I'm back! And people are actually starting to flame! Yay! Ok, this is going to be the last chapter. 1. I'm getting bored. 2. Everyone is going to be dead. So, it's going out with a song by one of my heroes, Eminem! WOOT! Yay! So I don't own his song. It's called 'The Kids' but I changed the words to fit the rest of the story and I got rid of some parts, but it's all good. The End.



And everyone should get along..
Okay children quiet down, quiet down
Children I'd like to introduce our new substitute teacher for the day
Her name is Ms. CT
Children quiet down please
Brian don't throw that (SHUT UP!)
Ms. CT will be your new substitute
while Mr. Kaniff is out with pneumonia (HE'S GOT AIDS!)
Good luck Ms. CT

"Hi there little boys and girls (FUCK YOU!)
Today we're gonna to learn how to poison squirrels
But first, I'd like you to meet my friend Steve (Huh?)
Say hi Steve! ("Hi Steve") Steve's 20 and lives with his mom
and he don't got a job, cause Steve sits at home and smokes pot
but his twelve-year old brother looks up to him an awful lot
And Steve likes to hang out at the local waffle spot
and wait in the parking lot for waitresses off the clock
when it's late and the lot gets dark and fake like he walks his dog
Drag 'em in the woods and go straight to the chopping blocks (AHH!)
And even if they escaped and they got the cops
the ladies would all be so afraid, they would drop the charge."



One night DJ was coming home from her late shift at the dinner she just started working at. She hummed a little tune while she took the trash out to the garbage can behind the building. After DJ jumped it in, some one attacked her.



'Til one night Ms. DJ went off the job
when she felt someone grab her whole face and said not to talk
But DJ knew it was Steve and said knock it off

"Steve, what the fuck are you doing! Let go of me!" DJ screamed as she tried to get away from her druggie boyfriend.

But Steve wouldn't knock it off cause he's crazy and off his rocker
Crazier than Cold Toenails is off the vodka
You couldn't even take him to Dre's to get Steve a "Dr."

"You're coming with me bitch, I'm sick of you holding me back," he whispered harshly in DJ's ear. "You always make me feel so stupid and fat."

"Steve, I never said you were fat!"

Steve was now on the verge of tears. "Yes you did! I heard you talking to Stephanie a couple nights ago and you were like "Oh my god, Steve is so fat! He eats everything he sees!" Over the years, Steve's fast metabolism caught up with him. He was now 263.4 pounds, but Steve was still able to get around. When he came home for a visit, DJ saw him and threw up. That's why they broke up. DJ doesn't like fat people. And that's not very nice.

"You're coming with me bitch." He began to drag DJ off into some bushes. DJ screamed as loud as she could. She kicked him in the gut, but it was no use. Now her foot was stuck.

"Steve, dont, please!" DJ begged for her life. "I love you! I love you even though you are fat!"

"Now get what's coming to you!" DJ began call for help. No one came. No one heard DJ's murder.

He grabbed DJ by the legs as chopped it off her
and dropped her off in the lake for the cops to find her
But ever since the day DJ went off to wander
they never found her, and Steve still hangs at the waffle diner
And that's the story of Steve and his marijuana,
and what it might do to you
So see if the squirrels want any - it's bad for you



I sat in the living room with Michelle and the twins, who were just recently returned home. "Where did everybody go?" Alex asked.

"They are all dead," I told the children. They all began to cry. "Because of drugs."

"What are drugs?" Nicky asked.

"That candy you were eating," I explained. "And doing drugs is wrong."

"Why?" all three asked.

"Let me explain it to you."

See children, drugs are bahhhd (c'mon)
and if you don't believe me, ask ya dahhhd (ask him man)
and if you don't believe him, ask ya mom (that's right)
She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (she will)
So kids say no to drugs (that's right)
So you don't act like everyone else does (uh-huh)
Then there's really nothin else to say (sing along)
Drugs are just bad, mmm'kay

"Oh I see," Nicky said. "That all makes perfect sense!" I nodded.

"But my Mom is dead," Michelle said.

"And do you know why?" I asked her. "Because she did drugs."

"She died in a car accident."

I stared blankly at the blond girl. "No, it was drugs."

"But my Daddy said-."

"YOU'RE DAD IS A DRUGGIE THAT DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE IS TALKING ABOUT! YOU'RE MOM DIED OF DRUGS, MMMMM'KAY?" Michelle nodded. I smiled. "Good, now for another story that shows you why not to do drugs.



