Catherine was laying in bed, flipping through the pages of a magazine when she heard the faint sound of pebbles hitting her window. Unsure that she heard correctly, she leaned over to turn down the volume of her stereo. Sure enough, there it was again. Bouncing straight out of bed, with a smile a plastered to her face, Catherine pulled up the blinds and opened the window. Her smile didn't exactly fall, but her eyes grew incredibly wide when she saw who it was standing on the sidewalk below.
"The hell ye doin' here, Jimmy?" Her whisper was harsh and demanding.
Considering her bedroom window faced the front of the house, Catherine prayed Patrick had gone to bed and wasn't in the living room watching television. She hadn't brought herself to tell her father that amends had been with Jimmy, as Patrick seemed rather happy having her around the house more over the last couple weeks.
"C'mon an' let me in, yeah? It's fuckin' baltic."
Quietly as possible, Catherine raced down the stairs to let Jimmy in. As soon as she pulled the door open, Jimmy grabbed her by the hip to pull her in for a kiss. It felt her breathless and dizzy by the time he pulled away. Grabbing his hand, Catherine placed her index finger to her lips signaling him to be quiet before leading up the stairs. In the dim hallway, Jimmy could see the glow of a television from the crack of Patrick and Olivia's bedroom door, and the deep voices of Liam and Brien echoed as they played video games in their shared room. Pushing him into hers, Catherine quickly closed and locked the door.
This was only the second time Jimmy had been in her bedroom. As he took off his coat and hung it on one of the hooks holding her collection of hooded sweatshirts, he looked around. The walls were painted a deep, dusty rose and littered with posters of The Cranberries, Green Day, and Rammstein. He chuckled at the at Take That posters around the perimeter of the window. On the opposite side of the room, her unmade bed was pushed against the wall. Thumbtacked proudly above her bed was the Irish tricolor. It was a healthy mix of femininity, rock'n'roll, and Irish republicanism—a perfect representation of her true self.
"Ya never answered me question," Catherine lowly asked. She turned up the volume on Dolores O'Riordan's voice to drown out her brothers next door.
Jimmy cleared his throat waved the two wrapped packages he was holding. That certainly caught her attention. "Never had a chance 'ta give ya yer Christmas gifts."
A mischievous smile graced Catherine's face as she accepted the gifts and sat down in the middle of her bed. She gleefully tore the paper off a slim rectangular box. The ball of paper sitting in-between her legs, Catherine opened the velvet box and her jaw instantly dropped. Inside was the most exquisite diamond tennis bracelet she had ever seen. She had no idea Jimmy had dropped several thousand pounds on it, making it the single most expensive piece of jewelry she did or would ever own. To Jimmy, it was worth every cent.
"Jesus, Jimmy," Catherine was afraid to take it out of the box, not wanting anything to happen to it. "This is…it's beautiful. But, I can't accept this."
When she tried fighting him on it, that didn't come as a single surprise to Jimmy. Almost humble to a fault, Catherine never saw herself deserving anything shiny and new. Jimmy had the complete opposite mindset—everything he did was driven by his need to have bigger and better. His lower-class background did little to chasten his expensive tastes.
"Aye, ya can. It's a big year for ya, and I figured ye'd wear it on graduation."
In six short months, she would be graduating from St. Dominic's. What still remained uncertain about her future, however, was whether or not she would move forth with her acceptance to the law school at Queen's University. Catherine always imagined she would use her intellect to make a difference in Northern Ireland. But, the older she got, Armalites and petrol bombs were more attractive than an LLB in Law and Politics. While he had been genuinely happy for her when news of her acceptance spread throughout the Lower Falls and Short Strand, Jimmy's main focus now was steering her away from the university. The accomplishment he was proudest of was her induction into the IRA and that's what he wanted her focus to be on.
"Yer honestly too good 'ta me," she took the second and final gift he had for her.
Jimmy just shrugged; he wasn't going to say it out loud that he knew he was too good to her. Never had he dropped that kind of coin on Fiona or Kerrianne.
"This one's more for business and not pleasure," Jimmy warned.
Catherine opened the box and shook the Nokia 5110 cellphone into her lap. "I'm assumin' there are strings attracted."
The brand-new cellphone may have been given to her only for vocational purposes, but that did little to curb her excitement about finally having one.
"There is," Jimmy turned it on for her. "Don't store any numbers, so ye'll have to keep relying on memorizin 'em. Ya answer every damn time it rings when yer not at school, and every time ye get a call, send a text, or get a text, delete it right away. Jus' keep it clean."
Easy enough, Catherine thought. "I can manage that."
She was preoccupied fiddling around with her new toy and protested when Jimmy snatched it from her hands. Placing in on her nightstand, he pushed her down before rolling his body over hers. The little squeal that escaped her in the process was the most adorable thing Jimmy had ever heard, and he wondered how a bastard like him managed to get a girl like her to love him.
