, her father would say in jest. A free spirit, her mother would affectionately call her. And that spirit fought against being tied down and confined, yearning to explore and to learn and thrive.
She loved wandering the gardens, running through the neatly trimmed grass and trekking through the forests that lined the estate. With her own drawn treasure maps, she pretended to be on the hunt for the Holy Grail, battling pirates along the way with her wooden sword, always coming out the other end triumphant.
Today was not a day for games, however. Something was amiss in her house, but being a child, she was shooed away from all adult discussions.
She was eleven, but she was a big eleven. Still, she was not allowed to partake in whatever business was being discussed in her father's study.
Under the gloomy sky and thick forewarning clouds, Lorraine sat on her favorite swing, tethered to her favorite bur-oak tree.
Her mind went through the things her father had been teaching her about engineering, the arithmetic involved and the art of ingenuity. She was curious about this thing called the automobile, her father's latest fixation. The townsfolk had dubbed it the 'horseless carriage', and it was supposed to make all their lives so much easier.
But Lorraine's life wasn't hard. Sure, she didn't have many friends, and her sociability could be–
Yelling came from the house. Her eyes darted from one window to the next, as if expecting to see something. But all the blinds were drawn, not a silhouette in sight.
She couldn't tell what had been shouted, but she knew it was neither of her parent's doing. It must have been one of the Americans. The voice had a deeper timbre than her father's.
Lorraine recalled being by her mother's side when the guests had arrived earlier that day. She'd been indignant over being pulled away from her attempt at creating an electrical circuit with the wires and small battery her father had given her.
The man and woman who entered the household were of her parent's age, with a kind smile drawn across their cheeks as they offered out societies usual pleasantries.
Behind the pair had stood their son, a tall, lanky boy with raven black hair touching his shoulders. His nose was too long for his face, his lips too plush for his narrow chin, and his eyes told the tale of disinterest for his surroundings. He was odd to look at, Lorraine thought… but not uncomely.
Lady Solo – No. They don't have those titles in America, she reminded herself. Mrs. Solo brought the boy forward with a tug on his arm, much to his dismay. "This is our son, Benjamin."
Father's name, Lorraine thought to herself. But she shouldn't have been surprised. That particular name wasn't uncommon.
"My, you've grown so much since we last saw you," Lady Kenobi exclaimed. Lorraine eyed her mother. She didn't know her parents knew these people on a more personal level. "How old was he then? Ten?"
"Six," Mr. Solo corrected with a smile, placing his hand on Benjamin's shoulder. His son ground his teeth, protruding his temples. "He just turned twenty-one a few weeks ago."
"He's always been quite tall for his age, hasn't he." Lorraine's father looked at Benjamin with more precision. She could tell the son did not like the attention. "He's even taller than you, Han."
"But with only a fraction of my charm."
The adults laughed. Benjamin remained stoic, but annoyed. Lorraine watched him closely. There was something about him that held her interest.
When the laughter died down, Mr. Solo gave Benjamin a nudge, whispering something about being polite. Their son sighed and held out his hand, giving her parents a half-hearted handshake. Lorraine preferred a simple bow or a kiss atop her hand as a form of greeting, something proper and more befitting of her higher station. A handshake was… well, sloppy in appearance.
She waited her turn, but it never came. Benjamin completely ignored her. She might be used to such uncouth treatment at school, but in her house, she would not stand for it.
"What about me?" Lorraine piped up. All eyes turned to her. "Do I not get an acknowledgment?"
Benjamin made no answer. Rather, he looked put-out by her question.
Mr. Solo chuckled. "Your daughter is a demanding little nine year old."
"I'm eleven."
"My apologies, ma'am."
"Lady," Lorraine corrected him again.
Han pressed his lips together, trying to suppress a smile. He lowered his head slightly and said, "M'lady."
The proper response would have been for her to curtsy, but she stuck out her hand instead, wanting to show these people that she wasn't uncultured. Mr. Solo's brows shot up in surprise before he took her palm, his calloused fingers scratching against her skin. His grip was soft as he gave her hand a short-lived shake.
