Phantom of the Elementary
August 11, 2022
6 AM
J.D. woke from his slumber, minutes before his alarm clock would have buzzed, waking him up for work anyways. He shut it off to keep it from waking the wifey, who was still lost in peaceful dreams.
He sat up and let out what was supposed to be a quiet yawn, but instead he uncontrollably let out a sound that could have been mistaken for a dying whale.
That caused the wifey to wake up. Most days she might have been somewhat upset about getting woken up by such an annoying sound, but today wasn't most days, today was J.D.'s 46th birthday. "Happy birthday, honey." She said softly just before rolling back over to get a little more shut-eye.
"Thanks." J.D. whispered, putting his hand on her shoulder, hoping she could get back to sleep easily.
He got up from out of the bed and stretched a couple limbs, almost letting out another whale-like yawn, but catching himself just in time, placing his hand over his mouth before the deep moan could exit through his vocal-cords.
He then crept towards the bathroom, looking back to make sure the wifey hadn't moved. It was still a bit dark, but he heard no sense of motion from her.
Suddenly, just before entering the bathroom, the family dog, who had been lying still at the foot of the bed, noticed that J.D. was awake and moving about.
J.D. turned around. He knew exactly what the dog was about to do next, so he tried putting his hand out, whispering the word "NO" as quietly as he could. Despite J.D.'s best effort, the dog was too excited and then jumped off of the bed, and despite his small frame, he could make quite a loud thump when his paws hit the floor.
Then, the dog ran up to J.D. and began jumping up and down to get some attention, panting loudly as if he had just ran ten miles in the scorching heat. "Shhhh… Pepper. You're going to wake mommy." J.D. warned.
"It's okay. Mommy's awake." His wifey muttered, throwing off the blanket which was covering her, getting out of bed, and brushing past J.D. to get to the bathroom before him. "I'll make you a small birthday breakfast after I get out." She mentioned just before shutting the door.
J.D. looked down at the dog, which was still posturing for attention, madly wagging its tail back and forth. "You dodged a big one that time, buddy." J.D. said while bending down to pet the dog. "You're lucky it's daddy's birthday, or we might have been eating YOU for breakfast." He teased, stroking the dogs back.
After giving the dog a little bit more attention, J.D. walked over to his closet to search for something to wear. Normally he would wear something a bit 'humdrum,' on the dressy side, because he was a fifth grade teacher at an elementary school, but today was his birthday, so he wanted to wear something different, something that would manage to get the attention of the faculty members and his fifth grade students. He was a huge fan of the comic book character, Batman, so he slid open the side closet door where his entire cosplay outfit of Batman was hanging separately from his other clothes. He almost picked it up from off of the hanger, but then he thought about it for a second. "Nah, I don't need THAT much attention." He said, looking back down at the dog as if he was seeking his opinion. The dog seemed to agree by nodding his head off to the side. "Smart dog." J.D. praised.
J.D. then glanced over to the other side of the closet where a few of his Batman themed t-shirts were hanging. He began sliding them left to right, trying to find the best one. Finally he decided upon a t-shirt that showed Batman in an action stance with a backdrop silhouette of Gotham City behind him. "Here we go. That's the one." J.D. declared, once again looking down at Pepper, the dog nodding again as if he agreed with his choice.
6:40 AM
After enjoying a fresh plate of eggs and toast that his wifey made for him, J.D. gave her a kiss, petted the dog one last time, and headed off to work.
7 AM
As J.D. entered the school, the Batman t-shirt he was wearing was doing exactly what he had hoped it would do, causing the faculty members to take notice immediately. "Nice shirt!" The vice principal blurted as he exited from his office. "And… HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"
J.D. smiled. "Thank you!" He replied, continuing to strut towards the teacher's lounge, wanting to get his lunch put away in the fridge before heading off to his classroom.
Just as he opened the door to the lounge- "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Several of the other teachers yelled out aloud.
J.D. playfully clutched his chest as if he was having a heart attack due to the sudden attention he was receiving. "Aww… Thank you so much!" He said, taking a bow as if he had just performed in a play on Broadway.
He then walked over to the refrigerator and opened it up so that he could put his lunch away for later. One of the female teachers approached him. "Nice t-shirt. It will definitely draw some attention towards you today."
J.D. turned to look. "Thank you, Ms. Haley. I assure you that wasn't my intention." He jokingly responded, making it obvious that seeking attention was indeed his true purpose for wearing it. "How was your first day back to school with the kids yesterday? I heard the Kerrington boy got himself into some trouble already."
"Yeah. Lucky me. We have three fourth grade classes, and the little bastard had to end up in mine." She whispered a bit loudly, looking around to make sure nobody else heard her. Not that it would have mattered, everyone that ever taught a class with Joseph Kerrington knew he was quite a handful. Laughing, giggling, shooting spit wads, releasing nasty stink bombs in the boy's restroom. Last year he even managed to blow up part of the science lab when he brought a dysfunctional volcano into the school for his science fair project.
