Dessie barely killed the engine of his car when he jumped out, taking off down the street to Catherine's. By the time he made it to the front gate, Jimmy was on his way out. He grabbed Jimmy by the collar of his coat, slamming him against a random car.
"I fuckin' told you to stay away from her! Why can't you get that through your thick skull?"
Jimmy could only chuckle, finding Dessie's attempt to assert dominance pathetic at best.
"Catherine and I were just talki-"
Hearing the syllables of her name roll off his tongue snapped Dessie. Letting go of Jimmy's coat, he cocked his fist back and punched him square in the nose. Jimmy's brain turned to static as the pain fried the nerves in his face. The feeling of a thousand pin-pricks tingled his cheeks with every beat of his heart. Instantly his eyes watered, and the warmth of blood dripping over his mouth followed.
If it hadn't been for the half bottle of scotch numbing his senses, Jimmy would have passed out. He was man enough to admit Dessie could throw one hell of a punch.
"Consider that your only warnin'. The next time you come here, I'll fuckin' kill ya."
Jimmy hawked a blood clot onto the sidewalk. "You don't have the balls."
"You wanna bet on that, O'Phelan?" Dessie challenged. "Don't push me."
"Catherine always ends up comin-"
Dessie pulled the butterfly knife from his back pocket, flipping it open in a single fluid motion. Before Jimmy even had a chance to finish his sentence, Dessie jammed the blade against his Adam's apple. Jimmy could feel the sting of his flesh slicing open as Dessie increased the pressure. Beads of blood slid down his neck, staining the collar of his white button-down.
"You keep her name outta your goddamn mouth," he instructed through clenched teeth. "Catherine and I are havin' a baby and gettin' married whether you like it or not. She's to be my wife; get over it. No longer will she be followin' you around like a lost puppy."
"I have a wee feelin' the marriage ship has since set sail there, Dess."
"The hell are you talkin' about?"
"Orgasms and loyalty; that's all she wants from a man. Why weren't ya honest with her about Eilish? Or at the very least about Rosie?"
Jimmy watched the mixture of utter terror and regret gloss over Dessie's eyes. "You didn't." When Jimmy didn't say a word, Dessie knew right then and there he had been thrown under the bus. He pressed the blade harder against his throat, blood oozing faster from the wound. "You motherfucker! I 'oughta slit your fuckin' throat right here!"
"Put that thing away before ya do somethin' stupid, kid," Jimmy tried pushing away Dessie's forearm, but he wouldn't budge. At this point, he was more annoyed than anything. The one thing he always hated about Dessie was how difficult it is to break his concentration. That's what made him such a brilliant sharpshooter. Jimmy trained him a little too well. "You kill me, the Belfast lads'll wipe you south Armagh boys clean off the map. I'd hate for Catherine to bury another fella."
Dessie despised it when Jimmy called him 'kid,' even though he joined the IRA before he could even legally buy beer. He pushed it out of his mind, knowing Jimmy was only trying to crawl under his skin.
"What did you say to her?"
"I could tell ya, but that would just take away all the fun for me. If I were you, I wouldn't leave her stewin' much longer. That girl has the same temper as her daddy."
For a moment he debated what to do. He didn't want to let Jimmy just walk away, but saying the south Armagh Brigade would be obliterated wasn't a threat, it was reality. As was the fact Catherine wasn't getting any calmer inside.
"Tiocfaidh ar la, Dessie." He remembered Catherine once telling him. "Their day will come, too."
Now wasn't the time or place.
Lowering the knife from Jimmy's neck wasn't Dessie admitting defeat. It was him swallowing his anger and realizing what was important. Protecting his relationship with Catherine was all he cared about. Jimmy was nothing more than the dirt on the soles of his boots.
Taking a step back, Dessie closed the knife and slipped it back into his pocket.
"What I said still stands. Ya come around here again, you're fuckin' done."
"Give it a week and I'll be back in her bed."
Dessie punched Jimmy in the mouth. "Do you ever shut your gob? Ya want another one?"
"She's-"
The word barely made it out of Jimmy's mouth before he was clocked in the nose again. Dessie flexed his hand, trying to shake away the soreness. He'd go for as long as it took for the message to be loud and clear.
Pinching the bridge of his bloodied nose, Jimmy slammed his fist onto the roof of some poor stranger's car. With Jimmy's back half turned to Dessie, he seized the opportunity he'd never forgive himself for if he let it slip. Remembering what his trainer at the boxing gym taught him, Dessie dropped Jimmy to his knees with a one-two punch to the kidney.
He doubled over, struggling to catch his breath after having the wind knocked out of him.
"Leave Catherine and the boys alone." Dessie spat on the ground next to Jimmy. "Enjoy pissin' blood for the next week, shithead."
