Disclaimer: I don't own the Total Drama series, the Friday Night Funkin franchise, DDLC, or any modded characters that appears in this work.


"Blah blah" - Normal dialogue

'Blah blah' - Normal thoughts

"Blah blah" - Translated beeps

"Blah blah" - Enraged/Demon/? dialogue


Total Funkin' Island

Season 1

Episode 1 - At the Gates of Hell


"To complete the hardest journey we need to take only one step at a time, but we must keep on stepping." ~ Chinese proverb


(On a boat)

"Hey Boyfriend, look! I think I can see the island!" Girlfriend exclaimed, poking her blue-haired partner multiple times on the shoulder to wake him up.

"Huh, what?" Boyfriend started, half-asleep. He turned towards the window next to his seat, watching as a tropical volcanic island on the horizon grew larger and larger by the second. His face turned ecstatic. "Aw yeah, this is going to be so awesome! I still can't believe your dad was able to get us into a game show. Sure beats him trying to kill me every week!"

Girlfriend giggled. "I know right! He said it is a token of apology, a way 'to enjoy what little time you have left.'"

"Enjoy what little time I have left?" Boyfriend repeated, pondering for a second before an annoyed expression crossed his face. "He thinks I am going to get eliminated early! You'd think he would stop underestimating me by now," he huffed, crossing his arms.

A lightbulb lit up in his head. He had just the perfect idea. "Hey babe, I'll bet you a hundred dollars I can make it through this entire season without saying a single word."

The auburn haired beauty let out a gasp. "No way. You won't make it past the first week!"

A confident grin spread across his face. "Beep."

"Oh, you're on. "


(Camp Hades: Dock of Shame)

A lone figure stood on the edge of the aged, rickety docks of Hades Island, the largest of several tropical islands no man had dared step foot on for nearly half a century…Until now!

The tanned, middle-aged man put the final touches on his crisp and clean appearance before flashing the camera drone in front of him with his signature smile. The recording light turned green. Showtime.

"Yo! I am your host, Chris McLean, and we are coming to you live from Camp Hades, dropping Season One of the hottest new reality TV show in the universe, right now!"

He strode towards the center of the dock so that the campground, the surrounding jungle, and the towering volcano was visible in the backdrop.

"We found twenty-six of the wildest, most interesting freaks to spend three months on this remote archipelago. They will face each other in challenges which will test their strength, bravery, intelligence, charisma, and dumb luck. After each challenge the winners will receive a special award while the losers will have to face the judgment of their peers!"

The camera then panned towards the campfire pit. Two rows of logs just big enough to sit on lined up in front of a stack of firewood. A podium stood to the side where several sticks with a giant marshmallow resting on their tips stood waiting.

Chris walked over to the podium where he grabbed one of the sticks and took a bite of the sugary treat. "Their fates will be decided here at the dramatic campfire ceremonies! If a camper doesn't receive one of these delicious marshmallows, they will walk down the Dock of Shame, take a ride on the Loser Boat, and leave the island forever."

Finishing his treat, he tossed the stick to the side. "In the end, only one competitor will be left standing and will be rewarded with cheesy tabloid fame, a lifetime of burning regret, and the grand prize of Ten. Million. Dollars!"

The screen then flashed through scenes of various beasts and monsters inhabiting the forbidden archipelago. "To survive they will have to face off against ferocious predators, hazardous landscapes, eldritch abominations, and worst of all…" The camera turned back to Chris whose grin grew even wider. "Each other!"

"Who will crumble under the pressure? Whose light will shine brighter than the rest? Who can prove to the world they have what it takes to be the best? Find out right here on Total. Funkin'. Island!"

[Cue Theme Song]

xXx

"It is time to meet our unfortunate sou- I mean our lucky contestants!" Chris peered out at the horizon to see a sleek white boat approaching the island. "Looks like the first ones are coming up now."

The instant the boat touched the dock, two teens rushed out each carrying oversized backpacks. Boyfriend let out an enthusiastic beep while Girlfriend waved cheerfully at the celebrity host.

Chris paused for a moment as he stared at the neon-haired teen. 'Ah, so this is the one Daddy D wants me to get rid of. Hehehe, sucks to be you kid. Better you than me though!'

His signature grin returned to his face. "Welcome to Total Funkin' Island! Mind introducing yourselves?"

The auburn-haired girl beamed at the celebrity host. "Hi! He's Boyfriend and I'm Girlfriend!"

Chris raised an eyebrow at the peculiar names before shrugging. Meh, he can run with it. Few things churn out gushing ratings from the public like game show couples anyways.

It didn't take long before the next boat arrived at the island. Three more teens strolled onto the docks, one a boy with unkempt ginger hair, another a dark-skinned boy with an oversized flat top, and the last an Asian girl wearing a pink dress.

"Pico, Darnell, and Nene, welcome to the party!" Chris greeted the trio.

Pico whistled as he glanced at the dodgy, hastily-built cabins composing the campgrounds. "Damn, this is a bigger shithole than I thought it'd be."

The ginger expected an annoyed or offended reaction from the celebrity host, but much to his surprise however, Chris just laughed. "Well, better make yourself at home! Though I do believe you will find yourself in good company."

Pico raised an eyebrow. The hell was that supposed mean? He could hardly trust the two idiots he brought along with him. He doubted he would get along better with whoever else decided to sign up for this shit show.

It wasn't until he noticed the two oh so familiar faces at the other end of the docks that he understood instantly what Chris meant.

"Oh for fuck's sake… Of course you would wind up here too," Pico groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose as he glared at Boyfriend and Girlfriend.

Boyfriend let out a beep that sounded much like a taunt causing Girlfriend to stifle a giggle.

Darnell snickered. "Holy shit, you actually did manage to make friends with your target. Damn dude, always knew you were getting soft."

Pico shot the pyromaniac a glare. "Keep running your mouth and I will show you soft you grenade-gargling… gack! What the hell, Nene?!"

Nene rolled her eyes as she twirled the knife she used the hilt of to bash the ginger across the head with. "If you two are going to kill each other, at least have the decency to kill me first."

Chris chuckled. "Oh believe me, there will be plenty of opportunities for that."

The next boat came shortly after, dropping off what looks to be a pink nun with a Neapolitan face along with a towering pale man wearing a gray winter jacket, an ushanka, and an ornate ribbon that wrapped around the side of his head like a makeshift eyepatch.

