Chapter IV:

Faster than a viper, Yelena came at Percy again.

Her experience in martial arts outshone his with each move, despite no godly parentage. She would surge and ebb, dodge and weave, lashing out with her fists so quick, they became little more than a blur. When using blades, her motions were economic, practiced, but powerful all the same. When Percy managed to block one strike, Yelena would tip the dagger and transfer it to another hand effortlessly. The weapon would spin and twirl and twist with each flick of her wrist, her long fingers deftly juggling the handle so it was never far from her palm. To Percy, there was only one other woman he knew that could fight like this.

"Gods," Percy said as they broke apart. "You're not so bad, Belova."

"What made you think I was?" She grinned. "Or did that pile of Dark Elves below my feet distract you?"

"Not sure, I think I was too concerned on how to save your ass from a reaming."

Yelena frowned at the memory,

"Won't happen again, that dirtrag got lucky."

"Yeah, yeah, sure it won't."

With a grunt, she lunged at him again.

Interspersed with the fists and slashes were feet, knees, elbows and forearms, all thrown in to keep Percy off guard. Yelena's style was near impossible to predict. When one thing failed her, she would move into a grapple and judo throw him, almost reacquainting him with the Quinjet floors each time, before pulling him back up. For every victory Percy earned, she took one of her own.

"Where'd you learn to do all that?" Yelena asked once they were finished, each of them dripping in sweat.

Percy gave her a look,

"Why?"

"Just interested."

"You know," Percy leaned his elbow against the wall. "If I were not the massively intellectual being I am, I might be mistaken into believing that you're warming up to me."

"We're past that point already." Yelena rolled her eyes and turned, "Obviously you didn't learn those fighting skills for nothing. What was your reason?"

"Didn't I tell you already? I'm a demigod."

"That tells me absolutely nothing."

Percy plopped into his co-pilot's seat. "It's just what we do, we always have to fight."

"The story of my life." Yelena snorted.

Each of them let out a short laugh as they leaned back. But behind her snarky guise, Percy could still easily see her worry.

"You're worried again."

"And?"

"I don't know, don't be?" Percy flashed a weak smile.

Yelena stared blankly ahead. "If you haven't forgotten, my entire universe is in danger of being consumed by a rather powerful being."

"I know, I know, but… don't you feel like you're almost destined to win in the end?"

"What type of fairy tale crap is that? Good always wins in the end no matter what?"

Percy shrugged his shoulders. "Kinda, yeah. No harm in trying to be positive."

"Oh yeah? Who taught you that one?" Yelena asked.

Although her words came out as a joke, they hit Percy hard. Old memories resurfaced briefly, serving as a painful reminder of those he lost. He let them simmer for a moment, before carefully stowing them away.

"A friend."

Yelena raised an eyebrow. "A friend? Suddenly you're all secretive now, huh?"

"Maybe, maybe not." Percy said with unnecessary schmooze.

The conversation stalled there for a little while as they coasted through nothingness. Moby, who had been napping in the storage bay, came back out to play, insistent on heaving as many hairballs as he could.

Percy's mind soon came back to the larger matter at hand,

"What are we going to do when we get all of the stones?"

"Use them." Yelena answered simply.

"Alright, I'll bite. How are we going to use them?"

"You're about to find out."

To answer his question, the ship decelerated with a concerningly audible moan of metallic tension. While before there was nothing but empty space in front of them, that was no longer the case.

"You have arrived," Announced Friday. "Knowhere. Warning: cosmic activity detected. Suggestion: proceed with caution."

Percy's eyes widened at the skull the size of a planetoid, his needless breath taken away. The massive structure shimmered in the dawn of two suns, interstellar ice glistening on the ancient bone and mummified flesh. Atop and below, as well as in and around, a confusing array of spaceships, tankers, satellites and self-powered spacefarers added to the looming spectacle.

"Why the hell is this place called nowhere?"

"You know it's spelled with a 'k,' right? Knowhere." Yelena said.

