"This is a bad idea," Catherine mumbled. "Such a stupid fucking idea."

Tightening her grip on the steering wheel, she contemplated getting off at the next exit and turning around. Crippling guilt devoured her soul. It pecked away the last shreds of basic human decency she managed to hold on to.

This was all for what? she wondered.

So she could make Jimmy happy and hope he'd loosen the iron grip he still strangled her life with? So fleeting peace could be kept between the rivaling organizations for a little while longer?

Like everything in life, those came with a price. Already beaten down by a lifetime of armed conflict, gratuitous bloodshed, and more death than most people would ever experience, Catherine didn't think twice about using herself as a pawn. What made her feel like the worst scum of the Earth was her willingness to drag an innocent little boy through the mud with her.

Taking her eyes off the road just long enough to glance into the rearview mirror, Catherine ignored the sting of tears. Seeing Eamonn buckled into his booster seat, his attention focused on the lush green countryside outside the tinted window with a small paper cup in his hands nearly broke her down. He was none the wiser to what Catherine was doing. As the one person in this world who was supposed to protect him, this officially made her the worst mother in existence.

After taking Eamonn with her to visit Danny at Daisy Hill, Catherine bought his silence on where they were going next with a rare strawberry milkshake from McDonald's. She couldn't figure out which was worse – lying to Dessie in the first place about bringing Eamonn to Belfast, or bribing her son so he wouldn't accidentally make a sacrificial lamb out of her later.

Either way, Catherine knew she was screwed. With eyes and ears from Tralee to Belfast, she would be nothing short of a fool if she thought she'd get away with this. Dessie had the upper hand over Jimmy in that Catherine couldn't make a move in thirty-two counties—not a measly six—without her husband becoming privy to it.

It was early afternoon by the time she made it to Belfast. Parking in the carpark of Ormeau Park, Catherine grabbed the Chicago White Sox baseball cap off the passenger seat. She slipped her long ponytail through the hole in the back, and then slid on a pair of black sunglasses. Eamonn was a step ahead of Catherine, already unbuckled leaning over the backseat so he could rummage through the trunk for his tri-color football.

"Need help?" she asked, turning around in her seat, ready to lunge and grab his ankle if he went overbroad.

"Nope! I got it!"

With his football grasped tightly in his hands, Eamonn slid back down victoriously. Catherine got out of the SUV, tucking her keys under her arm before helping Eamonn jump out. Hand-in-hand, they crossed the carpark, walking leisurely along the path until they came across the playground.

It didn't take long for Eamonn to spot a couple of kids who'd been in his class at St. Matthew's. He couldn't shove the football into Catherine's hands fast enough so he could run off and play.

Staking claim on one of the swings, she checked her watch. Being late wasn't like Jimmy, so she made sure she didn't have a last-minute text message from him bailing on their plans.

Jimmy wasn't late, he was just having a hard time spotting Catherine who was trying to look as clandestine as possible. He spotted a woman wearing all black swaying slowly on the swing. The worn-out White Sox baseball cap tipped Jimmy off as it was a gift she specifically asked him to bring back for her on one of his trips to the Second City. He managed to go unnoticed by Eamonn as he was far too busy, but Catherine abandoned the swing when she saw Jimmy crossing through the grass.

"You're late," she lowly scold.

"Yeah, I know," he snapped back. "Any other day of the week Fi doesn't have two fuckin' words to say to me, but she's suddenly got somethin' to say as I'm walkin' out the door. You tell him I was comin'?"

"I didn't. I wanted it to be a surprise."

"Are you gonna stick around, or…? What's the plan?"

"Nah, I figured I'd give youse time alone. Gonna head over to the Falls; Nicola said she can squeeze me for a mani. Figured the three of us would hit up a chippy when I'm finished."

Jimmy didn't say it, though Catherine could tell by the way his body language relaxed he appreciated the gesture. Reaching into the pocket of his navy chinos, he pulled out his wallet. He held out a folded fifty pound banknote between his index and middle fingers.

"On me."

