CHAPTER 144
(JARED)
I'm sitting in the back of the Bentley, dad is sitting next to me and Uncle Christian is up front with Raul, who is driving us to the prison. I look behind us and see one of dad's Merc's being driven by Angus and Jason Taylor is in it with him. I glance down at the photograph album I am clutching, it contains a few photographs of Ryan with my dad and I am hoping he can tell me about them.
This whole situation is beyond weird, I glance at dad who is gazing out of the window and looking deep in thought. I am worried about him, he is so obviously completely out of his depth and trying his best to do right by everyone, he carries the weight of the world on his shoulders and believes it's a weight he should carry alone. I think that is why I called Uncle Christian, I glance at him and see he is watching through the rear-view mirror and he smiles reassuringly at me as our eyes meet. I did want his advice about Corrine as I am confused about her after finding out what happened but I also wanted him to know about everything that was happening here in the hope he would come and help my dad. If I was to be completely honest, I'm also scared… very scared. I think about how drastically and completely my life has changed in the space of just a couple of months. I've lost all the people who were my world. My life this past month is now completely different from everything I once knew. I am now a part of a new world and while I adore my dad and Uncle Christian, I'm scared, so very scared that I am going to lose them as well. I'm scared that something bad is going to happen to them and they are going to be taken away from me. I feel a panic attack coming on and I ruthlessly push those thoughts out of my head as the last thing dad needs is me having a meltdown.
I concentrate on the here and now and where we are going. I know quite a bit about the dodgy relationship dad had with Ryan, a lot of it I found in my Google searches and dad filled in the details of what the media didn't know. For years dad didn't even know that Ryan was his brother and while Ryan was aware that he and dad shared a mother he had been fed lies by his dad and that along with the fact Elizabeth had just dumped him had led to jealousy and resentment towards my dad. From what I've learnt about Elizabeth though and the way she treated dad, I think he got the better deal not having her in his life. I just remember Ryan Landon as the laid-back man who my dad… my other dad used to be good friends with, and who travelled to Chicago a few times to visit and we always visited him when we went to New York. The man who gave me candy and cookies with a wink and a grin but suddenly that all ended and he never came to see us anymore. I dredge my memory and recall a time as we walked through Central Park while we were on vacation. I was very young, and I had asked my dad if we were going to visit Ryan and his face had just shuttered and he had said no, with such a sense of finality that I didn't pursue the matter further. I'd asked Uncle Pete what had happened and he had just brushed it off saying they had fallen out over something. I am looking to find out what happened, what went wrong between him and my dad… my other dad. I pause as I think about that and look at dad once more, he made it clear that he never wanted to replace my dad and he has gone out of his way to help preserve his memory. This all must be so hard for him he must feel like he's walking a tightrope. I reach out and touch his hand. He almost jumps as he is so lost in his own thoughts but he turns and smiles at me.
"What's wrong?" he asks immediately focussing his complete attention on me.
I shake my head, "Nothing, I… I just want to say thanks" I say.
He frowns and looks at me questioningly, "What for?" he asks in obvious confusion.
"Everything" I say simply and I squeeze his hand.
His face softens and he smiles at me, "Jared you don't have to thank me for anything, you are my son… it is me who should be thanking you for trusting me with the privilege of taking care of you" he protests.
I don't argue with him, and that one flippant remark sums up for me just how my dad must be feeling, and I think he feels he has failed in some way after the debacle with Corrine in Central Park. I look down at the photograph album once more. I really do want to know what happened between my dad… my other dad and Ryan Landon. Now that I can clearly see how tightly linked we all were and are I can't help but wonder if Ryan's resentment against my biological dad had anything to do with the falling out he had with my adoptive dad and if he knew the truth about me. I immediately dismiss that theory as stupid; Corrine had put in place so many safe guards to prevent anyone ever finding out who my dad was that thought is ridiculous.
"We're here" dad says suddenly and I look out of the window to see us parked up outside the prison.
We climb out of the car and dad wraps his arm around me as we make our way towards the entrance. We go through several security checks and eventually we are led inside. I look around taking it all in. Dad has his arm securely around my shoulder and Uncle Christian is on my other side. Dad seems to know where he is going as he strides with purpose down a corridor and eventually we are led to a room.
