PART 4
STAN: [narrating] My name is Stan Marsh and I'm a nine year old fourth grader in South Park Elementary. If you're questioning how this war broke out to begin with, well here's this; a few weeks ago, an internet troll known as Skankhunt42 started harassing girls on the school message board and later the entire internet. The girls all thought every boy here was to blame (which sounds fucking stupid) and so they decided to band together to protest against the male population, and it wasn't long until the boys began doing the same thing during the girls' volleyball game. Right now, I'm completely stuck.
[The scene cuts to Stan in his bed at night, lost in thought]
STAN: [narrating] We've tried everything to make things better for our school with my girlfriend, Wendy and my best friend, Kyle, yet, nothing had worked. And if this goes on, it could lead to severe consequences in our school. Oh and if any of you think that I've actually been trolling women on the internet, then you're just being a fucking retard. [speaking] Jesus Christ, what can I really do to makes things better already? [he becomes tired and soon falls asleep]
[Stan's dream. Stan slowly wakes up to find himself floating on a raft in a nearby river. He gets off the raft, leaves the river and walks around South Park which is covered in mist and devoid of any people. As he wanders around, he hears a voice]
VOICE: Hello there, Stan!
[Stan turns around and discovers that the voice belongs to Chef, who is waving at him by his house nearby]
STAN: Chef? Chef! [he runs up to Chef and hugs him tightly]
CHEF: Come on in, Stanley. I'll make you some hot cocoa while you're at it.
[Chef's living room, Stan and Chef are both sitting on the couch]
CHEF: So what seems to be troubling you now, children?
STAN: Chef, I have this really big problem going around recently.
CHEF: Yes?
STAN: Well… there's this troll going around, harassing the girls on the school message board and now they're really mad at us because they think we're the culprits; every single boy in this school.
CHEF: Why would the girls think that?
STAN: Because since this troll is anonymous, Nelly said that troll spoke for all of the boys and made all the other girls think the same, apart from my girlfriend, of course. L-look, what I'm saying is that there's now a war going on between the boys and the girls in school, all because of that internet troll and I just want to ask how could I make things better for everyone? We tried everything; first we smashed Cartman's electronics and turned out it wasn't him, then I tried to get the boys to attend the girls' volleyball game and then Clyde began taking his wiener out-
CHEF: He did what?
STAN: Yeah, that. What can I do? Anything, to get the boys and girls together again and put a stop to all this trolling going on?
CHEF: There's only one solution to all of this, Stanley.
STAN: Yeah?
CHEF: If you want the boys and girls to be together again, then they've gotta work together.
STAN: Work together?
CHEF: Exactly; we always solve our problems when we work together.
STAN: But like how exactly?
CHEF: Well, many things; like a fundraiser maybe or anything that boys and girls like doing together. Tell you what, let me sing you a little song about it and see if that could help.
STAN: Okay.
CHEF: [singing] Let's come together as a school…
We can work together, hand in hand,
To make the whole world understand that,
We all came together as a school…
Put our differences aside,
Feeling hope now, feeling pride,
No more fighting, it's time for something new,
So let's make sweet love right now, woman!
Make sweet love now!
CHEF: Now do you understand?
STAN: Yep, I do now. Working together? Now that could just might work! [he leaves Chef's house] Thanks, Chef!
CHEF: See ya', children! And don't forget, we still have the summer fair to look forward to!
[End of Stan's dream]
[Stan's room, morning. Stan wakes up and thinks about what Chef has said and how he can make boys and girls get together]
STAN: I know exactly what to do! I've gotta ask Wendy about this, she'll understand.
[Stan gets out of bed, changes into his normal clothes and attempts to go downstairs, but Shelly blocks him]
SHELLY: I know what you've been up to, turd!
STAN: Get outta the way, Shelly. I wanna go talk to someone.
SHELLY: Not until you explain this! [she shows Stan her phone with something on it] Why is there a picture of mom with a dick in her mouth?!
STAN: Yeah, yeah. I'm dealing with that now, Shelly. Now can you please move already?
[Stan moves around Shelly and runs downstairs and exists the front door]
[Wendy's house. Stan runs up to the front door and knocks on it. Meanwhile, Wendy is in her room, planning out something when her mom calls her]
MARY (WENDY'S MOM): Wendy, someone's at the door!
WENDY: Okay, mom! I'll get it!
[she leaves her room and goes downstairs to her living room. She then opens the front door to reveal Stan there]
WENDY: Oh, hi Stan.
[Moments later, Stan and Wendy are sitting on the couch in Wendy's living room]
STAN: Wendy, I've just had this great idea on how to put a stop to internet trolling in school.
WENDY: Sure, what?
STAN: Well, if we wanna get the boys and girls together, then they'll have to work together!