Then Lorraine stuck her palm out to Benjamin. He gave her a scowl, but begrudgingly took her hand in his.
There was a shock that shot up Lorraine's arm when their skin made contact. It was similar to the time a couple weeks ago when her father showed her a current of electricity between two metal rods. Too enthralled with curiosity, she had touched it. But touching Benjamin had a warmth to it that the electricity did not. It pooled in her chest, quickening her heart. She felt his grip tighten, his eyes focusing on her with a hint of fear and intrigue.
Lorraine pulled her hand away sharply. Benjamin took a step back, running the same hand through his hair. The adults gave each other knowing looks. If the butler hadn't walked in to proclaim that lunch was ready to be served, Lorraine would have demanded what kind of secrets everyone was harboring between them.
One quick look at Benjamin before being ushered to the dining room confirmed that he was suspicious of the adults as well.
Lunch was filled with laughter and stories, none of which Benjamin or Lorraine contributed to. The two of them kept trying to look at the other without notice, but more often than not, their eyes would meet, both glancing away hastily. But where there once was distrust in the way he gazed at her, there was now something else. Something Rey didn't understand.
And then there was her little orange kitten, BB. The fluffy fur ball was only four months old, but it kept circling Benjamin's chair and attempting to play with his shoes. She caught him trying to shoo the cat away a few times before giving up, letting the kitten sit in his lap and sleep through the remainder of afternoon meal.
Odd.
The cat didn't like anyone that wasn't Lorraine. It hissed at her father, and had even swiped its claws at her mother when she had tried picking it up from one of the rugs. Her parents insisted on getting rid of the 'hell-raiser', but Lorraine had refused to let him go.
So BB's behavior towards Benjamin was… perplexing. Especially since Benjamin seemed to be indifferent toward the animal.
When lunch was over, the adults and Benjamin congregated into her father's study, leaving her alone to do as she pleased. BB scurried off to prowl for the house mice. Lorraine completed the wire circuit with the battery from earlier, practiced scales on her cello, and finished all of her homework. Then, she was faced with the problem of boredom.
Which was how she found herself outside, lounging in one of the twin swings that hung from a thick branch. Her legs lazily swung back and forth, barely giving her any momentum, but offering just enough movement for comfort.
No more yelling came from the house.
After a while of sitting there alone, she heard someone walk up beside her, their steps rustling the grass. She glanced skyward. Benjamin was looming over her, his face devoid of any obvious emotion.
"It looks like it's about to rain," he told her, his voice deep enough to vibrate her bones. She realized this was the first time she'd heard him speak. His voice… wasn't unpleasant. "Maybe you should come inside."
She shrugged while still holding onto the ropes. "It always looks like it's about to rain here." Lorraine's gaze went back to scanning the countryside. Benjamin stood there for a moment, as if debating over what he should do. He took up residence in the swing beside her, the wooden slab creaking under his weight.
"Did you know our parents knew each other before today?" Lorraine probed carefully, trying to fill the void of silence.
He shook his head. "No. I just thought this was an investment opportunity for them. You?"
"I didn't know, either. I wonder why they didn't tell us."
"They didn't tell us a lot of things," Benjamin grumbled resentfully.
Lorraine glanced at him, waiting for additional information to accompany that statement. A breeze swept across the field, tossing Benjamin's hair in all different directions, allowing her a glimpse at his fanned ears.
"Wow," she said with fascination, leaning closer for a better look. "Your ears are huge. Have they always been that big?"
He tamed his renegade tresses quickly, his eyes glaring at her with sharp contempt. "What kind of name is Lorraine?"
The sudden verbal attack threw her off for a moment. "An elegant one," she muttered, trying to find her center, refusing to fold under his intimidation.
"It is?" he countered. "It sounds like something better suited for a maid."
Lorraine straightened her posture, her voice rising with each passing word. "Are you insulting me?"
She noticed a crack in his hard expression. "No. It just doesn't fit you."
"I beg your pardon?"
His face softened further. "I didn't mean to affront you." Oh, but she was sure he had. He glanced down to the grass, his tone turning gentle. "Lorraine is a lovely name… I just… it doesn't seem to suit you."