I watch as dad thanks the guard who nods at him and he reaches for the door handle. As the door opens, I see a fairly large room, and inside is Ryan along with a laptop and TV screen. I glance at the TV screen and I see sitting watching us through that screen is Caroline which surprises me. Then I remember how dad had told me they have joint therapy sessions as part of these visits in their attempt to make sense of the past and to try and create some kind of bond. I feel slightly awkward now, wondering if I am intruding on their time together, and also if my being here and wanting to know what happened in the past with my family will create new problems with Ryan and my dad.
Ryan's eyes widen dramatically and he gasps as he sees me, and then he looks at dad questioningly, before registering the fact Uncle Christian is also here and he looks at him in surprise as he stands up.
"Christian!" he exclaims and holds out his hand.
"Ryan" Uncle Christian says politely as he reaches across and accepts the hand shake.
Ryan then returns his attention to me, "Hello Jared" he says nervously.
"Hi… I hope you don't mind, I asked dad if I could come?" I say and Ryan shrugs.
"That's fine" he says but I get the feeling this worries him.
I look down at the photograph album, "I have… I've got some photographs, they are of you with… my dad, my other dad I mean… you know… William Martin. I thought you might like to see them and perhaps tell me the story behind them?" I ask hopefully.
Ryan smiles sadly, "I'd like to see them, that is one of my biggest regrets in my life… what I did to your dad, and you should know I am so, so very sorry" he says quietly.
I watch as both dad and Uncle Christian pay attention to that remark and stiffen considerably.
"What did you do?" I ask curiously, realising that with that comment I am going to get the answers I seek much sooner than I anticipated and with less effort on my part to get them.
Ryan doesn't reply, but glances at dad nervously and after taking a deep breath he speaks directly to him, "I was planning on telling you this today, hence the reason I asked for Caroline to join us as now that you have Jared with you I felt I needed to tell you what I did to Will. I've been working out how to since I did that video call on your birthday... thanks again for organising that Christian" he says as he looks from my dad to Uncle Christian. He is clearly very scared about what he's going to tell us and I wonder why? Is it that bad… or is he scared that the progress he has made with dad is going to be lost if he tells him?
I look at Uncle Christian who just waves his hand dismissively and doesn't say anything, I think that he is also more interested in hearing what Ryan did to my dad. The memory of that day in Central Park fills my mind and I tell him what I remember, "I want to know what happened between you and my dad… my other dad. I have this memory… I remember asking dad if we were going to visit you once, it was when I was little and we were on vacation in New York, and dad said no… he said it with such finality I never questioned it but I asked uncle Pete about it afterwards and he told me that you and dad had fallen out… so, what did you fall out about? What did you do to my dad that was so bad?" I ask.
"Let's sit down" Uncle Christian says suddenly and I realise that we are all still standing up. We sit down around a table. I take a moment to glance around the room and shiver; it is incredibly sterile and a bit grim. Apart from the table, and chairs and the trolley with the TV and laptop on there is nothing else in here. The window behind us has bars on it and the walls are painted white.
"Are you ok?" dad whispers to me as he sits down beside me.
"I am" I reply but I reach for my dad's hand which he willingly gives me. I look towards Ryan again, "So, what did you fall out about?" I push.
Uncle Christian leans back in his chair and crossing his legs he rests his ankle on his knee, but he also places his arm around the back of my chair in a silent but obvious show of support for me.
"Yes, we are all now sitting comfortably, so why don't you begin" he says.
Ryan looks down at his hands and shakes his head, he swallows hard before looking up at me and the bleak expression on his face unnerves me a little. He glances at Caroline and she leans forward.
"We discussed this before Gideon, Christian and Jared arrived. You were adamant you wanted to tell Gideon about what happened between you and William Martin. Nothing has changed" she says.
Ryan gestures towards me, "But Jared is also here… and telling Jared what I did to his… father, because that is what he was, he was his father…" he stops and looks at dad, "…and the fact it involved my vendetta against you… his other father" he adds.
"Just tell us what you did" Uncle Christian says coldly.
