AN: Wow, I updated relatively quick! I'm so happy!

Edit: Forgot to mention in my first post but thank you to whomever nominated me for the Fairy Tail Fandom Awards, that was so sweet! I've never been nominated for a fan fiction award before, it's really humbling. I got nominated twice for Best Dark and Best Drama fan fiction. Definitely check out the list they have on Tumblr, I found a bunch of works I haven't read yet so that's definitely a bonus. They have some awesome fan art in the running as well. It's under user theguildawards. If you're interested give a vote for your favorites in each category!

Now please, enjoy!


Life was cruel.

Most people knew this, understood this by age eleven, twelve, or thirteen.

That time specifically has significance because it was the start of a person's second decade in life. The ages where you were no longer in the single digits and forever in the double digits. First, you're eleven, twelve, thirteen, then you're twenty-two, thirty-six, forty, fifty-nine, and so on.

That's not the only interesting thing about this time. Aging can be cruel, but no one truly wants to live forever, counting on the fact that one day your existence would end could be a sweet reprieve to some.

Less morbid than that, this time is also canonicalized as a child's development into puberty then adulthood. Our minds develop and we see past all the whimsy and innocence of childhood. Where getting a cut on your leg ruins your day for all of five seconds. You're wailing and crying only to get distracted by the other kids getting ice cream and then you're off running with them to get some as well. The pain in your leg, completely forgotten.

Eleven, twelve, and thirteen are the years that you can't forget about your cut leg. Even if ice cream is in the distance, teasing you with its creamy essence. The cut bothers you all day, into the night, for weeks, until it festers and pusses. No bandage or ointment can treat it.

It stays with you for years.

You try to cover it, clean it, even some try to decorate it. But it never goes away.

Soon, it becomes a part of you. Some days only you can see it. Other days everyone can. It's a push and pull on the days people can or cannot. Sometimes it depends on your mood.

You're not the only one with a cut, everyone has one. Some bigger than others, in different spots on their bodies.

Some people have multiple.

And just like your cut, sometimes you can see theirs, and sometimes you can't.

Before eleven, twelve, and thirteen. You didn't have these blemishes on your body. You were clean and unsullied. Or maybe you had them and you just couldn't see them, like how people couldn't see your cut somedays. Either way, it didn't bother you before whenever you got one. If instead, the cut was on your face, it only bothered you for seconds until the child version of yourself was distracted by something that made you forget.

To forget that life was cruel and people got hurt.

Something obvious now, as an adult with scars. But a notion unconcievable and perplexing to child.

Lucy thought about all of this, as she stared listlessly out the window. The view was immaculate from the floor to ceiling pane. The city of Fiore seemed endless with its buildings stretching to the sky; the brushes of trees from some national parks in varying autumn colors as the leaves brightened from their bland green to warmer hues, and the Cloud Sea branching out into rivers that cut through the city and sparkled against the sun. It was beautiful, but Lucy didn't see any of it. Her dull brown gaze couldn't focus. Anytime her vision saw an object in clarity, tears would either blur her eye ducts or darkness invaded her sight. Minutes would pass before she could come back to the surface and it would start over once again.

Days had passed since she saw her father get murdered in front of her very own eyes. She doesn't remember much since. Just the moment in the office with Natsu, then being picked up and taken somewhere. In and out of consciousness she remembers seeing his face. In fact, almost every time she woke up it was in a panic, her heart palpitating and her breath wheezing until she was able to see him again. Seeing his face and feeling his arms wrap around her was the only reassurance she had that she was still alive.

Alive.

She was alive and her father was dead. Her father and mother were dead.

She was alone. Completely and utterly, alone.

Lucy blinked, still not seeing anything but feeling the tightness in her eyes, a sign that the sockets had not received moisture for a long while.

It was funny. She spent the first day crying over the fact that her father was gone, the next in a state of trauma having seen a person get murdered in front of her–even worse it was her parent. Yet today, even though the realization that her father was truly dead had been damning enough, the feelings she had the hardest time metabolizing were the ones that hit her when she conceded to the reality that her father never loved her.

The feelings of betrayal, hurt, and…hate.

Lucy had spent her whole life loving her father. Wanting to make him proud, wanting him to appreciate her. Those desperate feelings grew when her mother died and she depended on the comfort of a parent like an addict to a dealer. In order to get her fix, or in this case–love, she had to develop herself into his tastes.

He wanted a meek daughter, obedient, and diminutive in his presence. She did just that. He wanted good grades and winning accolades, she got those.

He wanted a porcelain doll, a possession. Beautiful on the outside as it hung ornamentally on a shelf with nothing on the inside of its shell. Most dolls—if they could talk, would beg to be filled; and just like Pinnochio—if they could wish, would ask to be a real girl. She did the opposite, she was the real girl that made herself into a doll. All in the hopes that her father would covet her. Hug and hold her like most dolls were hugged and held.

She'd done all that for a man who didn't want her. The man who tossed her aside, let her be kidnapped and raped by the highest bidder. Tears once again renewed against Lucy's reddened lids. He knew from the beginning what had happened to her, and yet he didn't care. In fact, he signed away her life to the same man who did it.

The memory of their faces distorted into something grotesque as Jude finished signing the paper. Demonic laughter played in the recesses of her mind and Lucy started hyperventilating once more. She felt sweat start at the nape of her neck, the hairs on her skin rise and prickle as her heart sped.

She didn't realize she was screaming until blue hair came into view.

Words came out of the head of the person next to her but she couldn't hear them. All she heard was laughter, venomous and terrifying until everything was black once more.

Lucy Heartfilia wasn't known to hate. She had a soft heart, and often empathy filled her like a water balloon soon to burst. She saw the best in the worst of people and couldn't find herself wishing harm on someone even if she knew they deserved it.

Could you cry for someone's death, yet be happy you never had to see them again? Could the thought of that same person potentially burning in hell bring a smile to your face, yet you still missed the presence of them in your life?

