Disclaimer: Es ist mein nicht (It is not mine)
If: Ah Inspiration you fickle thing. Y'all can thank the wonderful band E Nomine for this chapter, they inspired me. Their song "Das Omen" is used in here, and its not mine (though I love it so).
GiveMeTheGaaraAndNoOneGetsHurt: w00t. I'm glad you're loving it and that the Gaara torture wasn't too much for ya (I was a bit worried about that). And sweet! I have a new fan:happy dance:
YINGYANGBLOSSOMS : Woo! Thanks a lot! I'm glad ya liked it so much!
xX-Angel.Eater-xX: Yup, Gaara's dad's an evil bastard in my opinion... and suspense is awesome:evil laugh:... I mean horrible. :)
Brooklyn'sGurl: Yup, evil Gaara dad. He's just so creul to poor Gaa-chan. Thanks so much for thinking it turned out so great! I'm so glad you liked it (in all its violence)!
Jenanien: Ooo... I made someone cry. I may be twisted, but I've always wanted to bring that sort of emotion out in my readers by my stories...
Du bist mein Heiligtum (You are my sanctuary)
Du bist mein Licht im Raum (You are my light in the room)
Du bist das Leben (You are the life)
Du bist der Fluch (You are the curse)
Du bist das Omen (You are the omen)
Gaara's eyes blinked open. He wasn't where he expected to be… in fact he wasn't even when he was supposed to be. Not trying to figure out the logistics of it all, Gaara tried to get up from the bed he was apparently lying on. He realized two things when he sat up, he wasn't who he was now, and he knew where he was. This day was burned into his mind, etched into his very memory, a day that he could never forget. Suddenly he didn't want to get up. He wanted to lie back down, he wanted to wake up. Anything would be better than reliving this day. Unfortunately, Gaara's body had a mind of its own and was getting up.
No! Gaara screamed in his mind. Anything but this! Don't make me relive this! Don't do this to me!
His cries went unheard and his small, six year old body moved of its own accord. He knew what would happen, he could never forget. He would get up; he would go downstairs and eat breakfast, a small hitch in his step and the tiniest of smiles on his face. Everything would seem right with the world for a while. The world was a happy place for once, and little Gaara wouldn't be able to keep his happiness from shinning through. Today was the day, today was the day his uncle, the one person who cared about him, would visit.
Temari and Kankuro were nice to him; his father was nowhere to be seen. It was a beautiful Sunday and it would only get better… that was what he had thought at least.
Yashamaru… his uncle on his mother's side. A mother he had never known, never seen and never loved. It was imprinted in his mind from the moment that he was born that he would not be loved. He had been pushed aside, put in an incubator as the family crowded around his mother's bed as she lay dieing. As she had died, she had said something, something little six year old Gaara didn't know as of yet. All Gaara knew was that he was not wanted anymore the second his mother died. He was not loved the moment she breathed her last breath. His life had just begun and already he was hated.
But none of that mattered today. Today was the day he was acknowledged. Today was the day the one person that cared about him would visit. Gaara looked forward to Yashamaru's visits with an almost fanatical glee. Visits from his uncle made him feel human; they made him feel as if he wasn't some cursed demon child born from Satan. They made him feel alive.
So little six year old Gaara trapezed down the stairs, blissfully unaware of the tragedy that would befall him, while the Gaara of the future, the Gaara who had lived through this, tried desperately to get away.
Gaara was tugged down the stairs, unable to break away, unable to escape. He had to live through it once more, something he never wanted to deal with ever again. His body sat at the table, smiling quietly as he picked at the food set before him, too excited to eat. He jumped around the house while waiting for Yashamaru to come. He was pleased to notice that Temari and Kankuro actually looked happy for him. And then the doorbell rang.
Gaara froze in place and for a moment he thought he had grabbed hold of his six year old body, before he ran to the door. Gaara couldn't think, he couldn't speak, he couldn't even struggle as the door was hastily shoved open and there before him was Yashamaru. Yashamaru…
"Yashamaru!" little Gaara cried out, so happy that his uncle was there that even the Gaara of the future almost felt it. Yashamaru smiled at him in that soft way of his.
