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Chapter 6
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Kurt knew something was up the second he pulled into the parking lot. Finn was opening the door but Kurt's hand shot out and grabbed his sleeve in a death grip. Finn slid back in the few inches he'd already started leaning out. Panic on Finn's face as he took in the paleness of his brother. "What? What is it?" He hadn't felt Kurt's grip like that in a long time.
Kurt slowly released his fist and smoothed the jacket sleeve out with an apologetic look on his face. "Nothing. Nothing." He shook his head. They were acting their usual way, waving and calling out and smiles. Except it seemed like an extra effort was being used today, the smiles just a tad overly bright. It was clear to see even at this distance and knew it would be uncomfortably so the closer he got. "Nothing." He added a third time for Finn's benefit, willing it to be so.
Finn was reassured and waited to see if it was ok to get out before he started to do so this time. Kurt reached for his own door handle and worked on calming his own mind. It was ok, it really was. They were his friends, even if they knew something, they'd still chosen to show up like always. They had shown up for the strange boy every day. This wouldn't change anything, he hoped.
This time when they exchanged spots, Finn reached out and wrapped Kurt into a hug but didn't lift him up or rile him up with his hair. Instead he spoke reassuringly into Kurt's ear. "You call me at any point today and I will be here as soon as the speed limit allows, got it? I've got your back, little bro."
Kurt clung onto him a little tighter, squeezed a little more before letting him go. "Got-t." They both knew Finn was including text messages too.
Finn drove off before Kurt mounted the stairs to face his friends. They hadn't swarmed him down below at least. They always waited for him to come to them. Maybe they were worried about crossing a school policy line. David had walked him out to the parking lot before, so he didn't know why they wouldn't be able to greet him in the morning.
Blaine curled himself around Kurt from behind the second he joined the group. He just held him and rested his chin on Kurt's shoulder. It wasn't quite normal behavior but similar enough. Still, Kurt spoke, knowing what to expect once the words were out. "You know." It wasn't even a question and Blaine burst into heavy tears and held Kurt tighter. If anything he wrapped around him even more and just held him as he cried.
Kurt patted his arms awkwardly, unsure how to offer comfort to his friend about his own pain and grief. Blaine cared though and he let his emotions all out. Kurt let him. Once the tears were done, Blaine sniffled but held Kurt close as if afraid he'd disappear.
Kurt opened his eyes and locked onto Nick's right in front of him. "I explain-."
"No, Kurt, no." Nick came forward and took Kurt's hands in his. "You never have to explain. We are here for you, no matter what."
He didn't know how or why. He'd only been coming for a little over 2 months. They had years together since childhood or birth in some cases. He squeezed Nick's hands back. "Thanks." He had a hard time understanding it though, to him, he was that strange new boy who sat in the corner not saying much. What could these boys have possibly found in him to like him so much? Maybe it was because he hadn't been able to talk back or sass them. He hadn't had much of a reason to nor desire but once he did or could, would they still like him? It was a strange phenomenon, having people like him, he wasn't sure he could trust it.
Yet they treated him as one of the boys. He was treated no differently than Wes or Thad or David or Nick or Jeff or Blaine or Trent or Sebastian. In fact, having the ability to sit back and not be called into the middle of a heated discussion, he'd found that they treated Sebastian and Blaine a little differently at times. They had a bit tighter of a fist when it came to them sometimes, a little more ire. Yet there was clearly friendship, trust and respect.
Something had happened in the past though where the other boys were just a touch more weary when Sebastian or Blaine came up with an idea. On the other hand, they deferred to them a lot. Wes was in charge in all things Warbler but he bent the most when Sebastian or Blaine put forth an idea, even one that he clearly wasn't impressed by.
Kurt would just have to watch for a little longer, not get wrapped up in the day to day dramas with them. If he could stay just a bit more detached, stay out of it a little longer, he could unravel the mysteries of the Dalton Elite.
Time would tell him if this was true or just a strange anomaly.
He looked around the faces gathered with them and everyone was telling him the same thing. Everyone that was, except Sebastian. He seemed annoyed at first at Blaine's actions and now he was standing separate from the rest, looking very aloof and unreachable. Kurt broke all of what he was thinking to himself and planning and moved toward the taller brunette. Blaine kept himself wrapped around Kurt and went with him.