"Why hello everyone~!" The nun sang cheerfully as she strolled her way towards the host, giving him a bow. "It is such a blessing that you accepted us to your show, Chris!"

"Not a problem, Sarvente! Glad you and Ruv could make it," Chris grinned, nodding towards the duo.

Ruv took one look at the island and then towards the teens standing on the docks before sending an annoyed glance at Sarvante. "This is your idea of a vacation?"

Sarvante huffed. "Of course! This is the perfect opportunity for us to enjoy nature, share the Good News, and pay off those organizations from sending hunters after us… again."

"We have a park around the corner and the hunters are a sad joke."

Sarvente let out a sigh. "Well we're already here, Ruv. Come on, let's go meet our new friends!"

While Boyfriend and Girlfriend greeted the ice-cream nun with unbounded enthusiasm, the other three teens stiffened at the sight of the infamous Russian. How- scratch that- why the hell someone like Ruv, a renowned criminal with a bounty larger than entire gangs, was even allowed to participate in anything on live TV?

Pico could already feel the migraine growing in his head. This game was supposed to be easy money damnit. At the very least he was grateful that the security on the boat was piss poor enough for his crew to sneak in their weapons.

Another mini-yacht arrived shortly after. If the nun and the Russian looked odd, the next person that walked out of the boat looked downright bizarre.

The man had long tendril-like hair which sprouted from the top of his completely black head. He wore a bright red hoodie along with fingerless gloves which showed bits of his pale hands and neck. A wide grin with razor sharp teeth adorned his face as he stepped down from the boat.

"And look who finally showed up. The superstar himself, Agoti!" Chris exclaimed, greeting the digidevil with a fist-bump. "Dude, where have you been?! You were topping the charts for months and then just dropped off the face of the planet."

"Hehe… let's just say I have been on… a journey. Yeah, let's go with that," Agoti said. As soon as he caught sight of a certain blue-haired midget he gritted his teeth in annoyance. "A very long journey…"

The next contestant to arrive appeared much more normal looking, relatively speaking anyways. A short, bubbly brunette wearing a pink and purple sweater strolled down the docks. The only peculiar thing about her was that unlike the other contestants, she did not carry a single bag with her.

"Hey QT. I see that you are a light packer," Chris greeted the girl.

QT giggled as she skipped towards the edge of the docks. "Don't worry about me cutie, I can get by on little."

Chris gave her an approving nod. "Heh, sounds useful. Let's see how well that holds up."

A couple minutes later, another boat pulled up to the island, this time dropping off not one, not two, but four teenage girls all wearing matching school uniforms. Well, close to matching anyways. The girl leading at the front wore black stockings with white and pink shoes as opposed to the other three's white stockings with blue shoes.

"Welcome to the island, girls! I hope you weren't expecting this to be a summer camp."

The one leading on front- a girl with emerald green eyes and long brunette hair tied back into a ponytail by a large white bow- smiled as she shook the host's hand. "I'd be disappointed if it was. Thanks for having us, Chris."

The smallest of the group- a girl with bright pink eyes and equally pink hair cut around her neck- sent a peeved glare at the brunette. "Would be a hundred times better than this dump. I can't believe I let you convince me into doing this, Monika."

"Don't be such a party-pooper, Natsuki; I am sure this place will be a ton of fun!" A third voice exclaimed, this one belonging to a bubbly schoolgirl with short coral hair and a large red bow resting on top of her head. "I mean, they wouldn't send us here on live TV if it wasn't at least somewhat safe."

The second those words departed from her lips, an ear-shattering explosion roared through the air, throwing everyone off their feet as if the very earth trembled in rage. Out in the distance, a dark plume of smoke steadily rose from the volcano at the center of the island.

When the tremors stopped, Chris had a mildly annoyed look on his face. "Huh, could've sworn they said it would take three more years before it became active again…" he muttered before shrugging.

"Sayori…" The last of the schoolgirls started, sending a stern glance towards her friend. She was the tallest and most well-figured of the four, with long dark-violet hair that flowed down her back and mauve-colored eyes that accompanied her calm expression.

"Oh come on Yuri, how is that even my fault!?" Sayori wailed, puffing her cheeks.

Natsuki sobbed as she watched the mini-yacht sail away at a much faster pace than when it arrived. "Yep, we are going to die here."

Monika let out a sigh, more than used to her friends' antics, before sending them a reassuring smile. "Come on you three, let's try to unpack our stuff before the next boat arrives."

Several minutes later, another boat arrived on the island. The instant it stopped moving, two tiny figures blurred out onto the docks, one dressed in a skeleton costume and another in a pumpkin, each carrying a backpack of their own.

"Look Pump, I was right, this is a spooky island!" The miniature skeleton exclaimed, eyes sparking in excitement at the rundown campgrounds.

"So cool! Look, there is even a monster and the signs of impending doom," The pumpkin eagerly pointed at Agoti and then the volcano, the former looking thoroughly pissed off at being referred to as a 'monster.'

"You know what that means?"

"It's spooky month!" The two boys cheered, launching into a strange dance where they both shoved their hands left and right in unison. It was mesmerizing yet oddly terrifying at the same time.

"Hey uhh, who are you two again?" Chris asked, unsure as to how two children managed to get onto the roster.

"I am Skid, and he is Pump. We are here for summer camp!" The skeleton beamed at the host.

Chris paused for a moment before he quickly pulled out a clipboard, flipping a couple pages. His expression turned from slight confusion to barely hidden panic as he realized pieced together his mistake. Some future corpse of an intern somehow mistook two human kids in costumes for demons in their profiles and Chris, being preoccupied with several other things at the time, just took one look at the race before signing those two on.

"Uhh… yep, this is the summer camp. Welcome aboard!" He exclaimed before grabbing the two boys by the collars and pulling together so close that only the three of them would be able to hear each other. "If you want to stay here, don't take off your costumes under any circumstances. Deal?"

Skid nodded vigorously. "Oh, easy! We hadn't taken them off in years."

"Yeah, I even forgot what my face looks like!" Pump added with the same exuberance.

That's… very concerning, but it didn't matter too much to Chris. As long as they keep wearing those (surprisingly well-made) outfits on camera, he could have a some facsimile of a case to prevent his ass from being sued to hell and back. He didn't know how he would live with himself if he had to cut back on his extensive facial care packages.