WENDY: Work together? Yeah, I was thinking about that too. It's the only way to put a stop to all of this.
STAN: But how will we get all the kids to work together though?
WENDY: Well first, we all need to talk to each other. The boys and girls haven't spoken to each other that much since that whole breakup scheme.
STAN: But that's the thing; how? We tried everything! [Stan and Wendy think about this for a moment, until Stan breaks the silence] I've got it! I know what we can do together!
[South Park Elementary playground, next morning. The boys and girls are yelling at each other as Nelly and Clyde are about to fight each other]
JASON: Hit her!
DOUGLAS: Stupid girls!
FRANCIS: Hit her man!
BRIMMY: They broke our hearts!
NATE: Girls suck!
JENNY: Kick his ass, Nelly!
RED: All boys should die!
THERESA: They harassed us online!
ANNIE: Gross boys!
LOLA: Take him out!
MILLIE: Yeah, take him out!
NELLY: [to Clyde] I don't care if you're a boy, I'm gonna kick your ass!
CLYDE: [already has his jacket and shirt taken off] Anytime anywhere, skank.
BOYS: Yeah!
NELLY: Come on already, my hands are getting cold!
CLYDE: Why? You're afraid to fight me like a man? [begins flexing] Yeah, I know you like that.
CRAIG: Clyde, I wouldn't.
TOKEN: Kick her ass already, Clyde! She called you stupid!
BEBE: He is stupid, look at him!
JIMMY: Come on f-fellas, it could be w-w-worse; at least he's not a zzzzitty-faced g-girl.
BOYS: Yeah!
TIMMY: Timmy! T-Timmy?
RED: We'll show you what a zitty-faced girl can do!
STAN: [far off in the distance] Everyone, stop! [walks from the girls side of the fight to the in between Nelly and Clyde and spreads his arms] Hey hey hey! Whoa, guys! Guys! [crowd stops yelling] Come on, hasn't this gone on long enough? Aren't we tired of being so divided at school? You know I am!
ANNIE: Get outta here, Stan! No one wants to hear it!
RED: Yeah, everyone knows you started this whole thing!
WENDY: Hey! That's enough! [walks from the boys side of the fight, next to Stan] Stan is just trying to help [spreads her arms] and you guys call him names?! [talks to Stan] Sorry, babe, I had to step in.
STAN: It's okay, Wendy.
[Stan and Wendy kiss each other and causing the others to be flabbergasted]
TOKEN: Stan?
LOLA: W-Wendy?!
JENNY: [faints]
NELLY: Impossible! We all broke up with these boys! Why are you still together with that stupid scoundrel?!
WENDY: He's not the stupid one; you all are!
[The girls and boys mutter amongst themselves]
STAN: That's right! Wendy has been really hurt by all of this, you guys. And I think it's time for us to all try to come together, as a school.
LOLA: Why? This whole mess was the boys' fault! They were trolling us online and taking their wieners out to spite us!
BUTTERS: Hey, no it's not! The girls started it! They broke our hearts and shamed us for being boys!
ANNIE: Come on gang, maybe we should teach the boys a lesson!
GIRLS: Yeah!
STAN: Guys, just stop! Okay? This whole fighting isn't gonna get us anywhere! Boys and girls… need to work together!
[Everyone is stunned by this suggestion]
NELLY: We don't wanna work with gross boys!
CLYDE: Well, we don't wanna work with stupid girls either!
STAN: L-look! I don't care if you guys wanna be at each other's throats and kill each other, but if we keep this up, it's gonna be bad for all of us in this school. Both boys and girls need communication and education to live on and achieve things. So, what do you all say?
BUTTERS: Well, I'd say it's worth a shot.
ESTHER: Yeah, me too.
BEBE: I agree.
CRAIG: I have my doubts about this, but it's worth a shot.
[Principal Victoria, Mr. Mackey and Mr. Adler walk up to the playground to see the commotion going on]
VICTORIA: Don't mind me asking, but why are you all here?
WENDY: We're all gonna work together and put an end to internet trolling. Me and Stan will arrange an assembly later on to discuss about this.
ADLER: Well it's about time something decided to take action on this.
MACKEY: I agree, m'kay.
[ , day. A camera zooms into it. Lennart Bedrager dances into view]
BEDRAGER: Hello. Are you tired of hate speech? Are you sick of sexism and-a bigotry? Then please, help the Danish put an end to trolls.
DANES: Tjing tjang tjing nutillej.
BEDRAGER: Right now, the people of Denmark are working on a biometric computer superstructure which will allow people all around the world to identify the trolls in their communities.
DANES: Tjing tjang tjing nutillej.
BEDRAGER: But to make this dream into a reality, we still need your donations. We are just a few million kroners away, so please donate via the social media of your choice.
DANES: [four windows open and some Danes sing out] Tjing tjang tjing nutillej.