Lucy Heartfilia wasn't known to hate, but the dark cold spot in her heart as she thought of her father and what he'd done to her. The isolation, the beatings, the cruel words he spat at her as she grew up, all of it leading up to the will he signed. If the feeling in her chest wasn't hate…Lucy wasn't sure what it was.


.oOo.


Natsu has had a hard day.

Fuck it, he has had a hard week.

A rough hand pulled through wayward pink strands as the man stood stiffly in the elevator of his apartment complex. The music that played on the lift was loud in his ears as his brain tried to focus on anything other than what he had just witnessed and dealt with.

A few days had passed since they got a hold of the video Acnologia had made for Lucy and he and Gray killed José Porla. Getting rid of the man's body was too easy, as a matter of fact, there were too many options. Places like the bottom of the sea, for example, or charring the body to infinitesimal pieces by fire, maybe even chopping the limbs up and throwing them in the same dumpster his foul body had died next to... However, Natsu realized that since they had fucked up on keeping the man alive for more intel, it was best to not fuck up more. He had promised his connections in the police force that they would be the last to touch Porla's body and he decided to make do with that promise.

Right after he and Gray watched a stray dog piss on the body, of course.

Natsu snorted at the memory. At least there was one bright moment in his day, the thought of José finally getting his just deserts.

Shaking his head, Natsu exited the elevator once he heard the 'ding'. To think, the thought of that greasy bastard was able to make him feel better.

Finally getting into the house, the man shucked off his leather jacket and let it land on the stool closest to him in the kitchen. Moving further into the open floor plan of his home, Natsu rolled up the long sleeves of his white crew neck sweater. His green eyes ambled around the room, taking in the stillness that was once common there before he took on an unwilling roommate, and noticing that the tepid air was once again back with a vengeance. The corners of his eyes pinched at the thought before his gaze landed on the aforementioned roommate. A pink blanket and a ball of blonde were all he could decipher from the lump on his couch and it made the man's throat tighten at the realization that the girl hadn't moved from the spot even an inch.

She had been on his mind the whole day, especially during his quiet moments when he could think of nothing else.

After comforting her in his office and she falling into a fitful sleep, Natsu had sat another couple of hours there stuck in place mindlessly rubbing her delicate shoulders as he tried to process his own feelings on the matter. It was true about what he had said to Lucy, he had wanted everyone to feel the pain he went through when his father passed, to feel the anxiety, the anger, the disillusionment he felt towards life. But those feelings no matter how strong they felt at the moment were short-term to feeling lost and aimless. When someone loses their parents, not just one but both, it was easy to lose your sense of purpose as well. Natsu had only gained back a flicker of his spark when he'd remembered he could make his father proud by joining the Dragneel and Heartfilia families and getting his revenge on Jude in one fell swoop. However, the nights were still hard and his mind was still stuck on why. Why did Acnologia kill his dad? Why did his security team fail him? Why couldn't he have fixed his relationship with his father sooner? Why did Igneel keep so many secrets?

It was a downward spiral and Natsu had very few ways to cope and none of them were exactly very healthy.

Gray was definitely a witness to that and if you asked the man his thoughts on the matter he would drone on and on about it with righteous indignation.

Sighing, the man used his dexterous fingers to flick open his watch and pull it from his wrist before placing it on an errant end table, all the while watching the almost imperceptible rise and fall of the pink blanket over the girl marking the life that was sustained underneath it.

He wished he could take it all back. That wish for everyone to feel his pain. No one should ever go through this. Seeing the blonde deteriorate in front of his eyes as the days went by cemented that.

A few days ago, when he had gotten out of his daze in the office, he had picked her up in his arms noting her face pinched in fitful sleep and how her limbs continued to tremble, before transporting her down the hall and out of the building. The members of Tartaros he passed by gave him a wide berth but he felt their pulse of sympathy all the same. He took the service way out to the backdoors, having already called a car to come to pick them up. It was there that he saw Mirajane rounding up empty boxes.

The pale-haired woman looked up as Natsu slammed the door open, her blue eyes open in shock before they landed on the blonde.

"Oh, Lucy!"

Mirajane ran up to the duo, uncaring of Natsu's grimace and the negative clouds that swarmed around them.

The older woman brought the back of her pale hand against Lucy's reddened cheeks before making clicking noises with her tongue at the temperature. "She's going to run a fever, poor girl." Blue eyes shimmered with emotion as her heart went out to her younger friend. "I'll make her some soup and get you some medicine prepared. I'm sure she's going to have a horrible headache when she wakes up."

Pink brows drew together once the woman's eyes finally looked up to his own. He had a decision to make and knew his best options were in front of him.

"Actually, I need you to watch Lucy tonight." Natsu's voice was dark and distant, it sounded unfamiliar even to his ears.

Mirajane's immaculate eyebrows rose on her head as she took a step back to fully peer at him. "I mean…I don't mind, but why all of a sudden, Natsu?"

His hands tightened against their perch on Lucy's form, restraining himself from adding more pressure and rousing the girl. "I'm going after him Mira, he can't get away with this…"

That night Mira stayed with Lucy and took care of the girl while he went out hoping to find both José and Acnologia. He only found one man out of the two, but he'd gotten enough vengeance that he felt he was allowed to come back home.

It was when he got back, thanking Mira for taking care of Lucy and seeing to it that a driver got her home, that he witnessed Lucy's first panic attack.

Natsu had only stepped out for a moment to watch Mirajane get on the elevator before he stepped back into the penthouse and was greeted by an wheezing Lucy. The blonde was gasping and crying on the couch looking around blearily as she struggled for breath.

Natsu didn't know what to do and started panicking himself. Damn near bolting out of the house to knock Mirajane down and take her back to the apartment. It wasn't until Lucy yelled his name, that he stopped what he was doing and ran to her before holding her close.

'I'm here. I'm here Lucy!'

He stayed with her the whole night, holding her close until her sobs turned to cries, then whimpers until she was too tired to even utter a sound and she passed out into a deep sleep. She had a couple more attacks throughout the night, usually when he fell into his own sporadic states of unconsciousness and his arms fell loose from her form, but he was able to rouse enough and comfort her until she calmed once more.