"Would've made a lot more sense earlier if I'd known." Percy grumbled. "Is that an actual skull?"

"A Celestial's." Yelena entoned. "Beings that existed at the beginning of everything. Although, I doubt this one has any wisdom left to share."

Percy was not quite sure what to say, but it turned out he did not have to. Yelena left him to his thoughts as she guided their ship into a docking bay, which just so happened to be located in the skull's ear canal.

Upon landing, they were immediately greeted by a platoon of robots that set to work on cleaning and refueling the ship. At first Yelena tried to shoo them away, however the concept of being told 'no, please' did not seem to be in the robots' programming. Neither did the notion of 'please fuck off.'

"I hate robots." She muttered.

"I'll add that to the list." Percy noted.

Stretching their legs, they took in the marvelous scenery around them. Everything about the place breathed chaos and wonder, with buildings stacked on top of more buildings, towering way above and cowering all the way down below. Moby, who was tagging along as well, seemed rather enthused with it all, taking every available opportunity to leave one of his hairballs on each new surface.

Percy twiddled his thumbs as Yelena led them through the throng,

"Alright, million-dollar question time. Why are we here? What's this place got to do with the Infinity Stones?"

Yelena looked back at him. "I know a guy."

"Yeah, I know a guy too." Percy ragged. "So what?"

"They call him the Collector."

"The Collector?" An image popped up in Percy's head, "Where are we going? Some sort of cosmic pawn shop?"

"Something like that." Yelena answered, guiding them towards a waiting elevator.

"So you've been here before."

"No, actually."

Percy was beginning to get a rather queasy inclination. Or maybe it was just his stomach telling him that he should maybe eat something other than expired granola bars.

"And you know this Collector guy is here and alive because…?"

"…Nobody's ever known him not to be. If Knowhere exists, so does he." Yelena answered matter-of-factly.

"And… What's he going to do for us?"

"Don't worry about it."

"Right."

As was par for the course, the elevator subverted Percy's expectations, sending them rocketing sideways, instead of up or down. Arriving at their destination on the opposite hemisphere, just above where the Celestial's temporal lobe should have been, they were cheerfully greeted by a pink skinned lady dressed in waitress' clothes.

"Hi! Do you have an appointment?"

Percy took it as a minor slight that she looked to Yelena instead of him. Although, the smile plastered on her face was positively creepy.

"No, we were wonder—"

The pink lady cut Yelena off with a raised hand. "I'm sorry then, my master is much too busy to see you at the current moment."

Yelena reached into the depths of her seemingly bottomless pockets to produce two glowing items.

"Is this enough?" Asked the Russian in sarcastic fashion.

Upon realizing what they had brought, the greeter disappeared in a hurry, slamming the decorative doors shut behind her.

"Well, she seems charming." Percy remarked.

"Yeah, just like the rest of this god-forsaken place." Yelena spat. "Can't believe that slavery's still a thing."

Percy frowned, "What makes you say that?"

"Did you not see that collar she had around her neck? Or hear her call him master? Poor girl probably gets treated like a dog."

Moby, as if to remind them of his presence, emitted a timid meow at Yelena's last word.

Their brief loitering was put on hold when the doors opened up again, this time however on their own.

"You know, stuff like that only happens when you're entering a villain's lair." Percy remarked. And from what they could see from the front looking in, he already knew that he was in for a good one.

Cautiously, their vaunted trio entered the Collector's labyrinth; man, woman and cat. The doors closed and locked villainy behind, leaving them trapped inside.

"You know, stuff li—"

"I get it, Percy."

From the beginning, it was clear that no amount of lighting could fully chase the dark away from the corners. Walking slowly, they took turns leading, trying to comprehend what was certainly the most peculiar assortment of things any of them had ever seen. Behind glass and inside elaborate cages sat various fauna, relics, and gods knows what else. To their horror, there were even live creatures and people being kept, staring sadly back at them as they passed through.

"Well, I can see why they call him the Collector." Percy muttered as they turned a sharp corner. "Never seen a hovering cactus with frog legs before."