Thankfully for Chris' sanity and wallet, the next contestant to arrive looked to be at least above the age of sixteen. A handsome blonde teen wearing the typical school uniform of a button up blue shirt and pink tie strolled onto the docks, an annoyed expression on his face.

"There must've been a mistake. I was told that we would be staying at a resort," the boy remarked, his face scrunching up at the sight of the dilapidated buildings.

"Oh, you received that brochure. Sorry about that, Senpai," Chris laughed, nary an ounce of apology in his voice.

"Splendid," Senpai strained as his eyes began scanning his competition. A smile grew on his face as spotted the four lovely ladies making their way back to the docks only to collapse in disgust once he saw a familiar blue-haired worm staring at him with befuddlement.

Boyfriend leaned towards Girlfriend, whispering a couple beeps into her ear. "Isn't he supposed to be dead or something?"

"I know right! I thought he died too. Shame," the beauty replied, either not noticing or not caring that she said that out loud, much to Senpai's increasing fury.

Before the playboy could give a retort of his own, the deafening sound of whirling blades filled the air as a black helicopter slowly descended onto the island. The winds produced from the vehicle blew heavily on the docks, forcing the contestants to dig in their heels and brace themselves lest they be thrown into the ocean.

A rope hung from the helicopter as a man wearing a monochromatic army uniform slid down onto the docks. A second later a large black duffle bag dropped from the vehicle which the soldier caught with ease.

"Thanks Steve!" The man called out to the figure piloting the helicopter.

"Not a problem Captain! You are going to give me half the prize money like you promised, right?"

"Of course man, totally!"

"Sweet! See you in three months!"

As the helicopter flew away, the man chuckled under his breath, shaking his head. "Heheh, always the sucker."

"Yooo Tankman, what an entrance! I knew you said you were bringing your own transportation but man, I wasn't expecting that!" Chris exclaimed, high-fiving the mercenary.

Tankman took one look at the contestants and snorted. "You know, for a reality TV show I didn't expect there to be so many ugly faces on here." He pointed at the two lovebirds and the violent ginger. "Especially those three."

Said lovebirds pouted as tears rained down their faces. The violent ginger just flipped the mercenary off.

"Says the guy who isn't even showing his face," Agoti grumbled, earning a snort from Natsuki.

A couple minutes later yet another mini yacht arrived at the island. A tall humanoid figure with a bomb for a head stepped onto the docks followed closely by a black girl with an afro and a sleepy latina with a blanket wrapped around her.

"Whitty, Carol, Sunday, welcome to your new home for three months," the celebrity host greeted the trio.

Carol smiled, shaking the host's hand. "Thanks, Chris. Can't wait to see what you have in store for us!"

"Which'll be nothing good, I'm sure." Whitty grunted as he brought out the majority of the bags onto the docks. He took a glance at the few contestants still on the docks, spotting to his horror Boyfriend and Girlfriend waving enthusiastically at him.

He made a 180 degree turn and made his way back inside the boat. Sunday followed closely after him.

Carol grabbed both of them by the arm. "Where are you two going?"

"I forgot something at home. Looks like I won't be able to stay. What a damn shame," Whitty deadpanned.

"Boat. Comfy chair. Need sleep." Sunday drawled.

Carol rolled her eyes as she dragged both of them towards the edge of the dock. "I swear, you two are so dramatic. Come on, let's say hi to our friends."

While the five of them caught up on their recent adventures- well, Girlfriend, Carol, and Sunday chatted; Whitty just pretended to listen to Boyfriend's indecipherable beeping- another boat arrived at the docks, dropping off a certain hooded figure carrying two large duffle bags.

As soon as Girlfriend caught sight of who the new arrival was, her heart dropped to her stomach as all of the color drained from her face.

Boyfriend steeled his gaze as he subtly shifted his position so that he would be directly in between her and the figure.

Pico gritted his teeth as he subconsciously reached towards one of the guns hidden in his pants.

"Tabi! What's up dog err… goat?" Chris greeted, raising his hand for a high-five that got completely ignored by the new arrival. The figure was perhaps the most grotesque out of all of the campers. Only his goat skull of a head and skeletal hands being visible, with the rest of his body completely invisible underneath his hoodie and jeans.

The goat-headed terrorist narrowed his eyes at the sight of Girlfriend and Boyfriend before turning his glare towards the clown of a host. "So this is your idea?"

"Yeah, I know, it's genius."

In a split second Tabi clenched Chris by the shirt, pulling him just inches away from his haunting visage. "Give me one reason why I shouldn't rip your throat out right now," he growled, his other hand reaching towards the switchblade hidden in his pocket.

Chris' shit-eating grin never fell from his face. "I wouldn't be able to give you what you desire if I am dead, won't I? That is, if you win of course. Also, dude, easy with the shirt! Do you know how much this thing is worth?"

Tabi glared at the host with utmost contempt before he begrudgingly released his grip. Before he could say another word however, a loud crash came from the boat. A roar of pain and frustration followed afterwards, one that sounded decisively female. "Argh! Dammit Tabi, what the hell do you even have in here?!"

A rather tall tan-skinned girl in concert clothes and three-inch heels stepped out onto the docks, sweat dripping down her face as she struggled to lift up an oversized duffle bag.

As soon as Boyfriend caught sight of who that girl was, he let out a tired and miserable sigh. Of course she would show up here too.

"Equipment," Tabi drawled as he walked over to the girl and took the bag from her hands, much to her relief. "I told you not to mess with that particular one, Ayana."

"It looked the same as all of the other ones! At least color-code them or something." Ayana huffed, sending a glare towards Tabi. Her gaze turned towards Chris and her competition where she caught sight of a certain blue-haired wonder. She grinned and sent a wink in his direction.

"You know her?" Girlfriend whispered, sending a suspicious stare at her partner.

"Yeah, an ex from college," Boyfriend beeped back, sweat building up on his forehead.

"Oh, and she just so happened to show up here, hm?" The rockstar's daughter narrowed her gaze, a dangerous flash of red shining in her eyes.

Boyfriend gaped like a fish out of water. "H-how would that even be my fault!? You think I want to deal with her crap during summer break?"

Girlfriend stared at him for a moment before snapping back into her usual cheery state, cuddling next to him. "Just messing with you babe. You are so cute when you're terrified."

While Boyfriend sulked within Girlfriend's grasp, Pico's mind was in a frenzy as he stared at the goat-headed arsonist. Yet another dangerous motherfucker with a ridiculously high bounty, one that even he wouldn't go after without some serious backup.