Ryan glances at Christian and seems to register the coldness in his tone and he nods, "I have done so many terrible things in my life. Made so many bad decisions a lot of them… most of them… nearly all of them were… were due to ignorance, jealousy and the lies of others and what I did to your dad… I'm talking about Will, not Gideon… while in the big scheme of things wasn't as bad as many of the other things I did… and certainly nothing on the scale of what I did to Gideon over the years it was bad enough and he didn't deserve it… Will was… he was a good man… I just hope that when I tell you, that you will be able to forgive me… I never got the chance to apologise to your dad as he, quite rightly, distanced himself from me after what I did… and now, god rest his soul I will never get the chance to tell him face to face how deeply sorry I am".
"What did you do Ryan?" dad asks curtly.
Ryan shifts in his seat and looks at dad guiltily, before giving me an apologetic look. "I blackmailed him into investing in a LanCorp project" he says sadly.
"Blackmailed him?" I ask.
Ryan nods, "Your dad, Will… he was introduced to me by his brother Pete who worked for me at that time, we hit it off right away. We became fast friends; he introduced me to Nick… Nick Hamilton" he pauses and looks at dad carefully. "So, through my friendship with Will and the connections I made through him with Nick… I knew… I knew who Jared's mother was". I take a sharp breath in and look up at dad who closes his eyes and looks as though he is in pain as he realises the implications of that. I squeeze dad's hand and he opens his eyes and gives me a reassuring squeeze back.
Ryan watches us and continues to explain, "I was close friends with your father… with Will, and as such I watched you grow up Jared, and as you grew it became obvious to me who your biological father was. So, I asked questions and Will confided in me the details of the adoption... he was my friend and he trusted me and I abused that trust he put in me through my own need for vengeance towards you. When he told me what he had been told, I didn't question it and I was disgusted, I assumed you had behaved just like our mother and abandoned your child, it fuelled my jealousy and hatred towards you and…" he stops and shakes his head.
"I never thought… I didn't think… I never thought that what he knew was possibly wrong or that you never actually knew about Jared, that Corrine could've lied. All I could see was that this information I now had was gold, and that I could use it to hurt you but it never occurred to me that what I was doing would also hurt Will, or you Jared. It was never my intention to hurt either of you, but I was blinded… so blinded by my resentment towards you. I asked him to invest in a new project… it was one which I was planning to put up against something Cross Industries was developing. I really thought I was being clever, and getting one over on you by getting the man who adopted your son to invest in something which would hurt you… in my mind he would invest and it would be a huge success and it would damage you and Cross Industries and we would both have won against you… I didn't see the flaws in the project – but Will did. He looked at the proposal and declined to invest, he said that he didn't think it was viable. I felt insulted by that and I got angry with him… I felt my revenge slipping away and I did something incredibly stupid. I said if he didn't invest, I would make it public that Gideon Cross had fathered the boy he had adopted. He tried to argue with me but I didn't listen I said… I said that boy has Gideon Cross stamped all over him and… I… and I said I would publicly announce the fact he had disowned his own son". He pauses and looks up at dad, remorse written all over his face. "I said I would do that if he didn't invest. I needed him to invest as I was so blinkered I needed that project to try and hurt you. Will was appalled, understandably and rightly appalled. He stared at me as if he didn't know me, but nevertheless he invested… and he did so only to protect you Jared and he made it clear that was his only reason for doing so. He also made it clear he would never invest in anything to do with LanCorp ever again. To cut a long story short, the project flopped and he lost his money. He came to me and told me he knew it wasn't viable which was why he didn't want to invest… he said he was going to just cut his losses and walk away and that our friendship was dead. He told me that I needed to take a good look at myself and what I was becoming and that until I chose a better path, he wanted nothing more to do with me… he told me that if my hatred towards you was worth destroying his son's life then to just go ahead and he would make sure that I would crash and burn as well… He said if I went public about you Jared that he would go public with how he had been blackmailed into investing in a flawed project and he would sue me. I'd never seen him so angry and his words made me realise what I had done… For the record, I never intended to make what I knew public; it was an empty threat and that empty threat cost me my friend. It also cost me a damn good employee as Pete Martin quit shortly afterwards. I think eventually Will realised it was an empty threat as well, the way he called my bluff before he walked away and cut me off. That was the last time I saw him. He was a good friend and I destroyed that with my own blind hatred and petty vendetta".