"Hello Gaara-sama," he said. Little Gaara grinned and jumped into Yashamaru's waiting arms. Gaara screamed in his head.
No! Get away! Leave me alone! Don't touch me!
(You are my sanctuary)
Little Gaara cried he was so happy. Yashamaru was his light in the darkness of the world he lived in. Yashamaru shed light on the dark places in his heart, scaring away the demons that lived there, keeping him firmly sane. He was the only one who would bring a smile to his face. The light in his world.
(You are the light in my room)
Yashamaru entered the house with Gaara still in his arms, spinning him around once there was room. Little Gaara laughed with all his heart. Gaara's heart wrenched. It hurt him to see, to feel how happy he had been to see Yashamaru. Yashamaru set little Gaara on the ground and Gaara could almost see how the room felt different. The sun seemed to shine brighter, the shadows were smaller, and everything was perfect. There was nothing wrong with the world.
(You are the life)
Little Gaara had run over to the closet to grab some board games and cards as Yashamaru had gone to the living room, greeting Temari and Kankuro as he did. Gaara watched, seemingly detached from his six year old body, as he grabbed Life, Monopoly, and a regular deck of cards, after thinking about it for a moment, little Gaara also grabbed Uno. Rushing to the living room, where he knew they'd all be waiting, Gaara arrived hardly a minute after Yashamaru had set him on the ground.
Minutes turned to hours and Gaara felt his heart break every time Yashamaru smiled, at every kind word. If he could, he knew he'd be crying, huddled in on himself in the fetal position just wishing the whole world away. He didn't want to live through this again. Hadn't once been punishment enough?
Finally the hour arrived. Little Gaara had looked up at the clock, and Gaara was loathe to notice that it was 5pm. He heard the front door open. He watched with a detached horror as his father walked into the living room. His father motioned for Yashamaru to follow him into the kitchen. Temari and Kankuro turned to face little Gaara.
"So Gaara, are you happy?" Temari asked a kind smile on her face. Gaara nodded exuberantly. "I'm glad."
"Yeah squirt," Kankuro added, messing up Gaara's hair (though you can't really mess his hair up). Gaara laughed, one of the only times he had done so around his siblings. They looked taken aback for a moment, but quickly joined in. Gaara felt his pain cut through his heart like a knife. It hurt so much. It was unbearable, this pain.
Yashamaru once again entered the room, looking for a moment just as scared as Gaara suddenly felt, even though little Gaara was feeling ten times as happy as he had before. Gaara's father entered after Yashamaru and Gaara felt some of the happiness drain from his younger self.
"Temari, Kankuro," Gaara's father said. Both instantly came to attention, listening intently to what their father had to say. "We're going out to a show tonight. Yashamaru is going to stay here."
Gaara didn't even flinch when his own father didn't even acknowledge him, it was something he was used to, even little Gaara was used to it. Little Gaara seemed to realize what had just been said, and turned to grin widely at Yashamaru, who could barely manage to turn his lips up in return.
Gaara waved goodbye to his brother and sister as they left before turning and closing the door. He was so excited to spend the night with Yashamaru. He skipped into the kitchen and together with his uncle, made dinner.
Time passed as quickly as Gaara could comprehend. One moment passed in the blink of an eye and suddenly it was 7pm. Gaara was sitting in front of the television, happily watching some mind numbing program on who knows what. Wondering where Yashamaru had gone, little Gaara got up from the couch. Gaara snapped out of his haze of trying to ignore what was going on. Little Gaara had just gotten to the kitchen and had noticed Yashamaru sitting at the table.
No! Get away from him! Run away! Gaara shouted, desperately trying to make little Gaara leave, anything to get away from this moment, this betrayal.
"Yashamaru?" little Gaara asked tentatively. Yashamaru turned his head slowly, his eyes as blank as his face. Little Gaara started to feel scared. Gaara watched in horror as Yashamaru stood, butcher's knife in hand, and came to stand in front of little Gaara. He crouched down before his nephew and placed his hands on both his shoulders.
"Demon," he whispered. Little Gaara's eyes grew wide as saucers. Yashamaru pulled back, withdrawing his hands from Gaara's shoulders.
