Fiona sat on the sofa, bored out of her mind. Her thoughts were focused on Kerrianne, hoping and praying that her daughter wasn't giving Maureen Ashby much trouble. With a cup of tea snuggled between her hands, she looked over to the men sitting at the kitchen table quietly playing cards. Being stashed away in a safe house had once been an exuberant time for Fiona. Now that she was the significant other to one of the True Army's senior officers, she found herself outside of the tight-knit circle Catherine had wrapped around her finger. No longer were the lads interested in drinking or playing strip poker with her. They were undoubtedly respectful and polite, afraid to say or do anything outlandish in Fiona's presence as they feared Jimmy would come down hard on them.

She missed her old life to pieces. When Olivia had gone off to Glasgow to visit with her sister, Caitlin, for the next month, Fiona had been filled with envy that left her with an irreplaceable void. While she was now a Telford in name only, Fiona appreciated the lengths in which Olivia went to, to keep her feeling as although she was still part of the family. But, she could feel herself pulling back a little more with each passing day, no longer wanting to deal with having to watch an affectionate relationship blossom even more between Jimmy and Catherine.

Too often these days, Fiona would wonder if she even had anything to be sorrowful for. Every choice she had made in life had led her to where she is today, and in a heartbeat, she would give it all up. All she dreamt about was the day she was finally reunited with her husband. The day where Kerrianne could hug her father for the first time in her life. The day she could finally leave Belfast, Catherine, and Jimmy behind.

For years after Chibs left Northern Ireland, Fiona did the best she could to keep her home stable. As she would rock a fussy Kerrianne to sleep amid the occasional jolting crack of the Armalites, hot tears streamed down her face out of dread for the future. Well aware of what people said about her behind her back when she moved in with Jimmy just weeks after Chibs dipped, she refused to bow her head in shame. At one point, her relationship with Jimmy had been working. It surprised her—and everyone else in East Belfast—how quickly Jimmy had adopted a domesticated life.

During the first three months, Fiona assumed Jimmy getting up with Kerri in the middle of the night was being done out of self-reproach. Surely, he was only trying to make himself feel better, considering the guilt of having forced his once best friend out of Belfast was beginning to wear on him. Fiona soon realized that he was genuinely trying to make it work. Cutting back on the number of operations he partook in, staying out of pub fights, and even oping to stay home on Friday and Saturday nights once meant the world to her. Now, she couldn't wait for him to leave the house, even if it were for only a few hours.

There had been passion and lots of it. They had been insatiable for one another until Catherine turned sixteen and she grew into her baby weight. She had always been a beautiful girl growing up, but it seemed like she had woken up one morning with ample breasts, and tight, voluptuous curves. Not even the British soldiers who patrolled the streets could their eyes off her shapely ass as Catherine walked by. It seemed every man in Belfast lusted after her, so Fiona really couldn't blame Jimmy when she had caught him leering at her one afternoon while she was in her school uniform. Patrick, Liam, and Brien were kept busy with chasing any male that came anywhere near her. Somehow, they had let Lorcan and Jimmy slip through the cracks.

Fiona watched bemused, as Catherine stormed into the house and immediately bolted up the stairs. That was all the confirmation she needed as to the day the gone. Taking a slow sip of her tea, she rolled her eyes as Jimmy strode in, hot on Catherine's heels. She jumped slightly, startled by the sound of—presumably—Catherine slamming a door.

Thinking she was safe inside the bathroom, Catherine turned on the shower and quickly stripped from her clothes. She was irritated and feeling sick, ready to just wash the day off and start fresh in the morning. On the way back to Dundalk, she and Jimmy had gotten into it over his treatment of Darragh. Needless to say, Catherine was none too pleased with Jimmy pretending to care about her future and whether or not she eventually made commander.

Stepping under the hot water, Catherine first washed off the three layers of makeup on her face. Just as she was about to lather up her hair, the shower curtain flung open.

"What the fuck, Jimmy?" Catherine shrieked.

Jimmy found it slightly comical when she reached for the other end of the curtain and attempted to cover her body. As if he had never seen her naked before. Ignoring her protest, he jumped right back into the conversation they were having in the car.