BEDRAGER: Just imagine it, knowing who said what on the Internet.
DANE 1: The whole world will be-a peaceful and happy.
DANE 2: Like-a here, in Denmark.
DANE 3: Help fund our project on social media today!
DANES: Together, we will rid the world of trolls. Tjing tjang lu, Tjing tjang lu, Tjing tjang tjing nutillej!
[The darkened room from last episode. The trolls are gathered there again to plan their next move]
DICK: Fellow trolls, we have gathered together because our anonymity is being threatened. Individually, we are some of the most notorious trolls in Colorado. We must now find a way to unite. Each one of us has the power to make message boards go haywire, The power to make individuals buckle and fall. Imagine if we use those skills against a common enemy.
TROLL 2: They have an entire government at their disposal.
DICK: And we... have Skankhunt42.
GERALD: [sighs] It's Gerald. Alright?
DICK: I believe that he... is the key to stopping all this.
[South Park Elementary Gym, day. Mr. Mackey is holding an assembly]
MACKEY: Alright, students. Uh, listen up. So, this school is falling apart, and it needs to stop, m'kay. Boys are harassing girls, and girls are stereotyping boys as evil bigots who troll people on the internet. Seriously though, who in fuckery came up with that idea? Anywho, I've asked for some ideas and a couple of students want to try and help, m'kay. Please welcome our student body president, Wendy Testaburger and Stan Marsh.
[Stan and Wendy come up]
WENDY: Hey guys. [students remain silent] So as you all know, we have a lot of problems facing our school right now and no one's doing anything to stop it.
STAN: Well, Wendy here's come up with a pretty cool idea.
WENDY: Yeah, thanks, Stan. I was just gonna get into that.
STAN: Sorry.
WENDY: Okay, so I don't know if you guys have heard, but right now, Denmark is trying to make trolling a thing of the past. They're asking for help, and I thought "why not a school fundraiser?"
CLYDE: [looks both sides] Wait, Denmark? What have they got to do with it?
JIMMY: S-s-search me.
STAN: Yeah, that's right. Tomorrow, we'll be going to each individual class with more information. And after that...
WENDY: Then we should all come together as a school.
BUTTERS: A fundraiser? Uh, I'd like the sound of that. What do you think, Clyde?
CLYDE: [looks away, skeptical] Yeah…
[South Park Elementary hallway, Cartman is standing by his locker when Heidi walks up to him]
HEIDI: Hey, Eric.
CARTMAN: [snaps from his trance] Gah! Oh. Hey, Heidi.
HEIDI: Stan and Wendy are finding a way to get the boys and girls together again and stop internet trolling! Aren't you excited?
CARTMAN: Oh, what? These two hippies, why?
HEIDI: You know, the gender war and all that? Wendy said that we should do a fundraiser to help Denmark stop trolling.
CARTMAN: Yeah, yeah. Very exciting. Wait, Denmark? What've they gotta do with- [he thinks for a moment and then gets an idea] You know what; forget the war that's going it, that whole thing's stupid. If this whole fundraiser thing goes well, then we can raise enough money to pay for my stuff… I mean, for Denmark, of course.
HEIDI: You'd really do that, Eric?
CARTMAN: [clenched] Yeah… sure…
HEIDI: Cool! See you later. [she walks away. Seconds later, Craig walks up and just witnessed Cartman talking to Heidi]
CRAIG: Cartman, were you talking to Heidi just now?
CARTMAN: Huh? No, Craig. You were just hallucinating again.
CRAIG: Dude, I just saw you talking to Heidi just now. Are you in a relationship with her now or something?
CARTMAN: No! Don't be stupid, Craig! I would never go out with a dirty, backstabbing whore. Once this fundraiser lifts off, that money will go directly to all my stuff that Stan and Kyle had fucking smashed up in front of my face! And Heidi's gonna help me. After all, we both left Twitter, that makes us partners now. [he walks off, leaving Craig confused and stunned]
CRAIG: Okay, that was just weird.
[School cafeteria, Stan and Wendy walk up to Chef in the same place the boys usually meet him]
CHEF: Hello there, children.
STAN AND WENDY: Hey, Chef!
STAN: Chef, do you know if you have the right ingredients for Danishes?
CHEF: Why's that?
STAN: Because me and Wendy are holding a fundraiser to help Denmark stop internet trolling happening in our school. It's been going on for too long.
CHEF: Oh yes, I remember now! You know, it's really nice that you two still care for each other even after everything that had happened the past few weeks. Sure, I'll see if I do have the stuff ready for your little fundraiser. [he leaves the couple and heads to his kitchen]
STAN: Wendy. After everything that we've been though, I'd say this might be the greatest act of kindness you've ever brought to this school.
WENDY: Really?