"Demon," he repeated a little more firmly, bringing the arm up that held the knife. Little Gaara backed up, tripping over his own feet and falling onto his backside.
"Demon," Yashamaru growled. "Murderer."
Little Gaara backed up, scooting away from his uncle, sure that the man had gone insane. Yashamaru looked at him for the first time, really looked at him, and Gaara saw the eyes of a mad man. Little Gaara managed to scramble to his feet and rushed out of the kitchen, Yashamaru trailing closely behind him.
"Yashamaru!" little Gaara cried. He had somehow backed himself into a wall. Yashamaru hovered over him, sadistic grin in place. The knife was raised up and it suddenly dawned on little Gaara that his uncle was going to kill him.
(You are the curse)
"Die!" Yashamaru shouted, bringing the butcher's knife down, intending on burying it in Gaara's shoulder.
"NOO!" Gaara shouted, and suddenly it was his voice, it was his body lying helpless for Yashamaru to slice. Gaara pushed himself to the side, as he did back then, the knife only grazing his left arm. Gaara cried out, but got to his feet, ignoring the pain in his shoulder and scrambling towards the door. If he could get out, he could get away… but he knew that Yashamaru was following him, he knew that he would catch up to him. Gaara could feel the hot tears running down his face. The knife buried itself into his back, but not deep enough to kill him. Gaara screamed. The Pain! The Pain!
"You little demon! You killed her! You killed my sister!" Yashamaru yelled. Gaara cried and pulled himself towards the door, tears blinding him as he made his way.
"She never loved you! She carried you, she gave you life! And how do you repay her! You kill her!" Yashamaru went on barely noticing as Gaara managed to get the door open and fell out onto the patio. He stalked behind his nephew as Gaara pulled himself down the driveway, leaving a trail of blood as he went.
"Do you know what she said as she lay dying?" Gaara started to sob as he reached the sidewalk. "She said that your name was Gaara. "He who loves only himself." She cursed your name. She cursed you!"
Gaara barely made it to the street. He couldn't take it. It hurt so much, and the words were just as painful as the knife that had been stabbed into his back. He sobbed and curled into a ball, trying desperately to ignore the hateful words being spit at him.
"You are a child whom no one loves! You are a demon!" Yashamaru cried grabbing the knife from Gaara's back. Gaara screamed again, fresh blood pouring from the wound and Gaara knew he couldn't last long at the rate he was losing blood. Yashamaru laughed.
(You are the omen)
"I never loved you! How could I love the thing that killed my most precious sister!" he yelled and crossed so that he was standing in the road as well. Gaara knew that this was the end for him. "I hate you!"
The headlights were the only warning Gaara got before Yashamaru was crushed. Gaara watched in horrified silence as the pickup truck rammed into his uncle, sending him flying. The truck couldn't stop and there was a sickening thump as the front tires ran over his body. Gaara screamed.
Sasuke could hear screaming. He was sitting outside of Gaara's hospital room, hopelessly worried about the red haired boy. The doctor had said that he wasn't in critical condition, but that he was still far from stable. The screams had startled him out of his zoned out state. Naruto was soundly asleep next to him, being exhausted from all the stress that had been thrust upon him from the situation with Gaara. When Sasuke heard a scream again, he distinctly heard that it was Gaara's voice. Jumping from his chair, Sasuke rushed into the other boy's room. Gaara was thrashing on the bed, crying and screaming. Sasuke dashed to his side.
"Gaara!" he cried. Taking the red head's hands in his own, he kept the other boy from tearing at the bandages that covered his whole body. Gaara continued to thrash and struggle, so Sasuke did the only thing he could think of, he pulled the boy into an embrace. The struggling stopped and soon all Sasuke could hear was uneven breathing. Pulling back slightly, Sasuke stared in astonishment as tears ran down the scarred face. Sasuke couldn't let him go now; there was no way he could.
A bright light surrounded Gaara, embracing him in an all encompassing gentleness unlike any Gaara had known. That night faded away, the wounds on his body, the form of his uncle, the horrid words ringing in his head, all of it faded away in the bright light.
So this is what its like to be loved...