"Ya know, it really hurts that ye think I'd purposely try ta destroy yer life."

"That's a joke right?" Catherine furrowed her brow. "Considerin' yer not even capable of feelin' any sort of emotion."

Taking a slight offense to that, Jimmy reached into the shower and shut the water off. "Ye think I don't feel anythin? I've spent the last nineteen fuckin' years makin' all my decisions based on how I feel about ye-"

"Why can't ya jus' tell the truth fer the first time in yer bloody life? The only reason why yer puttin' me through this is because yer angry over the fact I fucked another bloke. All I can tell ya is that ya better get used ta the idea of me bein' with other men because this relationship is so over."

Catherine stepped out of the shower and Jimmy handed her the towel that was sitting on the vanity. Dealing with Catherine's mood swings and out of character behavior over the last few weeks was wearing on Jimmy's last nerve. Even he reached the point where he was ready to wash his hands clean of her and move on. Scrubbing his face with his hands, Jimmy wondered why he was even entertaining this conversation anymore.

"Yer mind hasn't been right fer the last month—yer all over the place. I did this ta maybe scare some sense into ya because I have no idea what's goin' on, an' ya refuse to slow down fer even five minutes. Nothin' will ever stop me from worryin' about ya, but yer right, we're over."

Jimmy had to accept painful reality. He had rushed their relationship, and his inpatients had ruined it all. In the attempt to tie her down, Jimmy realized he had forced Catherine to miss out on that crucial path of self-discovery. His time in the British Army had been the best years of his life, while Catherine had completely missed her opportunity to be a dumb twenty-something. It had been completely his fault. Jimmy never wanted Catherine to settle for anything in her life. If he kept smothering her, then she wouldn't have the chance to find out what it was she really wanted. After all, she was right about another thing; if they were meant to be together, something would happen to make that come true.

Wrapping one arm around the towel-clad Catherine, Jimmy held her head against his chest. He didn't care that her wet hair was soaking right through his shirt. He could hear Catherine sniffle away a few stray tears. Cupping her face in his hands, Jimmy placed an innocent kiss on her forehead. The kiss lingered for several peaceful moments, as Catherine rested her hands on his chest. Neither was necessarily ready to close the book on their romantic relationship, as the passion they felt for one another would never fizzle. But, they had grown enough apart to recognize that it was time to call it quits before the two very headstrong people inflicted any more damage to one another's life. All he ever wanted was for Catherine to find contentment and he knew she'd have no problem in that endeavor. As for Jimmy, he didn't mind falling back into his unexciting home life with Fiona and Kerrianne—at least his work never left him bored.

Gazing into Catherine's eyes, he noticed they were glazed over with uncertainty. So, he reassured her like always:

"I will always be there whenever ya need me. That will never change. Nor will how much I love ye."

Lifting up onto her tiptoes, Catherine pecked his lips. "I will always love ye, too."

"Yer gonna do great things, a chuisle, an' I can't wait ta watch ya thrive. Ya have no idea how much I'm gonna miss ya."

Catherine had an idea, as it hurt like hell to say goodbye to this aspect of their relationship. But, she knew that staying would only cause even more irreparable damage. She was ready to finally move on.


Laying in bed, Catherine kneaded the quilt between her fingers. Staring at the wall, she tried to block all thoughts from her heads, wishing her brain would turn off for just a minute.

When there was a light knock at the door, Catherine didn't bother rolling other. As much as she wanted to be alone, there was a small sliver of her that didn't want to be. Keeping herself occupied seemed like a better alternative since she wasn't going to be relaxing anytime soon. She told whoever it was to come in, holding her breath in hopes that it wasn't Fiona walking in. When she heard a male voice, she quickly sat up.

"I thought ya went back ta Belfast?"

Darragh sat on the edge of the bed, resisting the urge to cover Catherine's hand with his. "I'm headed back tomorrow…with ye."

"Thank God!" she groaned. "I swear, I'm not leavin' Belfast fer like a year. Unless it's by force."