The next day the girl did indeed have a fever and it was thanks to Mira's soup that she made, the measured medication that she left on the counter next to ionized mineral water and hot and cold compresses—that Natsu had a semblance of an idea on what to do. He spent the whole day nursing Lucy back to health and soothing her when she would wake up with tears in her eyes for the next round of crying.

Today was the third day and while he stayed with her in the morning, making sure her fever had worn off and that she wasn't going to have another attack, Gray and Jellal were on his back to get back to work and start tying up the loose strings that José had unraveled, doing so before the dead man's body grew cold.

Little did he know, at the same time Gajeel was being worn down by a blue-haired pixie. Lucy hadn't missed much of school, but the time she did miss didn't go unnoticed by her best friend, Levy McGarden. The sprite had been the proverbial David to the Goliath that was Gajeel. She somehow got him to bow down to her whims and confess the location of her blonde friend. If Natsu wasn't so impressed he would have handed Gajeel his own ass with metal rods sticking out of it when the bluenette showed up at his doorstep, a hand on her cocked hip and her chin jutting out proudly.

Natsu had frowned, squinting his eyes to make sure what he was seeing was true, but all it took was one blink for the girl to somehow slither into his home and make her way to her friend.

What was she using? Pixie dust and magic spells to get around both him and Gajeel?

The kicking and fussing the girl did gave him a headache that Natsu promised to pay Gajeel back with tenfold.

Luckily, Levy knew the gist of everything going on and the girl didn't immediately call the cops once she took in the state of her friend, but she still needed to hear a better explanation to calm down. He didn't reveal too much, naturally, but he told her enough to lower the stink eye she was giving him. He basically gave her what the public was soon to find out; Jude didn't really go on a vacation, he was abducted by Acnologia and the elusive criminal sent Lucy a video of him being killed. The video part would be for Levy's ears only, but the rest of the information he gave her wouldn't be too far from soon-to-be public knowledge.

By the end of it, Levy had continued to frown at him, more so upset that she was the last to find out about her friend's distress than anything. She also showed surprise at them living together but didn't question it much considering Lucy practically didn't have anywhere else to go outside of sneaking in and living with Levy secretly in her dorms.

Natsu was surprised when she brought it up, forgetting that the girl still thought Lucy was living with her dad. Despite feeling like forever, it hadn't been that long ago when they made their arrangements as roommates. Naturally, Levy was none the wiser. It had only been a little over a month since he met Lucy and a few weeks that they've lived together, and yet weirdly enough, he couldn't imagine living in the apartment without her.

It was scary how natural that thought felt. It made him realize just how quickly his and Lucy's relationship had progressed…but that was the point wasn't it—the initial goal of their relationship?

Not quite.

What was supposed to be sterile—straightforward like a business transaction between two partners, and at best, as cordial as a merger between two companies, was now something he wasn't sure he could put his finger on. And he wasn't sure how he felt about it.

The night her father was killed, he'd opened up to her in ways he'd never done before with anyone else. And it was so…easy. Effectively, the act showed him truths he hadn't acknoleged and even had him telling Lucy that he cared for her. A statement that even surprised him. He knew his feelings for her were changing, after no longer feeling resentment and misplaced anger towards the girl he started to see her for who she was. Lucy was compassionate and kind, hardworking to the point of forgetting her own needs and putting herself in harms way. She was loyal—too loyal. Smart and intuitive. She was…amazing, especially after dealing with everything that was thrown at her and still having the competency to care about others. He couldn't help but fall—well, to care about her more than he should. Was it right? He didn't know. He wasn't ready for more than what they had now. However, he knew he didn't want her to be hurt anymore or to continue to feel so much pain.

She deserved better than this.

She deserved better than him.

Natsu didn't even have to suggest that Levy stay, the small girl was going to anyway, and Natsu, with much trepidation after the events of the night before, made his way to the meeting with the guys.

After that unfortunate event, he was back home. Trying desperately to forget everything that he saw, a genuine concern making itself known that if he lingered on the events of today, it wouldn't just be Lucy that needed support coping but the both of them.

"Hey, Natsu."

Said man blinked out of the daze he'd fallen into while looking at the ball of limbs on the couch before canting his head towards the speaker.

Levy stood tentatively outside the length of the hallway that lead to his office and the stairwell that lead to the bedrooms. In her hand was a glass of water and a bottle of medication that Natsu assumed was for pain relief.

At the sight of him, Levy's brows turned up sympathetically and her shoulders sagged.

Why she was wasting her sympathy on him, he had no idea. Maybe his expression was coming off more traumatized than he wanted to let on.

"Hey, Levy…how is she?"

The question hung in the air for the moment as the petite girl fully took him in, her expression turning softer the longer she looked at him before she answered.

"Well," Levy started, turning away from Natsu and walking towards the girl in question, "she hasn't freaked out like you mentioned she might yet. That's good I guess." The bluenette placed the water and pills on the coffee table before sitting next to the girl and caressing her wayward tresses. Lucy didn't even twitch at her touch which formed a pucker on both Natsu and Levy's brows. "However, she hasn't said anything all day either. Not even a peep." The girl sighed, tears bubbling in her eyes. "We've been friends since gradeschool, and yet I've never seen her like this before…I don't know how to help," Levy's voice strained at the end. With a sniffle, she kept going. "She let me help her take a bath and she responded to a sandwich I made for lunch but nothing else. For the rest of the day, she's been like this, just staring outside. I was just about to give her some medicine before you walked in."

Natsu nodded stiffly.

Despite how dire the situation looked. He wasn't too surprised by Lucy's temperament. The days after he lost his dad were a blur. He didn't think he did much besides sit in the darkness of his dad's office staring at the overturned desk and haphazardly thrown items in the room. He would go through fits of rage when the silence would be too much, tearing apart the room further until everything was in shambles.

No one was allowed in. He didn't want to talk to anyone, he didn't want to eat, he barely got any sleep despite doing absolutely nothing but staring at walls most of the time.

