Aight. This lovely story, darlings, only got 104 hits as of now, but it has 8 reviews, it's on 2 favs, and has 3 alerts. I love you people. So I'm going to do the neat little thing that some authors do and reply to everyone who reviewed to show my appreciation. Also, since this story got the most responses, I'm working on this first.

Forever Tom's Mannequin--I am thankful that there is someone out there who responded that they did indeed recite Greek poetry. Thank you for having a sense of humour and also For being MY FIRST REVIEW! WOOT! And I will indeed be doing the crossover, as you shall soon see…and never fear, there will be no Deamus other than for the purposes of mocking it. SEAMUS/RON! YEAH! Muahaha….

Mazazilian--Hehe. Thnx much for the review, hon. Seamus is my fav HP boy…and yes Lord Voldemort the Gecko rocks. I am giving you an entire chapter of Gecko!Lord Voldemort, enjoy/cookies/ And don't worry, no twincest…I don't want to make people squick (for this story…)…

Yabberli--Thnx much for reiterating that our Seamus does indeed kick arse…and sorry, but I may end up doing some slash…nothing too offensive cause I don't want you squicking, just some light silly stuff. But I will keep some vague semblance of reality except for the stuff for sale in the Salvo.

TearCat--Thank you, I am also very fond of old Voldie. He makes me giggle. And Seamus will be slashed with everyone I can fit in! Yay! Here is a chapter of Voldie funniness especially for you.

.FallenIchigo--Thank you for your review. Reviews about Mr. Snuggles, such as yours, caused this chapter to come into being. Thank you so much!

Nickyfox13--Yay! I am funny! (giggles) Thank you very much. I love to hear people's reactions. And you saluted. SQUEE! I feel so special! Like right out of MaC! Here is another chapter, and I shall try to add another one in about a week to keep you relatively sane.

Much thanks to everyone who was kind enough to review and put me on their favourites and alert list! I am so flattered. Thank you, thank you! (bows) Here is another chapter, fresh from the strange and terrible depths of my hard drive.


The ex-lord had managed to pull himself out of the bush just in time to see his nemeses board the bus. He muttered and cursed to himself, drawing several strange looks from random people crossing the street.

"I will have my revenge, Seamus Finnegan! I'll get you, and your little Potter too!" the gecko cackled to himself.

He stopped several minutes later, concerned by the sudden ruby slipper fetish that had overtaken him along with the odd urge to ride a bicycle with a wicket basket on the front. He would have to talk to Wormtail about the latter's obsession with these Muggle "movies". Voldemort had had his suspicions about the effect those "movies" had on one's sanity. Said suspicions increased tenfold after Wormtail had seen a "movie" called Pirates of the Caribbean and had spouted lines from it for a week straight. Even now, the parrot that was once part of Peter Pettigrew would squawk "But why is the rum gone?" and other such phrases.

Voldemort shoved these thoughts aside and concentrated on plotting Seamus' downfall.

First, he decided, he would need to get to this Army place. Then…well, he'd make something up as he went along. That had worked wonders during the whole world-domination thing, after all.

Voldemort stood on a shoe and waved for a taxi.

Ten minutes later, he gave up and got on the next bus. "TO THE SARMATIAN ARMY BARRACKS, HUMAN SCUM!" he screamed in his best Evil Overlord voice.

The bus driver spat out the window. "You want the Salvation Army."

"SAME THING!" roared the gecko.

The bus driver shrugged and closed the doors. The bus headed off. Voldemort laughed evilly.

"Siddown an shaddup. We'll be there soon."

The fat gecko meekly took a seat next to another gecko, who immediately started ranting about how no one got his name right. "It's GEC-ko, GECKO! How hard is that to say? Not very! But NOOOOO! They say GEIKO! HOW DOES GECKO SOUND LIKE GEICO?"

Voldemort was unnerved. "You do know you just spelled that word that sounds like "gecko" as "Geico" and then "geiko"…?"

The other gecko turned to him with a mad gleam in his eye.

"YOU TOO? YOU'RE IN LEAGUE WITH THEM! YAHHHHHHHHH!" The other gecko launched himself at the ex-Dark Lord, screaming incoherently.

"JE-sus! You set 'im off again!" The bus driver pulled over and tossed the raging gecko, now foaming at the mouth, out the window. "Next time, just nod and smile."

Lord Voldemort, slightly shaken, nodded meekly and sat very quietly for several more stops.

