Kiss of the Phoenix

Chapter 5: I Don't Know if I Can

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: If I said I owned them, I lied.

Author's Note: This one is short, but I feel that it's needed.

She sat on the bed in the cold room, looking at herself in the mirror. She no longer knew the person who looked back at her. She used to look at her reflection and know exactly who she was. She was Bianca Halliwell, wife, daughter, Phoenix. Now, it was this person who had absolutely no idea what she wanted.

She wanted Chris to come back to her. She wanted to be with him. But, at the same time, she didn't want to bring him back and give Wyatt an open invitation to kill him. She knew, deep down in her sole that that's why he wanted her to take his powers. So that he could kill his brother that much faster. But, at the same time, she wanted him to stay where he was; to fix things.

But, what did she really want fixed? She had convinced herself that she had come up with the plan so that when he came back, he had an actual world to come back to. One without the violence, the fear, the corruption. Back to a brother that wasn't a demon.

And those thoughts got her even more confused. She had started noticing the second he started changing. It was little things at first. But then, she saw him orb away in a mass of black orbs and she knew that her Wyatt was gone. And, for the longest time, she had wanted her Wyatt back so much. It consumed most of her thoughts.

The first time she had slept with had Chris, the event that started their affair, she felt like the most horrible person who had ever lived. She still loved Wyatt so completely, with everything that she was. But, she loved her Wyatt, not the monster that she was married to these days. Even after she had fallen in love with Chris, she still wanted to bring Wyatt back.

She had convinced herself that she had come up with the plan so that he could go back, and change Wyatt. So, that when he came back, the 'new' Wyatt would let her go. That's what she had convinced herself what she wanted. She wanted him to let her go. To be free to be with Chris.

But, was that really the reason? Did she just want things to change so that she could be with Chris? Or did she want things to change so that she could get her Wyatt back? She still loved him so much. But, not this one.

She also wanted Chris.

She got up and walked over and in front of the mirror. As if trying to convince herself she could but was failing, she said out loud, "I don't know if I can."