A/N: Not gonna lie, I'm nervous about this chapter. Ya'll, world building is hard to write and explain so a reader understands. I know how I want it to all work, but putting it into words so it make sense was more difficult than I thought it would be. So, in the authors note at the end, I'm putting definitions of certain terms and places used in the story. I hope it helps you understand this universe better. This is my first time trying out writing lore and building my own made up universe, so please, be kind and patient with me. It won't be perfect my first go around, but with time, I'm hoping to get better and am planning to go back and edit some things after the whole story is done. And as always, sorry for grammar mistakes. I try to catch them while editing, but things slip through. I'm not a professional writer. Just doing this for fun so I can go back and enjoy reading it! Also, this is a long chapter. Like, 13,000 words. I tell myself not to write too much, and then I do. It's a constant struggle.
Chapter 10: With the Truth, Comes More Questions
Present Day
1:34 p.m.
Ben did the math in his head. In the span of arriving at the café for lunch – which had been at 12:07, when Ben got another text from Bazine while waiting in line to order – to walking into Rey's apartment, an hour and twenty-seven minutes had passed.
All of that already felt like it had happened last week.
"I think she might be losing it," Kylo commented.
Standing in her living room – his leather work satchel and suit jacket left by the front door – Ben watched as Rey tore her bedroom apart, searching for something she said was significant. Did he go in there? Should he offer to help?
Kylo spoke up. Again. "Not a lot of hidey-holes in this place to look through."
And as Ben scanned the area, he could see that there really wasn't. You go through the front entrance to find the kitchen on your left, living room on the right. Three doors were straight ahead, two for the bedrooms and one to the small bathroom. The kitchen was outdated, beige laminate floors everywhere, and the wall color was an off white hue that wasn't appealing to the eye. But all that got lost in the endless amount of antiques and knick knacks holding up residence on all the build-it-yourself shelving and on the two sideboards against the far wall.
"What's up with all this junk?" Kylo asked.
"She likes to collect things from certain time periods."
"At least try to organize. Maybe pick a theme and stick to it."
Something heavy fell from Rey's room, catching Ben's attention. But whatever it was, Rey was undeterred. As was her cat.
Ben glanced behind him at the orange fluff ball lazily lounging on the sofa, like it was just another normal day of his owner acting like a human tornado. What was more odd was the fact the cat was watching him, not minding Rey one bit.
"That chest looks like it could hold a lot of stuff," Kylo pointed out. Ben turned back to the room. Indeed, the large antique trunk could house a myriad of things, but Rey wasn't touching it. "Tell her to look in there."
"Mind your own business," Ben thought back.
"This is very much my business. She brought us up here to talk–"
"She brought me up here to talk," Ben corrected him.
"Well, neither of you is fucking talking. Instead, she's decided to pick a fight with everything she owns, and you are standing here like a complete buffoon."
"You think going into her room and telling her to stop will do anything?"
Kylo sighed with impatience. "Then do the mind manipulation trick and tell her to sit down."
"I've tried it on her before, remember? It doesn't work."
"Try again."
Ben rubbed at his temples, briefly closing his eyes. "Can you just shut the fuck up and keep going through my memories? I'm not going to explain every goddamn thing that's happened since you were gone."
"You know memories are fuzzy. It's impossible to get every single detail out of them. It would've been way easier if I had witnessed these events, but nooooo, you had to cast me out into utter darkness."
"Fucking drama queen."
Kylo stretched out onto the wall, a perfect two dimensional shadow of Ben's form. "Since I'm such a queen, be a peasant and grovel for my forgiveness."
"Get down before Rey notices you," Ben whispered harshly.
"Girl ain't noticing shit and you know it."
Ben sighed out loud, though Rey was making too much of a raucous noise to hear him. "And to think I actually missed you."
Kylo gave out a light gasp, hand going to his chest. "Is this the moment you realize I'm your ride or die?"
"My fucking what?"
"Will you ever learn today's lingo, other than the word fuck?"
"No, because all the rest are ridiculous."
Rey burst out of her room, hair disheveled and cheeks a bit rosy. "I can't find it," she said, breathless, looking intently at the phone in her hand. "And Finn won't answer my calls."
It only took a second for Kylo to go back to being a normal shadow on the floor, Rey not noticing a thing since her attention was on her smart device.
Ben went to her, but she was quick to get to her kitchen, leaving him on the other side of the island. Her purse had thrown up its contents across the countertop, Rey having been too much in a hurry to get to her room to have lightly put it down when they had arrived.
Now, she was rummaging through a lower cabinet, the clinking of glass sounding a bit too familiar to Ben. "I need Finn here… to help explain everything." Popping back up, she had a bottle of red wine in her hand.
Ben could feel Kylo take a mental step back, both of them speechless… which was a rarity for Kylo.
"He's so much better with words than I am…" and then Ben sort of tuned out whatever else she was saying because she had somehow twisted the cork off with her fingers and took a swig straight out of the bottle.
When she finally looked at him, he could see the second she realized what she was doing, panic etching itself all across her face. Turning, she launched herself to the sink and spat out the wine.
"Oh my god," she said, wiping at her mouth as she turned to face him. "I–I didn't realize what I– I didn't mean to– I just needed something–" And then she was grabbing the bottle and pouring the rest of the contents down the sink.
Ben rounded the island to go to her. "Rey–"
"I'm so sorry." Rey was on the verge of crying, focusing on getting rid of the liquid in the bottle. "You told me, you fucking told me you were a recovering alcholic and then I just–"
Ben, as gently as he could, grabbed the wine from her hands and put the half empty bottle on the counter. She protested, but he cut her off by placing his hands on her shoulders and looking her directly in the eye. "It's fine." The lie stung, it really fucking did. But what else was he going to do? She was obviously extremely distressed, and maybe drinking wine was her coping mechanism. Asking her to change her life for him was out of the question.
Rey protested. "But you–"
"If you want to drink, you can. This is your apartment, your rules. And my problems are not your responsibility; you do not have to conform to how I live my life. Okay?"
"You're not uncomfortable, or, like, tempted or something?"
"Of course he fucking is!" Kylo yelled, almost making Ben wince. But he could tell Rey felt horrible already, so he wasn't about to admit that he was. Or is.
"I was caught off guard, but I'm a big boy who can handle his own problems. Besides"–he slid the bottle closer to her– "it does look like you might need a drink." Read: she needed to fucking relax.
Luckily, his comment got her to lightly smile at his attempt for humor.
But instead of pouring a glass, she corked the bottle and put it back in what Ben saw to be a wine cooler situated in the kitchen island. It sure was well stocked.
"Maybe later," Rey said sheepishly. "And I'm really sorry–"
"You don't need to apologize."
"Oh, c'mon. Maybe a teensy-tiny apology," said Kylo, still slightly affronted.
Filling a glass with water, Rey sloshed it in her mouth and swallowed, doing it two more times. Leaving the cup on the counter, she said, "Should we… do you want to sit down?" She motioned to the living room. Ben nodded, and Rey headed over to the sofa. But before he could follow her, he rinsed out the sink more thoroughly, needing to get the smell of wine out of the air. He masked his effort by using her same glass to drink a bit of water.
As much as he tried to control it, his mouth salivated, body getting hot, hands shaking slightly as he switched off the faucet. His preference was whiskey, but when you're an alcoholic and extremely desperate, standards were lowered to the point where even cheap wine was enticing. Especially when it was right in front of you.
"You're okay, man," Kylo told him encouragingly. "It'll pass." And it did. By the time he made it to the living room, his body was in check, that itch dampened down.
Rey was sitting in the middle of the couch next to BB, elbows on her knees, hands clasped together. Wanting to talk with her straight on, Ben sat across from her on the coffee table. It was built of solid wood, probably weighing over a hundred pounds, so it took on his weight with only a slight creak, which was impressive. Like all the other furniture in the place, it was most likely really old and well built, meant to last through an apocalypse well after the end of time.
"So," Ben said, placing an ankle on his knee, hands clasping onto his calf.
"So," Rey repeated.
