A/N – I knew I would pay for quiet days at work. Ended up having to work a concert last night, during a time when I'd normally be writing! My apologies for making you wait; I hope you think it's worth it.
Nope, I don't own any of it. Doctor Who belongs to the BBC. Which doesn't see fit to run the new series on BBC America. Darn them.
Hold On To Life
By
Lariel Romeniel
Chapter Seven – Filling the Emptiness
He held her there for a beat, then another. Their faces so close, her body trembling against his. He dipped his head a little to rub the tip of his nose against hers. "Don't forget to breathe, Rose," he whispered, moving to set her back on her feet once more.
She took in a shuddering breath, clinging to him for balance. After a moment she found her feet, and they began to move again. "You all right there?" he asked softly. She nodded. "Oh, yeah."
"Your granddad never dipped you?"
"He did," she answered, remembering the kind old man dancing with her in her mother's kitchen to scratchy-sounding tunes on the radio. "It used to make me laugh."
"You weren't laughing just then," he pointed out, watching her and smiling as she blushed and stammered out, "What we just did was…different."
"Good different or bad different?"
She met his gaze squarely. "Definitely good different."
They continued to step and sway across the floor, their eyes locked together. One, two, three, one, two, three. As the music ended, he brought her hand up, pressing it against his lips in a not-quite kiss. His right hand gently caressed her back.
"A bit warm this evening, don't you think?" They both started at Tremas' voice coming up alongside them. The Doctor unwrapped his right arm from around her and lowered her hand. Rose stifled a disappointed sigh.
Tremas and Larana were standing hand in hand next to them. "We apologize for startling you," Larana said with a smile at Rose, "but custom does insist that we dance with our guests now. And Tremas and I would both enjoy learning your dance."
The Doctor and Rose glanced at each other, and as before, he held her hand out to Tremas. The two couples changed partners as a new song began, with a slightly faster beat.
Tremas put his arm around Rose uncertainly. "Perhaps you should let me lead, until you get the hang of it," she said with a smile. "Like this."
She showed him the simple steps. Tremas caught on quickly and soon took the lead, twirling her around the floor.
The Doctor was moving more slowly with Larana. Like her husband, she had learned the simple steps in just a few moments, but the Doctor was afraid to push her too hard.
Larana cocked an eyebrow at him. "John, we're a little off time with the music."
"Just wanted to give you a chance to learn," he said. Larana wasn't having any of it. "Tremas told you, then?" she asked in a low voice. The Doctor paused, looking into her eyes. Then he sighed and nodded. She shook her head.
"John Smith, I may be dying, but I will not die tonight. And I certainly will not break! I refuse to slow down or sit out of life when I don't have to. And right now, I don't have to," she told him firmly.
The Doctor was reminded of Nyssa when she was feeling particularly stubborn. He smiled at the memory, and replied, "Very well, then. Hold on!"
They began to swirl around the floor. He noticed that other couples had joined them in their own variations of a waltz. Mostly off-worlders, but there were a few Trakenites who'd mustered the courage to break with convention. He glanced at the Keeper's chamber to see if the ancient man had noticed, but the chamber was empty.
Larana noticed his gaze. "The Keeper rarely stays after giving his Blessing," she said. "But I think he would be pleased with this sight."
The dancing went on long into the night. Rose found herself moving from partner to partner. Sometimes she saw the Doctor dancing with another woman. Other times, he leaned against a column, just watching her. At last she managed to extract herself from the dancing and joined him, leaning against the column herself. "Whew! Even with flat shoes, my feet are starting to hurt!" she said.
"Better take a rest, then, Cinderella," he answered. "We don't have a horse-drawn pumpkin to get home in." Taking her by the elbow, he led her back to the high table, where she sank down into a seat. Responding to a waggle of the Doctor's fingers, a Foster Initiate brought them goblets of wine. Rose gratefully sipped at hers, and her eyes widened. "This wine tastes like…chocolate and berries!"
"Hmm. Yes," the Doctor said after taking a sip from his own goblet. "Traken's equivalent of cacao is an intoxicant for the natives."
"You mean they get drunk on it?"
"Mmm-hmm. Just like alcohol for humans."
Rose looked a little alarmed. "This is safe for me, isn't it?"
The Doctor gave her a wounded look. "Would I put you in danger, Rose?" She raised an eyebrow at him and he reconsidered. "Right. Forget I said that. Hmmm…it will have some effects…" he trailed off and looked up at the sky, thinking for a moment. "Let's see. Flavonoids and antioxidants. Theobromine and caffeine as stimulants. You'll have increased serotonin and dopamine levels in your brain, but nothing you can't handle. You'll be fine, Rose," he said, looking back at her and beaming brightly. "In fact, you'll feel great. And better yet, no hangover in the morning!" He raised his goblet and clinked it against hers. "To the new Consul," he said.
"To a new, more scandalous Traken!" Rose returned with a grin.
"Please don't let the senior Consuls hear you say that," said Larana as she approached with Tremas. "I don't think they're ready for it!"
The four of them sat together, watching the dancing and a parade of entertainers between sets; musicians and dancers and jugglers and a few performers who defied explanation. But sometime in the middle of the entertainment, Rose had stopped paying attention. The Doctor was sitting close to her, his right arm draped around her, his left hand holding her left on his thigh, his left thumb lazily tracing patterns on her hand. The simple caress was sweet torture, and her body's reaction to it was electric, warming all over. She hoped she wasn't turning bright red as she leaned into him. She glanced up to his face, but he was intently watching the current performers, a group of acrobats who were – how in the world were they doing that? She looked back up at him. His brow was furrowed; he was obviously trying to figure out just how all those limbs were intertwined.
