Damn, I hate being drugged." Sam grunted and tried to roll over, but he was, once again, tied down to the cot. "Hi doc." He tried a smile, but he wasn't in the mood.
"Sam." Dr. Zithers doesn't look happy. She continues to ignore him for a while, writing notes and just being an observer.
He can't stand the silent treatment. "Why is Carly here?" His voice sounds irritated. He hadn't been all that aware of his attachment to the pixie-like girl, who had saved his life so many times in the past. Her hacker information had saved him more than one time. "She shouldn't be here."
Taking off her glasses and rubbing the bridge of her nose, the doctor keeps her anger from showing. "Doesn't she?" An orderly enters, the same gorilla from before. He has a tray of food and a glass of water. He hands her the food and she presents it to Sam, by taking the lid off of the plate and allowing the aroma to reach his nose. The orderly leaves and they are alone once more.
"Sam, I don't know what's going on in that head of yours." She holds out the tray, so he can see what's on it. Steaming mashed potatoes and chipped beef adorn the plate. "I'm going to unlock one of your hands so you can feed yourself, but I want you to promise to me that I won't be in any danger." Sam's stomach rumbles at the smell of food. "You haven't taken in enough nourishment." She sits the plate of food in her chair and unlocks his left hand, thinking it's likely the lesser of two evils. "I'm sure you don't want to be force-fed, even by me."
The food smells and tastes better than the dry sandwich he had choked down yesterday.
"You have a lot of suppressed anger and a volatile nature, that you've transformed into this alternate life at the Third Echelon." She's seated again and writing notes like always, but she seems to be distracted. "I can't keep you strapped to the bed. It's not healthy."
"This taste pretty good, for hospital food." Sam finishes his meal in military fashion and hands her the empty plate. "Can I get up? I'm sore from laying here all day. These beds aren't beds at all, but some form of torture."
"Later, you can take a shower and get some fresh clothes on." The orderly comes and takes the tray full of dishes. "James will take you to the rest room and we can talk some more, when you get back."
"Thanks."
"How do you know Carly St. John?" Dr. Zithers was back in the role of interrogator, when Sam returns from the rest room.
"She was in the NSA." He hadn't meant to say anything, but after eating he felt more open and ready to talk. "Carly has a desk job."
"What did she do there?"
The words just tumble out. "She's a computer hacker, a few years older than my own daughter." He didn't know why he was so chatty. "Lambert introduced us a few years back. She was just a kid and still in school...too young for me."
"That's interesting. Have you entertained thoughts of being her lover?" Her voice cracks and Sam wonders if maybe she's a bit jealous. "You're a fine specimen of a man, but you feel too old for Carly?"
"As young as she was, she's a great hacker and code breaker. I have a lot of respect for her abilities...to piece all the stuff I give her..."
"You find that attractive?"
"Sometimes I find myself thinking about her when I'm working. I owe her a lot. She's an asset to my job."
"Do you think you have an intimacy problem Sam? Perhaps, you associate Carly's profession as a paid companion somewhat shocking, so you've created a place for her in this other life. Did you go out on many dates before you came here? How did you really come across this Carly girl?"
"I've told you. Carly was introduced to me by Lambert at the NSA headquarters. I don't see what my dating habits have to do with being here." Sam was still free to roam the room, but the good doctor looked a little worried about him moving about like a caged lion. "I don't date. Is that a crime?"
"No, it's not a crime. I was just suggesting that maybe, because of your solitary lifestyle you created this other life as a way to escape the realities of this one." She bit hit lower lip and studied him…his posture. "Maybe you picked up Carly on the street, or saw her walk by…she looked cute…you said hi, and asked her name…"
The doctor kept track of his every move. She actually looked like a scientist studying some new drug on a chimpanzee, but Sam was no chimp. "No."
"Are we reverting to the monosyllable answers again?" He didn't answer, but she knew that she had very few minutes to work with him left. The drugs that he had consumed with his food, didn't last a full hour. "We can talk a little about Lambert then. How did you meet Lambert?"
"I was in the CIA for a while and I didn't like the bureaucracy that I had to go through just to get some toilet paper to wipe my ass with. It was like trying to get an elephant to get its fat ass off a stack of documents that you needed. He knew I wanted out."
"Lambert had connections?"
"Through my wife and other agencies…Lambert had plenty of connections. He knew I was the best and that I would get the job done." Sam sat down on the terribly uncomfortable cot.
"Sometimes I wonder if my wife told them who I was. I'm sure she did. They could have gone through any number of records and picked out a lot younger men, but they singled out me. She must have pointed them in my direction."
"You said was the best. Does that mean that you don't feel like the best now?"
"I…don't know…I mean yes. Yes I am the best at what I do." Sam looked a little apprehensive.
"Do you feel betrayed by your wife in some ways? She did give you away...sort of pushed this at you."
"Not at all. This is the best gig I could have hoped for. I love the work. It did impede on our marriage, but if I had chosen another profession…I'm guessing I would have…"
"Been consumed by it?" She clicked the pen on the front of her tooth, before she wrote it all down. "So you feel it was your fault that your marriage went bust?"
"She could have stayed. It's not like I was cheating on her." He was watching his hands fold and unfold on his lap. "I would have stayed for her."
"So your wife got you into a situation she knew would swallow up all your time together and then pushed you away even further. She betrayed you in some small matter, by getting you this dream job that ultimately ruined your marriage. It sounds to me like you've taken on quite a burden, Sam Fisher. To me it sounds like you've taken on the burden of a lot of things."
"It wasn't like that." He protested, but the words sounded weak, even to him.
"You took on the burden of raising a teenage daughter, after your wife died. That must have been tough for a man in your position. A bachelor, living alone, and now a father...I would say that was very tough. And on top of that, you had to continue working for the NSA. I would say that was extremely hard. You were thrust into the roll of being a parent to a rebellious teen and had to keep the fact that you worked in the espionage business a secret from the one's you loved." For someone trying to help him, her attitude sounded very accusing.
"I couldn't get them involved. They might get caught up in this mess." He defended himself. "I couldn't let her know because someone might try to use her knowledge against me. She was all I had left."
"Left of what? A broken marriage or a broken dream?"
"A broken heart."
