Bus Stops and Keepaway
A/N: I don't own the Greenday song in here. It's called Homecoming and it's been stuck in my head. I don't know any more words than Seamus does, so I sing them constantly…
Well, I know the words, I just don't have them memorized.
Dedication: To all who shop at the Salvo.
"I fell asleep while watching Spike TV after ten cups of coffee and you're still not here," Seamus sang. He was on a Greenday kick. That one song, Homecoming, was stuck in his head. He only knew one line, but why would he let that stop him?
"I fell asleep while watching Spike TV and I don't know the words but I don't care…"
"Seamus," Dean said as he walked up to the bus stop, "Stop singing. You sound like a dragon PMS-ing." Seamus pouted.
"Blame my parents. And how do you know what a PMS-ing dragon sounds like?"
"I don't."
"I wonder what PMS-ing actually means…about once a month, Ron complains that Hermione's being PMS-y, but every time I try to ask Hermione she hits me!"
Dean shrugged. "Wimmin. Absolute mysteries."
Seamus nodded in agreement. "So, where are Ron and Harry and Neville? They were right behind us a minute ago…"
Dean tilted his head back down the hill. "Trying to shake off Fred and George." Dean noticed the girl standing next to Seamus. She had hair streaked red, black and blond. All natural, of course. One of her eyes was green and flashed silver when she grew angry. The other was blue and flashed purple when she was in love. Both eyes flashed orange when she was in danger.
As Fred, George, Ron, Neville, and Harry came up the hill, Triccilla Vanessa Alara Mavera Genevieve Guenevire Alanna Alayna Camilla Francesca Telula Bannana Fanna Contessa Finnegan's left eye flashed purple for a brief moment before both eyes turned bright orange.
She beamed, unaware of the sudden color change.
Seamus saw movement across the street out of the corner of his eye. He turned to look at it and grinned.
Several seconds later, a moldy old half-eaten lampshade hit his cousin on the head with remarkable accuracy.
A small voice across the street, possibly belonging to a small reptile, could be heard faintly. "You missed! How could you miss! He's wide open!" There was much high-pitched chattering following this statement.
Meanwhile, the boys all laughed at the would-be Mary-Sue's misfortune.
Triccilla Vanessa Alara Mavera Genevieve Guenevire Alanna Alayna Camilla Francesca Telula Bannana Fanna Contessa Finnegan glowered and burst into tears. She tried to throw her arms about George's neck.
He sidestepped and she fell, overbalanced, in Fred's direction. Impressive, considering she had to turn five-eighths of the way around to accomplish such a coincidental feat.
Fred ducked under her outstretched arms and she stumbled, coming close to Harry.
Uncomfortably close, thought Harry. Harry Potter squirmed even more when her arms locked about his neck and she started sobbing into his favourite Chudley Cannons shirt.
"EEEEW! SHE'LL GET SNOT ALL OVER IT!" Harry screeched. He solved this problem by fainting, thereby slipping out of her grasp.
"Wow. Harry's practice at fainting voluntarily comes in handy for more than getting out of Divination tests…" Ron stood amazed and vowed to learn how.
Triccilla Vanessa Alara Mavera Genevieve Guenevire Alanna Alayna Camilla Francesca Telula Bannana Fanna Contessa Finnegan, still sobbing heartily, liverily, and spleenily, turned her voracious attention to Ron, like a zombie turns to fresh human meat.
Ron "meep"ed and hid behind Dean, who hid behind Ron, who ran to hide behind Dean, who dashed to hide behind Ron, until the two boys were fifty metres away and still moving quickly.
In the direction of some shrubbery.
They crashed into the shrubbery and fell over in an awkward heap.
Triccilla Vanessa Alara Mavera Genevieve Guenevire Alanna Alayna Camilla Francesca Telula Bannana Fanna Contessa Finnegan turned towards Neville, still sobbing hysterically.
Neville calmly and quickly circled around until his back was to the street. Using himself as bait, he carefully lead her across the empty lanes, and--
"DEATH TO THE GOODY-TWO SHOES!"A shrill scream came from a tree branch. A small raisin dropped onto Triccilla Vanessa Alara Mavera Genevieve Guenevire Alanna Alayna Camilla Francesca Telula Bannana Fanna Contessa Finnegan's head.
"Damn. Missed again! I have GOT to stop using these squirrel mercenaries..." a gecko-like voice muttered to itself.
She screamed and ran away. The scream was such in pitch, tone, and volume that every living thing in a two hundred meter radius fell to the ground.
The raisin exploded, showering her with radioactive blue tic-tacs. All latched on and began poking her unmercifully.
"THIS ISN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! THE BOYS ARE SUPPOSED TO FALL IN LOVE WITH MEEEEEEEE!" whined Triccilla Vanessa Alara Mavera Genevieve Guenevire Alanna Alayna Camilla Francesca Telula Bannana Fanna Contessa Finnegan.