Hesitant at first to let Jimmy pay for her manicure, Catherine wasn't going pass up the chance to pamper on his dime. She snatched the note, slipping into the waistband of her leggings.

"I forgot, I'm gettin' waxed too, and stoppin' at Starbucks beforehand."

How could he say no?

He gave her another hundred, and then reached out to rub his knuckle along her upper lip.

"Doesn't feel like you need a wax."

"That's because it's not that kind of waxin', you daft prick." She swatted his hand away. "Think a wee further south."

Jimmy pursed his lips when he realized it was that kind of waxing.

"So I'm payin' for another man to enjoy your smooth fanny, huh?"

Catherine spoke before the words had a chance to filter through her brain. "If you play your cards right, maybe I'll let you see what you paid for."

"I'm holdin' you to that."

Catherine wanted to slap herself for saying something so stupid. Whenever she was around Jimmy, she never seemed to be able to think coherently. She needed to get out of there before any more words of wisdom slipped.

"You're gonna keep an eye on him, yeah?"

Jimmy rolled his eyes. "No, I was gonna leave him here to meet the lads for a pint and hope for the best. Seriously, Catherine? Of course I'm gonna keep a bloody eye on him."

"Point taken," she said, putting her hands up in defense. "Well, you have my number if ya need anything. I shouldn't be any longer than two hours. It's been a while, you're sure you'll be okay without me?"

"You don't trust me to take care of our boy for a few hours?"

Catherine could hear the irritation growing in Jimmy's voice, which was her warning to back off. She did trust his parenting abilities. She was just gun-shy after the last time when he dumped Eamonn on Fiona so he could go drink.

"I do trust you." Catherine took both of them by surprise when she went in for a hug goodbye. "Have fun. He's gonna be really excited to see you."

Catching notes of her clean, fruity-floral perfume, Jimmy had a hard time focusing on what she said. He pressed his hand to the small of her back and kissed her cheek before she pulled away.

With only a wave, Catherine took off on her walk back to the car. The playground wasn't quite out of sight yet, so she turned around just in time to watch Jimmy sneak up on Eamonn. She couldn't hear the words exchanged between them, but she felt her throat become painfully tight as Jimmy swopped Eamonn off his feet for a lung-crushing hug.

For Eamonn's sake, Catherine was thankful Jimmy was a halfway decent father. For her own, Catherine wished he wasn't. Because at least then she could justify keeping them apart.


Feeling fresh and armed with an iced coffee, Catherine made it back to the park to find Jimmy and Eamonn kicking the football around. She winced when she saw how reddened Eamonn's cheeks and arms had become, kicking herself for not remembering to bring sunblock. Tossing the nearly empty cup into the trash can, Catherine snuck up behind Eamonn. She held her index finger to her lips, signaling Jimmy to keep quiet about her presence. He went on as if she wasn't there.

When she got close enough to Eamonn, Catherine slightly crouched down and grabbed him by the sides. His shrill shriek turned into maniacal laughter upon realizing it was his mother lifting him into the air.

Resting his foot on top of the ball, Jimmy couldn't stop his wide, stupid smile. As Catherine moved Eamonn to dangle him upside down over her shoulder, his small hand knocked the baseball cap off Catherine's head. She tossed it to the ground after falling to her knees, gently body-slamming him to the ground. Bouncing to his feet, Eamonn jumped on Catherine.

Watching how the two played together without a care in the world made Jimmy feel like he had been kicked in the chest. Moving the ball to the side, Jimmy joined in on the dog-pile, taking the two of them down with him. This was what he wanted all the time. Catherine and Eamonn in Belfast with him – the three of them together as a family.


"He's dead to the world," Catherine chuckled.

Walking behind Jimmy, she licked her thumb and tried to wipe the smudge of dried chocolate ice cream off Eamonn's cheek. He was sound asleep, his head resting peacefully on Jimmy's shoulder as Jimmy carried him back to the house.

"Leave him alone," he chides. "All you'll end up doing is wakin' him up, and we both know he's way crabbier than you get if woken up from a nap."