J.D. made a concerned face, acknowledging that he felt bad for Ms. Haley. He then whispered back at her. "Yeah, I hope when… ahem… if… he graduates fourth grade, he doesn't end up in my class next year." He reluctantly stated. "Good luck with him this year though. Hopefully your classroom doesn't catch fire." He sarcastically joked as he exited the faculty lounge, heading towards his classroom.
7:40 AM
The final bell rang, letting the students know that they should be in their classrooms by now. J.D. shut the door and locked it after all the children were seated.
Some of the children giggled aloud when they noticed he was wearing a Batman t-shirt.
"Okay. Okay. I know why you are laughing. But… Do you know why I'm wearing this shirt today?" He asked the class.
"Because you're gay!" One of the boys blurted, causing several of the students to start laughing again.
"Hey! That will be enough of that, Oswald!" J.D. exclaimed. "We don't say things like that around here. Another outburst like that and I will have to send you to the principal's office." He scolded.
"Sorry, Mr. D." Oswald apologized, showing a smirk on his face.
"I know why you are wearing that shirt today, Mistah D." Harleen piped up. "It's because today is your birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MISTAH D!" She announced with an abundance of joy.
"Correct! And, thank you!" He replied. "Now, where are my gifts?" He playfully asked. "I'm just kidding. But… If any of you flunk my class, you better remember next year."
Just then, he noticed someone looking into his classroom through the window of the classroom door. He turned to get a better glance, but the mysterious figure walked away before he could get a glimpse of what he looked like. "Hold on for one second, everybody. Someone just peeked through the door and I want to see who it was." He said, quickly walking towards the door.
When he looked out of the window he could see a tall skinny gentleman looking into some of the other classrooms. The strange man was wearing a bright purple suit. He was obviously seeking some of his own attention with an outfit like that. "Perhaps it is also HIS birthday," J.D. thought to himself.
It bothered J.D. that someone was simply able to roam the halls so freely. "Surely someone must have let him in. Perhaps he was looking for a certain classroom."
J.D. decided to investigate. "Everyone stay in your seats. I'll be right back." He instructed the class, unlocking the door and headed out into the hallway to confront the stranger.
As he got closer he could hear the gentleman humming a song. He wasn't quite sure what the song was, but that wasn't important.
"Is there something I can help you with, sir?" J.D. announced as he approached the tall lanky gentleman.
The man turned around and faced J.D. "Nope. I don't need any help. I'm just looking for a good place to put a bomb." The man replied with a serious expression on his long face.
"What?" J.D. questioned, taken back by such a strange remark.
The long-faced man grinned. "I'm joking, of course."
"Ha." J.D. chuckled. "As long as you don't place the bomb near my classroom, we'll be okay." He playfully retorted.
"Oh really? And what classroom would you think deserves to get bombed the most… hypothetically, of course?"
"Hypothetically, that's an easy one. It would be Ms. Haley's fourth grade class." J.D. replied.
"Oh really? And why is that?"
"There is a terrible trouble maker named Joseph Kerrington who torments everyone in that class. He's a bad seed, likes to hurt people."
"I like him already!" The man proclaimed, laughing aloud, causing an echo throughout the hallway. "Perhaps I'll wait for that class to go to recess before I blow up the school. Ha Ha! I wouldn't want to cause little Joseph more reasons to act out."
"Right." J.D. replied. "So… All joking aside… What are you actually doing here?" He inquired.
"All joking aside, I am actually here because my son Jack forgot his lunch at home and I wanted to bring it to him." The gentleman replied, holding up a purple lunchbox.
"Ah. I see." J.D. made notice of the lunchbox. "You and your son really like the color purple, don't you?"
The gentleman looked down at his purple suit. "Yeah, it certainly is MY favorite color." He replied. "I see you are a fan of Batman. Is that normal dress attire for a teacher?"
"Oh, no, I wore it because today is my birthday. I left my teacher's clothes at home today." J.D. replied. "So, your son, you said his name is Jack? What is Jack's last name? Maybe I could help you find his class."
"Oh, that's okay. I'm sure I'll find it. But thanks anyway. I hope you have a blast today, since it's your birthday and all." The gentleman replied, continuing to make his way down the hallway, and also continuing to hum a tune.
"Well… That was certainly weird," J.D. muttered to himself as he walked back towards his classroom.
As soon as he got back to his classroom and locked the door, J.D. called down to the front office. "Hey, do you guys know there is some strange looking man wandering the halls? He said he was looking for his son's classroom."
"Not to my knowledge." The front desk secretary replied. "Should I send a security guard to look?"
"That might not be a bad idea." J.D. replied. "You can't miss him. He is wearing a bright purple suit.
"Alright. I'll send someone to go take a look right away."