Once he did leave, it wasn't much better. He just trained his body all day and picked fights with random thugs on the street. He couldn't say if they survived or not. He doesn't remember much during those days, just the sensation of warped flesh and crushed bone beneath his fists as he pounded into them.

And that was just the beginning of his torment.

As far as he was concerned, Lucy was doing leagues better than him.

A piercing ring struck the quiet lapse of sound in the room and Natsu brought his attention back to the girls. Levy had somehow gotten Lucy to sit up and was helping her drink the water she had gotten for her. Presumably, the blonde had just taken the allocated pain medicine.

Levy gasped, reaching into her back pocket to take out her phone and grumbling when she saw what was on the screen.

Meanwhile, Natsu stared. He couldn't see much of Lucy from his position in the room, just the back of her head where her golden tresses tumbled down her back. The strands curled and waved due to her constant repose on the couch and perhaps her recent bath.

"Hey, sorry to leave so suddenly but I forgot I have class soon." Levy started. Her words would more likely have an effect on Natsu but she kept her gaze on Lucy. "I'll get you the notes and materials for your classes and tell your teachers you'll be out for a while, okay? Get some rest Lulu." Levy gave the girl the best smile she could conjure at the moment while brushing down strands of Lucy's hair before looking up at Natsu.

"Lucy has my number in her phone so text me if you need anything. I'll try to come back tomorrow and bring more food."

"Alright, thanks."

"No problem. She's my best friend." The previous tears reformed in her big brown eyes once more, "I just wish I knew how to stop her pain."

Natsu's lid's lowered, she and him both.

With one last sniffle and a bear hug from Levy to the girl, Levy gathered her stuff and headed out the door.

Natsu watched her leave out the door and into the elevator, similar to how he did with Mirajane the other night. Similarly, he offered to get Levy a ride to campus, but she declined to state it wasn't too far and that she had her bike which had been left at the concierge desk.

Once the girl was gone, Natsu was at a bit of a loss.

The things he saw today he knew he would have to relay to Lucy, but it wouldn't be an easy task.

Seeing the state the girl was already in, he wasn't sure she could handle worse news.

He had made his way back into the apartment, rounding the couch and coming forward to look at the girl. Just like that morning when he left her, Lucy's eyes were open yet distant, her gaze completely dead to the world.

He didn't think he could tell her.

When Natsu left that morning he had met up with Jellal and Gray, their meeting place was the address José had given to them. The place that Acnologia last went to before leaving Fiore. A building between 19th and Broadway and Creary Avenue. The place where Igneel and Jude had their last breath.

It wasn't easy walking into the building, especially with all the repressed anger that Natsu felt boiling up at the realization that his father had been under his nose the whole time. The poor drug addict that they found loitering around whom started waving a knife at them probably didn't deserve Natsu kicking his ass in response to that frustration either.

But once Jellal and Gray got him off of the man, they were finally able to bust open the back doors of the derelict property and head in. There hadn't been much in the first room they stepped in, or the next, nor the next. It wasn't until they got to a private room deep in the house that had its door locked shut that they found something of substance.

A firm kick near the door handle got them entrance and inside was just as imagined.

With one whiff, Jellal had turned away quickly, retching with dry heaves towards the molded floorboards, Gray had cursed backing away just as quick from the room to gag and Natsu had braced himself against the door blowing rough air out of his nose.

There had been blood and guts everywhere.

That should be the first thing to note.

But it wasn't fresh, definitely not. It could have been due to the muggy air and molded structure of the building or the poorly insulated walls that allowed the elements and environment to pick at the remains, but the lumps of body matter looked to be weeks old even a month, not the days Jellal and he had assumed.

While there was no light that escaped the room due to its position away from any windows in the house, the doorway they opened let more than enough spill in and behold Jude Heartfilia's carcass.

The body stayed slouched over onto the same desk from the video, the wood now darkened over with deteriorated grey matter.

In front of said desk was where most of Jude's head lay. At least, they only knew it was his head because they watched the video and there was nothing left attached to the man's shoulders.

Rats skittered away from the corpse once they stepped into the room and what was left wasn't something he would like to describe. Basically, there were parts of flesh moving, that should not have been…

When they were able to get their shit together long enough to make their way inside, there wasn't much they could find besides the body. Natsu normally would have had Jellal call some of the guys to come and really comb through the place, but he was pretty sure there was nothing left—he doubted Acnologia would be absentminded enough to forget anything of importance anyway, plus they were already making a mess of a crime scene Natsu knew would need to be carefully investigated.

At the memory Natsu stumbled, righting himself as he took in Lucy's blank expression and belatedly realized he hadn't accidentally told her what had been in vivid detail replaying over and over in his mind.

Turning away from the girl, he ambled over to the bar on the other side of the room.

Natsu wasn't known to be a heavy drinker, but since his father died he found himself washing away the bitter taste of gloom with spirits more than ever before. It wasn't something the others knew much about. He hadn't gotten to the point of abusing it enough for people to notice, but in the dead of night, he often drank a few glasses to help him fall asleep.

It wasn't night, and he wasn't trying to go to sleep, but after what he saw he thought he deserved a strong drink. Pulling a decanter of fiery whiskey from the recesses of the bar, Natsu poured a healthy helping of the amber liquid into his lowball glass. No ice, just straight.

Undulating the liquid in his hand, he pulled the drink up enough to take a whiff and trembled slightly at the smell of its sharp tang. He took a substantial pull, swallowing it before it hit the taste buds on his tongue and instead went straight to the back of his throat. The delightful drag of fire down his esophagus was enough for Natsu to rethink putting away the rest and topped himself once more. The liquid reappeared in his glass as if it never disappeared in the first place.

Thinking he stalled enough, Natsu made his way back to Lucy, rounding the coffee table that blocked his passage before sitting down on the couch with a tiredness that juxtaposed his youthful veneer. Silence disturbed their communion for what felt like hours but Natsu wasn't bothered. Drink fisted in his grip which rested on his knee, he watched along with his distraught companion as the sun slowly inched toward the horizon. The longer he went without relaying his thoughts, the happier he was. And as to be expected, that feeling didn't last.