She scoffed and did her best to sound older than her age. "Are you insinuating I'm not refined?"
He shook his head, eyes widening. "No, I'm not–"
"And what name, pray tell, would 'suit' me?"
Mouth floundering open, he stuttered, "I – I don't know. Just forget I said anything."
Lorraine rolled her eyes dramatically. "That seems unlikely, seeing how you lack manners."
Benjamin tensed and spoke through gritted teeth. "Maybe if you hadn't made fun of my ears, I wouldn't have been so discourteous toward you."
Lorraine slid off the swing, hands on her hips as she stood in front of him. "So you admit you were being rather rude?"
"You were rude first."
"So that gives you the right to snub me?"
He pinched his lips together, as if in an effort to stop himself from saying another word. When he stood, he absolutely towered over her, eyes dark with disdain. He left her there, walking back in the direction of the house. He didn't go inside. He veered off to the garden, disappearing among the thick foliage and trees.
Lorraine expected to feel triumphant in making the man leave.
She didn't.
Instead, her thoughts were focused on how hurt he looked when she pointed out his ears. That hurt was there because of her. And Lorraine was not a stranger when it came to harsh words. The boys and girls at school made fun of her higher intellect and odd interests like it was their daily duty to do so. Their one true calling in life.
Lorraine sighed and made her way over to the gardens. She found Benjamin sitting beneath the shade of an old willow tree, back resting against the trunk, eyes zeroing in on her the second she came into view.
She came to a stop once she was in talking distance. His gaze shifted to the house.
"I apologize…" Lorraine started to say, "for pointing out your ears. I meant no offense." He didn't respond. Didn't move. Lorraine sat down in the grass, skirts fanning around her as she crossed her legs. "Do… do people point them out to you often?"
It took him a long moment to speak. "Not since I grew my hair out to cover them." He regarded her steadily, the lines in his face softening. "I'm sorry for saying those things about your name."
Lorraine nodded in acceptance. "Is my name really that horrible?"
"No," he immediately said. "It's very pretty."
"But you don't think it fits me?"
"Not because you aren't lovely. It's just… hard to explain." Lorraine observed as Benjamin became employed in picking at the grass, twisting and pulling it into smaller bits, making a mound out of the casualties from his unsettled hands.
"Do you know what our parents are discussing right now?" he asked. Lorraine deigned not to make a reply on something she did not know. Instead, she shrugged. "They're talking about our future."
"Our future? Like the future of our families as it pertains to business?"
"No. You and I. Our future." Lorraine stared at him, not knowing what he meant. "They want us to get married," Benjamin clarified.
Lorraine wished to say something sensible, but shock had overtaken her. "Married? But... I'm eleven!"
Benjamin laughed – actually laughed at her. It was hard to take offense to it, though. The deep tonality of his amusement was nice against Lorraine's ears. "Not right now. In the future."
Oh.
"When in the future?" she asked.
"When you turn sixteen." It was Lorraine's turn to look away, and for Benjamin to watch her. "How does that make you feel?"
She was quite disconcerted, her face becoming hot. Though she knew one day she would marry, she could not imagine it. Let alone marrying this man. "I… I'm not sure. I do want to get married one day. But so soon?"
"Soon? It wouldn't happen for another five years."
"That seems soon to me."
The corner of his mouth twitched upward. "I forget, time goes by faster when you're younger."
Odd statement. "Time moves the same for everyone, no matter the age."
"Technically, that is correct." Benjamin didn't elaborate any further. "Do you not want me for a husband?"
Lorraine puckered her lips in thought. "Well… your countenance wasn't very pleasant in the beginning. But it is improving."
He chuckled, having taken her critique of him lightheartedly. "I usually don't make a good first impression with people. And I was so mad at my parents for dragging me over here and pulling me away from my studies just to meet a family my father wants to do business with. I'm sorry for not being in the best mood for company."
Indeed, his manners were getting better the longer they spoke. And if her parents had made her travel across the Atlantic to visit a family she didn't know, Lorraine concluded she would be aggravated as well.
A light sprinkle came from the sky above, the soft patter of raindrops sounding off from the leaves. But with the tree providing such a large canopy overhead, no moisture got through.
