Chapter 3
Buffy wrapped her hair in a towel. She had been in the bath so long that her hands were like prunes. She had done all the 'girly' things, but still she couldn't get all thoughts of Spike out of her head. She had tried whilst she'd moisturised, drank a large glass of wine and finally got out of the bath when the water became too cold to bear. What were these feelings-had they been there all the time? Had she been blind? She opened the microwave as it pinged and took out her chicken chow mein. She went through to the bedroom, flicked on the tv and cuddled up under the duvet. But she really didn't see the screen or even taste the instant meal. She ate quickly and,tossing the remnents on the floor, she snuggled further under the duvet.
She slept badly, tossing and turning and then finally at five am she got up to start the coffee machine. She couldn't go to work today. She didn't want to spend the day with him, trying to be normal and at the same time trying not to think about him. She called the garage answer phone, leaving Spike a short message:"Not coming in today, see you tomorrow."
She drank her coffee, the first of many.
By lunchtime he had called her answerphone every hour." Was she ok, was she mad at him, he missed her" She slouched in her pj's all day, caught up on paperwork, got ahead with the accounts. She even did her washing, anything to distract her from actual reality. She listened to the message at seven, eight and nine and when no call came at ten, she hoped he had given up, although part of her cursed him for having given up so easily. She pushed her duvet back on the bed, brushed out the crumbs and climbed in. She tried to read a magazine but the words jumbled into nothing and soon all she could see was Spike.
The constant door bell ringing woke her instantly. She rubbed her eyes, reluctantly left her warm bed and padded out into the hall. She didn't want to answer it. She knew it was him. Who else called at one in the morning?
Buffy peered through the peephole in the front door.
Of course it was him, leaning on the door bell. He had been drinking,eyes partially closed and what looked like red lipstick smeared across his mouth. She pulled the door open sharply and Spike fell in across the threshold.
"Hello,luv," He said loudly."Just wanted to see how you are."
She tried to shut the door and he yelled loudly asit connected with his head.
"Fuck!" He scrambled to his feet and stood swaying before her, but still she could not look at him. She stepped back to shut the door.
"Oh, wait." He moved past her, stopped her shutting the door and went outside. He returned with a tall blonde girl. Very short skirt,lipstick smeared across her mouth and a very tight t-shirt on.
Just his type, Buffy thought angrily.
She watched, open-mouthed, as Spike led the girl towards the living room. He had just brought a girl back to her place, her home. Her temper began to boil again. She slammed the front door hard and followed Spike down the hall,just ashe was pushing the girl towards the sofa. Buffy grabbed him by his coat and dragged him back into the hall,nearly pulling him over.
"Back in a minute! " He shouted to the blonde.
He face Buffy then, tilting his head at her."I've been ringing you all day. I wanted to make sure you were ok,pet."
Finally Buffy exploded.
"You've come here at this time with some whore and I'm supposed to be pleased to see you!" She couldn't hold back and she raised her hand and slapped him hard across the face. Spike fell backwards but managed to save himself from falling. Instinctively he slapped her back, making her bite the inside of her mouth. The taste of the blood made her even angrier.
"You bastard!" She roared and punched his face. Immediately she felt the pain in her hand. It felt like it had splintered into a million pieces. She cried in pain, even though it was the last thing she wanted to do in front of him.Spike rubbed his cheek, already red and swelling. Buffy slid to the floor in the hall and cried hard.
"Buffy..." She felt him at the side of her. She felt him sit down, back against the wall. Still she didn't look at him.
"Just go!" She sobbed. Spike turned slightly and tried to touch her shoulder. Buffy shrugged him off. "You brought her here, to my home. To do what,Spike? Shag her on the sofa? Don't you think about me at all?" She spoke quietly now. She had no energy left to shout.This pain,this jealousy was the worst pain she had ever experienced. The women he had had in his life,they had never bothered her before. She had laughed at his antics so many times, but now...
"Don't you even care what I think?" She loked down at her throbbing,swollen hand.Spike touched her cheek gently.
"Why can't you look at me?" He asked her gently. He was totally sober now.
" 'Cause I don't like you anymore."
"Liar." He pronounced, and Buffy turned to hit him with her good hand. He caught her wrist in time.
"You'll hurt yourself again,luv."
"I'm trying to hurt you."
Spike released her hand.
"You've already done that,pet." The tone of his voice made her finally look at him.Immediately she saw the hurt in his face. He looked so sad. The sadness in his eyes made her heart lurch.
With her good hand she touched his face, and he turned to look at her fully. His blue eyes touched her to her toes. In that instant, she knew that she loved him. He sat there in front of her with the same expression on his face he had had as a child, as the boy she had met all those years ago. They had been through so much together, but going down this path maybe wasn't such a good idea. Especially if the feelings were one sided.
"I'm so sorry." She whispered and leant across to kiss his forehead. As she pulled back, she caught sight of his face and for one moment it almost looked like a look of...
Could it be?
She continued to look at him.
"Spike!" A bored voice called from the living room."I really wanna go home!"
With a sigh, he stood up leaving Buffy sitting in the hall.
"You'd better get your lady friend home." She whispered and watched as he got her from the living room and left.
She cried only once the front door had slammed shut.
A/N: Thanks for all my reviewers, and thanks to the people who read but don't review. (I think there are some people who do that...I certianly do. Anyway, thanks so much to anyone who likes this fic. Please keep reviewing!)