He chuckled at her attempt of a joke, but he knew she was serious. At one point, Darragh had spent so many of his days in safe houses that he thought about just renting a flat in Dundalk to make it feel somewhat like home. He scrapped that idea, now that Catherine was back to living on the Falls, looking forward to getting a little more comfortable with the west side of the city.

"Do I wanna know how bad the ride back here wit' Jimmy was?"

She wondered if this was information she should be sharing with Darragh. A relatively private person, letting anyone into her personal life was a giant leap of trust for her. Talking about relationship issues with another man always made her feel awkward, even more so after the way Happy had dished out an unwanted serving of the cold-hold truth. Considering there were no issues between her and Jimmy anymore, as the romantic aspect of their relationship had dissolved, there was nothing for her to feel awkward about.

"Fine. No yellin', he didn't put his hands on me or anythin' like that."

Darragh nodded. There was no missing that her eyes were red and swollen, and she sounded congested. She had obviously been crying.

"Ye okay?"

"Aye. Hangin' in there."

No longer caring, Darragh slid his hand over Catherine's. He curled his fingers between the webbing of hers, hoping she wouldn't pull away. Though she didn't, he didn't necessarily get the reaction he was hoping for. Catherine had been taken by surprise with Darragh's bold move. She froze, just staring at his hand over hers.

Since the night he left her high and dry, she had always been under the impression that he wasn't interested in her. Over the course of their friendship, Catherine had convinced herself that he would never be anything more than an older brother, a confidant. She couldn't blame him for not seeing her in an adoring light, as he was best friends with Liam. So much so, that Darragh had been named Godfather to baby Erin. Assuming at some point in the past, Liam had threatened Darragh with a slow and bloody death if he so much as put a finger on her, Catherine respected Darragh even more for keeping his distance. But, that would never stop her from thinking about what kind of future they could have had.

The only reason why she figured Lorcan was the man she was supposed to end up with, was because he had stuck around through thick and thin. If they weren't meant to be, he never would have stayed by her side throughout the whirlwind of drama that swirled her life for a time. Had Darragh never left the house as Catherine soundly slept on the sofa after they spent a sublime night together, she was certain she would have broken off her relationship with Lorcan nor even looked twice at Jimmy.

It wasn't Liam that had kept Darragh from never making a move, it was timing. Unlike Jimmy, he didn't feel right swopping in on another man's woman. Even if that man was as deserving as Jimmy O.

When Catherine didn't make a move back, Darragh concluded that everything between her and Jimmy was the same. He pulled his hand away and silently got up to head for the door. However, he hadn't been able to make his first step, with Catherine quickly grabbing his wrist to stop him. Her grip was clammy and he twisted the top half of his body so he could stare down at her. There were words on the tip of her tongue that Darragh could tell Catherine was trying to choke out.

"Why did ya leave after I fell asleep?"

Hearing that question and the utter sheepishness in her tone, made Darragh feel like the biggest asshole on the planet. He had been young and dumb at the time, though he had only done what he thought was right. There was a sense of relief in that now he knew Catherine had been upset with his abrupt absence. Maybe she really did enjoy his company, as much as he did hers.

Sitting back down on the bed, Darragh gently grabbed Catherine's hand. He rubbed the soft skin of her knuckles with his thumb, committing to memory all of the small freckles on her nose and exposed shoulders. The way she bit her lower lip when nervy, was something he found to be both incredibly adorable and sexy. His heart skipped a beat or two when Catherine reached for his other hand.

"There were a lot of reasons, Catherine." He ran his hand through his thick, shaggy tresses. "Ya weren't ready fer…that, ta happen, an' ya were wit' Lorcan, too. But most importantly, I didn't want ya ta get hurt. I knew the RUC was closin' in on me an' it was only a matter of time before I ended up in prison."

"I would'a waited—"

Darragh placed his index finger over Catherine's lips to stop her from speaking. "I was sentenced ta ten years; ye'd be a bloody eejit ta wait fer me."

"Look at my life. As it turns out, I am a fuckin' eejit."