"What are you studying?" Lorraine asked, tucking a stray hair behind her ear. She might as well get to know the man who would be her future spouse.
"Law."
"You want to be a barrister?"
"We call them attorneys, but yes, that is the goal." His expression soured. "My father thinks it's a respectable position."
"Do you not agree?"
He shrugged, lips pressing together. "It is respectable, yes. But… it's not what I want to do."
"What would you rather do?"
Benjamin rounded his jaw as he sat back, folding his arms and forgetting about the grass. "Theatre."
Lorraine's eyebrows rose so high, they were probably in her hairline. "Like playing a character on the stage?" Benjamin nodded, bracing himself for her reaction. "My mother took me to see Little Red Riding Hood last spring. My focus was more on the orchestra, I admit, but the show was absolutely magical. I would love to see another."
Benjamin tilted his head. "And here I thought you'd make fun of me."
"For wanting to be a thespian? It looks like fun." Truly, it did. "You should do it," she encouraged sincerely.
"Not much money in stage work, I'm afraid."
Her face lost all excitement.
Tersely, his eyes flickered to the house behind her. "If… if things work out between our families and if you are fine with the arrangement they are making for us… I could take you to a play whenever I come out to visit. Your father might permit it as long as we bring a chaperone."
It was hard for him to look at her as he said that. His facial mannerisms were interesting when nervous, the bottom of his left eye still finding a way to twitch even though his brows were drawn in tight.
And his eyes… so much were hidden in those ember orbs.
"I'd like that," Rey agreed.
Benjamin cleared his throat and ran a quick hand through his tousled hair. "But, anyway, studying law isn't as bad as I thought it would be. There are things I enjoy about it. Like helping people who do not have the education to do so. It can be fulfilling work, as long as you don't become eaten up with pride."
Lorraine listened in silence, but was not convinced that his heart was truly content. His eyes told too much. Even his body language was telling.
"I heard a joke about barristers once when my mother and I were out shopping," Lorraine said, finding herself moved to see him smile. "Want to hear it?"
"Sure."
"How can you tell when a barrister is lying?" Benjamin gave it some thought, then shook his head. "His lips are moving."
There was a beat before Benjamin dissolved into a fit of laughter, covering his mouth with his hand. "That's disturbingly accurate, actually." His glum temperament was replaced with a uniform manner of cheerfulness. Even after the laughter died away, there was an echo of a smile on his lips that Lorraine appreciated.
"When did they tell you about our impending marriage?" Lorraine asked.
Benjamin rubbed at his mouth with the tips of his fingers. "While we were in your father's study."
Ah. "Hence the yelling."
His brows rose. "You heard that?" Lorraine nodded. Benjamin sighed like it was a reflex. "I don't like when my parents meddle with my life."
"Especially now that you're an adult," Lorraine stated more than questioned.
"Especially now."
Lorraine looked to the house. The curtains in the window on the second floor rippled, and she could've sworn she'd seen someone standing there. "I think I'm too young to be thinking about all this marriage stuff."
"Then don't think about it till you're older. Enjoy the childhood you have left; you only get one."
Her gaze swung back to him. "But you're no longer a child. Won't your thoughts be frequenting the subject?"
"Yes."
"So you'll be thinking about me, then?"
He blinked, lips parting. "Lorraine, you don't have to marry me when you're older if you don't want to. You know that, right?"
But who would take me to the theatre? she almost found herself saying.
"You think I should defy my parents?" she asked instead.
"Well… I, uh…"
"I can't challenge their wishes. As their daughter, it's disrespectful. So when I come of age, I'll marry you."
She thought he would've been happy with her accepting the arrangement. But his eyes showed a sadness that confused her. "Because they are asking it of you?"
"Of course."
The chuckle through his nose was devoid of mirth. "I don't think you understand what you're agreeing to. And I don't want your parents to be the reason why you marry me."
"What other reason is there?"
Benjamin said nothing for a moment. He adjusted his posture with unease and glanced at the house, then around at the garden. As if to make sure no one was nearby to listen. "'The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart,'" he said softly. Almost sweetly. "I read that in Helen Keller's book on the journey over here."
