Gripping the towel bar, Darragh gritted his teeth as he groaned from the pain. With broken ribs, trying to step out of the shower turned out to be far more difficult than he originally anticipated it to be.
Turning around from the sink, Catherine sprang into action. Helping Darragh out of the tub, Catherine grabbed his towel and wrapped it around his waist for him. It tore every ounce of her to shreds seeing him in such terrible pain. He had woken up in the middle of the night screaming, after having rolled over on to his left side accidentally. Frustrated and seething that he would have to rely heavily on his pregnant girlfriend for the next several weeks, Darragh was having a hard time swallowing his pride.
"Would you please stay home? It hasn't even been twelve hours. You'll never heal if you don't slow down."
Pushing past Catherine, he headed to the sink where he grabbed his toothbrush. Slathering on a glob of minty paste, he snapped at her. "I'm not fuckin' stayin' home. No way am I missin' this appointment." Shoving the toothbrush in his mouth, Darragh curled his fingers around the edge of the sink and hung his head low. Catherine didn't take it personally. She knew the horrible pain he was experiencing would affect anyone's mood. "I'm sorry. Of all doctor appointments, I don't wanna miss this one."
"I understand." Walking up behind him, she wrapped her arms around his waist and kissed the elaborate Celtic cross tattoo between his shoulder blades. She wished Darragh would admit defeat for the day, but that would never happen. That's why she was prepared. "Brien's gonna meet us at my parents when we're done at the clinic. He was able to get some of the good painkillers from Seamus."
"I'm only takin' that shite at night. Don't wanna be all loopy during the day. All of my responsibilities don't vanish because I'm the dumb-fuck who got their arse kicked by the UVF."
In the mirror, Catherine intensely watched Darragh as he spat foam into the sink. She wasn't sure if it was love or her raging hormones, but everything that man did, he managed to look sexy doing it. And that included him having toothpaste dribbling down his chin as he vigorously brushed his teeth.
Realizing he couldn't lean down to rinse his mouth out under the faucet, Catherine washed out the mug she had been drinking tea from and filled it with water for him.
"Oh, my love," she crooned, rubbing his back, "you're not a dumb-fuck. A dumbass, yes, but not a dumb-fuck."
Darragh found it amusing to watch Catherine's face twist with disgust as he spat the water back into the cup, handing it to her.
"Lucky for you, I can piss on my own." Kissing Catherine on the forehead, Darragh headed to the bedroom to dress.
Dumping the water down the drain, she chuckled. "Aye. Lucky me."
In the clinic waiting room at the Royal, Catherine and Darragh sat in plastic blue chairs against the wall. Across the room, the television quietly hummed. She half paid attention to the news stories as she flipped through the pages of an old parenting magazine. Beside her, Darragh sat as still as possible, counting his breaths.
Every time another expectant mother would walk past them and catch a glimpse of Darragh's battered face, the two of them would snicker at the horrified reactions. The sad reality was that Catherine had been so exposed to brutality, she was desensitized. A normal woman would have been up in arms about her boyfriend having been knocked around, but not Catherine.
As Darragh sat on the edge of the tub while Catherine smeared antibiotic ointment over the gashes on his cheekbone, eyebrow, and bridge of his nose, she clicked her tongue along the roof her mouth, shaking her head. "See, this is why we stay out of pub fights," she had teased him.
"How're you doin'?" Leaning over, she whispered into his ear.
"I'll survive."
Catherine grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly. "I appreciate you comin' with me today."
"You kidding?" he placed his free hand on her belly. Today, not only would they be finding out the sex of the baby, but they would also be hearing the heartbeat. "I wouldn't miss this for the world."
Seeing how excited Darragh was, Catherine felt the immeasurable guilt building. She hadn't told him that she confronted Jimmy after he had passed out. Even she was annoyed with herself, wishing she could take back the compromise she made with Jimmy. It was beyond unfair to Darragh for her to turn around and do that, after the Hell he had put them through over the last month. A serious moment of weakness would have serious repercussions.
She wasn't sure yet if she was going to tell him about what happened.
Thankfully, they didn't have to wait long. When the nurse called Catherine's name, they got odd looks from just about everyone after she stood up first and was the one helping Darragh to his feet. Once in the exam room, he passed on sitting again, opting to just rest his back against the wall.
"How've you been feelin?" the doctor asked, flipping through the results of Catherine's last blood test.