9 AM
J.D. walked his class down the hall and dropped them off with the music teacher. He enjoyed the forty-five minutes of peace because it allowed him ample time to grade papers and check his phone for current events.
Before going back to his classroom, he decided to stop by the teacher's lounge to grab a Diet Pepsi. After chugging down the Diet Pepsi, he had a sudden urge to use the restroom. He decided to use the restroom near the teacher's lounge before walking all the way back to his classroom. But, upon opening the bathroom door, he was shocked at the sight of a gruesome discovery. The school security guard was lying in the corner of the bathroom, covered in blood, a pool of crimson oozing out beneath him. He tried quickly making his way over to the security guard because he wanted to check for a pulse to see if he was still alive, but upon doing so, he slipped on the blood and fell face-first in it causing him to also be covered in the blood.
Instead of trying to stand back up he decided it would be simpler to crawl the rest of the way. He then checked for a pulse, but there wasn't one.
He reached into his pocket, pulled out his phone, and tried dialing 9 1 1, but there was too much blood on his fingertips and the touchscreen wouldn't respond correctly.
"Help!" He cried out, praying someone would hear him.
Finally, after screaming for help a couple more times, the janitor opened the restroom door, appalled at the sight of so much blood. "MY GOD! WHAT HAPPENED!?" The janitor exclaimed, trying to get into the bathroom.
"STOP! Don't come too close. There is a lot of blood and you could slip in it and fall like I did. Just call the police and try to go get some help.
The janitor quickly dashed off.
J.D. tried standing up, but his dress shoes wouldn't allow him any traction, causing him to look like a helpless baby deer.
He then tried grabbing onto the bathroom stall handle, but his fingers had too much blood on them to get a good grip and they kept sliding off. Just then, he noticed something sitting in the corner of one of the stalls near the toilet. His eyes widened when he realized what it was.
"A PURPLE LUNCHBOX!?" He proclaimed. "The clown that was roaming the halls must have done this!"
He crawled over to the lunchbox and pulled it closer to him. He then examined it, hoping to see what was inside, but it was locked. He then shook it and held it close to his ear.
TICK TOCK
TICK TOCK
TICK TOCK
"CRAP! It's a bomb! That maniac was serious about blowing up the school!" He exclaimed while looking over the lunchbox, trying to figure out a way to shut it off.
Seconds later, two police officers stormed through the bathroom door. They first saw all the blood and then they noticed J.D. hovering over the dead body. "FREEZE! DON'T MOVE!" One officer yelled out, drawing his gun and pointing it at J.D.
"Wait!... What?! I didn't do this! It was a man that looked like the Joker!" J.D. exclaimed.
"Sure, and I suppose you are Batman!" The officer retorted.
J.D. looked down at his t-shirt. "I know what this looks like, but I swear I had nothing to do with it. In fact, I tried stopping it from happening earlier!" He declared.
One of the officers tried stepping closer.
"WAIT! DON'T COME ANY CLOSER! THERE IS A BOMB IN THIS LUNCHBOX AND IT COULD GO OFF AT ANY SECOND!" He warned.
One of the police officers got on his walkie-talkie. "Have the principal clear out the school. This nut job has a bomb on him."
"Nut job?! I just told you I had nothing to do with this. IT WAS THE JOKER!"
Suddenly J.D. heard the lunchbox starting to tick louder. "CRAP! I THINK IT'S ABOUT TO BLOW!"
TICK TOCK
TICK TOCK
TICK TOCK-
BANG! A small explosion went off, but it wasn't enough to hurt anyone. After the smoke cleared and the dust settled, there was a large white flag protruding from out of the lunch box that read "BANG!" It was a fake bomb. A cruel joke that mimicked what the Joker would have done in the comics.
"I told you it was the Joker!" J.D. proclaimed.
One of the officers got back on his walkie-talkie. "You can tell the principal he doesn't need to evacuate the school. The bomb was a fake."
"Whew!" J.D. acted relieved, trying to stand up.
"DON'T YOU MOVE, WHACKO! WE ARE TAKING YOU IN FOR FIRST DEGREE MURDER!" The officer demanded, finger tightly pressed on the trigger.
"I told you it wasn't me! It was the Joker!"
9:40 AM
J.D. was handcuffed and sitting in the back of a police squad car. He couldn't believe what had transpired, on his birthday of all days. He felt confident, upon a thorough investigation of the crime scene, he wouldn't be held accountable for what happened to the security guard.
Moments later, the squad car pulled out of the parking lot and onto the road. As they drove past the school, J.D. could see some of the kids heading out for recess. He wasn't sure which class it was at first until he saw Joseph Kerrington. He knew it was him because he could see that Joseph was already badgering a couple of the other students.
"Oh crap! It's the fourth grade recess!" J.D. exclaimed as the revelation entered his mind.
"Yeah, what about it, Whacko?" The driving officer asked.
KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
