Thank you for your response to this story. It makes all my days.
Happy 4th of July ya'll.
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He eases up his hold on her body and he is slowly stepping backwards - creating space. Her body is still on fire from his touch as he stares at her intently from a short distance away. She watches the muscles in his jaw jump with each breath and she tries to clear her throat from the intensity.
He looks like he is debating something in his mind.
"Listen," he says finally, removing his eye contact when he says it. "I've been thinking bout ways I can bargain with them," he tells her quietly, his accent thick with deliberation. "To keep you here.." he explains, his voice low, his eyes finally making their way back to hers to gauge her reaction so far.
Her heartbeat is thumping wildly at the prospect. Keep her here? What - handcuffed in the trailer all day? And then what? Wait for him to come home and 're-mark' her every night?
"They owe me favors.. I can prolong this - just until I can figure out how to get you out safely."
"Elliot," she begins, pushing herself off the counter, starting to step forward.
"I know," he expels softly, scratching his jaw. "I know, it's risky, this whole idea of it, it's got it's own set of loopholes – at any moment they could turn on you, but the only other option is."
She watches the side of his face as he struggles to say it.
"What?" she pushes.
"We dump your body like the rest of them," he whispers his eyes reconnecting with hers when he says it. "Sooner rather than later.. tonight even."
She blinks back at him in response.
"I tell them I'm done with you and I'm taking you for a drive-"
"And they're just gonna let you drive me outta here Elliot? You needed a babysitter for my body search for Christ Sake."
He looks away, the memory of the infraction seeming to be too much for him to acknowledge right now.
"Not alone," Elliot corrects her softly. "Tony rides with me for the dumps and 7 times out of 10.. they get away."
Her eyebrows furrow in confusion. "And they're not onto you yet? Elliot how bad at your job can you be before they suspect-"
"They look dead," he cuts her off firmly. "They act dead," he tells her. "I tell them what to do, and they do it," he lets the sentiment of that hang between them, the expectations he would have of her if they were to go down this track. "And as long as Tony doesn't get wise, the ones that can pull it off… survive."
Olivia nods.
"Okay," she responds. "And the ones that don't?" she asks quietly, not sure she wants to hear the answer.
Elliot sucks in a long weighted breath.
"Tony finishes them off."
Olivia swallows. It's all she can do at this point. She understands the plan, she understands the risks but there is one hitch in this plan that she can't seem to conceive.
"And what about you?" she whispers, chancing a brief glance up at him. "You dump my body in the woods – and then what? All going well I maybe see you one day at a precinct reunion party?"
"Liv," he sighs.
"No," she steps forward cutting him off. "We might have ended up here tonight as part of some sort of inconceivable coincidence, but I'm here now Elliot and whether you like it or not I'm not just going to walk away and spend rest of my days wondering if you ever got out. I've already spent three years in the dark, I'm done with not knowing-"
"So what do you suggest Liv? You wanna to skip out of here right now and just call it a day?" his eyes narrow in sarcasm. "It doesn't work like that. You of all people should know. I have a job to do here, I have handlers I report to, I've spent years on this case Olivia, years planting seeds. I am saving lives and I can't just walk away from that because you want daily updates on my wellbeing."
She studies him intently, his words, his expressions, traces of her old partner seeping through in his inflections but for the most part he is a hardened shell of his former life. His words are brutal, his speech is tired and overused and it's most likely a version that he repeats to himself when he can't sleep at night.
"Your job," she steps forward, ensuring their proximity draws closer when she says it. "Is slowly killing you Elliot, that was evident from the moment I walked in here." She rasps. "The Elliot Stabler I know," she says with an eyebrow raise, "is not here right now." She tries to steady her voice when she says it, tries to keep the emotion from her tone and her glare as hardened as his. "So keep telling yourself that you're making a difference here, saving lives - but all you're doing is causing more hurt in this world while escaping your own," she whispers.