The same scenes from that morning replayed and he felt an itching at his tongue that tingled for a drink.

It wasn't until he took his second meaningful pull of whiskey that he finally heard her voice.

Soft and scratchy from disuse, it was still Lucy that he heard in his conscious mind.

"C-Can…can I have some of that?"

Natsu's eyebrows broke towards his hairline and he wasn't sure if it was primarily because she had spoken for the first time in a long while or because of what her question implied.

He bartered with it being due to the question.

He'd only drank once with Lucy and at the time she hadn't seemed too fascinated with her drink. More so, she seemed hesitant to even accept it. He was of course referencing the time they were at Makarov's restaurant.

Since then, he's had his alcohol out in the open, very clearly something anyone could partake in from the times Gray lingered around the bar or the random times Gajeel came by and got a drink. Nevertheless, she never partook, never even glanced in its direction.

So it was a little surprising that she wanted to drink now.

"Uh…um," Natsu startled once Lucy's brown doe eyes shifted his way. The vacancy wasn't there anymore thankfully, her attention hanging onto him further as she seemed to realize he was in the room next to her. "Sure…"

Handing the tumbler slowly over to the girl, Natsu shivered at the cold press of her digits dragging over his.

She seemed to notice her own cold then as she shifted her body closer to his on the couch until her shoulder brushed against him and the outside of her hips and thighs got to know his own.

"Thanks."

Natsu watched raptly as the girl clumsily handled the glass before slowly bringing the edge to her lips. Her pink flesh caressed the curve of the glass before she fluttered her plentiful lashes and tipped her head back. Her swan-like neck moved as she drank the liquid, its pristine luminescence and teasing smoothness making Natsu's throat feel suddenly dry as he took an audible gulp.

The girl could only get a couple of sips down before she was coughing the sharp spicy liquid away. Her eyes were watered and her nose was cutely bunched while her clumsy hands barely held onto the sloshing liquid in the glass.

"Woah," Natsu chuckled, helping her hold onto the jostled liquid before she could splash it all over them.

Coughing with her other hand against her chest before thanking Natsu blearily as he patted her back, Lucy spoke once more. "Sorry."

"No worries. I can tell you haven't had Fire Whiskey before." Natsu stated yet lifted his brows in question towards her direction, open to being proven wrong.

Lucy nodded her head, nervously sliding her finger along the seam of her lips in case any errant drops escaped her mouth.

Natsu's gaze settled on the action, "That makes sense then. You don't know the tricks."

"Tricks?" Lucy's head titled up and Natsu's attention redirected back to her eyes, his heart thumping when he saw the spark he'd come to love back in her ocher-colored orbs. It made him want to do anything to keep it there.

Suddenly breathless, Natsu nodded staring at her longer than he should have. "Yeah…" Lucy seemed to notice his lingering gaze as she demurely looked away and a blush tickled her cheeks. "Um, yeah. You can't hold the alcohol on your tongue or else you won't want to swallow. You gotta just gulp it or throw it back."

Her brown eyes swooped back towards him, blinking owlishly at him as he spoke. He watched her brows furrow and her white teeth pinch her lips with determination before directing her gaze back towards the glass in her hands.

"Okay…" Lucy took a deep breath, lifting the glass to her lips once more, and tried to do as he told. This time the alcohol didn't come back up and she succeeded in getting a nice gulp down, but it was a lot messier than the last as she splashed a bit of the alcohol onto her shirt. "Like that?" Lucy whined cutely at the mess, drops of alcohol somehow clinging to her lashes.

That made Natsu laugh.

Some that didn't make it into her mouth dribbled onto her chin and before the pink-haired man could wipe it for her, she had already beaten him to it.

"I tasted it less that time and it was easier, but it's still not great." The blonde frowned at his continued laughter.

Natsu snorted finally ending his laughter before smoothly taking the glass back and placing it on his own lips. There was still a good half of the glass left, as he had filled it pretty high and Lucy's baby bird sips did little to put a dent in its volume, however, he still managed to finish it off in just a couple of swallows.

With a hiss, Natsu bared his teeth at the burn. Winking at the girl when he caught her amazed expression. "Just takes a bit of practice that's all."

Lucy harrumphed, folded her arms under her ample breasts, and looked at him with full-on disbelief. "Right."

With a shrug, Natsu placed the empty lowball glass onto the table.

"Listen, Luce. I got something to tell you…and it might be hard for you to hear."

When silence was his only answer, Natu chanced a glance back at the girl and found her staring at his empty cup.

"You should've let me finish the rest if that was the case."

Or maybe just brought the whole decanter over here for the both of us to finish. Natsu thought to say but just sucked on his teeth instead.

"We found him. We found…Jude and…" His mind blanked at the thought of what they found in the basement. After leaving the room Jude was in, the three men had trekked to the only other door they hadn't checked before. It was padlocked shut but Gray had found a hammer in the corner of one of the rooms earlier and used it to break it open. Down those stairs…

Natsu didn't even want to think about what he saw down those stairs.

Feeling a hand against his shoulder, Natsu shook away his thoughts until he saw Lucy again. She had tears prickling her eyes, but overall she held her composure. That was all he needed to continue. "Anyway," he started with a sigh, "we called the cops and they came a bit later. They had me down at the station which is why I came back so late." Truly it was just a formality, something they had to put in the books so that it seemed like they covered all their bases.

Natsu's connections in Fiore's police department ran deep thanks to Makarov whose godson Romeo was the Deputy Police Chief. Naturally, due to this Natsu and Romeo went way back as well but that didn't mean the gang leader could get away with just anything. Romeo knew Natsu toed the line of good and bad, often walking across to the side of the bad when it came to the streets of Fiore, so he told the man if he was caught there wasn't much he could do to save him. He wasn't sure if Romeo would truly feed him to the sharks—what with them being like family, but he took the threat for what it was and stayed inconspicuous with most of his dealings. All of that to say, he and Romeo chatted about what Natsu found in the house as well as any updates regarding José's body instead of doing the full good cop bad cop routine that he was sure he was supposed to get in this kind of situation. In fact, Natsu remembered the conversation being more like a therapy session as a result of the man still being shell-shocked from his discoveries and Romeo trying to snap him out of it.

