With a wicked hangover, Catherine made it back to Lodi just before daybreak. At the sound of the front door clicking shut, Jimmy muted the television and crushed his half-smoked cigarette. A sense of relief washed over him when she walked into the living room, seemingly uninjured. Never in his life had Jimmy been wrecked with such anxiety, wondering where in the hell she had gone and what she had been doing for the entirety of the night.

He too was still dressed in the previous day's clothes, with his black suit pants wrinkled, and the sleeves of his cream button-up untidily cuffed to his elbows. Like Catherine, he reeked of cheap whiskey and stale deodorant.

"Ye gonna tell me where ya were?"

She wanted to throw a jab at Jimmy, say something along the lines of how he sounded exactly like her father when he would drop her off at home well past midnight. Back in the days well before she had graduated from school and well before anyone knew they were screwing. Catherine bit her tongue, deciding to take the high road, as it would only end badly for her if she continued to instigate his temper.

The truth sat bitterly on her tongue as she contemplated whether or not to tell it to him. So far, it seemed as though his threat to send her back to Belfast was nothing more than a hollow bluff, but when it came to having her neck painfully squeezed with razor wire, Catherine wasn't willing to tempt fate. Dropping her purse onto the armchair beside the sofa, she lifted her blouse and peeled back the dressing that protected her fresh sutures. At the sight of them, Jimmy ran a hand along the stubble on his jaw, having no idea he wounded her as badly as he had. Had he known, he would have had someone come to the house and take care of it under the table.

"Had some cash on me, so I got a room in Modesto after gettin' stitched up."

She wasn't interested in having any sort of conversation with him. As she spoke, she walked into the kitchen to fetch a glass of water for the pain relievers she desperately needed. With her head feeling like it was in a vice and her side sore and tender, she was looking forward to a narcotics-induced sleep. On the other hand, Jimmy wasn't quite ready to send Catherine to bed without any sort of inquisition.

"Ya didn't fill out the paperwork wit' yer real name, did ya?"

He followed her into the kitchen.

At least he was under the impression she had gone to a hospital. That would save her a lot of explaining.

Catherine swallowed a large sip of water, the coolness feeling like heaven to her depleted insides. Although his question had more than insulted her, she didn't allow him the satisfaction of a reaction on her end. If he thought she was that incapable, Catherine was going to have a little fun of her own.

In an effort to look as confused as possible, Catherine expertly furrowed her brow. That only made Jimmy nervous to hear her answer.

"Why wouldn't I? I've nothin' 'ta hide."

The pause that came from Jimmy insulted Catherine even further. Did his lack of faith in her really run that deep?

"Jesus, Mary, an' Joseph," she set her glass down on the counter and ran her hands through her dirty hair. "Of course I didn't use me real fuckin' name. Ya really do think I am a half-wit, don't ya?"

Jimmy defended himself. "Yer not an eejit, but believe it or not, I do worry about ya."

"If yer so worried about me, ya never would've done this 'ta me in the first place."

He wasn't sure if Catherine was referring to her stitches or the True Army. He stopped himself from reminding her that she had, in fact, asked for all of it when she was sixteen. Instead, Jimmy decided to take the high road like she was trying to. Even he was done the fighting.

Opening his arms to her, Jimmy waved her in for a hug. She cursed herself for having given in so easily, but the offer to be wrapped in his cozy embrace put Catherine's mind at ease. If he knew where she had been and with whom last night, he wouldn't have offered such a welcoming gesture. Wrapping her arms around his sides, she could feel him close in on her as his cheek rested on the top of her head.

Rubbing her back tenderly, Jimmy could feel her fingers tightly gripping his shirt. While his remorse was only fleeting, he truly did mean it when he mumbled an apology. The apology was only for the blade incident, not when he nearly choked her out. That right there should have been enough for Catherine to pack her own bags to head home, but she made countless excuses for him in her head. She forgave him, without a second thought as to whether or not it would ever happen again.

"Ye hungry?" Catherine asked.

Jimmy nodded and unwrapped her from his arms. "Aye, I could eat."

"Go take a shower while I make breakfast." She tied her hair up into a messy top-knot bun before heading towards the fridge to get the carton of eggs.