STAN: Yeah! I think this will definitely make up for that whole gender war crap, we really can make a change together.
[Chef returns]
CHEF: Well you're in luck, children. You might have all the stuff you need to make Danishes for your fundraiser tomorrow.
STAN: Killer! Thanks, Chef! [he and Wendy leave the cafeteria]
CHEF: Oh and remember; we always solve our problems when we work together!
[The Airport Hilton. A concierge walks the hallways, humming to himself, and stops by a private conference: "Rape Victims Anonymous"]
ANDREW: [knocks on the door]
ANONYMOUS821: What do you want? Go away.
ANDREW: Hey, just checking to see if you needed any more refreshments for the conference room?
ANONYMOUS821: We're fine. We don't need anything.
TROLL: [within the room] Some more creamer?
ANONYMOUS821: Just some more creamer.
ANDREW: Alright, well, I just wanna say "thanks for choosing the-" [the troll shuts the door]
ANONYMOUS821: Okay, we're clear again.
DICK: You were saying, Skankhunt?
GERALD: Alright, look. How do you troll somebody?
TROLL 4: Say really fucked up shit and make them quit social media?
GERALD: No, no, no, it's not about one person. It's about pushing people's buttons so that they'll react in a way that pushes other people's buttons. Look, you don't just troll a woman with cancer to get a reaction from her, it's all about the group of people that are gonna come to her defense. They're gonna be so self-righteous that another group of people will eventually find those people totally annoying. You're just setting them against each other. It's like the fission reaction that sets off the fusion explosion. The Internet does it all, and you just sit back with your glass of wine and laugh.
ANONYMOUS821: Wow... that seems kind of... mean.
GERALD: It's not mean if it's hilarious.
DICK: If we all worked with you, Skank, could we do it? Could we troll an entire country?
GERALD: If we all worked together? Maybe. [makes a fist with his left hand] Maybe.
[South Park Elementary, day. Mr. Garrison's class; however all of the students at his class are only boys]
GARRISON: Alright, students. So today, Wendy Testaburger has a very important announcement to make.
CLYDE: Boooo! [Mr. Garrison glares at him and Clyde falls silent]
WENDY: Thanks, Mr. Garrison. Hey guys. Today we're going to start our school fundraiser. It's an idea I came up with called "Danishes for Denmark." We need everyone to do their part, so later on in the cafeteria, we are all gonna need to bake as much Danish pastries as we can and sell them to help Denmark put a stop to internet trolls that are attacking our society.
CARTMAN: [quietly] And that money goes directly to my broken stuff.
GARRISON: Yeah, Wendy, I have a question? Uh, what in fuckery does Denmark have to do with trolling?
WENDY: Because- ugh, because Denmark had recently launched a website called Trolltrace which can track down any internet troll from all over the country and wipe them out from social media. If this fundraiser goes well, then we can learn to put all our differences aside and see that boys and girls can truly work together well.
GARRISON: Sounds pretty retarded if you ask me, but what the hell.
[The Broflovski house, day. Gerald and Dick arrive and go inside. They carry with them keyboards, computers, cables...]
GERALD: Okay, come on. Office is upstairs. [they run into Sheila] Oh, hi honey.
SHEILA: Gerald, you're back from your convention?
GERALD: Yeah, it went really well. This is uh, my IT guy. Gonna help me get my office computers set back up.
SHEILA: Well, can I make you guys somethin' to eat?
GERALD: Don't worry about us, hon. Lots of work to do. Love you so much! [he and Dick go on upstairs.] Ike, no Internet tonight. We need all the bandwidth we can get. Say hi to Dildo Shwaggins.
DICK: Hello. [Gerald closes the door]
[Gerald's home office. Gerald and Dick sit on the floor putting the computers back in place]
DICK: I gotta hand it to you, Gerald. You have a really nice home, nice family.
GERALD: Yeah? Well now you see I have a lot to lose if they find out who I am.
DICK: And who is that, your wife?
GERALD: What? No!
DICK: I've studied your work. You're so good at lashing out at the system. Bringing people down off their high horses. Why do you do it?
GERALD: I told you, it's just funny to me. I do it for the lulz. Laugh out loud, I mean.
DICK: I don't believe that. I think there's more to Skankhunt. When I was in school, kids teased me. Called me "midget," even though I'm not. My mother was a little person, but she actually married a guy who had gigantism syndrome. She thought, if she was a little person and had a baby with a giant, I would come out normal. [Gerald stifles a laugh] We can't let these Danish pricks take our online lives, Skank. For some of us... it's all we have.
[The school cafeteria, day. A banner over the kitchen entrance reads "SCHOOL FUNDRAISER. LET'S ALL WORK TOGETHER." All the kids are making Danishes and Chef supervises it all]
STAN, WENDY & CHEF: Let's come together as a school!