"Wow, I'm surprised they didn't detain you overnight considering the messy past my father had with yours." Meaning she was surprised they didn't handcuff him and throw him in a jail cell because most people thought Jude had something to do with Igneel's murder, and who better to get revenge and kill the man than his son?

"I have connections at the department, so it wasn't a problem."

Lucy's eyes widened at his admission. She remembered Gray telling her they gave information to an untraceable source in the police department, but she didn't think that the connection would be that strong! Being a witness at the crime scene of the richest man in the city whose family heritage went back ages in developing the town was no laughing matter. In most cases like that, they would detain any questionable persons until even the court day.

When going against the powers that be, it was always guilty until proven innocent.

Lucy suddenly felt a shiver go down her spine. She was no longer mystified by the fear that took over people when Tartaros was mentioned. To have that much power, that many hands in different pots; the business world, the underworld, and even the police…

Lucy now understood what Kyoka was trying to explain to her about this man.

Natsu was thinking along the same line of thought. He didn't consider the wealth of power his old man had—now inherited to himself, much until now. It was no wonder Acnologia wanted what he had. However, Natsu never took it for granted. He worked just as hard as anyone else in his company. Igneel never let him believe he was to be given things just because it was owed to him. The old man never took into consideration something as silly as nepotism. Sure, he was expected to inherit it all, but the old man made sure he passed tests and jumped over hoops. Igneel made it very clear that he could easily pick someone else to run the ship once he retired.

The time he spent away from home was not fun and was never entertaining. He trained endlessly, if not in combat then with his mind over how to run a business. He fought for the leader position of Tartaros, and just like with Dragneel Enterprises, everyone didn't just accept him with open arms. In a similar fashion as he did with his father, he had to prove his worth.

"The news of his death will probably hit the airwaves soon. The public isn't aware of the fact that you're living with me yet, and I told Makorov to keep mum to the press about you attending Fairy Tail University, but it will only be a matter of time before journalists find out and try to get a press conference with you." Natsu spoke stoically, trying not to express too many emotions and trigger Lucy off the deep end again. He knew it wouldn't take much if the tremble on her lips and her darkened gaze weren't enough of a sign.

"I'll protect you as much as I can Lucy. It's going to be hard but I don't want you to go through what I had to." Green eyes burned into the girl as he continued to his next part of the speech. "With everything that has happened, I…I understand if you want to leave." A blonde head of hair flipped up so quickly he was surprised she didn't hurt herself. He took her reaction as a positive to that declaration so he clenched the back molars of his teeth before continuing on. "I feel…like I should have done more for your father. That I could have stopped things from happening as they did…I promised that I wouldn't hurt him if you stayed with me that night. Acnologia is to blame but I feel…responsible." And he did, he felt a heavy amount of guilt. He had all the puzzle pieces arranged and all the evidence that pointed to Jude being just as played with as the rest of them. Sure the Heartfilia patriarch wasn't completely innocent but he was vindicated enough that Natsu should have stepped in. In all honestly, he felt like his stubborn determination to find something that incriminated Jude was what truly pulled the trigger of the gun.

"You don't have to stay here any longer if you don't want to," Natsu kept his gaze distant as he swallowed, feeling the girl's body grow stiff at his next words. "I can protect you in other ways. Maybe, it will be for the best." He realized, Lucy this close to him could be just as damning as leaving her alone. Acnologia still didn't know where she was at. He didn't seem to care where she was as long as she stayed gone. If the man found out she was under Natsu's protection instead of being defiled by a dirty old man, he may feel motivated to do more harm to her to get at the Dragneel heir.

"Don't…"

Shifting his gaze back to the girl, Natsu refocused at the sound of her voice. He was ready for her to lay it all out on him. To call him all kinds of names and curse him to hell. She would be righteous in any way she decided to express her disgust. It was a long time coming. Obviously, she only held back until this point due to their agreement and now that he relinquished her from it, she would be free to tell him how she truly felt.

What he wasn't prepared for was her bowed head and fisted hands against her naked thighs, emphasizing how the large t-shirt she wore barely covered her legs.

"Don't, don't," Lucy shook with the effort to speak and Natsu started to grow concerned. His heart began to beat quickly with the sight of tears rolling down the bridge of her nose. Fearing the signs of another panic attack, Natsu fretted over what he should do before following his natural inclination to soothe her. It probably wasn't what she wanted from him at the moment especially if he feared she hated him—a funny sentiment considering he'd spent so much time trying to get her to feel just that. Her reaction to his touch could be even worse, but it was all he had.

With one hand caressing the back of her neck—the usual place for his fingers to massage and rub, while the other grasped her small hand still clenched on top of her thigh, he scooted closer and began to try and comfort her.

Abruptly, her other arm shot out and grabbed ahold of his forearm.

Natsu tensed, waiting for the worst.

Instead, he got an eyeful of big brown eyes, a reddened nose, and pouty lips. "Pl-please don't, don't ever say that to m-me again." Lucy hiccuped.

"Wha—"

"Please don't ask me to leave. You ca-cant leave me. Please, Natsu." Lucy sobbed, "I can't handle anyone else…" She sniffled. "Mama, now Papa. Please, j-just do-don't."

Flabbergasted, Natsu could only watch as she let out a new wave of waterworks. "I don't…"

"Please!" Lucy pulled him closer until she was in his arms, her delicate form trembling against him and Natsu sucked in a sharp breath at how cold she felt against him.

Her hands pulled at his clothes, grappling his limbs, pulling the dead weight of his arms closed around her form over and over until he held them around her securely with renewed strength. She clawed down his back and stuffed her face into his neck and chest, repeating over and over the word, please. Natsu had never seen her like this before, he truly was at a loss.

"Please, please, please don't leave. I can't…please." Lucy got out in painful breaths.