The silence spreads out between us all, nobody really knowing what to say to that.
"Say something" Ryan says eventually.
I look up at him, "Why? Why did you hate my dad so much that you were prepared to destroy your friendship for it?" I gesture towards dad with my hand so Ryan knows which dad I'm referring to. Ryan shakes his head.
"I have no valid reasons, now I can see what I did and I am ashamed… totally ashamed. Then I was filled with my father's hatred not to mention his lies and I… all I could see was destroying Gideon that was my only focus… I was blind to the truth".
Dad sighs, I glance at him I expected anger but all I see is sadness in his eyes. "He was fed lies Jared; he was brainwashed by his father; he was told all his life that I was the enemy and that it was his mission in life to try and destroy me. He was indoctrinated by his father who in reality was no better than my own parents… do you remember what I told you when you did your Google search?" dad says and I nod.
"It's just so sad though, I mean his dad and your mom they were just… evil" I say.
Ryan nods, "They were and I have only very recently come to terms with that fact, and at this moment while I don't deserve it I am terrified that this confession will take us back, and destroy what we have tried so hard to build since we both became fully aware of the whole truth".
I glance down at the photograph album and open it turning the pages to the photograph, the one which dad said was a publicity photograph taken at a gala. I touch it, and look up at Ryan.
"You both look so happy here, such good friends… was it worth it? Was it really worth losing that?" I ask.
I push the album towards Ryan and he looks down, his face softens as he looks at the photograph of him standing laughing at something with my dad. His face crumples and he shakes his head.
"No" he croaks. "I have always regretted dragging Will… your dad, into my warped plans, even before Gideon and I put an end to the feud, I regretted involving Will and losing his friendship as a result of my stupidity" he blurts out before dissolving into a flood of anguished tears.
Uncle Christian is sitting looking stunned by what he has heard, Dad clears his throat, and we watch as Ryan tries to pull himself together. Caroline is yet to say anything and I glance across at the television screen she is simply observing and taking notes.
"Caroline" I say and she immediately pauses and smiles at me.
"Yes Jared" she replies.
"Please say something" I say almost desperately.
She looks at me, "What do you want me to say?" she asks gently.
I shake my head, "I don't know… but just say something… say something to make Ryan feel better. Can't you see how bad he feels?" I ask as I wave my hand towards him.
Before she can answer, I realise what I need to do. It's not Caroline's place to make him feel better, anything she says won't make any difference but what I say next will. I stand up and I walk around the table and I wrap my arms around Ryan and hug him. His sobs become louder as he turns towards me and accepts the hug.
"I'm so sorry Jared" he whispers, I can't ask for your dad's forgiveness for what I did and I really don't deserve yours but, I am truly sorry".
"I forgive you" I say simply, this produces even more hysterical sobbing.
I pull away and walk towards dad who stands and opens his arms to me, "Are you ok?" he asks me as he looks at me with obvious concern.
I nod, and look up at him defiantly, "Don't let this damage the progress you two have made up to this point" I say to him, "Promise me dad, don't let this destroy what progress you have built so far. Don't let the bad people win" I say earnestly.
Dad swallows hard and nods, "Alright, I promise" he says simply. I look at Uncle Christian who is giving Ryan a very hostile glare.
"That goes for you too Uncle Christian, let it go" I call.
Uncle Christian looks at me and nods just once, "Alright" he says.
Dad looks at Ryan, "Ryan… I think this is a good time to tell you, to let you know… I was told yesterday… Elizabeth is dead" he says.
Ryan's eyes widen slightly and then an impassive mask slides into place and he simply shrugs. "And?" he says with the same indifference my dad showed to the news.
Dad grins, I am surprised by his reaction but then in another way I'm not surprised at all. "That was exactly my reaction to that news as well" he says wryly, then his grin fades. "Jared is right though, she is gone… your father is gone as is mine. The people who started all this, who created all this poison are all dead and gone so let's bury all this toxicity right there with them".
Ryan stands up and nods, he lets out one final shuddering sob before he takes a deep breath in and holds it. Then he scrubs his hands over his face and lets out that long breath before hesitantly walking towards my dad, he stops in front of him and my dad lets me go and reaches for him and pulls him into a hug. "With that woman's death we can now finally lay the past to rest. While she lived she was always there in the background like some fucking malevolent entity waiting to contaminate our lives with her evilness and depravity… but now she is gone" dad says earnestly.