Yelena clutched their precious cargo closely to herself, but kept her face rigid and composed,

"Let's just get this over with."

"I've never agreed with you more." Percy affirmed. "This isn't creepy at all."

Following another series of twists, turns and backtracking, they arrived at what could only be the place of the head honcho. There laying on an uncomfortable-looking couch was a man who checked every box for your typical sociopath. Percy had never seen hair with that many colors. Hell, the dude's fur coat was made of an entire zoo catalog.

Standing at the man's side was the pink lady from before, who bowed as they approached,

"May I present to you, Taneleer Tivan, the Collector."

With a flourish, the Collector finally looked up at them, his desiring gaze on full display as he stood up,

"Well well, what can I do for you weary travelers? Would you like drinks?" The Collector turned to the pink lady. "Carina, why don't you go fetch our esteemed guests something to drink?"

The lady, Carina, seemed to hesitate slightly at the request, causing the Collector's face to contort.

"Carina," the Collector expressed forcefully.

"Y-yes, sorry master." Carina bowed excessively before disappearing off to the side.

Percy watched Yelena closely.

"You know, every day I fight the primal urge to rip out my own esophagus like a rampaging throat-tearing gorilla," the Collector sighed profusely, "Carina keeps me in check, keeps me feeling… whole."

Percy did not know how else to describe it, besides saying that the Collector spoke in cursive. As for Yelena, her blood was visibly boiling,

"Somebody told me that you have the gauntlet."

"I have many gauntlets." The Collector mused, "Which one might you be referring to?"

Percy saw a vein twitch on right of Yelena's neck,

"You know what I'm talking about."

The Collector's eyebrows raised ever so slightly as he set down his drinking glass.

"Well, let us see what you brought! By all means, please."

Slowly, Yelena slipped the two Infinity Stones out of her pockets; the orb and vial.

At the sight of the glowing stones, the pupils in the Collector's eyes expanded tenfold. Percy could have sworn the man was nearly on the verge of tears, trembling as he approached Yelena.

"Beautiful… beyond compare." The Collector whispered as he extended his hands outwards.

Yelena quickly pulled back.

"Young lady, I'm willing to pay you 10 billion units for each of them." The Collector salivated, "unimaginable wealth at your disposal."

If units were the equivalent of dollars here, that sounded like a pretty sweet deal to Percy. Screw saving the universe, imagine how many pop tarts they could buy.

Yelena's fists tightened, "We're not here to sell them. We're here to buy."

"Yes, yes, of course, yes." The Collector frowned with obvious disappointment. "Collecting Infinity Stones however? You must have big plans, yes? Very rare to have two at once."

Percy cleared his throat, "The gauntlet."

Honest to gods he had no idea what he was talking about, but his answer seemed to earn him some brownie points from Yelena. Plus one for Percy!

"Yes, yes of course." The Collector muttered, his jewelry swinging as he swayed. "Of course."

Right on cue, Carina returned, balancing a tray with cocktails of the same make as the Collector's. Not to be rude, they accepted the drinks, however neither of them dared to taste.

The Collector gave his servant an unnatural smile, "Carina, please fetch me case 42b. Hurry."

With a quick head nod, Carina disappeared again, this time off to the other side.

Again, they stood uneasily across from each other, the Collector staring crazily at them. The man's eyes felt like x-rays as they swept over Percy, making him shiver slightly. Mr. Tivan's macabre demeanor was second only to Hades.

"Well, I see you've brought your form of payment already," the Collector pointed towards the floor.

Percy shook his head, Yelena equally as confused.

"The flerken?" The Collector said, again pointing at Moby, who was mindlessly licking his hind legs by Percy's feet.

"Flerken?" The word felt foreign to Percy's tongue. The same could not be said for Yelena, however.

About thirty different facial expressions passed through Yelena's face, the highlights being confusion, realization and finally excitement.

"Yes," she said almost immediately, "Yes we did."

The Collector seemed more fixated on Percy's reaction, "Does your friend here not know that his cat is a flerken?"