Along with Ruv and Tankman, that meant there were three high-profile threats all stuck on this shitty island.

The optimistic part of him hoped that they would all just kill each other early on and save him the trouble. The rational part of him knew however that nothing in life was ever that easy. Only thing he could really do is hope for the best, prepare for the worst, and plan accordingly.

Maybe if his luck actually went his way for once, he could get an opportunity to snag one of their bounties and get a healthy bonus on top of the ten million he's going to win.

"Just four more contestants to go! Those still in the campgrounds should be making their way to the docks!" Chris announced through a megaphone, gathering everyone's attention. He glanced out to see another boat coming from the horizon. "Looks like our next lucky camper is coming up now."

As the boat pulled up to Hades Island, a teal-haired man wearing a black hoodie slowly strolled out onto the docks, his eyes shrouded underneath a rather large brown hat as a cigarette hung from his lips.

"Garcello, welcome aboard dude," Chris greeted the smoker with a fist bump.

"Thanks. Just glad I could make it here." Garcello said. "The cabins aren't as smoke-free as inside the boat, right?"

Chris chuckled. "No rules out here in the wilderness. Just make sure to keep any hard stuff out of cameras and you're good to go."

"Cool," Garcello nodded as he made his way to the other side of the docks.

Pico, Darnell, and Nene grinned at each other. They couldn't believe their luck. Their dealer actually managed to make it to this game. Pico really hoped Garcello remembered to bring the good stuff; at this rate he was going to need it just to get through the week.

To say that the person who arrived next was unusual would be an underestimate. Some would argue it wasn't even a person at, biologically anyways. Rather, it was a towering robot with a monitor for a head wearing a white basketball jersey with the number sixteen plastered on the front and orange shorts.

The screen on the robot's face displayed a bright blue smile. "Hey Chris! Never thought I would get the chance to see you in person. It is an honor to meet you."

Chris looked flattered. "Why thank you, Hex. Didn't expect to have a robot as a fan, but what can I say? I am just that universally adored."

Agoti snorted. He knew damn well Chris McLean was abhorred within the entertainment industry. The dude had more lawsuits against him from his previous failed shows than several pharmaceutical companies. Combined.

Even Solazar- Agoti's hardass manager and adoptive father that puts up with his prodigal ass- wouldn't dare touch anything even remotely associated with McLean. The digidevil distinctly remembered Solazar ranting about Chris being "the most insane person on the face of the planet" when he told him that he was signing up for the game show.

Hex strolled over to the docks, his face smiling bright as he caught sight of his friends. "Hey friends! I am so pleased that we all made it here!"

Boyfriend and Girlfriend were ecstatic as they high-fived their favorite robotic companion.

Carol raised an eyebrow. "I thought you said you weren't able to make it?"

A sheepish smile displayed on Hex's monitor. "Well, I sorta changed my mind; didn't want to leave you all hanging after all!"

"You got that thing taken care of?" Whitty asked in a low tone.

"Pretty much!" Hex answered. "I believe it'd be best if we talk about it later, perhaps in a more private area."

Whitty glanced at Boyfriend who just gave the bomb a small nod.

Soon enough, yet another boat dropped off yet another contestant.

As soon as Boyfriend saw who it was though, all of the hope and joy drained from his face.

'Oh God.

Not her.

Why? Why? WHY?'

"Please welcome our second-to-last camper, Sky!" Chris announced.

"Thanks Chris. Happy to be here!" The blue-haired girl chirped as she strolled along docks, practically skipping towards her target.

With each step she took, Boyfriend inched closer and closer behind Pico who looked far too amused for comfort. Boyfriend's suspicions were proven right when the bastard twisted him around and shoved him right into the path of his most dedicated fangirl.

"Traitor," Boyfriend hissed a beep at the cursed ginger as he found himself staring face to face with the purple-eyed devil incarnate.

"Hi Boyfriend, I knew you would be here!" Sky smiled as she wrapped herself around him into a tight hug.

'That's not terrifying at all,' Boyfriend thought. He forced a smile as he beeped a greeting to her.

"I'm right here you know," Girlfriend glowered, a hint of red flashing in her eyes.

Sky sent her an annoyed glare before waving her off. "Doesn't matter. You will be out of here before you know it anyways."

Girlfriend giggled. "Lol. The dweeb thinks she's relevant."

"Hilarious, coming from the Nezuko wannabe."

"Please, I'm brand name. You are the stuff mom says we have at home."

"Apparently you don't have much at home if that ugly dress is what you're wearing."

"Oooo shit. Catfight," Pico snickered as the two girls glared daggers at each other with Boyfriend stuck between them mouthing the word 'Help!'

"Bet you fifty bucks they'll rip each other's hair out," Darnell grinned.

"What type of bet is that?" Nene scoffed before putting some money of her own into the betting pool. "Hundred bucks says that one of them ends up dead by the end of the month."

Boyfriend gaped at the three in disbelief and betrayal before he placed his face between his hands and sobbed. This was going to be a long three months.

He swore if the last person to arrive was a certain beanie-wearing stalker chick he was noping the hell out of this island, even if it meant swimming across the damn ocean to do so!

Luckily, the universe didn't hate him that much, not yet anyways. Rather, the last contestant to arrive was a lean pale teenager with two thin black horns sprouting from his messy white hair and a pair of black wings from his back. Despite it being summer, he wore a rather formal attire consisting of a rose-colored sweater, black trousers, and dark loafers.

If one were to pay close attention to the teen's expression as he glanced at the contestants, one could see it change from relaxed, to shocked, to concerned, and then right back to overwhelming confidence, all in a fraction of a second.

"And last but not least, Selever! Welcome to the party, I see you are dressed for the occasion," Chris greeted the teen.

Selever smirked as he smoothly glided off the boat. "Yo host, if these are my competition you might as well just write the check to me already. Winning this shit would take exactly zero fucking effort."

Tankman let out a bark of laughter. "Big words coming from a dude who looks like a vampire twink. What are you going to do, suck us dry and fly away?"

Selever rolled his eyes as he flipped Tankman off. "We get it, you haven't had much action since your boys got fucking clapped on. Just keep your pants on and try not to embarrass yourself too much, okay?"

Tankman chuckled. "Congratulations brat, you just made it to the top of my shitlist and let me tell you, no one ever gets out of my shitlist alive."