Moving over to Jimmy's side, Catherine glared up at him. "Tough but fair."

At the end of the street, they stopped in front of the gate of Jimmy's house. Not ready to say goodbye just yet, Jimmy danced around asking Catherine to stay for a little longer.

"You gotta head back to Cross just yet?"

Catherine looked at her watch. It was just after five o'clock. She should be heading back south to pick up Sean from Kieran's. Irritated Dessie dumped Sean on Kieran's wife Hannah when he promised he'd be home all day working on Danny's nursery, Catherine decided he could worry about it.

"I can spare a few hours. What are you thinkin' O'Phelan?"

"I've got a bottle of that merlot you like. Figured we could order a pizza or somethin'; hang out and let him sleep."

Sucking her teeth, Catherine looked at Eamonn passed out in Jimmy's arms. If she tried buckling him into his booster seat now, it would surely wake him up. Jimmy was right to say Eamonn's attitude was terrible if his sleep was disturbed, so it was in everyone's best interest to let him snooze. Despite the nag in the pit of her stomach warning her to get back on the road, Catherine gave in.

"Yeah, I'd like that," she said.

Plus, there was something she needed to get off her chest.


Tucking her legs underneath her on the couch, Catherine tried to find the words she wanted to say.

"I have somethin' I need to ask you, but before I can do that, I need to confess somethin' to you."

Jimmy turned his head, furrowing his brow at Catherine as she took a sip of her wine. "The hell did you do?"

"Please don't be mad," she said while setting down her glass. "I requested a copy of your military records…and I got it."

A million and one questions were on the tip of his tongue.

"How did you manage to get it without me knowin'? I'm not dead yet – you'd need my approval."

"This is where I need you to remember how much you love me." Taking a deep breath, Catherine fully prepared for the fireworks. But to her, they were worth it if it meant getting the pieces of information she needed to put together the puzzle of the past. "I filled the form out as if I were you. When you went to Fermanagh, I snuck into yours and got all the information I needed off your discharge papers, and I made a copy of your passport. They also wanted a utility bill to prove your address so I stole one. And then I paid Kerrianne three-hundred quid to intercept the package before you or Fiona saw it."

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Jimmy didn't know where to start. He wanted to scream at her for invading his privacy. She didn't learn from the last time she broke into his safe. Hearing she made a copy of his passport and sent it to the Ministry of Defense when he knew ATF was sniffing into the gun supplier of SAMCRO, almost made him want to lose his mind.

But for him, there was a deeper issue here. Was she that terrified of just coming out and asking him about his time in the army that the risk of going behind his back was the more appealing option?

"You're a smart girl, but sometimes you do the stupidest fuckin' things. I can't even be mad at you for bein' that sneaky…I didn't have the slightest clue. Why didn't you just ask? I would've bloody told you anythin' you wanted to know, Catherine."

"I didn't have any questions about your service, per se. I guess you could say getting your records first was more of a test run for what I actually wanted."

"You better start explaining yourself." He picked up his glass of scotch, drowning nearly half of it in one go.

Catherine now regretted bringing it up, but there was no one else she could talk to about it. He was the only one who even acknowledged it in the first place.

"Like six years ago, you mentioned Filip joined, too."

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph," he groaned, knowing where this was going. "Don't start with that shite, Catherine. You're puttin' your nose in places where it doesn't belong."

"And I fully understand that. But knowin' my Ma, who has never stopped talkin' about her wee brother since he left, I couldn't figure out why for all these years she's never mentioned anythin' about him being in the army. It can't be because she's ashamed of him servin' Her Majesty. She was proud of Lorcan when he enlisted. If I asked her or Fiona, I knew they'd never even acknowledge it. If I asked you, you'd just brush it off. I jumped through bloody hoops to get Filip's records because I have none of his information, and there's no death certificate on account of the fact he isn't dead."

Jimmy rolled the glass between his hands. He did feel a bit sorry for Catherine. There were so many secrets no one was willing to talk about when all she wanted was the truth so she could try to make sense of events that impacted her life.