"Really tired—like all the time. Feels like I never have energy."
"Still nauseous, too," Darragh cut in, raising his eyebrows.
"That's nothin' to be concerned about. Perfectly normal for this stage of pregnancy. Once you hit the second trimester, your energy levels should go back up." Reaching for the blood pressure cuff, she wrapped it around Catherine's arm. After jotting down the numbers, she ran through the usual list of questions.
At the end of the appointment, Catherine enthusiastically smiled at Darragh as the doctor squeeze jelly all over her stomach. He moved closer, grabbing her hand and feeling his heart rate start to skyrocket. In the two months since finding out Catherine was pregnant, Darragh was beginning to convince himself that was his child. It didn't matter to him that she had done the deed with Jimmy, as far as he was concerned, that was his baby.
The doctor pointed to the screen, outlining the baby. Catherine slightly hoisted up on her elbows to get a better look. When they heard the heartbeat for the first time, he swallowed hard and she wiped joyful tears from her cheeks. For the first time since those pink lines appeared on the test, it was suddenly all so real for Catherine. It was also the first time she felt elated. No apprehension. Just pure bliss.
"Does everythin' look okay?" Her voice was small.
Doctor Gallagher ran through indicators that all pointed to a healthy pregnancy. "Aye. The baby's size is exactly what I'd expect to see, and the heartbeat is very strong. Do we want to find out the sex today?"
Catherine said they did but kindly asked her to write it down and seal it up in an envelope. They wanted to find out at the same time as the rest of the family.
On their way, Doctor Gallagher slipped a small piece of paper into an envelope and handed it to Darragh. It was a relief to him that she ignored his black eye. With Catherine occupied giving another round of blood samples, he used the opportunity to ask his questions.
"What can I be doin' for her?"
She smiled un-sympathetically. Answering that question never got old for her. She loved to see significant other's who were actively involved. "Just keep up with what you're already doing. It's brilliant that you're here with her for every appointment. The two of you should start thinking about signing up for childbirth classes, though. It's also important that you keep her active and her stress down."
Yeah, you try telling an IRA woman she needs to keep her stress down. He thought.
"Believe me, I'm tryin'. She's just been so tired lately, and it seems like she can hardly keep any food down."
"Catherine is a healthy young woman. All of her blood work has been right where I want it to be. Within the month, you'll start to see her perk up."
That was good enough for him.
Outside the Royal, It was a crisp September morning with the sun trying to peek its way through angry, gray clouds. Darragh slipped on a black knitted beanie and his aviator sunglasses. For obvious reason, he was on edge about being recognized in public and Catherine really couldn't blame him.
"What were ya talking to the doctor about?" She stuffed her hands into the pockets of her jacket as they started making their way to the Falls.
"Just wanted to know about what else I could be doin' to help you out."
"You already do so much. Stop worryin' about me."
Darragh stopped walking and tugged on Catherine's jacket to stop her as well. Gathering her in his arms, he pulled her in close. Closing her eyes, Catherine took a deep breath, losing herself in his scent and warmth.
"The day I stop worryin' about you, is the day I'm cold and dead." He pressed a small kiss to her lips. "And, I'm hopin' that doesn't happen anytime soon."
Catherine rolled her eyes, not finding his terrible attempt at a joke to be funny. She understood what he meant, she just wished he would have expressed it differently. Just like him, she too was on edge, worried that the beating was just a warning.
Cupping his rosy cheeks in her hands, Catherine kissed him again. Everything that he did for her, made her heart burst. No man has ever shown her the amount of unconditional love that he has. She couldn't see his eyes, but she knew he felt the same. The last twelve hours had her thinking long and hard about the future and her feelings. The mere mention of Darragh no longer being at her side tore her to shreds. She couldn't imagine a day where she couldn't see or speak to him. Kiss his luscious lips or fall asleep tucked against his body.
"I love you," she blurted out.
Those three words shattered Darragh's soul. He knew this day was inevitable, but he was hoping he would be able to clean up his past before it happened. The love he felt for Catherine had consumed every fiber in his being and nor could he imagine a life without her. She had been so open and honest about her past with Lorcan and Jimmy, even Happy. Yet, he couldn't return the favor and tell her that he—technically—had a wife in Donegal.
That was a conversation for another day.
"I love you, too. More than you'll ever know."