"I literally couldn't give a shit."

"Alright campers!" Chris interrupted through the megaphone. "Glad to see you all are getting along so well with each other. Finish unpacking your stuff and meet me at the campfire pit in twenty minutes!"

xXx

(Campfire Pit)

The atmosphere surrounding the campfire pit could best be described as… tense. Suffocating, even.

For one, the place was packed. There weren't even enough logs to sit everyone so several of the contestants had to stand or lean on a nearby tree.

Yet, despite there being so many people in one place, the area was dead silent, with only the occasional brief bursts of whispers and the faint buzzing of mosquitoes breaking through the air.

Chris stared at the campers from his podium with an eager expression. Despite the tension in the air, he could see the sparks of determination in everyone's eyes, some more than others. He knew it wasn't a static thing though. Some of these sparks will grow into a blazing firestorm; others will die out, fading into the wind. All-in-all though, it looked like he chose some solid assets. He just hoped they will perform well enough to cement his name into TV history.

"Campers, take a good look around you," Chris began, feeling everyone's attention shifting from him to each other. "The people you see are your cabin-mates. Some of them might turn out to be your best friends, others will become your mortal enemies, but never forget that each and every one of them is your competition. Remember, there can only be one winner in this game."

He let his words settle in, savoring the moment, before continuing.

"Throughout these next few months, your mind, your body, your soul, your dignity will be tested in ways you never thought possible. Most of you will be humiliated. Some of you will quit. Some may even die. All of these trials and tribulations will serve to-"

"Okay okay, we get it, we are going to rip each other apart until one poor bastard is left standing," Agoti interrupted, his face twitching in irritation as he slapped his arm for what seemed like the seventieth time. "I know you need to maximize the content you can squeeze out of us or whatever but can we get this over with? These fucking mosquitoes won't get the hell off of me!"

Chris' face collapsed into sheer irritation. Ugh, he spent a good couple of hours prepping this dramatic opening speech only for his flow to be completely ruined. He swore, people didn't have a shred of civility these days.

"You know what, fine," he conceded through gritted teeth as he pulled out a clipboard. "When I call your name, stand up and go to the other side of the pit. Pay close attention because I am not repeating myself."

Chris cleared his throat. "The first team will consist of Agoti, Ayana, Boyfriend, Garcello, Girlfriend, Hex, Pico, QT, Sayori, Selever, Sunday, Tabi, and Tankman."

Boyfriend felt a flurry of mixed feelings. On one hand, he had Girlfriend, Pico, Hex, and Sunday on his team. That's a guaranteed alliance and a large one at that!

On the other hand… Tabi, Tankman, and Ayana. Since they are on his team they should be working together with him and Girlfriend, though he doubted it would be that simple.

Chris continued on. "That means Carol, Darnell, Monika, Natsuki, Nene, Pump, Ruv, Sarvente, Senpai, Skid, Sky, Whitty, and Yuri, you guys will be on the other team."

Skid and Pump cheered as they high-fived each other.

Girlfriend hugged Boyfriend as she stuck her tongue out at an increasingly incensed Sky.

Whitty let out a sigh of relief only to be sent an annoyed glance by Carol.

Monika glanced at Sayori who just sent a cheeky smile right back at her.

"Now, for your first task! You guys have ten minutes to come up with a memorable and marketable team name. Don't worry, aside from your collective dignity nothing is at stake- consider this your team's icebreaker activity."

Chris pulled out an alarm clock and placed it on top of the podium. "Your time starts… Now!"


[Confessionals]

Chris sat in what appeared to be a squalid wooden outhouse, complete with crudely drawn graffiti and a half dozen mosquitoes buzzing within the area. "This is our lovely Confessional Outhouse! Here, contestants will be able to share their innermost thoughts, get something off their chest, or explain their mastermind schemes for the world to hear!"

*Bzzt*

Natsuki looked around the stall in utter disgust. "Ugh, does this have to be in a toilet? God, this place sucks…" She grumbled before folding her arms, glaring at the camera. "Also, don't even think for a second I will share my thoughts to you all. That's just weird and none of your damn business!"

*Bzzt*

Tankman chuckled as he took a swig from a vial of alcohol. "Heh, I took one look at the other team and let me tell ya, they're a bunch of fuckin' pansies. Half of those losers look like they won't last a second in real survival. Beating them will be easier than bagging a Thai hooker."

*Bzzt*

Sayori pressed her fingers together as she looked down. "I don't know exactly how I feel about me being alone on a team away from my friends but you know what, I think this will be a nice change of pace!"

She gave a cheerful smile to the camera. "I just hope I can prove to be useful to my teammates!"

*Bzzt*

"At first I was furious that Chris would dare separate me and Boyfriend into different teams until I realized this was actually the perfect blessing in disguise," Sky began as she smiled confidently at the camera, legs crossed, arms folded under her chest in confidence. "Not only do I not have to work with that braindead slut wrapped around Boyfriend's arm, but I can also show Boyfriend just how high-value of a woman I am compared to her by leading this team to victory. Then when that bitch gets her ass booted out, he will notice what he was missing on and finally understand that we are truly meant to be."

Sky closed her eyes, letting out a longing sigh. "Then we can finally have the happily ever after we deserve!"

*Bzzt*

Girlfriend sat on Boyfriend's lap as the two made out, both of them oblivious to the fact that this was in fact not a random outhouse.


xXx

"Alright team, I would love to hear what you guys come up with! Who would like to go first?" Monika began as the rest of her teammates gathered around in a loose circle.

"Oh, oh, I got one!" Skid waved a hand in excitement. "Let's be the Spooky Scary Skeletons!"

"Great idea!" Pump nodded in agreement.

"Absolutely not," Natsuki snapped, glaring at the two.

"We'll… keep it in mind," Monika noted, glancing around at the less than enthused reactions from the rest of the team. "Does anyone else have a suggestion they'd like to share?"

Senpai smiled as he smoothly brushed his hair back with his hand. "Well, given that we are a gathering of fine ladies and gentlemen here, I believe Knights and Maidens would fit our theme quite well-"

"No," Ruv and Whitty replied instantly, both sending a withering glare towards the schoolboy.

"Oh come on, I like it!" Sarvente huffed.

"I agree, I think it is cute," Carol added, stifling a laugh.

"Hell nah, we ain't going with that shit," Darnell snarled, absently flicking a lighter on and off. "We need something that will show we are serious, something like the Flameborn Assassins."