Catherine was sitting on the stairs when Dessie eventually walked through the front door. He locked it behind him, sheepishly running a hand through his hair as he looked up at her.
She was far calmer than he'd been expecting, and that made him a bit more nervous.
Standing up, Catherine slowly walked down the steps. She stopped only inches in front of him.
"I'm sorry I never told you abo-"
She slapped him.
The sting of her hand sharply hitting his cheek was well deserved in his book.
"You'd give Eilish to Johnny Adair and the UDA to have my magnificent mouth wrapped around your cock, huh?"
"It was just banter with the lads, I wasn't seri-"
Catherine slapped him again. She didn't care to hear his two-bit excuses.
"And ya don't know why I wouldn't shag you when my standards are obviously low."
Dessie had never felt so ashamed in his life. The things he said while drunk and angry were never supposed to come back to him. He should have been more careful with what he said around Jimmy, though he never expected to see the day where he'd have such a serious relationship with Catherine.
"Of all people, I had to hear it from Jimmy that your daughter is twenty-five." The thickness of her voice made it painfully obvious she was choking back her tears. "Do you understand how much of a fuckin' fool you've made of me?"
He did, and he never intended for it to happen. So many times he wanted to tell her, but the timing never seemed right. The girls were long gone, it wasn't like Catherine had to worry about the awkward run-in.
"Do you understand I was bloody seventeen when Eilish got pregnant? For Christ's sake, my Ma has photos of me holdin' Rosie as a wee baby with me dressed in my goddamn school uniform."
Catherine's mind was racing to the point she could hardly formulate a coherent thought. In 1997 when she spent four weeks training with Dessie, he never hid the fact he was married with kids. Though at the time she had wrongly assumed his wee ones were just that - wee. Not teenagers. In her naivety, she also never wondered why for the entirety of those four weeks, he'd spent every night at the safe house with her.
"All those years ago when we'd stay up all night just talkin' how come ya never told me? I was honest with you about Jimmy. I was even honest with you about Ian!"
"You never asked! I wasn't gonna talk your ear off with shite ya didn't ask about." He took a breath, deciding to be open with her. What good would it do now to keep it all hidden? "At the risk of soundin' like a complete horny prick-"
"Too late," Catherine interjected, crossing her arms over her chest.
Dessie groaned, then finished his thought. "Back then, I wanted to bend ya over and fuck the soul right outta ya. I was afraid if ya knew how old Rosie and Jenni were, you'd never see me that way."
"So it's true then. All I am to you is a tight arse and a pair of tits."
He buried his face in his hands, wanting to scream and wishing he had slit Jimmy's throat. He needed a drink. Grabbing Catherine's hand, Dessie walked her into the kitchen with him. A small part of him was surprised she hasn't tried jerking her hand away, while a large part was overly hopeful. If she had already made up her mind about ending their relationship, she wouldn't even be entertaining this conversation.
Taking off his jacket and draping it over one of the chairs, Dessie instructed Catherine to sit. She did. A small smile threatened to expose itself as she watched him move about her kitchen as if it were his own. Dessie turned on the electric kettle and grabbed her favorite mug and a bag of chamomile tea while the water boiled. For himself, a double whiskey neat.
"Drinkin' in front of a pregnant woman. That's a wee bit unfair isn't it?"
Dessie rolled his eyes, setting the glass down before he even had a chance to take a sip. Picking up the bottle, he smiled sarcastically and poured a shot down the sink for her. Catherine couldn't help but grin at the gesture.
When he set her cup of tea in front of her, he sat down, too, gulping almost half the whiskey in one mouthful.
"To answer your question, at first, aye, ya were just a tight hole and a big pair of tits. But over that month, the more I got to know ya as a person and as a soldier, I respected the hell outta ya. You became more than that to me, and I'd never forgive me'self if I shagged ya and dipped like I did to the rest of 'em."
Catherine slowly drank her tea, showing no emotion to what Dessie said. It wasn't exactly what she wanted to hear, but she appreciated the honesty.
After she set the mug on the table, Dessie reached out and grabbed her warm hands, holding them tightly in his.
"You are the woman I will spend the rest of my life charishin', lovin', and worshipin'."
"It's a wee bit weird, so it is. I mean c'mon, Dessie. Five years…"
"Is that you thinkin' it, or is it Jimmy tellin' ya it is? I was seventeen and thinkin' with my cock. What were you doin' at seventeen?" Dessie released Catherine's hand and tapped his index finger to his chin. He snapped his fingers. "I know! You were fuckin' your uncle's former best mate. Who, at the same time, was also fuckin' your uncle's wife. Ya really wanna get into what's weird and what isn't?"