STAN: We can work together hand in hand to make the whole world understand that,
STAN, WENDY & CHEF: We came together as a school!
WENDY: Put our difference aside, feeling hope now feeling pride.
CHEF: No more fighting,
STAN & CHEF: It's time for something new.
STAN & WENDY: Let's come together as a school!
[During the song, the following things are seen: Two kids come up to get some trays with freshly backed Danishes on them, Pip and Brimmy hand them the trays. Kyle, Kenny, and Millie spread frosting on the Danishes. Butters and Nelly do the same at another table. Red passes by. Nichole and Tolkien prepare the batter, as do Tweek and Esther. Clyde and Bebe pack the Danishes up and hand them to Nelly, then move on to the next box. By the time the song ends, the kids look tired. Annie, Craig, Kevin, and Jenny are putting frosting on their Danishes]
WENDY: I really feel like this is the start of something new! We're gonna help Denmark, and Denmark is gonna put an end to trolls.
STAN: And then maybe everyone can finally be as happy as we are.
STAN & WENDY: Let's come together as a school!
STAN: Make sweet love now!
[The trolls are in their own homes now]
DICK: Test, test, 1, 2. This is Dildo Shwaggins. We are ready to commence the trashing of Denmark. All trolls report in.
PURPLEHEADERQUEEFLICKER: PurpleheadedQueeflicker standing by.
CHE GAMORRAH: Che Gamorrah standing by.
MLKKK: MLKKK and I'm ready.
SUPERSEXYLISA18: SuperSexyLisa18 standing by.
YOURMOMSTITS: YourMomsTits standing by.
GERALD: Skankhunt42 standing by.
DICK: Okay. everyone follow Skankhunt's lead. Don't get distracted, we are only trolling Denmark.
GERALD: Alright, engaging Twitter... now! Prepare for overreaction on my mark. 3... 2... Mark.
[South Park Elementary cafeteria. Stan is currently counting all the boxes of Danishes the kids had baked. Some of them are with him]
STAN: Let's see, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5… yeah, I think that'd be enough for our fundraiser.
CLYDE: [incredulous] You really think that's gonna work, Stan?
STAN: Well, we have to do this to help Denmark. Besides, it's better than what you were doing before. [turns to Timmy] Okay, Timmy. I need you and Clyde to go to every house and tell them about our fundraiser to stop trolling. Got it?
TIMMY: Timmy!
STAN: Good.
[Timmy leaves with a wagon of Danish pastries attached to his wheelchair, Clyde sees that he'd already went and runs after him]
CLYDE: What the? Damnit, Timmy! Wait for me!
[The Broflovski house. Gerald is in bed, sleeping. Dick knocks on his bedroom door and Gerald wakes up. He checks for Sheila, but she's not in bed. He gets up to answer the door, and Dick shows him the latest headline: DENMARK IN TURMOIL!]
DICK: It's started! [smiles. Gerald smiles back, then grins]
[The living room. Gerald and Dick run down to the sofa and take seats]
GERALD: Did they pick it up on Yahoo?
DICK: Don't know, but Google has it as the number one story.
GERALD: Oh, shit! Go to, go to Huffington!
DICK: Where's that?
GERALD Eh, I- I don't know.
BILL KEEGAN: Millions of people took to the Internet last night after shocking claims were made about the Danish company LEGO and their ties to ISIS.
GERALD: Oh yes! This is CNN front page right now.
CNN ANCHOR: It now appears the country of Denmark was the victim of a massive troll. The country is still reeling from the LEGO hoax story.
BILL KEEGAN: Tom, by the time the hoax was revealed the damage had already been done. Millions of people got on the anti-Denmark bandwagon, and when millions more came in to support Denmark, hundreds of millions more got on the anti-Denmark bandwagon.
DICK: We did it! We did it! [Kyle appears at the top of the stairs] Woohoo! Booyah!
GERALD: Oh, Kyle! Ahh, hey, I didn't think you'd be leaving yet.
KYLE: I have a fundraiser at school. Stan said-
GERALD: Well, did you see what was all over the Internet? Everyone's ripping on LEGOs.
KYLE: What?! But I love LEGO!
GERALD: Yeah, now the whole world is blowing up with Danish jokes. It's hilarious.
[Kyle can't believe what he's hearing]
DICK: The Guardian has a bunch of stories up about how the Denmark government isn't responding to even interview requests.
GERALD: Wow, fuck Denmark, huh Kyle? That's gotta be what just about everyone is thinking now. Fuck Denmark. [Dick grins]
[South Park. A man opens the door at his house and finds Clyde and Timmy there]
CLYDE: Uh, hi. We're doing a fundraiser to help Denmark stop internet trolling. Care for a Danish pastry?