"Hey." He greeted, reaching out for Sebastian's hand and for a second, he thought Sebastian would stalk off.
Instead, Sebastian moved forward and embraced Kurt from the front. He was sandwiched between the two guys again but Kurt didn't feel awkward. He felt cared for. He wrapped his arms around Sebastian who trembled against him but didn't cry. "Don't talk for me if it hurts." Sebastian's words sounded in his ear, only for his ear alone.
Kurt swallowed and pulled back slightly so he could take Sebastian's face into his hands. He held him there, looking at Kurt in return. "Want." He wasn't sure if he made his point clear and he removed one hand from Sebastian to point at himself. "What want." He was trying to say that he would do what he wanted when he wanted to. Sebastian snagged his hand back and put it back against his face, holding both hands there with his own.
"Ok." Sebastian breathed and offered a slight smile. "I knew that already, princess." Kurt took one hand back to flick his fingers against the side of Sebastian's head. "Not princess either?" He teased and Kurt shook his head. "Fine, I'll keep trying."
It was sweet of the guys, but it honestly had no point to do so at this school. Still, they marshaled around him and walked him to class as if they were protecting him from an outside threat. The biggest threat for Kurt at that moment was the one inside himself as his memories threatened to swamp him. That's probably another reason they all stuck with him, trying to keep him from drowning in it now that they brought it all back up again.
Except for Kurt, it was never truly gone. Every day when he struggled with speaking, he was reminded over and over again why that was. When his brother or his parents went just that extra little mile for him. When a friend at his old school texted him. Being here in the first place. It all made it worse and he squashed it all down for those around him.
He didn't know who had it worse, him, or them for having to deal with him and be patient and make accommodations. He tried as much as he could to lessen their burdens. He knew his therapist told him the best way to do so was by allowing them to help with his. They knew it was there and the fact that he kept it all away from them was hurting them more. He just couldn't share it though, he didn't know how and he had never been good at that before. It was how he'd gotten into this sorry mess to begin with.
–
Kurt was startled when Sebastian sank down onto the steps next to him while he waited for his ride out of Dalton. He turned to the tall, self-assured boy with a faint frown. He was alone and that wasn't the most surprising part. "Why ditch?" Kurt asked, his voice may have been overused today. He was just so frustrated with not being able to talk. He was forcing himself to do more now to just get it going again. He spoke against the pain and knew it would only end up biting him in the ass. Before he didn't speak because of the pain, now he spoke to spite it.
Sebastian presented him with an ice-cold smoothy. "Save your voice, songbird." This time it was Sebastian who winced and shook his head and looked a little green after he said it. "Sorry, I won't call you that again."
"Don't mind." Kurt actually wasn't offended by that one. He took the smoothy and sipped tentatively. It was good and he didn't taste any additional sugar.
"No. I'll have a different name for you, I'm still working on it." Sebastian leaned back onto the steps, resting his elbows behind him and looking out on the empty parking lot. It was hardly ever filled, only when there were events taking place or beginning or end of year activities.
Kurt nudged Sebastian with his knee when it seemed like Sebastian wasn't going to say more. He did seem content to just sit there with Kurt. That was odd, Sebastian always had so much internal energy. He didn't always let it loose, not like Blaine and some of the others did. They were almost spastic with their energy, Sebastian was a lot more precise with it but sometimes it boiled up and over too and it was usually while he was with Blaine.
Sebastian was a lot better and sitting and holding a conversation with other people. His foot would sometimes start tapping or his leg jiggling as he sat too long. Whereas Blaine was always vibrating, ready to move even when he was trying to hold an important conversation. Blaine's energy would come out in all of his actions, as his hands flew in different ways or he did a little dance as he walked and talked or stood and danced and talked.
Kurt liked to sit and he was a lot calmer but he did also have moments of a lot of fierce big energy but it was always purposefully directed. Nick and Jeff were a lot more like Blaine but had some calmer moments too, but they always seemed to be laughing at an inside joke, especially when they were together. Wes was just mostly static, short to anger sometimes, but generally alive but not hyperactive. David was measured in what he did, he had moments with more energy than others, but he sat and studied a lot and exercised so he didn't have big blow outs.