The cold expression on Catherine's face told Dessie he hit a raw nerve, but it was a nerve that needed to be hit, nonetheless. He didn't want to sound like an asshole, though doing so got his point across. They were both once young and stupid with their unwise decisions producing permanent consequences.
Dessie loved and accepted Eamonn and Sean as if they were his sons. He wasn't expecting the same from Catherine when it came to his daughters - he just wanted her to accept that what's done is done.
He wouldn't dare tell her he'd once been uncomfortable with how young she is. That's why it took him six years to make a move in the first place. Then after she awkwardly pulled away when he went in for a kiss the year before she started dating Darragh, Dessie had given up all hope on his chances for a romantic relationship.
With a solid foundation of friendship beneath their feet, that had been enough for him. He just wanted to see her happy.
"How many other women are you seein' now?" she asked.
"Hand to God, none. Just like how you haven't been with Jimmy since he was released from Maghaberry, I haven't been with anyone else since that night in Dundalk."
"How can I trust you won't get bored of sex with me after a couple'a years as ya did with Eilish?"
Catherine watched Dessie's brow furrow and his jaw flex. He grabbed the pack of cigarettes from his jacket pocket and lit up.
"I got bored," he said, blowing the smoke away from Catherine. "Is that what Jimmy told ya?"
She nodded.
Placing both elbows on the table, genuine anger washed over Dessie. He muttered, "That sonofabitch," before taking a long drag.
Catherine shifted uncomfortably in the chair as she passed him the ashtray. Flicking ashes of his smoke, he drank the last of his whiskey. He asked Catherine to pour him another two fingers, needing all the alcohol he could get to dull the burn of humiliation all over again.
Realizing something was wrong with the story Jimmy told her, Catherine grabbed Dessie's glass and got up. From behind, she wrapped her arms around him, kissing his temple. After a moment, she let go and moved on to pouring his whiskey. When she came back to the table and handed it to him, Dessie finished it in one pull.
"What Jimmy told you couldn't be further from the truth, but what's shite is no matter what, I always end up lookin' like the arsehole."
"I'll be the judge of that."
Dessie crushed the cigarette and leaned back in the chair. He had never outright spoken about what happened; it was an open secret in Crossmaglen that everyone turned a blind eye to.
"The long and short of it is three months before Jenni was born, I caught word Eilish was shaggin' my commander at the time. She promised it was over, and I stupidly believed her. Turns out that was a fat lie. It ended only after he accidentally killed himself while makin' pipe bombs. She spent the first five years of our marriage havin' an affair, so I spent the last nine fuckin' any broad who so much as smiled at me. The cherry on top of it all? Wee Jenni looks just like her da; blonde hair, blue eyes and all."
"Christ, Dessie." Catherine grabbed his hand, bringing it to her mouth to kiss his knuckles. "Why didn't you divorce her?"
"Eilish dropped out of school, she has no skills - had no way to properly support the girls on her own. As far as I was concerned, both those girls were mine so I wasn't gonna walk away."
"For what it's worth, I don't think you're the arse. She is. She screwed around first, had a wee baby with another man, and then had the audacity to divorce ya when you were sent to Maghaberry. I may not be the perfect wife, but I'll never double-cross ya as she did. Nor would I even think to leave if, God forbid, ya end up back in prison."
Dessie chuckled. With the hand Catherine wasn't holding, he reached out and cupped her jaw, rubbing his thumb along her lips. "I don't need ya to be perfect, baby. I just need you to love me and be loyal."
"Always." She kissed his thumb. "So ya wanted to fuck the soul right outta me, huh? I didn't get that impression considerin' you were such a dick. Made me take bloody freezin' cold showers for nearly a month."
"Full disclosure, I feel terrible for doin' that, but ya really pissed me off. After a long day at work, all I wanted was a hot shower, but nope, you used all the hot water. So I turned off the fuckin' water heater; only turned it on when I wanted a shower. You did get me back pretty damn good, though. I almost shite when the plastic spiders fell on me."
Catherine started laughing so hard at the memory, tears slipped from her eyes. Dessie couldn't help but laugh either. "I've never heard a grown man shriek the way you did. And then you scared me half to death jumpin' out of the bush with a clown mask on. We had some damn good times, didn't we?"
"Aye. But the best part is that we'll have a lifetime of good times once you're in Cross with me. Not just a month." Looking at his watch, he was bummed to see how late it was getting. A light bulb went off in his head. "I may have given Jimmy a wee beat down so I'm not comfortable leavin' ya here alone. There's no way I can miss work after callin' off today. Since tomorrow's Friday, why don't you and boys play hooky? Come home with me tonight."
Leaning back in her chair, Catherine looked down as she rubbed her rapidly growing belly.
"What do ya think? Should we go home with Daddy?" she cooed. "I think it's a good idea, too."