Ryan nods in agreement and I glance at Uncle Christian who is also nodding. "I will need to see that bitch burn to get my closure" Ryan says quietly but bitterly.
Dad pulls away and thinks about that for a moment before he nods, "You are, whether you want to acknowledge that fact or not are her eldest son so I will defer to your wishes. I have been contacted as her named next of kin to arrange the funeral… I will also say Christopher actually suggested a dumpster, but in truth neither he nor Ireland care what happens to her so a cremation works for me if that is what you want?" he says. "I will also try and arrange for you to be there… if you want to?" he adds.
Ryan sniggers at the dumpster remark but then nods "Cremation is definitely the way to go I think and thank you as yes, I would. I'm fairly sure the request will be sanctioned; I mean the fact I am being considered for parole early next year is a testament to the fact the establishment believe I should no longer be incarcerated here".
I walk over to Uncle Christian who is still silently just watching and listening, "Shall we leave them to talk in private?" I whisper and uncle Christian nods.
He clears his throat, "We'll leave you both to talk in private" he says, but both dad and Ryan shake their heads, "No, don't go" Ryan says and he looks at me. "You wanted to know the stories behind your photographs? I'd like to still tell you what I remember… if you like?" he says. He looks at dad.
"What better way to lay the past to rest than to remember the good times?" he says with a shrug.
Dad nods, "I'd be interested to hear what you know, Jared showed me that photograph of you and William Martin and I said it looked like a publicity photograph of some description".
Jared nods, "I wondered how Uncle Pete got it though as this was his photograph album?" he says, "But then I remembered he worked for you… at LanCorp" he adds.
Ryan smiles, but it is a sad smile filled with regret. "Yes, he did in my marketing department. In fact, I think that photograph was probably one of his. He was a talented photographer and he was always on hand to take publicity shots of me at various functions, so obviously that moment was one too good to miss with me standing with his brother".
We all sit down again and Ryan looks through the photographs in the album, "I don't remember any of these" he murmurs as he looks through the photographs, "I thought I'd seen all Will's photograph albums but I've never seen these before".
"This is Uncle Pete's album" I explain and Ryan nods.
"He is a good man too, how is he these days?" he asks.
I feel the sadness consume me and I take in a sharp breath. Immediately dad and Uncle Christian both reach for me and Ryan stares at me in surprise.
"He… died, quite recently" I say and the tears start to fall down my cheeks.
"Oh my god I'm sorry Jared" Ryan says as he stares at me in horror.
"That's how I came to live with dad" I say as I look up at dad who now has his arm firmly around me, "…when mom and dad were murdered, I went to live with my uncle… Uncle Phil… dad's other brother and well it wasn't working out so well. It was then I started focussing my mind on where I came from. Finding Family found dad and he helped to get me away from Uncle Phil and into the guardianship of Uncle Pete and Aunty Suzy instead. I moved to Seattle, and it was going well… I now knew my biological dad and we were slowly building a bond and by default I also got Uncle Christian and Aunty Ana in my life. Then a couple of weeks down the line, the man who it turned out shot my dad showed up in Seattle and shot my aunt and uncle as well. I called Uncle Christian and he came to rescue me, dad flew in from New York and since that night I've been with him. Dad has formally adopted me now and I've been with him ever since".
Ryan stares at me, "Fucking hell, you've really been through the mill haven't you?" he gasps.
I shrug, "Just a bit" I agree.
He stares at me as he is seeming to be wrestling with something he wants to say. "Do you remember when you were little and I used to give you cookies and candy, and tell you not to tell your dad?" he says with a grin.
I smile at the memory, "Yeah, but dad was always standing right there when you said it!" I say.
Ryan laughs, "That was the point… you used to call me Uncle Ryan when you were little, I did think at that time that… that was slightly ironic considering…" he pauses and glances at dad.
I look at him, "That you really are my uncle" I finish for him and he nods.
"I'm not the best role model though, I know that" he says apologetically as he glances around us and I can't help but laugh bitterly at that.