Sebastian and Blaine exercised too, and they did a lot of it, Sebastian for Lacrosse and Blaine... well he'd heard somewhere that Blaine boxed. Maybe Blaine needed to do more cardio if dance and boxing wasn't cutting it for him. He wasn't sure where Sebastian's latest pent up energy was coming from. He had seemed a bit more chill even last week.
It would be hard to know that though, looking at him now. He looked seemingly content, just sitting there beside Kurt.
Sebastian glanced at Kurt when Kurt nudged him again, with a bit of a smile and a laugh, wondering what Sebastian was up to. Sebastian's eyes looked troubled though when he finally lifted them to Kurt. Kurt sighed, knowing where this was going and he looked down at his shoes, his smoothy didn't taste as good anymore, knowing why he'd made it.
"I've hurt people." Sebastian said and it wasn't what Kurt had thought, after all. His eyes sprung back to Sebastian. "I could easily see myself going too far without thinking about it. Not like that, that was cold hearted and premeditated and thought out. Never like that, God, I hope never like that." Sebastian lifted his weight off of one arm to run that hand through his hair roughly, his fingers unsteady. "I probably would have gotten an idea into my head and acted on it without thinking about the consequences though. David has been a great resource in pulling me back from that edge. I get worried though what I'd do if he wasn't around."
"Blaine." Kurt tried and Sebastian shook his head.
"When we get going, we whip each other up to new heights. Something about David brings us back down again. Wes only makes us want to act out and Thad thinks its funny so wouldn't say no or stop us. Nick and Jeff are too easy. David keeps us in line, somehow."
Silence fell over the two of them again. Kurt didn't have the words to say, he didn't have the voice to even say the words if he had them. To try right now, would be a mistake. So he just let Sebastian say his piece.
It didn't explain why Sebastian was out here and not inside with the others working on their set for Regionals. Finally, an uneasy peach pit started to form inside his stomach as he came across the one reason Sebastian would be out here with him. He didn't want it, he didn't like it and he would never let anyone put him in that spot. He never had and he never would. He would rather be alone than to let anyone ever believe he was comfortable with it. He wasn't a victim. "Charity?" His voice came out stronger than he thought it would, perhaps because of the anger driving it forward. He started to move, to get to his feet and wait down below for his father rather than at the top of the stairs.
Sebastian's hand reached out and curled lightly over his forearm and tugged him back into a more stable sitting position. He was shaking his head. "No, not that. I wanted to be out here with you." Sebastian's hand slid down his arm, over his clothed wrist to curl around his hand, his thumb brushing the inside of Kurt's palm. Kurt calmed down instantly and nearly melted into the stairs He didn't think he'd ever experienced anything like that before. He'd felt comfort from others before, but this was different. "I wanted to spend more time with you."
"Glee." Kurt tried again, knowing this was taking Sebastian away from something he really cared about. He hadn't invited Sebastian, he was more than content to wait for his dad or Finn on his own. He was thankful for the company though. Sebastian was always welcomed company if it wasn't taking him from something else that was more important.
"It's just a practice. I can make it up later." The troubled look was slowly leaving Sebastian's eyes as they sat there together like that, with Sebastian's hand in his. Was it more comforting for Kurt or Sebastian?
Kurt was loathe to ruin it but he couldn't let this sit between them, he had to address it to the best that he could. "Sebastian." It was a really long name, Kurt realized, having to say it out loud for the first time.
"Bas." Sebastian said when he realized it too.
Kurt hadn't heard anyone call him 'Bas' before. "Bas." He echoed and Sebastian nodded, tightening his hand around Kurt's. Kurt was still looking at him expectantly.
"I don't feel much like singing." Sebastian finally answered the real question that hung between them. He looked away from Kurt's probing gaze. "How can I?"
The familiar feeling of heaviness along the lower edge of his eyes came without the accompanying sting. It came upon him so suddenly and unnoticed and he willed them not to gather further and fall over the ledge. It was enough that they formed, it would be too much to let even a single one slip right now. Nobody had ever emphasized with him so much. Others thought they got it but then went ahead and did whatever they wanted anyway.
It was easy to tell that Sebastian found he couldn't sing either, knowing what Kurt had gone through, what he'd lost. It was as if Sebastian had lost that ability too. How could he go and sing when Kurt couldn't? It was hurting Sebastian to even think about trying.