MAN: Pfft, ha! Fuck Demark, Denmark is stupid! [he shuts the door]
CLYDE: What the? Ah, screw him anyways. Let's try the next house, Timmy.
TIMMY: Timmy!
[The two boys go to the next house, but they keep getting the same answer]
CLYDE: Oh, Jesus Christ…
TIMMY: Timmy?
CLYDE: Nah, it's okay, Timmy. I'm sure there's someone out there that would help.
TIMMY: Livin' a lie, Timmy! [they go to the next house]
[ , day. Its executives run inside the building for an emergency meeting]
DANE 2: Sir, public opinion of Denmark is-a very very shit.
DANE 3: All our social media pages are-a filled with million and millions of-a horrible comments.
DANE 4: And our crowd-funding sites are taken over too.
DANE 5: Everyone is making fun of us like we were goofballs.
DANE 6: How could-a this-a happen?
LENNART: Because that's what trolls DO! I should have known that once they got wind of our little plan, they would start trolling us!
DANE 7: So then Denmark isn't funding ISIS?
LENNART: Tch! Of course not!
DANE 1: But-a how do we prove that to the rest of-a the world?
LENNART: We can't respond, it will only make the trolls stronger! Our only choice is to go offline.
DANE 5: You mean we have to quit Twitter?
LENNART: Everything, you ignoramus! The only way to stop the bleeding is for Denmark to get off social media! Pokkers Du Trold!
[South Park Elementary, day. In front of the school, the kids have set up their Danishes for Denmark stand. Some of the kids are dressed in what appears to be Danish outfits]
WENDY: Hello. [a car rolls by] Buy a Danish to help stop trolling? How come nobody's stopping? Maybe this was a terrible idea.
STAN: No, no! It was a great idea, Wendy. Just give it some more time. [spots another car driving by] Hey! Hey, buy a Danish for Denmark? Our school's going out of control. Goddamnit, why isn't anyone stopping?
CRAIG: Oh that's easy; you're just not shouting hard enough, you're supposed to do it like this. [he spies another car driving by] Hey asshole! You wanna buy a Danish for Denmark or what?!
DRIVER: Heheh, fuck Denmark.
CRAIG: Fuck Denmark? W-what the hell's all this?
[At that moment, Clyde runs up with his boxes and throws then down, followed by Timmy]
CLYDE: [frustrated] That does it! I am through with your stupid crap! Every house we've been to just rips on us and says Denmark is stupid!
TIMMY: [downcast] Timmy…
STAN: What? But… Denmark- Th-they-
KYLE: [arriving] It's true, dude. Denmark got trolled last night. They left social media.
STAN: Holy shit, dude…
WENDY: Then, all of this was... for nothing.
BUTTERS: Well, at least we all-
CLYDE: I told you, Timmy! This is what you get for working with a bunch of stupid girls!
NELLY: How is this our fault?! At least we actually did the work!
DOGPOO: Oh yeah? You guys fucked up all the frosting!
ANNIE: You assholes overcooked them! [the kids begin to argue with each other]
CRAIG: [fed up with their bickering, angrily throws his Danish hat to the ground and storms off. Pip follows him while Timmy quietly leaves as well]
WENDY: Oh no, this was a terrible idea! [leaves the booth]
STAN: Wendy! [he runs after her]
[The side of the school, moments later. Wendy reaches a tree and sobs on it a little. Stan catches up to her, concerned]
WENDY: I'm so stupid!
STAN: Wendy, don't say that! This is not like you at all!
WENDY: Why did I even think I could bring the boys and girls together again with that stupid fundraiser idea of mine? Everything's hopeless.
STAN: Because you're my girlfriend, Wendy and one of the smartest, if not the smartest student in our school. It's not like you were elected as our school president for nothing, you know. You tried your best, we all did.
WENDY: [cheering up a little] So, what can we do now? I don't wanna be singled out by the other girls forever you know.
STAN: Me neither, I think that somehow... trolling is playing a bigger part in this than anyone even realizes. [He then notices Kyle walking pass them, he'd failed to calm the students down]
KYLE: You guys okay?
STAN: Yeah… er, well, not really. Kyle, I really need your help with this. Is there any other way we can expose who this Skankhunt person is?
KYLE: Oh, I don't know. There's nothing I can do about it at the moment. You're just gotta think this through yourself I suppose. [he walks away from the two]
STAN: But Kyle, wait!
KYLE: I'm sorry! [Stan becomes upset once again]
[ . Lennart Bedrager sits in the conference room alone]
DANE 2: Sir! We got a message from overseas. You really should see it.
LENNART: A message how? We're completely offline.
DANE 2: This was sent on VHS. Whoever sent it is-a completely offline too.
LENNART: More like recorded it online and put it on tape. Eh, what the heck? Put it on the screen. [A video pops up, showing Wendy filming herself in her room]
WENDY: Hey, is this thing on? I don't know if I could- Oh! Hello, people of Denmark, I know that you've been the victim of trolling recently. So have we in our town right now. Maybe we can help.