Holding her even tighter after he realized just how serious she was. Natsu shushed her worries away. "I'm sorry Luce, I promise I won't leave. I promise."

"I-It hurts." The girl sniffed against his shirt, still holding him tight as he gently rocked their bodies side to side. "It hurts so much." She cried.

"I know, I know."

She shook her head against him. "All I wanted was for him to love me. After Mama died, I felt so lost…I was just a k-kid Natsu." It was a confusing change in topic; a different conversation that seemed to start in the middle of another conversation they hadn't had. But due to mental stress, something like topic whiplash was created which moved speech tumultuously to wherever her state of mind was at.

It didn't bother him, he still understood. Rather, he understood too well.

"H-He couldn't even look at me, fo-for months! Of the few times I saw him after she died, he never once looked in my direction. If I started to cry, he would scream at me and storm out of the room. H-How could you do that to a child?" Natsu felt her pain, the feeling tight and coiled as she dug her nails into his flesh.

She sniffed. "The years went by and I almost forgot who he was. He was always gone on one business trip after the other…the maids and butlers raised me more than anything. Yet, I still wanted him there. I-I still wanted my father. When he'd come back I did my best to be perfect, but perfect wasn't enough…I was never enough!" Lucy broke down then, crying fully into his chest.

Natsu felt her pain as it outpoured from her words onto his chest. His heart constricted as his own memories of his mother leaving him flashed through his mind. Before Igneel's death, that was the most traumatizing event in his life. The way she callously threw him aside and told her only child straight to his face that she never wanted him, that she hated him. He couldn't process those feelings as a child, it didn't make sense to him. Mothers were supposed to love their children. He couldn't make sense of what she said, he refused to.

Meanwhile, he projected his feelings of distraught onto his father. Blaming the man for his mother leaving instead. He had convinced himself that his father was the reason. Incidentally, he also rejected the comfort he needed at that moment from the man, the comfort of a parent who loved him. Much like Lucy, that missing component was detrimental to his development as a child and created the fissures in his heart that hadn't healed to this day.

If he could take a picture of this moment, he would probably look at it self-deprecatingly in the future. He and Lucy were two peas in a fucked up pod. Mommy-issues for him, daddy-issues for her.

Instead of laughing like he could imagine himself doing in the future, Natsu felt a deep void open in his heart. Lucy had unknowingly ripped open seams he had tried to glue, staple, and cement shut.

"It hurts…"

Natsu sniffed feeling an uncomfortable heat in his chest that didn't come from the alcohol, "I know," he said, tensing as he felt his emotions bubble over.

"Please, just make it stop." Lucy cried, tightening her arms around him. "Please."

"I want to," He just wished he knew how. Natsu kissed the crown of her head, hoping it could help soothe them both.

"Please, I don't want to feel it anymore." Lucy cried.

He kissed her once more on the side of her head as she roused.

Whimpering, she turned her head to get closer to him. He didn't think much of kissing her again, unconsciously doing the action as he rubbed her back and stared outside. The sun was actually starting to set at that point and the dimmed light was easing the strain on his eyes. When the girl nuzzled her head against him and cried once more he didn't think about it when he kissed her again, this time on her forehead.

Hearing Lucy hum her assent, he brushed his lips against the damp skin of her cheek, happy to feel that it was warming up and that her body was less cold against his.

"How do you feel?" He finally chanced a glance back at the girl, seeing her lashes flutter until he was met with her chocolate gaze.

"Kiss me."

Natsu's brows furrowed at the request and her blatantly ignoring his question but leaned down to kiss her regardless, albeit with trepidation. That time he left a soft peck against her nose. Pulling back, he expected her to finally answer him but instead, he was met with her oddly coquettish gaze.

"Kiss me…on my lips."

Now truly perturbed, Natsu framed his large hands around Lucy's face. The squish of her cheeks between his hands would have normally made him laugh any other day, but instead, he found himself trying to determine her state of mind more than anything else as his eyes shifted between hers, right to left. "What's going on Luce?"

"Please," she was once again on the verge of tears with a shaky moue across her lips and so, Natsu sighed before giving in.

As if she would break, he leaned in softly, breath catching as her hand glided up his arms and held tightly to his wrist, before placing his lips against hers. The sensation was ardent as ever initially, however, after a moment longer it felt sweet, like the last two puzzle pieces slated together in a set…it felt like home. In that moment he felt understood, like he belonged. Due to the somber silent notes in the air, it was admittedly a tad bittersweet, but Natsu didn't enjoy the feel of her soft full lips any less.

He enjoyed it so much so that when her mouth opened for a breath and he started to break their lips apart, he didn't stop her when she leaned forward and brought their lips back together again, this time with his bottom lip suckled between her sweet petals.

He understood that he should have stopped her when she slicked her tongue against the seam of his lips, urging his mouth to open against hers, but the sensation was euphoric and it had been too long since he last tasted her lips. With just a little prodding, she had him puffing harsh intoxicated breaths into her mouth as their tongues wetly tangled and slid.

For Lucy, this moment was exactly what she needed. Until then, she had juggled between feeling nothing at all or the worst emotions imaginable. To feel pleasure, to feel ecstasy, excitement, and lust was a joyful reprieve. When he grabbed her tightly along her waist, lifting her up before placing her in his lap, legs wrapped around his hips, she found that the closer angle helped his skillful lips pillage her sweet mouth, it was then that she understood why she needed more of this. The feeling of being cherished, desired—twisting her hips just so, so that her sodden center was forced to make quick introductions with his newly awoken member. She quaked at the blatant display of him wanting her. She would trade these feelings over the others tenfold.

Hands dug into his pink strands, trembling at first as she was overwhelmed with the shock of feeling once again after so long, then tugging once she felt his long digits curl around the downward slope of her ass.

Natsu groaned, sucking dutifully on her bottom lip until she whimpered, licking up against the back of her tongue and angling his head until he found the place just right for them to go back and forth with their tongues in a smooth, deep motion.

It was wet, it was hot, and it was amazing. A description their bodies were often familiar with.

They fed off of each other. Whatever she gave, he took; whatever he gave, she took—vice versa.