Ben waited. She didn't continue. Rey just kept looking at her hands, brows drawn in tightly.
"I think you're gonna need to get the ball rolling on this one," Kylo suggested.
"You gonna stay quiet?"
"Yep."
"Really?"
No reply.
Ben rolled his eyes, knowing Rey wasn't looking at him anyway. "So… Do you know why I've been having hallucinations of you?"
"You're still having those?"
"Since we met, I haven't been. Doesn't mean they won't come back."
Rey was twisting her fingers, nervous.
"Whatever you're about to tell me," Ben said gently, "I'm going to believe you."
She lifted her eyes to his. "That's a weird thing to say."
"I have a feeling we're about to get into very weird territory."
She chuckled without mirth. "You have good instincts." Pausing, she took a deep breath. "Do you believe in magic?"
"Yes," Ben responded without pause. Rey blinked at him, stunned. "Not the answer you were expecting?"
"You're 'yes' just sounded so… final."
"I've seen things that can't logically be explained." Done things, too, he added to himself. "So, I do believe there is something more out there. Whether it's called magic or spells or sorcery, they all mean the same thing to me."
Nodding slowly, Rey muttered, "Then maybe you won't find me crazy."
"Not as crazy as me," he told her with a small smile, trying to put her at ease, but she remained tense.
"Ben, I really don't know why you've been seeing me, and that's the honest truth. But…"
Ben's heartbeat up-ticked. "But?"
"I do know you. Well, we knew each other."
"I'd remember you if I had met you."
"I'd remember, too," Kylo added.
"It wasn't in this lifetime when we first met." Rey sighed, covering her face with her hands. "Finn would be able to explain it better–"
"Why do you keep saying he can explain it?" Ben leaned slightly forward. "Does he know the truth?"
It took a moment before Rey spoke, lowering her hands back to her lap. "He does. Only because… because he's like me."
"Like you how?"
"The answer to that is… complicated." She looked to her room, her eyes then darting around the apartment. "When we got back here, I was looking for something to show you so that it would be easier to understand when I tell you. Maybe we should wait till Finn gets back–"
Ben touched her knee, his palm so big, his fingers were well on her thigh. "I'm sorry, Rey, but I'm not waiting anymore. I need the truth from you. Not from Finn, not from anyone else. You. Please."
Her eyes were on his hand, staring at the contact when she said, "I don't have all the answers."
"Just tell me what you know." He withdrew his touch. "That's all I ask."
For a moment, she stared off at nothing, seeming to look lost in her thoughts or a memory. Then her eyes pierced his, holding him there as she spoke matter-of-factly. "You were born October 21st, 1885. Me – May 6th, 1895. I lived right outside of London, and you grew up in New York. I was 11 when your parents brought you to my home, and we were able to meet for the very first time. It was there we both found out they had been planning for us to be married once I was older. You were so mad, I could hear you yelling from where I sat on my swing outside, underneath my favorite tree. You weren't into the idea of your parents dictating who you were to marry. But when you came outside and we were able to talk, we both agreed to it. I think you were–"
"Stop."
Rey snapped her mouth shut, gaze falling back to her legs.
Was it possible to feel every single emotion known to man at the same time?
They both sat there in silence.
The changes in Ben's mental state had been abrupt as he listened to Rey, going from anticipation to overwhelmed in under a minute.
He just…he needed a second. To think. Assess.
Everything Rey just said made him look at their first encounter with so much clarity, it was like he was looking at his life through the most blemish free window, instead of fogged up glass. She had talked to him as if she knew him, because she had. Long ago.
Good god, it made sense. And if true… a lot of details were starting to fall into place.
Ben was eager to know more.
"Rey, look at me." A few more seconds of tense silence passed before she finally looked at Ben, moisture clearly visible in her eyes. "The husband you said you married at 19, that wasn't true."
"No. I was 17 when I got married in 1912."
So fucking young, Kylo observed.
"That wedding band." He indicated to her hand with a jut of his chin. "I gave that to you," he stated as more of a fact than a question.
Reflexively, she went to twist it on her finger, glancing at it fondly. "Yes."
"I'm the husband from your stories."
"Yes."
The next part was difficult for Ben to say. "You… you said that your husband… that I was murdered. Is that true?"
Rey opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She settled on a short nod.
"When? How?"
"1914. It was a colleague of yours. You two didn't get along very well. I had been out that day and when I got home, I found you on the floor…" Her voice broke, body shivered. "There was so much blood, a lot of it pooled around your head and I– I just… I couldn't get you to wake up. You were already gone. But I sat with you, holding you as best I could." She swiped a tear off her cheek, getting it before it got to her chin. "The gardener came an hour later, seeing me through the back window with you and…"
Ben wasn't going to push her to finish that sentence. Not now, anyway. The fine details could be talked about later.
"And you're sure it's me?" Ben asked. "That I was your husband?"
She indicated to her room with a frustrated motion of her arm. "I was trying to find the picture you and I took together while we were married, but I can't find it anywhere. I was wanting to show you, so you could see some sort of proof and not think that I'm completely insane." Rey pulled out her phone. "Maybe Finn put it somewhere, but he isn't answering my–." By all accounts, Rey froze. Didn't even blink or take a breath. Then, it was like her nervous system had jump started as she began tapping on her phone, pulling something up.
Ben leaned forward to catch a glimpse of what she was doing. "What is it?"
"I took a picture of the photograph with my phone, sometime last year…" she trailed off, focusing entirely on pulling up her photos and scrolling through them. She gasped, thumb hovering over the screen. Carefully, she handed the device over to him.
"Holy shit," Kylo said in amazement. "Dude, that's you. That is so totally you."
There he was, standing behind a seated Rey, both dressed properly for the time period it had been taken in. His face, the hair, the nose, even his large hand that was resting on her shoulder looked exactly like, well… the body he was currently now occupying.
Ben knew it was a breach of privacy, but he texted himself the photo through Rey's phone without asking.
Seeing the photo was jarring. Way more jarring than what was being told to him.
Assaulted by the slamming of his heart rate, accompanied by a cognizant alarm he was no longer able to ignore, Ben's brain tried to rise above it, but his awareness was like a snow globe being violently shaken around, all agitation that obscured what was at the center.
He needed to calm the fuck down.
Ben was already up and halfway to his new destination by the time he said, "I need to use the restroom."
He locked the door behind him, only realizing he still had Rey's phone in hand when he tried to flatten his palms on the vanity. With her phone placed face up by the soap, he stared at the photo on the screen, then at himself in the mirror.
Back and forth. Back and forth.
Fucking hell.
Fuck.
Squeezing his eyes shut, his hands held onto the edge of the faux marble countertop, breathing in and out through his nose. Thinking. Attempting to. Except his thoughts were no more organized than Rey's collectibles and antiques that littered her apartment.
"You going to say anything?" Ben thought to Kylo.
Silence. Long enough for Ben to panic that Kylo had somehow been shut out again. But then: "I need a second to think."
Rolling up his sleeves and loosening his tie, Ben paced the compacted bathroom, which consisted of two steps to the subway tiled shower, two steps to the door. Rinse and repeat.
He chewed at his lower lip, hands on his hips when Kylo said, "Out of all the explanations, I was not prepared for this."
"We weren't prepared for anything," Ben thought back. "Neither of us had any clue what the fuck has been going on with me all these years. But this…" Ben scraped a hand through his hair. "Reincarnation or something?"
"Sounds like it. The years she gave when you two met would match up with how she's dressed in your hallucinations. Wait – what if those are memories? These illusions are memories of her from your past life trying to get through?"
Ben stopped moving, looking to the door, imagining her apartment and all the stuff she had. He believed Rey to be a collector of curios that spanned decades, but those things, what if they were more than that? What if she had literally collected them while she was alive?
He pocketed her phone and opened the door with a bit too much gusto. Walking around the living area, he purveyed the horde of knicknacks lining the shelves. He came upon a pair of vintage roller skates, black leather, wheels made of wood. They were atop the box they originally came in, Chicago Roller Skates Co. printed on the front in red. The year on the bottom read 1923.