Supporting himself on his knees and one forearm, he tucked wavy strands of hair behind her pierced ear. In the last five days since their relationship tore down the path of copulation, they had found time to fool around for three of them. The sneaking around was already starting to get old for Jimmy but it was nothing new for Catherine. He was counting down the days until she graduated from school and he could get her into her own flat. Listening to Brien and Liam hurl insults at one another through the thin walls wasn't exactly doing much for Jimmy below the belt.
Diving his tongue into the depth of Catherine's mouth, Jimmy reached over and turned the music up when the racket of the boy's thunderous quarrel traveled into the small bedroom. Catherine melted into the kiss, her fingers instantly traveling to the nape of his neck where they weaved into deep brunette locks. The hand he wasn't using to support himself snaked under her loose-fitting tank top, coming to a stop only when it reached her breast. A thick moan came from Catherine when he pinched and twisted the round, swollen nipple. He could feel her start to tug at his shirt, untucking it from the waistband of his trousers. Before Catherine had the chance to get it all the way free, the familiar sound of pebbles being pelted at the window interrupted them.
He broke the kiss, severely disgruntled, and she saw the temper shift in his eyes. "Ye expectin' anyone?"
"It has 'ta be Lorcan."
Fucking wonderful, Jimmy thought.
The boyfriend showing up was exactly what he needed just before plowing Catherine. Nudging him off her, Jimmy didn't say a word as he watched her go to the window. There was no missing the smile she tried to hide by biting her lower lip when she pulled the blinds up. She held up one finger to whomever it was standing outside before tossing on a sweatshirt. Telling Jimmy, she'd be right back, Catherine dashed down the steps without a second glance back.
Hopping off the bed, Jimmy casually strode to her dresser and pulled open the bottom drawer. It was a lucky guess but he found exactly what he was looking for. Pulling a cigarette from the pack, he lit up and went to the window. He found an empty pop can to flick his ash into as he lifted one of the slats on the blinds. Sure enough, there was Lorcan McInnes standing on the sidewalk. Taking a long drag, Jimmy held the smoke in longer than usual when Catherine finally made it outside. He knew it was wrong to allow the vines of envy to dig their roots into his heart as she enthusiastically jumped into Lorcan's arms. Jimmy bit the inside of his lip so hard he could taste the sharp metallic blood when Lorcan kissed her, and Catherine threaded her fingers into his black hair. Just as she had done with Jimmy not even minutes before.
He wasn't sure exactly what Catherine said to Lorcan, but after one last kiss she headed back inside and Jimmy extinguished the cigarette.
She was all smiles when she bounced back into her bedroom. That wasn't exactly how he wanted her to behave after being with another male.
"So, that's still goin' on, huh?"
Jimmy was sitting horizontally across her bed, his back resting on the wall. The question came out of left field for her, so all Catherine could do was snort in response. She wasn't going to dignify him with a response; he knew well enough that she was still very much involved with Lorcan. For the last two years, she's had both Jimmy and Patrick breathing down her neck over her relationship with the McInnes boy. Patrick worried Lorcan was a distraction to her academics, and Jimmy worried he was a distraction to her training. Watching Lorcan put his hand up Catherine's skirt and his tongue down her throat didn't him any points with Jimmy either.
Catherine didn't break eye contact with Jimmy as she strutted over to the bed. Crawling up, she straddled him.
"Why do ya care? Jealous?"
Now, it was Jimmy's turn to snort. "Yeah, I'm jealous of an eighteen-year-old."
A chill was sent down his spine as Catherine began to undo the buttons of his shirt. Her hands felt like heaven against his bare skin.
"Is that so?" she raised an eyebrow. "Ya never have anythin' nice 'ta say about 'im."
"Because he's a punk."
Catherine couldn't believe that Jimmy O didn't see the irony in him calling Lorcan a punk.
Pot, meet kettle, was what she wanted to say to Jimmy, but she decided to keep it civil. Peeling her tank top off, she tossed it behind her. Getting the hint, Jimmy grabbed Catherine by the sides and tossed her to her back, ready and willing to make her forget Lorcan's existence.
New Year's Eve at Jimmy and Fiona's had been the tradition for the last four years. As typical, the atmosphere was joyous and festive. The packed house in East Belfast echoed with chatter and laughter. The food and alcohol were bottomless as the music was pumping.
Catherine and Brien were glued to the hip, per usual, as they snuck nips of scotch from the flask Brien had hidden in his pocket. Although they were both now of legal age to consume alcohol, Olivia had limited their consumption to only champagne. The O'Toole siblings were determined to party a little harder.
Standing in the archway between the kitchen and living room, Jimmy leaned his shoulder against the wall. Sipping Johnnie Walker neat, he politely engaged in conversation with several men under his command. He tried as best he could to remain invested in the topic at hand, but that was turning into a tested chore with her perfume wafting through the air. Though he couldn't see her, the notes of her infectious laugh brought a smile to his face. Jimmy hid that smile by bringing his tumbler to his mouth, not wanting to look like a blushing half-wit.