"Oh, but we DO love you, my dear." said one radioactive blue tic-tac.
"Yes. We show our undying love and affection by poking you," added another.
"Wait! You're not a tic-tac! Nor are you blue!" said Triccilla Vanessa Alara Mavera Genevieve Guenevire Alanna Alayna Camilla Francesca Telula Bannana Fanna Contessa Finnegan.
"Curses, foiled again…" growled the fat gecko, leaping out of his orange Altoid costume.
"I'm ALLERGIC TO SLIMY THINGS! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" Triccilla Vanessa Alara Mavera Genevieve Guenevire Alanna Alayna Camilla Francesca Telula Bannana Fanna Contessa Finnegan ran away screaming. Again.
The screaming faded into the distance.
"Mr. Squiggles," said Neville in a steely voice. "We meet again."
The gecko glared. "For the final time, my name is Voldemort! VOLDEMORT! The Dark Lord! He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named! Tom Riddle! He-Who-Will-Not-Be-Named-Because-He-Has-Far-Too-Many-Names-Already!" the gecko shouted as he rattled off the long list of titles he had acquired.
"Mr. Squiggles, you're coming with me." With that, Neville picked Voldemort up and brought him back across the street to where the other boys were standing.
"That was…odd…" Dean said after a stunned silence.
"Yeah. She gets like that. Twists plots something cruel. Sorry. Hey, Neville!" Seamus waved. "Hurry up, the bus'll be here any minute, mate!"
Neville jogged up to them. "I found Mr. Squiggles lurking in the tree over there."
Seamus took the gecko and looked sternly at Neville. "Thanks, but his name is Mr. Snuggles, not Mr. Squiggles."
Unheeded, the gecko ranted. "MY NAME IS BLEEDING VOLDEMORT! NOT MR. DAMN SQUIGGLES OR SNUGGLES OR WHATEVER! VOLDEMORT! I AM LORD VOLDEMORT!"
The bus drove up and the boys looked at Seamus.
"A Muggle bus? We're taking a Muggle bus?" hissed Ron out of the corner of his mouth.
Seamus tossed the ex-lord into a bush. "Yeah, guys, this is the bus that goes to the Salvo."
"The…'Salvo'?" Fred repeated uncertainly.
"I thought you said we were going to the Dalmatian Army," added George.
"We won't have to join up, will we?" Ron asked. He sounded worried. Seamus laughed.
"No, no, guys, the Salvation Army is a place where people donate old clothes. The people who work at the store price them, usually between two to six dollars, and we go and try stuff on and if we like it, we buy it. It's a cheap way to get cool clothes. It's meant for poorer people, but college and high school students shop there too, because there are such sweet clothes."
Harry looked at Seamus oddly. "You alright, mate? You sound a bit American…besides, we don't have dollars, we have Sickles…"
Seamus grinned. "Ah, but this is a special Salvo-"
"AGAIN WITH THIS 'SALVO' NONSENSE!" shouted Ron. "JUST TAKE US TO THE MILITARY PLACE ALREADY!"
The bus driver snorted and spat out the window. "Look, brats, are you gonna get on the bus or not?"
Seamus dug in his pocket for the bus fare and, after a lengthy trawl through various pockets of his cargo pants, came up with the required pound forty for the seven boys. The doors shut, and they grinned at each other as the bus headed off along its route. That is, the boys grinned at each other. The doors were having a minor spat and weren't on speaking terms with one another.
Love it? Hate it? Did you laugh? Cry? Cosplay Lord Voldemort the Overweight Gecko? Review and give me feedback! Flames and syrupy, transparent flattery are equally welcome! As are actual constructive reviews!
Speaking of which, this is at a point where the story can go in two of four ways, and I want you people to tell me which ways. I've written chapter 3 for all the versions but I'm not sure which one I want to post. Should this turn out to be
-slash?
-non slash?
FOR ME TO POST THE NEXT CHAPTER: should this
-keep some vague semblance of reality?
-turn into a random pit of crossover humour? (I.e. (insert LotR character here)'s adolescent clothes were donated, (insert PotC character here)'s old shirts were donated, (insert other character from other fandom here)'s (insert random donation here)…?)
I gotta know before I write much more……….even though only two people reviewed this foolish story…. /shrug/ ah well.
Tune in next time for Voldemort's plotting! Seamus and the gang will return in chapter 4, which will be about their time on the bus, and also hopefully give enough time for people to find this, read it, and review to tell me what type of story they'd like to see….
Please review! (and put this on your favourites! While you're at it, check out my other stories! Hahaha….shameless advertising…/shuffles feet/ I'm sorry...I just had to...)