A quick look at a few other things also gave different years, none of them recent.
"Ben," Rey said softly, having watched him patiently from her viewpoint on the couch. "Are you okay?"
He kept looking at the tiny red truck in his hands when he asked, "Have you been alive this whole time?" Puting the toy back in its place, he turned around to face her. "You weren't reborn or something like I was?"
She seemed to hesitate before saying, "No, I've been alive this whole time."
"How have you not aged?"
"After you… passed, something happened to me. I don't know how or why, but I woke up and found I was stuck like this. Frozen. Nothing can even hurt me."
"You can't get hurt?"
She walked to the kitchen, opened a drawer, and procured a small steak knife. With quick precision, she applied pressure and slashed across her arm.
Ben yelled out, going to her and knocking the knife out of her grasp. He'd seen a lot of wounds in the military, knew exactly what blood gushing out from someone's body looked like. But where that should be happening on her arm, was instead fully intact dermis, not even a scratch or blemish.
"See," Rey said. "Nothing can hurt me.
He inspected it more closely, running his fingers across her cool skin. Next, he picked the knife up from the floor, and yep, the utensil was super sharp and cut the tip of his finger easily, blood beginning to bead.
Rey cursed and reached behind him, ripping off a piece of a paper towel. As she wrapped his finger, she said, "It's a real knife. I wouldn't try tricking you over something like this. And, unfortunately, I don't have any band aids." She grabbed his other hand and curled it around the improvised bandage, indicating to keep pressure on it. "Never really needed a first aid kit before."
He kept the paper towel securely around his finger, even though he knew it would heal within minutes. Which reminded him – there were things he could do that Rey didn't know about. He needed to tell her. Eventually. Once his mental faculties started functioning at normal capacity again.
Ben ordered his brain to organize all the new information quickly, but things were slow moving, and no amount of forceful thinking was going to speed up his usually impeccable – now down for the count – processing skills. It was all draining rapidly: energy, awareness, cognition.
The world went on a mental whirl.
Frankly, he was oversaturated with information. Such a feeling was a rarity for him. And since he hadn't experienced it much, he still didn't know how to properly deal with it.
"I need to sit down," he said honestly. With concern in her eyes, Rey helped him to the sofa, though he didn't need the assistance. His body was still able to move, it was his mind that was foggy.
Rey put him right next to BB. The cat opened its groggy eyes to see who the new occupant was, then went back to its nap time.
Rey was proficient in getting him a glass of water, and Ben didn't know what else to do but gulp it all down and place it on the coffee table. He placed her phone next to the glass.
Leaning his head back against the spine of the sofa, he closed his eyes. Breathed.
Sitting next to him, Rey began filling the silence by telling him about her indestructibility: her strength was extraordinary, she didn't need food or water to survive, her hair never grew or fell out, complexion stayed the same in hot temperatures, and nothing could get through her impenetrable skin. She had tested that theory by going to Letchworth State Park and flinging herself into the canyon from its highest point. Nothing had happened to her, save her clothes being ruined. She hadn't even felt any pain from all the blows on the way down.
It was one helluva way to test her body's limits, but it struck Ben as more of a tragic experiment, rather than a brave one.
"You could've died," Ben whispered. With his head still resting, he turned it toward Rey so he could see her.
"I didn't mind if that was to be the outcome." Her eyes shined with moisture, magnified by the stream of light coming in from the window. "For the longest time, I wish I could die so I could be with you again."
Talk about a heavy declaration. Ben wondered how much the fall was actually a test, or a suicide attempt.
He looked at her for a long moment, studying her honest and open face. "You loved me that much?"
"I'll always love you that much," Rey said without hesitation, without glancing away.
That seemed to knock the air right out of him, leaving him speechless for a good while. Such devotion, such loyalty had to be earned, and Ben felt like he'd been handed a rare prize for doing essentially nothing.
The breath he let out felt like it lasted decades as he leaned forward, elbows to knees, hands scrubbing at his face. "Rey," he said, voice muffled from his palms. "I'm not him."
"Yes, you are. The picture–"
"No," he said curtly, lifting his gaze to her stunned face. "I mean, yes, that is me in the photo." He indicated to her phone. "Everything is exactly the same, so that is me. But Rey… I don't remember any of it. None of it even sounds familiar to me."
Just admitting that… hurt.
Rey searched for what to say. "You've never had a dream or even a flash of a memory or–"
"No. Nothing. The hallucinations I had of you I think are from memories, but I don't even know the context behind them because all I ever saw was you."
"Do you remember anything about what I was doing? Did I say anything?"
Flipping through past encounters, Ben couldn't quite recall anything that stood out. "You'd talk, but nothing made sense. You said names I didn't recognize–"
"What names?"
"Uh…" He dug deeper, but the problem? He'd always been adamant on trying to ignore whenever her image popped up – looking away, covering his ears, anything to drown her out.
Rey put a hand on his back, probably in sympathy from witnessing how much he was struggling to remember. "Does the name Armitage sound familiar?"
Kylo said one word, to which Ben voiced out loud. "Hux?"
Rey's lips parted, taking in a gasp. "That was his last name."
"I remember other names," Kylo began saying, quickly naming them off. While Ben had made it a goal in life to ignore the illusions, Kylo had been a good student, listening and watching and taking notes.
Ben repeated the names to Rey as Kylo listed them. "There's also Mr. Daniels, Simon Quinn, Zorri, Beaumont Kin–"
And then Rey was on her feet, Ben and Kylo both going quiet. As if in a trance, she crossed the room, stopping near the TV, her back still facing him. "Zorri was my maid for some time after we were married, and Simon Quinn was your boss at the law firm you worked at."
"I was a lawyer?"
She nodded, putting her hands on her hips as she paced back and forth. "Even in this life, you make the same decisions. Or gravitate toward certain life choices. You had a knack for acting back then, too, but it wasn't something you could make a legit career out of. So you went into law, and you were quite good at it." Her tone turned more nostalgic. "You were so smart. Mr. Quinn leaned on you a lot, gave you the toughest cases. You'd win pretty much all of them."
Ben wasn't sure what to say. But Rey filled the silence as she kept describing the past, still pacing in front of him. It seemed like she simply needed something to do while she talked.
"Beaumont–" Her voice cracked. She cleared it. "Beaumont Kin also worked there. And Mr. Daniels was your butler, but you treated him like family since he worked at your parents estate where you grew up. He came to work for you after we were married and in our own home. You told me – more than once – that he was like a second father to you."
On hearing the words parents and father, Ben realized: "You knew my parents."
Rey rubbed at her neck. "I did. But I have no idea who your parents are in this life, really. All I know is that the names Luke gave you for your parents are the same names they had in your first life."
Ben could barely get a word out. "How…"
She shook her head, her legs finally planting her in one spot as her gaze went out the window. "I don't know. After you died and I woke up like this, all evidence of you and your parents, as well as me and mine, were wiped away." Ben studied her profile, and the sadness on her face was something all too familiar. Heartache looked the same on everyone's features, whether it was male or female, young or old. "No paper trail, no documentation, and none of our friends or their associates had any memory that we ever lived. The only possessions I have left is what that woman was able to save for me."
"What woman?"
"After you'd gone, and I was made into this, I went back to our home to find an older woman I'd never met before. She saved some of my belongings, telling me not to forget the good memories, or the bad. Then she disappeared, just like that." Rey snapped her fingers.
"And my Uncle?"
"Today was my first time meeting him. Your mother never had a brother, at least not back then."
Luke was involved with all this, he had to be. How much his uncle knew remained to be seen, but something was going on. There had to be more to the warning Luke had given him about not trusting anyone. Ben had thought it had something to do with Luke's life, but now, he knew in his gut that wasn't the case.
He would need to find an opportunity to confront Luke about it some time this weekend.
"The woman saved some of your stuff, too," Rey continued. "I think she was in a hurry, just grabbing things before they all vanished. Papers, law books, some of your office decor." She pointed to the small statue of Lady Justice off to her left. "This was yours, as well as the canvas." The canvas was that of a large American map, obviously old and frayed around the perimeter.