LENNART: Who this hell is that girl?
DANE 2: Just listen.
LENNART: Very well, how so?
WENDY: For weeks, we've been trying to figure out who this Skankhunt42 troll is. He has been harassing the girls on our school message board and now a war has broken out in our school. But… I have an idea. I might be able to figure out the source of who trolled you last night.
LENNART: Get everyone back inside. If this Colorado girl really can crack the code, we might have another shot here. [the other Dane goes away]
[Testaburger residence, living room. Stan is sitting on the couch, lost in thought once again]
WENDY: [walks up to him] Stan? What's the matter? What are you thinking about, Babe?
STAN: [breaks out from his trance] Huh? Oh, just thinking about how much we could accomplish if... people weren't so close-minded.
WENDY: You're worried about him again, aren't you? Your friend, Kyle?
STAN: No! [sighs] Okay, yes. I am.
WENDY: Then talk to him. Tell him what we're doing. Maybe you can get him back.
STAN: Why should I? Kyle isn't interested in helping out and solving clues anymore, all he wants to do now is join in other people's bullshit and committing indecent exposure. I can't believe Clyde got the best of him.
WENDY: Stan, do you really want this war to end or not?
STAN: [thinks for a bit] You're right. You're right, Wendy. Come on, let's go and see him. [the pair leave Wendy's house]
[Broflovski residence. Stan and Wendy approach Kyle's door and Stan knocks on it. Kyle answers it, seconds later]
STAN: Hey, Kyle.
KYLE: Hey, Stan. W-what do you want?
STAN: We need to talk, Kyle.
[Broflovski residence, moments later. Stan, Kyle and Wendy are all in the living room on the couch]
KYLE: Look, Stan. I don't know what to do about this whole thing, okay? I just want to be alone with my thoughts.
WENDY: Kyle, Stan really cares about you. He feels like he's losing you and he's really upset.
KYLE: Why? As of now, he hasn't done anything to stop the trolling going on in our school and Clyde's back to showing his wiener out again to the girls.
STAN: [gets off the couch and walks around for a bit] I remember not that long ago, Kyle, when you told me, that you were going to help me prove who the troll was no matter what. Do you remember that, Kyle? Where's that Kyle?
KYLE: [looks down] I have to stay with my group, Stan. I'm sorry.
STAN: Dude, how far have you sunken? I mean being in groups is great; you get to gang up and smash people's stuff, pull up your wiener in the cafeteria…
KYLE: I- I didn't know what I was-
STAN: I wonder what the old Kyle say about this Kyle. I wonder if old Kyle would be pretty disgusted right now by who he's become.
KYLE: [sighs] You're right, Stan. God, I'm so sorry. I've just been acting like an angsty jerk ever since this whole trolling thing began.
STAN: No sweat, there's still a bit of hope left. Wendy's been working with Denmark now, Kyle. I want to show you what she's done. It's gonna change the way you think.
KYLE: How so?
WENDY: Here, come with me. [the three leave Kyle's house and to Wendy's house]
[Testaburger residence. Stan, Wendy and Kyle walk near Wendy's room. She blocks the door before they go in]
WENDY: Okay, Kyle. Before you go in, this is gonna seem a little weird to you, okay?
KYLE: Sure. Uh, what is?
WENDY: When the girls were plotting their attack against the boys, I was trying to prove who our school message board troll was.
KYLE: Really? Why I didn't I think of that before?
WENDY: Before I stopped searching, I learned something. [opens her door] Take a look.
[Stan, Kyle and Wendy enter her room. Kyle walks closer to Heidi's wall to his shock]
KYLE: Whoa… What is all this?
WENDY: See, to try and prove who the troll was, I started to look for patterns in how students used emojis; then I crossed-referenced that with the troll's writing. I call it "emoji analysis". People can hide behind a fake name, but the way they use emojis gives them away.
KYLE: Wow, that's pretty smart. Why didn't I think of that?
STAN: You already said that, Kyle.
KYLE: [rolls eyes] Yeah, I know.
WENDY: After I had eliminated nearly every student, I have started to realize that the troll's emojis were more archaic and less elegant than the average kid's. That's when I realized it; whoever Skankhunt42 is on the school message boards, it isn't a student, it's an adult.
STAN: An adult? You mean like one of the teachers? You know, I've always had a suspicion that it could've been Mr. Garrison.
WENDY: Well, I thought so too. I think... it's one of the parents.
KYLE: Are you sure?
WENDY: Quite certain. I had enough examples of the teachers' texts and emails to do an emoji analysis, they were much more in lines with Skankhunt's, but still not a match.
KYLE: Emoji analysis, it's genius!
