Hey! How are you all doing after last night?

I'm already a bit frustrated, I need more Burzek. I need them to get their act together and just be happy. I wish the writers could give that to them and to us as well.

For now I guess Im seeking for comfort in my own writing :(

Here's a new chapter, hope you like it!

Please leave a comment if you'd like. I'm always open to suggestions and constructive criticism.

Take care!

-N

Disclaimer: I own nothing except for my imagination.

If I could talk to the voice in my head, you know the one who said that everything was going to go back to normal today?, I would tell her this: Think again, bitch.

We had no new cases so far, crime has this tendency of decreasing when it gets closer to winter, that meant we were stuck in the bullpen getting on top of our paperwork. This usually doesn't bother me as much, not today though.

Being partners and all, my desk is right in front of Adam's, so I'm facing his way all day long.

I swear I'm trying my best not to look at him but I can't.

I began to realize so much about my partner that I hadn't seen before. Like how he taps his pen against the desk when he begins to get bored, that happens every 2 seconds because he hates doing paperwork as much as he hates sitting still for too long, or how he scrunches up his nose when he finds something he doesn't like, how he leans his head back when he's laughing, really laughing. That lopsided smirk he puts on his face that is beginning to throw me off balance a bit. His neck, I mean how didn't I see that before? It's fucking percfect, not too thin, it's just thick enough. It makes me wanna grab him by the neck and just kiss him.

Whoa… What? Stop right there girl.

No, you did not just think that.

I really don't want to know what my face looks like right now, I can only assume it's bad when I hear Erin, whose desk is basically on the other end of the bullpen. "Everything ok there, Burgess?" That did the trick, now all eyes were on me.

"Yeah, everything's fine" I said as I stood up "I'm just gonna head to the bathroom real quick."

I needed a splash of cold, freezing water on my face. What the fuck was that? Why would that thought ever cross my mind? The cold water against my face did nothing to make me feel better, so I took a deep breath, well more like five, and headed back to my desk.

"Are you sure you're good?" That was Erin again.

"Yeah, just tired."

"More like bored." I heard Atwater a few steps away from me.

"That could be it, too." I answered him with a smile trying to keep the whole situation under control.

"In that case, I'm sure you'll be down for a girls' night tonight." Erin said with the biggest grin on her face.

A girls' night. That's what I needed.

"Hell yeah, I'm totally down for that!" I couldn't hide the excitement in my voice.

"Great. I'll pick you up tonight!" Erin was cut off by Voight as he came out of his office.

"Guys, I need you to stop what you're doing. Something has popped up, a homicide down in Pilsen, I'm sure that's connected to yesterday's case. Ruzek you and me go to the scene. Burgess and Atwater I need you to check with your CIs to see if there's anything else we can find out about this, I'll have Halstead send you a picture of the victim. Lindsay and Halstead, you go to Sandy Williams' house, check if there's anything else that she didn't say before. Any questions?" He waited for a few seconds and none of us said anything, "Let's get rolling then".

The rest of the day flew by. We were able to get some leads on the case and to make some connections between both of them, but right now we were stuck. I just didn't know from what other angle to look at this, and all of us were feeling the same frustration. Voight's voice put my thoughts on pause.

"Let's call it a night. We're not getting anywhere, let's see how we can continue tomorrow with a fresh mind. Rest and have a good night." He said as he left the bullpen, Voight hardly ever left before us, so I guess we were not the only ones to feel completely frustrated. We all greeted him back and began to gather our things to get out of there.

"Kim, I'll pick you up in an hour. Is that ok?" Erin hurried her step to stand right next to me.

"Sounds great! What's the plan?"

"How about going out for drinks?"

"Yes please! I could really use that, this week wasn't the best."

"Well, then we make tonight the best night of this week" Despite Erin's efforts, I'm pretty sure that last night was going to remain first in my podium. "Be ready in an hour, tonight is all about fun." Her cheerfulness was contagious, it made me smile instantly.