None of these things meant anything to him. He felt no attachment.
Rey looked at him, hopeful that he'd feel something.
Ben smiled gently at her, but when her face fell, he could tell she knew that the objects brought him no nostalgic value.
She went to the cello in the corner, looked down at it for a long moment. Then–
The sound of the plucked string vibrated in his skull, loosening crevices tightly held together, something bubbling up to the surface of his consciousness. Not a memory, but a piece of information. A fact.
"I gave you that cello when you were 13." Of course, Rey had already told him that her husband had gifted her the instrument. And now knowing he was the aforementioned husband, the news wasn't much of a surprise.
But knowing her age when he had given it to her… well, that was a new detail.
Rey didn't move, fingers hovering over the strings.
She plucked it again.
There was a telltale tightening rushing all over his body, a shiver of… want.
Rey faced him slowly. They stared at each other from across the room, the air thickening, becoming something Ben would willingly drown in. He had no intention for his eyes to travel down her body. But they did. He didn't mean for his face to flush and grow hot. But it did. With the way her hooded eyes were on him, she had noticed what he'd been doing.
She went to him, going to her knees, timidly taking his hands into hers. They were so small compared to his.
When their eyes met, there was a sizzling moment of stillness, and he was surprised that neither of them spontaneously combusted.
She gave his hands a squeeze. "I know… I know this is a lot, but please," she begged in a voice that trembled. "Please don't leave me again. I'll help you sort through all of this, make sense of it." No longer staring into his eyes, her attention was fully on his mouth. Rey listed forward, closer. "Stay. Come back to me. I've missed you so much and I… I can't keep living without you anymore."
Ben seemed caught, straddling the yes and the no of what could happen next. "Rey–"
"I know what I'm asking."
But Ben didn't. Not completely. Was she asking for sex? Him to love her? A serious relationship? Marriage? He didn't know.
Time stretched out, lengthening like a chord with some give in it, getting longer and longer. In the electric air between them, he could hear her breathing getting deeper, feel her warmth as she pressed her body against his.
Okay, so… sex it was, then.
There were numerous reasons for both of them not to go forward with what was about to go down, but the main one for Ben? He didn't know which 'Ben' Rey wanted to be with, for truly, they felt like two different people. She could ease her sorrows with the sex he so clealry envisioned them having, but who would she be thinking about? Him as he was now, or who he had been in the past?
How was it possible to be so severely jealous of her husband when he, in fact, is her husband? This was all becoming too intense for even Ben to handle.
But he was powerless to deny Rey in that moment, her mouth meeting his in a decisive kiss – and wow – What. A. Kiss. He wasn't prepared for her heat and softness, for her inviting scent and her lithe body as she crawled on top of him and sat right in his lap, her legs opening wide to accommodate his broadness.
She melted into him, and Ben drank her right up.
With his touch remaining gentle, his hands moved up the sides of her neck, fingers lacing into her hair. He drew her somehow closer, her compliance causing him to groan and just ever so slightly move his hips. Deeper the kiss went, his tongue finally entering her.
She started moving against him, her little grunts wounding him up tighter and tighter, hardening him more and more. There was no question she could feel his need for her, his cock straining beneath his pants for freedom.
He kept up with the kissing, even though his desire threatened to choke him to death, but at the same time, he didn't want to rush. Which was such a change of pace for him. Back in his younger years, he had fucked fast and hard and made it his mission to head out quickly after being done.
With Rey? There was no interest in being done with her as soon as possible, but it appeared Rey had other ideas.
Easing a hand off her face, she steered his palm directly onto her breast. Rey gasped. Ben followed her lead, kneading it slowly as he slightly pulled back from the kiss.
"You want me to touch you?" Ben asked, voice rough with arousal. Rey nodded, then whimpered as he swept his thumb over her nipple. "Do you ache for me here?" Rey's affirmative came out in a low groan. "I should suck it away, make it feel better."
In lieu of answering verbally, she retook his lips, pushing herself more against his palm. Ben got the point. Starting up top, he began unbuttoning her blouse, Rey helping toward the end to speed up the progress. He kissed up the side of her throat as she tossed the top aside, leaving her bra as the only obstacle.
With a quick flick of his fingers, he unclasped the back, sliding the shoulder straps down her arms until… perfection. Breasts pert, nipples hard and pink, he couldn't stop himself from palming them immediately, his thumb and forefinger working to get her nipples even harder. His stroking treatment had her panting into his mouth, biting at his lip, grinding down firmly on his cock.
Ben had one of his hands go to her lower back, making her straighten, angling her chest upward. She bucked against him when he started to suck on her nipple, his tongue flicking her sensitive flesh, tasting her, his hand going for the button on her pants–
Someone knocked on the door.
Ben and Rey froze.
The knocking stopped.
No one moved. As if waiting to see–
The rapping on the door started up again.
"Rey?" It was a woman. The hoarseness of her voice suggested she was older. "Rey, are you home? I saw you come in not long ago, and I really need your help." The woman sounded desperate.
Rey lowered her head onto Ben's shoulder and groaned, but the sound was obviously marred with impatience rather than desire.
"Please, Rey, I can't find Albert again, and I–"
Rey straightened, angling her head toward the door. "Just a minute," she called out.
When their stares met, Rey shyly smiled, and Ben curled a loose strand of her hair behind her ear, his knuckle caressing her cheek. "Whose Albert?" he asked.
"Mary's pet guinea pig." And with that, they both had trouble stifling a laugh. "She always thinks BB is out to get him."
Planting a kiss on his mouth, Ben held her there with his hands on her cheeks, his thumb wiping at her mouth when she pulled away. "Don't go anywhere," she ordered as she picked up her blouse, quickly putting it back on without the bra. Noticing BB by Rey's bedroom door, curled up and asleep, Ben couldn't recall when the feline had ditched the sofa for another spot that was quieter. Probably happened when Rey crawled onto his lap.
Ben quickly adjusted himself in his pants by the time Rey opened the door.
As Rey went to help her neighbor – wandering out into the hallway to help in the hunt of Albert and letting the neighbor see BB from the vantage point of the front door – Ben closed his eyes and rested his head back. With his heart slowing, his skin cooling off, and his blood pumping evenly throughout his body and not giving preference to a certain area, clarity started creeping its way back into his mind.
Clarity that what had just happened probably shouldn't have happened.
There was a lot to process, and still a lot to discuss. And he didn't want Rey to get confused as to who he was, and who he wasn't. The way she looked at him with devotion and love, it was like a wife looking at her husband, a lost love finding their other half.
Finding a good woman and settling down had always been a sometime-in-the-future kind of fantasy. Or just flat out fantasy, because who would marry and stay with his fucked up ass. But, just for a moment, Ben envisioned being a husband, doting on Rey by taking care of her and loving her. Surprising her with gifts, holding her at night, having her as his closest confidant and friend. Maybe… maybe even have her hold him when he was falling apart, running her hands through his hair as she comforted him. Two people taking care of each other.
Goddamit, he wanted that life. He wanted it so fucking bad, he would beg anyone just to give it to him. Do anything. Pay whatever price. But he already had that once, could he have it again?
That whole till-death-do-you-part thing had already played out, the contract between both parties now broken and leaving one of them without those key components of memories. His soul might be the same, but in his heart, he didn't feel like he was her husband, for he didn't remember even marrying her. But for Rey, she had those memories, she had those experiences.
Ben knew the truth now, so why did he feel more lost? More… frustrated?
He reached out to Kylo, but could feel the shadow was just as overwhelmed by all this as he was. They both decided on giving the other some time to think, which was rare for Kylo to do, since he always jumped at the opportunity to share his opinions. Or more like criticize Ben's choices.
Taking out his phone, Ben's eyes slightly widened. There were numerous missed calls and texts from Mitaka.
Shit.
Ben hadn't informed them he wouldn't be coming back to the office, but it wasn't just Mitaka wondering where he was. Ben had actual work he needed to get done before heading to the theater tonight.
Double shit.
It had slipped Ben's mind that the play opened tonight. Just when he thought his anxiety levels had reached their peak, they only went higher.