Kurt knew it was silly, if he were paralyzed, it wasn't like he'd suddenly no longer be able to walk or dance. Kurt didn't want those things for Sebastian anyway, he was just incredibly touched that someone had got it without having to go through it themselves.
He tugged the hand that was still linked with his to his chest and pulled Sebastian closer too, making him turn and look at Kurt, really see what he was saying. "Go."
Sebastian shook his head, his hair flopping around his head with the force. He didn't want to, he couldn't.
"Bas." Kurt insisted.
An uneven breath hitched in Sebastian's body and he had answering tears in his eyes. "Not today." It was too much to be asked of.
Kurt nodded and pulled Sebastian into a hug. Sebastian rested his forehead against Kurt's shoulder and wrapped his arms around the slim body. Kurt didn't feel solid and firm in his grasp though, it felt like he was hugging a twig or string, like the wrong move and it'd be gone. He tightened his arms, trying to shun that image from his thoughts.
Sebastian hadn't been lying. He'd wanted to spend more time with Kurt. He didn't know what kind of time he'd have with him in the future, it wasn't a guarantee and it made him see that so clearly. It also taught him that he almost never had this time to begin with. So many things had happened to bring him here, and he very easily could have not come for far too many reasons.
A throat cleared and both looked up to who felt comfortable interrupting them. None of the Dalton boys, except Blaine, would have. They were too concerned about how Sebastian would react. Sebastian instantly dropped his arms from around Kurt and scooted a few inches away. That looked more suspicious than anything else, but he didn't think about it while he was instinctively moving. He had breached a territory that wasn't his to roam. Nothing had been improper but to an outside onlooker, it could easily appear that way.
Usually Sebastian wouldn't worry about such a thing, but he didn't want to add to Kurt's distress. He didn't want to cause an uneasy rift between him and his boyfriend. In the future, he may pick up a challenge with the other boy, pick at those threads that were inevitably loose, hoping to unravel it. For now though, he'd respect whatever relationship they had. It was obvious Kurt liked him and found support in the giant and if he was doing that for Kurt, Sebastian wouldn't get in the way. Kurt needed as much love and support as possible.
Kurt for his part was relieved that it was Finn and not his dad. He wouldn't be able to ease Burt's concerns or explain it to him. It wasn't what it possibly looked like. He glanced over at Sebastian trying not to look at either of them in return. Well... maybe. He never really knew what Sebastian was actually thinking or feeling. He was so flippant most of the time about boys and sex. Yet he was so genuinely in-tune and there with and for Kurt. He treated Kurt like one of his boys, like one of his friends but sometimes he tossed in some undeniably shameless flirting. Some of that was tossed at other boys but Kurt hadn't felt like it was to the same intensity.
Finn held out his hand and Kurt took it, letting the tallest boy he'd ever met pull him to his feet with a small twitch of his arm. Finn was so strong and powerful without putting much effort into it and Kurt popped right up. Kurt had used to marvel at his feats and wished he was a lot more like his brother. He'd eased off on some of that though over the years, saw size and power weren't everything.
Yet if Finn had been there, had Kurt had that for himself, well things might have been different. But Kurt wouldn't have been himself and despite everything that had happened, he still liked who he was and he would never change that for anyone even if who he was changed a little outside of his control. He still knew who he was internally and what he would and wouldn't put up with. He would just go with the change and incorporate into who he was, work with it and still show the rest of him to the best of his ability.
Finn wrapped an arm around Kurt's shoulders and started to lead him off the staircase. "Wait, Finn." Kurt turned back to Sebastian and threw his arms around him once more. "Ok."
Sebastian had been startled and didn't get his arms up in time to wrap them around Kurt in return. Kurt stepped back and waved before going up to the giant and took his hand. Or it appeared that way at first because then suddenly he was darting down the stairs with a laugh. He got to the car and waved to Sebastian even as Finn caught on and started chasing him, but at a much slower pace. Not wanting to catch up and stop Kurt but playing with him and playing into what he was attempting to do. Sebastian caught a glint off the metal that was now in Kurt's palm as he unlocked and let himself into the car.
