In his forty-one years of life, Jimmy found he could tell a lot by an Irish woman's hands. Currently, as Catherine's were placed around his neck, he could sense she was angry.
Slowly blinking his eyes, Jimmy was afraid to take them off of her because there was no telling what she would do next. He quickly glanced around, making sure there was nothing in arms reach that she could snatch and hit him with. In an attempt to free himself from the hold Catherine had him in, Jimmy wanted to kick his own ass for pushing her to take Krav Maga classes. He had officially succeeded in turning her into a weapon, and the day where she used it against him had finally come.
She managed to out-smart his venture to put her into a headlock, and he ended up pinned against the kitchen wall with her forearm roughly shoved against his throat. Her knee jabbed into his groin.
"Ya tell me the fuckin' truth, Jimmy." She demanded.
Jimmy could only cough deeply from his sudden decrease of air and fought the wave of nausea. His eyes fluttered from the dizziness that accompanied Catherine thrusting her knee further up. She had his right wrist pinned to prevent him from reaching for the switchblade she knew he kept in his pocket. The fingers of his left hand had tangled into her hair at the roots, and he pulled just enough to cause tiny beads of tears to collect along her water line.
"Aye," he spat, "I did it 'ta Filip. I carved his fuckin' face, but I did it for ye."
Hearing his words, Catherine's face softened, but her stronghold didn't. At this point, she was afraid to let him go. She wasn't sure who the man staring back at her was.
After her meeting with Jax, Clay, and Chibs just hours prior, she disobeyed Jimmy by accepting Chibs' invitation for a few pints. Deep into her third Guinness and fourth shot of Jameson, Pandora's box opened when she curiously asked Chibs where his facial scars had come from. She never remembered him having them in Belfast. Chibs didn't hold anything back from his niece, she deserved to hear the truth about the man she was romantically involved with. Partly too, because Chibs feared for the day when Jimmy would inevitably do the same to her.
"Yer a fuckin' liar. Ya did it 'ta get closer 'ta Fiona, that's what Filip said. I was an eejit 'ta think ye'd ever love me…ya won't even say it 'ta me."
Jimmy rapidly realized there were two issues that needed to be addressed, but the reason why she had him pinned to the wall took precedence.
The sight of Catherine with tears streaming down her blotchy cheeks made Jimmy forget about the pain in his groin and stomach. He wanted another chance to beat the life out of Chibs as this was his fault. If he hadn't opened his mouth, Catherine would have continued to live in the blissful ignorance Patrick, Olivia, and Fiona agreed to keep the O'Toole children in.
"Ya destroyed me family. Filip left because of ye!" she rasped.
"I did me best to keep everythin' together fer ye, and yer brother's when yer da was in Long Kesh, and I kept Fiona an' Kerrianne off the streets when Filip left. T'was Filip who destroyed yer family when he grassed on yer da."
Hearing that her uncle ratted on her father was enough of a revelation for Catherine to place her foot on the floor. She still kept her grip tight on his wrist. He loosened his fingers in her hair.
"Yer lyin'. He would never do that—"
"Why would I lie ta ye about that, Catherine?" He interjected.
"Ye remember that early morn, don't ya? He's the reason ya didn't see yer da fer four years an' he's the reason ye've got this scar." Jimmy removed his hand from her hair so he could run his thumb over the scar that ran from her forehead, deep into her scalp. "How else would the Brits have known yer da was back in Belfast? Filip was the only one privy ta the fact Paddy went home that night."
She didn't want to believe her uncle was capable of such disloyalty, and she didn't want to believe Jimmy was capable of such violence. She wished she could close her eyes and be in another lifetime when she opened them. As Catherine tried to process what Jimmy had told her, she hated herself for taking what he was saying at face value. Unfortunately for Chibs, he had too many cards stacked against him for his word to be taken over Jimmy's. The pieces fell into place as she thought back to that muggy August morning. She hadn't even known Patrick was home until he was resisting his arrest in the hallway.
"What do ya mean ya did it fer me? What did I have 'ta do wit' any of it?"
Much to Jimmy's delight, but her own stupidity, Catherine uncurled her fingers from his wrist.
"When McKeavey told me t'was Filip who was the tout, all I kept imagin' was ye sittin' at the table wit Fiona holdin' that towel 'ta yer head, blood pourin' down yer face. I lost me fuckin' mind, Catherine, an' yeah, I beat Filip jus as those soldier boys beat ye. When I was wailin' on 'im, all I could think about was how ya didn't cry a single tear the entire time, even when ya were gettin' stitched up. Ya were fightin' so hard ta be strong. Wit'out thinkin' I grabbed me blade an' carved 'im up."