Rey came strolling back inside, shutting the front door and smiling as she approached him. "Albert has been found, crisis averted." Her smile wavered as she looked at him. "What is it? What's wrong?"
Whatever expression was on Ben's face, it must not have been a good one. He tried smiling back at her. "It's just work. I think I need to go back in for a bit and finish up some things before tonight."
"Oh." Rey's attempt at hiding her disappointment was a poor one. "Okay, I can go with you. I'll just pack my clothes to change into for tonight–"
Ben stood. "You don't need to come–"
"I have to," She said curtly. "The guy we saw, back at the café, I think it was Armitage. And if that's true, I can't let you out of my sight. I can't let anything happen to you."
"Armitage is what… a bad guy or something? From our past?" Rey nodded. "And you think he'll come after me?"
"He's a backstabbing piece of shit, so I wouldn't put anything past him. Which is why I need to stick by you from now on."
"Okay. But, I mean…" As her stare remained unwavering, Ben realized that she was downright serious. "What about when I go home tonight? Or going to work?"
"I can stay with you at your place, or you can stay the night here. And with work…" She thought quickly. Shrugged. "I can just hang out in the lobby or your waiting area." Ben opened his mouth, but Rey seemed to know what he was about to ask. "I'm not going to be your secretary. Whoever is right now probably needs the job, and I won't be the reason they're fired."
"Alright. But… but don't you think this all sounds a bit excessive?"
"For the circumstances, I disagree. So"–Rey headed to her room, Ben following–" we can stay at your place tonight since I'm able to pack a bag right now." In her closet, she pulled out a leather duffle bag from the top shelf. "We can figure out other details later."
With Rey puttering about, all Ben could do for a minute was just stand in her doorway and watch her pack. He sidestepped to allow her to get to the bathroom, and then she was back in the bedroom, her bag almost full.
This was not, Ben thought through clenched teeth and tight fists, his natural state. Someone else dictating his life, making decisions on his behalf, did not sit well with him. Sure, he was quickly becoming an obsessed love-sick puppy when it came to Rey, which he wasn't really trying to fight anymore. But at the same time, Ben sure did value his independence.
"This all sounds non-negotiable," he pointed out.
Rey glanced up from kneeling on the other side of her bed. "That's right, it's not." Ben scoffed, his annoyance pestering him unwillingly. Rey noticed and stood, placing the duffle on her bed, taking a second to pause the packing. "I can't take the risk of anything happening to you, Ben."
Running a hand through his now very unkempt hair, he countered, "I know how to take care of myself."
"So if someone shot you, what would happen?" Rey waited a second for him to answer. He didn't. "If you were stabbed or hit by a car or poisoned, what's the outcome of that? Because if those things happened to me, if I took those blows instead of you, I would be fine. I can't die."
"Do you even know what to look for in someone who's a threat?"
"A weapon in their hands would be an obvious sign."
Ben derisively chuckled. "Okay, say someone was stupid enough to just be walking around with a weapon in their hand for everyone to see. Do you know how to disarm a person holding a gun or a knife?" Ben kept up with the questions. "And what exactly is your plan if someone tried to kill me?"
"Kill them first."
His brows popped high. "Oh, so you have a lot of experience when it comes to killing someone, then?" Rey's lips thinned as they pressed together. "Have you even killed a person before?"
"I'm sure I can figure it out."
Ben's anger flared. "You're so fucking ignorant."
"Don't patronize me, Ben."
His stare narrowed, voice getting lower. "Then don't act like you understand things you clearly have no experience in. And you need to stop treating me like I'm some helpless child."
"I'm not–"
"You are. I don't like throwing this fact around, but since you clearly think I'm incapable of staying alive on my own – I'm a fucking Marine and fought in a goddamn war. I'm not going to be lectured on risk assessment and how to survive by someone who hasn't done either of those things."
With that said, he headed to the bathroom to get his tie, but Rey hotly followed. "I know your background and have an idea of what you can do. But I didn't handle being without you for over a hundred years just to lose you again once I finally got you back. Not if I can do anything about it."
She stood her ground in the bathroom's doorway, arms crossed over her chest, clearly blocking his way out on purpose. But having heard her admission that she had to live without him for that long, it took some of the wind out of his sails of independence and indignation.
Over a hundred years of living without the person she loved. How time must have tortured her. How loneliness must have beaten her down.
How could someone endure that? For someone like Ben who struggled with having a frozen tundra for a pericardium, even he could see how heartbreaking it all was.
Rey spoke up, her voice less hostile, but still with plenty of passion. "I'd kill anyone who would dare to hurt you. I don't care about the repercussions or what it would do to me."
Ben let out a long breath, his defiance sailing along with it. "I care what it would do to you." But he could see in Rey's obstinate eyes that her resolve wouldn't bend on the matter. Not anytime soon, at least.
What Rey didn't know was there was no way he would let her kill someone on his behalf. That kind of act haunted a person forever. He knew that.
They stood there in silence. Then Ben asked: "You really intend on us being glued at the hip? Following me around, watching me at all hours of the day?"
"It's the only plan I got," she answered, arms loosening down to her side, her on-guard demeanor softening. "And if your ego is offended by being protected by a woman, get over it."
Nodding, Ben looked at himself in the mirror, then at her reflection. "You being a woman doesn't bother me." He started taming his hair with his fingers. "Fine. We'll do it your way. For now."
God, how was he not going to sleep with her if she was there all the time, tempting him?
All aboard the Blue Balls Train.
"Choo, choo," Kylo chimed light-heartedly.
Ben stifled the laugh that nearly came out of him.
Rey watched him, confusion clearly showing on her face. "You're not, like, going to argue about it more?"
Buttons fastened at the top of his dress shirt, he started on the tie. "Arguing about it longer would just make both of us more upset. And I don't like feeling like that." It makes me want to drink, he thought to himself.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you angry. Or question your capabilities."
With his appearance in place, he went to Rey, clasping onto her hand with a gentleness he was not accustomed to showing. "I know. I'm sorry for how I acted, too." Even with Rey, apologizing didn't come naturally. But hey, he was trying.
"I'm just so afraid of losing you again," Rey said.
"I know that, too. I'm just used to doing everything on my own. Hell, I'm used to being alone."
"I can make it so you won't even know I'm there. Just a fly on a wall. Blending with the background."
His lips curved into the barest of smiles. "I'll always know you're there."
With his knuckles, he softly caressed the curve of her jaw, taking in the sense of comfort just touching Rey gave him. He'd been waiting for something like this his entire life – something beyond passion, beyond those pleasurable gasps in bed or being inside a woman.
It was the ease of companionship. Of trust.
His uncle's warning of not trusting anyone came to his forethoughts. But Ben trusted Rey. If anything, her love for him assured Ben that she would never betray him.
They both went about gathering their things, Ben's sleeves rolled down into place and suit coat back on. Rey walked out of her room with her duffle hanging on one arm, and the hard case of her concert cello secured around her shoulders like it were a backpack.
Ben chuckled at the sight of how big the instrument case was in comparison to her slender frame.
"Yes, I know I look ridiculous," Rey said with a smile. "I'll warn you now that at least five people will jokingly ask me if I have a dead body in here."
"I hope you say you do."
She shrugged. "I tell them I'm searching to fill it with one."
They both laughed as Ben grabbed his gloves and sunglasses from his bag and put them on. It was only then he noticed the cut on his finger was healed, the paper towel probably somewhere by the couch.
"Why do you wear those?" Rey asked as she opened the door. "I know you said it's because of light sensitivity and germs, but you've been trying to wear them less this week. And the lights on stage are really bright, and you seem to be okay with them."
Ben walked out into the hallway first. "It's not because of those reasons, no. Those excuses are just easier to tell everyone."
While Rey locked the door, she asked, "Then why?"
"I'll explain on the way. Maybe even on the way to the theater, too." She walked beside him as they descended the stairs. "There's… a lot you don't know about me. And there is so much more we need to talk about. But we have time."
"I hope we do," Rey muttered, probably not meaning for Ben to hear.