Percy's mouth opened, "Wha-ouch!"

"What was that for?" He hissed at Yelena, rubbing his stomped toes.

Her lips remained tight, but her eyes read, "Shut up!"

"What's your problem?" Percy wanted to spit back.

"I must say I'm impressed," The Collector continued, not caring for their kerfuffle, "I've never met anybody that's ever successfully domesticated a flerken. And such a nice color too! He'll make a great pet! It's a he, right?"

Percy looked down at Moby in confusion, but before he had time to question any further, Carina arrived back on the scene. Bowing again profusely, she brought behind her a trolley, towing it onto center stage. Grasping the cloak that covered it, the Collector pulled back to reveal his big surprise.

"The gauntlet, for the flerken." The Collector proposed with a snake-oil grin, spreading his wide arms out. "We have a deal?"

Percy took in the massive piece of sparkling gold metal as the gears in his head spun.

"Woah wait, no we are doing that." The demigod blurted, "No way!"

Yelena latched onto his arm viciously, "Yes, we have a deal!"

Moby let out a somber meow.

Percy turned to his partner. "What? What the hell is going on here? No!"

The Collector pouted, "Ah, a conflict of interests I see. I'm afraid without the flerken, the deal is off."

"The deal is on." Yelena said quickly, stepping ahead of Percy. "You go–"

"–can we give you something else?" Percy jutted in. "Is there anything else you want?"

The Collector's face changed to something queer, the piercings in his nose twitching as he reconsidered,

"Unless, my friends, you bring to me something… magical. I desire something magical. Truly magical, capable of powers the likes of nothing anybody has ever seen before!"

Yelena, irritated beyond belief, was a completely new shade of red. If looks could kill, hers was nothing short of genocidal.

"That's it, something magical?" Percy asked, unbothered. "Can you, I don't know, elaborate on that?"

"Use your imagination." The Collector smiled widely. "If I deem it worthy, the gauntlet is yours, if not, I'm afraid we can no longer hold together our little… deal."

The word 'deal' came out of the Collector's mouth like an overly sour grape.

"Can you give us a moment?" Yelena asked, flashing a fake smile.

"Of course, darling!" The Collector shooed his hands. "Take as much time as you need."

Like a mother and her child, Yelena dragged Percy off by the scruff of his shirt.

"What are you doing!" She seethed as she slammed him into a wall. "Stop interrupting me!"

"No!" Percy seethed back. "You tell me what's going on! What the hell is this gauntlet thing? Why do we need it!?"

"I'll explain it all to you, later."

"So you don't trust me." Percy ungrappled himself and folded his arms.

"I do trust you, goddamnit."

"Really? I can't tell."

Yelena's fists slammed together, her eyes shattering. "I will not let one stupid cat stand in my way."

"He's not just a stupid cat, he's a flerken!"

Yelena cynically laughed, "You don't even know what you're talking about."

"Try me." Percy sparked.

"No, we don't have the time!"

"Stop belittling me like I'm your kid! You don't always have to leave me in the dark, you know? Believe it or not, I've been through some shit too!"

Yelena gave him a withering glare. "If you have forgotten already, Percy, we're kind of in a time crunch. For all I know, my people are dead already!"

"Yelena," Percy took a much needed deep breath. "You can't give this freak show Moby, he'll just end up in another cage! Don't lie to me, I know how you feel about what's going on here."

"It doesn't matter! We're not from this place in time! Fuck, you're not even from this universe! When I go back to my time, and you go back to your little shithole, they'll all probably be dead already!"

"That's not my point!" Percy fought the urge to lash out. "Why can't we just rob this dude right now? We got two of the most powerful freaking things in existence! What's stopping us?"

"This is not an enemy we want to make." Yelena rasped. "He has so many people in his debt that are begging for ways to pay him off. If we steal the gauntlet, within seconds of us leaving this place he'll have half the galaxy on our asses."

"Okay? Then why don't we just kill him! Or use the Infinity Stones before he can catch us!"