She smiled, enjoying his changing expressions. After a few moments, he felt her gaze and looked down at her. "You all right there?" he asked again softly.
"Definitely all right," she answered. She laid her head against his shoulder, and he rested his cheek against the top of her head. She felt a rumble of laughter in his chest. "What's so funny?"
"Just thinking, at least this time it's not likely that I'm going to be hit on the head!" She giggled, and replied, "And this time we even have the bread and wine!"
He tightened the grip of his right arm ever so slightly. "Mmm. But the best part is still thou."
Another perfect moment. But he knew it couldn't last too much longer. The hour had gotten very late, and the crowd in the courtyard was beginning to thin. Larana was beginning to droop a bit. Tremas met his eyes and gave a slight nod, rising with goblet in hand.
"My friends," he said in a loud voice, "I thought that to be a husband and father were honors enough. To become a Consul is beyond anything I ever imagined, and I thank all of you, friends old and new, for celebrating this honor with me. Larana and I will retire now, but please, those of you who are not yet spent, continue to enjoy yourselves. With the dawn comes a bright new future for Traken!"
Cheers and clinking goblets throughout the courtyard. Tremas helped Larana out of her seat and up the grand staircase, the Doctor and Rose close behind them. At the top of the stairs, the new Consul and his wife turned back to the courtyard and bowed to the gathering. Then they were back out through the archway into the free night air.
"Consul Tremas!" An out-of-breath Foster Initiate ran up behind them. Neman again, carrying an ornately carved bottle. He held it out to Tremas. "You asked for this, sir."
"Ah, yes, thank you, Neman," Tremas said, taking it from him. He turned to the Doctor and presented the bottle to him. "A small gift from us to enjoy at your wedding, John and Rose. A rare vintage to help you remember Traken."
The Doctor took it with a smile. "I promise you, I will never forget Traken."
"Or this wonderful evening," Rose added. Tremas reached out and hugged her, and then shook the Doctor's hand. Larana followed, hugging Rose and then kissing the Doctor on the cheek. Again, he was reminded briefly of Nyssa. "Good luck to you both," he said.
A nod from them both. "And also to you, John Smith," Tremas said. One more bow, and the Trakenites turned away to go back to their home. The Doctor and Rose watched them disappear into the night. She sighed, and he smiled down at her. "Time to go home, Cinderella."
He pulled his sonic screwdriver out of his coat pocket and flicked on the torch to light their way. Back to the vista point over the park, where the lake now reflected millions of stars. Back down the footpath which finally led to the TARDIS door. Back through the door into the TARDIS console room. "Back to reality," Rose sighed. "It was a lovely evening, Doctor. Thank you."
He looked a little disappointed. "And I was just getting used to 'darling,'" he said teasingly. "But, you're welcome, my dearest Rose."
The humorous tone was back. She fought back disappointment, and said, "Well…I'm gonna go get changed. And don't you have something to say to the TARDIS?"
He smiled. "You're right. Go on."
She headed down to the corridor toward her room. He set the bottle of wine down on the console and loosened his cravat. Off went the coat, tossed carelessly on his chair. The flower garland followed. He turned back to the console and ran a hand over it. "Old girl, it was a lovely day and evening," he murmured. "But why do I have the feeling you had ulterior motives?"
Echoes of the night's conversations ran through his mind. Survival is not life, John. We chose life. I won't have her forever. But for the time we do have, she will be happy.
I refuse to slow down or sit out of life when I don't have to.
"Is that what you wanted me to see?" he asked. "That I've only been surviving? That I'm sitting out of life when I don't have to? And that you think it's time for something more than traveling and running for our lives? Old girl, you know better. I've never…I can't…"
"Can't what, Doctor?"
Rose was back, standing at the entry of the corridor. She'd taken off the ball gown and was now wearing a simple silken robe, her feet bare, her hair still up. Still beautiful.
The Doctor tried to dissemble. "I can't figure out how to top this evening. I'm just thinking…." He trailed off as Rose shook her head. She wasn't buying it. She remained in the entry, waiting patiently for him to go on.
"I…I…" He sucked in a breath and let it out. "I can't love someone I travel with," he finally blurted out. He put his hands out and leaned against the console in front of him, staring blindly at the controls. Then he looked up across the console at her. "It goes against all the traditions and customs of the Time Lords and Gallifrey."
Rose had frozen at the word "love." His words hung in the air between them for a moment. Then she said slowly, "Doctor, I've been learning, from you and others. Tonight Larana told me that tradition and custom are empty without love. You told me yourself that you'd always cared very little for the traditions and customs of Gallifrey. That's why you left, why you travel. Ignoring the rules, except the one that could make you vulnerable. And that's made you lonely and empty. Always trying to fill the empty space with words." She was moving slowly across the floor towards him, stopping on the other side of the console.
He smiled weakly. "Nature abhors a vacuum."
"See? You're doing it again!" She began to move around the console toward him. He regarded her warily. "You don't have to be afraid of being vulnerable," she continued in a soft, soft voice. "There's no one saying that you must be alone. No one telling you that you cannot love. No one except yourself."
She was standing right in front of him now, gazing up, her heart in her eyes. She could feel him tremble as a battle raged in his own eyes. Finally, with a long sigh, his body relaxed and he answered her in the only way he could.
He wrapped his arms around her, crushed her to his chest and kissed her.
To be concluded…..