"We do," he told her. She glanced at him, hopeful, and went to hold his hand.
Nothing was going to happen to him, Ben knew that. He really did know how to protect himself, and he was kind of hard to kill. He was optimistic about his survival odds.
But when it came to the subject of the past, Ben hadn't the slightest clue as to how he could get those memories back. If it were even possible. Because if it weren't, would Rey even want to be with him anymore?
()()()()()
Alder Run:
The dimension in which souls waited before going down to Earth for their mortal body, a place of waiting that was overseen by House Organa. It was also the place the Celestials gathered to meet, the Empyrean Hall used for such occasions.
Sitting atop an overly large wooden chair – ornately carved and perfectly made, suited for royalty if it were on Earth – was Leia Organa, her gaze steadily fixed on the framed photo in her hands. Keeping his distance, Finn remained at the base of the steps that led up to the grand dais, where five of the ligneous seats were situated. Two were occupied by Leia and Han, the other three empty, reserved for the other Celestials.
Finn knew Snoke didn't come to the Empyrean Hall in Alder Run unless it were important, so his attendance was rare. Obi-wan, on the other hand, never made an appearance. Not since what happened with Satine. Rumors were that he stayed in the Waypoint, far away from House Organa, wanting nothing to do with the other Celestials. And Luke couldn't return for a while, having volunteered to go down to Earth to care for Ben once he'd been found to be reborn. It was a selfless act Finn had to admire.
While all Celestials had to go through their mortal trials – being raised on Earth, no memory of their spirit life, living as a human would – once finished, they had another opportunity of going back down to be the parents of their children. Their memories remained intact during that time, being fully mortal no longer a requirement.
The Kenobis, Han and Leia had done just that for Ben and Rey. But a Celestial was only allowed to live on Earth on two separate occasions: their own personal trial, and helping their child through theirs. With Han and Leia having used up both chances, they had turned to Luke, who had yet to be gifted a son or daughter. Therefore, his second Earthly opportunity had not yet been used.
Now, he was using it for Ben, which meant he wouldn't be able to use it for his future child when he received one.
It was a huge sacrifice on his part.
Seeing the three empty chairs didn't really hinder decisions being made. While the Celestials were supposed to discuss matters of importance as a group, everyone knew where the real power and authority had been placed:
With Leia Organa. Whatever she decreed, was done.
Finn had been a Reaper long enough before Leia had lost her son to know that it hadn't been like that before. Even though Organa had the power to overrule the majority of the group, it was extremely rare for her to do so. She had even listened to lesser divine beings when problems arose, settling squabbles between Angels and Emissaries, ruling fairly. The seraphic community had been run like a democracy, if Finn were to describe it in Earthly terms.
Now, it's morphed more into a dictatorship.
"So." Leia looked directly at Finn, intimidation radiating from her youthful features. "You've been lying to me for decades that Lorraine had a picture of my son. Is that what you're saying?"
Her grip visibly tightened on the frame, which, if broken, didn't really matter. The photo under the glass was a copy. The original, however, was in a protective plastic sleeve that was, unfortunately, right on Leia's lap.
Finn glanced over at a stoic Poe standing beside him, hoping the Angel could feel the ire pulsing out of him in waves. "The Angel had no right to go into Lorraine's apartment and go through her things," Finn said accusingly, making sure to use Rey's actual name. Leia didn't like the nickname being used.
"Lorraine has no rights. Not after what she's done." Leia placed both the picture frame and the original photo on the side table next to her chair. "Did I not make myself clear that if there were any photos or heirlooms belonging to Ben, that they were to be given to me?"
Finn swallowed. He remembered the order. "If they had gone missing, she would have suspected something."
"You still could've told me she had this photo and aired your concerns at the same time. I would've made a decision based on it."
"Instead you chose to violate her privacy."
"Watch your tongue, N'th-Mhitegin," she chastised, using the Celestial language to voice his rank as an Emissary. "You may have been granted certain privileges your other colleagues have not, but don't think that means you can talk to me like you're my equal."
Grounding his molars, Finn looked to the side, trying to quell his rising anger. He focused on the circular windows lining the walls, studied the lush green vines coming in from outside and twisting along the gray stone. With this dimension experiencing no seasons, the windows were not paned since the weather was perpetually pleasant and warm.
Finn was too far into his annoyance to feel the peace this place emitted. "What is to be my punishment?" he asked, keeping his tone as neutral as possible.
"I guess that's to be decided, now isn't it." Leia adjusted the long sleeves of her white gown. "Fortunately for you, Lorraine trusts you and is used to having you by her side. So for now, your punishment is delayed." Han, who had been stock still and silent the whole time, looked to be visibly relieved. Finn found that odd.
Next, Leia addressed Poe. "Any developments on the Kyber blade?"
"Nothing. I haven't seen any signs that Ben has it."
"And what of Lorraine?" Leia's stare bounced between Finn and the Angel, pointing the question at them both. "Could she possibly have it?"
"I haven't seen any signs that she does," Poe answered.
To Finn, the question was utterly ridiculous. He refrained from rolling his eyes.
"No," Finn said bluntly.
Leia quirked a brow. "You sound sure."
"I am."
Upon being given the assignment of basically spying and reporting on Rey, Leia was adamant in her belief that Rey somehow had the Kyber blade. Finn had been tasked in getting it from her, but there was zero evidence that she had it. Which brought Finn some relief, but also, some dread.
The Kyber blade only took the form of a sword when it was in use, otherwise, it was a clear crystal that held the perfectly balanced mixture of light and dark energy. When held with the intent to use it as a weapon, it morphed into a glowing blade, its light not quite as blinding as the sun, but still strong.
One swipe of the blade on the skin, and you were gone. Your soul, body, all of your energy was wiped from existence. No going to the Ether, no Heaven or Hell to be judged into. There was nothing left.
It had gone missing at the same time as Ben's death. Finn figured its discovery should be top of the priority list, but it wasn't. Ben and Rey were in that number one spot.
"If I may suggest..." Poe took a step forward. "Could it be possible that Snoke has it hidden somewhere?"
Finn watched the Angel in shock. If there was one thing everyone knew, it was not to bring up Allistair Snoke in an accusing manner. The Celestial had done a lot for Leia after she lost Ben, proving to her that he was a friend and ally to be trusted. Honestly, Finn wasn't sure what to make of Snoke. The guy gave him the creeps, but that might just be because Abaddon – the dimension evil souls go to and that Snoke managed – gave Finn the heebie jeebies.
Leia was taken aback for a moment. "Allistair? You're accusing another Celestial of stealing it?"
"He's not the only one," Han finally spoke up.
Looking between her husband and the Angel, she said, "You know that after everything that happened, we had his dwelling extensively searched, which he was more than helpful with. There was no sign of it anywhere."
"Maybe he hid it elsewhere."
"Angels scoured the Earth for it, searched Abaddon, even looked all over the Waypoint for it. He couldn't have hidden it anywhere."
"But you think it more likely that Lorraine somehow took it?" Han posited, his annoyance clearly on display. "And when exactly would she have had time to do that?"
"In between being executed and miraculously coming back to life," Leia resolutely offered as an explanation.
Han pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing. "Come on, Leia, she doesn't even remember her time before Earth. She doesn't even know what the Kyber blade is."
There was a standoff between the two where they just stared at one another, the air quickly growing awkward for all viewing parties, which were just Finn and Poe.
Suddenly, Leia looked right at Finn. "Leave us."
Finn hesitated. "I'll need to take the photo back."
"I'm keeping it."
"Then I'll take the copy."
"They both stay with me."
Still, Finn stood his ground. "It's the only photo she has of him."
"Tell me, is being in that human play your idea, or Lorraine's?" Finn's eyes grew wide. Reapers weren't allowed to participate in human activities. The consequence of doing so wasn't pleasant. Leia smugly watched him, knowing she got the better of him. "Get out," she commanded.
Finn clenched his fists so tight, it was a wonder his nails didn't break his skin. But he did as he was told and left.