"Can't wait!"

I got home quickly and ran to the shower. I was honestly looking forward to tonight, hanging out with Erin was going to help me clear my mind.

I rummaged through my closet and finally decided on black skinny jeans, black heels, white top and my favorite black leather jacket. I put my hair up in a ponytail and some makeup on, I was ready to hit the night.

I heard my phone buzz telling me that Erin had texted me, she was waiting for me downstairs.

"Looking hot, sexy mamma!" Erin said as I climbed into her car.

"Right back atcha!" She smiled as she leaned forward for a hug.

Lindsay drove for a few minutes until we got to the bar.

"This place looks nice." I commented as I took a seat in one of the two stools we found next to the bar counter.

"I know, right? I heard the drinks here were great. I'm so happy we're doing this, it's been ages since we went out without the guys."

"I feel the same. I love it when we all hang out together, or even when it's only Kev and Ruzek, but I need this girl quality time." I replied.

"Exactly, some things need to be shared with a girlfriend."

"Anything you want to share?" I knew Erin all too well, the tone in her voice was telling me that something was not right.

"Nothing important, I just needed a breather." She took a deep breath. "Ever Since I moved in with Jay, I feel like I've become this 80 year old that does nothing but work and go home. I mean I love Jay and living together is the best, but…." I cut her off, I think I knew what she was going to say next.

"But you need some you time." She nodded as I spoke. "I think we are entitled to that, and as a matter of fact I also think that's the only way to make relationships work. You can count on me to go out and hang out as much as you want." I offered with a smile.

"I know. We should definitely do this more often."

The bartender interrupted our conversation."What can I get for you ladies?"

"I'll have gin tonic, please."

"And a whisky sour for me." Lindsay placed her order before the bartender nodded and left. "So, is that what you and Roman do?" I had a confused look on my face, I think anything related to Sean and I was confusing for me lately. "I mean, taking time for yourselves individually."

"Oh yeah, totally. We were always on the same page regarding that, although lately he seems to be enjoying his time alone way too much." The bartender left out drinks right in front of us, so I took my glass and took a pull of my drink before I could hear Erin speak.

"What do you mean?"

"He's been kind of aloof. He cancelled like a million times or just showed up late to everything that we had arranged." I confessed, this was the first time that I was sharing what was happening with Sean with someone else and I wasn't going to hold anything back. Not today. Not with Erin.

"Well don't put much thought into it, maybe it's nothing."

I took a deep breath and another drink from my glass before I spoke again. "Do you know what's the worst thing?" I looked into her eyes as she just looked back in silence waiting for me to continue. "I'm not sure I care."

Now it was Erin the one taking a drink from her glass "I'm not sure I follow. What is it that you don't care about, Roman? him flaking on you?" I just sighed as I heard her, reality was hitting me straight in the face and it wasn't pretty.

"We've been together for quite a while and I do care about him." I paused to get my thoughts straight, I had never put this into words before and apart from that, I'm not really sure about my feelings anymore. "It's just that something's obviously wrong and I'm not sure I care about what's happening with our relationship. Am I making any sense?"

"Yeah, you are. Many people have doubts about where they're going, especially after being together for so long." The screen of my phone lit up. Someone had reacted to the story I had reposted from Lindsay's instagram, a picture of the both of us about to get in the bar.

I shook my head. "I'm so confused right now."

"What's confusing you?" I just couldn't say it, I was embarrassed, ashamed even, of where my thoughts were going. I felt that if the words came out of my mouth everything was going to be real, therefore it was going to get difficult.

But if this was happening, if this really was even a slightly bit real, I couldn't run away from it. I just slid my phone over closer to Erin so she could see the notification.

ruze.a

have a blast girls ;)

The expression on Erin's face was a mix of confusion with excitement. What was she excited about? My life was falling apart and my friend found that amusing. Great.

"Is this what I think it is?" she asked, the smirk on her face was impossible to miss.

"If you're thinking that something is going on between me and Ruzek, then no."