She watches the fire in his eyes crackle under her blatant accusation, the emotion mounting from her words. She can feel the distant pinpricks of tears tugging at her recesses but she fights it, swallowing it back down because she can't lose it now. She has to stay strong - to get this out, so she doesn't have to spend another moment with it trapped inside her.
"How often do you call Kathy?" she whispers through narrowed accusatory eyes, a sudden hardness to taking hold of her words. "You check in with your handlers but how often do you call your wife?" She sees the answer clear as day in his features and she shakes her head at him. "About as often as you used to call her at the precinct I bet. Jesus Elliot, you're so goddamn selfish - how long are you going run from your life and everyone who cares about you? How long are you going to run from yourself-"
"Screw - you," he cuts her off, but his harsh words don't shock her, they only illustrate her point. "If I was anything like them, you'd be lying lifeless in a ditch somewhere Olivia," he launches in with a yell. "So you can spout all the BS you like – you think you know me? You think you know my business? You have no goddamn idea what I've been dealing with Olivia. Things change – situations change, so don't you dare tell me what I'm doing here is all for nothing-"
"I don't care what you're up against Elliot - you stay here any longer," she cuts him off. "You're gonna end up just like them. It's already starting and you can say goodbye to your family when it does." She steps in closer now, too heated to back down. "You think your kids are gonna wanna be around you like this? I don't even want to be around you like this."
"You -" he steps forward using her sudden proximity as an excuse to grab her upper arms and move her firmly against the bench once more. "Don't have a choice in the matter." Her breath hitches as his whole body presses her up against wood and his hands heatedly move downward seizing her wrists.
She loses breath as she feels the pinch of his fingers into her skin. Her heart rate catapults. His dominance is back in full force. She's pushed him too far. She played the personal card, the thought of his kids has rattled him back to reality and now he is playing the only card he has - his strength. She tries to struggle out of his hold but he has her firmly now dragging her forward until their foreheads knock.
It's not like before. This is not sexual. This is not passion. This is not emotion. This is a detached, measured, clinical threat. Her fingers curl over into fists, trying redundantly to break free. She wants to tell him to loosen his grip – and now, because he's actually hurting her this time.
"You really wanna test me?" He whispers against her forehead and she tries to turn her face away from him, away from this version of him. "I've gone easy on you Olivia, but go ahead - push it – push me, see what happens – maybe then you'll start shutting your goddamn mouth long enough to save your own life."
Her heart breaks at that point and it's instant, liquid trails the rim of her eyes before tears are cascading downward without restraint – they spill in seconds, silent streams marking her face as he continues to hold her far too tightly that he needs to.
"You're an asshole," she whispers, her breath hitching, as an emotion filled gasp of disbelief escapes. She turns her face as far away from him as possible in his hold. Her voice had been so small, so broken so deflated. "What else could you possibly do to me?" she whispers, her words a humorless, broken tremor as she feels the liquid start to pool in her nostrils. "You've gone easy on me huh?" She lets out an empty laugh, sucking back the emotion, swallowing the phlegm in her throat. "You're a fucking joke Elliot," she whispers, her breath getting smothered by his unwelcome proximity. "Tell me, what else my partner is going to 'do to me' if I test him?" She gasps through the streaming tears. "You really gonna give it to me this time? Huh? Teach me a real lesson."
He lets go of her then and it's so sudden she stumbles a little on her feet. She feels his whole body release her as he steps back, just a half step so he is no longer physically touching her. She stands there, a vacant shell, unable to lift her head to even look at him at this point. Her hands are trembling, it had all come out. There was no going back now, she had just proven in seconds the devastation his absence and presence has always caused her.
"Everything I have ever done has been to protect you Olivia," he whispers across to her in the darkness. She blinks in response her eyes trained firmly on the ground, an emptiness filling her chest where hope had previously resided. "Even this," he whispers in a breath. But the words aren't touching her sides, they aren't even penetrating her ears. His eyes are on the side of her face, just observing the streams of silent tears that continue to fall, making no motions to comfort her physically or emotionally.
"Maybe one day," he whispers silently. "You will realize that."
TBC