"No, yer not. Ya were under the spell of Jimmy O'Phelan. Now that ye've broken free, ye'll be amazed by how much yer life will get back on track."

Catherine sighed. This was a Pandora's box she quickly regretted opening. One of Lorcan's most appealing qualities to her was that he wasn't by any means an IRA man. After being with Jimmy, spending her life with another Provo didn't seem like the greatest idea. She couldn't do the same thing over and over and expect a different result. However, she was afraid that she was possibly throwing away something great all because she unfairly lumped Darragh into the likes of Jimmy. Those two men were anything but similar.

"Where does this leave us, then?" she asked.

Darragh shrugged. "When yer ready, ye'll know."


Juggling her keys and duffle bag, Catherine managed to unlock the back door. She pushed her way inside, closing the door with her foot and not bothering to lock it again. Much to her delight, Patrick was gone at work which would give her a few hours to decompress. Tossing her keys on the table, Catherine picked up the stack of mail with her name on it. Not bothering to flip through it, she headed straight upstairs. Tossing her bag and the mail onto the floor of her bedroom, Catherine then strolled to the bathroom and started a bubble bath.

Slipping under the hot, sudsy water, Catherine relaxed. There was still so much on her plate that needed attention, but she couldn't bring herself to think about it just yet. For now, she wanted to enjoy this short time alone as Catherine was feeling the pressure of her changing life. She knew it was ridiculous of her to think everything would stay the same, but that wasn't how life worked. To keep herself from panicking as she thought about her future, Catherine tried to reassure herself that she had outgrown everything she had going for her and was now ready to take on bigger and better challenges.

Pulling the plug for the drain, Catherine stepped out of the tub and dried off. Tying the sash of her robe, she walked back to her bedroom with full intention on taking a quick nap. Her energy levels had been almost none existent lately. It seemed that no matter how many hours she slept at night and during the day, exhaustion found its way to gloom over her.

Off her bedroom floor, Catherine grabbed the small stack of envelopes. She flipped through the junk mail and bills, almost ignoring the small envelope that was tucked between her phone bill and coupons. She tossed the rest of them onto her dresser as she examined it. It was addressed to her, but it had been sent to one of SAMBEL's legitimate businesses. In the spot where the return address was, there was no name, but the fact it came from the United States had her stomach fluttering.

Ripping into it, Catherine sat on her bed. She unfolded the piece of notebook paper, smoothing out the creases as she mustered the courage to read the obviously male handwriting.

Catherine,

Wish we had the chance to say goodbye. Jax made me realize what I said to you the last night we saw each other wasn't fair so, I'm sorry. Don't be a stranger. The Alibi isn't as fun without you.

-Happy

Catherine read it over three times, just to be sure her mind wasn't playing games with her. To say she was flabbergasted, was an understatement. Never in a million years would she imagine a man like Happy taking the time to write out a letter to a woman who lived across the Atlantic Ocean. She never imagined a man like Happy even having the word "sorry" in his vocabulary. There was nothing he had to be sorry for and Catherine wished like hell she could tell him that to his face. The gesture beyond touched her heart, leaving her to feel—once again—like an idiot.

Rolling up the sleeve to her robe, Catherine ran her thumb along the 'J' shaded into the shamrock tattoo. If the cost of a flight across the pond to Charming wasn't guaranteed to drain her savings, she would absolutely take Happy up on his offer to cover it up. She wasn't sure if she should write back to him and say her days of being a world traveler were over. To some extent, Catherine wanted to just pretend that part of her life didn't happen. Happy was nothing more than a one-night stand to her, just as she was nothing more to him. There was no point in them doing the awkward "are we friends?" dance, when it was obvious they had absolutely nothing in common. As much as she wanted to just throw that letter away, Catherine couldn't bring herself to. Tucking it back into the envelope, she shoved it under the mattress, as she was unsure where to stash it.

Deciding there was something else that needed her attention, she dug through her duffle looking for the paper bag from the pharmacy. Fiona's words from the other night were playing over and over in her head.

"How far along are ya?"

With shaking hands, Catherine pulled out the box of pregnancy tests.