Considering how amazing a hot shower sounded, Jimmy didn't object to Catherine all but pushing him out of the kitchen. He wandered down the hall to their bedroom, while she whisked eggs and popped the bread into the toaster. If her brothers or dad had been there to witness her dutifully making Jimmy breakfast after how he had treated her, Catherine knew they would kick her ass, after kicking his. Hell, she wanted to kick her own ass, but she wasn't going to let her disgruntled feelings toward him get in the way.

For the first time ever, Catherine truly understood why her mom always forgave her dad and still made him his morning meal and coffee even after a brutal, drunken night. In spite of the cruelty, she couldn't forget her deep-rooted affection for Jimmy. The passion in her own relationship mirrored that of Patrick and Olivia.

Except, Jimmy didn't have a problem with the bottle, he could just be insufferable. She had no idea which was worse.

Just as she finished plating scrambled eggs and three slices of toast for Jimmy, he sat down at the table. Reaching around him, she set down the plate and a mug of coffee then kissed the top of his head. She loved how he smelt clean and of spicy cologne. While Jimmy wasted no time in digging in, she grabbed her own plate and took a seat adjacent to him.

Catherine pushed her plate to the side, suddenly not having much of an appetite. Noticing this highly unusual behavior, Jimmy set his fork down and swallowed hard. Her notorious stress-eating habit was nowhere to be found, only telling him that whatever was on her mind was internally shredding her to pieces. What Jimmy hated the most was that no matter how many times he asked, or even demanded, for her to tell him what she was thinking about, the chances of her telling him the truth was slim to none.

This time, Jimmy didn't want to spend the next week playing guessing games. Catherine willfully spoke without being asked.

"I wanna be put in the second battalion wit' me Da an' Liam. Maybe run surveillance, get outta the gun-runnin'. "

Jimmy stiffened, repeating her words to himself to make sure what he thought he heard was correct. He was having a hard time comprehending the bomb she had dropped on him out of nowhere. For nearly five years now, they had been a skillful team. He couldn't show that her desire to no longer be at his side shattered his heart. She had been his shadow for two decades now and Jimmy couldn't imagine not seeing her blue eyes, or radiant smile at least once every day.

The reality of losing her slapped him hard across the face and it was all because he was cowardly. It wasn't that he was afraid of telling her how he felt, Jimmy was afraid of what would follow his admission.

Reputation was everything to a man like Jimmy O'Phelan, and the moment those three words Catherine was desperate to hear were spoken, he would never be able to go back to Fiona. He was terrified Fiona would make good on her promise to sink his name, telling everyone in the six counties Jimmy had begun his sexual relationship with Catherine well before she was of legal age.

Catherine sat still, watching Jimmy as he ran his hands over his face, and then through his hair. Her throat ached painfully hearing the desperation in his voice.

"Please, don't do this, a chuisle."

There was no stopping her bottom lip from trembling as Catherine felt the stress of tears threatening to fall. With no warning, the dam broke and before Jimmy could react, Catherine broke down. Hot, thick tears skated down her cheeks as she used her right hand to cover her eyes. The sight was all too familiar to the afternoon he took her for the first time. Catherine was sure Jimmy thought her decision to leave his command was solely based on the fight they had the previous night.

Not wanting to seem like a spoilt brat who wasn't getting her way, Catherine felt the need to clarify. "I need a break, a change of scenery. After gettin' me bedroom window shot out, I…I need 'ta get back 'ta the Falls fer a wee bit."

He knew she was spewing bullshit. She was far more resilient and there was no way that close call would be enough to send her packing for a less hazardous posting. Jimmy snorted and fell back into his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. His voice raised several octaves.

"Yer full'a shite. Yer upset I won't tell ya what ya wanna hear so yer gonna run off—"

Catherine cut him off. Shooting up from her chair, she placed her hands flat on the table so she could lean in closer to him. The tears began to stream faster, her words were choppy, thick with agony. The eyes he loved so much were swollen and bloodshot. "This is the problem, Jimmy, ya don't listen 'ta me. Ever. Even when I was little, whenever I try 'ta tell 'ya how I feel, ye ignore it. Ye just tell me how I'm feelin' or assume wit'out even askin'. I'm nothin' more than a Provo 'ta ye… jus' one of the lads."

