Disclaimer: I own nothing. Enjoy.
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Fortunes Fools
Chapter Ten
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Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I sighed as I rolled over; looking at the grey clouds that covered the blue sky. Not like this, I thought, falling back into the pillow. She wouldn't have wanted it like that. Closing my eyes, I counted to ten and hoped, prayed that the sun would magically appear, and would at least be able to shine today.
Then again, I wished for thousands of things more important than the weather to change. Didn't mean that this cruel reality I was now living in was going to change any time soon.
Opening my eyes, I looked out the window again. Now it was raining.
How's that for a kick in the gut? Maybe, if I tried hard enough, my bed would swallow me whole. Then, I'd be able to be with her.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
She'd smiled up at me, you know. When we'd all been on the rooftop, watching the sun rise one brisk winter morning. We'd spent the night up there, amidst doona's, many, many doona's and hot chocolate. Amidst tears and laughter. Luke, always out to impress, had told us about the stars, until Maddie had told him that it was all reminding her of 'A Walk To Remember' and she didn't want me to think I wasn't going to get lucky like in the movie.
Cue a chorus of groans from everyone else, at which stage Maddie pointed out that 'As if they all weren't doing it too.' Which managed to shut everyone up for the next… oh, ten seconds.
That's when she'd smiled up at me, through her tears of happiness. And I'd held her closer to me, breathing in her smell, mentally remembering every inch of her perfect body, because I knew some day soon it would be gone, and I'd only have the memories to hold onto.
When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
"Ric" A voice said from the door, as it creaked open. I looked up to see Cassie and Belle peering into my room, and I knew that Henry and Luke would be close behind them. Sitting up in bed, I waved them in, watching them slowly trudge into the room. Belle and Cassie crawled into bed next to me while Luke and Henry hung back, and stood awkwardly around.
Sadness hung in the air. Grief, sorrow, it was all there. We all felt it. I felt it, in every bone in my body. In every fiber of my being. And I knew they felt it too. Cassie and Belle had curled up next to me. To them, I was the closest thing to Maddie. And they were the closest thing I had to comfort. Something that I could actually hold onto, to know that someone was hurting too.
"Look at us all." Henry said later, after I'd changed into my suit. "Maddie would be so annoyed at us for acting this way."
"Acting what way?" Cassie sniffed.
"Acting as if life doesn't go on." Henry said, sitting down next to her and pulling her close.
Maybe for him it was that simple. He could still hold Cassie. Still whisper words on love in her ear. He could still spend the rest of his life with her. I didn't have that any more.
"Is it supposed to feel like this?" Belle asked, her eyes swollen and red from the endless tears she'd cried.
"Like what?" Henry murmured, looking up from Cassie towards everyone else.
"Like life isn't worth it any more?" Belle said shakily as she sucked in a breath, trying to control herself.
Everyone was silent for a moment, before Henry began to speak.
"At first, its like you don't even realise they aren't there any more. You walk into their room and expect them to turn around and say 'Hey' back… or you expect them to yell at you for being to noisy when they are trying to sleep, or do something serious. Then it hits you. And you realise, they aren't here any more. That's when the shock sets in, when you walk into the room and can smell them, but the smell is fading away slowly." He said, his own eyes beginning to fill with tears.
"After that, that's when you feel like you can't go on without them. Like you're life isn't worth it any more now that they're gone. So you give up for a while. You just exist, in a state between living and dead. Because you can, and because you can't imagine you're life without them" He cried aloud and Cassie pulled him into her.
We all sat in silence, lost in our own thoughts and tears, seeking one another comfort, but finding each of us were as lost as the next person.
"Strangely, cruelly, a distraught heart keeps beating… no matter how much you wish it would stop.And when you've hit rock bottom." Henry said finally, sitting up and wiping away his tears "When there's no where left to go but up. That's when you realise how much they'd hate you for wasting your life away." He said bitterly. "Because we can live. And they can't. I know it sound insensitive, and harsh, and like I've forgotten already, but it's the truth." He said, wiping more tears that had fallen from his cheeks.
"One day, you wake up, and the sky isn't grey any more." He said finally, which sounded so complete. He turned and smiled at Cassie through his tears, and wiped her tears from her eyes too.
"Maddie didn't want us to die either." I said, smiling for the first time that week. "She wanted us to live."
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Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
(Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!)
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For never was a story of more woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo.
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Finis
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AN: Thank you to Tess for sticking through me for the entire story. I couldn't have done it without you.
The End guys. No more. I really want to thank each and every one of you for reviewing and putting up with my cruel twists and turns. I'm a little in love with this one… but I'm a little in love with all mine too. I really hope you liked this last chapter. I said it all along, Henry is awesome.
Thanks again for liking my work.