"Wow," Nene cringed. "That's so edgy I could slit my throat with it."

Monika sighed, glancing around in exasperation. "Does anyone else have a name they'd like to suggest?"

"You guys are thinking way too hard about this," Sky interjected, a cheery smile plastered on her face. "We are already destined to win, so let's embrace that fate and call ourselves Team Destiny!"

"Sounds like the name a group of magical schoolgirls would use…" Whitty grumbled.

"It… isn't a bad name," Monika began after a couple seconds of pause. "But if it is something that we need to stick with, I think we could do a bit better."

Sky's eyes narrowed just an inch at the brunette. "I mean, you have real quick to shoot down everyone else's suggestions. I am guessing you must have the perfect team name already, no?"

"...I do have an idea for a name. While I wouldn't call it perfect, it is one that- in my opinion- would fit us quite well," Monika replied cautiously, noticing several pairs of eyes now gazing at her with faint suspicion. "We are a select group of talented and capable individuals and it is safe to say that our goal is to come out victorious in every challenge. I believe that the Winners Club is a name that best describes us as a whole."

There were some murmurings within the group.

Natsuki rolled her eyes as her lips curled up in amusement. "Real original, Monika."

"I mean, it works," Carol began.

Senpai nodded in agreement. "I concur, it is quite the splendid name for our little group!"

"Sure, whatever. Let's go with it. Can we just get this over with already so we can go inside?" Sky pressed, an eye twitching in irritation.

xXx

Meanwhile on the other side…

"Congratulations men, from this point on you will all be known as the Neo-Tankmen!" Tankman announced, standing on one of the logs while holding a crudely drawn flag with his face on it.

"Haha, no. Fuck off," Selever ripped the flag from the pole, tearing it to shreds much to Tankman's dismay. "I already told you fucks that we are going with Force of Nature."

Agoti snickered. "Sounds like something a shitty indie band would come up with."

"Got any better ideas, sharkface?"

Annoyance shrouded Agoti's expression before a razor-sharp grin popped back up on his face. "Yeah, how about we call ourselves the Vampire Slayers."

"Huh, so you actually are as dumb as you look. Go figure."

"I still think Cutiepies is a good name," QT huffed, folding her arms.

"Yeah, I agree," Pico nodded sagely, "That name is so good, it will make the enemy team die laughing. Easy win."

Ayana shot an annoyed glance at the ginger. "It's better than what you came up with, Mr. Absolute Badasses."

"And it's still better than anything you all have come up with," Pico smirked, twirling a gun around one of his fingers.

"You all are idiots. Just pick something and get this over with," Tabi growled as he sat on a log, carving a piece of wood in his hand.

"Real helpful, Tabi," Ayana muttered as she rolled her eyes.

"Guys, guys, you all have really good ideas! Can we please not fight over this?" Sayori implored, her pleas falling on deaf ears.

As everyone began arguing and shouting over each other on what to call themselves, Hex slowly raised a hand up in the air. "So… is the Cool Kids Club still on the table?"

"NO!"

While the team continued their courteous debate, Boyfriend and Girlfriend became bored rather quickly. A devious smile crept on the blue-haired wonder's face as he whispered into his partner's ear. The two silently made their way over to the podium, getting Chris' attention as Boyfriend whispered a series of beeps to the host.

Chris blinked a couple times, nonplussed. He turned towards Girlfriend who just nodded with an equal amount of exuberance.

Yeah… he had no clue what the hell those two were trying to tell him.

Right before he was about to shoo them away though, one of his many genius ideas popped up in his mind- one that would make his little side-mission just a bit easier.

A grin crept on his face as he activated the megaphone. "Alright campers, the names are in!" Chris announced, causing Boyfriend's team to stop arguing out of sheer confusion.

"On this side we have the Winners' Club!" he pointed towards the corresponding team. Some of the members gave a small cheer in an attempt to drive some team spirit.

Chris then pointed towards the other team. "And on this side we have…"

His grin grew wicked.

"The Beep Bops!"

Boyfriend's face twisted into abject horror. That wasn't even close to what he said. He was asking Chris if he and Girlfriend could go to the bathroom! (To do normal bathroom things, of course.)

"I like it!" Hex exclaimed, clasping his hands in delight. QT nodded her head in approval.

"It… is unique," Sayori added after searching for something positive to say.

Garcello shrugged. "At least we finally got something."

As for the rest of the team, well… if looks could kill, Boyfriend would be a stain on the ground. So much for him getting any sleep at night.

Carol raised a hand. "Um, Chris, if we are now separated into teams, how will cabin arrangements work?"

"Ah, good question!" Chris praised. "You may have noticed that there are two cabins. One will be for the Winners Club and the other will be for -snicker- the Beep Bops. Don't worry, each cabin has two rooms that are separated for male and female."

"Wait a minute, you had us unpack our stuff just to have us move everything again!?" Ayana protested, furious that she spent a good amount of time organizing everything perfectly just to have that effort be rendered pointless.

Chris gave a nonchalant shrug. "Anyways, you all have two hours before dinner is served at the Mess Hall. There will be a special announcement at the end so I expect to see you all there. You all are dismissed!"

xXx

(A couple hours later, Mess Hall)

Whitty stared at the food on his tray as if he could make it burst into flames.

No, calling the garbage on his plate food would imply that it was edible. It would be more accurate to call it a complete and utter abomination.

He tried to give it a fair shot, he really did, but when the substance that was supposed to pass for sloppy joes started slithering away from his fork his patience died along with his appetite.

"Whitty, you need to eat. You know what happens when you are low on energy," Carol prodded, though she herself was also struggling to down her meal.

"I eat food, not whatever... this is."

Carol sighed. "They won't feed us something that'll kill us. That would defeat the purpose of the entire show."

Whitty stared at her with a dry expression, not looking the slightest bit convinced.

Before the talking bomb could respond however, a hoarse, pained gag rattled through the air. He glanced across the table to see Natsuki coughing out a piece of bone that nearly went into the wrong pipe. She sobbed inconsolably. "I swear, I will never complain about school lunch ever again!"

"For once, I agree with your sentiment," Yuri murmured. The instant the 'meat' on her plate twitched she flashed a knife from her blazer and jabbed it straight down onto the substance. It stopped moving.

Monika sighed. "Come on you two, it is not that bad-"

Cue death stares.

"Okay, it is pretty bad, but at least they are giving us free food!"