He couldn't shake how remarkably beautiful she looked, either. In a white long-sleeved turtleneck, tucked into a black skater-skirt that fell mid-length. Seeing Catherine in a skirt and opaque black tights were nothing new to him. It was the three-inch t-strap pumps which completed the outfit, that punched Jimmy in the groin. She was also wearing the diamond bracelet he had given to her the day prior.
With their relationship still in its infancy and not a single person around them knowing that happened, Jimmy and Catherine decided it was best to keep their distance from one another. The inability to each other only meant the tension was building and Catherine could feel her panties grow damp every time his smoky voice rang her ears.
Jimmy looked at his watch, and when he realized it was forty-minutes to midnight excused himself from the less than stimulating conversation.
Catherine sat beside Fiona on the sofa as they drank bubbly and discussed the young woman's future plans. They both turned their attention to Jimmy as he nonchalantly approached the IRA Chief of Staff, Brendan Callaghan.
"I told 'im no business tonight." Fiona irritatingly sighed.
Catherine only offered Fiona a half-smile in sympathy while wondering what in the hell they could have to discuss on a holiday evening. There had been a few times where Jimmy had Catherine sit in on his conversations with Brendan and she would be lying if she said she wasn't insulted by his snub. Ignoring the disenchantment, Catherine turned back to her conversation with Fiona.
Not long after Jimmy headed upstairs to his office with Brendan, Patrick plucked the glass of champagne from Catherine's hand.
He placed it on the side table and offered his hand to Catherine. "Sorry 'ta intrude ladies, but Catherine, yer presence has been requested elsewhere."
Confused, Catherine stood up and smoothed out her skirt. She tried pulling answers out of Patrick but all he did was divert the conversation and nudge her to follow Liam.
Olivia held her wine glass against her chest. Standing behind the sofa, she watched Patrick, Catherine, and Liam head up the stairs. "What's that all about?"
"No idea,"
"Ya don't think…" Olivia looked down at Fiona, who was playing with the pendant on her necklace. "Has Jimmy said anythin'?"
Fiona only shook her head. When Olivia saw Brien had been left out of the pow-wow, she instantly knew that it was, in fact, Army business being discussed. Her worst nightmare was about to become a reality.
Upstairs, the O'Toole clan found Jimmy sitting on his desk, scotch and black beret in hand. Brendan Callaghan stood beside Jimmy, his arms crossed over his chest. As four pairs of eyes fell onto her, Catherine couldn't help but feel as though she had walked into an inquisition.
Patrick placed his strong hands on Catherine's shoulder. Joining the IRA was never a path he had foreseen for her. Catherine was his pride and joy, and he had spent that decade in Long Kesh to make sure she would one day live in a unified Ireland. Though she possessed a good head on her shoulders and a decent moral compass—that definitely didn't come from Patrick—there was absolutely no way he would stand in her way if the ranks of the True Army was where she wanted to be.
For the reassurance, Patrick asked Catherine, "yer sure this is what ya want? Not Cumann na mBann."
In that question, Catherine realized what was going on. After a long year and a half of bitch work and never-ending target practice, she was finally getting her beret and Easter Lily pin. Slighting twisting her neck, Catherine stoically looked at Jimmy, almost as if she needed his reassurance. His stone expression matched hers as he gave Catherine a small nod.
"Aye, Da. It's what I want."
Patrick wrapped his arms around Catherine and hugged her tight. Watching another one of his children dedicate their lives to fighting the cause was bittersweet for him. The hope he was holding on to was the fact she had been trained far better than he or Liam and would be able to avoid most trouble. Catherine hugged Patrick back just as tight, deep down elated that he was actually in Belfast in witness her formal induction.
Letting her go, Patrick sniffed hard and elbowed Catherine towards Jimmy and Brendan. Being at a higher rank, it was Brendan who would swear Catherine in. As her commanding officer, Jimmy would pin her.
She could barely contain her relief and excitement as Brendan instructed her to stand before him. It all sank in for her as he spoke, reminding her of what she was getting in to; the paramilitary life wasn't easy and at some point, she would be arrested. What mattered was that she kept her loyalty. The loyalty that had already been tested.
The only thing Catherine was focused on was getting it out of the way so she could get to work first thing Monday. She had been forced to wait long enough and her day had finally come. Everything leading up to the moment when she raised her right hand, was worth it to Catherine. Every scar, every burn; they were only part of her journey and she would wear them with the utmost distinction.
Patrick and Liam glinted with pride. Jimmy clenched her beret tightly in his hands, remaining more reserved. Getting Catherine to this point had taken Jimmy eight long years; it almost cost a man his life and it destroyed a family. However, the past ceased to matter to him as once again he had gotten exactly what he sought after. It was the most surreal feeling in the world for everyone in that room as Catherine held up her hand, reciting the declaration of allegiance.
"I, Catherine O'Toole, promise 'ta promote the objectives of the Irish Republican Army 'ta the best of me knowledge and ability, an' obey any an' all orders issued 'ta me by a superior officer."