"His brother is the Grandmaster! If we kill him, his brother will make sure we never see the light of day again. And if we use the stones before we get them all and leave, everybody, and I mean everybody, will know about it. And you know what will happen then? They'll hunt us down, including those that hold the other stones, and kill us! Having these stones alone doesn't make us invincible!"

"What's this family's deal? The Collector? Grandmaster?' Percy exhaled, "What type of pompous, pretentious shit is that?"

"What does it matter?" Yelena frustratingly cried.

"Why can't we just get a gauntlet from somebody else? Why do we have to help him? And why haven't you told me yet why we even need it!"

"That gauntlet," Yelena fumed, pointing over in the direction of the Collector, "is the only one in existence. Forged from the metal of some dying star. We can't just get another one. The Collector's the only one besides Thanos that's ever possessed it. It's a necessary evil, Percy, dealing with this man."

Yelena moved to pick Moby up, but the cat hurriedly scurried out of reach, hiding behind Percy's leg and letting out a rabid hiss for good measure. And for a split second, Percy swore Moby's face changed into that of a vampire's, before reverting back to feline.

Bending down to pet the cat, tired of arguing, Percy whispered,

"Hey Moby, you think you can find us something magical to give the crazy man?"

The cat instantly meowed and nodded its head.

"You see that?" Percy exclaimed, looking to Yelena for a reaction.

Yelena's hands swept over her rough blonde hair. "You've truly gone insane if you think that thing can understand you. Flerken's are dangerous creatures, they're not really cats! They're shapeshifters!"

Moby hissed again, and using his claws, began etching words into the metal floor,

"I can."

Yelena was on the border between aneurysm and mental breakdown. Percy himself was rendered near speechless.

"So you can find us a magical macguffin?" He asked the cat again.

Moby, in all his feline glory, raised one paw and gave them a thumbs up.

Percy beamed. "Alright then, so we got a plan!"

If Yelena's head could explode, it would have. And for completely different reasons, Percy was on the same boat.

"There's no way that I'm agreeing to this."

"You are," Percy stood back up and looked her dead in the eyes. "Because we're the good guys, remember?"

They stared for a long time, boring into each other with unrivaled intensity. There was no denial that Yelena was trying to sway his position with her icy scowl, but he was too busy counting the freckles between her cheeks to notice.

Finally, she cracked,

"Okay."

"Okay?" Percy said incredulously.

Yelena smashed her hand into her forehead and breathed. "Don't make me say it again."

"You hear that Moby?" Percy hollered. "You're staying with us!"

The cat—flerken—whatever, gave the demigod a wink with its middle eye. Wait? When did Moby get a third eye?

Returning to the Collector's throne, they caught the master receiving a massage; Carina kneading the balls of his hairy bare feet with oiled hands. The gauntlet was still there in the middle, glistening in all its glory.

"Have we come to a decision then?" The Collector crowed, needlessly kicking Carina in the face as he sat up.

Yelena hid her disgust well, "We have. We're keeping the flerken, we'll find you your magical item."

Perched atop Percy's shoulder, Moby meowed in compliance.

Surprised, disappointed, but equally as excited, the Collector clasped his hands together. "Very well! I look forward to seeing what you bring me!"

"Is there anything we need to sign?" Yelena asked next, "To guarantee the deal?"

"Mmm… no." The Collector answered. "I don't like paperwork, it's too messy and disorganized."

Percy restrained the need to point out that his collection was the very definition of messy and disorganized.

Yelena shifted, "Then how do we know we can trust you?"

The Collector laughed, devilishly eying them as he took another sip from his cocktail,

"You don't, that's the beauty in this business, my friends."


Author's Note:

I'm aware that this story is definitely not perfect. It's actually super dumb. Looking at it, it's kind of just a series of connected one-shots of Percy and Yelena finding Infinity Stones. Which when reading that sentence back in my head, sounds really *redacted.* I guess this is kind of like the What If? MCU TV show, maybe? I don't know. Just having some non-serious fun when I'm not writing my other stories. Please leave me some feedback :)