Ashamed, Jimmy dropped his head. Out of everyone in her life, he knew he pushed her the hardest, but that was only because he wanted to see her succeed. She was too bright to settle for a dull life. So, he realized to some extent, she was right. He never did listen to her because he didn't see how coddling her would do any good. From a young age, she had been far stronger emotionally than her brothers, that Jimmy genuinely forgot she was human and sometimes needed a shoulder to cry on. Or, someone to tell her everything would be okay.

Watching her breakdown for only the second time, Jimmy realized she wasn't upset with him over his refusal to put a label on their relationship. She was upset because she felt like he wasn't there for her the way she needed him to be. It wasn't a boyfriend that Catherine was seeking; she wanted a man. A man who understood she had needs far greater than only physical ones. She had reached the point in her life where she was ready for a man to be there consistently. Stability was what she craved most, as well as a man to take an interest in her mental and emotional well-being.

He had no idea the attempt on their lives had her thinking about moving back to West Belfast because he never once asked how she was holding up. He just assumed it was something she had moved past as he did. The only reason Catherine had gone back to Short Strand without a fight was that she knew being back there would make him happy. She had sacrificed so much of her life, and who she was, to have only slivers of him. If it hadn't been for his pushing and manipulating, Catherine never would have chosen this life for herself. The least he could do was give her the one thing she wanted most in life—him. It wouldn't be much of a sacrifice for him, considering he wanted his entire world to revolve around her.

Suddenly, Jimmy didn't care about Fiona's weak warning to keep him around.

Catherine hated the fact she had fallen so hard for another woman's man. She felt as though she had missed out on the chance to be with the love of her because he was seventeen years older than her. Thinking back to the very first night she had kissed him, she hadn't done it because he was the most handsome man in the world to her. She did it because before that, he had always been warmhearted to her. Because he was beyond smart, and funny. Because even in her drunken haze, Catherine realized he was the right smart and funny for her, where she could spend long hours with him and never once have a moment of boredom. Every time Catherine saw something amusing or riveting, her first thought was always what Jimmy would have to say about it, too.

Together, they were true and utter destruction, and somehow that made them absolutely perfect for each other. When the fire was extinguished, and the dust finally settled, they found a sense of peace within one another, that was unattainable from any other partner. Lorcan never stimulated Catherine's mind and body like Jimmy did, and Fiona could never do the same for him.

The expression of apathy on Jimmy's face defeated Catherine. Her heart shattered into a million jagged pieces. She had been trying for years to break through his final layer of armor and bring a new level of intimacy to his frozen soul. At this point, she was convinced it was impenetrable and she was done trying. Not only was she done with Jimmy, and the IRA, Catherine was done with Belfast.

Straightening up, Catherine wiped the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hands. It wasn't worth crying over something, better yet someone, that would never change.

"I love ye, so much, Jimmy. Ye know I always have, an' I always will. But, whatever it is we have goin' on between us, isn't workin' fer me anymore, an' we agreed once it stopped bein' fun fer one of us, we'd end it. So, I don't think we should see—"

Once Jimmy realized what she was about to say, he stood up with such force the chair tipped to the floor. Seeing him quickly advance towards her, Catherine's hands began to shake as she took several steps backward. With memories of the previous night still fresh, his aggressive demeanor struck the match of intimidation in her. Realizing she was only backing herself further into the kitchen, her entire body began to tremble when he finally grabbed her blotched face in his large hands.

"I fuckin' love ye, okay? Tá mé i ngrá leat."

I'm in love with you. It was everything she had ever wanted to hear.

Not wasting a second more, Jimmy crashed his lips hard onto Catherine's. His tongue pushed its way past her lips, into the inviting warmth of her mouth where she instantly tangled hers with his.

In between fickle kisses, Jimmy murmured into her mouth, "ya were never supposed ta mean this much ta me. I didn't think I'd fall so hard fer ye. But here we are, an' it hurts too fuckin' much ta let ya go."