"I'd rather starve," Natsuki muttered, pushing the tray away from her so she could rest her head on the table and cry in peace.

Carol's lips curled up in amusement as she sent a knowing glance at Monika. "Looks like you also got some picky eaters of your own to deal with."

"Hah, I guess you could say that!" Monika returned the smile, extending a hand out. "Carol, right? I'm Monika, it's a pleasure to meet you."

Carol returned the handshake. "Same to you too. I am guessing by your outfits you all are still in high school?"

"Hell no," Natsuki interjected. "We all graduated last year but someone," she shot a glare towards a certain brunette, "wanted all of us to wear our old uniforms so we can arrive on the show with matching outfits."

Monika folded her arms and huffed. "I thought it would be cute and score us points with the audience."

Carol stifled a laugh. "Well, I think it's quite endearing. So what do you all do now?"

"Well…" Monika began. "Sayori- our friend on the other team- and I are both attending college, Natsuki is in culinary school, and our dear Yuri here is already an accomplished author who has published a couple bestselling novels of her own!"

"Way to just spill the beans on everything, Monika," Natsuki muttered.

"Aw that's sweet, congratulations!" Carol commended Yuri, the soft-spoken girl shrinking back at the sudden praise. "As for me, I work as a trainer at a local golf club. While Whitty here makes way more off of his royalties, he is still generous enough to volunteer at the club from time to time."

"Is it still volunteering if I am being held hostage?" Whitty drawled only to receive an agitated glare from Carol as his answer.

"Ah, how interesting! While I am more of a tennis player myself, I do admire the skill and sheer patience needed to master such a precise sport as golf," Monika remarked. "And what about the girl that came along with you, the one on the other team?"

Carol paused. "Oh, Sunday? She... well..."

"She sleeps, eats, sleeps, complains about society, sleeps, wakes up half the neighborhood while recording music, and then sleeps again. Repeat ad nauseam," Whitty deadpanned. Carol pretty much gave up trying to get him to behave at that point.

Monika stifled a laugh. "Sounds more like a housecat than a housemate."

"That's…" Carol paused before a smile grew on her face. "Wow, that's the perfect way to put it."

Monika smiled. "Well, it's been nice getting to know each other, Carol. You have just given me an idea…"

She reached for an empty glass, stood up, and tapped it a couple times with a spoon just loud enough to gather the attention of the rest of the team sitting along the long-table. "Hey Winners Club! Just a heads up, we will be having our first meeting tonight at the campfire pit so I would love to see each and every one of you there!"

Sarvente smiled. "That sounds like a lovely idea! We should totally-"

"No," Ruv interjected. The idea of spending another unnecessary second with these people sounded like a special kind of hell.

Darnell snorted. "Sounds like a waste of my damn time. There ain't anything to even talk about right now."

"I disagree. We could always get to know each other," Senpai offered, sending a smile towards the Asian girl who had been staring at him like a piece of meat. "I am sure you all have quite interesting stories you would like to share."

Nene laughed. "Trust me handsome, bad idea. You'd wish we didn't."

Natsuki snorted. "See, at least she is making some sense."

Monika shot a tired glance at the pinkette before addressing the team. "We don't have to talk about anything personal if you don't want to. I just figured this would be a great way for us to establish our strengths, weaknesses, and abilities for potential challenges."

"Hey, Monika, right?" Sky interjected, her voice taking on a sweet yet subtly sardonic tone. "I like your enthusiasm, but no one here made you the leader so can you please quit acting like you are one?"

Monika paused, staring at the blue-haired girl for just a moment before turning to the rest of the team. "While it is true we are competitors, at the moment we are teammates and should act as such. You all don't have to attend the meeting if you don't want to, but it would be a great opportunity to prove your teammates as a valuable asset!"

Skid raised a hand. "Will there be spooky campfire stories at the meeting?"

Yuri sighed as she took note of the prodding glance from Monika. "I suppose I could share a couple…"

The two boys cheered.

Sky didn't miss the split-second smile Monika sent in her direction. It was a canny smile.


[Confessional]

Sky scowled as she folded her arms. "I don't trust Monika. Not even for a second. She's giving off the same vibes as those girls from school who think they own everyone because they are prom queen or class president or some shit. They are the first to befriend you and the first to dump you once they get what they want."

She closed her eyes in thought for a moment. A small laugh escaped her lips. "She's good. Real good. The sooner she is out of here, the better."


xXx

On the other side of the longue, Pico grimaced as he shoved another spoonful of the sludge down his throat. It left a slimy trail along his tongue that damn near made him want to puke. He forced himself to stomach it though, he needed whatever energy it could provide to keep himself somewhat sane. How the hell Boyfriend and Girlfriend could so blithely eat the shit in front of them was beyond his comprehension.

Then again, so was everything else regarding those two walking beacons of chaos.

"Can't believe there is actually someone out there who could cook worse than Whitty," Sunday muttered under her breath while she forced another mouthful of the slop down.

"Don't be mean Sunday. I am sure Chef tried his best!" Hex quipped in a futile attempt to uplift the mood.

"Easy for you to say, you don't even have to eat!" The latina hissed, pointing at the empty tray in front of the robot.

Pico snorted as he took a sip of the apple juice in his glass, the only edible thing out of this entire meal. "Yeah, Chef is trying his best alright; his best to kill us with food poisoning. At this rate we would be better off hunting our own damn food."

Not a second after those words left his mouth, his meal exploded as a large butcher's knife embedded itself dead center onto his tray. Pico snapped his head to the source of the weapon to see the dark, imposing frame of Chef Hatchet staring at his soul from the kitchen.

"What was that, Cheese Puff? I didn't hear you," Chef growled, another sharpened blade ready in hand.

Pico gritted his teeth, his grip tightening around his glass of juice. He took a deep breath as he muttered to himself. "It's the first day, don't kill anyone. It's the first day, don't kill anyone. It's the first day, don't kill-"

"PFFT!" A certain blue-haired midget spat out his drink. "Cheese Puff! It fits so well! Just look at the top of his head!"

"Oh my God, I see it! He even looks like a Dorito chip!" Girlfriend giggled, holding back tears in her eyes.

The glass in Pico's hand shattered.

"You know what, fuck it. Killing you both," he snarled as he then proceeded to throttle Boyfriend by the throat.