The way her hold against his throat relaxed told Jimmy she was soaking in his words. There truly was no reason for her not to believe him and it seemed too plausible. It also made sense to her as to why no one spoke of Chibs anymore. A man who turned supergrass was as good as dead.
Before Catherine had a chance to realize her earlier mistake, Jimmy grabbed her wrist and painfully twisted her arm behind her back. All the while, his right-hand dove into his pocket where he grabbed his blade and flicked it open. Remembering her own training, Catherine used her free arm to block the blade as best she could as Jimmy brought it down. Considering the submissive position he had her in, there wasn't much Catherine could do as the sharp blade tore through not only her blouse but skin too. It wasn't long before she could feel the hot blood begin to dampen her shirt and run down her ribcage.
Nothing pissed Jimmy off more than Catherine using her skills against him. He understood she had come back to the safe house confused and angry over Chibs' attempted Guinness therapy session, but he wouldn't tolerate her use of force. Catherine had no idea what she was going up against when she barged into the house and immediately broke out the hand-to-hand combat. His resistance to fight back was the only time Jimmy would ever let her think she had power over him and now he planned to humble her.
Letting her wrist go, Jimmy all but handed Catherine the blade to see what she would do with it. He instantly knew her mind was no longer properly focused and she was flooded with too much anger. There was no denying he was equal parts impressed and hurt by the fact she wasted no time in her endeavor to shove the blade up into his gut. However, Jimmy's skills were sharper and before Catherine could blink, he blocked her, twisting her arm away from her body so he could maneuver the knife loose. To teach her a lesson, Jimmy slashed her once more, this time deeper. Through gritted teeth, Catherine grunted from the harsh sting. She knew she was losing her edge and she wasn't sure how to regain control. He was fucking with her head and she couldn't figure out how or why.
Jimmy decided to give it one last go. Handing the knife back to her, Catherine then lunged again. Surprisingly, this go-around she put up a fight. The only sounds reverberating off the kitchen walls were their heavy breathing, grunts, and shoes squeaking on the floor as they blocked jabs and twisted each other's limbs.
Jimmy had sparred with Catherine at the gym a handful of times over the years, but this felt different for both of them. When she managed to land a rather powerful blow to his lower chest, elbow him in the nose, and knee him once more in the crotch, Jimmy concluded that she was very much attempting to hurt him. Even with the wind knocked out of him, Jimmy's own combat training quickly came back and after a short struggle, he managed to get her into a backward chock hold.
After slamming her face into the wall, Jimmy let her go before tossing her to the floor. Picking up the knife from the ground, Jimmy crawled on top of Catherine, sinking his knee into her upper abdomen before jabbing the blade against her throat. Hovering above her, Jimmy watched as drops of blood from his nose fell and landed on Catherine's cheek. Her own nose was bloodied and he could hear her hawking clots. She winced as he dug the blade in more, and could feel her skin slice once again.
No longer did Catherine care about her scarred body and took pride in whatever new ones came along. She felt as though she was collecting them as proof that she was paying for the sins she committed.
"Don't ever get angry, a chuisle." Jimmy was out of breath as he spoke. "When ye get angry, ya get foolish. When ya become foolish, that's when ye die."
"Don't go easy on me next time." She grabbed his wrist and pulled the blade away from her neck. Her breathing was labored too.
There were no hard feelings between the couple as Catherine had enough faith that Jimmy would never intentionally hurt her. At this point in their twisted relationship, an encounter like this could easily be considered foreplay. While it was the first time they had wailed on one another outside of the gym, Catherine never wanted it to happen again. Her intuition told her the next time it did happen, Jimmy would be out for blood and wouldn't stop until she no longer had a pulse.
Licking the corner of her mouth, she could taste the metallic tinge of Jimmy's blood as it dribbled down her cheek and over her lips. When she asked him if he was going to apologize for slashing her, Jimmy only snarled and bared his teeth before wrapping his hands around her neck. His thumbs pressed forcefully down on her airway. While it was something she was occasionally used to in bed, it sparked a slight panic in Catherine when he refused to let go of her.
"Seriously, Jimmy, stop!" She used her forearms to try and break his hold on her, but the more she struggled, the harder he pressed.
What Catherine didn't know was that without any physical signs, Jimmy had snapped. His heart was beating with such fury it almost exploded in his chest. Hearing her call him a liar when she confronted him about Chibs had lit a fuse Catherine had no idea was even there. That tore him up far more than her blatant disobedience.
Those hadn't been her words, they were Chibs' and Jimmy knew he had told Catherine not to believe any other versions of the story. Jimmy wanted to bash her face in for even doubting him. Out of everyone in her life, he was the only one who had ever been honest with her. If she was going to question him, he wondered if it was time to stop making her privy to any details at all.
