Tuesday

Disclaimer: I don't own Vader. Palpatine does. Lucas owns Palpy and by extension Vader.

Enjoy…

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Vader purposefully strode down the hallway. When one is second-in-command of the entire Galactic Empire, walking does not quite cut it.

The fact that he was teaching sex ed was irrelevant.

One particularly annoying student was sitting outside the classroom. Crying. He ignored her and walked in. He sat at his desk, opened his briefcase, and waited for the bell.

Lee came stumbling in along with the rest of the class, seconds before it rang.

When everyone was situated, and role was finished, he asked the fateful question. "Did you do your homework?"

Lee's sobbing grew louder.

"Stop crying." He snapped. "What did you learn last night?"

"My-my sister, is psycho!" she wailed. "She made me…. she made me…she made me read smut!" and, as if this revelation was not bad enough "VADER SMUT!"

This was not what he had in mind.

"What's smut?" someone asked. They waited for Lee to answer. She could not.

Vader was quite incapable of comforting her. "Lee stop!" he commanded. "You're getting your desk wet!" this was obviously the wrong choice of words, she started wailing louder. "Lee, stop it now!" she kept on shaking her head and whimpering, but the sobbing subsided. "Anybody else learn something…disturbing about or from their guardians?"

"My Dad bought me a playboy."

"My parents are scared of me."

"My Mom told me to shut up."

"I'm adopted."

"Mommy gave me condoms and told me to be careful."

"Daddy says he's paying you to do this."

"My Dad tried to explain it…" one child began, "and then he went into some sort of Star Wars analogy, and he wasn't talking loud enough and I couldn't understand him."

Oh Force, Vader thought, Here we go…

"Yeah," Marc interrupted, "My Mom did the same thing, 'cept she used Jesus. Something about an immaculate conception, and why there's no way in hell—"

"What does that mean?"

"A virgin birth." Vader answered.

"Everyone is born a virgin!" snapped the tomboy, she was Force Smacked and Vader continued.

"When the mother is a virgin."

Marc got another one of those weird looks on his face and Vader dismissed him to go puke. The child whose father had used the Star Wars analogy raised his hand, "Does that mean that your mom and the Force…" his voice trailed off. "EWWW!"

Vader had never thought of it like that. Lee wailed again. "My mother is not up for discussion. Lee, are you okay?" She clapped her hands over her eyes and nodded. Marc returned to the room looking rather pale. He'd thought children were more resilient than this. "You're going to have to uncover your eyes for the movie."

She shook her head. "I'll listen." She whispered.

"You'll watch." He turned on the projector and pried Lee's hands off her eyes with the Force. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy; her sister had probably traumatized her for life. "Today we are examining menstruation and other aspects of the feminine reproductive cycle in further detail…yes Karen?"

"Why?"

"Ladies first."