Sebastian shook his head, why did they all lock their doors? Dalton was incredibly safe and they were always in eye line of the vehicle. It made Sebastian wonder what their hometown was like and how vastly different the two worlds they came from were. Still, they now occupied the same world and his was definitely better for the intrusion.
–
Wes hadn't been entirely too pleased by Sebastian's absence at that practice, nor his lack of enthusiasm and effort at the subsequent ones. He'd already said his piece about the absence but this was just getting to be all too much. "All right, what's going on, Warbler Smythe?" He called Sebastian out in front of the entire team.
"What?" Sebastian snapped back, irritable for being put on the stand like this while he didn't even want to be there anymore. He'd followed Kurt's request to return to the fold, to do what Kurt obviously thought was so important to Sebastian. It had been, once, but now it just seemed silly, a drain on his time when it could be better spent. There were more important things to Sebastian now.
"You're not even singing!" Wes was irritable too, they should be so much further along by now. They had to be perfect for Regionals. "Your dancing is sub par and you're not even trying to match the others in stage presence. You are one of our leads, Sebastian, get it together!"
"Well, maybe I don't want to be anymore!" Sebastian returned amongst the many gasps that followed his declaration. "Maybe you should choose a new lead, because I'm obviously not good enough. Will never be good enough!"
"Maybe you should take some time and think about it." David said gently. "It's ok, we can work on the other songs and catch you up when you come back."
"No!" Wes snapped. "He's right, we'll just replace him. You're excused Mr. Smythe, we don't need you weighing the practice down."
"There's so much better talent out there and we're focusing on all the wrong voices, losing out on ones that should be highlighted and exulted and may never be heard over the din of the others crowding it out!" Sebastian volleyed. "We've silenced too many voices and I don't want to be part of it anymore!" He stormed out and Wes just stared at where Sebastian once stood.
"Well!" Wes exclaimed. "What's his problem?"
"I think I know. I'll be back." Blaine ran after his roommate. David knew too and he gestured for the rest to continue what they were doing without the two leads. Wes and Thad hadn't been part of the group who'd gone digging into Kurt's past. He shared what they'd learned now.
Wes sat back, torn to pieces at what he'd heard. "Oh my." David nodded and Thad didn't say anything but his hands were turning white as he clenched them.
–
"Sebastian!" Blaine called out, jogging to catch up to his long legged friend. He was fast. "Sebastian, come on, slow down, please!" Blaine was huffing by the time he caught up to Sebastian. Yeah, he probably needed to do more cardio.
"What do you want, Blaine?" Sebastian was irritable but he was trying not to take it out on his friend.
"We both know what this is really about."
"I didn't exactly make it a secret back there." Sebastian waved in the general direction of where they'd come.
"No... no you didn't." Blaine agreed. "But is silencing your voice the answer?"
"I don't care about it anymore." He'd started to go down in a spiral of self recrimination and revisiting all the things he'd ever done wrong in his life, the people he hurt.
"Yes you do, you used to love it, it was one of your favorite accomplishments. You're just upset right now but you'll miss it. You'll regret it at some point in your future that you just quit."
"Maybe but that's the future me's problem."
"Isn't that exactly what you've always said and now are regretting not caring about it at the time?" Blaine shot back and Sebastian hesitated. He had just been thinking about why he hadn't thought through things better in the past. Blaine had a point and he stopped and listened to his friend. "Is this what you think Kurt would want?"
Sebastian knew it wasn't, Kurt had encouraged him to sing, had wanted him to go back to practice. He thought Kurt had been encouraging him to do that more because he didn't want to be anyone's pity case. He didn't want to be taking anyone from what they wanted to do instead. He didn't think he was good enough to be chosen over something else. It was a lot to assume of a boy who'd only said a dozen words, but that was the beauty of Kurt. He didn't have to speak to be heard. He was so expressionate, he said a million things with just a look, a touch, with the words he did say. You didn't need to hear Kurt speak to know he was a vibrant character with a lot of thoughts and opinions and to hear them expressed so clearly on his face and in his body language. His words would have been something to behold with awe, Sebastian just knew it.
With a deep breath that skated through all of his cavities on the way in and then back out again, he released it. "No, I suppose not."