STAN: It is?
KYLE: [turns to Stan] Stan, you better show this to Clyde! This here proves that none of us boys were trolling women online.
STAN: Why would I wanna show this to him of all people? He's already had enough problems with girls as it is.
KYLE: Because, when he sees proof that Skankhunt is not him, then he'll stop with this whole dick-flashing nonsense! This is our only chance in saving our school and stopping the gender war! Have you got that?
STAN: Okay, okay. I'll see what I can do. [he takes out his phone and starts taking pictures of Wendy's emoji analysis board while Kyle talks with Wendy]
KYLE: Wendy, what would I've done without you?
WENDY: Well maybe join in with the other boys in the gender war forever. I really don't know what Nelly's next plans are for their boys protest.
KYLE: Why can't you just go and talk to her? Tell her that she needs to stop.
WENDY: The girls see me as a traitor now, they're done listening to me.
KYLE: But Wendy, this is perfect! The girls wanted to see proof who the troll is, well here's there answer. I'm sure that there are some girls who've grown tired of this war by now, maybe that fundraiser might've changed some of their perspectives on us boys.
WENDY: I really doubt that, but we'll see.
[The Broflovski residence. Gerald is at his office trolling people]
GERALD: [repeatedly clicks on keyboard and talks softly] Ha ha, yeah. I'm yours, bitch. Ha ha. [speaks louder]. Suck it! [moves the mouse] How about a dick in your mouth?! There you go! Ha ha, ha ha ha ha. [notices the door bell ringing] Aw! [walks to the front door, and opens it]
TROLLS: Hi, Skankhunt!
GERALD: [gets shocked] Ah! [tries looking behind him] What are you guys doing here?!
DICK: We came to celebrate!
PURPLEHEADEDQUEEFLICKER: Not everyday you troll a whole country.
ANONYMOUS821: [showed a case of John Adams beer] We brought some beer. Let's have a trolling party.
[The trolls have sat down and laughed each other, all completely wasted by the beer]
PURPLEHEADEDQUEEFLICKER: W-we did it, we fucking did it!
DICK: I think if anything, we proved that trolls really can have an effect on the world.
TROLLS: Yeah! Booyah! Fuck yeah, bro!
TROLL 7: You- y-you said it, bud!
SUPERSEXYLISA18: Thanks to us!
DICK: And I think on the next one, [raises his beer] we're only gonna get- b-better.
TROLL 4: No- n-no doubt about it! *hic*
GERALD: Wh-what are you talking about "next one"?
DICK: Sk-skank- Skank… l-listen to me and listen r-real good… we got an entire country to sign off social media and... stop what they were doing. Imagine what effect we can have on the rest of the world?
ANONYMOUS821: We're like super-trolls who could change anything.
GERALD: Y-yeah! Totally! Who's up for more S'more Schnapps? Huh?
TROLLS: Yeah! Totally!
[Donovan residence, Clyde hears someone answering the doorbell and opens to door, only to find Stan with a roll of paper with him]
CLYDE: What the? Stan, what the hell do you want now?!
STAN: Clyde! I need to show you something really important. You know how all the girls in school were blaming all of us boys for trolling them online, staged a mass breakup and began this whole gender war crap?
CLYDE: Uh, I don't know, Stan.
STAN: Well, this sheet here shows proof that none of us boys were Skankhunt, it's something Wendy came up with called emoji analysis. You don't have to go through with this indecent exposure thing anymore, we can make a change together!
CLYDE: NO! I'm not doing anything for you! You're a traitor!
STAN: A traitor?
CLYDE: Yeah, you heard me! Boys and girls are at war right now, but you go and kiss your little girlfriend's ass! Whatever happened to sticking with your kind?!
STAN: Sticking with my kind? Dude, I had this great idea on how to get all of us together and then you came and made every boy take their dicks out!
CLYDE: Because girls drove us into taking our dicks out, dumbass! It's a sign for our rights! If anyone else should be standing up for their gender rights, it should be you! But no, you got your bitchy little girlfriend, Wendy pulling your strings as usual!
STAN: [furious] Don't you ever call her that, Clyde! I really like her! She didn't wanna go through with her kind either!
CLYDE: Oh God, listen to you! [mimics his last sentence] "Don't you ever call her that, Clyde! I really like her! She didn't wanna go through with her kind either!" You've blew it, Stan! You've really blew it for us! Now get the fuck out of my house!
[Stan is taken aback, he walks out the door. Clyde slams it closed behind him before he could say anything else]
ROGER: [arriving after hearing the commotion] Clyde, who was that?
CLYDE: Uh… just forget, dad. It's just something on my mind.
[Donovan residence, outside. Stan walks away from Clyde's house, annoyed]
STAN: Oh, goddamnit…
TO BE CONTINUED…