Then the doors opened and a toucan came on, speaking in a jolly imitation of an English accent.

"Jolly to meet you, old chap. Where are you from?" the toucan asked the Dark Lord, grabbing Voldemort's little paw-hand and shaking it vigorously.

"England. Bugger off, beaky." Lord Voldemort yanked his arm back and sulked in his filthy bus seat. This Muggle transport was absolutely disgusting. And that fat baby to his left was staring at him.

It looked hungry. Lord Voldemort turned back to the toucan, who was still spouting gibberish.

"I say, what larks! You shall have to pop by for some crumpets and tea and we shall watch a cricket match together! I say, where are my manners? I'm Sam. What would your name be?"

The gecko who was once a terror to the world puffed himself up with importance and proceeded to rattle off his inordinately long list of names.

"I am Lord Voldemort, the Dark Lord, Tom Marvolo Riddle, Tom Riddle Jr., He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, Lord Voldemort--"

"You already said that last one, I believe, old chap," the toucan informed him.

"Will you stop saying old chap? Who says that? You're American, for heaven's sake! That is the crappest English accent I have heard apart from Achilles in that Trojan movie! No one actually talks like that!" ranted Voldemort angrily, edging away from the toucan.

He tarted edging back toward the toucan when he remembered about the baby, who was now eyeing him with a decidedly malicious air.

The toucan just laughed and waved his wing in a vague manner. "What a jest! Now, old fellow, where are you headed?"

"I am gong to the Sarmatian Army barracks to capture and kill in fiendishly clever ways one Seamus Finnegan and his harem of boy-toys. Then possible I shall recriut these Sarmatians and use them to take over a small nation with an advanced nuclear programme, and then I shall break for tea, and then I shall figure out how to get back to my glorious old body instead of this ridiculous gecko thing. Now seriously, sod off. You're creeping me out," snapped the ex-lord.

The baby made its move.

"MY SODDING TAIL! OW, BUGGER, SHITE, AND OTHER SUCH EXPLETIVES! THAT FECKING HURT, YOU BUGGERING TITCHY GIT!" Voldemort shouted at the infant.

Several minutes and much shouting later, the former Dark Lord was tossed unceremoniously along with Sam from the bus window for disturbing the peace.

Also because the bus driver was getting annoyed with Sam's constant stream of idiocy.

"You and your freaky interspecies slash companion can walk the rest of the way, buddy!" shouted the bus driver as the bus roared off into the distance, narrowly missing a cat and the elderly lady chasing it up a tree.

Lord Voldemort grumbled. He did not want to drag this idiot along with him. He had a sudden idea.

Twenty minutes later Sam was now a mouse named Harold and with absolutely no memory of the incident.

"Thanks, Granny!" Voldemort called as he rigged up a saddle and reins for Harold. The youngest Riddle was quite put out when he realised that his reptilian body was not built for the saddle, so he ran into a conveniently located toy shop and 'liberated' a toy Barbie carriage. He burnt the horse and laughed in an evil manner, then hitched Harold up to the

Aggressively pink carriage.

He got up with the help of a passing chipmunk named Thomas, so he invited Thomas to come along. Thomas agreed.

Thomas was Scottish and between the heavy accent and the berries in his cheek pouches Voldemort couldn't understand a word he was saying. It sounded friendly enough, so he suffered Thomas to sit upon his mouse-drawn carriage with him.

"Onward!" shrieked Voldemort, and he cracked the tiny rubber band whip he had fashioned and Harold pulled the carriage onward to the Salvation Army.

Which, as it happens, was three stores down.

"That was quick," mused the former Dark Lord. He hitched Harold to a paper clip and gave him a feed bag full of acorns. "Stay here with the carriage and be prepared to make a quick escape when I come dashing gallantly out. Alternatively, be prepared to rush in if I shout out for you, as I may or may not need help with my cunning plan-in-progress," he informed Thomas.

Thomas nodded uncertainly.

Harold ate his feed bag complacently.

Voldemort tossed his violently purple Barbie cape over his shoulder and scuttled inside the Salvo, just as a bus pulled up and seven young men were thrown out the doors, laughing.

"AND STAY OUT, YE DUMBASSES!" came a shout from inside the bus as the doors slammed shut and the bus roared off, hitting the tree in which the old lady had cornered the cat.

Harold started eating the rubber band whip.