A/N: Don't own Naruto

Chapter 2: Lesson 2

Sasuke had some sort of skills to get Sakura's attention that fast but hey, he's an Uchiha. Any who here comes Shikamaru…

"Aww geez." He groaned as he spotted Temari. She had some scrolls in her hands and was walking towards him. "Do I really have to follow by the book? Well it's worth a shot." He thought. He put his hands in his pockets and slouched a bit trying to look cool. As Temari was walking up to him she had a 'what the hell' expression. Shikamaru looked like he was born with a leg shorter then the other by 2 inches as he walked over.

"Shikamaru?" she asked nervously.

"What's up Temari?" he said coolly and she sweat dropped.

"Is your foot okay?"

"Why?" he asked.

"When you walked over, it looked like you were limping or something like that…"

"God damn I knew this wouldn't work!" he shouted in his head.

"Nah, I'm fine. Let me help you with those." He tried to take some but she stepped back and put her right hand to her hip.

"What do you want?"

"?"

"You are too lazy to even think of helping me. What do you want?"

"…HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSE TO ANSWER THAT?" he practically screamed in his head. He thought for a minute and she just tapped her foot in waiting for an answer. Obviously she was getting annoyed waiting for almost 20 minutes until he answered.

"I don't know." That was a mistake to say because Temari took out her huge ass fan and slammed it on his head. He crashed to the ground with a small crater in the form of his body.

"DON'T WASTE MY TIME! YOU MIGHT BE MY BF BUT THIS IS RIDICULOUS!" she shouted and walked passed his unconscious body.

"I'm going to kill Naruto." He thought as he couldn't move from the crater. "What the hell I can't move!"

"Hey where do I put these?" shouted a deliverer.

"Over to the side." Shouted another. The deliverers put a set of boxes down and guess where it was?

"GOD DAMN HOW TROUBLESOME!" he said as he couldn't get up.

"Man, I could have thought of some excuse instead of 'I don't know'." Temari said. She stomped towards the hokage office. She walked to the front doors and stopped. She tried to calm herself before she walked in. Who would want to be pissed off in front of a drunken hokage? As she was about to enter, the door opened and there stood Naruto.

"Hey you're Gaara's sister." He said.

"Yeah…can you excuse me?"

"Uhhh, sure?" he said as he held the door. She walked in and he let go of the door. He heard a smack and looked behind him. The door smashed open and Temari held out her fan.

"THAT WASN'T NECESSARY!" she shouted.

"It was an accident!" but it was too late as he was flying the air and to no where. She leaned on her fan and wiped her forehead.

"That felt so good. I guess I owe Naruto for being a stress reliever." She said as she walked back in the building.

00000000000000000000000

"Sakura packs a punch." Sai said as he rubbed his head. "Ow!" he was still flying in the air and just waited to start falling. All of a sudden, there was screaming and he looked over to a flying figure heading his way. It was yellow and orange but before he could make out what it was, they smashed into each other. They fell straight down into the dirt and twitched in pain.

"God damn, it was an accident." Naruto moaned.

"Dickless?" Sai asked and Naruto sat up angrily and looked to Sai.

"My name is Naruto!" he shouted angrily holding up a fist. Sai sat up and rubbed his head. There were running footsteps and they looked to Kiba and Akamaru running away from something.

"Naruto I'm going to kill you!" he shouted as he ran by with Akamaru.

"For what?" he shouted back and Sai tapped his shoulder and he turned to look at dozens of dogs running after them with scowling faces.

"Aww geez." He said and the stampede of dogs ran over him and Sai. After the many dogs ran by, they left trails of mud and dirt and who knows what on Sai and Naruto.

"Now why would Kiba want to kill you for that?" Sai asked as he sat up. "Because I will certainly kill you for this." Naruto sat up and looked to Sai.

"I think it's from the book."

"Book?"

"Yep. I found this book and it's a guide to boy girl relationships."

"Why boy girl?" he asked and Naruto lifted his eyebrows. "There are gay relationships also." He was now getting freaked out and backed away slowly. "What?"

"Are you gay?"
"WHAT!" he shouted angrily.

"Well first of all why are you talking about that stuff?"

"I read in a book about gay relationships." Maybe that was the wrong thing to say because Naruto was freaking out even more. Sai then caught on and stood up. "That's now what I meant!"

"Yeah right!"

"Naruto, I'm not gay!" before he could say anything else, Naruto was running. "God damn!"

"That was close." Kiba panted.

"ARF!"

"Hey don't blame me, it was all Naruto's fault!" they were both in a tree near the river all wet. They had to lose their sense of smell so the dogs would go away. "Man I shouldn't have told you that stuff."

"Arf…bark."

"Akamaru don't blame yourself, you wanted that stuff though…"

"BARK!"

"I didn't make fun of you. And besides, those dogs wouldn't have chased us if you didn't hit on their mates."

"BARK BARK BARK!" Akamaru then jumped out of the tree and started to run.

"Akamaru, don't leave, I'm sorry." He shouted as he ran after his dog.

(A/N: This section sounded so much like a fighting couple…moving on.)

Night at the training ground0000000

"NARUTO!"

"Hey, why are you blaming me?"

"You're the one who told me that this was going to work out!" Kiba shouted. "Akamaru is not talking to me anymore." It was silent and Naruto stepped back a bit.

"Kiba, what the hell are you talking about?"

"Akamaru wanted some advice to getting a mate…" he then realized what he just said and then pointed to them both. "You guys are sick!"

"Dude, you made it sound sick!" Naruto shouted back. "Hey…have you guys seen Shikamaru?"

"Not since last night." Sasuke said.

"Well what ever, time for the second lesson." Naruto said as he took out the black book. He set it down and they huddled around.

"Kiba, why are you still here if all that advice was for Akamaru?" Sasuke asked.

"…In case he…wants to go at it again." He said after a few pauses.

"Lesson #2: Making sure she is right for you.

Take a good look at her…I mean real good. Check if she has your impression of the best.

If you get the chance use your chance to get bits of skin onto yours.

"What the hell is that suppose to mean?" they shouted.

"So this is why you hate Naruto." They all looked up to Sai.

"Hey gay guy." Naruto said.

"For the last time I am not gay!" he shouted.

"You guys, it's the middle of the night and you are yelling equals what?" Sasuke scolded and Naruto sat there pondering the question. The rest just ignored him and they looked at the book while explaining to Sai what was happening.

"So you have no skill of obtaining women?"

"I guess you can put it that way." Kiba said.

"I thought you said you were doing this for Akamaru?" Sasuke said and Kiba turned red.

"I am it's just-uh you misunderstand I am perfectly capable of getting a mate it's just."

"Shut up already we get it." Naruto shouted. "And it equals trouble."

"DUH!" they all shouted back.

A/N: Okay I changed the rating cause I just realize that it would be funnier like this. At least that's the advice I got from a friend so I hope it's long enough for you. My brain is like a disincarnated piece of toast…