Natsu was drunk off of her kisses and Lucy was no better. It was drug-inducing, helping them fold into each other and dragging away their previous worries and woes as the world disappeared around them.

It wasn't until Lucy started pulling up at his shirt to glide her hands against his corded abs, then dragged the tips of her fingers down to his jeans and squeezed the unmistakable tent there that he sobered.

"Lu-Lucy," Natsu started, trying to pull away but the girl kept his mouth busy, moaning sweetly against his lips and murmuring 'please,' over and over again until he was putty once more.

As she sucked on his tongue, he felt the sensitivity shoot straight to the tip of his cock and he groaned. He didn't regain awareness until she was unclasping his belt, releasing his fly, and unzipping his jeans.

Her hand was almost palming his bare penis when he finally found himself, "Fu-fuck, Lucy you gotta stop." Natsu panted. The girl tried to distract him once more with kisses as she reached down to pull out his member but he grabbed her mischievous little hands before she could succeed. Firmly holding her dainty wrists, Natsu pulled her flush against him feeling their chests brush with each labored breath they exhaled.

It was then he realized just how stupified her little kisses had made him because she had already taken off her shirt and he was gifted with the beautiful naked skin underneath.

No matter how ruffled the girl got, Natsu thought she was still a sight to behold. Smooth soft skin, casting a golden glow against the waning sun greeted him. Her breasts stood proud without a bra to hold them in, perfectly round with perky mauve nipples pointed at him like a soldier's solute. The womanly curve of her hourglass hips brought his attention to the pink striped bikini cut of her panties, center nestled between the shapely stems of her trembling thighs hovering his own.

That was it, Natsu thought, she was definitely trying to kill him.

As if his day couldn't get any worse, now he had to let her down gently.

"Lucy…"

"No."

"Wh-What do you mean no?" Natsu growled.

Snatching her wrists from his hands, Lucy got up from the pink-haired man's lap.

Expecting a sigh of relief, Natsu was shocked when instead his body was zapped intensely with disappointment. He hadn't realized how deeply he desired intimacy with her, recognizing at that moment that that was what she was craving as well.

With a shake of his head and a quick swipe of his bangs away from his forehead, Natsu breathed deep knowing that it still wasn't right. They shouldn't be doing this while so emotionally unstable.

Hearing the sound of fabric moving, green eyes looked up before growing wide at the sight in front of him.

What he had predicted as Lucy rushing off, maybe a set of teary eyes glared his way in response to his rejection before she made her way to another room, was instead the girl peeling off the last article of her clothing down her sculpted legs before standing straight.

There before him was a beautiful sight. Probably the most beautiful that he'd ever seen. With the shine from the waning sun against her skin, she brightened his view. Dangerous curves and sensuous slopes directed his gaze this way and that, but it was her determined fired-up chocolate gaze that held him.

It was weird. It didn't feel like she was just brazzenly showing her body to him—a feat on its own that was a first. It felt like she was giving herself to him.

It was powerful but overwhelming. He felt honored but cursed.

Considering the circumstance, her reasoning couldn't have been pure.

"Natsu, I need you to show me you won't leave me."

A whoosh of breath left his mouth preparing himself to speak—

Lucy shook her head, "Please…I just need you to make the pain go away." Lips trembling and large doe eyes crinkling against said emotion that she was feeling, it would have been impossible for him to say no as he felt the exact same emotion that she was warring against.

With a sniff, the girl walked back towards him before sliding once more into his lap. Her gentle hands rubbed softly against his face and as he watched raptly as her eyes glossed over, he realized she could see the emotions he was going through as well.

They both needed this.

"Please, make love to me."

There was no use fighting it.


AN: So, fun fact, my first handful of times taking shots was very similar to Lucy's and probably even messier. 90% of the alcohol was all over my face and clothes, I was very uncoordinated. I feel shame, lmao.

The scene where Lucy and Natsu talk reminded me of the scene in the movie Kubo and the Three Strings, except, you know, this version is not for children lol. The one where his mother comes out of her empty shell-like state and becomes animated telling Kubo random stories. Obviously, this version is a lot less lighthearted.

It's weird, Lucy's situation or more so the aspects of her battling with shock are very similar to what I went through when my dad passed. So it felt very easy to write despite the morose tone. Like I said in the previous chapter, this is kinda therapeutic for me. Not that I'm trying to project my feelings completely into the story, but for this situation alone, I feel a lot of positive feelings while letting the story develop.

Moreover, I've seen a lot of toxic relationships in my life so like I said this is very cleansing and therapeutic to let it all out. The things I write may seem to be too much or disturbing, especially since I have Lucy and Natsu going through something harrowing then make them have sex with each other as a bandaid. The sex even comes off as degrading. But that's the point. Lucy needs to feel wanted, to feel like she has a place in someone's life strong enough that they won't leave her. Natsu needs to feel control like he can manage something enough that it won't leave or betray him. Its human nature to resort to sex or to use it as a medium for channeling those kinds of issues. People, especially those dealing with grief, don't make sense, so this story won't for a lot of points. I'm writing Natsu and Lucy like this, not because I feel like these beautiful little goobers have the propensity to do any of this in their world, but because amazing people can't help but be changed by their environment. This kind of story is also interesting to me because toxic relationships shouldn't not be told, they're bad sure but that's the whole point of stories, to have a moral lesson or relay experiences. Everyone isn't going to have a perfect relationship or a perfect way of thinking and those stories are valuable as well. It's good to read stories like these as much as healthy relationships. Even romanticizing them will be a natural inclination but we just have to remember it's for entertainment purposes only, this is not how I think people should behave or how relationships should form. This is a work of pure fiction.

Also, perhaps I'm watching too much Euphoria, haha.

Anyways, hopefully I'll get the next chap out soon. I had to break it up because this was already 23 pages on word, lord. It continues where we left off so if a lemon here doesn't vibe with you, you got a heads up. Also thinking of another time skip.

Please tell me what you guys think, this chappy was quite long, I almost fell asleep editing it, snore.