Phantom of the Elementary 7

August 11, 2022

6 AM

J.D. woke from his slumber, minutes before his alarm clock would have buzzed, waking him up for work anyways. "OUCH!" He exclaimed, quickly sitting up, head and body hurting even worse than before after being involved with two explosions, getting shot in the back twice, getting run over by a semi-truck, and now having his head squashed by the folding bleachers. "What was in that silver briefcase Ms. Haley brought back to the prop room?" J.D. blurted.

That caused the wifey to wake up. Most days she might have been somewhat upset about getting woken up by such an annoying sound, but today wasn't most days, today was J.D.'s 46th birthday. "Happy birthday, honey." She said softly just before rolling back over to get a little more shut-eye.

"Yes, go back to sleep. I think I finally know who did this. And it all makes sense now." J.D. proclaimed, turning off the alarm, and keeping the family dog from jumping off the foot of the bed.

J.D. thought for a second. "You know what? It's my birthday! I think I do want some damn eggs and toast." J.D. finally realized how this day was going to go. He already knew what he had to do. The bomb wouldn't go off until after 9:40 AM and he knew right where it was. He could completely take his time. Therefore he took the dog and dropped him onto the floor, causing the dog to make the thud he normally would have made if he were to jump off. "Oh no, Pepper." J.D. joked. "Mommy needs her sleep."

"It's okay. Mommy's awake." His wifey muttered, throwing off the blanket which was covering her, getting out of bed, and brushing past J.D. to get to the bathroom before him. "I'll make you a small birthday breakfast after I get out." She mentioned just before shutting the door.

"I know." J.D. smirked. "AND, if I follow you down to the kitchen, you will also cook me some bacon."

6:40 AM

After enjoying his breakfast, J.D gave his wifey one last kiss, grabbed his lunch, and then headed off to work. His wifey waved bye as he pulled out of the driveway. This time J.D noticed her waving and he then waved back. Any other day his music would have been blaring, but today was different. No blaring music, just a calm serenity.

7:00 AM

J.D. entered through the front of the school. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" The principal blurted as he exited from his office.

J.D. smiled. "Thank you!" He replied, continuing to strut towards the teacher's lounge, wanting to get his lunch put away in the fridge before heading off to his classroom.

Just as he opened the door to the lounge- "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Several of the other teachers yelled out aloud.

J.D. playfully clutched his chest as if he was having a heart attack due to the sudden attention he was receiving. "Aww… Thank you so much!" He said, taking a bow as if he had just performed in a play on Broadway.

He then walked over to the refrigerator and opened it up so that he could put his lunch away for later. One of the female teachers approached him. "Nice t-shirt. It will definitely draw some attention towards you today."

J.D. turned to look. "Thank you, Ms. Haley. I assure you that wasn't my intention." He jokingly responded, noticing she didn't have the silver briefcase with her. "How was your first day back to school with the kids yesterday? I heard the Kerrington boy got himself into some trouble already."

"Yeah. Lucky me. We have three fourth grade classes, and the little bastard had to end up in mine." She whispered a bit loudly, looking around to make sure nobody else heard her. Not that it would have mattered, everyone that ever taught a class with Joseph Kerrington knew he was quite a handful. Laughing, giggling, shooting spit wads, releasing nasty stink bombs in the boy's restroom. Last year he even managed to blow up part of the science lab when he brought a dysfunctional volcano into the school for his science fair project.

J.D. made a concerned face, acknowledging that he felt bad for Ms. Haley. He then whispered back at her. "Yeah, I hope when… ahem… IF… he graduates fourth grade, he doesn't end up in my class next year." He reluctantly stated. "Good luck with him this year though. Who knows, maybe the school will blow up and you won't have to worry about him anymore." He sarcastically joked as he exited the faculty lounge, heading towards his classroom.

7:40 AM

The final bell rang, letting the students know that they should be in their classrooms by now. J.D. shut the door and locked it after all the children were seated.

Some of the children giggled aloud when they noticed he was wearing a Batman t-shirt.

"Okay. Okay. Settle down. I know why you are laughing. But… Do you know why I'm wearing this shirt today?" He asked the class. "I'm sure Oswald knows."

"Because you're gay!" Oswald blurted, causing the other students to start laughing again.

"Okay, that's enough of that. You're lucky I am in a good mood today."

"I know why you are wearing that shirt today, Mistah D." Harleen piped up. "It's because today is your birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MISTAH D!" She announced with an abundance of joy.

"Correct! And, thank you!" He replied. "Now, where are my gifts?" He playfully asked. "I'm just kidding. But… If any of you flunk my class, I expect you to remember next year."

Just then, he noticed someone looking into his classroom through the window of the classroom door. He already knew exactly who it was. "Hold on for one second, everybody. Someone just peeked through the door and I want to see who it was." He said, quickly walking towards the door. "Everyone stay in your seats. I'll be right back." He instructed the class as he unlocked the door and headed out into the hallway to confront the stranger.

As he got closer he could hear the gentleman humming a song. He wasn't quite sure what the song was, but that wasn't important.

"Hey there Arthur, are you looking for your son's classroom?" J.D. announced as he approached the tall lanky gentleman. "I can take that lunchbox to him."

Arthur turned around. "How did you know I was looking for my son's classroom? How do you know I don't have a bomb?"

"Oh, I have a hunch it's not a bomb. At least not a real one anyways." J.D. chuckled, snatching the purple lunchbox from out of Arthur's hands.

J.D. then shook the lunchbox. "Oh, it'll be a hot time in the old town tonight… Am I right, Arthur?"