"No worse than Uncle Phil!" I say.
Ryan looks at me questioningly, "Uncle Phil, who I was placed with when mom and dad died. He physically, psychologically and emotionally abused me when mom and dad died. He had always made comments for years when mom and dad weren't around though, he'd always say I wasn't a real Martin, but when mom and dad died and I was placed with him and he discovered I had been left everything that made him really mad as he thought he'd be getting something from dad's will and the abuse escalated. He even tried to sell our house in Chicago which went against my dad's will and he was looking to kill me, he got this other guy involved who gave him some drugs which he was going to give me to kill me and make it look like I'd committed suicide in an attempt to get his hands on the money dad left me". I say and I feel dad and Uncle Christian move closer as Ryan gasps in shock at that.
I look up at him and the flood gates open and I tell him the whole sorry story from beginning to end. Dad and Uncle Christian just sit there beside me in stoic silent support.
"That's before we get to the part where he was the one who was also responsible for my mom and dad's deaths – the guy who he got the drugs off, his first plan was to get him to kidnap me to try and extort money out of mom and dad but it went wrong and dad got accidentally shot. So, he killed my mom in cold blood instead, thinking he would get something from their will. When I met Dad, I told him about the abuse and he got me away from him… I realise now that had I not made that decision to try and find my biological family, I would probably be dead now. But when Uncle Phil realised who my biological dad was, he saw dollar signs and that saved me as he decided to try and extort money out of dad instead" I pause looking up at my dad and smiling at him, "But dad wasn't having any of that and he took charge and put me into the care of Uncle Pete and I went to live in Seattle with them. Dad said they would be best as my guardians as I knew them and had known them all my life, but he also made it clear he wanted to be in my life. But obviously this pissed off Uncle Phil so his plan then changed again and he sent the man who he got the drugs from and who accidentally shot dad to come and kill me and my aunt and uncle. They were killed in cold blood while I hid upstairs and it was all down to money, he just wanted my dad's money nothing else and he was even prepared to kill his own family for it... So, taking all that into consideration I think you are positively an angel compared to him" I say.
Ryan looks at Gideon, "I'm hoping that you have your resources and legal team behind getting Jared his justice for what his uncle did?" and dad nods.
"That goes without saying" he says simply.
"Did the man who invaded Pete's home get caught?" Ryan asks.
I nod, "Yeah, I'd met Uncle Christian, as he came to Chicago with dad to meet me for the first time. When it got arranged that I'd be coming to Seattle he gave me his number and said if I needed anything to call him, as he was in the same city so could physically get to me quicker in the event of an emergency than dad could, him being the other side of the country. That day I called Christian for help and he sent his security and they caught the man. Christian also came personally and took me to his home where dad joined us when he flew in from New York, and as I said I've been living with dad ever since".
Ryan looks completely shocked at hearing all that. "Well, I have no idea what to say to all that, but I am genuinely sorry for your loss Jared… despite what I did, I really did like your dad and Pete" he says sadly.
I nod and quickly brush away the tears which are threatening to fall and as I do so I feel dad grip me tighter and Uncle Christian also reaches for me and squeezes my hand.
"Jared"
We all turn towards the screen, Caroline smiles kindly at me, "So, now after this visit what are your thoughts?" she asks.
I look at dad, Uncle Christian and Ryan… Uncle Ryan and swallow hard. "It's over, I know now what happened. I have the answers to why I suddenly stopped seeing Ryan when I was a child and what he and my dad fell out about. I just… I just don't want it to create a new rift now. I don't want it used as a new stick to beat Ryan with, or for him to beat himself with. As dad said that woman has now died and with her death all the evilness she and those around her caused comes to an end. Nothing can be done about what you all did in the past, but you all need to let it go and look to the future. I don't hold any grudge for what you did to my dad… my other dad, it wasn't the right thing to do but you said yourself that it was an empty threat which tells me if you had no intention of doing it then somewhere deep inside you knew it was wrong, but it took dad breaking his friendship with you for you to realise and accept that… I think… I think you have all suffered enough so just let it go". I shrug as I say that last part.
Dad smiles proudly at me and pulls me close, "I am so proud of you" he whispers into my ear as he holds me tightly in his arms.
