(A/N: Beware the summary. It has a lot of holes in it.)
"Lockhart,"
Harry fumed, "Of all the people that could've taken charge of
Dangerous Anger, Lockhart."
"Could be worse mate,"
Fred winced, "Suppose if it were Un-a-bridged instead."
Harry, Ron, Ginny, and the twins shuddered.
"Hermione just
can't make good choices," said Ron, wiping his face with an
enchanted napkin.
"That does sounds familiar," Ginny
whispered to Harry, as they noticed Ron had attempted to bite the
napkin and was gagging on it, "Let's just hope the teacher of
Quilling is perfectly sane."
"That wouldn't be our only
issue," Harry blinked as Ron had now attempted to tear the
napkin to pieces to chew it more efficiently.
"Uh oh,"
George winced, "Here comes you know who 'you know
who...'
"VOLDEMORT!" Ron shrieked. He had swallowed the
napkin already and now was looking around wildly, while everyone in
the Great Hall was staring at him, several squinting and covering
their ears.
"You okay Ron?" said Hermione from behind
him worriedly, "You look..." Ron turned around eyes
popping out, "...not sane."
Before Ron could answer, the
doors of the Great Hall bust open, and there stood someone looking
just as sane as Ron.
It was an exact replica of Un-a-bridged,
except looking more healthy, and taller. She seemed to weigh less
too.
"HELLO ALL MY PEOPLE! I AM HERE TO TEACH QUILLING!"
She bellowed, and several students were knocked off their seats as
her voice echoed through the Great Hall, "CAN YOU ALL HEAR
ME?"
"She must've forgotten her hearing aid,"
Dumbledore annouced with a pale face, "Please join us at the
table Professor Umbridge!" Dumbledore yelled weakly.
"WHAT!"
Umbridge bellowed again, and all those who remained still in their
seats either jumped in shock or tumbled to the floor.
Ginny was
one of those who fell hard on the ground, and had the split second to
notice Dumbledore wave his wand sternly. Umbridge was sent flying to
the Head Table.
"That doesn't look like any Umbridge that
much," Ron whimpered, "But either way, she has a way with
threats."
"She's teaching Quilling," Hermione
repeated blankly, "But she's a witch!"
"Duh,"
said Harry.
"I think she can speak normally know... she's
chatting to Dumbledore..." Ginny frowned.
"She probably
really did have a hearing aid," said Hermione replied, "I
have a feeling that she's perfectly sane, just on medications. She's
just as sane as Lockhart," Hermione glowed.
Everyone who
heard her groaned.
"G' morning class,"
Umbridge said as her class walked into her classroom.
"'Mornin',"
a few people mumbled, although she didn't seem to mind.
"As
you know, Quilling is the art of writing. Supposedly, writing and
reading was first created in the Stone Age, when the first witch made
a writing spell to send a curse upon all future generations. However
I disagree. I believe it was created when the world was young, and
there came a species, one that brought pure inspiration to all future
generations. And guess what! I brought to school that very species
today!"
"Really?" Ginny raised her
eyebrows.
"Really, er... Ms. --" Umbridge
blinked.
"...Weasel. And that species would be?" Ginny
stared.
"SHEEP!" Umbridge glowed.
"Yeay!"
Most of her classmates, including herself cheered.
"Sheep,"
Hermione looked agrivated, "A teacher who brings sheep to class!
Who in the world would bring barn animals to school!"
Everyone
dared glance at Ginny Weasel.
"If you can't respect sheep,
I'm sure you won't get to far in my class..."
"What!"
Hermione gasped, frustrated, "Barn animals have nothing to do
with education!"
Umbridge rolled her eyes. However it was Ron
who answered, "It's for inspiration 'Mione, get with the big
picture..."
"I hate barn animals!" Hermione
shrieked as Ginny attempted to hand her a little baby lamb, "Ew!
Gross! Ginny, you don't know where that filthy animals been!"
The class grew silent.
"You're right," Ginny sighed,
"Professor, did you herd these yourself or buy them illegally?
If it's illegal, don't worry we won't tell!"
"Hooray!"
The class continued cheering.
"Ugh," said Hermione, and
that was the only word she muttered until after
class.
"Welcome back Professor!" Hermione
smiled, "To Hogwarts!" Gilderoy Lockhart didn't seem to
hear her and was instead playing with a doorknob.
"Er..."
Hermione frowned, "Take my hand..."
"Ew! Gross!
But I don't know where you've been!"
"Oh please..."
Hermione rolled her eyes, "Just follow me! I er... want
autographs!"
"Really?" Lockhart turned his
attention to her, "Depends... how much?"
"How does
several thousand sound?" Hermione smiled truthfully.
"Ooooooh!
Yeay! I just learned joined-up writing you know! And I think there
was something else you had to tell me... like you had a strange case
of dangerous anger?"
"Uh, no, never mind that. I need
the autographs. Gotta get money, ya know..."
"Excuse
me?"
"Money... for more autograph pictures!"
"Hoorah!"
Lockhart smiled, "I learned the alphabet, wanna hear me sing
it?"
"Uh, actually..." Hermione turned away.
"A,
B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R..." Hermione
stopped listening at D. Two little letters she needed to
practice.
Yes, I agree, this is a very strange chapter. Lockhart hasn't changed much, has he?
Hmm... well, the next chapter will overall, be continuing this one. The DA isn't looking too good... which Lockhart will try to fix. There will be a concert, badgers and mushrooms (inspired by friend), and Bid-Itch practice.