"Helen Keller?"
"An American woman who lost her sight and hearing at the age of two. But she overcame those disabilities and learned how to communicate and learn. Somehow, despite it all, she understands the world better than most."
Lorraine frowned. "Feel things with the heart…. Like affection?"
"Love," Benjamin elucidated on an exhale. "I'm sure she meant it to regard all types of things, but when I read it, I first thought of the love a man could have for a woman."
"I was told such a feeling came after marriage."
"People say that, but for some, it never manifests at all."
"What do those people do, then?"
"They're unhappy and stuck in a life they didn't want." Benjamin bowed his head. "I don't want that for you."
"Are you saying you could never love me?"
"I'm saying you probably could never love me." He paused, waiting for her to say something in response to his assumption. But she didn't know what to say. "Do you understand what love is between a man and a woman?"
It was tempting to give off an air of understanding, but she found herself not wanting to lie to him. "No. Not really. Do you?"
"No. I've never felt it for someone else. I've only ever read about it."
They both sat there, mulling over the conversation at hand. There was a distant rumbling of thunder.
Benjamin's gaze went to the sky, searching among the foreboding clouds. "We should get inside before it starts pouring." They stood at the same time, not yet moving toward shelter. At such a close proximity, Lorraine's neck almost seized from gazing up at him. "But I want you to promise me that you'll give this proposition some serious thought before agreeing to it. Can you do that, Rey?"
"Rey?"
He cocked his head to the side, realizing what he just said. "Are you alright with me giving you a nickname?"
She felt strange as she heard the new moniker, but not because she didn't like it. More because it felt so… right. "It's agreeable. It's nothing like the ones the other kids at school have given me."
Benjamin's stare tightened. "What do they call you?"
"Gummy, horse-teeth, spoiled Lorraine," she touted off without missing a beat. "Names like that."
At feeling the first heavy rain drop, they walked side-by-side back to the house. It would've been polite to offer Lorraine his arm, but Benjamin clasped his hands behind his back instead.
"Do any of them ever hurt you?" he asked.
She shrugged. "They pull on my braids sometimes. One of the boys likes to flick my nose whenever I'm reading."
His lips thinned, jaw tightened. "Do you have school tomorrow?" He looked down at her. She looked up and nodded. "I would very much like to see where you study. Is it alright if I accompany you? I'll stay in the background. You and the other students won't even know I'm there."
There was sincerity in the way he spoke, but his face… there was anger hidden there. Was it anger over how the other students treated her? If he came, just for one day, would her peers leave her alone?
"If mother allows it, then I don't see why you couldn't."
He smiled, placated by her answer. Lorraine silently prayed her mother would let him come with her tomorrow.
Once inside, Lorraine wiped her shoes against the entryway rug, wiping off any excess dirt. Benjamin followed her example. "I feel like if you call me Rey, I should call you something, too," she told him.
He grabbed a small utility towel hanging by the door. "How about Ben?"
"Do your parents call you that?"
"No." He knelt down and began wiping away the specks of mud atop her leather shoes. The kind gesture was unexpected. "Just close friends."
"Then Ben it is."
He stood in front of her, switching the rag to his left hand as he held out his right for her to take. "It's nice to meet you, Rey."
The second she touched him, all sound disappeared, the air crackling with an energy Lorraine had never felt before. It was more shocking touching him this time than it had been before. Heat transferred from his palm, up her arm, and dispersed throughout her whole body. Both of them were caught in the moment, eyes steadily gazing at the other.
Lorraine steeled herself to try to explain what was happening. Nothing logical came to mind. No amount of her education could describe this pull she had towards him.
There was no physical endurance needed to stand there, but regardless, she felt as if she couldn't catch her breath. "It's nice to meet you, too, Ben."
Lorraine found that she didn't quite detest Ben as she had before. In fact, she no longer detested him at all.
A/N
Next chapter we get to see what Ben has been up to! This story will be shown through both Rey and Ben's points-of-views. Next chapter will be dominantly about Ben. Hope you enjoyed the first chapter!
