Don't worry even I annoy myself with these delays believe me! Hashtag forever sorry. But also not sorry because life and emotions. But mostly sorry.
This chapter is dedicated to Jamie for so kindly housing me in her home. Girl you're amazing and I miss you on the daily. Can we be roommates please?
(Sends you a virtual venti quad hot white chocolate coconut milk mocca with no whip - or whatever the hell it is you drink ?)
Sorry I'm late on my rent but in my defence I rewrote this scene 3 times so does that count for 3 lol?
Either way I apologise for choosing this version..
She moves towards the trailer door, scooping up her heels in one motion. She is ready to leave his space, this moment - the increasingly unpleasant stench of the trailer. Elliot had just spent the good part of half an hour finishing off the details of what was to come and she had simply nodded in response. But as her free hand reaches out to grasp the handle of the trailer she feels Elliot behind her, his strong hands, possessive, urgent - wrapping around her upper arms, tugging her backwards until her shoulder blades meet with the wall of his chest.
She feels the bottom of his chin knock the crown of her head. His fingers squeeze her upper arms gently and she senses the emotion beneath it. She doesn't tense, as if she expected this. She knows there is still unfinished business - still unspoken words between them and it hadn't escaped her that her sudden departure was her way of avoiding them. She was so close to leaving, so close to ending this for them but he just had to have the final word. She can feel him wanting to turn her around for this but maybe it's easier this way.
She expects words at that point but it's a hand she feels moving off her bicep and sliding possessively around her waist. He holds her against him, her whole body sinking into this backwards hug. She feels it all then, the hard planes of his chest, the front of his thighs pressing up against the backs of hers. His breath expels into the back of her head and goosebumps shatter across her skin. She wants to hold onto the anger, but his proximity is wearing her down, every passing second obliterating all sense of control.
"Tonight," he whispers just above her ear and her legs are practically jelly beneath her. "Can only go two ways," he whispers. And despite the way he is holding her, his words aren't intimate, they're factual.
"Either way.. " he tells her quietly. "This is it for us."
Time as she knows it stops in that moment. She is still. She doesn't swallow. She doesn't even blink through the darkness. There is a distant humming in her ears.
This is it for us.
She feels sick. Her eyes start to prick with expected emotion and her chest starts to rise and fall with the sudden need to defy him. It's not new information but the way he just delivered it might as well have been a stake through the heart.
"Did you hear me Liv?" he whispers through the silence.
Did she hear him? Did she hear him just severe their entire past, present and future. Yes.. yes she heard him loud and clear.
In the absence of her voicebox her free hand moves downward, over his and she is grasping his fingers trying to peal them off her but he seizes her hand immediately and stills it against her.
She can feel his mouth moving against the tresses of her hair and she wades through the moments of silence before he speaks again. "You and I," he breathes out as if it's ok to put them together like that. Like tea and coffee. Salt and pepper. Wine and cheese. "I just.. couldn't do it anymore Liv," he tells her softly. She is going to tell him to stop – to stop speaking, to stop talking – to just stop all of it now. But nothing comes out. Nothing but a fresh sheen of liquid lining her irises, that now threatens to overspill.
"Another year," he continues, ignoring her blatant discomfort. "And I would have broken," he tells her, his lips nicking the back of her neck and she holds her breath, keeping her emotion contained. "I would have touched you," he whispers heatedly. "I would have done something like this," he drags lips against the back of her neck as his brazen hands continue to hold her possessively. She cannot breathe at that point, she cannot concentrate on anything but the hard and unforgiving plains of his body. "And you would have kicked my ass," he whispers just above her ear and she feels the intensity in his words, almost as if he is angry at her for it. "But no matter how many ways we could've rolled that dice Olivia," his voice strains as the final words escape him. "We would have lost."
His words pulverize her. She feels physical pain pierce through her heart.
We would have lost.
As if that was always going to be their path and there wasn't a goddamn thing she could have done about it. She chokes on a sob and it's immediate, she wants out of this and as far away as she can possibly get. "Let me go," she whispers in a breath and when she tries to yank out of his hold he tugs her back to him as if he had expected it.
"Tell me I'm wrong," he rasps above her ear, his breath tickling her neck as he holds her firmly around the waist. He is bating her. She knows this tone and he's going to be like a dog with a bone till he gets what he wants from her. "Tell me how you think it could worked Liv – lie to my face," he digs. And she knows what he is doing now. He is trying to hurt her in any which way he can so she leaves tonight and never looks back. She is still struggling against him, her bare feet slipping against the lino as she tries to get enough leverage to pull away from him. "You wanna blame me for it all, go ahead - hate me for this, but you and I both know I did us a favor."
"Screw you," she whispers into the darkness because he has taken it all from her and the worst part is he doesn't even seem to care. She sinks back into his hold then, because he has given her nowhere to go, his lips bump the back of her head in the process and she closes her eyes.
"I know," he whispers into her hair, his own body softening in response to hers. "I fucked up," his admission all of a sudden causes a stir in the depths of her tummy. She can feel it then, the tension escalating, his words mounting, pure emotion rising within him before he delivers the final blow to her heart.
"You don't fall in love with your partner."
Her heels drop heavily onto the floor then, her heart suddenly thumping into overdrive. Her free hand moves backward intent on pushing him off her but when it makes contact with the firm muscle of his upper thigh, her fingers dig into the denim of his jeans and he breathes out heavily in response as his lips scraping across the shell of her ear.
Jesus Christ.
He is moving a hand upward to cup the underside of her chin and tilting her head gently to the side. "God I wanna kiss you," he whispers throatily, his words expelling across the shell of her ear, the whole expanse of his forearm scraping achingly across the lace of her partially exposed bra. Her nipple tightens in response and a pang of unanticipated heat floods her lower belly. "Please Liv," he whispers and her throat catches as his forearm presses intimately against her breasts as he continues to hold her jaw.
Her mouth makes motions to respond but she is stopped in her tracks because his lips are on her neck, his hot mouth pressing into skin, his tongue darting out trailing over the patch of skin before his lips press firmly down in a heated kiss that floods her entire body with goosebumps. A sound escapes her as his hand slides down her jaw until his fingers are splaying around her throat. Her fingernails sink into denim once more as he nips the back of her neck with his teeth.
She wants to moan. Her body is breaking from his touch, his mouth, his heat - but it's his words she can't shake. His words she cannot ignore. This is it for us. He continues to mark the back of her neck as she swallows against his palm. His hand is moving then downward then, sliding down the smooth skin of her throat, brushing lightly across her collarbones heading downwards, marking an unmistakeable trail towards her breasts. She is breathing heavily, a bout of paralysis shooting up her legs and she can barely hold herself up. Sudden emotion starts to pour out of her at that point, tears begin to trickle from the corners of her eyes as she loses the battle to contain them. She knows what she is about to say is going to sever him - it will sever her, but if this truly ends tonight, she knows there is no other way.
"If this is really it for us Elliot," she whispers into the darkness, her throat thick with congealed emotion, her chest pounding with a thrum of immanent self destruction as she presses her eyes closed to say it.
"Then you need to let me go."
TBC