"Sure, pal. Just make sure my son Jack gets it."

J.D. looked down at the lunchbox. It had Jack's name on it. "Wait a second! Your son's name is Jack Haley? Then, that means your name must be Arthur Haley?" J.D. asked. Things were starting to piece together even more.

"That's right." Arthur replied. "What about it?"

"Oh… Nothing. I'll make sure Jack gets it before he goes to lunch." J.D. replied, allowing Arthur to go on his merry way.

J.D. remembered letting Arthur go on the first day, but he also remembered calling down to the office, having them send the school security guard to check Arthur out. This time J.D. wasn't going to call for the security guard. That would allow the security guard to remain at his workstation, which in turn, wouldn't allow him to stumble upon the janitor's drug operation, which also in turn, would save the security guard's life.

9 AM

J.D. walked his students down the hall and dropped them off with the music teacher. He enjoyed the forty-five minutes of peace because it allowed him ample time to grade papers and check his phone for current events. But today he had to take care of something much more important. On the first day that started repeating itself J.D. went to get a Diet Pepsi that he had placed in the refrigerator of the teacher's lounge, but instead of doing that he went to the backstage prop room. After that he decided to go grab his Diet Pepsi.

Before entering the teacher's lounge J.D. stumbled across the janitor. It looked as if he was tweaking a little. J.D. decided to harass him for a little bit. "Man! I have a splitting headache! I wish I had something to take the edge off!" J.D. exclaimed, loud enough for the janitor to hear him.

"Hey, pal, is everything okay?" The janitor asked.

"No. I was listening to the radio a bit too loud earlier and now I have a terrible headache. I always turn up the radio when that song by Eric Clapton comes on. You probably know it. It's called… Cocaine."

"I sure do. Great song!" The janitor replied. "You know, I might have something to help you get rid of that headache."

"Oh really? I'll try anything." J.D. piped up.

"Great. I can't give it to you out here though. Too many cameras. Let's go into the restroom."

J.D. followed the janitor into the restroom. The last time J.D. had been in there it was a bloody mess. This time it was nice and clean. No dead security guard.

J.D. followed the janitor back to the last stall. In the stall was the janitor's supply.

"How much do you want?" The janitor asked.

"All of it!" J.D. replied, taking hold of the cocaine and dumping it into the toilet.

He then grabbed hold of the janitor's head and slammed it into the porcelain toilet lid causing the janitor to suddenly see stars floating around his head. "Did you really think I was going to let you sell me cocaine?" J.D. exclaimed, slamming the janitor's head into the side of the stall causing him to slump over the toilet unconscious. "Your operation is over!" J.D. declared, shoving the janitor's head down inside the bowl of the toilet and letting him drown, submerged in his own supply.

9:30 AM

BANG! The purple lunchbox exploded in the cafeteria right on cue, causing a large powdery mess. "I guess Jack must have opened his lunch." J.D. thought to himself as he exited the school, heading out onto the playground and waiting for the fourth-grade class to head out to recess.

9:38 AM

Ms. Haley was surprised when she saw J.D. standing in the middle of the playground. "What are you doing out here? Don't you have to get your students from the music class soon?" She asked, checking her watch a couple times.

"Why do you keep checking your watch? Are you expecting something to happen soon?" J.D. retorted.

"I'm not sure what you mean." Ms. Haley answered.

"Don't play dumb with me! I know what you were planning on doing to the school!"

"I am lost right now. I honestly don't know what you are talking about."

J.D. pulled out his Bat-binoculars and handed them to Ms. Haley. "Let's see if I can refresh your memory. Take a look across the street. Do you recognize that car sitting there?"

Ms. Haley held the binoculars up to her eyes and gazed through them. "Wait. That's my car! How did my car get over there?" She asked, feeling confused.

"Take a look at what is sitting on the dashboard of the car." J.D. insisted.

Ms. Haley took a closer peek. "Is that my briefcase?"

"Exactly! Or do you mean, 'Is that my bomb?"

"What? What are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I am talking about! All the pieces have perfectly added up!"

"Please, enlighten me!" Ms. Haley retorted, giving J.D. attitude.

J.D. took a deep breath. "Okay! On the first day of my birthdays you acted like you were seriously upset that Joseph Kerrington was in your class this year. In fact, you were so mad that you decided to blow up the school, but in a few more seconds, the only thing that is going to blow up is your car!" J.D. declared.

He took another deep breath. "You found out that Joseph was building a gigantic volcano behind the stage in the prop room and you wanted to make it look as if he blew up the school. Then, you made your husband, Arthur, bring in a fake bomb, so that nobody would discover the real one you left inside of Joseph's volcano. But I found it and stuck it in your car!"

Ms. Haley looked very upset. She then took a deep breath of her own. "First of all, after I discovered that Joseph was building a volcano in the prop room, I brought in the briefcase because it has plans in it showing him how to build it properly. Last year his volcano set the science lab on fire, I didn't want that to happen to my classroom… AND… as far as my husband goes, he and Jack are always playing pranks on each other. I didn't even know about the lunchbox gag until I heard the bang. And now you are telling me that you are about to blow up my car!"

J.D. wasn't sure if she was lying or not, but her explanation certainly seemed plausible. "So, if there isn't a bomb in the briefcase… then that means-"

J.D. turned to look at Joseph Kerrington. Joseph began harassing a couple of the students. "Oh crap! Not again!"

KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!


August 11, 2022

6 AM

J.D. woke from his slumber, minutes before his alarm clock would have buzzed, waking him up for work anyways. He quickly sat up. "WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME!? I'M LOSING MY MIND!"