Ecstasy is the worst drug in the world
If someone ever offers it to you, don't do it
Kids two hits'll probably drain all your spinal fluid
and spinal fluid is final, you won't get it back
So don't get attached, it'll attack every bone in your back
Meet Stephanie, fifteen years old

Stephanie decided to go to one of her friends house for a party. But it was nothing like how she expected it to. She was very disappointed to see people drinking and doing drugs when she was hoping for a rousing game of pin the tail on the donkey, or pick up sticks.

Stephanie found some of her friends and tried to talk to them. But they were too high to recognize her. So Stephanie tried to mingle with some other people. Everyone else was a stranger to her. 'Maybe I'll meet some new friends!' Stephanie thought. She was very excited about new friends.

She meets some guys and hits it off with them. But then they start doing what Stephanie never would have ever thought have doing.


After hanging out with some friends at a party, she gets bold
and decides to try five, when she's bribed by five guys

"Come on! Just try it!" one of the said.

"Yeah, it's awesome!" another said. "You'll never feel anything like that."

"I'm sorry guys, my family doesn't do drugs," Stephanie said. She was very scared right now. But of course she was lying. They all did drugs.


And peer pressure will win every time you try to fight it
Suddenly she starts to convulse and her pulse goes into hyper drive
and her eyes roll back in her skull blblblblblb
Her back starts tah - look like the McDonald's Arches
She's on Donald's carpet, layin horizontal barfin BLEH
And everyone in the apartment starts laughin at him
"Hey Adam, Stephanie is a jackass, look at her!"
Cause they took it too, so they think it's funny

"Ha, I told you it was awesome," Adam said. "Aren't you happy you tried it?" Adam looked over the money Steph gave him for the ecstasy.


So they're laughing at basically nothing except maybe wasting her money
Meanwhile, Stephanie is in a coma, the action is over
and her back and his shoulders hunched up likes he's practicing yoga

"Hey Steph, are you ok?"


And that's the story of Stephanie, the ecstasy maniac
so don't even feed that to squirrels kids, cause it's bad for you

See children, drugs are bahhhd (uh-huh)
and if you don't believe me, ask ya dahhhd (put that down)
and if you don't believe him, ask ya mom (you can ask)
She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (and she will)
So kids say no to drugs (say no)
So you don't act like everyone else does (like I do)
And there's really nothin else to say (that's right)
Drugs are just bad, mmm'kay?


"But what if I want to try drugs?" Michelle asked.

"Go ahead I guess," I said with a shrug. "I hate you. I won't care."

"Can we?" the twins asked.

"You already did," I said. "You're too young to do drugs."

"But Michelle is only ten!" Alex said in protest.

"That's how old I was when I started using drugs," I said.

"Really?"

"No. I don't do drugs." Or do I?

And last but not least, one of the most humungous
problems among young people today, is fungus

"Can I try this one?" Michelle asked picking up some fungus.

"Sure," I said.

"What is it?"

"Let me explain it to you…."


It grows from cow manure, they pick it out, wipe it off,
bag it up, and you put it right in your mouth and chew it
Yum yum! Then you start to see some dumb stuff
And everything slows down when you eat some of 'em..
And sometimes you see things that aren't there

"That sounds cool!" Michelle said wide-eyed. "Maybe I'll see some smurfs!"

"Wait, I have to tell you something before you try it!"

And if you swallow too much of the magic mushrooms
Whoops, did I say magic mushrooms? I meant fungus
Ya tongue gets, all swoll up like a cow's tongue (How come?)

"Why?" the kids asked.


cause it comes from a cow's dung (Gross!)

"I think its good!" Michelle said. In fact she liked it so much that she took them all. Michelle started doing some twitches.

"And that is what we call an overdose kids," I explained to the twins. "See, doing too much drugs will kill you. Just like it did your family."

"Where are we going to live now?"

"Hell should I know," I said. "But now I must leave. My work here is done. Just remember this…"


See drugs are bad, it's a common fact
but your mom and dad, know that's all that I'm good at (Oh!)
But don't be me, cause if you grow up and you go and O.D.
They're gonna come for me and I'ma have to grow a goatee
and get a disguise and hide, cause it'll be my fault
So don't do drugs, and do exactly as I don't,
cause I'm bad for you


My mission was complete. I had taught this ignorant family about the horribleness of drugs. What would they do with out me? I hope all you readers learned something. The moral of this little story is that drugs are bad.


And that is the end of the story. Wasn't it sucktastic! I would like to thank all my readers, especially the flamers. This wouldn't be possible without you. So it wasn't that good, ok the whole story sucked. But it's a catchy little song and it shows the dangers of drugs. So kids, don't do drugs 'cause they're bad for you. Mmm'kay?

With love

Cold Toenails