He hurried through the opulent double doors and went down the pristine stone steps in a matter of seconds, taking in a big gulp of air as soon as his shoes hit the curated green grass. Rubbing at his face, the exhaustion pressed into him, the realization that having stood up for Rey back there could've gone much worse. Organa could've easily disposed of him. He could tell she wanted to. But for now, he was still useful to her.
His life wasn't his own. Thinking of that made him sick.
He loved Rey like she was his family. A sister, even. He'd been with her for so long, watched her drag herself out of that deep pit of despair, and had been there to comfort her through all the guilt she put on herself. For the longest time after Ben's death, she wasn't even a functioning person. Finn had to help her bathe, brush her hair, find things to entertain her and bring her happiness – which had involved taking things apart and putting them back together. Ever since TV and movies became a thing, her tinkering days had dwindled, but every now and then, Finn would find her randomly dissecting a toaster or whatever she could get her hands on that day.
Did Organa know that about Rey? Did she know how smart she was, that her favorite snack was a banana with peanut butter? Or how she had a weird obsession with watching videos of antique rugs being cleaned?
How quick they all were to judge her when they knew nothing about her, except for her past mistakes. Her regrets.
Someone came up beside him.
Holding back the urge to deck the guy in the jaw, Finn confronted the Angel. "How could you? You broke into Rey's apartment, went through her things, and stole one of the most precious things she has."
Poe stood tall, not even a glimpse of shame on his face. "She's convinced Rey has the Kyber blade. I needed to give her something to mollify her. I could've taken everything in there that once belonged to Ben, but I didn't."
"Don't pretend to be altruistic. You just want Rey to suffer." Not waiting for the Angel to reply, Finn set off on the walkway, back to the two large trees off in the distance. They were rooted closely together, ten feet or so apart, with their trunks so wide Finn wouldn't come close to wrapping his arms around the wood. It would take twenty men to do such a thing.
Between them shimmered a foreportal, a pearlescent pulse of energy that would take Finn to any other foreportal he so wished. This type of portal traveling was more rare and had to be placed between live trees. It connected the dimensions together – Earth, The Waypoint, Abaddon, and Alder Run – for a faster means of transport. Earth was the only dimension that had numerous foreportals placed throughout it, with Central Park housing the one Finn mainly used.
But throughout New York – and all the cities and towns on the planet – Angels and Reapers had their own system that allowed traveling amongst the mortals more quickly and efficiently: subportals.
These were everywhere and could be made by any Angel or Emissary who could learn how to impart their own energy into creating one. Subportals were grounded on Earth and didn't allow interdimensional travel. But they were really convenient and needed since divine beings were not permitted to interact with the human world.
Doorways were the usual places the subportals were anchored to, but it had to be ones that were framed with wood, like the standard 2x4's that were later covered with sheet rock. At the bare minimum, some type of wood just had to be around it. All portals needed wood to work, the organic material able to hold the energy without it ever fading.
Right now, Finn's sights were fixed on the foreportal ahead as he desperately needed to get back to Earth.
Hurrying, he made sure to keep his steps light, not wanting to leave a blemish behind on the impeccably kept walkway. All the pathways in Alder Run were made of short cut grass, its vibrant hue of green so sharp and idyllic, it almost looked to be painted on. But it was real. The first time Finn had come here all those decades ago, he had knelt down and touched it, feeling moisture and its organic softness.
All the plant life was real and thriving, even though it never rained.
Finn glanced around, eyes gliding over the other walkways that branched out from the foreportal, all leading to other grand stone buildings that encircled the double trees. He didn't know where newly arrived souls were kept, waiting to go down to Earth for a body. He just knew they were housed in this dimension and were under the responsibility of House Organa.
Sight wandering over what wasn't designated as a pathway, Finn observed how the other vegetation was allowed to grow more wild, more carefree, allowing a certain warmth to be brought to the atmosphere. In that array of high grass, the meadows softly created patterns of green, interspersed with golden flowers.
It truly was a beautiful place: warm, elegantly inviting, peaceful. Too bad the woman who ran it and even designed everything was a raging monster out for revenge against his one and only friend.
The foreportal was close now, the hum of the energy growing stronger with each step.
"Stop following me," Finn grumbled between his teeth. The Angel had been staying close behind him.
"I was asked to escort you back."
"Not needed," Finn said with outright annoyance. "I can clearly see where to go." The portal was within twenty steps or so, the light gray bark of the wood stretching high into the air. The branches of both trees intertwined to form lush green canopies above, the leaves that never fell offering shade from an eternally illuminated sky.
Poe kept up with him. "I also have a play I need to get to, just like you."
Finn rolled his eyes, broke into a run… and stopped in a forested area in the middle of Central Park. Going through portals was like walking through a climate of warm air with just the faintest feeling of compression, akin to draping a weighted blanket over your body while lying on the softest mattress. It was quick and pleasant, almost rejuvenating.
No one was around, but even if they had been, there was a cloaking bubble around the area that wouldn't allow mortals to notice him. Same went for the subportals.
Twigs snapped from behind. Finn turned, seeing Poe had gone through the portal as well.
The Angel grabbed a phone from his jeans pocket, checking the screen. "Looks like we'll need to go straight there."
Indeed, a quick look around and it was obvious the sun had already started to dim and set for the evening. Time was a fickle thing when in different dimensions. Earth always tended to go by quicker.
It took everything in Finn to stifle a groan. "There is no 'we'."
Finn set his focus on getting to the sidewalk. From there it would take six minutes to get outside of Central Park where he could get to the subportal situated in the entrance of the American Museum of Natural History.
"We're both going to the theater," Poe commented as he jogged and hopped over a bush to catch up to Finn. "Might as well travel together."
Pushing a branch out of his way, Finn didn't bother holding it for the person behind him. Poe cursed under his breath, which put the slightest of smiles on Finn's lips.
Taking a sharp left once on the sidewalk, Finn caught the eye of three older women sitting on a bench. He gave them a nod and hurried on his way, knowing that seeing two men rush out of a thick wooded area was hardly the oddest thing they'd ever seen in New York. Or Central Park.
"I'm sure you can take a different route," Finn said to Poe, who was now beside him.
"You know what they say: safety in numbers."
Finn abruptly stopped, spearing him with a glare. "What do you want?"
"Want? Who says I want anything?"
"I know you don't like Reapers. Your prejudice is quite obvious. So you wouldn't be following unless you're trying to muster up the courage to ask me for something."
"Puh-lease," Poe enunciated, tacking on a rather dramatic eye roll. "I don't need courage to talk to you."
"Great." Finn continued walking, saying over his shoulder, "If you have nothing to say, then leave me alone."
"Wait," Poe called out.
Finn didn't wait. This time, Poe had to run in order to catch up to Finn.
Once he could see the Angel in his periphery, Finn stated, "So there is something."
"It's not about what I want, but… rather what Han wants from you."
"Han Solo?"
"You know any other Han's?" Poe said with a hint of sarcasm. He continued before Finn could answer. "Something is going on with the Emissaries. More and more of them are disappearing and he–"
"Isn't Leia the one having them move onto the Waypoint?"
Poe grabbed Finn's arm, making him stop. "No, she's not. They're missing." Finn shrugged out of the guy's grip, annoyed. "And she doesn't just go around ordering souls to the Waypoint."
"Say that to Satine." Except she'd gone straight to the Ether.
"What happened to Rey's mother doesn't matter right now."
"Just because you don't care what happened to her doesn't mean I don't."
A group of bicyclists zoomed past them, calling out for pedestrians to make room. Finn and Poe both went to the side, letting them pass.
"You only give a shit on behalf of Rey," Poe countered, a little too loud. A mother sitting with her toddler on a bench turned to look right at him. They moved a bit onto the grass, more out of ear shot.
"It's still a valid reason to give a shit," Finn argued, crossing his arms. "I know what this will do to Rey once she learns the truth."
"Han won't be happy to hear that your refusal to do as he asks is because of something his wife did a long time ago."
Finn rolled his eyes. "Go and tattle. I give less of a fuck about how Han feels the more you talk to me."
Finn tried to step around the Angel, but the guy stood right in his way.