Erin shook her head. "I'm just thinking maybe he's the reason why you're confused."

"I don't know why my head is doing this to me." I whined, "I have a million different thoughts going on at the same time."

I stopped for a second when I saw the bartender making eye contact with me "Could you please bring me another one? Thanks." I needed more alcohol to resume this conversation. I looked at Erin again and I went on. "I know that something's up with Sean, I don't need to get my detective badge to figure that one out, and it makes me feel bad. I mean is it really on Roman or is it on me? When did I stop caring about what we have? It's too much to handle right now."

"Maybe you should stop trying to figure out what your head is doing and just listen to your heart." Her voice was sweet and soothing, I did the right thing by telling her all of this, she was not going to judge me. "There's no use of finding someone to blame, Kim. Sometimes things just don't work out, even if once they were great. Don't be too harsh on yourself." The pause she made scared me a little.

"Now, what role does Ruzek play in all of this?"

Well, that was a hell of a question.

"He doesn't play a role. Not an active one anyway."

"So?" She was intrigued but I could also tell that she was having fun as she poked me with all these questions. I ran my hand over my forehead trying to release some stress, before I opened my mouth again. I just needed to rip the band-aid off.

"Let's just say that lately, I've been thinking differently about him."

"So, you like him." I know she was trying t be neutral, but she wasn't able to keep the grin out of her face.

Hearing that fact made everything real, and that's when it hit me. My life was now upside down, everything I was once sure about, either meant nothing or it had a big question mark on it.

There was nothing else I could do, just own it.

"I guess I do"

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!" She spoke so quickly I could barely understand, why was she so happy?

"Erin" my whine came out with a chuckle, I guess there was a funny side to this. "Come on, my life is falling apart here!"

"It's just that I thought this moment was never going to happen." My questioning look forced her to continue talking and to roll her eyes on me too "Kim, if you ask me you two have had the hots for each other since day one."

"What? No."

"Um… Yes." She replied with her eyes wide open as if she was stating the obvious and I looked at her with desperation. "Relax, Kim. It's no big deal."

"It's a huge deal. This is wrong, from every single angle."

"Why wrong?"

"Sean, Wendy…" Gosh… he has a girlfriend. How did I miss the fact that there was a woman that he had already chosen to be with. At that realization I grabbed my glass and just drank all of its content in one big gulp.

"It's not like you are intentionally doing anything, or that you cheated on Roman. These things just happen." She placed one hand over my shoulder trying to make me feel better, and to be honest, it kind of did the trick.

"I need to talk to Sean. I can't do this to him, he doesn't deserve this… and I can't do this to myself either."

"I think that's the best thing you can do" a small smirk appeared on her face "Whether something with Ruzek comes out of this or not, I think the most important thing here is that maybe you don't have the same feelings for Sean as you had before."

"Gosh, I'm a horrible human being."

"No, not at all, don't go there. The fact that you're worried about this and about everyone else who is involved says exactly the opposite." She pulled me in for a hug that I responded to.

"Thank you Erin, I really needed this."

"Don't mention it. I'm happy to be here for you.", she paused for a bit before she continued "What about Ruzek?" I had no idea how to answer that, I hadn't figured that one out yet. I mean, I barely knew how I could handle the whole Sean situation, Adam was a completely different story.

"What about him?"

"I don't know. How are you dealing with it?" she asked before taking a sip from her glass.

"Horribly", I shot out and we both laughed. "I mean, it's not like I can talk to him, and I'm terrified that this could potentially mess up us being partners."

"I don't think so, you both love what we do and take it very seriously. Both of you are super professional. At least that's what I told Voight when he mentioned having you three up for the detective exam."

"Well, today I felt more like a sixteen year old than a professional cop." Erin chuckled.

"Don't sweat it. You'll figure it out and you can always count on me for back up". Sometimes having Erin in the unit was more like having a sister.

"I know. Enough about my high school drama, let's have some fun!"

And that we did.