Two days later, and James felt like he had settled into a new routine here. But the highlight of his time here came after that evening's session. He was in that weird floaty state between meditation and sleep, his eyes struggling to stay open as he stayed still. Across him, Harry's eyes were closed, his features in an unusual frown of deep concentration.
James never really stopped feeling weird about the fact that the couldn't particularly… feel his treatment happening, given that it was all technically happening in his head. But it was an undeniable fact that his head somehow felt clearer and lighter since they had begun the mind healing sessions.
The daily meditations that Harry had prescribed him to do were also proving fruitful. He truly had begun recovering key memories he never even realized he had. He could recall the majority of his childhood already; though his years nearer to when the war began were still a work in progress. It was… weird, basically reliving his whole childhood with Steve now that he clearly remembered everything.
When Steve had initially tracked him down in Romania, he had already recovered enough memories to know he had been close to Steve. But knowing and understanding were totally different things. That oddness was only exacerbated by his visit to the museum and reading about their friendship, and only really served to alienate him to feeling like it wasn't really him they were talking about.
No, the bulk of his memories had only given him the knowledge that he was – is? – best friends with Steve Rogers. But he didn't feel anything like a deep relationship he supposedly had with the other man. But now… well, he still didn't really know what he'd feel if he were to see Steve again now. But he'd resolved not to worry about it until the moment came. It wasn't like he could do anything more about that on his own.
He hadn't told Harry, but part of the reason why he hadn't yet worked through the memories of his latter years involving the war and beyond was because he was honestly… scared to. He wasn't sure he wanted to relive those memories, especially knowing the fact that they played a big part in shaping who his identity as "Bucky Barnes" was.
Daily, he would recall what Harry said about him not returning to the man he once was, but rather embracing the man he now is. He hoped that would give him the courage to accept what he'd gone through, and move forward with his life at last.
James wasn't sure yet what that would look like for him. He highly doubted he could just slide back into his 'role' as "Captain America's best friend" again. Nor did he know if he even wanted a part of the whole 'superheroes' thing that was going on now.
Blinking absentmindedly and focusing on Harry, James wondered if they would keep in touch even after his treatment was finished. He hoped so, at least. Harry signified a friend that he had made in this new phase of his life; someone who didn't know who he was before, not even any preconceptions from the media and history either.
Going off on a tangent, he wondered if it was possible for him to endear himself to the magical community enough that they would let him stay involved with them. At the very least, every magical person he'd met so far had little to no knowledge of who he was, and it was a liberating feeling. The thought brought a small amused smile to his face.
Before he could entertain the thought further, he registered Harry's green eyes fluttering open. Ever since he started paying attention a few days ago, James had noticed that it seemed to take a good moment or two for Harry to 'come back' from one of their sessions. He wondered whether it was just the sensation of leaving another's consciousness, or something else.
"Harry?" he called out softly, around about when Harry would usually return to full alertness. He waited patiently as Harry's eyes closed again and stayed so as Harry frowned, and dipped his head as if he were shaking off the last vestiges of sleep, before facing James with his striking eyes.
"James," he breathed, a wide smile spreading across his face. It wasn't a full-blown grin, as signs of tiredness pulled at the edges of his eyes, but it was enough to have James smiling questioningly in return. "We did it," Harry tipped forward and grasped onto James' hand, squeezing excitedly.
"Did what?" James tilted his head. It wasn't like he could shake his head and find out what had changed.
"I've been working on it this whole time because it was the most obvious but also most urgent matter," Harry was rambling, "but I finally got it safely removed and extracted." He squeezed James' hand again, and the other man felt a faint tremble in Harry's grip – he wondered if it was from nerves or excitement.
"The trigger words," Harry finally explained, hearing James' breathing hitch. "The one with ten words in it; intended for forcing mission compliance. I've removed them."
"You-," James was speechless, his mouth moving like a goldfish. "How?" He immediately shook his head at the idiotic question, then followed it up with a quiet, "are you sure?"
Harry nodded enthusiastically, "yes! Made sure I got them out cleanly and destroyed them immediately. The gaps they left will soon be filled with more of your missing memories, I'd imagine."
James still couldn't really believe it, but the more he stared at Harry's bright smile, the more the tension bled out of his form and wonder flooded into his own expression. He could only stare dumbly at Harry until the other began laughing at his dumbstruck speechlessness.
"Come on," Harry jostled their joined hands, "let's have dinner first while we talk."
Not being able to do anything but nod silently, James stood up easily then used his hand to hoist Harry up with him. Harry was already thanking him when he swayed and stumbled into James. Their hands released as Harry steadied himself and laughed in awkward embarrassment at the stumble, mumbling an apology.
They both then turned and started making their way back onto the deck, where they'd been having their dinner the last two nights. They pulled out their chairs and sat as Harry called for Kreacher. The wizard rested his face on his hand, and closed his eyes as a serene smile still lingered on his lips. It was funny to James that it seemed Harry was happier about this than he was.
Just as they were about to dig in, Harry suddenly perked up for a moment, causing James to pause. "Oh," Harry turned to look behind him into the hallway, "someone's at the wards." He stood up, and James relaxed only because Harry didn't seem bothered by whoever it was that had come knocking. "You can get started while I get this, James."
"That's alright, I can wait," James watched as Harry pushed aside the glass doors and walked into the dark hallway. He flicked his wand and it was soon bathed in light, and not a second after, Harry seemingly tripped over nothing and his shoulder slammed into the wall as he stumbled sideways.
"Harry?" James exclaimed in surprise, body halfway out of his seat without him even thinking. He straightened when Harry waved a hand to signal he was fine.
"I'm ok, I'm fine," Harry laughed awkwardly at his clumsiness. He could practically feel James' frown against his back as he righted himself. He heard heavy footsteps approach him and sighed good-naturedly, "really, James, I'm alright."
"Just a little tired, I'll get Kreacher to—" Harry summoned one of the dining chairs, intending to sit for a moment as he spoke. James watched as he took one step towards the deck and his legs gave out. It was followed by Harry's eyes rolling back as his body fell limp.
In a flash, James was out of his seat and he vaguely registered catching the chair that was speeding towards Harry due to his summon, and tossing it uncaringly behind him as he took three long strides and smoothly caught Harry before he could crumple onto the floor.
"Harry?!" he nearly shouted, alarmed. He looked down and saw that Harry had clearly lost consciousness. He shook him gently, hoping to rouse him, but Harry remained unresponsive. "Harry? Harry! What—" He looked around helplessly, what could he do? James didn't even know what had happened, let alone what he could do to help Harry.
Did you catch all the 'hints' in this chapter that this was about to happen? There are 6 in total!