Catherine hadn't been expecting a houseful when she walked into her parent's. With Darragh close behind, he stiffened when he spotted Jimmy sitting at the kitchen table beside Fiona. Brien and Liam were busy entertaining Kerrianne, while Padraic was deep in conversation with Patrick. Jimmy ceased speaking with Olivia when Catherine entered the kitchen.
Brien whistled at Darragh as he reached into his kutte. He tugged out a pill bottle and sent it sailing across the kitchen. Darragh caught it mid-air as he pulled out a chair for Catherine. She had no idea about the confrontation between Jimmy and Darragh a few days earlier, and Darragh had no idea Catherine had seen Jimmy either. The tension between the three of them was so palpable, Patrick could sense something was off.
"So," Olivia poured steaming water from the electric kettle for Catherine. "What did the doctor say?"
Jimmy shifted in his chair as he watched Darragh stir milk and two sugars into Catherine's steeping tea. The sweetness of her voice still possessed the power to penetrate him, and those sparkling eyes could bring him to his knees.
He faded out of the conversation swirling around him. It utterly broke him to be there and listen to all of them gush over Catherine, Darragh, and the baby. It was karma; another man would be raising his child, just as he was doing to Chibs.
With Fiona convinced that Darragh was the father, she was happier than Jimmy has seen her in a long time. In her mind, life was back on track—her family was back together.
"Pregnancy is agreein' with you, love." Fiona was genuinely happy that Catherine was pulling her own life together. "I wished I had looked half as good as you when I was with Kerri."
Catherine blushed at the compliment, taking it in stride. She didn't feel nearly as good as people said she looked. Rummaging through her purse, Catherine thanked Fiona for the compliment and grabbed the envelope from the doctor. Waving it out, Patrick plucked it from his daughter's outstretched hand. Excitedly, everyone but Jimmy, gathered around Patrick as he ripped the seal open.
Standing behind Catherine, Darragh placed his hands on her shoulders. He squeezed her tense muscles, feeling his stomach start to twist and turn.
When Patrick unfolded the piece of paper, Catherine instantly knew what she was having by mixed reactions.
"What is it, Kerri?" Catherine laughed at the young girl's visible disappointed look.
Slipping onto Fiona's lap, Kerrianne shrugged. "A boy."
Brien and Liam slapped Darragh on the back to offer their congratulations. The brother's quickly regretted their decision when the pain almost brought Darragh to his knees. Catherine jumped out of her chair and—carefully—hugged him. They would have been happy either way, but they had been secretly hoping for a boy.
The news left Jimmy devastated.
"Do youse have a name yet?" Brien asked. He passed out shots to Darragh, Liam, and Padraic.
Darragh answered. "Aye. Patrick Eamonn."
"But," Catherine interjected, looking at Jimmy briefly. "He's to be called Eamonn."
Picking out a boy's name had been sore for Catherine and Darragh. As badly as they wanted to stick with the Irish tradition of naming their son after his father, that could only happen when they conceived. Picking any derivative of the name "James" was also out of the question as Catherine feared that would instantly raise red flags. Especially if the baby were to bear any sort of resemblance to Jimmy.
After hearing the name they had chosen, Jimmy was content. Catherine knew the name Eamonn held a special space in his life. It would have been his first choice had he been involved in the decision making.
"That's so stupid. Why not just call him Patrick? Or give him the first name Eamonn?"
Catherine leaned her forearms on the table and tilted her head in her brother's direction. Darragh was on the fence about whether or not to defuse the situation. The pregnancy hormones were through the roof and he knew her sharp tongue had been slicing a little more these days. He decided not to jump in because he was genuinely curious to watch his girl drop-kick her brother.
"For the same bloody reason as to why you're called Liam when your given name is Patrick William. There's about six dozen Paddy's between our family and Darragh's."
"Fair enough," Liam conceded.
Patrick pipped in. "I think the most important question here, is will the boy be an O'Toole or a Ryan?"
Darragh looked back and forth between the three O'Toole men. Deep down they knew it wouldn't be long until Catherine was a Ryan herself, so they had all accepted the fact the baby would be as well. Patrick just wanted to make his future son-in-law squirm a little. When he realized it was all in good fun, Darragh felt like the biggest asshole in the world knowing he could never make Catherine his wife.
"I'm sorry to burst your bubble, Da, but he'll be carryin' on the Ryan name." Catherine avoided all eye contact with Jimmy.