"What would Kurt want to be doing right now?" Blaine hadn't been blind to the longing looks Kurt had sent the choir room. It's part of the reason he and Sebastian had dragged him through those doors a few weeks ago.
"Singing and dancing." Sebastian had seen what Blaine had. He'd seen in those few seconds just how passionate Kurt had been in that video before he'd run out.
"So what should you be doing?" Blaine pushed, trying to knock Sebastian over that edge.
Except Sebastian was stubborn and he wouldn't go unless he wanted to. "I can't today Blaine, I just can't go back in there. Every time I open my mouth to sing, I hear Kurt's voice in my head. His voice was so beautiful, so unique. I'll... try to work up to it. I think I might just need some time away though."
Blaine's shoulders drooped. "It won't be the same without you."
"I know." Sebastian agreed, that cockiness coming out in spades even when he was feeling lost in other ways.
It took a couple of weeks, but Kurt caught on that Sebastian wasn't going to practice. Sebastian turned the corner and found Kurt standing in his way, arms crossed across his chest, a frown on his face and his toe tapping. Sebastian looked around, trying to see if that ire was directed at someone else.
"What did I do?" He asked, he really hadn't done anything to deserve that look from Kurt. A forced huff and Kurt grabbed his hand and dragged him into an empty classroom. "If you wanted to get me alone, all you had to do was ask. My answer will always be yes."
He was serious while at the same time trying to be funny to disarm the situation.
Kurt pushed him into a seat and stood at his knees. Sebastian's legs opened up to allow him closer proximity but Kurt didn't take it. He just put both hands on his hips and glared down at him. "Honestly, you need to tell me. I've gotten better at reading your moods and what you're trying to convey but this time, I can't read your mind."
Kurt rolled his eyes then rolled his head on his shoulders. He pointed directly at Sebastian's chest and he felt like he was being dressed down by Cooper all of a sudden. "You must sing."
Sebastian's defenses rolled into place, he didn't want to hear this from Kurt too. "No."
"You sing for us." Kurt had been slowly stringing words together more and more, but it was obvious that there was still so much more he wanted to say.
"No." Sebastian didn't get what he was saying, he thought he did but Kurt shook his head and put that finger in Sebastian's face.
"You sing for us." He gestured between the two of them and Sebastian was starting to get it. "I can't. You can."
"Are you saying you want me to sing for the both of us because I can and you can't?" It was, but Sebastian had to just make sure he understood Kurt's request correctly. It kind of ticked him off that Kurt would request this of him. He should respect his decision. Kurt obviously didn't care enough about Glee if he wouldn't join even if all he did was dance or sway in the background.
"Yes. Someone sing." Kurt nodded, his voice was losing it's intensity as it was starting to hurt again. Kurt hadn't said this much in one setting within Sebastian's hearing before.
"You're a hypocrite!" Sebastian launched at Kurt, jumping to his feet, causing Kurt to startle backward. He looked at Sebastian warily now and took another small step back. That just made Sebastian angrier, he would never hurt Kurt! Kurt should know that by now too.
"Why?" Kurt's arms started to curl around himself. He couldn't sing so he didn't get where Sebastian was coming from.
"We invited you in, you turned us down. You might not be able to sing but you can be part of us, you can be on that stage with us and have a voice through the rest of us."
"More-"
Sebastian cut him off, not wanting Kurt to waste words on this. "Blaine can be your champion. I don't have to be."
Tears sprung forth angrily from Kurt's eyes and Sebastian couldn't move, just stare as tracks formed down Kurt's cheeks. "Can't!" The word was ripped from his throat and it sounded so painful.
It broke Sebastian free of his frozen captivity and he sprung Sebastian forward and tugged Kurt into his embrace, against his chest and held him. "I'm so sorry. Please don't cry, you're just hurting yourself with the tears. I didn't mean to make you cry. Please stop."
This was why Kurt was so religious about controlling his emotions recently. His tears hurt others and they also hurt far worse than they ever had in the past. He wanted to argue with Sebastian but he wasn't being heard. Even what he could voice, was glossed over. So much for the theory that less was more. Except Sebastian seemed to be hearing him now.