Hex tried to coax Pico out of his rage but to no avail. Girlfriend grasped onto Boyfriend, trying to pull him away from the murderous cheese puff. Sunday cheered Pico on, just glad to be getting some free front-row entertainment.

Right before Pico could shove the knife straight down Boyfriend's mouth and finally get rid of a massive thorn in his side, a figure sat down on the open seat next to him.

"'Sup Pico. And here I thought you said you'd be staying out of trouble" Garcello grinned, placing down his tray on the table.

Boyfriend gargled an indecipherable beep as Pico slowly retreated the blade from the idiot's mouth. He turned to face his dealer and friend.

"Who said I wasn't?" He smirked. "Can't get in trouble if you never get caught."

"Hah! True that," Sunday said, grinning.

Garcello chuckled. "Well, that's one way to put it."

Girlfriend shot a glare towards Pico. "You were about to kill Boyfriend in plain sight!"

Pico snorted. "That ain't getting in trouble. Shoot, at this point I might as well be doing the world a favor."

"Love you too bro," Boyfriend deadpanned, rubbing his now sore throat.

"Oh, that reminds me," Pico began, turning to face his ex. "You better have a damn good reason why you are speaking like that again. I thought you grew out of that shit."

Boyfriend grinned. "Thought you'd never ask! I bet Girlfriend a hundred bucks that I can make it through this entire season without saying a single word."

Pico stared at Boyfriend as if he was insane, which probably wasn't that far off the mark. "You're joking. So you are just going to throw away ten million dollars for a hundred dollars?"

"Nope! I'm going to win the whole thing, which means I will get ten million and a hundred dollars."

"That's so not happening. I'm gonna win a hundred dollars~" Girlfriend sang.

Sunday gawked at the three of them in disbelief. "Hold up, hold up. You two can actually understand what he is saying?"

"Of course!" Girlfriend beamed.

"Unfortunately," Pico sulked as a raincloud of despair formed above his head. "Spend too much time with this idiot and he will corrupt you with his stupidity. Heed my warning before it is too late."

"Your love for me is immeasurable."

Pico raised an eyebrow. "Do you even know what that word means?"

Boyfriend shrugged. "I dunno. It sounds smart."

"Case and point."

Hex looked on in astonishment. "Wow, it is like you all are speaking a whole other language."

"Heh, for a second I thought I was already tripping out when he started speaking," Garcello added.

"I still think you all are trolling me or something," Sunday grumbled though she had a thoroughly amused look on her face.

"I fucking wish I was…" Pico muttered, becoming more depressed by the second.

Before he could fall further into a pit of despair, Girlfriend piqued up. "Oh! Before I forget, Boyfriend and I would like for you all to join our alliance!"

Hex looked perplexed. "What do you mean by an alliance?"

"It means we work together to protect each other from being eliminated, vote out enemies, and get further along in the competition," Pico answered, still sulking.

"Oh, well what a great idea! You can count me in!" The sentient robot exclaimed. Garcello nodded in agreement.

Sunday shrugged. "Not like I have anything better to do.

"Not like I have a choice," Pico muttered, glaring at the lovebirds. "The other two idiots I hang out with are on the other team so I am stuck with you two idiots instead. That and I am pretty sure half of the people on this team would kill you both at the first opportunity and thus me by association."

"You were about to kill me just a couple minutes ago!" Boyfriend yelled, pointing a finger at the perpetrator.

"Ahhh, good times. Good times," Pico grinned as if recalling a fond ole' memory.

A couple moments later, the door to the main longue swung wide open as Chris waltzed into the area, megaphone in hand, signature grin on his face. "Greetings campers, I hope you all have been enjoying your meal!"

He paid no mind to the homicidal glares sent his way.

"Anyways, I am going to make this quick. You all are pretty much free for the rest of the day. Your first challenge will begin bright and early tomorrow morning so be sure to get a good night's sleep!" He laughed as he began walking out of the hall. "Or don't. Would make for even more entertaining content for us to use anyways."

Sunday blinked, mouth gaping in shock. "...Did he tell us to come here and eat this crap just to listen to a five second announcement?"

"Yes, and the fucker is enjoying every last second of it," Pico growled.

"Some people just like to watch the world burn," Garcello mused, looking more amused at the situation than anything else.

"So… what do you all think he is going to have us do tomorrow?" Girlfriend asked after a minute of silence.

Boyfriend pinched his chin for a second before shrugging. "I ain't worried. It's the first challenge; how hard could it possibly be?"


Author's Notes: Yo. So one day I was chilling and then all of a sudden this mind cancer of an idea nested in my brain and has been refusing to leave ever since. Honestly I am surprised to see that no one has done something like this yet, so let's see how it goes.

A couple notes:

This story was written and planned before the Week 8 update. If there are any surprise characters aside from Darnell and Nene that make their appearance that week, oh well.

In regards to the timeline, this takes place after Week 7 and before the events of Smoke 'Em Out Struggle, QT Mod, Mid-Fight Masses, and Hex 2.0. DDLC Takeover will be explained in a bit.

For reference, the only people in the show who can understand Boyfriend's beeps are Girlfriend, Pico, and one other person.

Regarding Sky, instead of the typical rabid fangirl she's often portrayed as, I am aiming for more of a 'cunning but capable mean girl' personality for this game show. Hopefully I can do it well enough to entertain y'all. Don't worry, she will still be the massive simp for Boyfriend we all know and love.

Now to answer a couple questions I can see from across the horizon:

"Isn't Senpai supposed to be dead/stuck in a video game? How is he alive?": Yes, I am aware of that. How he managed to escape will be answered later on in the story.

"Aren't the DDLC girls inside a simulation and not in the 'real world'?": How they managed to get into the real world is a rather important plot point that will be unraveled bit by bit. For now just know that yes, they are real, have real bodies, and are in the FNF world.

"How could Selever interact with the physical world when-": Will be revealed next episode so sit tight!

"Will you ever keep a consistent update schedule?": As soon as I reduce the chaos in my life.

"Isn't this a crossover?": Yes, I plan to put it in the correct spot (FNF x Total Drama series) later. For now I am just using the main FNF section for shameless visibility.

To those still following my other works, don't worry, I plan on posting an update to both of my other stories soon. Also, I do not plan on working on more than three stories at a time. I'll do my best to not turn my profile into a graveyard of unfinished ideas.

If you have any questions, comments, hate mail, or whatever, please feel free to send them my way!

Anyways, thanks for reading! Take care of yourself.