As everyone sat in the living room, Catherine was in the kitchen refilling the kettle with water. Brien took the opportunity to get some alone time with his sister. Sneaking up behind her, he tapped her on the shoulder, finding it hysterical when she nearly jumped three feet in the air.
"Mother'a Christ." She placed her hand on her chest. "Ya scared me half to death, so ya did."
He calmed his laughter just enough to apologize. With all the protection runs he had been doing to Dungloe, and the surveillance she had been doing, it bummed Brien out that he was falling out of touch with Catherine. While he missed the days where they had been glued to the hip, he understood that their very different ideological views had led them to separate lives.
Leaning against the counter, Brien crossed his arms over his chest. His eyes softened as he watched Catherine rinse out mugs.
"Things workin' between you and Darragh? He treatin' you well?"
"Aye." Catherine lowered her voice. "We've had our moments, but it's night and day compared to how it was with Jimmy. I'm not sleepin' with one eye open anymore, afraid I'll have my neck squeezed in the middle of the night."
"Is that really what was goin' on?"
"Towards the end. But, I did have it comin'. You don't break the rules of the Ra and expect nothin' to happen. I'm still in shock that my court-martial just…went away. But now, Darragh's upset because Jimmy assigned me to-"
Catherine immediately stopped talking. Loose lips cost lives. She wasn't convinced that Liam wasn't the informer who had landed her in jail.
"You need to start thinkin' about the future. Even Ma left the Ra before you were born."
Brien pinched the bridge of his nose trying to make sense of the mess Catherine had gotten herself into. He understood the suffocating pressure the old ladies of SAMBEL felt. They were expected to run a household with an absentee husband, all the while keeping secrets. He couldn't even begin to imagine the responsibilities that were crushing Catherine, when she was expected to do just that, on top of being involved in operations.
"Look, I know you don't agree with the life I've chosen for myself. But, you should've thought of that before ya put the petrol bombs, bricks, and stones in my hand. You grew out of it; I didn't. Until I do, you've no business to lecture me about what I do for the cause."
He recoiled as if Catherine had slapped him across the face. "So that's how it's gonna be, yeah?" Reaching into his kutte, he pulled out four letters and tossed down on the counter. "Well, sweetheart, it became my business when you decided to fuck one of the blokes in Cali. The decision you made followed ya back home."
Catherine picked up the envelopes and instantly realized Happy had sent them. She never responded to the one she had gotten after she returned home from Dundalk following her arrest. A part of her hoped that her silence would make Happy disinterested and he would move on.
It was a one-night stand. They had no future. He needed to let it go.
"You've got a baby on the way, Catherine, and a man who treats you with an ounce of respect. Either you end it, or I will. Then, stay the fuck away from my club."
"Don't be a fuckin' asshole about this! I haven't spoken to him since I was in Charming, so there's nothin' to even end!"
When Catherine rose her voice, that caught the attention of everyone in the living room. Patrick and Darragh were the first to poke their heads in the kitchen, making sure the siblings weren't at each other's throats. Liam and Padraic peered over Darragh's shoulder, curiosity peeked.
They continued screaming at one another. No topic was off-limits. At one point, Catherine brought up something Brien had done when he was eleven.
"Should we intervene?" Darragh asked. He was supposed to be keeping her stress down, and an argument with her brother wasn't very calming.
"Nah," Liam answered. "This is nothin'. When they were younger, they would body-slam each other."
Darragh gave Patrick the side-eye. He wondered where they could have possibly learned that from.
"You wanna know what you and Mary McGregor have in common?" Brien taunted Catherine. "You're both whores."
"Oh boy." Liam and Patrick whispered in unison.
They all knew what was coming next. Patrick was the first to dash into the kitchen, but before he could get between them, Catherine swung and clobbered Brien's right eye.
As Patrick managed to push Catherine out the back door so she could calm down, Olivia rushed in to aid her youngest son. Darragh stood in the archway, in complete shock over what had happened. In less than a minute it went from zero-to-sixty.
"Ma, she sucker-punched me," Brien whined.
Olivia handed him a bag of frozen carrots for his eye and then smacked him on the back of the head. "And ya deserved it, too, wee shit."
With an amusing smile, Fiona chuckled at Darragh's utter disbelief. He looked at her with eyes the size of saucers. That only made her laugh harder. "She's just like her daddy. Welcome to the family."