"I just..." Sebastian floundered then pulled Kurt back with him to the seat he'd been occupying and pulled Kurt down with him and onto his lap. He held Kurt's face in-between his palms. "I wish we could swap places. My voice is mediocre at best, I'll never get a record deal, I won't go far in that industry. It's one of the best here but we're a small pool out of billions and when set against those in the field who want it more than me, it seems pointless to even bother. You could have gone far without even trying. Your voice alone would have catapulted you into stardom. What you would have done with it in conjuncture could have been unlimited and you'd have gone down a legend."
Kurt shook his head, his hand against his own chest. "Never... competition." It was hard to hear Sebastian say these things but he was wrong and maybe that hurt more.
Sebastian frowned, not sure he understood. Was he talking about them not being in competition? That Kurt didn't think he'd had it in him to compete? Kurt sighed and reached into his pocket for his phone. He loaded up the team he'd been part of before coming here. He'd had nearly two years of competitions that they'd been in, the last video had been their Sectionals last year. Sebastian's stomach dropped and he felt queasy in anticipation of watching these. He'd known how the last video of Kurt singing had affected him and he was worried it would just make it so much worse. He didn't feel like being dragged through shards of glass.
His unease turned to confusion as he watched video after video and there was a small frown developing which grew in the time they spent together. He hadn't noticed it at first, but anger started zinging through his veins as he noticed that Kurt was in each of those videos and you could pick his voice out against the others, but he didn't pull focus. He did his due by staying in the chorus without overpowering anyone. There were times though you were meant to hear him just a little clearer and you did, just like everyone in that Glee club had moments where they were highlighted. Yet it was always in the background as one girl took center stage and all of the solo parts. Sometimes there was a rotating cast of male voices in duets but never Kurt.
He now understood exactly what Kurt was saying. It was all the more a shame for it. There had been so many opportunities to showcase his voice, to let him shine. They'd have definitely gotten further than they had if they'd mixed it up at all. Her voice was strong and good and she put a lot of practiced passionate into it but she wasn't the best he'd ever heard. There were times she was pitchy and borderline screechy. Some of the other girls sounded better than her but weren't as powerful.
Sebastian only realized the position they'd shifted into when Kurt moved to put his phone away. Kurt's back was against his chest with his chin on Kurt's shoulder. He'd pulled Kurt onto his lap earlier, but sideways, now they were facing the same direction. He could breath Kurt in so easily this way, felt his warmth along the entire length of him. They fit together so perfectly. He hadn't even noticed their intimate position until then, just so comfortable with Kurt and his closeness. Now he was noticing and soon Kurt would too if he didn't move Kurt further down his legs or off his lap. He didn't want to but also knew that this was not exactly something he could encourage, not with that giant hanging about.
"Ok." He finally said and moved back a little, turning Kurt as he did so. He felt the loss of heat instantly. "I will go back to Glee, but only if you join me. I'll sing and you dance and bring your overall cuteness with you." Kurt made a face. "Not cute?" Sebastian thought about it. "How about your hotness? We need more attractive bodies in the group."
Kurt snorted and jumped off of Sebastian's lap. "Hot?" He questioned waving at himself and shook his head, thinking Sebastian lost it.
"Oh yes you are." Sebastian agreed but let up a little on the flirting. "Seriously though, come join the Warblers, officially." Kurt shook his head. "You want me to but you won't? What's holding you back?" A very telling movement betrayed Kurt as his hand fluttered toward his throat. Sebastian knew there was more to it than just the lack of voice, it went deeper, a lot deeper. "Take back your voice and join the Warblers." Kurt frowned in confusion over the statement. "You can't sing but you can make a statement, make that statement to everyone."
Kurt took a deep breath and held it in and Sebastian waited to see what he would do, waited to hear his answer, however he wanted to express it. Kurt looked Sebastian over in turn, weighing his thoughts and emotions and trying to determine if he could do it compared to Sebastian not going back. Slowly he released that breath. "Ok. I'll try."
Wes took some convincing but it was pretty easy as he was outnumbered by everyone in the room. His protests were about taking Sebastian back, no protest was issued about Kurt joining them.. They were all in an agreement over the plan Sebastian set forth and Wes brandished his gavel at Sebastian. He snatched it backward when Sebastian reached out to move it from his face. Wes would not give Sebastian a chance to touch or take it again. "You're on thin ice Smythe, but I accept."