"Look, man, we need your help." Poe lowered his voice, leaning closer to Finn so he could hear over all the pedestrian traffic. "Something is going on right under Leia's nose, and Han wants you to poke around and see what you hear from other Emissaries."
Something clicked in Finn's mind.
He remembered what Phasma had once told him: "Things are starting to change around here, and when they do, you're going to want to be on the right side."
Phasma had been tight lipped since then on what she was meaning. Really, all the Emissaries made an effort of staying away from him. Ever since his assignment of sticking with Rey, he'd been unspokenly cast out from whatever small social circle the Emissaries had formed among them. So digging further into what Phasma had told him or investigating on Han's behalf was impossible.
Finn shook his head. "Find someone else for the job."
"I want to, but I can't. The list of people we can trust is very short."
"Who's on the list?"
Poe pulled out a packet of cigarettes, sticking one in his mouth. "So far: Han, me, and now, I guess you."
"That's barely even a list," Finn pointed out.
While lighting up, Poe muttered, "I know."
"Organa doesn't know about it?"
"No." Smoke hitched a ride on Poe's exhale. "And we would like to keep it that way."
Finn's phone buzzed in his pocket. Then again. A third time. He ignored it. "So let me get this straight – You want me to spy on my own people because some of them have gone missing?"
Poe gave him a perplexed look as he took another drag. "Your own people?" The Angel chuckled. Actually chuckled. "Dude, I may not interact with Reapers all that much, but even I know they don't like you. They think you're getting off easy by watching over Rey while not having to take on a lot of assignments. Which, I kinda see their point, but Leia gave you this order, so they shouldn't be holding it against you. But they are." Finn was very tempted to smack the cigarette out of Poe's insufferable hand. "In my opinion, you don't owe them your loyalty with how they've treated you."
The alerts from Finn's phone were nonstop since he was just now receiving reception. But the Angel was pissing him off too much for him to see who it was from.
"And I owe you loyalty?" Finn asked incredulously. "Man, Angels treat us like crap all the time." Buzz. "I may not get along"-buzz-"with my kind, but I can"-buzz-"at least relate to them when"-buzz-"it comes to how we've been treated"-buzz-"by the rest of you."
Poe, clearly irritated, pointed at the phone in Finn's pocket. "Holy shit, can you check who's trying to get a hold of you?" Finn grabbed his phone, unlocking the screen. "Better be more important than this conversation… that's going nowhere."
As Finn saw the countless missed calls from Rey and her dozens of texts, his gut fell all the way down to the center of the Earth. "Oh no," he breathed out.
Finn hadn't noticed that Poe had saddled up next to him, reading the texts over his shoulder.
Poe tried to grab the phone, but Finn was quick in keeping it out of his reach. "She told Ben the truth? What did she tell him? Everything?"
"I don't know," Finn said honestly, trying to read the rest of the messages as he walked in circles to counter Poe from seeing them.
Poe was becoming more frantic. "Has she been planning on telling him–"
"I don't know."
"But she must have told you–"
"How many times do I need to say I don't know before you catch its meaning? I didn't know she was going to tell him, and I don't know what exactly she has told him."
"I need you to find out."
"She couldn't have told him much. She doesn't even know everything." Finn was almost caught up with the texts when he suddenly stopped after reading a certain message. "Wait. I thought Armitage wasn't supposed to go anywhere near her?"
Poe was taken aback by the question. "He's not. Everyone's been told not to."
"Guess the rules don't apply to him." Finn put the phone screen right in front of Poe, giving him a second to read the part of the text that explained how Rey saw him across the street when she and Ben were out at lunch together.
When Poe visibly tensed, Finn knew the Angel had read enough. "Why is he following her?"
"What makes you think he's following her and not Ben?"
"He has a history with Rey." Right when Finn said it, when he knew that small little piece of information was airborne, he regretted it.
"What history? That they knew each other when they were previously alive?" Poe cocked his head slightly to the side, took a step closer to Finn. "Or do you mean something else?" Finn kept quiet. "There's something else, isn't there."
"If there was, I wouldn't tell you."
Poe studied Finn for a long moment, the eye contact growing uncomfortable. "No… you wouldn't," he conceded. It surprised Finn that the Angel backed off, his attention going briefly to the inconsequential people walking through Central Park. Poe tossed his cigarette atop the dirt, putting it out beneath the toe of his black boot. "Don't worry about Armitage. I'll take care of him. And–." Poe paused, still looking away from Finn. "If Leia finds out you've kept secrets from her to protect Lorraine, there's nothing anyone can do to help you. You need to be careful."
The unsolicited advice floored Finn. Even if he had wanted to say something back, he had no time to. Poe turned away and left Finn standing there.
Did telling someone not to worry actually ever work? Because it sure wasn't in this case. Finn knew the things Armitage had done in the past, thanks to Rey opening up to him. Seeing the guy again could very well make her spiral.
The fact that Armitage worked for Snoke was also a fact Finn couldn't look past.
Maybe that particular Celestial really was up to something serious.
A/N
Alder Run: the dimension in which souls wait before going down to Earth for their mortal body, overseen by House Organa. It is also where the Celestials convene for discussions and meetings, the grand Empyrean Hall used for such occasions. Abaddon: a holding place for the wicked and evil spirits of the world, looked over by Allister Snoke. It is a dark and gloomy place, covered in high rock columns, caverns, and thick dust. Once a soul's time of judgment comes, they pass through the Shroud to enter the Ether, a dimension where God dwells and where Heaven and Hell are located. The Waypoint: a holding place for the good and upstanding souls of the world, looked over by House Kenobi. It is covered in greenery and warmth. Once a soul's time of judgment comes, they pass through the Shroud to enter the Ether, a dimension where God dwells and where Heaven and Hell are located. The Shroud: the entrance to the Ether. Only deceased souls can pass through when it is their time to do so. The Ether: a dimension beyond the Shroud, it is comprised of Heaven and Hell. After entering the Ether, the soul is judged by God. Foreportal: a highly energized portal that allows travel between dimensions. Alder Run, Abaddon, and the Waypoint only have one, while Earth has numerous locations in each country. These portals have to be situated between live trees in order to sustain the portal's power, and only Celestials can create them. A protective barrier surrounds it that makes humans unaware of someone traveling through. Subportal: a lesser portal that allows travel only on the Earthly plane. It can be created between closely situated wood fragments, most commonly placed in doorways that are framed with wood. Angels and Emissaries can create them if they learn how to use their own divine energy to do so. A protective barrier surrounds it that makes humans unaware of someone traveling through. Trials of Mortality: A test every Celestial must undergo. They become human and live on Earth for a certain period of time in order for them to later understand the beings they will preside over. Once the trial is over, they are ready to be the head of their respective Houses and for the Celestial parents to move on unto the Ether. After being blessed with their own child, they now have a second chance to come down to Earth as parents – retaining all their memories and not fully mortal – as they watch over their offspring going through their mortal trials. Celestials can only live on Earth on those two occasions. The cycle then repeats. Emissary: also known as a Reaper in the English language – or N'th-Mhitegin in the Celestial tongue – they find lost souls and bring them to either the Waypoint or Abaddon. They can dispatch hauntings and reverse possessions, their voice inculcated with the power to order deceased souls to do as they command. To be on Earth for a long period of time, they are imbued with a small degree of mortality, which can cause them to die if they take on a catastrophic injury. Angel: a soul who forgoes an Earthly body to serve the Celestial houses. They can bestow blessings onto humans and hear a person's prayers if they are meant to help them. To be on Earth for a long period of time, they are imbued with a small degree of mortality, which can cause them to die if they take on a catastrophic injury. Kyber blade: a crystal composed of the perfect balance of light and dark energy. When held with the intent of using it, a white glowing blade forms from it. A single scratch from the blade wipes a soul from the very fabrics of existence, nothing of them remaining.
I originally saw the term Alder Run on twitter that someone made up, and I loved that it resembledAlderaan in sound so much, I wanted to use it. I can't find the tweet, but just know I didn't come up with it. An amazing mind out there did, and I give them all the credit!