Shifting his weight, he cleared his throat. "Were you able to get it?"

"I did, only because I pretended to be Kerrianne. MOD didn't send me nearly the amount of information as they did when they thought I was you."

He chuckled at her attempted joke but then turned serious again. "Did you find somethin' you weren't expecting?"

"Aye."

"What did you find?"

While he already knew what she found, Jimmy wanted to hear Catherine say it.

"I found out why no one talks about it. He was court-martialed and dishonorably discharged. So," she took a breath, "the question I need to ask you is, why was he? What happened?"

Jimmy felt like he could breathe a little easier. Her knowing the least amount possible was the best outcome. At least this way no one had to explain anything.

"As much I want to tell you what happened, I can't, a chuisle."

"Why can't you? If you know what happened, you should!"

"No," he affirmed. "It's not my place to say anything. If Filip wants you to know what happened, he'll tell ya."

Catherine snorted. "And what do you suggest I do? Write him a wee letter? Give him a bell after nearly a year of no communication and casually ask why he was dishonorably discharged from the army?"

"My suggestion is that you fuckin' drop it and let it die. As I said, you're puttin' you nose somewhere it doesn't belong."

Frustrated, Catherine huffed. She snatched the scotch from Jimmy's hand and polished it off, needing something far stronger than wine.

Getting up off the couch, Jimmy disappeared into the kitchen and came back with another glass and a bottle of scotch. Tossing the cap on the coffee table, he poured two fingers into the glass she was holding and then three fingers for himself.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you," he said into the glass. "What happened…it was bad. You know how it works here – there are just some things that aren't spoken about and this is one 'em."

Catherine softly set the glass on the table beside the bottle. Jimmy's sudden rigid posture and how he poured himself more scotch after knocking back the previous shot rose Catherine's suspicion.

"You got dragged into it, didn't you?"

"Aye. Filip was my best mate. I did what I had to."

Catherine fell silent and Jimmy leaned back into the couch as he squeezed her thigh.

Frustrated, she had more questions than ever, though for now, she decided to heed his warning and let it go.

"I think it's safe to say Eamonn had fun today." She changed the subject.

"Yeah, I think so, too. What about you, did you have fun?"

Catherine coyly bit her lip, nodding.

That was good enough for him.

Setting his glass on the table, Jimmy reached out and cupped Catherine's cheek in his meaty hand. She softly nuzzled it, relaxing under the comfort of his thumb caressing her flesh.

"I swear, you look more and more beautiful every time I see you, a chuisle."

Catherine was at a loss for words, unsure if responding to his advance would be a good idea. This wasn't the playful flirtation they'd had earlier; she knew this was Jimmy trying to break her down. She wanted to move back out of his reach, yet her brain stalled her ability to physically go anywhere. Instead, Jimmy moved closer.

They locked eyes for a split second before Catherine broke her gaze to glance at his lips. Her heart pounded against her ribs, feeling the warmth radiating from Jimmy.

"Kiss me," she whispered hoarsely. "Please."

Not having to be told twice, Jimmy dipped his head. His lips brushed hers. Catherine placed her hand on the side of his neck, intoxicated not by the strong scotch, but by the wonderful, conflict-free day they shared.

Just before getting the chance to capture her mouth, Catherine's cellphone sprang to life on the table.

Instinctually, she looked over to the buzzing iPhone. Dessie read across the screen in white letters.

"Let it go to voicemail," Jimmy urged. He rested his forehead against her temple.

And she did.

Turning back towards him, Catherine took a breath and closed her eyes, feeling his hot breath against her flesh. He closed the gap between their lips, stopping when he was just a hair's breadth away.

Her phone rang again.

Catherine pulled fully away from the kiss, grabbing her phone. She swiped the screen to answer the call as Jimmy pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes. He nearly gagged when she said,

"Hey, baby, what's up?"

Except it wasn't Dessie. It was Mickey Ryan.

He was out of breath and stammering, "There…there…it was an accident! We fucked up and it just went off! Dessie…he's hurt, Catherine, you've gotta get to Dundalk."