This was the side of Jimmy that Catherine had never seen, only heard about. He set fire to the world around him but made sure not a single flame touched her. Until today. No longer were his eyes light, but they were dark and full of indignation. That was when Catherine stopped fighting as she knew this wasn't something she was going to win.
His even-tempered voice echoed loudly in the kitchen and in her head. "Ya pull that shit again outside of the gym, or see Filip anytime before we leave, I will squeeze that fuckin' neck of yers wit' razor wire. Ya understand me, Catherine?"
The lukewarm expression on Jimmy's face told her that wasn't a threat. It was a promise he would make good on.
Catherine could feel the blood pounding behind her eyes and her face was turning a deep shade a red. Her attempt to verbally answer only came in the form of a gargle as she struggled to breathe, so she viciously nodded. She wanted to tell him to go to hell, attempt some pathetic show that she wasn't intimidated nor at his mercy. Both of which she was. With hysteria pounding in her ears, she chose to stay calm and tell him whatever it was he wanted to hear so he'd let her go.
Finally releasing her, Jimmy moved off Catherine. He watched as she rolled to her side, coughing hard and deep. The whopping sound coming from her sent a chill down his spine. It was the first time he had lost control with her and he never wanted her to see that side of him again. There was no one in life he loved more than Catherine and when she didn't fight him as he moved to wrap her in his arms, he took that as a good sign.
Catherine knew she was being a fool for allowing her body to utterly melt against Jimmy's. He had managed to turn her life so upside she barely recognized it anymore, but that didn't stop her from running back to him. She meant what she said about feeling like an idiot; she loved him, but he would never love her as long as Fiona was in the picture.
Jimmy knew he had the inability to tell Catherine he loved her more than his own life, and that was something he would never dare admit. All of the jewelry and clothes, the house, were all material objects he dolefully gave her in an attempt to make up for the fact he was emotionally stunted. They only went so far and she needed to hear it from him before she went back to Lorcan. That breakup had only happened in order to humor Jimmy. He was smart enough to know Lorcan was her safety net and she wouldn't hesitate to go back to her high school boyfriend.
It was time to address the second issue of the night.
Jimmy stood up and helped Catherine into a chair at the table. He grabbed a wad of paper towel for her to hold against the one cut on her side that was still slightly bleeding. Lighting a cigarette, he pressed his lower back again the counter.
"Listen," he blew out a cloud of smoke and snapped his Zippo closed. "I know why ye've been ragin' lately, but it's somethin' I have ta do on me own. Okay?"
Catherine rolled her eyes and tossed the paper towel onto the table. "It's been four fuckin' years. If ye can't say it now, ye'll never be able 'ta."
The cigarette burned between his fingers as his hands rested on the edge of the counter. He tried to force the words out but they wouldn't dislodge from his throat. To some degree, Jimmy was hoping Catherine could read his mind and they could call it a day.
She was beyond upset that she couldn't get him to say those three words. Catherine wondered if Fiona had been right all along. Maybe she was nothing more than Jimmy's prostitute. That was definitely a role she no longer wanted to have the lead in, and right then and there, she decided she'd ask to be transferred to a different unit once they got back to Belfast. Catherine was tired of living her life as if she and Jimmy were already married, while he was just enjoying the fun.
Standing up from the table, Catherine ignored Jimmy as he called out to her. She headed down the hall to their shared bedroom where she wasted no time in shedding her bloodied top. In her pants and bra, Catherine then headed into the bathroom to wash the crusty blood and makeup from her face. She dressed in a fresh sleeveless blouse before slipping on a pair of flats and grabbing her purse.
Turning off the bedroom light, Catherine headed back into the kitchen where she found Jimmy hadn't moved an inch. She really didn't care if he was going through any emotional turmoil; she was tired of his bullshit.
"Fuck do ya think yer goin?" He asked as Catherine grabbed the spare set of keys to the SUV.
She wasn't even sure where to go but needed to put a few miles between her and Jimmy. As she walked through the kitchen and to the front door, he followed her, growing more irritated as she ignored his demands. When she opened the door, Jimmy quickly slammed it shut and Catherine turned around to face him.
"Ye fuckin' leave, an' I swear 'ta all that is holy, Catherine, I will put yer ass on a plane back ta Belfast."
That was a bluff worth risking, Catherine thought. At this point, she wanted nothing more than to be back at her parent's home in the Lower Falls. Two-and-a-half more weeks alone with Jimmy sounded like pure hell to her.
She sucked her teeth and let out a deep sigh. Twisting the doorknob, Catherine stepped out into the warm night air, peering over her shoulder to Jimmy. "Book me a window seat, yeah? Oh, an' make sure it's a flight ta Heathrow; I wanna see Lorcan before he ships out."
